SA: Misgivings 2012

November 11th, 2012

On the REBEL PRO Titan Tron we come to see a concert of some sort. Hearing a voice singing we pan inward upon the stage, in front of thousands of people. None other than the English reality star Susan Boyle, can be seen.

She proceeds with the ending of her encore performance just coming to a close.

Thats when we switch to the backstage area of Susan Boyle’s international tour. She walks up to her dressing room with a note on her door. She reads it a loud.

” Dear Susan Boyle,

It is with great regard that I, Justin Case, have come to realize that you are my biggest fan and number one supporter. And it is with great thanks that as a reward for being so supportive that you will be given a ticket to next weeks show to watch “The Chosen One” go one on one with Jake Norton! If you so choose to, you will be flown to a special recording of “SUPER AGGRESSION: Misgivings 2012!” in Las Vegas, Nevada. As then you will be escorted to the arena in which you will have a front row seat to watch some REBEL PRO action! All expenses will be paid for in full by yours truly. I hope you except. And I will see you soon.

PS You are truly a talent with every part of your being. With a voice no one can ever try repeating.”

Susan Boyle is then seen all smiles.

I Can Haz Promo?

Simon finishes lacing his boots as we fade in backstage to his office. Maya is skipping rope to get herself pumped, blasting “Gangnam Style” like an awful cunt that she truly is. Simon sits back, lighting a cigarette and closing his eye. That’s when-

Adrian Kalis: So what’re you thinking, old man? Putting yourself in a title match?

Simon Kalis: Honestly Adrian, don’t you have anything better to do than questioning my every move?

Adrian Kalis: Well with TGW basically on hiatus, no. I don’t.

He cracks a grin.

Adrian Kalis: And here everything was going so well. So who’re you gonna have help you win a REBEL Pro title this time?

Simon Kalis: I can beat Johnny Maverick. I’ve always beaten Johnny Maverick, put his ass on the shelf multiple times. And sure it’ll be a shame to do it again but I’m going to do it the same way I did it last time. Besides… I never lost the REBEL Pro Tag Team titles. By right, I can claim them back. We were unceremoniously stripped of everything we bled for. It’s time to remind people what we’re capable of.

Simon stands up and stomps his foot.

Simon Kalis: JEREMY!!!!

Gold jumps up and hoists up a duffle bag fearfully.

Simon Kalis: It’s time, old friend.

Gold drops the duffle bag, clearly too heavy for himself. Maya is taking a break eating some pizza pockets and just casually not giving a fuck about the madness going on about her. Gold pulls out the first piece of… a thing out from the duffle bag and brings it over to Simon.

Adrian Kalis: You’re kidding.

Jeremy straps the plate armor over Simons head, slipping it over Simon and then locking it together at the ribs. Simon smiles, finishing his cigarette as Gold presents him with a steel helmet. It is bare of any special designs, as is the chest armor. Save for the fact it has a small area for Simon to see from his only good eye, and the formation of rubies around it shine crimson in the light. Gold has a second duffle bag under the couch in Simon’s office, where he pulls out a shield with The Order of Chaos skull emblem emblazoned over it. Finally, he hands Simon a barbed wire baseball bat that seems to have been cut in half halfway into it, leaving splinters long, sharp and thick at the end. Maya drops a pizza pocket out of her hand as Simon turns to face Adrian, banging his sawed off barbed wire baseball bat against his steel OoC shield.

Simon Kalis: Niggas know I don’t fuck around.

Simon leans in to Adrian.

Simon Kalis: Besides, would you rather sit out your time waiting for TGW to get back into gear? Why don’t you go save the PWA, God knows they need it. Or is it you’re scared of a white girl?

Maya: Ohhh shit!

Maya snaps her fingers in front of Adrian and laughs, yet Adrian maintains a forced smile.

Adrian Kalis: You have the wrong offspring on your team tonight. Remember that, old man…

Adrian shoves his way past Simon and leaves. Simon however taps his shield again and then points to the door.

Simon Kalis: This shit is hot in here. Let’s get this done with.

Maya: Great speech dad.

Kalis bows as we fade.


He sits up. He yawns. A few years ago he would have been waking up with a hangover. There would have been a pile of bottles, drug paraphernalia, and nude people in his room but no. Today his apartment is DC is clean of all evidence of vice save for a few longboxes of comics, crates of records, and an attractive lady sleeping next to him who he had made clear to the night before that this was just a one night thing. And hey! Johnny remembered her name! And it’s 8 AM and he hasn’t kicked her out! MUCH different from Johnny two years ago. Johnny didn’t like that Johnny. Johnny a year ago was a guy he THOUGHT he liked but he was apparently the kind of guy who got cheated on so he must have been doing SOMETHING wrong. It might have been karma, for all of the women whose names he didnt remember. Every woman he had woken up and told ‘Make like a tree and be outside of my house’. He couldn’t go back to that way of life, it would have been easy though. However, devoting himself to one person had never worked out to well in the past, either. The first one got into the ring before she was ready and got hurt. Bad. She became so afraid of Johnny she got as far away from him as she could. Another he had devoted himself to so fully, so entirely that it nearly destroyed him when she betrayed him. The other…well…we’ll get to her. He could never be that low-life who treated women like penis recepticles ever again, but he also couldnt see himself ever investing in any one woman emotionally ever again out of fear.

“Hey Mandy…uh. Let’s go get some breakfast then I can take you home.”

It didn’t hurt to try and find some middle ground there.


“Someone asked me how much longer I really thought i’d be doing this.”

Johnny is standing in front of his recently re-opened record store in a ‘Circle Jerks’ T-shirt, Hoodie Ninja hoodie, torn jeans, and a pair of red Chuck Taylors.

“It’s a question I’ve been giving a lot of thought lately. Yeah, seemingly my career is in a bit of a slump. The tag team is going okay but as far as singles competition? Johnny Maverick is nearly a non-entity. He’s not on anyones radar and he may as well have stayed dead, for all he has accomplished. He’s had a good run. It’s probably time for him to step down and let the next guy have a turn.”

Johnny cracks open his bottled water.

“So how much longer am I going to be doing this? As long as there is breath in me. As long as I have the ability to stand up and face all of the people who tell me I can’t or that I’m not good enough and raise a pair of defiant middle fingers. Fuck you, I can. Fuck you, I am. Fuck you, Fuck everyone like you, Fuck their mothers, pets, mailmen, and anything with a fuckable orifice even slightly related to them. I will get my Filth and my Fury back or I will die trying.”

He takes a sip.

“Good fortune has given me a few things this week that should afford me that chance. I still have an amazing tag partner and I we have a chance to prove ourselves against the best. Well, someone who will tell you for DAYS that he is the best. That is, if his face is un-fucked up enough that he is able to speak this week. That seems to be a re-occuring theme with you Simon. You act like an all-powerful deity. Someone fucks you up. You learn absolutely no lesson from it. You come back and pull the same shit, then get fucked up once more. Lather, rinse, repeat. I’m not going to be the kind of guy who says ‘I’m gonna be the one to teach you a lesson’ because A. I honestly don’t have that much of a problem with you right now and B. We both know that’s a lesson you aren’t going to learn. I often find myself envious of Simon Kalis, but in the same way I am envious of autistic children. I’m envious of their ability to block out reality. If I could unironically stand in front of a television camera and tell the world I am a formerly caucasian militaristic bazillionaire gang leader somehow connected to the government and lived every day of my life like a Grand Theft Auto mission as designed by a 14-year-old on acid and believed every word out of my mouth was gospel then I would do it everyday. It turns out though that I am just a man with a set of skills conducive to competitive combat. Unlike many others in the locker room I am not out to embarass Simon or ruin his life or kiss his ass. I am here to beat him. I think that’s something I’m capable of, so yeah. I know he’s capable of beating me too, but time hasn’t been kind to Simon physically. Me? I’m just fine. Got both eyes, haven’t had anyone try and fuck my face up so bad I can’t speak. Never had a gun fired at me once.”

Johnny shrugs and has al ot more of his water. Damn that’s some good water.

“And after Simon gives his whole schpiel, viewers will get what they really came to see. A nice shot of Mayas lovely perky tits. On a professional note Maya, I’m absolutely itching for this chance to get that win back from you after we last fought. On a personal note I’d like to remind you that I am single now, you have my number, and Mr. Pokey misses you. Just like old times, our jobs not done til we’ve ruined the sheets only this time they won’t be your fathers. You beat me, and I acknowledge that victory and commend you on it. I also want you to know it’s not something I intend on letting happen again. My partner and I have had our names dragged through the mud lately and I think both of us are starting to get a little sick of it. A part of me is always going to love you Maya, but when we step in that ring you had better have something more than your tits to show me or I am going to leave you as I have left you so many nights before; Breathless, drenched in sweat, and on your back. You’re not going to get in my head like last time, you aren’t going to distract me with your sexuality, you are going to have to sweep up what is left of your father and come out there and outwrestle me Maya. That doesn’t bode well for you. Anna and I feed off of controversy but there isn’t going to be any this week. One of you is gonna get pinned or tap out, and Anna and I are going to get your respect. That is the only way I am going to let this play out. I don’t know why Maya and Simon are gunning for the tag titles, maybe he want s to assure everyone of his dominance in REBEL Pro. He wants to win those belts to show the UX’ers that REBEL is his baby and no one is gonna fuck with it, and in the end he’ll be singin that old Ramones song.”

Johnny finishes his water. Drinking water is the thing he did in this promo that I used to break up the paragraphs.

“The KKK Took My Baby Away.”

Johnny tosses his empty water bottle in the trash and heads inside his shop before we fade to black.

REBEL Pro Tag Team Championship Match!

The KKK versus Simon and Maya Kalis

Jenny Jersey: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the VACANT REBEL Pro Tag Team Championships! Introducing first!

“This World Ain’t Big Enough For The Both of Us” by Sparks hits as Anna Mathews appears on the stage, and the fans here at the Underground Arena in Las Vegas give her a huge pop.

Jenny Jersey: She is the reigning REBEL Pro Aggression Champion and one half of Kontroversy Kreates Kake! ANNA MATHEWS!!!

Anna runs down the ring, cheery and happy as always slapping hands with fans as she slides in and raises her shiny Agg title in the air.

Jenny Jersey: And her partner! He is a certified REBEL Pro Legend!

“Lead Into Demise” hits as Johnny Maverick steps out, the crowd cheering for him strong.

Jenny Jersey: He is JOHNNY MAVERICK!!!

Johnny enters the ring now and high fives Anna, both of them turning to the entrance ramp.

Jenny Jersey: And their opponents!

“The Rains of Castamere” by White Noise Lab hits and this crowd here in Las Vegas, many who only a few weeks ago were here watching Underground X recognize these two much easier…

Larry Gordon: Oh Lord he isn’t…

Linzi Martin: They are.

The crowd goes nuts as a they emerge on a large, black Shire horse. Simon is in front, while his daughter Maya holds onto him by the waist behind him on the large beast. Johnny and Anna smirk, as Simon waves his weapon arm in the air toward the crowd.

Jenny Jersey: He is the acting President of REBEL Pro, and she is his lovely daughter! The ever talented, Simon and Maya Kalis!

Larry Gordon: Hopefully he won’t slit the horses throat when he gets to the ring.

They trot forward slowly, circling the ring and giving the fans a chance to pass their hands over the Shire horses muscular frame before Simon dismounts and then helps Maya down. Simon is still decked out in his steel armor above the waist, and he climbs the steel steps while Maya slides into the ring. A duo of professionally trained handlers come out and lead the horse backstage. Referee Alan Stone raises the REBEL Pro Tag Team titles in the air for all to see before handing them off at ringside. Simon bows before Anna and Johnny respectfully, before hoisting his shield up forward with his sawed off barbed wire bat aimed for Anna Mathews. Maya blows them both kisses, with an extra wink for Johnny Maverick.


Maya and Johnny immediately lock up, and a power struggle ensues but quickly ends with Johnny hip tossing Maya to the canvas. Simon swings his fucked up bat at Anna, who instinctively begins dodging the attacks. She bounces off the ropes and goes for a dropkick but Simon lifts his shield up and literally swats her down and away, and even though he stumbles back he does not fall. It leaves Anna open for Simon to swing downward at her with his unorthodox bat but she rolls away and the bat rips a part of the canvas off as Simon brings the weapon back up. Maya is on her feet and charges Johnny but he ducks her clothesline attempt, and then hits a spinning heel kick as Maya moves forward and hits her in the back of the head sending her right back down to the canvas.

Larry Gordon: Ahhh. I missed this. A TRUE REBEL Pro Tag Team match. Tornado tag rules as a standard, and of course the usual fair of no other rules to speak of practically.

Linzi Martin: Johnny giving it to Maya and Anna is dodging Simons attacks well.

Simon encroaches on Anna and spreads his arms out, his shield in the left hand and his bat in the right. He seemingly begs Anna to come at him and she does, going for a baseball slide to take Simon out at his exposed legs but Simon hops over her, spins around and shield bashes her into the canvas for her troubles. Repeatedly Simon smashes the center curve of his shield into Anna Mathews face until she’s busted open and bleeding all over the canvas. Johnny Maverick meanwhile snap suplexes his ex-fiance right back into the canvas and goes for a cover.


T- Maya kicks out easily.

Simon taps his bat on the canvas, yelling at Anna to get back up. She does and as Simon charges she grabs onto the top rope and pulls down with all her weight, sending Simon and all that armor over the top rope and onto the outside. The crowd is loving it. Anna hops up onto the top rope and Simons no longer holding onto his shield or his bat. He pulls himself up, only to meet a huge missile dropkick from Anna Mathews sending him onto the steel entrance ramp. Maya finally dodges an errant elbow from Johnny and hits him with a spinning heel kick of her own. She clenches her fists and begins cracking Johnny hard in the face with a quick flurry of lefts and rights. Johnny stumbles into the corner turnbuckles and Anna grabs Simons shield and begins bashing him at the neck just where there is a slight opening. Simon immediately chokes and Anna drops the shield and rips his helmet off. She throws it into the front row to a young boy who’s pretty happy to have it. Was a piece of shit anyways.

Larry Gordon: I feel like this is half a wrestling match, and half a fight you’d see at a boss level in a video game.

Linzi Martin: That turns me on.

Anna grabs the bat now and takes a crack at Simons face but doing so from his right side and not the left gives him a chance to counter, and so he puts his arms up to save his face but the flesh on his arms get ripped up from the barbed wire. Anna lunges with the bat, using the sawed off end with the large thick splinters as a spear and begins stabbing at Simon. He manages to roll around on the entrance ramp and takes the blows with his plate armor over his chest. Anna’s lunging at him so hard and furiously the splintered wood cracks and breaks all over Simons armored chest. Maya low blows Johnny in the ring and then makes a run to save her silly old father, leaping over the top rope and to the outside before jumping on Anna Mathews back and wrapping her legs and arms around the Aggression Champion. The crowd cheers wildly as Anna staggers around with Maya on her back, and Maya trying to choke Anna out. Simon gets to his feet and lifts his shield and bat back up but Johnny is also back up. Simon looks up into the ring at Johnny, and the two exchange some heated words as Jeremy Gold comes running to ringside from backstage. Anna Mathews throws herself backwards into the guard rails and crushes Maya between herself and the rails. Maya crumples down behind her, and Anna lays slouched trying to catch her breath. Jeremy Gold has a gas canister in one hand, and a pack of cigarettes in the other.

Linzi Martin: Johnny knows what’s coming.

Larry Gordon: Any diehard REBEL fan knows.

Jeremy hands Simon the cigarettes, as Anna and Maya gingerly begin crawling away from each other. Simon pops a cigarette into his mouth as Jeremy pours gasoline all over his sawed off barb wire baseball bat. Jeremy pulls out a lighter and the bat ignites in a gush of flames and the fans at ringside go nuts. Simon lights his cigarette with his now flaming sawed off barb wire baseball bat and climbs the steel steps, placing the flames to the ropes and instead of climbing into the ring through the ropes, Simon waits for them to snap one by one under the flames. Anna goes under the ring as Simon yells at Jeremy to run backstage. Maya gets up and jumps up onto the apron at one end behind Johnny. Anna however surfaces on the other side and she throws Johnny a metal garbage can lid and a lead pipe. Johnny lifts up the garbage can lid but kicks the lead pipe back to Anna, tapping a certain patriotic tattoo and all the marks in the arena go nuts. Maya jumps down and goes under the ring herself as Anna hops up onto the apron with the lead pipe in hand.


Simon charges at Johnny, swinging his flaming bat at Johnny who blocks it with his own shield now all the while still smoking his cigarette. Anna comes in and swings the pipe, Simon drops to a knee and puts his shield up to block the attack. Another puff. He swings again at Johnny, this time at Johnny’s legs but Johnny jumps up over the flames and brings his shield crashing down on Simon’s head but Simon holds onto that cigarette in his mouth. Simon stumbles back and Anna lunges with her lead pipe, Simon blocks with his flaming bat and now just in the nick of time Maya rolls into the ring with a large purple dildo, GTA STYLE BITCHES! She smacks Anna hard in the back of the head with it, sending Anna down. Johnny spins, raises his shield and the dildo indents it and pushes him back. But Johnny shoots the shield out and the metal trash lid cracks Maya in the throat. She coughs, chokes and stumbles back and Johnny rushes at her- THE TONY JAA!!! Maya is down and Johnny pins.




But there’s Anna Mathews and she bounces off the ropes as Simon gets to his feet, BOOMERFLY KICK! That fucking cigarette drops! The shield drops! The flaming bat drops! BUT Simon goes flying out over the top rope from the impact and back to the outside. Johnny covers Maya again!




Larry Gordon: Surprised to see Maya had the awareness to do that.

Linzi Martin: I thought REBEL Pro doesn’t have rope breaks?

Larry Gordon: Actually Linzi, if you look at the REBEL Pro rules the referee won’t stop a submission even if the person being hurt is holding onto the ropes but nor will the ref count a pin or submission in rope break.

Johnny pulls Maya into the middle of the ring as Anna slides out of the ring to finish off Simon, but it’s then the crowd goes apeshit as Adrian Kalis comes out from backstage, Benjamin Dyce behind him waving a very large orange flag.

Larry Gordon: Of course. The goon squad. That stupid Orange Revolution was nothing more than another front for The Order of Chaos.

Anna steps back from Simon who sits up. Adrian helps Simon to his feet and holds him up. Simon wipes his face and then smiles, turning that smile to Anna. Of course, that smile is quickly gone as Adrian pushes Simons head down and lifts his knee up and cracks Simon across the face. Simon stumbles back, and Adrian hits a thrust kick straight into Simon’s armor plated chest and it sends Simon down to the ground. Anna looks shocked as Adrian begins stomping down on Simon while Benjamin Dyce places the flag pole down at the ring post. Johnny is now watching, while Maya goes behind him and rolls him up, throwing in an extra grab to his crotch for the old times.


Larry Gordon: What in the world is going on?!


Anna slides back into the ring, ignoring Adrian’s beatdown of Simon buuuut!


Anna rushes Maya and cracks her over the head with that lead pipe, Maya is busted open. Benjamin Dyce turns around and crosses his arms, looking down at his feet. Adrian lifts Simon up and hits the MasaDriver! The crowd is cheering! The crowd is booing! Everyone is confused as fuck! Maya is on her knees and Johnny approaches her. He lifts her up and gives her a quick hug before flipping it into ANOTHER BODY MURDERED! On the outside of the ring, Adrian and Benjamin Dyce wrap Simon in their large orange flag from head to toe.

Johnny covers Maya again!





Jenny Jersey: The winners of this match and NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW REBEL Pro World Tag Team Champions! Johnny Maverick and Anna Mathews! KONTROVERSY! KREATES! KAKE!

Alan Stone hands them the tag team titles, and Anna gets her Aggression Championship as well. Benjamin Dyce rushes to Maya and pulls her out of the ring and into her arms as Adrian relentlessly stomps on Simon’s face. Benjamin Dyce rushes with Maya, limp in his arms for help as The KKK watches on with their guard up but good smirks cracking over their faces. Adrian walks away without looking back, and with his exit Anna and Johnny high five and raise their titles high.

Linzi Martin: What in the…

Larry Gordon: I’m sure we’ll find out what that was about. But what’s really important right now is this great tag team of Johnny and Anna, and their success in capturing the REBEL Pro Tag team titles.

Linzi Martin: Also, there’s one side of the ring with now ruined ropes. Someone should probably fix that.


Anna and Johnny have now disappeared backstage, while EMT’s uncover Simon from the orange flag. His face is badly beaten and swollen as they help him to his feet, meanwhile the ring crew works on replacing one side of ropes that were burned during the last match.

Linzi Martin: I’m sure you’re enjoying this, aren’t you?

Simon throws his metal plate armor off and stumbles forward, wiping the blood from his face.

Larry Gordon: Seeing Simon get hurt doesn’t bother me, no.

Simon begins blindly running up the entrance ramp and the view switches to a camera crew following Adrian who’s already on his way out of the arena. Raj Bindaloo, our intrepid young foreign reporter chases after Adrian but his asthma prevents him from ever really catching up to him. That and he ran into the closing parking lot door. Quickly however this changes as Simon bursts through the door. Adrian stops at his vehicle to light a cigarette as Simon maintains a brisk pace.

Simon Kalis: What the fuck was that?

Adrian turns and blows smoke into Simon’s face.

Adrian Kalis: You put yourself into a title match of your own company.

Adrian scoffs.

Adrian Kalis: Again. And I helped you last time but I wasn’t going to see you sneak your way into more bullshit.

Simon wipes the blood from his lip and begins to smile.

Simon Kalis: You think you can do better? Why don’t you run REBEL Pro next week, let me know how it goes.

Kalis turns around, spitting blood and walking away.

Simon Kalis: I’m gonna need a fucking vacation.

Adrian leans against his car and exhales more smoke, and we’re pretty sure the ring is good to go SO!!!!

REBEL Pro Contract Invitational!

Already in the ring are three fresh-faced rookies. ‘Rosemarys Baby’ by Fantomas begins to play and Umbra slowly walks to the ring, dragging a Teddy bear just behind him. He gets in the ring and sits in a corner clutching at his teddy bear.

The bell rings and Umbra sets his bear aside. He stands and quickly gains the upper hand in the match but the attention of the crowd quickly turns to something else.

A fan has jumped the barricade and he’s wearing a black ski mask and wielding the chair he was sitting on. Several members of security rush toward him but he is quick to take each of them out with the folding chair. He then rolls into the ring and starts nailing all of the rookies with the chair.

Jenny Jersey: Someone has climbed in the ring and is raising hell!

The masked assailant looks over at Umbra and he tosses the chair aside. Umbra grabs the masked assailants mask. The masked assailant grabs Umbras mask. Both of them tug and we are surprised by both reveals.


Linzi Martin: Wait…is that…Spyke Gein! UMBRA IS SPYKE GEIN!

Spyke falls into a sitting position and hides his hands behind his face. He rocks back and forth in a disturbing manner. We haven’t seen a trace of Spyke since his wife had miscarried. He clearly wasn’t taking it well. Allen falls to a knee and puts a hand on his shoulder.

Allen: “Are you alright?”

Spyke offers no response. He simply grabs his teddy bear, rolls out of the ring, and heads to the back. Allen looks around and notices the other three match participants are starting to stir. All three come at him and he quickly levels each of them with a Set-Up (bionic elbow) and the crowd goes wild. He pins one of them but the ref refuses to count. Allen stands and is quick to kick the ref in the gut and bring him down on the mat with a package piledriver.


Larry Gordon: That was like, right in my fucking ear.

Allen stands and looks at all the chaos he created and laughs to himself a little bit. All three of the rookies were bleeding from the face. The ref was twitching slightly on the ground. Allen pounds on his chest and raises his arms, letting out a triumphant shout. The crowd goes wild for the savage display. A few more members of security come out but are stopped by Simon Kalis as he walks out with a briefcase in hand and a referee in tow. The ref slides into the ring. Allen looks at Simon with a confused look on his face but is interrupted by a punch from one of the rookies. The other two had rolled out of the ring and were leaving and probably showed some intelligence in doing so. Allen boots the rookie in the chest and delivers a second package piledriver. Mikey Massacre turns and shouts in Linzi Martins ear.


Linzi Martin: Wow, you’re right. That IS pretty annoying.

Allen places his foot atop the fallen rookie and doesn’t take his eyes off of Simon as the ref makes the 3 count and calls for the bell. No music plays as they don’t have Allens music on file. Simon approaches the ring and sets the briefcase on the apron. He opens it and takes out a clipboard. He reaches between the ropes, extending it to Allen. Allen has a look at it before he reaches down and rubs the rookies forehead, smearing blood all over his hand before he finger paints his name on the dotted line. He hands the contract to Simon who puts it in his briefcase before politely golf-clapping for Allen. He heads to the back, leaving Allen to celebrate.

Linzi Martin: Now THAT is how you sign a contract in REBEL Pro! ‘The Comedian’ Allen Chaney has officially arrived in REBEL!

Larry Gordon: That big fat joke is gonna make a mockery out of professional wrestling!

Allen high fives a few of the fans as he heads to the back, smiling wide.

The Day Of…

We move to a shot of Susan Boyle now entering the backstage area of the Underground Arena in Las Vegas. Its the night of the fight. She makes her way down the hallway and stops at Justin Case’s dressing room door.

Boyle trys to dry off her moist palm and nervously knocks on Case’s door.

Justin answers rather rudely.

Susan Boyle: Justin Case! I cant believe I am in the same

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place as “The Chosen One!”

Justin Case: Yeah, who the hell are you?!

Susan is taken back by the news

Susan Boyle: What do you mean? You sent me a letter and paid my way here. Look, I even have a front row center ticket.

She pulls out her ticket.

Justin Case: Well, thats an Aggression ticket, but I dont know what the hell you are talking about lady. Listen chick, hit the bricks. I got alot of groupee’s. Stand AT THE END of the line!

Case slams the door in her face!

Susan Boyle can’t believe it. She came all this way for what? This?

For reasons unknown, suddenly her frown changes to an smile.

Fade out…

Number One Contenders Match for the Aggression Championship!

Justin Case versus Jake Norton

With Susan Boyle at ringside in the front row cheering him on, Justin Case makes a grand entrance which is quickly cut short by Jake Norton sneak attacking him from behind. Immediately Norton with a Russian leg sweep into the guard rails catches TCO off guard, but Justin Case quickly rebounds with some errant elbows that catch Norton hard. He throws Norton into the ring and the bell rings to start the match up. Case with a German Suplex crashes Norton to the canvas. Norton rolls with it, getting to his feet with Case and hitting a Pendulum Elbow that knocks Case flat on the canvas.

The crowd is really into it as Norton continues his assault with a wheelbarrow dragon suplex! He goes for the cover but only gets a two count, and Case gets some encouragement from Susan Boyle in front row as she holds up a sign that says “Case’s #1 Fan!” Case now dodges an attack by Norton, and then quickly hits a Fishermans suplex on Jake Norton. Case wastes no time, his veteran presence of mind kicking in as he climbs up top and lands a wonderfully executed shooting star press over Jake Norton and this time he covers! He gets the 1! The 2! But not the 3 as Norton kicks out, trying desperately to hold onto his undefeated streak. Norton elbows Case again, throws his arms out to his sides and absorbs the reaction from the crowd before twisting around and hitting Case with double hammerlock piledriver! This time Norton covers!




Norton shakes off the referee’s decision and lifts Case back up but Case with a quick grapple then whips Norton into the ropes. Case lands a great dropkick which sends both men crashing to the canvas. Norton is however looking to capitalize and does so by hitting a half nelson suplex on Case, although considering the size difference it took a lot out of him to do it. It’s then that Susan Boyle herself hops over the guard rail and quickly vanishes under the ring. Norton catches it and begins looking around at all sides for her. From underneath the ring, Susan Boyle appears again this time with an aluminum barbed wire covered bat! She slides in behind Norton, the crowd is going NUTS, Case’s jaw has dropped and Norton… Jake Norton looks at the REBELTron and gets a televised view of what’s happening, and before he can even turn around to meet her, Susan Boyle cracks the back of his head open with the hardest swing she can muster. Norton lurches forward, bouncing onto the ropes as Susan drops her weapon and steps aside. Case is up and catches Norton as he bounces back from those ropes and hits JUST 2 TALENTED! The crowd can’t believe it! Case covers!





Justin gets his hand raised and that’s when, as “Victory” blares through the speakers, he and Susan Boyle embrace in a hug in the middle of the ring. Norton rolls out of the ring very groggily, holding the back of his bleeding head on the ground outside the ring. Case and Boyle get out of the ring, and hand in hand they walk up the entrance ramp victoriously with The Wiz following closely behind.

Fake Empire III

Backstage, in the Wrestling’s Undisputed private locker-room, Salazar ties his bootlaces while Deicide rolls the kinks out of his strained neck. Both Undisputed Tag Team Championships rest atop the coffee table conveniently positioned for this camera shot to include. In the background, a strangely familiar voice gives the ‘go’ to speak.

Cesar Salazar: “It’s only been two months since this arena blew up.”

Sitting upward, Salazar leans back into the comfortable, leather cushion of the couch seating both Undisputed members.

Cesar Salazar: “Simon resurrecting it – is too soon, I feel.”

One glass of dark, brown liquid swirls inside, thanks to the rotating wrist of Deicide.

Deicide: “It’s surprising, to say the least; that people are filing in, as we speak.”

Now downing the liquor, Deicide tilts his head backward.

Paul Alba: “Perhaps the fact Mainerishi is nowhere-in-sight and will not be physically part of this show makes this Super Aggression acceptable?”

The ‘strangely familiar’ voice from earlier is now made clear: Paul Alba, the voice of Underground X via play-by-play/lead commentator and author of Blacklist transcripts.

Cesar Salazar: “That could be possible.”

Exhaling hard on a whisper, mucus crackling Deicide’s voice sounds. Leaving the couch, Deicide heads to the locker-room bathroom to spit his mouthful of phlegm into a toilet bowl.

Cesar Salazar: “He’s terribly sick.”

Paul pans the camera around to get a view of Deicide standing in front of a sink, tossing cold water onto his face.

Paul Alba: “Will it affect his performance?”

Cesar Salazar: “No.”

The out-of-shot response prompts the camera to return to focusing on Salazar.

Paul Alba: “Right. You two are gems at wrestling, but the Eastern Uproars –“

Deicide: “They go by simply ‘Uproars’ now.”

You can’t see it, but Alba is visibly sad.

Paul Alba: “What’s wrong with ‘Eastern Uproars’? I pegged that, you know.”

Patting his thigh thrice in rhythm, Salazar nods.

Cesar Salazar: “Who knows what they’re doing now. Am I the only one that’s noticed Edison lost his humbled, blue-chip charm, lately? He’s excessively swearing, playing hipster and acts cock of the walk, all of the sudden.”

Paul Alba: “I think he’s reinventing himself for the REBEL audience. Maybe he wants to be seen under another light instead of ‘Pee Wee Herman in spandex’.”

Deicide: “All that falling-with-style Edison does, he ought to voice Buzz Lightyear.”

Paul Alba: “Edison should become the fifth Wiggle.”

Cesar Salazar: “He’d have to know how to make fruit salad.”

Almost in the vein of Family Guy, the scene changes to an old video of Disney Playhouse’s “The Wiggles” ( When we return, the trio eventually stops laughing at Edison’s expense. Really, Edison is a saint! He doesn’t deserve this mockery.

Paul Alba: “Alright, we gotta record you guys saying something provocative.”

Former archrivals turned closest of friends, Salazar and Deicide exchange a look, as if telepathically speaking.

Paul Alba: “How about we start with you, Deicide.”

The Undisputed duo simultaneously looks back at Alba.

Deicide: “Well, I’ve been sick the past few days: got a sore throat, thumping headache, warm fever, stuffy nose, all common symptoms of a typical autumn cold. Yet, still, I am quite confident in retaining these belts.”

Paul Alba: “Why is that?”

Without needing to ponder, let alone think, Deicide replies smoothly as silk.

Deicide: “I’m not being arrogant, Paul. Salazar and I have discussed at length the UX tag division, when that’s where we reigned supreme, so of course, the Uproars being one of the very few teams we had yet to separate and force out of town, the topic of our stance on their importance, value and skill crept in frequently.”

Intervening, Salazar adds to Deicide’s admission with a smile and the following:

Cesar Salazar: “Most of our conversations are work-related. Our minds constantly calculating, analyzing, determining moves, strategies, techniques, whatever can enhance our mental performances. And, we’ve estimated the Uproars as being our true UX adversaries. If anyone in that awful league had an ounce of potential, it would be them. Therefore, if they were given the opportunity to challenge us, we would not stipulate the match as ‘Losers Leave UX’ because they are crucial to having a substantial tag division that’s rich and diverse. We still believe them to be fantastic counterparts.”

Paul Alba: “That’s cool hearing you two credit them as great competitors. But, what’s the catch? You two obviously aren’t planning to lose.”

Both Champions take their belts off the coffee table by the leather and hoist them onto their shoulders.

Deicide: “Simon Kalis took a jab at us recently on a promotional poster by saying this match is for the ‘Disputed’ Tag Team Championships. Apparently, he didn’t like our words from a few weeks ago saying he should just recognize us as the absolute tag champions of REBEL Pro and be our cheerleader. Hence him booking not just his daughter but himself against Krontrovery Kreates Kake for the REBEL Tag Titles on tonight’s card, too.”

Cesar Salazar: “Are we upset by this? No. In all actuality, he’s given us what we wanted. I’m sure many of you fans have noticed in previous weeks, Simon hasn’t been booking us. Why? Because he knows we’ll wipe out this division. We obliterated Golden Inferno in our official in-ring REBEL debut, and that’s not really something to hoot about, but considering that Job Squad is one of – what – two tag teams available in REBEL Pro? That left KKK to defend the hold. Fortunately, Simon has roped in ‘Fine Wine’ and ‘The Uproars’ to stabilize things, but once we defeat ‘The Uproars’ tonight, and I imagine ‘KKK’ overcomes the Kalis Family, predictably, our paths must cross to unify the tag championships.”

Deicide: “The ultimate goal here is purifying this tag division. Do we wish to save it? Yes. How so? By being elite, classy motherfuckers who’re technically profound and are capable of establishing far-reaching connections with the masses. Believe it or not, Salazar and I don’t get our jollies off bending bodies in unnatural ways or piling up mutilated corpses like Simon Kalis fantasies about. You know, the oh-so-cool ideal of transforming ringside into a warzone – complete with decapitated heads spiked on turnbuckles and bloodstained mats.”

Cesar Salazar: “We only do that because that’s what it takes to defeat these REBELs. This federation is built off the promise of brutality, so we must meet the standard in order to cleanse and rebuild the infrastructure.”

A little puzzled by this answer, Alba’s eyes narrow, and then widen.

Paul Alba: “So, basically, you two aren’t pro-traditional, right?”

Salazar shrugs as Deicide folds his hands onto his lap.

Cesar Salazar: “You know me. I think wrestling should have traditional rules, so if that is a consequence of our solution, that’s fine by me. But no, when we say ‘purify’ – we speak of wanting to rid the tag division of this poor impression of being for the medium talent who’ve yet to discover themselves.”

Deicide: “By defeating Tony Edison and Erik Loomis tonight, and retaining our Undisputed Tag Championships, we’re one step closer to taking this division to the next level: Main Event stature. That’s where we need to elevate these beauties. Because, if the World Heavyweight Championship and our Undisputed Tag Championships were booked on the same card, what would likely happen is the World Heavyweight headlining over us. Why? What makes the singles division more suitable than ours? Not only are Salazar and I world-class athletes that’ve wrestled more than an hour at a time, but we’re equally as marketable as The Phoenix. Actually, fuck, I’ve heard Justin Case was a former REBEL World Champion. There’s no fucking way you can say “it’s more prestigious” when that untalented asshole has claim to that.”

Cesar Salazar: “The Uproars are in the beginning stages of their formation, too. They’re just not ready to carry the burden of being REBEL Tag Champion. This division is in shambles, and we’re the only tag team with purpose, let alone one that really gives a damn what happens to it. In the end, Paul, yes, the Uproars are talented, but what gives us the advantage tonight is more than our bone-breaking mastery: our willful passion.”

Paul Alba: “Sounds ultra.”

With that not-too-subtle, possibly still too-soon dark joke, the segment ends with Deicide holding back a laugh and Salazar shaking his head at Alba.

Got A Lot of Things

“Badass” hits up in the speakers as from the back to a thunderous ovation is Bubba J, the Ragin’ Redneck himself. He’s got a microphone in his hand and is speaking as he walks down the ramp.

“Whats up?!”

The crowd gets louder.

“I need a beer!”

They laugh, but a fan hands him a Natural Light, he opens it up as he walks up the ramp.

“Cheap… but effective!”

The crowd laughs again.

“What the fuck is up in here?!”

He seems taken a back a bit.

“I’m sorry to all the fucking kids, I didn’t mean to say fuck, fuck me I keep saying fuck!”

The crowd laughs, the kids have heard worse I’m sure.

“Anyways, let me get down to the bizness at hand…”

He chugs some beer.

“I got my fucking name back!”

The crowd is loving it.

“I got my damn fucking name back!”

The crowd is even louder.

“I’ve got 2 percent control of Rebel Pro!”

The crowd isn’t letting up.

“It ain’t much but that fat fuck Gordon ain’t got it…”

He lowers and tilts his head to the side.

“Does he?”

They all laugh, he has them in the palm of his hand.

“I also have to do something with this 2 percent, but that is less important right now. I’ve got a couple of other things to talk about.”

He walks around the ring, tossing the beer back and emptying it.

“I’ve got a World Title #1 Contender match later tonight, with a pussy that left this fucking company because he doesn’t have the balls to stand up to real competition!”

The Underground X fans boo at this, but he waves at them.

“Ya’ll support your company, I respect that, just as I think this company is the best, nothing wrong with loyalty… its damn good as a matter of fact.”

He catches a beer from a fan, looks surprised, then pops the top; its a Budweiser.


He belches.

“But I’ve got to find a Tag Team partner as well and with Vinny Black off making homosexual pornos…”

The crowd laughs, they know that Bubba J and Vincent Black are always making stupid jokes with each other.

“I’m left without a partner. So, I’ve got to find someone, or else this shot will be wasted… I don’t like to waste any fucking thing.”

He lights up a cigarette in the middle of the ring.

“But there is even something more important than that and its that sumbitch known as Macca.”

He stops his pacing, staring at the back.

“I want him out here and I want him out here next week. I’ll wait one more week Macca and that is it… or else I’m coming after your ass. You beat me once and I want a chance to… repay the favor… so to speak.”

He belches again, tapping ash on the canvas.

“But for the mean time… Sean Robinson is going to get his whimpy ass whooped!”

“Baddass” hits back up as Bubba J exits the ring to a thunderous ovation.

Wrestling’s Undisputed? Lol, jk!

“Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger” plays and Tony Edison walks down to the ring, solo this time. The crowd does adore him, no doubt about it, but he doesn’t seem as into the crowd as usual. He greets them and shows the love, by something seems off. He grabs a microphone, sliding into the ring and his music cuts. The crowd, respecting him, gets quiet right away.

Edison: Love the adoration you guys show to us every week, it means a lot.

Crowd pop, as expected. Cater to them and they love you forever.

Edison: So the Uproars have a huge match tonight, we face off against Wrestling’s Undisputed for the “Disputed” Tag Team Championships. Didn’t take us long in the REBEL system to get something, eh?

Another crowd pop, but I just want to know if Edison is aware that these aren’t really the “top tier” belts in the system.

Edison: So tonight id like to have a bit of a chat before our match with an opponent. So ladies and gentlemen, please welcome our dear friends, Deicide and Cesar Salazar!

The music plays and two men appear on the stage. They look like Salazar and Deicide, but nobody is fooled. People are actually laughing at this display. Suddenly, Erik Loomis comes out dressed in a full suit, sunglasses and all. He grabs the supposed “Salazar” by the wrist, implying that he should be following him back to the back.

Edison: Excuse me, sir, what’s going on? Where are you taking my special guest?

Loomis grabs a microphone.

Loomis: I’m with INS, and am taking this man with me on suspicion of his being an illegal alien. He’s looking at being deported.

Edison: Well, I hate to be one to fight with the government, so if it must be done.

He shrugs as the other man, the supposed “Deicide” makes his way to the ring. He gets in and the two shake hands. Edison gets him a microphone.

Edison: Now Deicide, you’ve been in this business for quite some time, long enough to consider yourself a veteran, right?

Deicide: Yes, that would be accurate.

Edison: Some might even look at you as a “messiah” of sorts?

Deicide nods, actually, looking quite flattered.

Edison: But you have yet to face either myself, or Erik Loomis to date, and I pride myself in saying that we are probably the biggest challenge you have to date

Deicide: Well, I don’t know if I’d–

Edison is facing away from the man now, looking to the crowd, Deicide about two steps behind him.

Edison: Shut your mouth.

And with that said, Edison drops the microphone and does a perfectly executed Pele Kick, cutting the imposter’s story short. He gets back up as Loomis comes out to the ring in his gear.

Edison: We are the best tag team in this business, and when it comes down to it, we will do whatever it takes to win any championship that signifies us as being one of the top tier competitors. So if you want to rant about your God complex, or your intense riches, or that awful Mexican accent that you can’t rid yourself of, then shut up, and show up in this ring to back your shit up. Loomis and I have done everything in our power to get this division back on track, but everybody seems to be getting in our way. Tonight, we’re just ridding REBEL of one more obstacle.

With that Edison drops the microphone to an awesome crowd reaction.

“Disputed” Tag Team Championship Match

The Uproars versus Wrestling’s Undisputed

- No time for proper introductions or back-story this time, because seconds after returning from commercial break, just when the Undisputed (or ‘Disputed’ – Lol not really) Tag Team Champions stepped inside the ring, with the already in-ring Uproars (Tony Edison & Erik Loomis) ready to pounce, Deicide took it upon himself to call Edison a ‘pee wee faggot’, prompting the UX Hall of Famer to strike venomously! Nailing Deicide with a forearm smash, Edison then wheel kicks Salazar over-the-top-rope! Loomis, a bit late to the party, nonetheless scoops a re-gathered Deicide and performs an argentine backbreaker!

- Okay, since Deicide is laid out, courtesy of a spinning spinebuster by Erik Loomis, and Salazar had eaten a disastrous diving Leg Drop that drove him face-first into concrete, thanks to Tony Edison’s top rope aerial, Linzi and Gordon have a few seconds to spare for some insight: The Uproars were being built as the team who could save the UX Tag division from the destructive, unwholesome force of former-archrivals-turned-best-buds, Deicide & Cesar Salazar, but due to Ultra Passion Movement’s shenanigans and subsequent acquisition by Simon Kalis, Underground X folded, thus The Uproars lost that momentum and opportunity. However, Simon Kalis has given the Uproars a chance to claim those UX Undisputed Tag Championships in a final hurrah match before what many spectators predict will be a merger of both REBEL and UX Tag Championships match at an undetermined event.

- Jumping onto the apron and then propelling himself skyward, Edison takes Salazar and himself over the barricade with an electric Asai Moonsault, which receives many lovely chants from the crowd!! Back inside the ring, Deicide has reversed Loomis’s fireman hold into a Crucifix Driver that nearly scored an upset! Meanwhile, outside to Edison and Salazar’s side of action, Tony threw a chair at Salazar, who caught it, only to suffer one hellish spinning heel kick to the steel chair (also known as, Van Daminator!) Returning to Deicide and Loomis, the UX Tag Champion has brought Loomis into a nearby turnbuckle, and is attempting to pull Loomis up onto the top buckle for a powerbomb of sorts! Yet, when Deicide tried for a powerbomb, the Undisputed member slipped, but it was Loomis who caught him and brought ‘The Sacred’ overhead and down to the canvas with a utterly devastating over-the-shoulder belly-to-back piledriver!!!!

Linzi Martin: “WHAT THE BLUE F*CK!?”


Loomis went for the cover, but when former UX referee, now REBEL referee Charlie went to count, Deicide instinctively fucking placed his foot on the fucking bottom rope!! No way in hell that should have happened after such a crushing move, but god damn it, it happened!

- Skipping three minutes forward: super frankensteiner sends Deicide awkwardly into the canvas, to Edison’s delight. Tony dives for a lateral press, but Salazar interferes with a release powerbomb to Erik Loomis, that coincidentally brings Loomis onto a midair Edison’s backside! Now given time to recover, Deicide watches his profound partner, Cesar Salazar, kneel step-over head-hold armbar a face-down Loomis, followed by hooking his leg, but when Edison intervenes, Salazar takes a thrust kick to the side of the head; effectively ending his submission! This compels Deicide to act, leading to a brawl between Edison and Deicide that is eventually taken onto the apron. When they go there, Deicide knees Edison in the gut and jumping spike piledrives Edison off the apron and onto the concrete below for maximum (s)markage!

At the same time, Salazar has performed a brilliant hat trick (seven consecutive vertical suplexes) that concludes in an Indian Deathlock! Erik Loomis holds out for as long as he possibly could, but with no means of escape, Loomis knew when to call it quits. A verbal submission grants Wrestling’s Undisputed victory and a successful title defense, but not an absolute merry crowd. Only some in the audience are delighted by Salazar and Deicide’s victory; others, not so much. Still, “Game of Thrones Main Title” boasts its epic notes, to the Uproars’ disappointment.

Paul Alba, who had been at ringside this enter time, cheering his clients on, takes the Undisputed Championships from ring announcer Jenny Jersey, hands one of them to Deicide and raises his hand triumphantly, while Salazar meets them at the entranceway to receive his belt and also a hand-raise from Paul Alba, too.

[Match: 14 minutes, 58 seconds]

Sean RobinsoWhoCares?

Bubba J, the man sitting in front of the camera on a wooden folding chair, smokes a cigarette and looks for all the world like he doesn’t care.

“I sit here and wonder about you Robinson, does anyone care, do you care, do you have any idea what you’ve been booked in to?”

He sneers.

“In your return you are facing Bubba J…”

He waves a hand in dismissal.

“You may have had a match before now, you may not have, I couldn’t care less because its you Sean Robinson and frankly… who cares?”

He exhales.

“You were once a very promissing talent that could have been inducted into the Extreme Elite… but were too much of a bonefied pussy to stand up to the fucking rigors of having to go at every single thing as hardcore. You’d whimper at the sight of blood, you’d get squeamish when we told you what to do, you were just… pa-fucking-thetic.”

A drag on the cigarette.

“But you went on to find your niche in a federation, a company, a place that is called Underground X.”

He coughs gently.

“But like most everything you are associated with, it went to shit as well. Sean, you are like an STD gotten from a rotten prostitute, something that Mr. Clean turns his head when he comes near. You are worthless, you are less than worthless, you are something that no one wants to be associated with. I don’t know if Simon actually wanted to sign you or if you just had that long left on your contract and they needed bodies to take the beatings that us in Rebel are prone to giving out.”

He snickers.

“You left Robinson, you ran away like a bitch and didn’t bother even to say why. I figured its because you couldn’t handle it here, you were scared, you are a human sized vagina that looks like a man.”

He shivers.

“I’ve seen some others before in my day, but they go by the name of Justin Case.”


“This match is for the right to be immediately put back in the Rebel Pro World Title picture, something I’d like to have, but is just window dressing to make you give a damn about this match. Its something that fishermen, hunters, people like that call bait.”

He looks at the camera, seeing if Sean is interested, as though he could tell.

“Which will make you show up and get the bloody hell beat out of you, because it will have drug you in like a junky looking for a fix even though he knows its killing him one snort at a time.”

He shakes his head.

“The name may be back to Bubba J, but the hardcore asshole never left the fucking building sunshine. I’m not going to say the typical I’m gonna walk in there and stomp a mudhole in your ass and then walk it dry.”

He shakes his head.

“Nope, I’m going to say, that I’m walking in there, beating your ass black, blue, and red. I’m going to fill the building with the squeals of your pain, the whimpering of your voicebox, the cries of your torture…”

He winks as he flicks the cigarette away.

“And its all gonna be legal. But one important thing Sean… I’m going to enjoy every fucking second of it.”

He winks.


When In Rome…

The Jumbotron in the newly-rebuilt (and upgraded) UX Arena flickers to life, and Sean Robinson’s face fills the screen. Some minor scarring is apparent from the flames that engulfed the old UX Arena in its final night, but otherwise he’s just as handsome as ever. Among the chorus of boos from the REBEL faithful, some fangirl shrieking can be heard.

“Bubba J… Dale Petty… Whatever he calls himself these days, the big dumb redneck can always rely on one thing: Being totally and completely out of his league in a wrestling ring.

Look at last week’s Aggression, for instance. It took every ounce of energy, determination, and strength he had, just to beat Bobby Lee. The same Bobby Lee who tried to interrupt my REBEL debut. Then he pissed himself.

You let a pisspants retard nearly beat you. And you only won because he punched himself in the sack, and you fell on top of him.”

An incredulous look crosses his face.

“And Kalis trusts you to possibly be the number one contender? He thinks that facing you this week, for a shot at the World Heavyweight Title, is some sort of challenge for me? Does he even know who the fuck I am? Let me tell you exactly who I am.

I am the longest-reigning Undisputed Champion in Underground X history. Longer than both of Jonathan Cage’s reigns put together. Longer than all three of Sinister Fiend’s reigns combined. I’m a UX Hall of Famer. Fuck that, I’m the UX Hall Of Fame. I’m the greatest technical wrestler in the world today.

Last week, while Bubba J was preparing for his hand-picked opponent, I went up against Anna Matthews, the current Aggression champion. My second match in REBEL, against someone that Bubba has had a hell of a time beating in the past, and I tore her apart in twenty minutes. I didn’t just make her tap out. I cut off her air supply, choked the bitch out, and sent her for a long nap.

But I guess that win finally convinced Simon Kalis that I’m the best damn thing going in his company right now. Two weeks ago, I wasn’t on his radar. Last week, I called his punk ass out, then I made his precious little Aggression Champion my bitch. And I must have finally gotten through his thick nignorant skull, because now I’m getting a shot at the World Title. Right after I beat this dropout from “Cletus’s House Of Waffles n Wrasslin”. This is the kind of booking that goes on here in REBEL? You put your most athletically gifted talent into a deathmatch, and expect to draw a crowd?

Here I am: A perfectly tuned Ferrari in a demolition derby.”

The camera zooms out, and his upper body comes into view. Cue more fangirl squeee. His hands are clasped behind his back.

“Simon Kalis thinks that if he puts me into a match like this, I’ll be so far out of my element that Bubba J has no problem beating me. He thinks that I can’t hold my own in a deathmatch. And maybe he has a point. UX wasn’t known for any of those old-fashioned ideals like ‘rules’ or ‘honor’, but it wasn’t all about blood and guts, either. There was a happy medium there. The hardcore had their fun, and so did the purists like myself. And now I come to REBEL, where the word of the day is violence. Perhaps I’m out of my element. Maybe I’m not ready for the ultraviolent style that the fans in REBEL expect on a weekly basis. They love their kendo sticks, their light tubes, their flaming tables. And I’m more into crisp suplexes, sharp chops, and deadly-accurate dropkicks.

But I’ve learned a few things during my time at the top of the game. One of those things is adaptability. I’m nothing if not flexible. There’s a saying here in Vegas. It comes from the large latino community. Donde fueres, haz lo que vieres..”

His hands come out from behind his back, and the fans erupt as they see what he holds. His right hand, used previously to deliver lightning-quick jabs, is wrapped with tape, doused in glue, and then covered in shards of broken glass. In his left hand, he holds a Louisville Slugger, wrapped with glistening razor wire.

“When in Rome…”

The picture fades to black as the trademark Robinson smirk greets REBEL for the first time.

Number One Contenders DEATH Match for the REBEL Pro World Championship

Bubba J versus Sean Robinson

- So we can finally call Bubba J by the name we all know him best by, which is great, but what would be better is seeing the former REBEL World Champion become the number one contender for Phoenix’s World Championship! And since this is a deathmatch, odds are certainly stacked in the Ultraviolent Icon’s favor. All he has to do is beat the widely-acclaimed ‘Greatest Wrestler Today’, Sean Robinson. The same Sean Robinson whose epic ‘tiger driver’ drove Kevin Holiday through the roof of a rusty car in UX’s infamous ‘Parking Lot Brawl’ match, drove eWo Legend, Reno Drake, off the very top of a ladder and into the ring canvas, and shelved multiple wrestlers (Jonathan Fhenix, ‘Bad Man’ Reece Jackson and Johnny Chainz) by means of his torturous ligament-tearing, bone-breaking methods! Regardless of this being a deathmatch, to paraphrase Sean Robinson, he’s adaptable, but if Bubba J can defeat him, that is serious claim, though vice-versa effect.

- One fist taped yet covered atop this tape is glued shards whilst the other hand wields a Louisville slugger coated with freshly-made barbwire, sharp to the touch. These fists are attached to Sean Robinson, who clearly is bringing all his hardcore craziness tonight, but Bubba J (who only has a Singapore cane) apparently does not give any fuck. A lit cigarette stuck to Bubba’s lips is being inhaled coolly as the bionic roughneck eggs Robbo on. Amusing Bubba’s confidence, Sean comes out twirling the baseball bat as Bubba stands still. When Sean swings, Bubba catches the bat with one hand! Albeit the barbwire slices open Bubba’s hand, Bubba nevertheless devilishly grins to Sean’s awe, and then slaps him upside the head repeatedly with the kendo stick!

- Falling backward onto his ass, Robinson holds onto his aching head in full defense mode, but Bubba has dropped the Singapore cane to equip himself with that barbwire slugger, instead! First kicking Robinson in the face, thus Sean whips backward once more to lie completely out, Bubba swings the baseball bat as if it were a wood (golf club) for the bat not only to harshly blast Robinson in his ribcage but as result, the barbwire invades into Robinson’s skin rather rape!! Howling in pain, Robinson begins to roll his self away, but Bubba brings the bat overhead and slams it once more into Robinson, this time hitting his spine!

- Bleeding from the nose, and from pierced skin along the left-side ribs and backside, Robinson already struggles to stand, but assistance from Bubba J, who is now also on the apron, quickens Sean’s pace. Though not what he had in mind, Sean is forced against the ropes after five rough jabs to the damage ribs sustain him, and then, Bubba’s arms wrap around Sean’s waist. Robinson knew what would come, so desperately fought back with elbows to Bubba’s head, but Bubba drove his fist so hard in Robinson’s ribcage, Sean temporarily ceased all action on his end, which is all Bubba needed to pull backward for an overhead belly-to-back suplex that sent Robinson through the announcer’s table!!! If Robinson weren’t too busy being in tremendous pain, this is where he chants, “THIS IS WRESTLING” though no one needs to fear, Fans have got that covered for him!!

Linzi Martin: “OH DEAR GAAAAAWD!!”


Linzi Martin: “Oh Fu**! Larry, this doesn’t look good. Robinson needs medical attention!”


- Walking along the debris of his handiwork, Bubba J eyes Larry Gordon with a wicked grin and two middle fingers to salute! Naturally, Fans absolutely devour Bubba’s awesomeness through chants of ‘Welcome Back’ and ‘Thank You, J!’

Linzi Martin: “No, Bubba J hasn’t gone anywhere, folks. I think Fans here are welcoming back the name, the spirit of Bubba J!”

Scooping Robinson off his bloody back, Bubba rams the alleged ‘Greatest Wrestler Today’ into the ring post once, and then shoves his carcass inside the ring. Placing both hands on top of Robinson’s barely pumping chest, Bubba J watches Referee John Chellios (LOLOLOL – Yes, the former UX wrestler / icon) initiate the count, but shockingly, Robinson lifts a leg onto the bottom rope! Chellios nearly counted the three without noticing it, but Chellios’s lazy-eye managed to catch a glimpse, fortunately for Robbo!

- Nodding in respect, as Bubba is prone to do in these types of scenarios, the Trailer Park Phenomenon grabs Robinson by the nape of his neck, pulling him onto his feet, but in the midst of this double standing, Robinson effectively uppercuts Bubba with that Taipei fist of glued, broken glass! Blow by blow, Robinson slices Bubba’s skin open in sections of the jaw, chest, stomach, right arm, and concludes by stealing and executing Bubba’s signature seated three-quarter facelock jawbreaker (Trailer Park Trash / Stunner)!! Bubba shoots upward after Robinson’s interpretation of the stunner, but coincidentally lands against the turnbuckles, to automatically stand him upon touching canvas. However, Robinson knocks Bubba twice more in the cheek, tearing Bubba open rather gruesomely, and transitions into a – you fucking guessed it –


Hooking a badly bloodied Bubba J’s leg, a somehow-even-worse bloodied Robinson collapses onto Bubba for Referee John Chellios to count the one-two-three! So many fans are breathless from surprise or excitement, that hearing ‘Amazing (Heartbeats Remix)” by Kanye West blare, is almost surreal. Two minutes ago, nobody would have predicted this outcome.


Linzi Martin: “Sean Robinson has earned the right to face The Phoenix for the REBEL World Heavyweight Championship at ‘Merry Time Massacre’!”

Sean Robinson madly laughs in relief, despite not capable of standing or even sitting upward. But his fellow Wrestling’s Undisputed mates (Paul Alba, Cesar Salazar & Deicide) come out in celebration. While Fans make sure to announce their very mixed reaction to Robinson’s win, Deicide & Salazar hoist a much bloodied Sean Robinson onto their shoulders as Paul Alba is yelling at the cameraman and viewers at home, “LOOK AT YOUR NEXT WORLD CHAMPION, CUNTS! HE IS GREATNESS, HE IS REBELLIOUS, AND HE IS UNDISPUTED!” That takes us into a quick commercial break.

[Match: 8 minutes, 36 seconds]

Stoopid Different Segment!

This is a sea of static, a sea of sorrow, a land beyond time. We have somehow slipped through the cracks of the mind of William Shatner as he scratches the lid of his pine box furiously. He is not dead and nether is his career. But in the sun’s eye, he might as well be. What we’re seeing and how we’re seeing it depends on the beholder. Is that a donut or a lifesaver? It could be a parachute or nothing at all really. Maybe I’m making this up as I go along, the way I used to do. Or maybe you’re making it up for me. It doesn’t seem to matter much. The bottom line is we are here. In Vegas. And Anna is outside the Underground Arena, looking at it but not really looking. Wasn’t this place blown up?

PuppetLiza: Ummm…I think Simon rebuilt it.

Silly Puppet. You’re adhering to a possible canon. That never works. The warehouse was torn down too, but they retconned that shit. I’m sure it still gives Holiday fits. Allow us to make a more plausible theory. A TARDIS and a Waybac machine collided and subsequently reverse the damage. It also brought back the dead. See them zombies? They’re still coming to see the show. Poor bastards. But why just stand here? Why not say hello?

Anna Mathews: Cuz diff’rent arenas haz diff’rent vibrashuns depending awn the circumstances.

Like holy ground.

Anna Mathews: Xactly. Yif won does not throughlee prepare four the soaked in memories of the building, they will cum across a rather roode awakening.

PuppetLisa: Since when did you get all spiritual?

Since we learned how this works. Eyes dart as everything seems to breathe at the same time. The foundation inhales and exhales on its own. The zombies glance at each other, confused. As if they’re trying to remember if this had happened before. The sky darkens suddenly, forcing lights to glitter past. Walking to the door is methodical. Mindfulness in each step with a steel focus. Swish. The gate of hell open with ease. Before she could take a step inside, a grin dances across the Aggression champion’s face.

(Helloooooo Underground! I see you hav plentee ov generic mofo’s inn ur lifetimes.)

Glimpses appear. Paxton. Robinson. Edison and Loomis. Or is it Loomis and Edison?

(Whatevs. Interchangible fucks wit no reel substance. Decent looking guys wif decent moves, only one ov wish had enuff stroke frum the hype machine to win big shinys inn ur beloved company. Mazeltov. Still doesn’t matter too me. I doan’t have the tyme to try to prove myself two anybuddy.

Well, acktualy, I do. But it’d be a wasted effort on my part. Ya see, I dunno if you kno this. But I’m won of the workhorses of Rebel Pro. Dis would be what? The second time aye’ve competeted for two titles? With any luk, it’d alsew be the second tyme I snagged both.)

Indeed. Hey look, it’s Three Drink Minimum having a party.

(Onlee three azza staring point, Cuntster? I am disappoint. Make et twelve. Or nineteen. I luv nineteen.)

A ghostly Johnny Cage appears from nowhere saying nothing of relevance other than he’s a REBEL. He smears his face paint around and pretends to be serious.

(Sure, I’s lyke ta play a game. Just not with you. Booooooring! Cereal, the hells is up with him and the paint? Ultimate WARYAH wood be ashamed. No buddy care abowt the eWo. Knot even the peeps that work there. Shut up! Und bi the way, ur a “REBEL” by name only. Annibody can cents that.)

A dead cow lies to the side…

(Poor moo cow.)

…and in the charbroiled heart of things, a wrestling ring. The zombie fans have gather to their spots in the arena. Crows laugh from the outside while smoking cigarettes. Time abruptly stood still. A gander up to a roof stretched beyond its limits, a part of one colossal noodle. We loves noodles bathed in sauce and blood and muppet stuff. The grin returns.

Anna Mathews: Oh, yesh. Sooooo gonna like it here!~

One of the spotlights falls from the sky and lands just a few feet away.

(Still needs repairs tho.)

Fade out, assholes!

A True Son of the Confederacy

(The scene is at an old 1850′s Southern plantation in the Deep South where we see a tall, lanky man with long brown hair and a full beard wearing an all-white suit complete with white Oxford shoes, a black bolo tie, and a white cowboy hat with black trim standing in front of a cotton field in the foreground with an arrogant smirk etched on his face as we hear the heavy metal version of the “1812 William Tell Overture” in the background as he begins to speak.)

Mystery Man: ‘Dere is an old, antiquated term that goes along the lines of “Money is th’ root of all th’ e-vul in ‘dis world…”

The man silently chuckles to himself upon hearing this expression.

Mystery Man: My, oh my, how ‘dis is true! Y’all see here, for those un-educated yokels who are blissfully unaware of my name, my name is Ambrose Ulysses Beauregarde, a true “Son Of The Confederacy”, ‘de “Dixieland Delight Of The Night”, ‘de “Pride Of The Southland”… well, y’all get my point. Anyway, as a highly educated individual from “THE University of Mississippi”, not to mention being born with a rather sizeable silver spoon inserted into my mouth, one could say that I was born and bred for success. Whatever I didn’t earn, Momma and Poppa Beauregarde would buy for me, no questions asked. If I wanted a pool, they would build me a rather exquisite Olympic-sized swimming pool lined with marble. If I wanted any classic car, no demand was too unrealistic for my family. While all ‘de other youth in high school were driving dumpy cars to school, I’d show up in a different classic car every day just to rub it in those ruffians’ faces just how filthy rich my family truly is, while ‘de other kids are just plain filthy.

Beauregarde continues to smirk as he continues.

Ambrose Ulysses Beauregarde: In school, I had my share of tormentors who were quite jealous of my natural prowess in wealth and inherited athletic ability and pleasing chivalric behavior to the women-folk. But what y’all uneducated yokels fail to understand is that, while being rather gentlemanly toward the women, I had the brash swagger and innate athletic talent

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on the football field & in the amateur ‘rasslin’ ranks to back it up. That’s why comin’ to this savage land of ungentlemanly-like behavior, y’all need a man like Ambrose Ulysses Beauregarde to give this place some class it sorely lacks an’ bring wrestling spelled “W-R-E-S-T-L-I-N-G” back to the forefront. Some may view me as a snob, but I’m not. I’m merely better than all of y’all. Ambrose Ulysses Beauregarde, at your service.

The screen then freezes and turns into sepia tone with the words “Ambrose Ulysses Beauregarde” written in an exquisite black cursive font on the screen, with the words “Coming Soon to REBEL Pro…” below his name as the scene fades out back to ringside…

REBEL Pro Aggression Championship Match

Jonathan Cage versus Anna Mathews©

The lights dim as we hear some white noise over the PA system. Then as the white noise cuts out, a voice comes over the speakers.

“Wanna by Vid-Saver” href=”#” in_rurl=”″play a game?”

Then the lights come on instantly as “Forget to Remember” by Mudvayne blasts through the speakers. And standing at the top of the ramp is Jonathan Cage. He stares out at the crowd for a few moments before walking down to the ring. He slides in and goes to the far corner. He climbs and does his open hand crucifix pose for the crowd. He drops down and waits for his opponent. “Forget to Remember” fading away.

Larry Gordon: Jonothan looks ready for this matchup and the chance to win the Rebel Pro Aggression Title.

“This Town Ain’t Big Enough for Both of Us” hits up in the speakers and squirrels are running around all over the place, but Anna is already in the ring, handing her belt off to Jenny Jersey, who lovingly displays it for the crowd.

Ding Ding

Jonothan and Anna tie-up into a FIRM collar and elbow. They jockey for position, grunting, grimacing, neither able to gain the advantage. They’re locked
tight, like two pit-bulls, the strain showing in their arms and shoulders. Anna maneuvering Jonothan toward the ropes, Jonothan turns around, still neither into the ropes, Jimmy Johnson watching closely. Jonothan and Anna both drop to their bellies, still locked on, and slide to the outside. They’re on the
floor… still warring over a collar-and-elbow tie up! Neither will give way to the other! Their path takes them around a corner of the ring, and then…

Linzi Martin: Neither willing to admit they are a bit weaker.

Larry Gordon: Both need this first advantage.

Both end up back inside, still in the tie-up! They maneuver back to center ring, where both competitors violently break the hold.


Screw it.


Anna chops Jonothan HARD.


Jonothan chops Anna HARD.

WHAM! Anna with a headbutt staggers Jonothan into a corner. Anna begins UNLOADING WITH CHOPS. thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud THUD, Jonothan’s
face showing the pain… until finally, with a burst of frustrated energy, Jonothan grabs Anna by the ears and spins her around, changing positions. Now
it’s Cage’s turn!


thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud Kick to the thigh. Anna fighting intelligently to get the advantage. Her chest is already glowing a bright red as Cage’s chops broke open blood vessels. Jonothan’s chest, also shows red welts forming, but Anna takes Jonothan over
with a vicious snap suplex, then floats over into a mount. She starts pounding away on Jonothan, who tries to cover up. Anna with no signs of stopping.

So Jimmy Johnson gets in Anna’s face urging her off of Jonothan.

Linzi Martin: Oh come on, the official can’t get involved like that!

Larry Gordon: The official can do what he deems necessary to enforce the rules, and Anna wasn’t breaking away from Jonothan. I, for one, intend to start making Rebel Pro more civilized.

Linzi Martin: You can’t, you aren’t majority owner anymore.

Larry Gordon: Shut up, who asked you?

Anna looks furious, but Jimmy Johnson isn’t about to be cowed by her. Anna grabs Jonothan… Jonothan with a shot to the breadbasket! Point of the elbow to the
back of the head! Jonothan takes Anna down with a Fireman’s carry, then begins driving his knees into Anna’s back. No doubt setting her up later fora submission hold. A few more of those and Jonothan’s anger gets the better of him, and he just begins to choke out Anna. Jimmy Johnson comes in with a concerned and bit motherly look for Anna’s safety. Once again, Jimmy Johnson refuses to allow the wrestler’s to just do as they please, physically getting involved by getting in Jonothan’s face. Jonothan’s eyes are wide, nostrils
flaring as Jimmy Johnson simply shakes his head. Don’t even try it. Jonothan grabs Anna, vertical suplex with authority. Leg drop connects, makes a cover.



Linzi Martin: Close call there.

Larry Gordon: Slow count.

Anna kicks out. Jonothan pulls Anna up, hooking a Sambo Suplex — elbows from the Puppet Master, she ducks behind Jonothan, German suplex. Jonothan has it well-scouted, refusing to allow Anna to fully lock on the German suplex. He spins out, snapmaring Anna down to the canvas. Off the ropes, flipping neck snap! Perfectly executed! Then FUJIWARA ARMBAR! Anna quickly gets to the ropes and trying to get leverage to break the hold. Anna manages to get up a bit of leverage, a bit more, doing her best to… she’s got the hold broken!

Linzi Martin: Ther e is no quit in Anna Mathews!

Larry Gordon: Shut up Linzi, just shut up!

Linzi Martin: I don’t have to and you don’t have the power to make me.

Jonothan grunts and gets up, pulling Anna up — Anna headbutts Jonothan in the gut! Another headbutt! And that’s enough of an opening for Anna to hit a Northern Lights Suplex!




Jonothan gets out, Anna’s turn to snapmare Jonothan over. Off the ropes, Anna hits a diving forearm to the seated Jonothan. He goes down on his back. With
Jonothan down, Anna hooks the legs in a stepover… hooking in a figure four submission hold applied, but Jonothan is able to make it to the ropes this time and begins to work for his own leverage..

Linzi Martin: Anna trying to weaken the legs of Jonothan here.

Larry Gordon: Smart move, but it can fail.

Jonothan digs himself to the outside, causing tremendous pressure for Anna’s legs, which causes her to release the hold, he falls to the outside floor.

Linzi Martin: As we expected, neither wrestler able to gain any clear advantage. So far it has been move for move, hold for hold, each with a period of dominance
but unable to sustain it.

Larry Gordon: Two masters at work, Linzi. You should just sit there and enjoy it. You know, without talking.

Linzi Martin: For now, neither is getting a sustained advantage and no weapons are involved, but how long will that last?

Anna stands there, Cage pulls her outside, she falls there with a thump, but nails Cage with a vicious elbow strike before rolling him back inside as he’s a bit loopy from the temple shot. Anna pulls Jonothan up and puts him against the ropes. A chop, then an irish whip. Jonothan reverses! Anna goes flying right into the referee! Was that an
“accident?” Maybe. Maybe not. But you know what?

Jimmy Johnson was able to duck out of the way.

Linzi Martin: Jimmy able to avoid a nasty collision.

Anna, however, is momentarily distracted, and that allows Jonothan to pick her up for a back suplex, driving her down hard on her back and neck. Jonothan pulls
Anna up, talking a little trash, then slapping Anna in the back of the head. Jonothan pulls Anna’s arm across her throat, what’s this? SUPLEX! Unique
belly-to-back suplex there, Anna landing right on her head. Jonothan then stands in a ready stance, slightly crouched, right fist cocked. Anna slowly
gets up, staggered, and Jonothan waits, waits, waits…


NO! Anna falls down and rolls to the outside, avoiding a potential match-ending blow right there. Anna out. Jonothan decides he can’t wait anymore and slides out the other side. Jonothan circles around, coming right for Anna…
drop toe-hold from Anna! Jonothan hits the floor hard, coming up holding his nose. Anna with a stiff kick to the ribs of Jonothan, and then she grabs the

Oh hell.

Anna holds both arms behind Jonothan, plants her foot on the back of his head, and


On the floor.

Anna falls to one knee, gasping for a bit of breath as Jonothan moans on the floor.
Jonothan trying to get up…

Linzi Martin: You go honey, what a stomp there.

Larry Gordon: It was kind of vicious, even for a woman.

Anna trying to get up.

He’s clutching at the apron…

Linzi Martin: Both trying to get up, its been a fast paced match here for the Aggression Title.
She’s clutching at the railing.
Larry Gordon: About time it was defended to, Simon has let this company go to shit.

Jonothan makes it back to his feet!

Anna is up to her feet!

Cage with a roundhouse kick to her knee, sending her down, a vicious shin to the face rolls her over the railing and into the first row. Cage seems to be seeing red as he punishes Anna with kick after kick, forearm after forearm. Anna scrambles, trying to get back to a vertical base. Anna rolls away from one kick, swinging her legs around sending Cage down onto his back. Cage rolls over, Anna is up as well. Anna with a leaping front kick to his face sends him staggering back and over the railing to the ringside area.

Linzi Martin: What a shot!

Larry Gordon: She probably got lucky, she’s had plenty of rest.
Anna hops the railing as Jonothan begins to get back up.But to reward Jonothan for his tenacity, Anna kicks him in the face. Jonothan pulled up slowly, Anna gets behind and delivers a
headbutt to the back of Jonothan’s head, then a GERMAN SUPLEX. Release! Jonothan is in a bad way here, and Anna senses defeat. She climbs to the top rope…

Diving Flipping Headbutt!
Nobody home!

Linzi Martin: That has got to hurt.

Larry Gordon: She headbutted concrete! I heard a ringing sound, her head must be empty.

The crowd is into this match. Some are pulling for Anna, some Jonothan, most are just wrapped up in the contest
and hoping their favorite kicks the other’s ass at some point. However, right now, both wrestlers are down and Jimmy Johnson looks on, his job is to make sure that neither’s health comes in to question. He’s checking on Anna on the outside of the ring.

Both wrestlers grabbing the nearest solid object to help them up…

They’re both up!

Linzi Martin: Anna is pouring blood from a wound on her forehead!

Larry Gordon: And these fans are extatic! I saw one dip a napkin in her blood, probably going to sell it on Ebay.

Linzi Martin: That was you Larry, I saw you do it.

Cage spins Mathews around, chop to the chest, a second, a third, and a fourth backs her up against the railing. Cage lifts her up, brainbuster onto the concrete floor.

Larry Gordon: There goes that ringing sound again.

Linzi Martin: Shut up Larry, no one likes you.

Cage seems to be in firm control as he sets up a table on the outside of the ring.

Linzi Martin: Here comes the weapons.

Cage sets up all kinds of goodies on the table, chairs, bottles from fans, and finishes it off with a bag of tacks opened up on the table. But he’s not finished yet, he pulls a ladder out from under the ring and sets it up as well; then douses the table in lighter fluid then sparks a match setting it ablaze!


Larry Gordon: Roast that turky myboy!

Cage pulls Anna up the ladder, setting her up for a fireman’s carry slam onto the burning debris and landing on top of her to drive the point in deep.

Larry Gordon: There they go!

Linzi Martin: Anna moves!

Both go crashing through the blazing table, laying there and fans can hear flesh sizzling and smell the scent of burnt hair as they lay there unable to move. Jimmy Johnson dives outside, hurriedly putting the fire out with a small extinguisher, but the smell still lingers after the fire is put out and he is at a loss as what to do; because this is the main event. He looks at both wrestlers, neither moving and goes to call for the bell, but there is a twitch from both of them similtaneously.

Linzi Martin: These are two tough individuals!

Larry Gordon: You ain’t shittin’ me!

After about three minutes, the fans are very willing to wait, they are both on their knees and then even slower up to their feet. Anna stumbles towards the ring, shoving herself in, Cage follows because both are being encouraged by Jimmy Johnson to finish it up in the ring or he’ll call the match.

Linzi Martin: Can he do that?

Larry Gordon: Of course he can.

Linzi Martin: I wasn’t asking you, it was a retorical question… asshole.

Anna gets the first shot, Jonothan still quite dazed from the fall. She whips Jonothan to the ropes, hits the opposite ropes, looking for a lariat!
Jonothan ducks!

Anna turns around

Larry Gordon: A perfectly placed uppercut!

Anna goes down in a heap, Jonothan collapsing himself. Jonothan pulls himself over Anna!




No no no no

Anna barely gets the shoulder up. Jonothan shakes some more cobwebs loose, and then looks out to the crowd. He makes a “snapping” motion with his hands and
yells “Time to make her humble!” Jonothan stands over top of a rising Anna, throwing some crossface shots into Anna’s face before locking on a camel clutch. He has Anna in the center of the ring, the hold cinched in! The part of the crowd behind Jonothan is chanting “TAP TAP TAP!”

Anna yells in pain.

Linzi Martin: Anna has a high tolerance for pain.

Larry Gordon: But how long can she hold out?

Jimmy Johnson asks her “DO YOU GIVE? Anna DO YOU GIVE?”

Jonothan, eyes wide, yells a guttural yell, no words, just base emotion.

Anna tries to struggle, tries to crawl as best she can with her arms trapped, trying to inch sideways, to get a foot on the rope… she’s so close… but
not there! Inches away! Anna’s face is showing tremendous pain! She almost looks like she’s going to scream “YES I QUIT”… but with one final effort,
manages to flip herself over, breaking the submission hold!

Linzi Martin: What tenacity!

Linzi Martin: Jonothan needs to watch his temper! This is one referee you don’t want to mess with, he has no problems calling for a disqualification.

Larry Gordon: And Anna is one opponent you don’t want to give any advantage to!

Jonothan quickly disciplines himself and grabs Anna. He hooks an inverted facelock and climbs up to the 2nd turnbuckle, sitting on top. Jonothan looks out…
then flips forward to jar Anna’s jaw on his shoulder. Jonothan covers Anna!




Not yet Not Yet Not Yet

Foot under the ropes, Johnson just saw it!

Cage is furious, yelling and shoving Johnson that this is Rebel Pro! Johnson, getting pissed, explains that no submission nor pinfall will take place in the ropes!

Linzi Martin: You want to talk about ring awareness, how did Anna have any idea where she was?

Larry Gordon: She didn’t she was just lucky is all; she’s out.

Jonothan whips Anna into the turnbuckle and charges in with a big lariat. Anna sags, and Jonothan whips his opponent out to the other side. Another
charge… Anna slings through the ropes and Jonothan’s momentum takes him between the turnbuckles, shoulder into the steel post! Anna on the outside
grabs his arms, plants her foot on the ring apron, and then PULLS for all she is worth, trying to pull Jonothan’s arms out of their sockets! Jimmy Johnson tells
Anna to get off her man in the ropes, because a submission can’t take place like that. Anna just lets go. She doesn’t care about the referee, but she does want to win this match and retain her title! Jonothan sags back into the ring, holding his left shoulder in pain. Anna gets in… and goes for a FUJIWARA ARMBAR!

Linzi Martin: That’s a smart move.

Larry Gordon: She is going to dislocate his arm!

Jonothan yells in pain as Anna looks to tap the man out with her submission move! Jonothan can see the ropes, but they are feet away. He bites his fist, groaning in
pain, Anna’s part of the crowd chanting “TAP TAP TAP!” Jimmy Johnson checks in, Jonothan yelling “no no no no!” Can he hold out much longer? He tries to shift his body, Anna moving as he goes, not letting loose on the hold. Jonothan stretches his leg out… out…

He raises his free hand!



Jonothan makes a fist and makes a final lunge, getting his foot on the bottom rope. Jimmy Johnson tells Anna that she can’t win by submission at this point in the match, pointing to Cage’s hand.Anna simply stares at him.

Anna is OFF OF Cage!

Anna is furious now, ripping a verbal strip out of Johnson. Jimmy gives it right back, telling Anna that a submission can’t take place when the damn man is in
the ropes! Anna forces herself to ignore Jimmy Johnson and turns back to Jonothan, who is holding his arm in pain. Anna pulls the man up… Tazmission!

Larry Gordon: Jonothan is near the ropes.

Jonothan pushes off, landing on top of Anna, whose shoulders are down!



Anna kicks out! Jonothan slowly gets up, but Anna grabs him. OH NO!

Linzi Martin: Mandala Hineri!

Anna covers!




Larry Gordon: Foot on the ropes! Foot on the ropes! By God Almighty Jonothan got his foot on the ropes!

Linzi Martin: Back and forth, back and forth, the momentum swinging back and forth in this contest! And Anna is NOT happy about that count!

No, she’s not. Anna is snarling at Jimmy Johnson about it being a slow count, that it was OVER. she goes to shove Jimmy Johnson. Johnson doesn’t lift a hand towards
Anna, he’s bent on this being called fair and square. Anna spits at him. Still no reaction. Fine, Anna scoffs. She picks up Jonothan, and hooks him
for ANOTHER Mandala Hineri! No, Jonothan gets out, behind Anna, GRABS THE LEGS! WHEELBARROW SUPLEX — No! Annna manages to land on her feet, HEADBUTT to
Jonothan. Pick-up, perching Jonothan on the top rope? Anna climbs up. She’s going for a top rope spinning head scissors!

Larry Gordon: Top Rope super spinning head scissors!

Jonothan fighting the top rope move! Anna hits him with another headbutt, and tries to hook it, Jonothan holds onto the top rope to block. Jonothan throws an elbow into Anna, another, another, Anna almost falling back but grabbing the top ropes herself… Jonothan hooks Anna and lifts her up, dropping her flat to the canvas! Anna rolls over, moaning in pain, and Jonothan leaps off the top rope!

Anna rolls over and springs back up, nailing her Boomerfly Kick!(A butterfly kick aimed at the top rope. The “attacking” foot bounces off the rope, causing more momentum as the feet switch positions launching into the actual kick.)

Linzi Martin: Boomerfly Kick!





Ding Ding Ding Ding

Jenny Jersey: Winner of the match and STIIIIIIIILL Rebel Pro Aggression Champion… Anna Mathews!

Anna receives both her belts before slumping in the corner and the belts landing in her lap.

Burn It All

The backstage camera man is being sneaky tonight. Either that or he’s afraid of what will happen if he gets caught. Regardless, he’s just walked up a hallway and slowly cracked open a door. Inside the room is the REBEL Pro World champion, the Phoenix. His back is mostly to the camera, but we can see enough of his mask to know it’s him. That and from the voice that we all recognize from PWA Radio. He’s talking on the phone to someone. Sadly, he isn’t aware he’s being recorded so he hasn’t done us the courtesy of putting the call on speaker phone.

The Phoenix: I’ve made the decision, the plan is going to start moving forward. I think we’ve given them plenty of time to change and they haven’t done it. So we’ll have to destroy the AOWF with fire and rebuild it in our image.

The Phoenix: No, I did say our image, didn’t I? Never think for one minute that I undervalue you. What we’re going to do, how we’re going to change the world, I couldn’t do any of it without you.

The Phoenix: Come on, you know me better than that. I’m the goddamn Phoenix, I don’t need to kiss anybody’s ass, not even yours. But you and me, we’re going to make history. Well, you, me and the other guy.

The Phoenix: Oh, I haven’t offered him anything. Yet. Think of him as our proof of concept. First we destroy him, then we rebuild him.

The Phoenix: He’s close to his breaking point, that’s pretty obvious. I’ve got one more trick up my sleeve that ought to finish him off.

The Phoenix: Clever man. Yes, that’s exactly what I’ve got planned. Once that’s done, he’ll be in. And then the three of us will tear through REBEL Pro and the PWA and there’s not a damn person that can stop us.

The camera man beats a hasty retreat, wisely realizing that overhearing stuff like that is how you get beaten with a barbed wire baseball bat.

Fuck Rob Robinson

Fading backstage, we see Simon Kalis smoking a Newport and watching the events of the evening go on through the prism of his large flat screen in Salvatore D’Aquila’s old office. He turns around to look toward his old friend and neighborhood coward, Jeremy Gold.

Jeremy Gold: You know, you’ve still got time to do it. Make this match with Macca for the REBEL Pro World title. See The Phoenix burn, Simon!!!

Gold nods, huge smile showing the satisfaction he has with his idea. Simon flicks some ash away and shakes his head.

Simon Kalis: Whatever The Phoenix plans, he’ll begin it here in REBEL Pro most certainly. It was good getting that camera into his locker room, but even knowing he’s got some scheme going on I can’t throw him under the bus yet.

Jeremy Gold: Well think about it! If Macca wins, we’d see Sean Robinson versus Macca next month! The ratings!!!!

Kalis nods, but then shakes his head.

Simon Kalis: I want Rob Robinson to be feel a sting greater than Macca can give him. I think Robinson versus Robinson will play out well, and I don’t doubt Sean Robinson’s ability to dethrone this feathery faggot we have as our REBEL Champion. Macca can, and probably will, straight whoop The Phoenix’s ass. But Jeremy, that won’t hurt Phoenix as much as being totally out classed in the ring by someone he probably feels is unworthy to be in the ring with him.

Jeremy Gold: But Macca might lose. And so might Sean.

Simon puts his cigarette out and smiles.

Simon Kalis: Maybe. I doubt it, but anything’s possible. Someday soon though Jer, Mr. Robinson will be on his knees watching everything he’s accomplished wither from his hands. And I plan to be there to see him put out of his misery.

Simon spins his chair around, the only thing missing is a black cat for him to be petting as we fade out to…

Natures Mythical Loser

My first super card. Against the companies top billed champion. The championship however is not on the line. Does anyone else see the problem here?

Macca is currently walking down the back corridors of his old stomping grounds, the UX arena, as a camera shuffles backwards while focusing on the cunster. Let’s hope he doesn’t fall over How fucking funny would it be if he fell over while Macca was getting all serious and shit. lawl.

Is this supposed to be some sort of Simon Kalis or Larry Gordon my dick is bigger than yours bullshit about REBEL being the better company than UX? Try and job out one of the greatest UX stars to your current champion? Fuck this shit off for a joke! By their logic it is appropriate that I get to face the champion in a non title shot instead of getting a number one contenders spot over a. Bubba J, The guy I fucking defeated in my debut or b. over Sean Robinson who seems to get a shot just by pulling a Booker T and saying he is coming for Rob Robinson nigga and then beating a jobber! Well guess what Robbo, this isn’t wrestling this is just fucking bullshit!


I don’t blame Robbo or Bubba though. It’s not their fault that incompetence has put them in the number one contenders match over me, no that fault lies completely with REBEL management. But in a way I guess I should thank REBEL management. Why would I do that you ask? It’s because in times like this, situations where I get fucked over and pissed off that I really begin to fucking shine. Salvatore D’Aquila can tell you that himself. I plan to turn this negative into a positive.

The camera comes to a violent halt for a moment as Macca walks past. The camera quickly turn for a moment to – HA! He walked into a fucking pillar. Dopey prick!

Unfortunately for our esteemed champion however it means that I will have to use him as a means to get my message across. Out of all the mythical creatures that man has made, Rob Robinson had to pick the only one that is a natural loser as his gimmick. Do you know why a Phoenix needs to be reborn out of ashes Rob? It’s because somebody always gets the better of it. Somebody is always able to best the legendary fire bird and give it a reason to need to be reborn. I don’t need to be reborn Rob because I simply don’t lose.

Macca finally comes to a halt outside of a door that has a name plate on it that looks to read Salvatore D’Aquila that has crudely been drawn over in permanent marker to say Macca. He opens the door before turning to face the camera again.

Luckily for you Phoenix I happen to be a nice one and shall help you live up to your name. At the end of our match I plan to have sent a message to management by beating you so bad that you will be nothing more than a pile of ashes left in the middle of that ring. To your horror, however, when your rebirth flame is done burning and you are standing in that ring once more you will again see me, this time however I will be the number one contender and will actually be able to go after your gold. Then once more after that match you shall become ashes once again. Cheers that, cunts!

And with that Macca enters the room and closes the door behind him.

Non-Title Match

Macca versus The Phoenix

- On one end, you’ve got the Phoenix; current REBEL World Heavyweight Champion and AoWF World Heavyweight Champion, who happens to loathe being owner of one of those straps, but could use a win over Macca, an Undisputed Champion in his own right, to further an image of Champion. However, opposite of the masked double cunt(or champ, whichever ‘C’ word you find truer), as said before, Macca has won everything relevant in UX – but as of right now, his only claim to REBEL fame is defeating Bubba J two weeks ago, at Bubba’s own game. A win over Bubba J is a noteworthy feat, because he’s a very important figure in AoWF altogether. Though, Macca defeating the Phoenix, who isn’t only holder of the two most significant titles in the world, but a masterful wrestler, speaks more impressive. In a way, this match could boost Macca’s career notably, while a loss could potentially ruin Phoenix’s reign of awesome. Alternatively, Phoenix winning would simply reassure his mighty stature, while Macca could sort of drop off the ‘Main Event’ radar.

- We start off seeing Phoenix accept (more so standing there indifferently) the heavy rain of vulgarity from tonight’s crowd, in his corner. Across from the Champion, unsurprisingly, a cheeky-slash-insufferable (depending on your love for the little guy) grin is glued onto Macca’s mug. When Phoenix attempts to tie-up, Macca sidesteps and flips-off his masked adversary, to cheap approval from the crowd. This time, it is Macca who goes for the tie-up, but Phoenix blasts Macca in the chin with a forearm! Two steps back is what Macca takes, and whilst Phoenix quickly follows up through a chain of bullet-like jabs to the abdomen, Macca responds with one vicious headbutt that reels Phoenix backward into the ropes!

- Through a whip, Macca sends Phoenix to the other side and as if choreographed, Phoenix handstands, his feet fall against the rope, which provides him enough momentum to spring off the canvas and fall backward into a running Macca for an elbow to the face– though the Cuntster sidesteps, Phoenix rolls onto his feet, in time to see an incoming superman punch, which he impossibly dodges by bending backward, all Neo-like! During Phoenix’s matrix injection, Macca mule kicks Phoenix in the back soon as he regains proper form, pushing the Champion onto his knees. When Macca stands, which he’s fast to do, Phoenix is also up but not in enough time to react anyhow other than collapse due to Macca’s ‘Cunt Struck’ (super kick) to the backside of Phoenix’s head!!

- Not bothering for a pin because Phoenix tries no-selling the kick by moving onto his knees (although clearly fazed), Macca pursues by football-kicking Phoenix in the gut, twice! Predictably, the crowd basks in Phoenix’s punishment, chanting ‘X’er Cunt’ as they’ve been prone to do. Seated in the corner, courtesy of a knee to the face by Macca, Phoenix dazedly welcomes a running knee lift once more to the face! On a roll, Macca rallies fans by gesturing with his hands the common “COME ON” signal, and then, backing himself into the opposite corner, Macca runs out to missile dropkick Phoenix, but it’s this opportunity Phoenix seizes to slip beneath the bottom rope, forcing Macca to smash his testicles against the ring post, to many fans’ shock and awe!!

- The Champ repeatedly punches Macca in the face, while on the outside, and Macca is still caught in his horrible position. Grabbing both of Macca’s legs, Phoenix pulls him against the ring post thrice, which understandably brings sharp yelps of pain from Macca!! Ascending the apron and then turnbuckles, Phoenix jumps off to land a double stomp onto Macca’s chest, slamming the Cunt hard into the canvas! As Linzi Martin said, “It’s safe to assume offense has not only been balanced but very likely in Phoenix’s favor now” Yet, none of that offense is well enough to put Macca away longer than a single count!

- Few stomps onto the back and right leg of Macca by Phoenix, eases the appliance of a Texas Cloverleaf, which worsens and amplifies Macca’s pain considerably! Without doubt, Macca knew better than to try and reverse the hold, so crawled toward the ropes, but twice, Phoenix brought the hold into the centre of the ring!! “TWICE, LINZI! HOW THE HELL IS MACCA STILL HOLDING ON?!” Gordon loudly wonders into his headset, astonished by Macca’s willpower. In his eyes, you can see water edge the lids, due to the high amount of pain and struggle Macca is enduring, but even Phoenix is irritated by Macca’s determination; shouting, “FUCKING TAP ALREADY!” Inch by inch, Macca retries his reach for the ropes, and when he can feel it at the tip of his fingers, Phoenix tries to drag them forward to ring-centre once more, but this time, Macca’s tight grip on the rope prevents that and brings everyone to giddiness!!

- Releasing his very effective hold on Macca at the count of four, Phoenix runs to opposite ropes and rebounds for a dropkick that sends Macca beneath the bottom rope and onto the apron. Now atop a nearby turnbuckle, when Macca stands on the apron, Phoenix leaps forward to figuratively decapitate Macca via clothesline!! Phoenix’s impact sent Macca back-flipping onto his face, but on the apron, still. Coincidentally, Macca rolled inside the ring and into a spot where Phoenix could ascend the turnbuckle to execute a diving elbow drop (also known as ‘The Ashes’)! When Phoenix reacts accordingly, Macca textbook avoids the elbow by merely rolling out of the way! Yet when Phoenix stands, Busaiku Knee Kick to the face busts Phoenix wide open!!! Bleeding from the mouth, Phoenix lies unconscious as Macca hurriedly falls atop and hooks the leg! Referee Tommy Idol creates three consecutive counts, and then declares Macca winner by pinfall!!



The entire arena erupts in cheers for Macca, who has difficulty in standing but is evidently delighted of his victory.

Linzi Martin: “We gotta get a replay of that Busaiku Knee Kick!!”

Larry Gordon: “Yeah, that’s definitely going viral tonight.”

Somehow managing to get outside, Macca leans against a barricade so fans around can pat him on the back and give him some beer bottles, which Macca clinks together and drinks, waterfall style! “Collingwood Football Club” never sounded so appropriate.

[Match: 13 minutes, 42 seconds]


The KKK defeat the team of Simon & Maya Kalis to become new REBEL Pro Tag Team Champions
Allen Chaney wins the REBEL Pro Invitational, earning himself a contract!
Justin Case defeats the undefeated Jake Norton, earning a shot @ The Aggression Title!
Wrestling’s Undisputed defeats The Uproars and retain their “Disputed” Tag Team titles!
Sean Robinson defeats Bubba J, earning a shot @ The World title!
Anna Mathews defeats Jonathan Cage to retain the Aggression Championship!
Macca defeats The AoWF and REBEL Pro World Champion Phoenix in a stunning upset!

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