*****Safety First*****

The camera fades in on a conversation already happening, between Vincent Black and Larry Gordon. Gordon has a manila folder in his hand. Vincent’s face is still swollen and bruised, although slightly less than last week.

LARRY: “Vince, I’m sorry. Our fight doctor has told me you aren’t cleared. She won’t clear you for at least two months, and not until the injury is healed.”

Black yells.

VINCENT: “I’m a fucking REBEL champion, Larry! Are you gonna screw Bubba out of his partner? I know you’ve been sick and all, but I know you know good business sense when you see it. Hardcore Entertainment is excellent fucking business, Larry. Don’t make us drop these belts because fucking Rocky whoever-the-fuck he is tried to make a point.”

Larry Gordon looks down, and sighs.

Larry: “Sorry, Vincent. Your safety is important to me. I don’t need ya getting further injured in my ring, or worse, dyin’!”

Black sighs heavily. After a moment of quiet, Vincent speaks.

VINCENT: “Fine, if you won’t let me fight, I’m gonna go tell the fans.”

Black turns and walks away from the majority owner of REBEL.

*****The Black & Yellow Edition*****

We fade backstage to find Simon Kalis on the phone.

Simon Kalis: Yes, yes. We’re very happy to start this official partnership with Fecal Beagle and your… Lovely, beer.

He pauses and nods, smiling.

Simon Kalis: Yes well, I figure Robinson and the PWA can all fuck themselves. Grizzly Beer has nothing on Fecal Beagle.

Simon chuckles as he pauses to hear the other guy on the phone.

Simon Kalis: Yes, Loren will be doing it. No problem. Thanks for the money, guys.

There’s a pause, and then Kalis hangs up the phone satisfied.

*****Carbomb*****

Before Jenny Jersey can announce the first match, “Carbomb” by The Acacia STrain hits the speakers, and the crowd cialis on alcohol goes nuts. Out from the back comes Vincent Black, wearing a casual dress shirt and khaki pants. Hops on the apron, steps over the top rope, and Jenny gives him the microphone.

LINZI MARTIN: “The big man with a microphone, apparently he has something to say, Mr. Gordon.”

LARRY GORDON: “Please, you can call me Larry, sweetheart.”

VINCENT: “I don’t remember the last time I was in Pittsburgh-”

The crowd pops loud.

VINCENT: “But I don’t think it’s been as wild as it is tonight!”

Another big pop, larger than the last.

LARRY GORDON: “Buttering ‘em up before the big let down.”

LINZI MARTIN: “Huh?”

VINCENT BLACK: “But, I have some news. REBEL doctors have told me that, after Rocky Logan put a hurting on my protected orbital bone. Now, it didn’t do much damage, but the doc noticed it did damage at all, so I’ve been told…”

Black sighs.

VINCENT BLACK: “I’ve been told that I’m not cleared to wrestle until the injury is healed.”

LINZI MARTIN: “What?! Mr. Gordon?”

The crowd boos hard, and Vincent nods his head with them.

VINCENT BLACK: “I know, it rocked me, too. But I’m going to fucking fight it.”

The crowd explodes.

VINCENT BLACK: “I’m one half of the REBEL World Tag Team Champions! I’m the biggest man in REBEL. I’m a fucking REBEL legend, and Icon, and I don’t leave the ring until I fucking feel like it. And since there are legal strings I need to pull, you bet your fucking ass I will!”

“Carbomb” hits and Vincent throws his microphone down, and the crowd goes nuts. He hops over the top rope, out of the ring, and to the back.

*****Dodo-A-Gogo versus Golden Inferno*****

Before the bell can sound on our super exciting tag match, Emilee Corlen gets herself a mic and slides into the ring.

Linzi Martin: Fuck this shit.

Emilee marches right up to Lisa and waggles a finger in her face.

Emlee Korlin: Listen here you stupid ugly bitch.

The crowd gasp cialis 40 at the inevitable horror that is to come while Jeremy Gold lowers himself deep into a corner and does his best not to exist. Why he keeps signing up for these matches is beyond me. Never the less he did and now Emlee is doing her best to get them both killed.

Emlee Korlin: I’m not fat you skin sack! I’m luscious! I’m the number one playgirl bunny in the whole universe, I’ve got minus 11% bodyfat and all my friends say I’m the hottest man whoever lived. And anyone who says otherwise is just jealous! Jealous!

Emlee does some rage stomps and the earth starts to crack.

Emlee Korlin: You all just can’t stand that I’m a two time world champion without ever having to win either of them and with a grand total of no defences! On one of them I’m even the shortest reigning champ in history! In BWF! A place where everyone sucked a fuck even when we had shitty food themed guys falling out our asses! I’m right up there with Toco and the Canadian Hero and Hyptreme and all these other faceless faggots no wrestling fan even remembers and all you sad bastards are just jealous of my hotness and success and hotness and success! I’m the best wrestler in the how long is a viagra good for entire AoWF, even though I got driven out of every other company except for the one where wrestle-family had their name above the door! And even though I promptly got my ass kicked and then beaten by the flakiest fuck in the entire community, I’m still their top star by default!

Lisa leans back out of her cheeseburger breath and Anna Mathews experiences what it’s like to not be the strangest person in a room. She does however seem to be chomping at the bit to get things on.

Emlee Korlin: I’ve lost the world title twice but I keep getting free rematches because there’s no canadian pharmacy website one else to give them too and you people are all just jealous that you didn’t get there before me and get to call yourselves world champion with wins over the Big O and Big nObody else of consequence and I’m tired of that attitude and therefore I quit unless someone in here wants to give me a free belt right this fucking second because I’m too fat and lazy to go win and hold one on my own!

Emlee then flexes her bingo wings for good measure before having half her face ripped off in a Roundhouse Kick. Apparently we’re wrestling now.

Larry Gordon: And there’s the bell!

Linzi Martin: Tell the time keeper not to bother getting comfortable.

Emlee goes down in a heap and it takes both Dodos and a ton of mental determination to get her back up. Never the less they do and suddenly Emlee finds herself being pin-balled back and forth between the two on the end of some vicious kicks. Anna then finishes her spiel by sending Emlee forward to Lisa who lands a Standing Pump kick into her chest and rides it to the mat. Emlee then coughs up some blood and everyone watching realises this probably wasn’t as funny an idea as it originally seemed. Never the less the action continues when Lisa gets to the top-rope and Anna steps out to the apron. Lisa then coems off the top with a Double Knee, splattering what’s left of Emlee’s face around the room.

Linzi Martin: The Horror Pop! And I think that’s a painfully fitting description of what just happened there.

The referee goes to move in on the count but Lisa rolls off as Anna bounces up the ropes and sends herself flying forward with a 630 Senton, crushing the unfortunate beast on impact.

Linzi Martin: And now the Slash and Burn!

Larry Gordon: Is this what you people have done with the place I worked so hard to build that it almost killed me?

Linzi Martin: Well… sometimes they fight kangaroos.

The referee tries to cover again but apparently we’re not done as Lisa picks her up again and locks Emlee’s arm around the back of her head. From there she thumps her hard with a Heart Kick that would have buckled Emlee’s legs if she hadn’t found herself spun out to a standing position. Lisa then leaps up from behind with a Spinning Heelkick that rips through the back of her head while Anna twists in from the front and finishes her off with the Butterfly Kick. Sandwiched between both shots, Emlee’s brain explodes.

Larry Gordon: Least this didn’t drag on.

Emlee falls straight down and to her back. Anna meanwhile steps over and puts her foot into Lisa’s hands, which she in turn uses to toss her into the air and through a standing Phoenix Splash. It hits hard and Anna mercifully stays on for the cover.

1

2

3

Larry Gordon: Thank Christ!

“Love Is All Around” by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts jumps up on the speakers, which is good news for Jeremy Gold as it means they only have about a minute to get out of the ring. Never the less Lisa picks him up by the hair and sends the tears flying when she drops him with a Pimp Slap and then makes some disparaging remarks about how she came all the way to Cuntfuck, whatever State we’re in for this. Meanwhile Jeremy Gold goes down whimpering, which is really par for the course. Dodo-A-Gogo then celebrate a not so hard fought win. Good for them.

Linzi Martin: I think she’s dead.

*****Mystery Tournament: The First*****
*****J.T. Whiplash versus Justin Case*****

JENNY JERSEY: The next match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, weighing in at 265 pounds… “THE MILLENNIUM GAME” JUSTIN CASE!

“Victory” by Puff Daddy hits the speakers and boos greet Justin Case, Hugh Aredone and Rocky Logan as they emerge from the curtain. Case looks Just 2 Talented like always as he struts to the ring, ignoring the booing fans and smiling confidently. He slides into the ring as Aredone and Logan take their spot at ringside, jarring with a few fans.

JENNY JERSEY: His opponent, from Paint Rock, Tennessee, weighing in at 243 pounds… “THE CONFEDERATE COPPERHEAD” J.T. WHIPLASH!

Waiving a REBEL Pro flag, Whiplash walks down the aisle, slapping hands and pointing out to his fans as they roar and chant his name. Logan stands in his way but Whiplash walks right through him to the roar of the fans! He plants the flag in the turnbuckle and enters the ring. He runs back and forth across the ring then runs into the corner and calls for the bell.

DING DING!

Whiplash dances around the ring as Case stalks him. Whiplash seems full of energy tonight!

LARRY GORDON: Not bad for a fifty-one year old man!

LINZI MARTIN: If I’m ever a fifty year old man, I hope I look that good!

Whiplash runs in for the lock-up but Case gets him with a knee to the gut! Whiplash bends over, but Case pushes him back up with a chest chop. Whiplash stumbles back into the rope… but runs as Case with a clothesline. Ducked! Whiplash off of the ropes. Big back body drop sends Whiplash up and back down to the

mat. Whiplash stands immediately and backs into the corner. Case runs in for a splash! Whiplash dodges out of the way! Whiplash off of the ropes. Clothesline takes Case down! But he immediately stands back up. Whiplash whips him from corner to corner, reversed by Case… into a huge belly-to-belly suplex!

Whiplash immediately goes to the outside and falls to his knees. Logan walks over to him and kicks him in his side. Aredone does the same—but Whiplash grabs Aredone’s foot from underneath him and he falls to the ground! Logan pulls Whiplash to his feet. But Whiplash hits him with wild lefts and rights! REBEL ROPE-A-DOPE! Logan stumbles back. And Case uses the opportunity to launch himself through the ropes at Whiplash, tackling him into the guard rail!

LARRY GORDON: Say what you will about Justin Case, but I don’t know any other 265 pounder that consistently does things like that night in and night out!

LINZI MARTIN: I can’t argue with you, Larry. He’s a one-of-a-kind talent.

With the help of Logan, Case gets to his feet. He picks Whiplash up. Fisherman’s suplex… ON THE CEMENT! Whiplash cries out, holding his back. Case picks him up slowly, cockily looking out at the crowd. He hooks him for a back suplex. Elbows from Whiplash! Elbows! HE TURNS IT INTO A RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP OUT OF NOWHERE! And before Case realizes it, Whiplash has him back to his feet with a BRAINBUSTER ON THE CEMENT!

LARRY GORDON: What heart J.T. Whiplash has!

Whiplash gets to his feet, pointing out at the fans who rally behind him. Whiplash reaches under the ring. HE HAS BARBED WIRE! He shows it to the fans who roar their approval. Aredone runs at him but Whiplash socks him with the barbed wire fist! Same for Logan! He begins wrapping his kneepad in the barbed wire! They start chanting!

COPPERHEAD BITE! COPPERHEAD BITE! COPPERHEAD BITE! COPPERHEAD BITE!

Case starts to stand… Whiplash runs at him with a knee lift that sends him back down and pierces his chest! He picks Case back up… COPPERHEAD BITE! COPPERHEAD BITE! The fans go crazy! Here comes Logan with a steel chair across the back! Whiplash turns around… steel chair to the skull! Case wipes the blood from his forehead and eyes. He picks Whiplash up. He looks PISSED that Whiplash just broke his talented skin. Back suplex! Rolls through… a SECOND! Rolls through… a THIRD! THIS TIME WHIPLASH LANDS ON HIS HEAD! ON THE CEMENT!

LARRY GORDON: My God, I know J.T. Whiplash, I know him damn well, and I gotta say it’s hurting my head to see what just happened to him! His head—first the steel chair, and then… my god I think Case BROKE THE DAMN MAN!

LINZI MARTIN: He isn’t moving, that’s for sure.

Justin Case looks out at the booing fans and smiles, knowing he just did a highlight reel move to one of REBEL’s legends.

LARRY GORDON: Justin Case might just win this tournament if he continues to moves like that!

Case rolls Whiplash into the ring. Whiplash seems to be knocked cold. Case applies the GAMEBREAKER! THE GAMEBREAKER! The referee asks Whiplash if he taps but he isn’t responsive. The ref has no choice. He lifts Whiplash’s hand once.

Twice.

Three times!

It’s over!

JENNY JERSEY: And your winner… “THE MILLENNIUM GAME” JUSTIN CASE!

*****Johnny, Tell’em What’s He Won!*****

As Justin Case has his hand raised in victory, “Indestructible” by Disturbed begins to play over the speakers. J.T. Whiplash disappears backstage in all the commotion, as Simon Kalis steps out with a microphone in hand.

Simon Kalis: Congratulations Justin. You’ve taken the first step down a pretty prestigious path, and I’m sure you’re wondering what this tournament is about.

The crowd cheers, as Case just nods in Kalis’ direction.

Simon Kalis: I know I promised to reveal what it was this week. Thing is… I like surprises. So I figure we’ll just keep it a secret.

The crowd boos a bit, they really wanted to know what the big deal was! Case, cocky and confident, just shrugs it off.

Simon Kalis: But know this, the reward for the winner will be worth it.

*****REBEL Pro Fecal Beagle Championship Match*****
*****Mikey Massacre versus Loren N. Chill©*****

The scene returns to the ring where “The Outsider [Apocalypse Mix]” by A Perfect Circle begins playing throughout the arena. A mixed reaction from the fans as Loren N. Chill emerges from the entranceway with a Fecal Beagle in one hand while the other secures the Curtain Jerker Championship on his shoulder.

Larry Gordon: One of REBEL Pro’s latest acquisitions, Loren N. Chill making his way to the ring.

Loren takes a sip of the Fecal Beagle as he makes his way down the aisle, nearly vomiting after the first drink. He throws the opened can of beer out across the audience before using his shirt to wipe off his tongue, leaving a brown spot on his shirt.

Once he reaches the ring, he slides in under the bottom rope and retrieves the microphone from Jenny Jersey. The music stops and we’re left with the slight roar of the audience.

Loren N. Chill: I’ve got a lot to do and a very small time allotment to do it in. So, it’s right down to business.

He turns and points to the announcer table.

Loren N. Chill: Larry Gordon… come on down!

Larry Gordon: I guess I’ve got to go.

We hear his headset hit the announcer table, the chant of “Larry” fills the arena as he walks up the steps and enters the ring, taking a place next to Loren.

Loren N. Chill: I told the fans, just as I told REBEL Pro that you and I had never been formally introduced and it was one of the more important items on my list tonight. — Let me start off by giving you this card I picked out for you at [CONTENT MISSING].

Loren reaches into his inner jacket pocket and pulls out a blue envelope, he hands it to Gordon who immediately starts opening it.

Loren N. Chill: You’re going to love it. I promise.

Gordon keeps tearing away at the envelope, finally pull the card out and flipping it over to reveal a picture of Loren giving him a double middle-finger. The fans ignite with a ‘boo’ as Gordon tosses the card to the ground.

Loren N. Chill: Don’t do that! You haven’t even opened it to read the inside, who knows, there could even be money!

Loren waits for Gordon to pick the card up. Gordon opens the card and the words, “FUCK YOU!” are bolded in red. Gordon tears the card up into pieces before throwing them in Loren’s face. Loren just gives a coy smile.

Loren N. Chill: You see Gordon, I don’t like you. It’s pretty obvious after that little display and I can only hope that you don’t like me just as much, if not more. Now, as for my reason for not liking, it is staring you in the face.

Loren points to the Curtain Jerker Championship on his shoulder.

Loren N. Chill: While most people want to blame Jeremy Gold for ‘recognizing’ this title, or blame Simon Kalis for not overturning Gold’s decision, the fact remains: this title wouldn’t even be in existence if it weren’t for you. In what appeared to be an act of kindness, you generously handed this title over to Bobby Lee and knowing how that kid’s head operates, he thought the world of it. Thought the world of you. But me, I set him free. I took this “kick me” sign off his back and look at him now. He’s actually got two wins to his credit now, both of those thanks in part to me. THAT is a gift.

Loren starts circling the ring, circling Gordon.

Loren N. Chill: Now that I have the title, everyone has began wondering what exactly I’m intend to do with it. Am I going to pawn it off on the first legitimate threat? Am I going to give it back to Bobby Lee? Or am I simply just going to keep it and defend it with every fiber of my being? — The answer to these questions are all, T-B-D. However, what isn’t waiting to be determined is my second order of business and that is renaming this title. Curtain Jerker Championship makes it sound like we’re having a circle jerk backstage with Emily Corlen as the pivot man, first one to deliver the money shot wins. Granted, we are doing that on a weekly basis, but it’s not for the title.

Linzi Martin: I wanted to be the pivot man. *sad face*

Loren N. Chill: From this moment forward, this title will be recognized as the Fecal Beagle Championship. You want to know why? Because it is nothing more than a remanufactured PIECE!! OF!! SHIT!!

Loren takes the title off his shoulder and throws it at Gordon, who follies it and it falls to the mat at his feet. Loren takes a step towards Gordon, putting him on his guard.

Loren N. Chill: Don’t worry. I’m not going to hit you. Not yet, anyway.

‘Boos’ erupt from the crowd.

Loren N. Chill: Lastly, I’m going to turn your little joke of a title into something worth a damn. Turn “shit into gold”, literally, so to speak.

Loren walks alcohol en viagra over to the side of the ring, the camera changes angles to see Dennis Reveni holding a briefcase which he throws towards viagra cialis levitra trial pack the ring. Loren manages to catch it and props it up in the corner behind Larry Gordon.

Loren N. Chill: Go ahead, take a look.

Gordon opens the briefcase and pulls out a real metal-plated title with leather strap. It carries the Fecal Beagle pup in the center, the metal-plating is made of copper.

Loren N. Chill: Isn’t she a beauty? Tell you what, why don’t you take that back to your announcer table and after I’m through with Mikey Massacre, I’ll let you do me the honor of putting it around my waist.

Loren gets nose to nose with Gordon.

Loren N. Chill: Welcome back, Larry.

Loren flips the microphone out of his hand, hitting Gordon in the chest with it before retreating to a corner, waiting for the start of his match. Gordon exits the ring, returning to his seat. Just as Jenny Jersey begins to announce Mikey’s entrance.

“Heavy Metal Machine” plays throughout the arena and appearing in the entranceway appears Mikey Massacre. Before Jenny Jersey can even begin announcing him, he rushes the ring and slides in under the bottom rope. Once he gets to his feet, he delivers a lariat to Chill which sends him to the mat. The music finally stops playing and the bell sounds.

* DING * DING * DING pharmacy checker canada *

Mikey Massacre picks Chill up to his feet and whips him across the ring, trying for a clothesline but Chill ducks. Coming off the opposite ropes, Chill tries for a flying cross body but gets caught like a small child by Mikey. Mikey delivers a backbreaker and showboats to the crowd, while the backbreaker seems to have no effect as Chill quickly gets right back up to his feet.

Chill waits for Mikey to turn around before delivering a boot to his stomach, a hard right to the head, another kick to the stomach and then a single-leg takedown. With Massacre on the mat, Chill goes for a figure-four but Massacre retreats into the ropes making it impossible.

Massacre gets to his feet, and the two circle one another before clashing into a collar-and-elbow tie-up. Massacre delivers a rake to the eyes, as Chill stumbles blindly about the ring Massacre delivers a boot of his own to Chill’s stomach. Pushing Chill up against the ropes, Massacre tries for a clothesline, but Chill ducks it and counters by backbody dropping Massacre to the outside floor.

Chill follows Massacre out, kicking him again in the stomach before smashing Massacre’s face into the guard rail around the ring area. As Chill goes to follow up, Massacre quickly delivers a hard right hand to the side of Chill’s head that sends him reeling backwards. Massacre gives pursuit, grabbing Chill and attempting to Irish whip him into the ringpost, but Chill reverses. Massacre hits the turnbuckle with a authority.

Massacre climbs back into the ring, but Chill wastes no time getting in himself and quickly locking Massacre up in a wristlock in the center of the ring. Massacre shuts out the pain and slowly starts to stand but Chill starts delivering forearm shots to Massacre’s back, keeping him down. Eventually Massacre gets to his feet and is able to break viagra generic the hold with a kick to the stomach, then clamping on a side headlock.

With a headlock takedown, he puts Chill onto the mat but Chill quickly grabs Massacre’s head with a head scissors. Mikey shows off his agility by nipping up and spins Chill out of his boots with another vicious clothesline.

With Chill on the mat, crawling, Massacre starts to deliver kicks to the side of his head. Chill finally getting to his feet, only to get Irish whipped across the ring and taken back down with a power slam. Massacre goes for the cover.

1!

2!

KICK OUT!

Massacre pulls Chill and props him against the ropes. Driving his knees into his stomach a few times before delivering a couple of hard uppercuts. Choking Chill, he backs him up into a corner before Irish whipping him to the adjacent corner, but Chill reverses and comes charging full steam and goes for a spear but Massacre side steps him. Chill tackles the ringpost with authority and gets dumped out onto the apron by Massacre.

Once Chill stands, Massacre bends his neck over the top rope and starts clubbing at his chest with more forearm shots. Chill stumbles along the apron as Massacre turns his back and plays off to the REBEL Pro fans who begin cheering. But are they cheering for him? Or because Chill has started to climb the turnbuckle?

Massacre turns around as Chill comes off the top rope with a flying cross body, but Massacre carries the momentum over into a pin of his own, hooking Chill’s leg.

1!

2!

3!!!

* DING * DING * DING *

“Heavy Metal Machine” plays throughout the arena and Mikey begins to celebrate until he sees the referee place the Fecal Beagle Championship onto Loren’s waist. The idea of losing even though you won, the thought drives Mikey insane. He grabs the referee and spikes his face into the canvas and then picks him up and throws him over the top rope to the outside, the poor referees face bashing against the steel steps. Mikey hops out of the ring and cusses out the fans but security arrives quickly this time to make sure he doesn’t do any more damage.

*****Getting The Band Back Together*****

We fade backstage, again to Simon’s office.

Simon Kalis: Yeah. Well I look forward to it, brother. You finally coming to the AoWF, let alone REBEL Pro… It changes things.

Simon ashes his cigarette and nods.

Simon Kalis: I know. Well. We’ll show them how it’s done. Don’t worry.

He pauses again.

Simon Kalis: I don’t know. We’ll figure it out, but I’ll see you soon then man.

Kalis hangs up the phone and finally notices the cameras. He doesn’t do a thing but shrug, smile and offer a peace sign as we fade to ringside.

*****REBEL Pro Aggression Championship Match*****
*****Virgil Keenan versus Jaice Wilds versus Violet Harper©*****

1!

2!!

BREAK! Virgil breaks the count.

Linzi Martin: This is going to be a lot of back and forth I bet.

Larry Gordon: Each one of them wants that Aggression title, Linzi.

Virgil lifts Harper up and grapples, and begins kneeing her repeatedly in the stomach and chest as Jaice Wilds slides out of the ring and begins searching for some extra firepower. Violet twists herself out of the grapple and hit’s a shining wizard on Virgil, taking him down to the canvas. She then falls back, hitting a dropkick to his face as he sits up and putting him back down.

Larry Gordon: That’s why she’s been Aggression Champion. She knows how to get herself out of sticky situations.

Linzi Martin: Oh my, Larry.

Larry Gordon: What? I didn’t mean it anything like that!

Linzi Martin: Sure you didn’t.

Jaice has a steel chair and decides to take the time to wrap it up in some barbed wire as Violet comes off the ropes with an asai moonsault on Keenan. She covers!

1!

Jaice finishes wrapping the chair in barbed wire.

2!!

Jaice slides back in.

Virgil puts the brass knuckles on over his fist and clenches, staring vengefully at Jaice for what happened a few short weeks ago. He slides back in the ring and stops Jaice from chaing Violet out of the ring and swings and knocks Wilds right across the face, busting open Wilds’ forehead immediately. Jaice hits the ropes but holds on, preventing himself from bouncing. Harper gets up and watches on from the outside, perhaps calculating her next move. Jaice says something inaudible to Keenan as he steps forward again, blood trickling down his face. Virgil doesn’t say a word but instead takes another swing and knocks Jaice right back into the ropes. Jaice falls to his knees and looks woozy as he looks back up at Virgil, who seems ready to finish knocking Jaice the fuck out.

Larry Gordon: Virgil better remember there’s someone else in this match.

Linzi Martin: SEXY TIME!!!

Violet slides back into the ring as Virgil raises his fist back high into the air over a woozy and bloodied Jaice Wilds. Violet picks up the barbed wire chair and taps Virgil with it from behind. Virgil spins around, and BANG! Violet brings the chair down hard over his face and he stumbles around a bit woozy himself now. Violet throws the chair at him, he catches it before it hits his face! Bicycle kick from Violet into the chair, right into Virgil’s face! He’s busted open now as he stumbles all the way into the ropes and Jaice uses his body to flip Virgil Keenan right over the top rope and onto the outside.

Larry Gordon: I get the feeling neither Jaice nor Violet appreciate Virgil Keenan in this match. He is the only one here who has never held REBEL Pro gold.

Linzi Martin: You’re probably right. Virgil comes off as such an asshole to everyone, but I do think he’s kinda funny too.

Jaice is back up and he knee drops his right knee into Harper’s throat after grabbing her and bringing her down, before picking her up by her long hair and whipping her into the ropes. He kneels forward as if to throw her up but she stops the momentum, and lands a vicious kick into Jaice Wild’s chest. he stumbles back as she runs, jumps and hits a shoulder block into his face. Wilds bounces off the ropes and The Aggression Champion follows up with an implant DDT taking Jaice to the canvas hard face first. She’s on her feet once again as is Jaice but he remains wobbly. She kicks him in the mid section and lands a vicious spinning neck breaker taking them both to the canvas. She quickly pulls him forward, wrapping her legs around him as she covers him. It looks like a fun place to be though, trust me.

1!

2!!

THREEE-NO! JAICE KICKS OUT!

Larry Gordon: And Violet nearly ends this match.

Linzi Martin: Jaice was so lucky to have her…So close. I mean. Yeah.

Violet gets to her feet and puts the barbed wire chair down on Jaice Wilds’ chest. Virgil Keenan disappears under the ring now, doing who knows what. Violet climbs to the top rope. She stands up precariously, but then flies off with a Corckscrew 630 Senton, landing between the chair and Jaice, hurting both of them tremendously.

Larry Gordon: See how is she not REBEL Pro material? Sacrificing her own body for victory.

Linzi Martin: I don’t know, ask Mikey.

Violet covers!

1!

The ring starts shifting near them? I mean it looks like something is banging against it from underneath trying to rip it open.

2!!

VIRGIL FUCKING BREAKS THROUGH THE BOTTOM OF THE RING WITH A LEAD PIPE WRAPPED IN BARBED WIRE! What a nut! He just made a huge hole in the ring!

3!!!

NO!!! VIRGIL CRACKS VIOLET IN THE HEAD WITH THAT PIPE!

Linzi Martin: I’ve NEVER seen that!

Larry Gordon: He just bought himself a ring.

Virgil pulls himself up and as Jaice Wilds comes to, Virgil with a lung blower on Jaice Wilds! Jaice rolls away. But Violet Harper is up and she takes Virgil down with a bridged German suplex! The cover!

1!

Jaice Wilds hops up onto the top rope!

2!!

He’s wobbly, but…

THREEEE-NO!! JAICE WILDS WITH AERIAL ACE ON VIOLET HARPER!!!

Linzi Martin: Oh SHI

Jaice Wilds throws Violet off of Virgil and covers!!!

1!!

Virgil realizes what’s going on!

2!!!

Nuh uh he says!

3!!!!

NO! Virgil “accidentally” grabs onto the referee and uses him to get to his feet, ruining the count. Violet Harper rolls away as Jaice gets to his feet and starts arguing with Virgil. Violet Harper recovers and slides out of the ring as Jaice and Virgil begin pushing each other around, the referee still recovering. Violet returns, and she’s found a canister of gas which she douses herself with.

Linzi Martin: Oh fuck. Violet!

Harper sets herself on fire as she gets to the top rope, Keenan throws himself back. Jaice turns around, A FIERY PURPLE HAZE ON JAICE WILDS!!! Violet Harper manages to roll around and put herself out. Virgil goes after her but she ducks and hits him with a spinning heel kick that sends him over the top rope. Violet covers!!!!

But there’s still no damn referee!

She gets to her feet and begins pushing the referee around to wake him up, and he does. Just as Jaice comes to and rolls her up in a schoolboy!

1!

2!!

3!!!

NO! Virgil Keenan pulls Jaice Wilds out of the ring and cracks him with the brass knuckles, before throwing Jaice right into the fans at front row. Virgil Keenan slides into the ring as Violet gets to her feet. Violet moves in for a move, but Virgil grabs her, throws her around… BURNING HAMMER!!! BURNING HAMMER ON VIOLET HARPER!

1!

2!!

Jaice finally gets to the ring, but…

3!!!

DING DING DING

Larry Gordon: What an upset!!!

Linzi Martin: NO!!! NO!!!! VIOLET!!! SEXY TIME CAN’T END!!!

Virgil is handed the Aggression title which he raises high in the air.

Jenny Jersey: The winner of this match, and NEEEEEEEEEW REBEL Pro Aggression Champion…. VIRGIL KEEEEEEENAAAAAAAAN!!!!!

Confetti and shit starts to come down from the rafters like we’re Victory Wrestling here as Virgil climbs up to the turnbuckle and raises the title. Violet looks up, she can’t believe what’s happened and Jaice points up at Virgil and lets him know this is far from over.

Larry Gordon: The reign of Sexy Time, finally, comes to an end.

Linzi Martin: I’m gonna cry, Larry. Hold me!

Linzi throws herself on Larry, forgetting his heart condition as she wraps her legs all on him.

Larry Gordon: My oh my.

*****Chaos*****

The shot cuts to backstage, where Justin Case and Rocky Logan are talking in the locker room. Their driver busts in the room.

DRIVER: “Theres….. a…. there’s a bulldozer…. the limo!”

The scene cuts to a bulldozer going at full speed as it crashes into a huge black limousine. The camera shows an Order of Chaos emblem on the hood. The driver steps out of the bulldozer.

It’s Vincent Black. He has a genuine look of surprise on his face.

VINCENT: “Oops.”

He gets back in the bulldozer, and pushes the limo out of the way, clearing the way for the white limousine near it. He revvs the throttle, and plows into the side of the other limo as fast as possible, pushing it hard into the side of the Mellon Arena. He backs the bulldozer up, and hits it again, crumpling the car even more. He gets out of the bulldozer, and starts walking towards the arena as Justin Case and Rocky Logan meet him head on.

A big boot lays out Justin Case, but Rocky Logan does a nice single leg takedown that puts Black on his back. Logan scrambles to the top position, and starts a ground and pound that instantly busts Vincent’s broken orbital bone area open, pouring blood. After a few shots to the face, Black reaches up and grabs Logan by the throat, tossing him off of Black. Black is up quickly, and Case connects with a toe kick to the midsection. Black doubles over, but comes up swinging with an uppercut that connects hard. Rocky attacks Vincent from behind, and Vincent spins to land a few punches. Justin Case attacks Black from behind.

Black is fighting back decently well, yet bleeding heavily from the cut under his arm. A huge headbutt sends Rocky to the ground, and here come the security guards. They step in, pulling Case away from Black, but not before Black lands a solid right that staggers Case. Black turns around as a stop sign posts hits him hard in the chest. He staggers back, and actually falls on his ass as security wrestle the sign post away from Rocky Logan. Black is up quickly, and security is trying to hold everyone back. Finally, Simon Kalis comes in with the manilla envelope.

Simon Kalis: “Fine, you want to fight? Put yourself on the shelf?? Fucking fine. That works for me.”

Kalis pulls out a lighter, and lights the folder on fire.

Simon Kalis: “It’s not official anymore. What IS official is a falls count anywhere match. Vincent Black versus Case Filed Rockets in Detroit. Black, you wanna play the tough guy game, here’s your chance.”

Black smiles through the blood, nodding his head. Case and Logan regroup, as Logan points at Vincent, talking trash, as Simon simply walks back into the arena and we fade off.

*****The Return?*****

Simon Kalis sighs as he makes his way through the hallway after trying to wrap his head around Vincent Black’s death wish. He turns a corner but stops dead in his tracks as he comes to his office door. There’s smoke billowing out from inside and we can see Jeremy Gold is knocked out cold, propped up against the wall near the office. Simon rushes over and pulls Gold away from the smoke, leaving him on the floor.

Linzi Martin: Jesus what now?!

http://viagraincanada-onlinerx.com/

Kalis approaches the door to his office, and looks in to find everything is on fire inside. He pulls out a cigarette and lights it on one of the flames coming up before stepping back and closing the door. It’s then he sees something has been carved into the door itself. A message. He reads it, and smirks as he takes a drag off his cigarette.

Simon Kalis: So… You’re back.

He takes his right hand and pulls out his glass eye from his left eye socket, dropping it to the ground. He backs off and picks up Jeremy Gold, throwing him over his shoulder and calmly walking away.

The camera zooms in on the message on the door…

Matthew 18:9- And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell.

*****QUICK RESULTS*****

Dodo-A-Gogo defeats Golden Inferno, killing Emlee Korlin in the process.
Justin Case defeats J.T. Whiplash, and finds himself one step closer to something. We think
Mikey Massacre defeats Loren Chill, and breaks shit again.
Virgil Keenan defeats Violet Harper & Jaice Wilds to become the new Aggression Champion

*****Guess Who’s Back?*****

A midnight blue convertible 1966 Chevrolet Corvette pulls into the parking lot. Stepping out from this sharp looking classic is none other than Rebel Pro Majority Owner, Larry Gordon. After nodding to the camera, he pulls a briefcase out of the car and steps into the building.

*****When The Cat Is Out, The Mice Will Play*****

There’s a quick shot change to inside Jeremy Gold’s office, which is probably good given the fact Simon is holding him up against the wall, and if we could see Simons face behind the mask he’s now wearing to cover up his mutilated face, we’re sure he looks pissed off.

Simon Kalis: You up and “recognized” a cardboard title?

Jeremy Gold: I thought it’d be fun! Entertaining!

Gold whimpers, Simon dropping him down.

Jeremy Gold: You gotta admit, it’s special.

Kalis slams the door on his way out, and Gold wipes the tears out of his eyes.

*****Bobby Lee versus Jimmy Henderson*****

The two meet up in the center of the ring for a collar-and-elbow tie-up, Jimmy wastes no time in walking Bobby into the corner and driving his leg into his stomach. Bobby keels over and Jimmy drives a forearm over his back, sending Bobby to his knees.

Pulling Bobby up by his hair, Jimmy throws a hard right hand to the side of the head that sends Bobby back to the mat. Jimmy, stalking him, pulls Bobby to his feet only to put him back down with a scoop slam followed up by a standing elbow drop into the sternum. Jimmy immediately goes for the cover.

1!

2!

KICK OUT!

Jimmy gets to his feet, pulling Bobby to his feet and attempts a suplex, but Bobby quickly seizes the opportunity and goes for an inside cradle.

1!

KICK OUT!

Both men quickly get to their feet, but Jimmy is the quicker of the two and drives another forearm shot across the shoulders of Bobby. Getting him to his feet, Jimmy shoves Bobby into the ropes before whipping across the ring and trying for a clothesline that misses. Bobby bounces off the ropes again and tries for a cross body, but gets caught. Jimmy walks around the ring, show boating before sending Bobby to the mat with a fall away slam that sends him to the floor.

Jimmy heads to the outside of the ring, pulling Bobby to his feet and Irish whipping him into the steel steps. With Bobby momentarily subdued on the outside, Jimmy grabs the top half of the stairs and launches them over the top rope into the ring. He then proceeds to dig under the ring to find a set of trash cans, throwing both lids and one canister in the ring – the other he keeps for himself, stalking Bobby with it.

Bobby is crawling on the floor until Jimmy slams the trash can into his back, pulls him to his feet and then throws him into the ring. Jimmy starts to slide into the ring, but Bobby seizes the opportunity to grab the canister in the ring and dents it over Jimmy’s head. Jimmy wobbles for a second, Bobby takes another swing, this time with the bottom of the can. Jimmy falls onto his back and Bobby goes for the cover.

1!

2!

KICK OUT!

With Jimmy still on the mat, using the bottom rope as a spring board, Bobby begins stomping at his chest repeatedly. Bobby walks back over to the canister, waiting for Jimmy to get to his feet before swinging it like a baseball bat this time into the side of Jimmy’s head. Jimmy staggers but doesn’t fall. Bobby delivers a couple of hard right hands to Jimmy’s skull before running to the ropes but Jimmy is waiting with a boot to the face, killing all of Bobby’s momentum.

Jimmy grabs Bobby by the hair once more, walking him like a dog over to the steel steps in the ring. Jimmy stands on top and gets set to piledrive Bobby’s head into them. Struggling to get him upright, Jimmy finds himself on the receiving end of a back body drop onto the mat. Bobby quickly heads under the ring and pulls out a ladder, sliding it into the ring and climb back in himself afterward.

Jimmy tries to get to his feet, but Bobby slams the ladder into his back, sending Jimmy back down to the mat. Bobby stands the ladder up in the corner, while Jimmy is finally able to get to his feet. Jimmy secures the steel steps and as Bobby turns around, he gets caught in the face with them.

Jimmy pulls Bobby to his feet and delivers another forearm shot to the back that sends Bobby rolling across the mat. Jimmy stands Bobby back up and Irish whips him into the corner, but Bobby uses his momentum to climb the turnbuckle at a dead run, quickly turning around he comes off with a springboard 450 plancha. Both men appear to be spent.

Slowly to their feet. Jimmy, ever the opportunist, grabs one of the trash can lids and uses it to bat down Bobby before he can even finishing standing up. Jimmy shoves the referee out of the way before turning and grabbing the battered trash can still in the ring. With Jimmy’s back turned, Bobby grabs the trash can lid he just dropped and with authority, smashes it over Jimmy’s head.

BLOOD! WE GOT BLOOD! Welcome back Jimmy!

Bobby swings the canister lid a few more times before Jimmy finally falls to his back on the mat. Bobby, still with the lid, makes his way over to the ladder in the corner and begins to ascend. Jimmy rises to his feet and begins to ascend the other side of the ladder. Bobby pummels Jimmy with the trash can lid several more times.

Jimmy finally falls from the top of the ladder and Bobby is quick to reach the top tier of the ladder. Lobbing the canister lid onto Jimmy’s face from up top, Bobby comes off the the top of the ladder and lands awkwardly on Jimmy. Jimmy gets to his feet, Psycho Paraphenalia from Bobby Lee! Bobby Lee lays down next to Jimmy, then places Jimmy’s arm over him.

Linzi Martin: What the hell is he doing?

1!

2!!

KICK OUT!

Bobby Lee kicks out of his uhm.. Own stuff? Who knows, the point is he did so because there is a large Gray Alien at ringside now stalking him. Bobby Lee’s eyes are incredibly wide as he stares in horror at his arch nemesis, a genuine Zeti Reticuli alien. Who is also, oddly enough, drinking a can of Fecal Beagle’s and he looks at the can as if it “tastes like shit”.

Linzi Martin: Only in Philly.

Bobby Lee faints, and he falls right on top of Jimmy Henderson.

1!

2!

3!

* DING * DING * DING *

Jenny Jersey: Here is your winner… Bobby Lee!

The alien removes his mask, obviously to reveal it’s Loren N. Chill behind it. He laughs it off as he walks back up the entrance ramp.

Linzi Martin: So the point of this was to cost Bobby Lee the match, by making him win? These two were made for each other, I tell you.

*****So Wait, What Was This About?*****

We fade backstage and find Rupert The Kangaroo nodding as he looks over Virgil Keenan, who leans over the desk to stare Simon Kalis directly in the eyes.

Virgil Keenan: So? What’d you say?

Kalis leans back, cupping his hands over his belly and nodding.

Simon Kalis: You make an incredibly sound argument there Virgil. Rupert? What’d you think?

Gold perks up from the couch as Rupert seems to nod in agreement.

Simon Kalis: Consider it done. You and Wilds and Har-

Jeremy Gold: Wait you’re gonna ask the fucking kangaroo his opinion over me?

Virgil Keenan gets up, a sly smirk over his face as he nods to Simon and walks out. Rupert lights a cigarette and blows the smoke in Gold’s face.

Simon Kalis: He’s smarter than you are.

Gold buries his face in his hands as we fade to ringside…

*****Virgil Keenan versus Loren N. Chill*****

“We Are The End” by Alexisonfire hits and the crowd jumps to their feet.

Jenny Jersey: The following match is scheduled for one fall and uhm. I guess, is for the REBEL Pro Curtain Jerker Championship by default!

Virgil Keenan steps out with a “WTF” look on his face, he obviously doesn’t want the Curtain Jerker title.

Linzi Martin: Luckily for him he only gets that title if he loses, which he probably doesn’t want to.

Keenan slides into the ring and accepts the mixed reaction from the crowd.

Then, “Let Me Prey” by Van Helsing’s Curse begins playing throughout as the arena is now engulfed in red overhead lights, the REBELTron now displays alien-like symbols and images. As the lights over the entranceway come on we can see what appears to be a dozen black-robed Yautjas (Predators, for those of you who never read the comics), some with masks, some without.

?

### CENTURIES HAD PASSED ###
### AND THE WORLD HAD CHANGED ###
### BUT IT KNEW THEY HAD NOT ###

### FIRST THEY WOULD TRY TO FIGHT ###

### THEN THEY WOULD TRY TO RUN ###

### AND THEN THEY WOULD PRAY ###

The maniacal laughter that was once Patient 4479 can be heard echoing through the arena.

### “LET US PRAY” ###

### NO! ###

### LET ME PREY ###

The Yautjas make their way down the aisle in pairs and begin to circle around the ring. Bobby Lee tries to scramble for a new place to hide but quickly retreats back into the ring, snatching up his riot shield and cautiously watching all sides of the ring.

Then, at the top of the entrance appears two more Yautja, one of which is completely decked out with battle-ready armor.

?

The two Yautja, Loren & Dennis, make their way down to the ring. Dennis gets down on all fours next to the ring apron and Loren uses his back as a step up. Once on the apron, Loren steps into the ring and the camera focuses on Bobby Lee who has appeared to literally soil his pants.

?

Loren moves in for an immediate strike, a flying lariat as he goes towards Keenan hard. He manages to hit Virgil Keenan in the face cleanly, but Virgil rolls with the move and shrugs it off before stepping back and watching Chill for the next strike. Keenan is on his feet and rushes towards Chill but Keenan throws a knee out and both their knees hit, Loren flips over, hitting the canvas hard. Virgil Keenan picks Chill by the neck and hip tosses him to the canvas before following it up with a well placed elbow drop to Chill’s throat. Seemingly calm, cool and collected as well in control.

Linzi Martin: Virgil really impresses me, you know. He came out of no where into REBEL Pro and really seems like a legitimate contender.

The camera catches Linzi looking around all shifty eyed around her, but alas she is still alone at the announcers table.

Linzi Martin: I concur.

Virgil back on his feet, but out of no where Loren Chill grabs him from behind and pulls him down with a school boy!

1!

2!!

KICK OUT!

Linzi Martin: Odd one that Loren *censored* Chill isn’t he?

Keenan easily kicks out jusssst after the 2 count and he immediately gets to his feet. He hit’s a sudden snap suplex on Chill and immediately gets back to his feet and grabs The Curtain Jerker Champion by the legs. Chill tries to wiggle his legs out of Virgils grip but he can’t as Virgil locks in a sharpshooter, clenching it and applying immediate pressure. He wrenches the sharpshooter on Chill but he flat out refuses to give up, shaking his head vehemently. Virgil yells out to Loren to just “give up”.

Linzi Martin: Wait whoa!

Bobby Lee comes running out from backstage and Loren quickly taps out.

Linzi Martin: What the fu-

DING DING DING

Jenny Jersey: The winner of this match by submission… VIRGIL KEENAN!!!

Keenan seems bewildered but shrugs it off and has his hands raised nonetheless. Bobby Lee grabs the CJ Title and tries to run off with it but Chill leaps over the top rope and tackles Bobby Lee to the ground. They begin a scrap as Virgil walks back up the ramp, obviously content with another win under the belt.

Linzi Martin: I guess this means Loren retains his title uhm, yeah. It does. But… Oh shit.

Bobby Lee, with one end of the title, Loren, with the other. Both men rip it in half. Bobby Lee can’t believe it neither can Loren Chill, but Lee leaps into the crowd and on his way out.

Linzi Martin: Well to be fair folks, the belt was made out of cardboard and crayons.

Chill gives chase as we fade backstage.

Linzi Martin: My favourite part was how the entrances took longer than the actual match.

*****Just A Couple of Ideas*****

A knock on the door causes Simon to look up as Larry Gordon walks in, carrying his briefcase, Simon smirks.

Simon: “Trying to be all mysterious?”

Gordon laughs as he shakes his head.

Larry: “Not really, just some things I wanted to discuss with you.”

Larry sits down in front of the desk, allowing Simon to sit behind it, where he’s been this entire time.

Simon: “You know that camera is running and everyone wants to know how you are doing.”

Gordon nods.

Larry: “True and fact is that I’m doing fine. I could actually come back and run this company.”

Simon just stares, but Gordon quickly holds up his hand.

Larry: “But the fact is that the ratings are outrageous, you are doing an excellent job, and the profits are pouring in more than even I could have imagined. But there is one or two things I’d like to discuss.”

Gordon looks at Simon, who nods.

Larry: “Rebel Pro was based on hardcore wrestling.”

Simon nods his agreement, Gordon smiles.

Larry: “And while I love the middle rope idea of barbed wire, how about this…”

Gordon pulls out a drawing of a Rebel Pro ring. The ropes are all wrapped in barbed wire while the turnbuckles are covered in barbed wire as well. Simon looks down and smiles.

Simon: “Easily done Larry, but this can’t be the only reason you are here tonight.”

Gordon shakes his head.

Larry: “Its not Simon and unless you have another person in mind… I miss this business terribly and seeing as I’m in much better health…”

Simon nods, knowing exactly where Larry is going.

Larry: “The decision is totally up to you, I will not make it for you, but if you need an announcer then you’ve got one sitting across the desk from you right now. Could do a three man team or stick to just two; call is strictly up to you.”

Simon ponders this for a bit as we fade back to ringside.

****Mikey Massacre versus Jaice Wilds*****

“Animals” by Nickelback fills the arena and Jaice Wilds steps out of the entranceway before running a full sprint to the ring and sliding under the ropes. Quickly to his feet, he runs to one of the corners, climbing up to the middle turnbuckle and pointing to the crowd who give him a mixed reaction. Stepping up to the third turnbuckle, he does a backflip into the center of the ring and await’s the arrival of Mikey Massacre.

“Heavy Metal Machine” by Smashing Pumpkins hits the airwaves and the crowd jumps to their feet. Mikey Massacre appears at the entranceway, taking the time to let the déjà vu fully sink in before idly making his way down to the ring.

DING DING

Mikey drops the gun, collar and elbow tie up. Mikey with a wristlock into a hammerlock. He slaps the cheek of Jaice before releasing the hold. Jaice Wilds turns around charging at Mikey; drop toe hold and Jaice Wilds is on the canvas. Kip up by Mikey has him back on his feet, baseball slide into Jaice, who rolls out of the way. Jaice up to his feet, throwing a right hand at Mikey, it connects driving the Bearded Bastard backwards into the center of the ring. Another right hand, Mikey ducks underfull nelson merging into a DDT sends Jaice forehead first onto the canvas. Mikey kips up wiping sweat from his brow then slapping his hand across Jaice’s face. Mikey hits the ropes, seeming to be ready for an elbow drop, Jaice Wilds moves as the elbow comes down, Mikey’s elbow slams into the canvas hard. Jaice Wilds up quickly hitting the ropes with a springboard lionsault that flattens Mikey to the canvas. He quickly pulls the Bearded Bastard back to his feet, Irish whip into the corner. Wilds charges in, Mikey with a foot raised. Jaice slides under the bottom rope, having ducked under the foot. As he slides past Mikey’s foot, he grabs the planted foot, pulling it with his momentum. Mikey lands face first on the canvas as Wilds’ momentum keeps him going, Mikey crotched on the ringpost. The crowd groans.

Linzi Martin: This crowd not liking Mikey are they?

Jaice Wilds gets back up and begins clapping to get the crowd into this match, they get his point and begin to clap along with him. He jumps to the apron, leaps to the top turnbuckle and dives with a back elbow! Mikey rolls out of the way, Jaice rolls through the move unharmed. He spins back around charging at Mikey. Armdrag takedown and now Jaice Wilds is going on the defensive. Jaice up to a knee, Mikey struggling to keep him down. Right hand to the ribs of Mikey, a second. Mikey drops the hold, spins around, leg sweep takes Jaice down. Wilds lands on his shoulders but continues the roll backwards until he is up on his feet, Mikey can’t believe this. He charges with a clothesline, Wilds ducks under, Mikey with a mule kick sends Jaice Wilds shoulder first into the ringpost. He comes back holding at his injured shoulder in pain. Mikey kicks out with his right boot, but Wilds has obviously scouted as he ducks under the kick.

Linzi Martin: Wilds lucky he dodged that.
Mikey brings his foot back down as Jaice Wilds charges at his planted leg with a spear, Mikey leaps into the air with a one legged leap frog. Jaice’s momentum sends him through the ropes, he manages to catch the middle rope, spin himself around, slide in under the bottom rope and kip up to his feet in one fluid motion. Mikey looks impressed with that series and nods. Jaice Wilds holds at his shoulder again, because that little display cost him dearly. He once again charges at Mikey, rolling thunder stop into a leg sweep into boot heel to the throat of Mikey!

Linzi Martin: I honestly saw all this coming. Takes smarts.
Mikey kips up to his feet, hits the ropes, and rebounds with a springboard lionsault onto Jaice. Mikey climbs to the top turnbuckle, looks down at Jaice and mimics shooting him with a gun. Mikey leaps into action with the same series that Jaice just performed; this one being a bit more awkward than Jaice’s version, but connects. Mikey lifts Jaice up, hitting him with a series of vertical suplexes and ending with an Everplex to the center of the ring. Mikey then goes outside to retrieve a steel chair and climbs to the top turnbuckle and looks down on his opponent, Jaice Wilds.

Linzi Martin: I won’t lie, I miss having Mikey here with me. But I don’t think he really liked me.

Mikey is standing on the top turnbuckle, chair in hand and leaps, tossing the chair down just before he hits “The Sellout(chair assisted frogsplash).! Jaice moves! Jaice Wilds moves out of the way, kicking the chair back up into Mikey’s face! Mikey’s head is rocked backwards and Jaice is there sitting Mikey in the chair before climbing to the top rope!

Aerial Ace!

Cover!

One!

Two!

Three!

Ding Ding Ding

Jenny Jersey: Here is your winner…. Jaice Wilds!

Mikey Massacre rolls out of the ring, obviously pissed off. He grabs a few chairs and begins throwing them around, even going as far as to knock a fans face in with one. Jaice Wilds heads back up the entrance ramp, as security rushes in past him.

Linzi Martin: Oh my old buddy Mikey doesn’t seem too happy with how this turned out.

Massacre takes down the first three security guards with chair shots but they taser him to get him sedated, sort of.

Linzi Martin: Was that necessary guys?!

Security drags Massacre off, the crowd booing him as they go.

*****Percepshun*****

We arrive at the front door where Anna Mathews is attempting to carefully lead Lisa Seldon through the building.

Anna Mathews: Com on slwpoke!

Attempt is of course the operable word as Lisa sits back on her heels, forcing Anna to drag her through the halls. Which looks odd… especially with the puppet… and the talking belt… and the moose. It’s a regular carnival.

Anna Mathews: Wi hav 2 go c the wzard!

Finally, Lisa comes to a complete halt and throws down her arm. Anna turns back to grab her again but recoils when Lisa huffs loudly in her general direction.

Lisa Seldon: What the hell are you doing? I’m not blind!

Anna Mathews: But ur depth percepshun!

Her tone jumps up and bites you in the ears.

Anna Mathews: Evrythin’ iz closr or furthr awy than u fink!

As if to further emphasise the point, Anna wildly flails her arms in the air. And carries right on doing so until Lisa steps forward and grabs her by the shoulders.

Lisa Seldon: No it is not! Everything is exactly where I expect it to be!

Lisa shakes her back and forth with every word; and then a little more there after just because she’s annoyed. With nothing to say, Anna decides instead to smile ridiculously.

PuppetLisa: What about the peoples?

Lisa looks down as the puppet appears from the bottom of your screen. Lisa sneers back.

Lisa Seldon: The peoples will all get the hell out of my way! Because I am declaring war!

Lisa then pushes the puppet aside (yup) and storms down the nearest hallway, pushing at least two peoples into the wall as she goes. Anna meanwhile clicks her heels and skips along after, her entourage in tow.

Anna Mathews: Com along, Travolta!

Travolta is the moose.

*****Jamie Flynn versus J.T. Whiplash*****

The lights go out as an image of a copperhead slithering down a dirt road airs on the REBEL-Tron as the bagpipe intro from “Copperhead Road” by Steve Earle begins to play with the snake slithering down the path. The snake then coils up in position to strike as the bagpipe intro ends and “Simple Man” by Lynyrd Skynyrd begins to play over the P.A. system as red, white, and blue lighting goes off throughout the arena. Just then, a spot-light shines on J.T. Whiplash in his wrestling attire, holding a Rebel flag as the fans erupt in cheers. J.T. then waves the Rebel flag in the air hollering as he does so. He then puts the flag over his shoulder as he makes his way to the ring slowly, tagging hands with as many fans as he can get to as he gets to the end of the ramp-way, pausing as he waves his Rebel flag around again before walking to the ring steps and sticking his Rebel flag in the ring post as he steps over the middle rope and climbs in the ring, shouting and hollering for the fans to cheer as he climbs up each second turn-buckle and lets out a loud “YEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAWWW!!!” as he gives the crowd a bull-horn sign before he paces back and forth in the ring like a pissed-off hyena as he runs against the ropes a couple of times before going back to pacing as the music dies down.

“Knights of Cydonia” by Muse plays throughout the arena, but you can’t hear it because all the fans are on their feet. Jamie Flynn emerges from the entranceway, staring out across the crowd before making his way down to the ring.

* DING * DING * DING *

The two waste no time with a collar and elbow tie-up, Jamie Flynn is quick with a headlock but J.T. Whiplash quickly rushes him back to the ropes and shoves him off. Flynn comes off the ropes across the ring and Whiplash tries for a hip toss but it’s blocked. Flynn tries one of his own, it too is blocked. So Flynn settles for an arm drag take down.

As Whiplash gets to his feet, Flynn runs full steam and catches Whiplash with a clothesline that sends him to the mat. Flynn gets Whiplash to his feet and Irish whips him into the corner and follows him in with a running roundhouse kick. Flynn stands over Whiplash as he gets to his feet. Flynn tries to grab Whiplash by his wrist, but Whiplash quickly drives the tip of his boot into Flynn’s gut.

Whiplash follows up with several hard right hands that jar Flynn’s head, sending him up against the ropes. Whiplash shakes the punches off his fist before pursuing further. Whiplash proceeds to Irish whip Flynn across the ring and attempts a back body drop but Flynn flips over J.T.’s back and lands on his feet. As Whiplash turns around, he is caught with a crescent kick to the jaw.

With Whiplash on the mat near the ropes, Flynn runs to the ropes and delivers a baseball slide slash drop kick that sends Whiplash to the outside of the ring. Flynn seizing every opportunity steps out onto the apron and waits for Whiplash. Once J.T. gets to his feet, Flynn comes running and flying off the apron but Whiplash ducks the plancha and Flynn hit’s the floor.

Whiplash pulls Flynn to his feet and starts driving some more hard right hands into his skull, chasing Flynn around the ring as he does. Once he’s done pummeling him, Whiplash hooks Flynn up for a suplex but it’s blocked. Flynn hoists Whiplash up and slams his stomach onto the guardrail outside of the ring and then punches J.T. in the head several times. Once he’s incapacitated him long enough, Flynn climbs onto the apron and leaps off with a spinning leg drop.

Once Flynn gathers himself, he leaves Whiplash on the floor and digs under the ring for a table, setting it up. No sooner than the table is staged, Whiplash catches Flynn with a boot to the face as he turns around. Grabbing Flynn by the hair, he begins running with him and throws him face first into the steel steps.

With Flynn back to his feet, Whiplash starts delivering some vicious knife-edge chops to his Jamie’s chest. Again, chasing him around the ring as he does. Whiplash then Irish whips Flynn face first into the corner post of the ring. Whiplash throws Flynn into the ring, standing over him long enough to measure his next move which is a leaping leg drop across the neck and going for the cover.

1!

2!

KICK OUT!

Whiplash picks Flynn up and shoves him back into the corner, picking and choosing where he lands his punches and his kicks effectively. Flynn reverses, throwing some punches and kicks of his own before Irish whipping J.T. to the opposing corner and trying to follow-up with his clothesline, but he catches a face fool of Whiplash’s shoe.

Whiplash picks Flynn off the mat and drapes his throat across the ropes, using all of his massive frame to begin choking the life out of Flynn for several seconds before breaking the hold. Flynn falls to the mat, clutching at his throat. Whiplash quickly hooks Flynn into a camel clutch and rears back as hard as he can. The ref is there to check for a submission.

Flynn begins fighting his way out, using the ropes to pull himself to his feet but before he’s able to capitalize, Whiplash punches him in the throat and then clotheslines him to the mat. Flynn gets to his feet in the corner, but Whiplash is there driving boot after boot into his stomach once again. Flynn mounts a counter, striking Whiplash in the gut with a fist of his own. And another. And another.

Flynn starts striking rapidly now. One to the head, one to the body, back to the head, a kick to the ribs, kick to the knee and a roundhouse to the chest. With some separation now, Flynn takes off for the ropes buts get cut right back down with a power slam. Cover.

1!

2!

KICK OUT!

Whiplash pulls Flynn up by his hair, but Flynn starts right where he left off. Driving more punches into the gut of Whiplash, Flynn again appears to be distancing himself but J.T. is quick with an eye-gouge that stops the momentum. Whiplash throws Flynn towards the ropes, but Flynn holds on. J.T. comes running but Flynn ducks and back body drops Whiplash to the outside of the ring through the table!

Flynn takes a moment to catch his breath, meanwhile Whiplash begins to stir. Crawling towards the ring, he reaches for a steel chair from under it. As he stands, Flynn grabs him by his hair and Whiplash turns around with ferocity and bends the chair over his skull. Flynn stumbles back as Whiplash slides into the ring with the chair and sets it up in the ring.

Pick Flynn off the mat, J.T. picks Flynn up into a full gorilla press over his head and begins walking towards the chair. Flynn begins to shuffle lose, landing on his feet behind Whiplash. As Whiplash turns around, he thrown into the air by Flynn and pancaked onto the chair.

Flynn folds up the chair and drapes it across Whiplash’s face and he climbs up to the middle turnbuckle. Leaping off, he lands with a senton bomb onto the chair, crushing Whiplash’s skull underneath. Once he’s done nursing his back, Flynn removes the chair to reveal a busted open Whiplash. (Really, we’re used to it by now.)

Flynn climbs to the top turnbuckle, motioning for Whiplash to get to his feet. As J.T. finally stands up, Flynn comes off the top with his Suicide Devil’s Plancha!

1!

2!

3!

* DING * DING * DING *

Jenny Jersey: Here is your winner… Jamie Flynn!

Linzi Martin: Wow. Whiplash is a tough bastard, but this might be what people look back to and say was the beginning of Flynn’s Era. Is it though? Who knows. I’ve been drinking so you shouldn’t listen to me.

*****Time To Step It Up Again*****

Bubba J stands prepared for his match, dressed in his bluejeans, t-shirt, and doing his 12 ounce arm curls repeatedly on the bench.

“The more and more I think about it, the pisseder and pisseder I get.”

A very beautiful brunette comes from the bathroom, dressed in a set of skimpy bras and panties, she giggles as she sits on his lap.

“What makes you so mad Bubba?”

He looks at her and swallows some beer.

“That damnable Simon Kalis. I can’t stand his sorry black ass. I’m tired of him running away from our fight and he’s too much of a pussy to step up and us have this match.”

The woman leans over, kissing his ear(and wispering as well.

“Damn right, I’m gonna go and kick his ass!”

The woman slides off, sitting there as she looks at Bubba J storm out of the room, beer in hand. The scene changes out into the hallway where Gold is skipping along, bumping right into Bubba J. Gold looks up, gulping as Bubba J looks down into his very scared face.

“You’ll do!”

Bubba J growls as Gold whimpers and tries to run away. Bubba J begins to pound away on him.

“Tell me where I can find Simon!”

Gold whimpers again.

“Tell me and I’ll stop whoopin’ yer ars!”

He kicks Jeremy in the ass for good measure.

“Damn, nearly lost my foot up in there!”

Gold tries to run away from the irate redneck.

Gold: “He…. he… hes… in the office with Laaaaa…… rrry Goooooorddddon.”

Bubba J snickers.

“You lying faggot, Gordon ain’t around these parts anymore! Now, I’m gonna kick your ass for protectin’ his black ass and lyin’ to me!”

Bubba J shoves Gold into the bathroom, before pissing in the stall(while he holds Gold by the neck). Bubba J lifts him up in piledriver position.

“Swirly time you sorry piece of shit. Next time don’t lie to me!”

He shoves Gold’s head into the toilet and flushes. J walks out of the stall, finding Vincent Black there in the hallway(Gold is whimpering in the bathroom).

Vincent: “Swirly?”

Bubba J nods.

Vincent: “Hey, did you know Gordon showed up tonight?”

Bubba J looks a bit surprised.

Bubba J: “Really?…(he looks back towards the bathroom) Then the faggot wasn’t lying.”

He shrugs before yelling back at Gold.

“Tell Simon to quit running and I’m ready to kick his black ass into the longest hospital stay of his career.”

For answer Gold whimpers.

Bubba J: “Stop acting like this the first time you’ve ever had turds near yer mouth…”

Bubba J and Vincent walk off, Bubba J muttering while Vincent chuckles.

Bubba J: “Silly faggot, dicks are for chicks.”

*****Non Title Match*****
*****Legion versus Violet Harper*****

Jenny Jersey: The following match is a special non title grudge match!

The lights in the arena go to black and the heavy bass of ‘Inside’ by NiN kicks in over the sound system. Rising from a hole set in the middle of the stage is Legion, a backlight showing only his silhouette. The arena lights come back up and Legion is joined on stage by members of his congregation and they all make their way to the ring.

Jenny Jersey: Coming to the ring first, he hails from parts unknown and weighs in at 260 pounds…..Legion!!!

The dark prophet of the Church of Misery is greeted by nothing but boos, although a handful of wanna be goths kids give him the silent treatment so he’s got that goin’ for him.

Jenny Jersey: And his opponent…..

“Gasoline” by Audioslave hits the speakers and the crowd goes apeshit!

Jenny Jersey: She hails from Portsmouth, NH and weighs in at 139 pounds, she is the current REBEL Pro Aggression Champion…..Violet Harper!!!!

Linzi Martin: Why are you out here? I was doing fine by myself.

Batman: Management thinks there needs to be a dynamic you know. Bang! Pow! That sorta thing.
Violet slides into the ring, eyes Legion, smirks at him and unstraps the belt from around her waist. She hands the belt over to referee Alan Stone. Jenny quickly makes her way out of the ring and the referee calls for the bell!

Linzi Martin: Hmph. Well. Once again we had the odd assortment of misfits and freaks along with Legion.

Batman: I was thinkin’ of starting my own Church, for strictly tax purposes of course.

Linzi Martin: Uh yeah.

Legion and Harper circle each other. Legion lunges in and Harper sidesteps him landing a stiff side kick to the thigh of Legion. The big man again lunges for the smaller Harper and again takes another kick to the thigh that would make any MMA fighter envious. The freak know as ‘Piggy’ climbs up onto the ring apron and Harper spins around and drops him to the floor with a right hand! Legion takes advantage of this distraction to bury a knee into the back of Harper! Legion drops a big elbow across the back of the neck of Harper and then shoots her into the ropes. Harper ducks a clothesline and springboards off the middle rope and nails Legion with a crossbody! Legion catches her in midair and turns the move into a spinning side slam. Instead of going for a cover, Legion heads to the closest corner and pulls himself to the second turnbuckle. The big man takes flight with a splash but Harper rolls out of the way!

Batman: Big dudes should never takes to the air. It always ends badly.

Legion is scrambling back to his feet but Harper drops him with a shinning wizard! Harper goes for a cover but Legion shoves her off before the referee can even get into position. Harper rolls to the outside, stands up on the ring apron and waits as Legion pulls himself to his feet. Springboard seated senton from Harper! Instead of trying for a pin, Harper rains down right hands at the masked man until he shoves her off. Legion gets to his feet and takes a dropkick that send shim stumbling into the corner. Harper climbs up unto the second turnbuckle and prepares to start throwin’ punches again when she’s suddenly chuncked over the top rope by Legion! Harper lands hard on the outside and the dark prophet rolls to the floor.

Linzi Martin: The champ is out of her element on the floor! The more brutal this match becomes one would think legion would have the advantage!

Batman: You think she’s wearing any underwear?

Linzi Martin: You disgust me.

Harper is getting to her feet and eats a big boot from Legion! With Harper down, Legion turns his attention to hunting for plunder under the ring. He pulls out a ladder from under the ring and the crowd happily chants ‘We Want Ladders!’ Legion braces one end of the ladder on the ring apron and the other on the ring barricade. From nowhere Harper sails over the ladder, hooks the head of Legion and takes him to the floor with a tornado DDT! Harper wastes no time in asking for and receiving a chair from a ringside fan. Legion is getting back up and takes a chairshot across the back! The monster spins around and Harper lights him up with a sick chairshot to the head! Another! A third! Legion is on rubber legs as Harper tosses him the chair. Legion reflexively catches the chair and Harper dropkicks the chair back into his face!

Batman: Legion is getting beat like Rihanna on a date with Chris Brown!

Linzi Harper: The champ is showing just why she’s possibly the most dominant REBEL Aggression Champion ever!

Harper is trying to push Legion up onto the ladder but the big man drives an elbow to the back of her head. Legion shakes his head to clear the cobwebs and then grabs Harper and presses her above his head only to drop her throat first across the barricade! The referee is yelling for them to bring it back inside but he’s ignored as most REBEL referees are. Legion drags Harper off the floor only so that he can slam her hard back down onto the concrete! Legion picks up the dented chair, waits for Harper to pull herself up and cracks the chair across her back! Harper is quickly rolled onto the ladder by Legion and we see the freak Piggy suddenly crawl into the ring and climb to the top rope. When pigs fly! Piggy leaps off the top turnbuckle but Harper rolls off the ladder and Piggy smashes through it and crash lands on the floor!

Batman: And it’s free bacon for all!

Harper and Legion both roll into the ring as medics rush down to see if Piggy is even still alive. Harper takes a big right hand that stuns her and Legion shots her into the ropes. Side slam from Legion! Legion hooks the leg and gets a count of two from the referee. Legion reaches down to pull Harper up and she responds with a low blow! Legion drops to his knees as Harper rolls to the ring apron, gets up and starts to scale her way to the top turnbuckle. Legion is up and turns around in time to get hit with a moonsault from champ! Harper gets a two count before Legion shoves her off. Legion uses the ring ropes to pull himself up and Harper charges him. Legion quickly slaps a hand around the throat of Harper and takes her up for a chokeslam! Legion bounces Harper off the mat with a brutal chokeslam and she curls into the fetal position. Legion stands over her and reaches down to once again grab her. Harper springs into action, obviously playing possum, and locks Legion into a Omoplata crossface!

Batman: He’ll never tap.

Linzi Martin: I dunno the champ has it locked in tight!

Legion tries to pull both himself and Harper to the ropes but he can’t make it. Legion tapes out!

Batman: Ah shit!

Harper releases the hold and rolls out of the ring as the bell rings!

Jenny Jersey: The winner of this match….Violet Harper!!!!!!

Linzi Martin: Harper suckered Legion right into that submission hold and not even he could withstand the punishment!

Batman: I wonder if she’ll let me take a victory shower with her?

Linzi Martin: Get the hell out of here Marvin, and sober up.

Marvin Humperdink, err we mean Batman, gets up and frowns as he leaves the ringside area to the once again solo Linzi Martin.

*****WAR*****

Lisa Seldon: I am declaring war!

PuppetLisa: She loves declaring war.

Lisa declares war and pounds on Jeremy’s desk, causing him to scatter pretty much everything he has on the desk. In turn Anna giggles and kicks her feet up through the wreckage while Lisa stomps around the room.

Simon Kalis: Declaring war on who?

Simon Kalis steps through the door and is secretly sad that he isn’t suddenly the centre of attention. All eyes are still on Lisa, who spins around slaps Jeremy on the head for no apparent reason.

Lisa Seldon: I’m declaring war on everyone! Everything! I’m declaring war on Hardcore Entertainment and Mikey Massacre and his stupid fucking mullet and anyone else who decides I don’t adequately represent their vision of Rebel Pro. And Anyone, literally anyone who puts me in a situation where I have to wear sunglasses indoors like some kind of ridiculous Lazarusesque douchebag.

Simon Kalis: And so, you’re going to..?

Anna thursts her hand in the air, desperate to answer.

Anna Mathews: Stab him in the heart with a pair of scissors!

Lisa Seldon: Yes!

Lisa claps her hands together, causing Jeremy to jump again.

Lisa Seldon: I like that idea. I like it! And you know what I like about it most? The part about stabbing him in the heart with a pair of scissors!

Jeremy Gold stammers, doing his best to speak without really being heard as Lisa snatches up such a weapon and twists them worryingly between her fingers.

Jeremy Gold: You… you can’t just go around stabbing our guys in the heart. This isn’t Victory.

Lisa Seldon: Bullshit Jeremy, I can stab anyone I want!

A point she punctuates by plunging the scissors into the desk, complete oblivious to Jeremy’s hand getting in the way. He suddenly seems very pale.

Lisa Seldon: You!

She spins around to Kalis, having decided on him as the brains of the operation. Jeremy meanwhile emits a very horrible sound above a frequency audible to human ears. Both Travolta and Anna seem to perk up.

Lisa Seldon: Find us two people, any two people you don’t like, and then say goodbye to them. Because we’re coming back next week and we’re not leaving witnesses.

Lisa then pushes past Kalis back into the hall, making sure to shove whoever else happens to be in her way onto the floor. Kalis himself watches her go and Anna, still sitting at the desk, hands Jeremy a phone. He in turn squeaks into the receiver.

Jeremy Gold: Ambulance please. Quickly.

A second later he finally passes out.

Simon Kalis: Who wants cake?

*****REBEL Pro Tag Team Championship Match*****
*****Case Filed Rockets versus Hardcore Entertainment©*****

“Troublesome 96″ hits up in the speakers as from the back, to a mix of more boos than cheers comes the team of Justin Case and Rocky Logan, along with their handler Hugh Aredone.

Jenny Jersey: Introducing the challengers…, at a total combined weight of four hundred and ninety pounds; “The Millennium Game” Justin Case and “Wreckless” Rocky Logan, along with their manager Hugh Aredone… I give you… Case! Filed! Rockets!

Case and Rocky stand in the ring, leaning over and talking to Hugh Aredone as they both glance from time to time over at Styles Clash.

“Reign of Terror” hits up and the crowd explodes, highly unusual for these men, but the violence they are bringing back has the crowd in a frenzy. Bubba J and Vincent Black step from the back, wearing their belts over their shoulders and Black has on his mask from the promos; they stare at the crowd before glowering at Case Filed Rockets.

Jenny Jersey: Introducing the Rebel Pro Tag Team Champions, I give you at a total combined weight of five hundred and ninety-one pounds, the team of Bubba J and Vincent Black; (crowd along with her) Hardcore! Entertainment!

Black and J nod as they walk down to the ring, still glowering at their opponents before stepping into the ring and handing their belts off to Jenny Jersey.

Ding Ding

Collar and elbow lockup, Black shoving Case backwards, but here comes in Bubba J nailing Case in the back of the legs with a lead pipe as the weapons are broken out early in this one. This is Rebel and there are no rules, you’d do well to remember that. Here comes Rocky Logan with a big boot, sending Bubba J down to the canvas. J rolls up to his feet, Rocky sends him over with a clothesline, but J pulls him out along with him. Case nails Black in the knee with an elbow before shooting up with a double fist to the chin rocking the big man. Case presses his advantage with a roundhouse punch, following it up with a stomp to the side of Black’s knee for good measure. Case grinds his knuckles into Black’s fractured orbital bones before ripping the mask away and kicking him right in the face. J looks up as Black is bleeding early in this match.

Linzi Martin: The fans already get satiated with fresh blood on the canvas.

J looks up, Rocky nailing him with a boot to the face sends him spinning to the announce table. J grabs the television set there and here comes Rocky. J nails him right in the face, shattering the glass of the set and knocking Rocky out cold.

Bubba J: “Dey do that in MMA boy?!”

He stomps down on the now broken nose of Rocky before pulling him up and piledriving him onto the TV and after grabbing a steel chair he rolls back into the ring. Case is pounding away on Vincent’s busted up face, never seeing J roll back into the ring. J swings the chair, nailing Case in the back of the skull and as he falls forward, Black smiles sending him on over with a belly to belly suplex. Black and J fist bump before double teaming Case in the ropes. Black points to the corner, J whips him there before Black whips J into the corner. With a head of steam J nails Case with a double fist smashing forearm type of body splash(it ain’t pretty and even harder to describe); however very effective. Case begins to fall out of the corner, right as Black comes sailing through the air with a running knee to the side of his face. J leans over, Rocky nailing Black from behind with the steel chair from moments earlier. J turns around, chair right to the face sends J into the corner. Boot choke from Rocky has J struggling for breath.

Linzi Martin: Rocky with a breath taking swagger. Haha, get it?

Rocky: “They didn’t teach this to me in MMA either!”

Rocky uses a bit of reach and effort to begin pounding J in the face as he chokes the life out of him with his boot. Meanwhile Vincent is struggling back up to his feet, shaking the cobwebs out of his skull as Case nails him with a shoulder block to his bad knee. Black falls down and Case is there with a ground and pound technique and raining down fists onto the hurt side of Vincent’s face. Again in the corner Bubba J is turning beet red from the choke and struggling to get some purchase. Rocky is continuing to pound away and there goes Bubba J falling limp in the corner. Rocky looks down, right into a double uppercut into his little rocks! Logan’s eyes roll up into his skull and he crumples down to the canvas, narrowly avoiding Case pounding the hell out of Vincent. Bubba J climbs to the second turnbuckle, coming down with a double foot stomp right onto Rocky’s rocks and tossing him out of the way as he goes after Case. Justin rolls over, dropping down and flipping J over onto his back with some really cool move that looked really nifty. Case immediately turns, locking J’s head into a sleeper, trying to wear one down and let Rocky take care of the other. He looks over his shoulder and Rocky is still unmoving, thanks to that double foot stomp. But now Vincent is starting to move, all be it very slowly, but the big sumbitch is moving. Black to one knee, blood pouring from his nose and a trickle from the corner of his eye. However J has the mask of Vincent, nailing Case in the face with it knocking Case out cold. J tosses the mask to Vincent, who puts it back on reluctantly then J holds Case from behind as Vincent goes to nail him with his mask covered face.

Linzi Martin: I’d love to drink Black’s bath water…… Wait did I just say that out loud?

Rocky nails J in the balls in return, causing J to drop Case and receive the full force of Black’s headbutt instead. J looks wobbly on his feet, but from which shot we aren’t sure, or it could be both shots. Either way Rocky shoves him aside and comes to meet Vincent head on. Black with another headbutt attempt, but Rocky with a double leg takedown has Vincent on his back. Meanwhile Case is rolling back up to his feet, dragging Bubba J along with him and pulling his face across the second rope, spllitting his forehead, cheek, and pretty much his entire face; Case ends it with a multiple face smash into the top turnbuckle. Case spins J around, nailing him in the ribs with punch after punch before delivering stiff knees into his kidneys and an European uppercut for good measure. Hugh slides a chair into the ring as Case lifts J up onto the top turnbuckle, driving him face first into the chair, but unable to make the cover. Case rolls over, looking at Rocky pounding Vincent. For his part though, Vincent is firing back with Rocky, the two trading pretty much equal blows, enter in Justin Case to uneven up the odds. Case with a kick to the side of Black’s gets him and Rocky full advantage for the first time in the match.skull

Linzi Martin: And now Case Filed Rockets showing their domination.

Rocky whips Vincent into the ropes and as he comes back, Logan lifts him up, sending him down to meet Case who nails him with the code breaker. Case covers for the pin.

One!

Two!

Bubba J stomps on the back of his Millennium head before using the momentum to launch himself at Logan. The two men hang on the ropes for a second before the momentum carries them on over to the outside; Logan taking the force of the impact on his back. Here comes Hugh though to get Case to cover Black again, who still appears to be out cold.

One!

Two!

Vincent kicks out, fairly easy after the rest, but Case is pressing the advantage, along with his fingers into vincent’s hurt face(the damn saddistic person that Case is).

Linzi Martin: He’s showing just how much he wants this.

J whips Rocky into the railing before lifting him up and dropping his throat across the top of the railing. Hugh is cheering Justin on and never sees J come up behind him. Bubba J spins him around, nailing him right in the gut then completing the Trailer Park Trash and shoving two double birds into Hugh’s face. J looks over at Taboo and Chad flipping them off as well

before hurriedly stomping on the rising Rocky. Case is in Vincent’s face, but Black pulls him on through, sending him out of the ring and into Bubba J who stumbles into Rocky, who in turn drops him throat first across the railing. Black smiles and shrugs and as Case and Logan get up he launches himself over the top rope, swinging the chair at Rocky while lashing out with his feet/knees at Case and connecting.

Linzi Martin: Black is a wrecking ball, god damn.

Black pulls Rocky up, pounding him up against the ringpost then nailing him with a steel chair, denting the weapon and smearing it with blood. Bubba J is pulling himself up, holding a beer bottle in his right hand and as Case rolls back up, J cracks him across the face, splitting his lip, busting his nose, and cutting several cuts into his face/cheek. Case stumbles back, but Bubba J has the intentions on carving him up like a Thanksgiving turkey as he jabs, dashes, and all other sorts of slashing motions at Case who back peddles steadily. Logan with a kick catches Vincent off guard making him stumble back. Logan, pouring blood, presses his advantage. Black with a right, but Logan ducks under lifting Black up and sending him neck/back of the skull first onto the ring steps with a German suplex. Logan rolls onto his side, breathing heavily and spitting blood away from his mouth. On the other side of the ring now Case trips J up, sending him face first onto the broken neck of the bottle, causing a few more cuts(as though you could see them from the crimson mask already).

Linzi Martin: “I’m not sure Bubba J has fully recovered from the match against Vic Wagner and here he is in another match extremely quickly.

Case pounds his bloody face into the concrete before folding him up and nailing a cradle piledriver onto the concrete floor. Case, being unusually very hardcore, starts wrapping the electrical cables around the throat and neck of Bubba J, who seems to be unconscious against the ring. Case is bent over securing the cables as on the other side of the ring Logan is dropping the steps repeatedly onto Black’s face, who’s mask is now red with his blood as well as there seems to be quite a bit of blood on the ring steps as well. Hugh is starting to stir, but feebly falls back onto the floor as Logan rolls Vincent back into the ring. Logan lifts Black up, whip into the ropes. Black comes back, running boot, but Logan dives forward hitting a spear onto Black sending him back down to the canvas. Meanwhile The Show and Taboo are watching the match and discussing both teams as though making notes and preparing for all four men. Logan makes another cover.

One!

Two!

Thr

Vincent gets a shoulder up.

Linzi Martin: So close, this could be a turning point folks.

Logan can’t believe it and pulls Vincent up, his anger getting to him, the inexperienced Rebel Pro rookie. He whips Vincent back into the corner, spitting on him for good measure and humiliation. However, this has the opposite effect as Vincent seems to be awakened now. Black comes out with both fists going, connecting with left after right and right after left until Rocky is in the other corner. Vincent is looking like Rocky beating the hell out of all of his opponents and is damned if he is going to take any more offense from Rocky Logan in this match. Black is pounding his fists, knees, and everything in his aresonal into Logan in the corner. Black lifts Rocky up to the top turnbuckle when ther e is a loud flash and scream from right beneath him as he nails a superplex onto Logan.

~Fecal Beagle Re-watch~

J lifts a pair of wire cutters up, snipping the cords right there at his hands and sticking them to Justin’s balls sending the current through his nuts as the flash is loud and bright. Case is flung back from the impact and up against the railing now, his hands holding himself in obvious pain, that is if he was awake.

Linzi Martin: Yeah, that’ll do it.

~End of Feagle Beagle Re-watch~
j rolls back into the ring, shaking now after the current ran through his body as well and as we look back down, there is a small bottle of water opened and dripping water out of its mouth(he used it to enhance the shock to Justin Case). J pulls Black off of Rocky, nodding that they need to finish this. Black whips Rocky into the ropes and here comes Bubba J with a hellacious clothesline(called My Fucking Face).

Linzi Martin: That must’ve hurt his fucking face. Hah! I’m brilliant!

Vincent looks over at Case, who isn’t moving, lifting Rocky up…, bringing him down to finish the Elitest Drop(upside down New Hope into Trailer Park Trash). Black turns to keep a watch on Chad Kurtis, Taboo, and Justin Case as Bubba J makes the cover.

One!

Two!

Three!

Ding Ding Ding

Jenny Jersey: Winners of the match and STIIIIIIIILL Rebel Pro Tag Team Champions… Bubba J and Vincent Black… Hardcore Entertainment!

Vincent and Bubba J stand side by side, holding their belts up high as they stare at Taboo and Chad Kurtis, who are clapping up at them, but their main focus is on Justin Case and Rocky Logan. Justin and Rocky try to leave, but Taboo and Chad stand in the aisle blocking their exit and point to both Justin and to Rocky before pointing back to themselves indicating they still have to answer to them sooner rather than later as we fade to the REBEL Pro logo and out…

*****QUICK RESULTS*****

Bobby Lee defeats Jimmy Henderson, following an invasion force of Gray Aliens from the Zeti Reticuli star cluster.
Virgil Keenan defeats Loren Chill, and thus Chill remains the CJ Champion. We guess.
Jaice Wilds defeats Mikey Massacre in a major upset, and Mikey bashes things and people.
Jamie Flynn defeats J.T. Whiplash and somewhere someone shit their pants. We imagine.
Violet Harper defeats Legion because staring at her ass, how can we be miserable?
Hardcore Entertainment defeats Case Filed Rockets, and Style Clash puts everyone on notice.

*****Special Delivery*****

Meanwhile, outside of whatever the fuck arena Rebel’s gonna demolish this week, a tall figure holding a package walks towards the entrance. Strange looking bastard though. But then again, how couldn’t you get crazy looks and double takes when you have robot octopus arms and a really tiny head. And having three voices is rather confusing, don’t you think?

Top: Why the hell are we doing this again?

Middle: Because it’s a dramatic entrance.

Bottom: An ish much better than jus blowing it up.

A guard stops…them? It?

Top: Special delivery for *papers russle* a Mister Rupert,

Middle: Gold,

Bottom: Oar Kalis.

Top: Courtesy of a Trixie Von Vixen. Professor of Time, Space, and Lunacy. Munich, Germany.

The protective neanderthal tilts his head as if trying to figure out exactly how it said all that without moving its lips. The cold button eyes staring back seem to suggest that something isn’t quite right. A minute passes. Then he opens the door.

Guard: Whatever.

And our figure skips inside, nearly losing its balance but never dropping the package.

*****The Aftermath Edition*****

We fade into the office of our illustriously bisexual cocaine addled General Manager himself, Jeremy Gold. He’s sitting on his desk, kicking his feet around.

Jeremy Gold: With Simon at home nursing his injuries, it leaves the job of running REBEL Pro up to ME!

Rupert The Kangaroo puts his piece of celery down, and gives Gold a dirty look and hisses.

Jeremy Gold: Right. Us! US!

Rupert returns to munching his celery stalk and nods. Gold scratches his chin.

Rupert The Kangaroo: *Makes whatever noises Kangaroo’s make. I really should google that at some point so there’s something else to put here.*

Gold lights up, his eyes widen.

Jeremy Gold: YES! You’re brilliant Rupert!

Gold points at the camera in the office.

Jeremy Gold: As of this moment, Bobby Lee’s Curtain Jerker Championship title is OFFICIALLY recognized by REBEL Pro! His reign from whence he won, will be thrown into the history books! Retroactive and shit!

Rupert The Kangaroo: *noises and stuff*

Jeremy Gold: Nah, he won’t be mad. I think?

We fade into a fancy intro video for Aggression, with some heavy metal playing over it as pyros explode all over the arena.

Linzi Martin: Hello ladies and gentlemen! I’m Linzi Martin!

Batman: And I’m dunanunanuna BATMAN!

Linzi Martin: Hey Marvin Humperdink. I take it the head offices haven’t found a permanent replacement for Mikey yet, huh?

Batman: It’s a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it.

*****REBEL Pro Curtain Jerker Championship Match*****
*****Loren N. Chill versus Bobby Lee©*****

DING DING

Jenny Jersey: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and will be the for the REBEL Pro Curtain Jerker Championship!

The crowd reacts variously, some cheer, some holler, some are just flat out confused.

Linzi Martin: And how do you win a title like that?

The guitar & drums of “I Hear Voices” by Uriah Heap sound off inside of the arena, as the music hits full stride, Bobby Lee emerge from the entranceway. He has on full riot gear and his Curtain Jerker Championship securely strapped around his head and several Nerf guns attached to his Kevlar vest.

Linzi Martin: Oh no! It’s Chattanooga all over again!

Linzi hides under the announcer table.

Batman: Just when you thought Bobby Lee couldn’t get any more odd, Loren N. Chill pushes the right button and sends Bobby Lee’s paranoia into overdrive.

As Bobby Lee makes his way to the ring, the camera pans to an audience member holding up a sign that says, “Give Peace A Chance”, with the Vulcan hand greeting drawn on.

Jenny Jersey: Making his way to the ring, weighing in at 240 lbs., he hails from Miller’s Trailer Park — the Curtain Jerker Champion — Bobby Lee!!

Bobby Lee gets into the ring, back himself up into a corner and putting his full-body riot shield in front of him.

Jenny Jersey: And his opponent…

Batman: Here we go.

The REBELTron goes to static, the lights begin to dissolve on and off repeatedly, as “Faaip de Oiad” by Tool begins to creep into the arena.

Batman: What the fuck is that noise!?

The entire arena has their hands over their ears, Bobby Lee has since dropped his riot shield and is now cowering behind the apron on the far side of the ring from the entrance way.

As the song comes to a close, the entire arena is engulfed in pitch black.

Then, “Let Me Prey” by Van Helsing’s Curse begins playing throughout as the arena is now engulfed in red overhead lights, the REBELTron now displays alien-like symbols and images. As the lights over the entranceway come on we can see what appears to be a dozen black-robed Yautjas (Predators, for those of you who never read the comics), some with masks, some without.

Linzi Martin: Oh my gosh! Bobby was right! The Reticuli are real!

Linzi climbs back under the table.

### CENTURIES HAD PASSED ###
### AND THE WORLD HAD CHANGED ###
### BUT IT KNEW THEY HAD NOT ###

### FIRST THEY WOULD TRY TO FIGHT ###

### THEN THEY WOULD TRY TO RUN ###

### AND THEN THEY WOULD PRAY ###

The maniacal laughter that was once Patient 4479 can be heard echoing through the arena.

### “LET US PRAY” ###

### NO! ###

### LET ME PREY ###

The Yautjas make their way down the aisle in pairs and begin to circle around the ring. Bobby Lee tries to scramble for a new place to hide but quickly retreats back into the ring, snatching up his riot shield and cautiously watching all sides of the ring.

Then, at the top of the entrance appears two more Yautja, one of which is completely decked out with battle-ready armor.

Batman: Wow, Loren N. Chill is really selling tonight.

The two Yautja, Loren & Dennis, make their way down to the ring. Dennis gets down on all fours next to the ring apron and Loren uses his back as a step up. Once on the apron, Loren steps into the ring and the camera focuses on Bobby Lee who has appeared to literally soil his pants.

The bell sounds.

* DING * * DING * * DING *

As Loren approaches Bobby Lee, Bobby tries to jet back out of the ring but sees the Yautja on the outside of the ring and turns around, running into a stiff arm clothesline. Loren pulls Bobby up by his and begins pounding away at his forehead with his fist, backing Bobby up into the corner before Irish whipping him across the ring with authority.

As the turnbuckle slams into Bobby’s chest, Bobby begins to stumble backward, walking right into a side Russian leg sweep.

Batman: Cover!

1!

2!

Just before the referee comes down for the three-count, Loren pulls Bobby’s head and shoulders off the mat to stop the count. With Bobby on the ground, Loren pulls off the Yautja masks — both of them — and tosses them out into the crowd.

Linzi Martin: Loren really is the Reticuli second in command!

Batman: *face palm* [pause] Loren Chill, in control here during the early goings of this match-up. The mind games before the match really taking their toll on Bobby Lee’s psyche.

Loren slides out of the ring and heads over to where Jenny Jersey is sitting, shoving her to the ground and grabbing the chair under her, folding it up and sliding back into the ring with it. Walking over to Bobby Lee, he pulls him to his feet and hangs him upside down in the tree of woe. Taking the chair he brought into the ring, he lays it against Bobby’s face and takes off for the opposite corner.

With a head of steam, Loren delivers a dropkick to the chair. The chair falls flat on the mat and Bobby’s head is busted wide open. Loren unhooks him from the tree of woe and just lets Bobby flop to the mat as well. Picking Bobby back up from the mat, he shoves him back into the corner before mounting the second turnbuckle. Loren then reaches into one of the pockets of his Yautja utility belt and pulls out a pair of brass knuckles. Pounding his fists into Bobby’s head as the arena counts them off, as does Linzi Martin.

Linzi Martin: 1, 6, 4, 7, 2, 9, 3, 12, B, 10!

Batman: Close.

Loren, stepping aside to let Bobby stagger out of the corner, climbs to the third tier of the turnbuckle and turns around. Bobby still staggering, turns around and is on the receiving end of a flying head scissors that sends him skidding to the outside of the ring.

Batman: Bobby Lee better be careful on the outside of the ring with all of those “aliens”.

Loren slides under the bottom rope and quickly begins digging under the ring to find a kendo stick.

Batman: Wow, that was conveniently placed!

Bobby slowly gets to his feet just to be cracked in the skull with the kendo stick. Bobby back peddles to the ring steps, getting cracked in the head again, the kendo stick starting to split. Loren throws the stick down, grabs Bobby by his hair and slams Bobby’s face into the steps before throwing him back into the ring. Loren climbs up to the apron and waits.

Batman: Loren could be setting up for the J.O.Y!

Bobby, again, slow to his feet and as he turns around Loren slingshots onto the top rope and catches Bobby Lee with a 720 DDT onto the chair that still rests on the mat.

Batman: That move had to hurt Loren as much as it hurt Bobby as his hand is clutching underneath him at his back. Wait a minute!

The referee runs and slides across the mat and beings counting.

1!

2!

3!!

The referee quickly gets to his feet and calls for the bells as “I Hear Voices” by Uriah Heap plays throughout the arena.

Batman: What the fuck just happened here?

The REBELTron shows the reply as Loren comes off the top rope with the 720 DDT onto the chair, it shows him writhing in pain. It also shows, Loren with both shoulders on the mat with Bobby Lee’s arm still draped across Loren’s stomach.

Batman: Are you telling me…

Jenny Jersey: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner: BOBBY LEE!!

The referee helps Bobby Lee to his feet, holding his hand up in victory. The timekeeper brings the Curtain Jerker Championship and hands it into the ring. Bobby Lee seizes the belt and begins celebrating his conquering of the Reticuli. He goes from corner to corner, the referee following him as he celebrates. As Bobby comes down off the turnbuckle, the referee snatches the Curtain Jerker Championship title from Bobby Lee’s grasp.

Batman: This is not going to end well.

Bobby keeps telling the referee, “But I won!” and the referee keeps nodding his head but keeps walking towards Loren Chill who is now upright in the corner, still holding onto his back. The referee hands Loren the belt and then proceeds to push Bobby Lee away from Loren.

Batman: Bobby Lee is irate. Who would’ve thought that the Curtain Jerker Championship would EVER change hands, let alone in this fashion?

Bobby is in the aisle way now, pulling out his hair and screaming at the referee and the Reticuli still standing around the ring. Loren Chill holds the title up, looking at it with slight disgust before a smirk breaks from the corner of his mouth.

Batman: Oh, wait a minute… That sly fucking bastard!

Loren starts laughing to himself in the corner of the ring. Once Bobby Lee is out of sight, Loren exits the ring as “The Outsider [Apocalypse Mix]” by A Perfect Circle fills the arena, laughing, smiling and shaking his head all the way up the aisle.

Mikey Massacre: Folks, Loren N. Chill said this past week that all Bobby Lee needed to make it in this business was the right motivation — I think it’s safe to say, Bobby Lee now has the right motivation. Look out Rebel Pro!

Loren stands on top of the entrance ramp, holding the Curtain Jerker Championship high above his head as he disappears backstage.

*****Troublesome ‘11*****

” Troublesome ’96 ” by Tupac Shakur hits up on the P.A. and out steps REBEL PRO’s most talented trio. ” Case Filed Rockets ” make their way to the ring with eager intention. Once from within the ring, Case motions for a couple mics as the new ” Twin Towers of Professional Wrestling ” stand in the center of the ring. Their manager stands in the background. The music dies off.

Boos linger

” Wreckless ” Rocky Logan: Thank you for that warm welcome but You see, there are many reasons why we have asked for this time slot. So we can stand here all day and wait until you guys shut the hell up!! As the one and only was about to say, I know you all want to know why we are here. Its very simple really. After some deep soul searching, and some nice long walks on the beach. It finally hit us. WE R #1!

WRL pauses as more boos egnite

” TMG ” Justin Case proceeds to talk

“TMG” Justin Case: Thats right, Rock. And while we are offically the new number one contenders to the REBEL PRO Tag Team Championship Title belts, that only means that one team is in our talented way. There is only one team that now matters to us. As you could of guessed it, the team ” Hardcore Entertainment ” has now got our full attention. You see, they have what we want. They have what we need. They have what we can not do without. That is the tag team titles!

More boos

Rocky speaks

WRL: But you see, this is much more then just a couple of title belts. This is about the truth. And while we all need to find our own truths in our ways. There are a couple truths that we feel we need to bring to the fore front. Meaning that Hardcore Entertainment has got to face their own truth. In other words, Hardcore Entertainment has been coasting along all this time without having to face their fears. And in order to be the best. One must face his deepest fears. They have yet to even know their own fears. Until now….

” TMG ” proceeds

” TMG ” Justin Case: You see, until now Hardcore Entertainment thought they were on top of the world. But now, now its time for them to fall back down to earth! Its now time Hardcore Entertainment faces the truth. Its now time Bubba J and Vincent Black face their deepest fears!

What I mean is simple really. There are two very different, yet distant cousins, that are very dear to Black and Bubba. They need to be brought up. Because if not faced with and dealt with, these two factors can build up inside a person and cause serious, if not deadly, reactions. So without further adieu, I bring to you the two ” fear factors ” that Hardcore Entertainment will soon have to face. The first factor is Anger. The second factor is Forgiveness. These are the two ” fear factors ” that Vincent Black and Bubba J will soon have to deal with when its time to face the truth. And once the truth comes out, It will be those two ” Fear Factors ” that will present themselves in such ways that it will bring each man down to his knees!!

So we will end on this. Face your fears and face the truth but failure to egknowledge the truth will end in your bitter demise!

Justin Case U didnt know…..

WRL speaks

WRL: …..We R Simply Amazing!!

The three men then drop the mics as their theme music hits up and they exit the ring. And proceed into the backstage area, as we head to commercial break.

*****WHAT’S IN A FECAL BEAGLE?*****

The scene opens up to a tavern that looks similar to the Hardcore Drinking establishments we see plastered all over Rebel Pro these days. A man in blue-jeans and a plaid shirt approaches the bar, making his way past all kinds of hot chicks with only half their clothes on dancing with guys who are all buff and stuff. The man reaches the bar and begins waving down the bartender with his hand he says:

Man: Give me a

Fecal Beagle Sourmash!

The bartender turns around, the camera pans across the country where we see a fat, retired truck driver eating a can of corn. The next scene shows that same truck driver going to the restroom. When he flushes, the camera goes down the piping to what appears to be a plantation. A worker uses a net to remove the feces from the water and dumps it into a bin. The bin gets dumped into a pit where women walk around in a circle barefoot, smashing it down into liquid. The liquid is then pumped out into a keg and the keg is shipped out.

Returning to the bar, the bartender pulls the handle on the same keg and fills up a frosty mug with Fecal Beagle Sourmash! The patron takes a drink, smiles and looks into the camera.

Man: Now THAT tastes like shit!

Voice Over: Fecal Beagle Sourmash! Ask for it by name! — Now with every Fecal Beagle Sourmash you order, get a free beer coaster made of corrugated toilet paper that Loren N. Chill previously used to wipe his ass with!

*****Sexy Time Continues!*****

“Gasoline” by Audioslave hits the sound system as Violet Harper comes out from backstage to a roaring crowd, very much happy with their second-tier champion and what she had to do to keep her title. Violet is banged up quite a bit from last week’s match, but she still has her gorgeous smile and a smoking body. She makes it to the ring as “Gasoline” dies down, and Violet takes a mic offered up from Jenny Jersey.

VIOLET HARPER: WHAT’S UP WEST VIRGINIA?!

The crowd explodes again, and she’s filled with smiles and probably candy.

VIOLET HARPER: The better Virginia that’s for sure!

But probably not.

VIOLET HARPER: You know last week was probably one of the toughest matches of my short career and JT Whiplash took me to my limit and tested me in every way possible. He should get a boatload of credit for his efforts at Prove Your Worth!, which despite his loss I think he proved it a few times over don’t you folks?

The crowd cheers, a “WHIP-LASH” chant breaking out. Violet is still all smiles.

VIOLET HARPER: Moving along then! I need a new challenger! Now, I heard that Jaice Wilds thinks he’s just going to make himself the number one contender to my belt. Sure, Jaice, I suppose you could do that but it really falls on what Simon Kalis has in store for me. I’ve already beaten you before in singles competition; I defeated you, Case, and Legion in the TLC match. But, you want to come at me a third time, because you think it’s a charm? It’s only going to get you your third ass-kicking by me, Jaice. You got lucky at PYW when Panzadise interfered in your match and gave you the win against Lucious Starr. You got lucky you still have a career. Quite frankly I don’t think you’ve earned a shot at my belt!

LINZI MARTIN: She’s so right!

The crowd agrees.

VIOLET HARPER: But I’ll tell you what, Jaice. Your match is coming up next. I’m going to take a seat next to my hot friend Linzi Martin over there and keep a close eye on what you do inside this ring. If you can prove to me tonight that you have what it takes to be the number one contender to my Awesome Championship by beating Virgil Keenan decisively, then you’ll get your wish. Of course, this is all barring Simon Kalis’ approval. It’s his show, babe.

Violet hands the mic back over to Jenny Jersey, and climbs out of the ring with the Aggression Championship over her shoulder. She grabs a chair and sits down next to Linzi Martin, who’s just shocked as all hell that her sexy crush is so close to her. Jenny Jersey starts making the announcements for the next match.

*****Jaice Wilds versus Virgil Keenan*****

They immediately rush each other and clash in the middle of the ring. Virgil with a right, Jaice with a left. Virgil sends out an elbow that catches poor Wilds square in the chin, twisting his head around. Wilds stumbles back but lashes out with a stiff kick to the gut of Virgil Keenan. Wilds bounces off the ropes with a springboard back elbow, and catches Virgil square in the face. Virgil spins around and then keels forward, Wilds with a spinning DDT out of no where crushes Keenans face against the canvas. Jaice Wilds decides to go for a quick cover.

1!

Batman: Crikey this is exciting.

2!!

Violet Harper: I thought you were Batman not the Crocodile Hunter.

KICK OUT!

Linzi Martin: I thought all Australians said crikey.

Keenan kicks out at the two, and throws the much smaller Jaice Wilds off of him. Keenan back to his feet and grabs Jaice as Wilds gets to his, hammerlock DDT takes Jaice Wilds down and clean. Keenan back up, as Jaice wilds sits up and holds his head feeling groggy. Keenan with a lariat to the seated Wilds! The crowd cheers the fighters on, hoping for more violence and more blood we imagine.

Batman: Gee wilikers Violet, one of these guys could be your opponent in the very near future! How’s that make you feel?

Wilds spins around on his back, flipping himself back onto his feet and then with a jumping clothesline takes down Virgil.

Violet Harper: Sure, it doesn’t really matter to me either way sweety. I’ve proven to Jaice twice I can take him down.

Virgil rolls out of the ring and to the outside, and is a bit slow to get up. Jaice Wilds hops up onto the top rope and then springboards himself off with a spectacular cross body splash. Jaice Wilds unleashes a fury of lefts and rights on the downed Keenan before getting to his feet and climbing up onto the apron. He hops onto the ropes and goes for an asai moonsault… Virgil catches him! PILEDRIVER ONTO THE GROUND! The crowd loves it! Wilds holds his neck in pain, his feet kicking the ground.

Linzi Martin: Oh, Jaice might be hurt there.

Batman: So what, you don’t worry about Virgil Keenan?

Keenan lifts Wilds up to his feet by his neck, cracking his elbow down across the back of Jaice’s neck before whipping him shoulder first into the steel steps. Jaice hit’s the steel and flips over, landing hard on the other side.

Violet Harper: He’s certainly interesting but he’s got a lot to prove yet.

Linzi Martin: Jaice looks hurt.

Jaice crawls away, or tries to. Virgil comes up behind him and lifts off the top half of the steel steps and raises them over his head. He launches it down at Jaice but Jaice rolls out of the way right in time. Jaice leaps up to his feet, spinning neck breaker on Virgil! Both men are on the outside of the ring, breathing hard. Jaice is up first, and grabs Virgil and throws him into the ring. Jaice slides in but out of no where, Virgil grabs him and pins him with a school boy!

1!

2!!

THREE-KICK OUT! Jaice kicks out JUST before the 3!

Virgil uses the referees help to pull himself to his feet, and by help we mean he grabs onto the referee and uses him as leverage. Jaice rushes forward. A Superkick neck breaker! But Virgil throws the referee in and lets him take the full force of the move, knocking him down and out! Jaice looks worried as he checks up on the referee, but Virgil Keenan turns and stalks him.

Violet Harper: Well this looks fun.

Linzi Martin: Not as fun as being here with you sexy.

Violet Harper: Aw, you’re so sweet.

Batman: I… err… My batdick senses are tingling.

Linzi Martin: MARVIN!

Violet Harper: Hahaha.

Batman: Errr… Hmm.

As Jaice gets back up and turns around, he runs right into the Burning Hammer from Virgil Keenan! The crowd jumps to their feet, Virgil covers!

1!

2!!

3!!!!

Except Virgil was the one slapping the canvas with his free hand. He lets go of Jaice and begins slapping the referee around to get him awake. Jaice meanwhile rolls out of the ring and shoves that top half of the steel steps into the ring, quickly moving to get back into the ring. Virgil turns around and shakes his head, as if he’s going to be caught off guard by something like this. Jaice is still wobbly after the Burning Hammer too. Virgil grapples him, Tiger suplex into a pin!!!

…

…….

The referee is finally awake.

1!

2!!

KICK OUT! JAICE WILDS KICKS OUT!

Violet Harper: Well I’ll be!

Linzi Martin: With me?!

Violet Harper: Oh you’re a slick one.

Batman: *odd hand movements*

Virgil shakes his head as both men get to their feet. Jaice is still a bit wobbly. Virgil grapples him again but this time Jaice swings himself around, jumping Russian leg sweep onto the steel steps!!! Jaice quickly gets to the corner and heads to the top turnbuckle. AERIAL ACE!!! He covers Virgil!

1!

2!!

3!!!

DING DING DING

Violet Harper: Well damn, lots of screw jobs going around these days huh? Poor Virgil.

Linzi Martin: Not enough if you ask me. Hehe.

Batman: I am NOT a virgin!

Jenny Jersey: The winner of this match… JAICE WILDS!!!

Jaice has his hand raised by the referee then looks over the top rope to yell out to Violet Harper. Jaice makes title motions with his hands over his waist.

Violet Harper: Oh look the little man wants things. What he should be doing is paying attention to the guy who should’ve won, behind him.

Violet points to Jaice, but actually to Virgin who stands much taller than Jaice. Virgil has the steel steps back in his hands and slams them down across the back of Jaice Wilds neck. Jaice flips over the top rope and onto the outside.

Linzi Martin: Isn’t Violet awesome? Always right about everything.

Violet Harper: We should do this again some other time.

Virgil hoists the steel steps up onto the top turnbuckle and climbs up to the middle ropes. Jaice Wilds turns himself over onto his back and looks up in shock. Violet stands up and nods, perhaps impressed, as Virgil chucks the heavy steel steps off the top rope and right onto Jaice Wilds. Virgil then looks at Violet and just nods, as Violet smiles and slaps the hands of fans as she makes her way backstage.

*****The Truth Shall Make You Bleed*****

An unmasked Taboo and “The Show” Chad Kurtis are backstage. They’re dressed in business casual clothing, since they aren’t wrestling tonight. Taboo looks into the camera while Kurtis stands behind him.

TABOO: Case, Logan… you know, Chad and I know, everyone in this arena tonight, everyone in the arena last week, and everyone watching on television knows you only won your match because the referee didn’t see my arm draped over Logan’s body. It was luck, pure and simple. Sure, up until the point, you two were going toe-to-toe with Style Clash, but the winner wasn’t determined by skill. No, no!

KURTIS: That’s right, Allen. Style Clash was robbed, but we’re not two to sit around and and bitch and moan about this decision or that. The ref easily could’ve seen Taboo first and the match would’ve turned out otherwise. All we can do is control the future and that’s what we’re here to do! Justin Case, Rocky Logan. We know you have your eyes set on Hardcore Entertainment, and you should! But when that dust has settled, Style Clash wants the Case Filed Rockets ONE MORE TIME! If you have the straps, then put up and put ‘em on the line. If you don’t have the straps, then Style Clash just wants an opportunity to show the world that we ARE the best tag team in this company and what happened last week was happenstance!

TABOO: What do you say, fellas? Speak it over with that fat fuck Hugh Aredone and get back to us.

*****The Reawakening*****

A video begins playing on the big screen inside the arena as we fade from view from Taboo and Kurtis. It shows a young lady and her mother shopping in an upscale mall, both seem quite unaware that there is a camera following them. For those familiar with the NAPW, you just might recognize these two as Taboo’s ex-wife and daughter. An unrecognizable yet still somewhat familiar voice begins to speak.

Voice: Taboo, I’m coming back. And I must thank you. You see, I walked away from this sport a few months ago because I just didn’t care anymore. I had lost the drive to keep going.

The two woman leave a clothing store each holding several shopping bags. Both still blissfully ignorant to the potential danger they’re in.

Voice: Seeing you again has re-awoken the demon inside me. Re-awoken the passion I once had for this game we play.

The two women are walking towards a small bistro inside the mall. They take there seats and each order’s a mineral water while they look over the menu.

Voice: Taboo, you and I are forever linked, our fates forever entwined. You were there at the beginnings of my journey. And I will be there to end yours.

The camera zooms in for a close up of the younger of the two women.

Voice: She is pretty isn’t she Taboo? The best qualities from mother and father combined with youthful innocence. One day she may even forgive you for choosing this sport over her. But she will never forgive you for bringing me into her life.

The camera starts moving towards her as it cuts to black.

*****What Makes a REBEL?*****

“All Right Now” by Free cues up and Mikey Massacre emerges from the curtain. The fans greet him with mostly boos. He tells them to relax, that he will explain everything, but they aren’t listening. He rolls his eyes at them and rolls into the ring, a microphone in his hand. His music cuts.

MIKEY MASSACRE: Alright, alright, everyone. Relax. I think I’ve earned the right to explain myself, haven’t I?

Boos.

MIKEY MASSACRE: Over three years in this company and… this is how I am treated?

Boos.

MIKEY MASSACRE: Well, maybe after I explain myself, you’ll see things from my perspective. Look, I know I went a little overboard. I hear Lisa’s eye is hurt real bad… and that’s unfortunate. It’s not really her fault. She was the recipient of a lot of anger. Anger that was somewhat misplaced. So, for that, I apologize.

Less boos, but now with a LISA SELDON chant.

MIKEY MASSACRE: But for the past year, I’ve been sitting at that announce table, having to watch the promotion I created, the promotion that was built with my sweat, my blood and with years off of my life…

He looks around.

MIKEY MASSACRE: It has turned to shit!

MIKEY MASSACRE: Bubba and Vinny, they make their points about REBEL Pro having gone soft, and I appreciate what they have to say. In some ways, they are right. But it is much more than that. Those two hillbillies aren’t smart enough to know what REBEL really needs. Where things really went wrong. REBEL Pro… has sold out. And you know what? I’m not the only one who thinks so!

The fans boo more. They love the REBEL Pro of today.

MIKEY MASSACRE: And you know what? Look around. If the person next to you is booing me, and doesn’t believe that Simon Kalis has ruined this promotion, that the days of Rob Martinez and Gordon were the good old days, the golden age… then that person next to you has sold out too.

The fans boo him as LISA SELDON and BUBBA VINNY BUBBA VINNY chants erupt.

MIKEY MASSACRE: Oh, come on, give me five minutes of your time!

Nope.

MIKEY MASSACRE: Dammit! I’m Mikey FUCKING Massacre! I built this fucking place! I gave you shelter! I gave all of you a place to call home because you were unsatisfied in your everyday nine-to-five lives! Dammit, you selfish pricks… I gave you all a REASON to LIVE!

MIKEY MASSACRE: You treat me like this? FUCK YOU! I’M OUT!

The fans continue to boo as some trash is thrown in the ring. Mikey looks out, incredibly angry, in disbelief that he is being treated like this. He climbs up the turnbuckle and gives the dual salute before jumping off and leaving the ring. He gives the finger to the more vocal of his detractors as he leaves to “Heavy Metal Machine” by Smashing Pumpkins

*****Grudge Match****
*****Vicious Vic Wagner(PWA) versus Bubba J(REBEL)*****

DING DING DING

Batman: There’s the bell, and we are underway…

Linzi Martin: This might be a week late, but it’s better late than never!

Bubba J and Vic Wagner immediately walk up to each other in the center of the ring, getting nose to nose with smack-talk as referee Jimmy Johnson tries to step in between them. Wagner shoves away the referee as Bubba J then tosses the referee over the top rope as the two men start tagging each other with lefts and rights as the crowd is on their feet.

Batman: They’re not wasting any time here early on!

Linzi Martin: Let’s get it on, boys!

As the fans are on their feet, Bubba J starts to get the upper hand with some hard punches to the face of Vic Wagner as he whips Wagner into the ropes, only for Wagner to reverse it and as Wagner tries to telegraph it into a back-drop, Bubba J counters with a hard kick to the face.

Batman: We’re not going to see a whole lot of catch-as-catch can wrestling here… this is going to be an all-out fight!

Linzi Martin: If you’re a wrestling purist, this won’t be your type of match!

Bubba J then catches Wagner with a DDT following the kick to the face. Bubba J then digs into his jeans pocket and pulls out a fork. He then proceeds to dig it into the forehead of Vic Wagner, carving a double “R” into his forehead.

Batman: WHOA! Bubba J not wasting ANY time breaking out the weaponry here…

Linzi Martin: This could get really ugly, really quick.

Bubba J then finishes carving into the now bloody forehead of Vic Wagner. He then turns his back on Wagner to play to the fans, only to get met by a Roaring Elbow Smash from Wagner, right to Bubba J’s face. A stunned Bubba J then gets caught with a textbook Butterfly Suplex by Wagner before Wagner goes to apply a Rear Naked Choke. Bubba J, upon being locked in the submission hold, gets a crazed look in his eyes as he slowly gets to his feet with Vic Wagner in a piggy-back position as Bubba J rams Wagner back-first into the turnbuckles.

Batman: I know Bubba J’s not big on “wrestling”, per se… but one has to be impressed with the counter he just came up with to avoid the submission there!

Linzi Martin: Even with that counter, he’s still having to catch his breath.

As Bubba J drops to one knee to catch his breath for a moment, Vic Wagner rolls down to the arena floor, clutching at his back. Bubba J finally rolls to the outside and reaches under the ring to pull out a pair of brass knuckles with thumb-tacks on the left hand and broken glass on the right hand as he holds them up in the air for a moment, before charging Vic with a Lou Thesz Press, tagging him with lefts and rights, leaving Wagner a bloody mess.

Batman: DAMN! Wagner is going to be feeling THOSE punches in the morning…

Linzi Martin: That’s just sadistic right there!

Bubba J then jumps off of Wagner and spits on him as he reaches under the ring again, looking for something as he finally pulls out a barbed-wire-wrapped hangman’s noose. He then proceeds to wrap it around Wagner’s neck as Bubba J gets back in the ring with Wagner still on the outside as he starts to pulls back on the rope and attempt to hang Wagner as he laughs sadistically at Wagner bleeding around the neck and flailing his arms to try and avoid being hung.

Batman: Now that gives new meaning to the expression “hanging someone out to dry”…

Linzi Martin: Or to bleed in the case of Vic Wagner.

As Bubba J releases the noose, a few fans chant “WE WANT BLOOD! WE WANT BLOOD!” as Bubba J shouts back “Well, you’re gittin’ it!”

Batman: And a few rocket scientists in the crowd chanting for blood…

Linzi Martin: I think the results of their IQ test probably came back negative.

As Bubba J plays to the fans, it gives time for Vic Wagner to get to one knee on the outside. Bubba J then goes outside and charges Wagner, but gets caught with a drop-toe hold into the near-by time-keeper’s chair, busting open Bubba J in the process.

Batman: Well, that certainly back-fired for Bubba J!

Linzi Martin: And now… Vic Wagner goes on the offensive!

Wagner then picks up Bubba J for some Trapping Headbutts to open his wound even further, and after a series of those, he does an over-head belly-to-belly suplex to Bubba J. An infuriated Wagner then removes the protective mats from ring-side and picks up Bubba J for a Cradle Piledriver, drilling him head-first into the concrete as the fans collective gasp in horror.

Batman: Vic Wagner is not just out to win this match, he’s out to cripple Bubba J!

Linzi Martin: Thank you, Captain Obvious!

Wagner then picks up a practically dead-weight Bubba J and pushes him back into the ring as he goes for a pin-fall as referee Jimmy Johnson goes to make the count.

Batman: Here’s the first pin-fall attempt of the match…

One…

Two…

Linzi Martin: Bubba J manages to kick out at two and a half!

Wagner then proceeds to stomp on Bubba J before he picks him up from behind and crosses his arms for a Straight Jacket Suplex, which he delivers to perfection as he holds onto the arms for another pinning predicament.

Batman: Once again, Wagner tries to go for the pin….

One…

Two…

Linzi Martin: No! STILL not enough to keep Bubba J down!

Wagner then drags a nearly lifeless Bubba J to the center of the ring and motions “It’s Over!” as he goes to climb the top rope, but on his way up to the top rope, Bubba J wobbily gets to his feet and desperately falls back into the ropes, crotching Wagner as Bubba J goes up top and hits a Top Rope Superplex as both men are now down for the ten count.

Batman: Both men are now down and referee Jimmy Johnson is administering his ten count!

One!

Two!

Three!

Linzi Martin: Neither man is stirring as of yet…

Four!

Five!

Batman: It looks like Bubba J is starting to stir!

Six!

Linzi Martin: Still no signs of life from Wagner…

Seven!

Batman: Bubba J gets back to his feet and manages to picks up Vic Wagner as this match continues!

Bubba J then delivers a short-arm clothesline to Wagner, turning him inside out as Bubba J then goes back to the outside, searching under the ring again.

Linzi Martin: What could he be looking for NOW?

Bubba J then starts to roll whiskey and beer bottles inside the confides of the ring as the fans buzz in anticipation of what might be coming.

Batman: This could be interesting…

Bubba J then picks Wagner back up, whipping him into the ropes, and delivering a nasty spine-buster right onto the beer and whiskey bottles as the crowd explodes into a “RE-BEL PRO! RE-BEL PRO!” chant.

Linzi Martin: DEAR GOD! That was BRUTAL!

As Bubba J gets back to his feet, he then once again goes back under the ring briefly to pull out some lighter fluid, a lighter, and a pack of cigarettes.

Batman: I’m not sure I want to know what Bubba J is about to do right now!

Bubba J then pours the lighter fluid down the front of a barely conscious Vic Wagner’s trunks. He then lights up his lighter and proceeds to light the genitals of Vic Wagner on fire as Bubba J laughs sadistically and proceeds to smoke a cigarette as referee Jimmy Johnson quickly grabs a bottle of water and douses out the flames, leaving Wagner holding his groin area in a world of hurt.

Linzi Martin: HOLY SHIT! I can’t believe Bubba J just did that!

Batman: And to top it all off… the guy is smoking a cigarette watching Vic Wagner’s balls being “roasted”!

Bubba J then finishes smoking his cigarette as Wagner keeps holding his genitals in pain. Finally, Bubba J ambles back over toward Wagner, but is met with a desperation eye rake as Wagner struggles to his feet, wincing in pain. Wagner then levels Bubba J with a discus clothesline as Wagner continues to clutch his nether-regions in pain. When Bubba J gets back to his feet, Wagner catches him with a chop block and proceeds to kick the crap out of Bubba J’s left knee. A furious Wagner then drags the legs of Bubba J into the ring-post as he then goes to the outside of the ring, hooking on a ring-post figure four leg-lock on Bubba J as he holds on to it as long as possible before finally releasing the hold.

Linzi Martin: It looks like even with his man-hood burnt, Vic Wagner has fought back and now has Bubba J reeling in pain!

Wagner then drags a couple of chairs into ring-side as he threads one chair around Bubba J’s left knee and then proceeds to smash Bubba J’s knee with the other chair three times before throwing the chair down in disgust on Bubba J’s knee. Wagner then proceeds to lock a clearly injured Bubba J in an elevated single leg crab as Bubba J screams out in pain.

Batman: Wagner has just zeroed in on that injured left knee and seems to be hell-bent on CRIPPLING Bubba J tonight!

Linzi Martin: Bubba J’s in a BAD, BAD way right now…

Bubba J starts trying to fight the hold as he desperately moves toward the ropes, fighting, scratching, and clawing for them with every last ounce of strength left in him as he finally reaches the ropes. Wagner then drags an almost unconscious Bubba J to the center of the ring and once again tries to go for a top rope move. As he balances himself, he goes for a Top Rope Guillotine Legdrop, but there is no water in the pool as Bubba J rolls out of the way at the last possible second.

Batman: Wagner missed it! He missed the leg-drop!

Linzi Martin: And now Bubba J has a new lease on life… but is that leg too damaged for him to capitalize?

Bubba J struggles to his feet and manages to pick up Vic Wagner and drop him with a Front Suplex onto one of the chairs left in the ring. This allows Bubba J to go back to the outside of the ring and pull a few more toys, of sorts, out from under the ring. This time, he pulls out a glass bottle, barbed-wire, and light-tube covered table and what appears to be a purple double-ended dildo wrapped in barbed wire.

Batman: I believe that purple double-ended dildo wrapped in barbed-wire is a tribute to Krusty Kid Paul!

Linzi Martin: That’s MY dild-errrm… never mind…

Bubba J then limps over toward Wagner and starts scraping his mouth out with that barbed-wire wrapped double-ended dildo as Wagner screams out in pain. Bubba J then tosses the dildo in the direction of Batman and begins to set up the specialty table inside the ring. But Bubba J wags his finger to indicate that he’s not done as he then pulls out a 15-foot ladder and sets it up inside the ring as he slowly starts to climb up the ladder. But Wagner is also climbing the ladder as both men start tagging each other with elbow strikes on the the ladder with the crowd cheering every time Bubba J hits Wagner, and booing when Wagner hits Bubba J. Eventually, Bubba J gets the upper hand, holds Wagner in position for a Fallaway Slam, but falls forward with a big body splash through the table as both men are a bloody mess and the fans are chanting. “HO-LY SHIT! HO-LY SHIT! HO-LY SHIT!”

Batman: HOLY SHIT IS RIGHT! This looks like a car wreck…

Linzi Martin: When you put two guys who hate each other in a ring with a ladder and a glass and barbed-wire covered table… the results will be MESSY, BABY!

Bubba J then crawls to his hands and knees, shaking his head causing blood to fly from his various facial lacerations and he starts to cough up blood. But eventually, Bubba J gets back up to his feet and reaches under the ring one last time to pull out a set of thumb-tack covered football shoulder pads.

Batman: I’m not sure I want to know what is about to go down here…

Bubba J straps on the shoulder pads, weakly picks up Wagner, and delivers a Trailer Park Trash (Stunner) onto the shoulder pads as Wagner goes down in a bloody heap, but Bubba J falls on his back too in exhaustion.

Linzi Martin: Trailer Park Trash! But Bubba J is down as well!

Batman: COVER HIM, BUBBA! COVER HIM NOW!

Bubba J weakly manages to cover Vic Wagner as referee Jimmy Johnson makes the count.

Linzi Martin: Here’s the cover…

One…

Two…

Three…

Batman: He got hi-

Linzi Martin: NO! WAGNER BARELY GETS THE SHOULDER UP!

Bubba breathes heavily, looking over at Wagner in utter disbelief as he pulls himself to his feet. Vic gets to his feet too after a short while. Bubba goes back on the attack, but Vic moves himself out of the way and it sends Bubba right into the corner turnbuckle. Vic grabs Bubba from behind, smashing his head repeatedly against the turnbuckle before taking him up top.

Batman: Bang! Pow! KABLAM It looks like Vic might be taking Bubba up for that Gallows Humour thing he does.

Linzi Martin: Don’t ever make sound effects again, please.

Vic seems to be setting Bubba up but Bubba cracks Vic across the face with a stiff right. Two middle fingers for his trouble! Bubba throws himself off the middle turnbuckle, but as he goes down he grabs Vic by the neck! TRAILER PARK TRASH OFF THE MIDDLE ROPES! Vic bounces up, then hit’s the canvas. Bubba throws himself over Vic one more time.

1!

2!!

3!!!

Linzi Martin: Oh, shit.

DING DING DING

Jenny Jersey: The winner of this match… BUBBA J!

Bubba has no time to celebrate at all, as out from the back comes Legion! Mammon and Piggy are with him, and they don’t look like they’re coming out to congratulate Bubba either.

Batman: By Zeus! This looks like trouble, Linzi!

Linzi Martin: No shit. And, what the fuck is in Legions hand?! Is that a gas canister?!

Legion slides into the ring, Mammon and Piggy with him as Wagner takes this opportune moment to get out of the ring. It took everything out of Bubba to beat Wagner, and it doesn’t help that Piggy wraps a thick chain around Bubbas neck and hoists him up to his knees. Mammon stomps down onto Bubba’s chest and legs as Legion begins pouring gasoline all over Bubba J.

Batman: Gee wilikers Bubba is about to get BBQ’d.

Legion strikes a match as Mammon and Piggy back up, Bubba keels forward choking. But!

Linzi Martin: It’s Vincent Black! Vincent Black to the rescue!!

Vincent comes running from the back and grabs the two ends of the chains and pulls Bubba out of the ring by his noose. He takes the chains off of Bubba and helps him up. Legion shakes his head and scoffs at this as Bubba is helped backstage.

Batman: And Vinny with the rescue!

Linzi Martin: I said that already.

Batman: But I’m Batman.

Linzi Martin: No, you’re not. But we’re out of time folks. God damn if Legion isn’t one scary looking guy. Though… Depending how he looks under that mask, I could see myself as his personal breeder. If you get my meaning.

Batman: Oh my.

Linzi Martin: For uhm, Marvin Humperdink!

Batman: BATMAN!

Linzi Martin: I’m Linzi Martin! See you next week!

We fade out to one last shot of Legion, Piggy and Mammon in the ring as Legion points directly to Bubba J.

*****Electric Bugaloo!*****

Hey, remember that strange thingamajig with that uber sleek package? Turns out it invited itself into the only office you actually have in this bitch which at this moment, seems to be empty. You would’ve totally figured that out if you people actually watch the skits. Duh. After nearly tripping over themselves, they finally notice the cameradouche that’s been following the entire time. The robotic arms shed the trenchcoat.

PuppetLisa: Told you this place was a dump.

Sparkle: Needs a good scrubbing.

Anna Mathews: Ai kinda like it.

If either of the other two actually had movable features, they be making the “WTF?” face. Regardless, the Seldontastic Doppelganger starts to measure the room while mumbling something about “stupid RealLisa” and “selling out as lapdogs”. The Totally Real Title retracts her claws and joins in. Anna pulls out three cakes from the box before sitting them down gingerly on the desks. Triple chocolate, red velvet, and pineapple upside down. Yum.

Anna Mathews: We’re savin ReelLisa’s lyef bi mesuring everything so’s she doesn’t stumble on anny fing.

PuppetLisa: Like you’d ever do that for me.

The human sits on a certain boss-as- leather overlord chair and twirls.

Anna Mathews: Nao dat’s nawt tru. I’d do it in a heartbeat. But Lisa needs the help after the stoopid old Rebel shmucks got 2 her. Dunno wat teh deal is anyhow. She’s their champ!

Sparkle: Perhaps she doesn’t bleed enough for certification.

Her head instashakes at the notion.

Anna Mathews: She could cover hurrself with pigs und they still won’t be happy.

The Puppet withdraws her measuring tape.

PuppetLisa: Twenty smurfs by fifty smurfs. And you don’t have to lie. We know the real reason why you’re here.

Sparkle: You want to nurse your Simon back to health.

The twirling stops as the “not impressed” face starts.

Anna Mathews: Ish not true.

Her sidekicks, knowing better, snicker. They also sing a little song. You know the type. Anna and Simon in a tree! – - – -I-N…is that a brick?

PuppetLisa: OW! Bitch.

Fast cut to the Queen of the Dodos and her mighty brickzooka. She smirks.

Anna Mathews: Joo deserved it.

PuppetLisa: She was singing it too!

Brick to the faceplate.

Sparkle: Ouch! So was he!

The hunter’s head whips towards the cameraman. He innocence. Boom! Brick to the balls. The scene slowly…moves…down with a whimper.

Anna Mathews: Gawd. They don’t make cameramen lyke they used ta.

With that, we fade to the REBEL Pro logo.

*****QUICK RESULTS*****

Bobby Lee defeats Loren N. Chill, thus making Chill the 2^nd Curtain Jerker Champ in history.
Jaice Wilds defeats Virgil Keenan, and both men find themselves with Sexy Time Blues
Bubba J defeats Vicious Vic Wagner in the match of the eon, because fuck Phoenix that’s why.

*****Aliens, Russia & The FDA*****

“I know their base of operation is around…”

He screams as he looks at a 50 gallon drum marked “Popcorn Butter” Running away, he trips and a bag of kernels falls on him, causing him to scream in even more pain and fear.

“Please no Mr. Doofler Zenaboli… I’m only doing as ordered by the voices in my head.”

He begins to whimper as he notices his aluminium helmet laying ten feet from him.

“Please….”

He screams even louder, his hands flying up to his head.

“I just want… I just want…”

Something causes the barrel to tip over, dousing him in popcorn butter and his screams die away into whimpers.

“I’ve lost any of my strength now, but I vow revenge against the Zeti Reticuli! I will take you down with the plans that the Russian Government are using to destroy the Food and Health Administration!”

A chittering laughing noise is heard as another bag of kernels are dumped onto our hapless Curtain Jerker Champion. But that isn’t all, just as Bobby Lee starts to whimper, a box of popcorn salt and more butter drench him.

We fade to the arena, the lights dim and the REBELTron lights up…

*****Prove. Your. Worth.*****

The dust blows, the wind whistles the silent song of peace. His foot digs deep into the sand as he takes a step forward. He taps his sword against his shield, his eyes shining out in the midst of his dusty and dirty helmet. His opponent walks forward, slowly and cautiously with nothing more than a spear in his hand, and a dented helmet protecting his skull.

The dust blows, the wind whistles the silent song of peace.

The crowds are brimming in the colliseum. Screaming, chanting. Drinking, fucking. Both men look around, all we hear is the silence. The call is heard.

Voiceover: Since the dawn of time, mankind has done battle.

The men form up, the gates open and the lions are released. The first drops to his knee, his shield up and his sword ready. The blade glistens in the sunlight, the sand whirling behind each step of the approaching lions. The second widens his stance, his back to the first. His spear raised high, his eyes locked. Predator to predator.

Voiceover: We had to fight back the world around us. The beasts that came for our blood.

The second launches his spear, as the first lion leaps forward. The lions mane blows back in the wind, the crowd is begging for blood, the aristocrats are sipping their wine and rubbing their fat bellies.

Voiceover: We had to fight for our very right to live on this Earth.

The spear connects, quickly the first man pulls himself to his feet as the other lion launches himself towards him. He raises his shield, sliding back on the heels of his feet as he falls back. The lion hits his shield, now its weight crushing him as he continues his slide through the sand. But his sword… His sword is now wedged deeply into the lions chest.

Voiceover: We fought for dominance. We fought for survival.

Everything stops. The first man rips his sword out of the lion, who labours for his last breathes. The second rips his spear out, and now they turn to each other. A single droplet of rain hit’s the sand. “To Glory” by Two Steps From Hell kicks in over the background.

Voiceover: And as with all things, our battles evolved. It wasn’t just a matter of dominance, or survival anymore.

The men turn their attention to the ruling class who sit high above the crowds, overlooking the pit.

Voiceover: We were Pioneers with a new vision for the entire planet. Our vision.

A single man, his body wrapped in loose white sheets arched over one shoulder stands to his feet. The crowd is clamouring for more blood. More violence. The aristocrat looks towards the skies, his arms stretched out as he speaks- but we do not hear him.

The rain begins a full heavy down pour, washing the blood into the sand.

Voiceover: We fought, we struggled and carved out our place. No surrender, only Victory.

The aristocrat salutes forward, and the two warriors begin circling each other. The crowd is in the throws of passion, some even throwing their clothes off to feel the rain against their skin. The second readies his spear, the first readies his sword and shield.

Voiceover: We were, and are, constantly discovering new things about our world and ourselves. It is the battle, the war, which has driven our advancement through time above all others. With Blazenwings, we soared to new heights with the trail of fire in our wake.

They engage, the loud clash of the spear attempting to pierce the shield resonates with the crowd. The spearman thrusts, thrusts, pushing the swordsman back. The swordsman trips over the carcass of one of the lions, on his back now. The spearman is ferocious, but unfocused as he lays a barrage of attacks on the backtracking swordsman.

Voiceover: But… When all else fails. When the Pioneers fall. When there is no Victory. When the Blazenwings are doused unto ashes and our backs are against the wall…

The swordsman rolls, jumping to his feet. The spearman strikes, piercing him on the right side and pushing the swordsman against the wall. The shield drops. He looks down. The spearman pulls it out and spins, raising his arms to the crowd as the swordsman slides down, his back against the wall, clutching his wound.

Voiceover: It takes one special kind of warrior. Someone who will never give up. Someone who will never accept fate, but who forges their own destiny.

There are brilliant flashes now. Quickly, as the swordsman gets to his feet, his hands grabbing the bloodied sands into his palm. Flash.

Bubba J and Vincent Black raising their Tag Team titles, Seldon shrugging as she walks off and Emily Corlen decimated in the ring.

Voiceover: They who dare to do the undoable.

The swordsman breathes deeply, flash.

We see a woman in the crowd from the colliseum, a copperhead snake coiled around her before we see a flash of J.T. Whiplash making his triumphant return as he stands over Lucious Starr and Gabe Shelley.

Voiceover: They who don’t know when it’s time to quit and give up.

The swordsman closes his eyes, wiping the blood from his side over his face as he throws his helmet off.

Flash. Gabe Shelley taps his knee, and looks up. Alexia can be seen shrouded, a smirking JC Shelley close behind.

Voiceover: Those who don’t let the pain get in the way of their battles.

The swordsman stumbles forward, piercing his sword into the ground but then lifting his arms into the air. The crowds cheer, screaming for more.

Flash. We see “Wreckless” Rocky Logan, with “The Millennium Game” Justin Case back to back, arms crossed and smirking as Hugh Aredone stands in front of them with a cocky smile.

Voiceover: Those who can do it, and make it look good.

The swordsman grabs his shield and hoists it up, even amidst his pain he has the strength. The sword is back in his hand now. The crowd is almost in a frenzy, following his every movement.

Flash. We see Legion, surrounded by his congregation.

Voiceover: They who are the true leaders of this world, whom men and women flock to for strength and leadership.

The swordsman begins running forward, putting his shield to a slant as he hit’s the spearman in the back, sliding over his back using his shield before flipping over in front of him and slashing him across the chest with his sword. The blood tears through the air, hitting his face.

Flash. Violet Harper. Bloodied. Battered, but standing with the Aggression title.

Voiceover: They who even at their greatest moment of peril and pain, rise above to conquer their doubters.

The swordsman unleashes a flurry of strikes, the spearman has no idea how to react as his flesh is ripped off his body and he stumbles back, hitting the ground.

Flash. Taboo and Chad Kurtis. The images like clouds of their history and dominance rise above them as

we see them, their hands raised over a destroyed ring.

Voiceover: Those who just when you thought they were gone… Get pulled, right back in.

The swordsman lifts the spearman up, kicking his helmet off and grabbing his hair. He puts his sword to the spearmen’s neck. The spearman is already bleeding profusely, he is finished. But the swordsman looks around, listening to what the people want. They want blood.

Flash. We see Lisa Seldon, her head lowered as the backdrop shows her intense victories in the Kingdom of Death. Her obliteration of Justin Case. Of The Phoenix. Of the entire WORLD itself.

Voiceover: Most of all, they who no matter the odds… Win.

The swordsman slices the spearmans throat, his head hanging off his shoulders as the fountain of blood gushes skyward. The swordsman raises his arm, soaking in the moment.

Voiceover: These, men and women. Are known only by one name: REBEL!

Flash. Lisa Seldon again, looking up, a tilt of her head, a wink to the camera, and she raises the AoWF World title in one hand, and the REBEL Pro World title in the other.

Flash. The ring in the arena lights up in crimson red.

Voiceover: This, is their pit. The canvas, is their sand.

The music comes to its climax.

Voiceover: This… Is where you can PROVE! YOUR! WORTH!

Pyros explode all across the arena, whistling down from the rafters and popping off across the entrance ramp, stage and around the ring. The crowd is going nuts!

Voiceover: In association with The Alliance of Wrestling Federations! REBEL Pro Proudly PRESENTS! PROVE YOUR WORTH!

The crowd is going nuts, psyched out from the introductory video as we fade to Linzi Martin and of course, Mikey Massacre.

Linzi Martin: Wow that got me totally soaked.

Mikey Massacre: You mean stoked?

Linzi Martin: No, no. I meant soaked.

Mikey cocks an eyebrow.

Mikey Massacre: Welcome folks. I’m Mikey Massacre.

Linzi Martin: And I’m Violet Harpers number one fan, Linzi Martin.

Mikey rolls his eyes.

Mikey Massacre: And the show starts now! With not a moment to lose, we’ve got a Triple Threat match of Doom!

Linzi Martin: What’s that even me?

Mikey Massacre: Every match in a REBEL ring should be doom for the losers.

*****Triple Threat Match of DOOM*****
*****Virgil Keenan versus Bobby Lee versus Jimmy Henderson*****

“I Hear The Voices” by Uriah Heep hits as Bobby Lee steps out, shifty eyed and the like.

DING DING

Jenny Jersey: Introducing first. He is the uhhh… Reigning Curtain Jerker Champion!!!

Bobby Lee throws his arms into the air and the fans cheer him on.

Jenny Jersey: BOBBY LEE!!!!!

Lee slides into the ring and stretches. He’s keeping a watchful eye on the rafters though, in case the Zeti Reticuli show up.

Jenny Jersey: Introducing next.

The lights in the arena as the beat for “American Bad Ass” by Kid Rock starts to kick the PA and red, white, and blue laser lights start to dance about the arena and then focus on the entrance ramp as they form the Confederate Battle Flag on the curtain and the screen shows a flutter Confederate Battle Flag itself and with the words “American by Birth, Southern by the Grace of God”, Jimmy steps out from behind the curtain and starts to walk to the ring, wearing a Hoodie that has the Confederate Flag on the front with “Rebel Born, Rebel Bred, and when I die, I’ll be Rebel Dead” on the back, with black long shorts with another rebel flag on his right thigh and “ABA” in white down his left thigh, wearing black boots with grey kick-pads. The screen shows images of him walking to the ring, tagging with Marco Dante and Super-kicking Bronx Williams with a small caption of “Footage courtesy of Pioneer Wrestling Alliance and the AOWF” at the bottom.

Jenny Jersey: JIMMY HENDERSON!!!!!

As he nears the apron, he leaps up from the floor and slides in under the ropes like Evan Bourne would and he throws off the hoodie into the crowd as he climbs up the turnbuckle, throwing a fist into the air as he looks out over the crowd and suddenly, he’d back flip and lands on his feet back into the ring, then starts bouncing off the ropes to get the feel for the ring, the crowd, and the atmosphere, until the match starts or his opponent enters.

Jenny Jersey: And finally, their opponent…

“Blood Meat” hits and everyone turns their attention to the entrance ramp. At least the fans and Jimmy. Bobby Lee is still looking up.

Jenny Jersey: He hails from Alberta, Canada… He is…

Jenny is freaked out as Virgil Keenan rolls out from under the ring, slides in and immediately hit’s a forearm smash on Bobby Lee.

Jenny Jersey: VIRGIL KEENAN!

She gets outta there, quick.

DING DING DING

Virgil Keenan grabs Bobby Lee from behind, belly to back suplex. Jimmy Henderson runs over and immediately begins hitting some martial arts styled kicks on Virgil Keenan. Keenan rolls away, trying to cover himself as Henderson continues his assault. Bobby Lee looks around, eyes shifting back and forth between Henderson and Keenan. Henderson lifts Keenan up, snap suplex! Bobby Lee launches himself forward with a body splash across Henderson, taking both men down and out. As Bobby Lee gets up, he doesn’t notice Keenan is back up as well. Virgil with a springboard forearm smash on Bobby Lee! Bobby Lee goes flying inbetween the ropes and to the outside.

Linzi Martin: This match is chaotic!

Mikey Massacre: They are doomed!

Bobby Lee looks up, seeing the lights! He runs under the ring to hide and plan his next move, certain the invasion is on.

Linzi Martin: Those are just arena lights.

Henderson rolls Virgil Keenan up!

1!

Mikey Massacre: He’s mistaken them for UFO lights, I do think.

2!!

Linzi Martin: Is Henderson about to steal this one?!

KICK OUT!

Mikey Massacre: My guess is no. Not yet anyways.

Henderson with an enziguri kick almost rips Keenan’s head off. Keenan is slow to his feet, as Henderson goes up top. Henderson goes for a hurricanrana!!! But Keenan reverses it, power bombing Henderson into the canvas but Keenan holds onto Jimmy’s legs, flipping him over and locking in an elevated Boston Crab!

Linzi Martin: Oh shit, better get my gas mask before the riot squad shows up.

Mikey Massacre: Relax.

Henderson is refusing to tap as the referee asks him. It’s at this point Bobby Lee comes out from under the ring. He’s got a garbage can lid as a shield, and a baseball bat covered in barbed wire as a sword. A collective, oh fuck. Lee slides into the ring behind Keenan’s line of sight. Henderson looks up, in pain and then awe and shock as Lee brings his barbed wire baseball bat down across the back of Jimmy’s head. Keenan turns his head to look over his shoulder, just as Lee swings. Keenan lets go of Henderson, falling forward into the ropes. He bounces off, going for a springboard back elbow but Bobby Lee raises his makeshift shield to block it.

Linzi Martin: Bobby looking like one of those warriors from the intro video. How sexy.

Mikey Massacre: Riiiiight.

Henderson is bleeding out the back of his head, and crawls away for a moment to regroup. Keenan goes for a left, Lee blocks it. Lee thrusts his bat at Keenan, who side steps it. Keenan goes for a kick, Lee blocks it with his garbage can lid shield. Lee swings the bat, connects right with Keenan’s face. Keenan spins around and is hanging off the ropes, bleeding all over himself. The crowd is going nuts! They can’t believe it! Bobby Lee with a spinning neck breaker on Keenan! HE COVERS!

1!

2!!

KICK OUT! KEENAN KICKS OUT! WHAT A BOSS!

Bobby Lee can’t believe it, coming so close to a win! Henderson is up, Lee doesn’t see him. Shining Wizard on Bobby Lee! Lee hit’s the canvas, Henderson grabs the garbage can lid and begins bashing it down over Lee’s face.

Linzi Martin: This is getting out of control.

Mikey Massacre: It was out of control the moment this match was booked.

Keenan wipes the blood off his face as he pulls himself to his feet. Keenan picks up the now bloodied barbed wire baseball bat and taps it on his boot before swinging, cracking it over the side of Jimmy Henderson’s face. Henderson stumbles into the ropes, bleeding even more now as Keenan swings one more time, sending Jimmy Henderson to the outside. He drops the bat and turns around as Lee gets to his feet. Lee runs at Keenan. BURNING HAMMER! KEENAN WITH BURNING HAMMER ON BOBBY LEE!

1!

2!!

3!!!

DING DING DING

Keenan has his hand raised before sliding out of the ring.

Jenny Jersey: The winner of this match, VIRGIL KEENAN!

Linzi Martin: I guess this means Lee retains his title.

Mikey Massacre: How sad for Jimmy and Virgil.

*****The Arrival*****

We cue up with a panoramic view of the arena’s garage. Initially there’s no movement, but soon enough a black Cadillac Escalade speeds by with purpose.

Mikey Massacre: It looks like someone’s inbound in a hurry!

Linzi Martin: And in style, to say the least!
The next camera shot is low to the ground, just inches shy of where the Escalade screeches to a halt. From a rear view we catch a glimpse of the licence plates which read “SiD”.

Mikey Massacre: Our Queen of Everything is making quite the fashionable entrance tonight, eh?
As the rear passenger side door opens up, the legs of a figure are all which come into view. Black slacks, black shoes, but a very masculine tone. The person in questions stops in place but for a moment, then walks off to an undetermined point.
Linzi Martin: I wouldn’t speak too soon, that footwear may be high-priced, but they are most definitely a men’s size!

Mikey Massacre: I don’t see how that immediately disqualifies Lisa Seldon, but I suppose there’s no reason to hide her face from the camera. WAIT, could this be the earth-shattering signing we’ve all been promised tonight?!
Linzi Martin: If it is, the anticipation is sure to continue. Those were “Self~inflicted Drama” to be sure.

Mikey Massacre: This night has been billed as historic, and if this is any indication we’re well on our way to delivering on that promise!

*****Loser Leaves Town Match*****
*****Lucious Starr versus Jaice Wilds*****

DING DING

Jenny Jersey: The following is a LOSER LEAVES TOWN MATCH! Introducing first!

Jaice Wilds gets thrown out onto the stage, bloodied and battered. Starr follows him from behind, a dented up steel chair in hand as he continues to bash Jaice Wilds, apparently the fighting having already begun.

DING DING DING

The referee just decides to call for the bell, as Jersey gets the shit out of the ring with Starr throwing Jaice into it. Lucious Starr ignores the booing fans as he goes under the ring now.

Linzi Martin: What the hell is this? Starr is about to screw

Mikey Massacre: Well, shit.

Starr comes back out with a big bad of goodies with him. He rolls back into the ring, Jaice Wilds bloodied and trying to crawl away. Starr drops out a cinder block, a pipe and then holds the bag upside down for a bunch of thumbtacks to fall onto the canvas.

Linzi Martin: Aw man, are we about to lose Jaice Wilds? Just when he beat the INS too.

Starr grabs Jaice up from behind, lifting the smaller man up into a torture rack. The crowd boos, the referee asking Jaice if he’s willing to quit but Jaice flat out refuses. Starr flips him around, fall away slam onto the thumbtacks. Starr lifts up the cinder block now, holding it high into the air as Jaice rolls out of the bed of thumbtacks in pain. Jaice looks up, BANG! The cinder block breaks apart as Starr whips it at Wilds’ face. Wilds is seemingly down, out and down for. Starr picks up the lead pipe now and begins trying to do some body work on Jaice as he bashes him all over his broken and bloodied body.

Linzi Martin: Whoa, whoa, WHOA! NO WAY! IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS?!

Motherfucking PANZADISE comes out from backstage, Nintendo console in hand baby. Starr doesn’t notice him, the jackass he is he assumes the crowd is suddenly cheering for him and he waves to them, smiling. The PWA World Champion climbs up into the ring, and spins Lucious around. NINTENDO CONSOLE SMASHED OVER HIS HEAD! YEAH! The crowd is loving it, Starr is stumbling around woozy. Panzadise grabs him, THE PANZADISE BOMB ONTO THE THUMBTACKS!!! The crowd is loving it! Panzadise grabs the fucked up Jaice Wilds, and drapes him over Starr as he makes his exit.

1!

Panzadise cracks a grin, walking backwards up the ramp.

2!!

The fans cheer the PWA World champ as he stands at the top of the entrance ramp.

3!!!

DING DING DING!

Jenny Jersey: The winner of this match, JAICE WILDS!!!

Starr throws Jaice off of him, who’s still basically KO’d. Starr sits up, winces as he pulls thumbtacks out of his back. Simon Kalis steps out, microphone in one hand. He high fives Panzadise, they share a laugh and Panzadise waves to the REBEL fans and leaves.

Simon Kalis: You thought you could sneak attack your way into keeping the ridiculous fucking contract Gold signed for you? Well guess what, Lucy baby?

The crowd jump to their feet, cheering.

Simon Kalis: YOU’RE FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRED!!!! Now YOU! Get the FUCK out of my ring!

Security rushes the ring as EMTs arrive to check on Jaice Wilds as Kalis leaves the ringside area and heads backstage.

Linzi Martin: Simon sure has a lot of pals. Enika Engel. Matthew Engel! Thunderwolf! Teresa Quaranta, I think? Panzadise! Who else am I missing?

Mikey Massacre: What the hell is this, honestly Linzi? We have the PWA World Champion show up, the PWA Intercontinental champion in a match tonight here. Next thing you know, the god damn supposed “Summer of Bogard” will reach REBEL Pro and the Grizzly Beer Champ will show up too.

Linzi Martin: Ohhhh, that’d be exciting! Wouldn’t it?

Starr is escorted out of the arena, as Jaice is placed up on a stretcher and attended to by medically inclined people.

*****Everything is Falling Apart. Or is it?*****

Jeremy Gold: Well, uhm. At least your pal Panzadise saved the day.

Kalis nods, lighting a cigarette and spinning around in his awesome bosses leather spin chair thingy.

Simon Kalis: Yeah, well he’s awesome like that and it was fun seeing him come here to mash up Starr so… No surprises. Still. I’ve got some fucking problems now, apparently.

Gold sits across Simon’s

desk, shivering. He looks around nervously, as Rupert the Kangaroo stands by the TV watching porno. Kalis is seemingly getting angrier by the second.

Simon Kalis: This is bullshit. Seriously. Apparently Vic Wagner got lost up the collective asshole of the PWA and that jackass Rob Robinson, though if you ask me I wager he didn’t want to be anywhere near a building with Matt Stone in it. And speaking of that sneaky fucker, his match is god damn ruined. Maverick flaked out like usual that pussy.

Jeremy Gold: If I didn’t know any better, I’d say there’s a conspiracy to push REBEL Pro down cause we’re all doing so awesome.

Kalis taps his finger against the desk, ignoring Gold’s dumbass statement.

Simon Kalis: The hell do we do?

Gold whimpers, wiping his watery eyes. He gets sad when Simon is mad.

Jeremy Gold: Well, someone else from Victory showed up to take Johnny’s place.

Kalis perks up.

Simon Kalis: Who?! Enika? Teresa? Anna? Hell, is it me? I’d know if it was me, wouldn’t I?

Jeremy Gold: Errr, no. Suukya. It’s Suukya.

Simon hits his face against his desk as we fade to ringside…

*****Matt Stone(PWA) versus Suukya(Victory)*****

“Stand Up” by Jet hits the arenas PA-system as the lights dim and strobe lights begin to throb throughout the stadium.

Jenny Jersey: Coming to the ring now from Arizona. Weighing in at 230-pounds and standing at six-feet five-inches… SUUKYA’!

Suukya’ takes his cue and emerges from behind the thick curtain a heavy boxer style robe of black covering his body, hood up shielding his face. With a slight jog he moves down to ringside extending a hand to those who reach out to him… ignoring those that jeer him.

Reaching ringside he whips off his robe and hands it over to the ring attendant, with a little bob of his head in appreciation, leaving him standing in a black singlet with orange-red, turquoise, and black trim. As he turns his back to enter the ring we catch the air brushed Great Seal of the Hopi Nation. Inside the ring he finds a corner and takes a moment to drop down to the knee in a silent prayer.

Slowly his music fades away as the strobe lights cease and the house lights raise again.

Jenny Jersey: And his opponent… He is the PWA Intercontinental Champion… MATT STONE!!!!

Say whoa (whoa)
The more I feed it (whoa)
The more I need it (whoa)
Whoa
You say whoa
Whoa is me
I’m so whoa

Matt Stone comes out from the back to a chorus of boos. He struts down the ramp towards the ring, wearing his patterned hoodie with a large Maple Leaf on the back. He threatens to hit a member of the crowd who was holding up a “Canada sucks” sign and just walks on.

Say whoa (whoa)
The more I feed it (whoa)
The more I need it (whoa)
Whoa
You say whoa
Whoa is me
I’m so whoa

Matt gets on the apron and gets inside the ring, heading straight to a corner and mounts the middle turnbuckle raising his hands. “I’m the best there is!” He shouts out over the loud jeers being rained down on him. He shakes his head to their reaction. “You don’t deserve to see me!” He shouts out getting down and taking off the hoodie. Matt get’s ready for his opponent, bouncing off the ropes to loosen up as his music fades away.

Linzi Martin: Gotta wonder how Suukya is feeling after everything that happened to him at the hands of Sedition Rising.

Mikey Massacre: He’s screwed.

DING DING DING

Stone rushes at him, elbow collar tie up. Suukya slaps his arm and shoulder, Stone twists him around and lays him out with an impact DDT! Suukya gets to his feet and grabs ahold of Stone. He goes for a suplex but Stone gets out of it mid air, flips himself over and takes Suukya down with a corkscrew neck breaker! The crowd goes nuts, loving it!

Mikey Massacre: Stone impressing some of the REBEL fans here tonight.

Linzi Martin: I remember him from my PWA days. I’m surprised he didn’t have one of his bitches come out to fight for him, he used to be so lazy.

As Suukya gets to his feet, Stone moves in for an immediate strike, a flying lariat as he comes forward. He nails Suukya in the head but all he does is then move himself towards him, hitting him with a vicious and dirty knee-on-knee colission. Suukya flips to the canvas and The Straight Shooter drops his leg over his throat for good measure, showing everyone why he is still the PWA Intercontinental Champion! He elbows him right in the eye and then jumps back, wrapping Suukya’s legs up and then falling to the canvas himself, completely locking Suukya in an Indian Deathlock. He has no clear emotion as he simply focuses on applying the pressure on the move, putting great strain on Suukya.

Mikey Massacre: Indian Death Lock is rarely used, but it’s a highly effective move.

Linzi Martin: Yeah I wouldn’t want to be put in that hold. Though the Indian Kama Sutra, different story.

Suukya yells and screams, flailing around trying to get out of the move. Stone shakes his head and decides a change of strategy is needed. Stone flips himself onto his stomach, now inverting the Indian death lock much to the chagrin of Suukya. Stone yells at Suukya to tap, but Suukya is fighting through the pain and still refusing to tap out.

Mikey Massacre: In theory, Stone only needs to keep the submission hold on forever until Suukya either taps or passes out from the pain. There are no rope breaks or disqualifications in REBEL Pro after all.

Linzi Martin: And he might just use that to his advantage.

Stone gives up and lets go of Suukya. Stone gets to his feet, scoffing at the REBEL Pro fans as he waits for Suukya. Suukya gets to his feet and goes for a grapple, Stone is overpowered by the much bigger man and sent flying into the turnbuckles. As Suukya rushes at Stone, he crushes Stone between himself and the turnbuckle and grabs Stone, Northern Lights suplex! Stone pulls himself off the canvas, as Suukya sits up on the top turnbuckle. Suukya jumps off, BUT STONE WITH THE C-C-C-C-C-COMBOBREAKER ON SUUKYA!!! The crowd roars!

1!

2!!

3!!!

DING DING DING

Jenny Jersey: The winner of this match, MATT STONE!

Stone spits at the REBEL Pro logo on the ring and slides out, leaving the arena shaking his head. The crowd boos, at him, and at the unknown whereabouts of Johnny Maverick.

Fans: WHERE’S JOHNNY? WHERE’S JOHNNY?

Stone turns around, nodding and he seems to mouth the words “I agree, I agree” as he leaves Suukya fucked up in the ring.

*****Just Business*****

Bubba J walks down the hallway, carrying a case with him, but its no ordinary case, its a case containing “Ripper” his self-made weapon of choice. He stops in front of a door marked “J.T. Whiplash” and stares at the camera.

“What, do you honestly expect me to let you into hear our conversation? Do you honestly think I’m going to allow you to hear us talking?”

He points towards the door.

“This is business, just business.”

He points out to the arena where the fans are yelling and having a good time.

“I’ve got to take care of some business tonight, but go ahead and look for it to happen, but as for this man…”

He points to the name.

“Not gonna happen. So pack up your camera, do whatever you have to do with it, and get the hell out of my damn face.”

He waits and as the door starts to open, the camera blacks out as a voice comes from behind the camera.

V/O: They never listen Bubba, don’t you know that by now?

J talks from in front of the camera.

J: “Exactly why I asked you to come from behind Vincent, now lets go talk to this man right chere.”

Black shoves the camera into the wall, creating a multitude of snow; but the mic still picks up the door shutting.

*****Cage Match*****
*****Gabe Shelley versus Legion*****

The lights in the arena go to black and the heavy bass of ‘Inside’ by NiN kicks in over the sound system. Rising from a hole set in the middle of the stage is Legion, a backlight showing only his silhouette. The arena lights come back up and Legion is joined on stage by members of his congregation and they all make their way to the ring.

Yeah, you guessed it… chipmunks with red laser lights attached to their heads run down from the back as “In Fate’s Hands” hits up in the speakers. The women scream as the vicious, hopped up on crack cocaine from Jeremy’s stash) run all over the damn place.

Jenny Jersey: Introducing Gabe Shelley!

Gabe accidentally stomps on a chipmunk, causing a little girl to begin crying as the little chipmunk brains squish out of his little skull.

Ding Ding

The cage of death surrounds both Legion and Gabe Shelley, who stare at each other with something akindling less than admiration or love. Referee Jimmy Johnson stands away from the two as they come together in a bang. Well, Legion nails Shelley in the face with a knuckle sandwich rocking him back, but the former BWF World Champion rocks Legion back with a meaty right hook of his own. Legion absorbs the blow as he rocks back, ducking under the next blow and up behind Gabe shoving him into the barbed wire and glass covered steel cage; Shelley is the first to bleed in this match. Legion rubs his face along the surface, creating cuts and abrasions all over his face.

Mikey Massacre: Shelley the first to lose blood here.

Linzi Martin: But surely not the last here in this match as I’ve got a five hundred dollar bet that Jimmy loses some as well.

Shelley with a back elbow thrust catches Legion off guard before reaching back and shoving his face into the cage, ripping his mask somewhat. Legion smiles though as he tries to cuff Gabe’s wrist to the cage wall, but Shelley nails him in the face with a left hook sending the cuffs flying and Legion to the canvas. Shelley with a stomp before lawn darting Legion’s head into the cage wall and as he rebounds, whipping him across the ring. Shelley lowers his shoulder into Legion’s midsection before flipping him up and over to land back on the canvas. Shelley spins around, but Legion is rolling up to his feet. Shelley with a stomp over, unleashes a kick to Legion’s face, but Legion dives at the planted leg taking Shelley down to the canvas in some sort of Lou Thesz press as he pounds away at Gabe’s upturned and bloody face.

Linzi Martin: Legion taking it to the former BWF World Champion.

Mikey Massacre: Legion is a very talented individual.

Linzi Martin: You don’t like him, do you?

Mikey Massacre: Not a bit.

Legion rolls off Gabe, up to his feet, but Shelley is there to trip him up. Shelley is bleeding from the nose and mouth; not to mention the other lacerations on his face thanks to this demonstrative cage. Legion rolls over to his feet as Gabe does the same. The two men come together, collar and elbow style; Gabe behind Legion with a rear waistlock. Legion reverses the hold into a wristlock, kicking Gabe in the ribs; but Gabe pulls him to him, short arm clotheslining him to the canvas. Stompfest from Gabe as Legion tries to roll out of the stomping range of Gabe, but he pursues him like a fat kid going after the last piece of birthday cake. Gabe pulls him up, dragging his face across the cage, before hooking him in a double wristlock(behind the back) and dragging his chest across the cage wall, causing multiple of lacerations to the chest. Gabe looks down, spotting the handcuffs and locks them around Legion’s wrist. Gabe proceeds to beat the hell out of Legion, right hand after right hand. Someone from the crowd tosses a steel chair up and over the cage side, but Shelley looks grateful as he pounds the steel into Legion’s face. Shelley winds up, cracking him in the face with a second, then we cut back to another fan tossing in a lead pipe as well. The fan is none other than Bubba J, a man that Legion had attacked last week by Mr. Piggy. J shoots the camera a bird, but we can tell its directed right at Legion, who’s face turned dazedly towards Bubba J.

Linzi Martin: Bubba J getting involved with this match tonight.

Mikey Massacre: Not a surprise at all, I’ve known him his entire Rebel Pro career and he won’t take what happened last week lying down.

Legion spins away, but Gabe golfs a shot right up into his face, Legion is forced to sit down in the corner. Gabe places the chair right in the ropes(against Legion’s face) and comes from across the ring, leaping into the air and driving the steel right into his face with a dropkick. An audible crunch is heard as the chair connects with Legion’s face and it has to be the sound of his breaking nose. The chair falls and we are met immediately with the enormous amount of blood from Legion’s nose. Gabe pulls him up from the corner, but Legion fires a right hand into Gabe’s face, which catches him off-guard because his wrists have been uncuffed. Gabe receives another shot, a third, and a fourth. Legion is rocking Gabe’s world with vigour and intensity.

Linzi Martin: How?

Mikey Massacre: I think Mr. Piggy had something to do with it…

Well, actually it was a man wearing a piggy mask who slinks back under the ring; the handcuffs still laying in the corner. Shelley receives a boot to the midsection and a DDT for a chance to slam his head into he canvas. Legion pulls the chair up, placing it in the seated position before lifting Gabe up, slamming his head through the seat with a cradle piledriver. However, Legion isn’t through, as he pulls the now broken chair up, wrapping it around Gabe’s neck and using it to choke the life out of him.

Linzi Martin: What ferocity from Legion… its kind of sexy.

Mikey Massacre: If you say so.

Linzi Martin: Not Violent Violet Harper sexy, but ya know.

Mikey Massacre: Uh… huh.

Legion grabs the handcuffs, walking back over to Gabe, trying to lock him against the cage once again. A loud popping and sizzling noise, along with a sudden bright flash, sends Legion rolling backards.

Mikey Massacre: But I didn’t think it was going to be electrified!

Linzi Martin: Another surprise from Simon Kalis.

Legion’s front is red from the singeing and he is in obvious pain. Rolling up to his feet, Gabe and Legion are nearly identical. Legion is a bit quicker, nailing Shelley in his bad leg, causing him to cripple up. Legion seems to be pissed off now as he begins to pound down and down again with the lead pipe, sending blood spraying up from the lacerations he is causing on Gabe’s skull. Jimmy Johnson comes over, to try and stop this murderous rampage, but is met right in the face with the pipe, knocking him out cold. Jimmy’s nose is busted from the impact and Legion drags his face across the second rope and then across the rope again before launching him into the electrified cage. Jimmy hangs there for a moment as the electricity courses through his body and the blood pours from his nose and cuts on his face.

Linzi Martin: Hell yeah! I won 10,000 dollars babah!

Mikey Massacre: How?

Linzi Martin: The bet my dear Mikey, I got great odds because the referees never bleed… not even in Rebel Pro!

Gabe is still out cold on the canvas as Legion lifts him up, delivering his finisher “Enter Blackness”(jacknife powerbomb) to Gabe, but manages to make his head and neck slam into the turnbuckle. Legion covers for the pin, but Jimmy is slow to make the count(and we wonder why well its because he’s half-dead by now)

One…

Legion looks at him as if saying hurry up or I’ll sacrifice your liver or something.

Two…

Better yet, I’ll sacrifice your eyeballs before munching them as though they are candy in my dish.

Three…

Ding! Ding! Ding!

Jenny Jersey: Winner of the match… Legion!

Legion lifts Gabe up, Jimmy powerless to stop him, and handcuffs him to the cage, dealing with the shock and all, in a crucifixion pose. Legion stands back, but here comes Bubba J from the back with “Ripper”(his self-made weapon) in his hand., the bat is already dripping some blood from the various pointy and sharp objects on it. Legion dives out of the cage before Bubba J can get there and heads into the crowd.

Mikey Massacre: What a match!

Linzi Martin: Bubba J is staring out at Legion, who is making his way through the crowd.

The cage is no longer electrified, but Bubba J continues the stare, holding the bat barrel down towards the ground.

Mikey Massacre: A camera has just caught up with something that happened backstage, moments ago.

The scene cuts backstage where a dozen of Legion’s lesser known members lay in a spreading pool of destruction; all wear masks. Strangely missing are Mr. Piggy and his cohort in the beating of Bubba J last week.

*****Some Light Interaction Between Opponents*****

Lisa Seldon is seen mingling backstage and generally minding her own business, which is normally enough to keep you safe in wrestling.

Actually that’s a lie, it tends to just make you a target, which is the exact result which befalls Lisa, as a hulking great figure rounds the corner and breaks a big mess of glass tubes across her back. Lisa goes down but doesn’t stay there for long and jumps up to return fire at the figure, who turns out to be Vincent Black. The two come to blows but get to land just a few shots before referees, ring technicians and other wrestlers dive in two separate them. Lisa Seldon is beside herself with annoyance but Black just soaks it in and calls out over the throng of people to raise her ire a little more.

Vincent Black: Hey bitch, you wanna tell people you’re Rebel Pro. How about we up the stakes?

The crowd around Vincent Black settles a little as he stops trying to fight his way through. The same can’t be said for Lisa.

Vincent Black: I’m talking you and me for the world title in a light tube death match. And then I can show you and all these new fans you think you’ve brought in what being in Rebel Pro is all about!

Lisa Seldon, still trying to fight her way through, shouts back.

Lisa Seldon: Fine! Someone get to home depot and buy me a whole load of shit I can use to kill this guy!

Black smiles and nods at his handiwork before backing up the hall. Lisa meanwhile finally shrugs off the crowd and turns the other way, her face a flame but finally starting to settle. The camera cuts away.

*****REBEL Pro World Tag Team Title Contendership Match*****
*****Case Filed Rockets versus Style Clash*****

DING DING

Jenny Jersey: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and will decide the Number One Contenders for the REBEL Pro World Tag Team Titles!

“Troublesome ‘96” by 2Pac hits and the crowd jumps to their feet.

Jenny Jersey: Introducing first! At a combined weight of 490 pounds…

The strobe lights pan the arena as Justin Case and Rocky Logan step out, flanking their exquisite manager and friend Hugh Aredone.

Jenny Jersey: Accompanied to the ring by Hugh Aredone! They are “The Millennium Game” Justin Case and “Wreckless” Rocky Logan… THEY… ARE… CASE FILED ROCKETS!!!!!

They enter the ring, pyros exploding off around them. But, suddenly, “Love and War” by Drowning Pool hits.

Jenny Jersey: And their opponents! Introducing first, he hails from Boulder, Colorado… He is… TABOO!!!!!

Taboo steps out, none too impressed with Case or Logan and begins walking towards the ring.

Jenny Jersey: And his partner!

Arena lights go out and on the big screen we see an old fashion movie reel countdown 3… 2… 1…

then we here the sound byte “Ali said I am the grestest”

Jenny Jersey: “The Show” Chad Kurtis… Together, they are… STYLE CLASH!!!

followed by pyros going off as “cocky” hit the speakers and “the show” makes his way to the ring from the crowd, as the light kicks on before baseball sliding into the ring. Taboo slides in and immediately all four men begin brawling it out. Hugh Aredone hops up onto the apron and begins cussing out Style Clash.

DING DING DING

Rocky Logan quick to capitalize on the distracted Chad Kurtis, he rushes forward and dropkicks Kurtis in the back of the head sending him face first into the turnbuckle. Kurtis bounces off, stumbling back as Logan unleashes a fury of punches that send Kurtis back into the corner. Taboo and Case are grappling, each man trying to over power the other. Case seems to have the upper advantage but Taboo quickly spins himelf around, grabbing Case from behind and taking him down with a full nelson suplex. Meanwhile, Chad however is quick to get to his feet, tripping Logan to keep him down on his way up. He grabs hold of the top rope with both hands, and uses it as leverage as he stomps down multiple times on the back of Rocky’s head, relentless in attack. As Logan gets up Kurtis positions himself quickly, laying him out with a back body drop.

Mikey Massacre: And what started off as a back and forth, now seems like Style Clash are in complete control of this match.

Linzi Martin: I think they’re all kinda assholes, really. But everyone is loving Justin Case these days, he’s become quite the popular folk hero across the AoWF after his impressive showing in the TV title tournament.

Logan gets up slowly, but Kurtis is waiting like a predator about to pounce and as he does Logan counters quickly with a bionic elbow sending “The Show” back. Taboo with a Northern Lights Suplex on Justin Case, he has a very controlling and dominating way about him. But Justin Case you didn’t know, Case is back in it with a quick European uppercut followed by a fall away slam. Logan with a left now, Kurtis responds with a right. Logan throws another left and as Chad goes for a right he fakes it, instead sending a kick into Logan’s gut and grabbing him, locking Rocky’s arms and planting him with a double armed DDT. Case quickly grabs Taboo up and whips him into the ropes. Case follows it up by clotheslining Taboo right over the top rope. Justin Case climbs up onto the top turnbuckle… HURRICANRANA ON TABOO!

Linzi Martin: Front row seats, fuck yeah!

Mikey Massacre: Both these teams know what’s at stake, a shot at Hardcore Entertainment.

Logan is up but stumbles back, Kurtis now rushes forward with a clothesline but Rocky instinctively ducks. Kurtis however quickly latches onto Rocky and hits a reverse snap suplex laying Wreckless down and out. What he doesn’t expect is Justin Case, who grabs him from behind and hit’s a vicious backbreaker on “The Show”. Case lifts Kurtis up and whips him into the corner turnbuckles. Meanwhile Taboo is up and he’s grabbing a bunch of tables from underneath the ring. He slides them into the ring one by one as Kurtis is thrown over the top rope, but manages to take both Case and Logan with him. Taboo begins setting up the tables, four of them, side by side in the middle of the ring.

Linzi Martin: Just what on Earth is he planning to do?

Mikey Massacre: I figure we’ll find out soon enough, Linzi.

Logan slides into the ring after Taboo. Taboo with a snap suplex, takes Logan to the canvas. He then whips Logan into the turnbuckles as Case throws Kurtis into the ring. Case takes Kurtis up on one turnbuckle, as Taboo lifts Rocky Logan up on the opposite one. Both men try to keep balance, and… BANG! BOOM! CRASH! ETC! SUPERPLEXES FROM THE TOPE ROPE THROUGH ALL THE TABLES! The crowd goes NUTS! The referee sees Case with his arm draped over Kurtis!

1!

Mikey Massacre: Hey, wait a second.

2!!

Linzi Martin: Taboo has his arm over Logan!

3!!!

DING DING DING

Jenny Jersey: The winners of this match… Justin Case and Rocky Logan… CASE FILED ROCKETS!!

Taboo is arguing with the referee, but the referee claims he never saw that as Case, Logan and Aredone laugh and smile their way back up the ramp quickly.

Linzi Martin: Did Style Clash just get shafted?

Mikey Massacre: There’ll be hell to pay when this is all said and done…

*****More Mystery Fun*****

We cue up once again backstage, this time in a long corridor full of supposed locker rooms. Plenty of backstage personnel scurry around, but the crowd reacts sharply as the presence of Simon Kalis comes into view. In his hand we immediately come to notice the metal briefcase he was in possession of last week on Aggression.

Mikey Massacre: That’s the very same briefcase we saw Simon Kalis toting around last week. You don’t suppose..?

Linzi Martin: If you’re thinking it has to do with our promised contract signing, it must be pretty lucrative for Kalis to keep it that close to the vest!

The camera man keeps a close pace as Kalis closes in on his destination. Reaching a conspicuously unmarked door, he knocks twice. The door cracks open, and Kalis turns to move inside. The camera men tries to follow, but Kalis turns back around and shoves the camera away, slamming the door shut behind him as the door slams immediately shut.

Mikey Massacre: Once again we’re left in the dark!

Linzi Martin: But with not much longer to go, the light has to be shed on the situation soon enough.

*****REBEL Pro Aggression Championship Match*****
*****J.T. Whiplash versus Violet Harper©*****

Jenny Jersey: The following match is scheduled for one fall, and is for the REBEL Pro Aggression Championship!!! Introducing first, the challenger!

The lights go out as an image of a copperhead slithering down a dirt road airs on the REBEL-Tron as the bagpipe intro from “Copperhead Road” by Steve Earle begins to play with the snake slithering down the path. The snake then coils up in position to strike as the bagpipe intro ends and “Simple Man” by Lynyrd Skynyrd begins to play over the P.A. system as red, white, and blue lighting goes off throughout the arena. Just then, a spot-light shines on J.T. Whiplash in his wrestling attire, holding a Rebel flag as the fans erupt in cheers. J.T. then waves the Rebel flag in the air hollering as he does so. He then puts the flag over his shoulder as he makes his way to the ring slowly, tagging hands with as many fans as he can get to as he gets to the end of the ramp-way, pausing as he waves his Rebel flag around again before walking to the ring steps and sticking his Rebel flag in the ring post as he steps over the middle rope and climbs in the ring, shouting and hollering for the fans to cheer as he climbs up each second turn-buckle and lets out a loud “YEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAWWW!!!” as he gives the crowd a bull-horn sign before he paces back and forth in the ring like a pissed-off hyena as he runs against the ropes a couple of times before going back to pacing as the music dies down.

Jenny Jersey: J.T….. WHIPLAAAAAAAAAAAASH!!!!!!

“Gasoline” by Audioslave hits and the crowd goes nuts, especially the guys.

Jenny Jersey: And his opponent! She is the reigning Aggression Champion…

Violet comes bolting out from backstage, running to the ring.

Jenny Jersey: She is VIOLET HARPER!!!

Jersey quickly gets out of the ring as Harper chucks her the Aggression title for safe keeping, sliding into the ring.

DING DING DING

LINZI MARTIN: And our Aggression Title match is underway!

MIKEY MASSACRE: Both competitors had quite a lot to say this week and we’ll get to find out first hand just who backs it up!
LINZI MARTIN: Go Violet!

MIKEY MASSACRE: Shocker! Pun intended.
This match was one for the ages and it got about as nearly hardcore as any Rebel match has ever gotten. Violet and Whiplash started off the match going strike for strike, but Whiplash’s size and strength won him that exchange and he made Violet pay for it dearly with his Copperhead Bite, which is a running knee lift to the face with Whiplash wearing a thumbtack-covered kneepad. Violet was busted open at this point and we’re all glad it wasn’t a first blood match. Whiplash went to work on the Aggression champion with all kinds of old school moves and hardcore delights, opening up Violet’s skin even more and crushing her through the announcer’s table with The Southern Discomfort (high-impact brainbuster)! So yeah, the announcer’s table is gone. They’re probably going to bring a new one out between this match and the World Title match. Maybe, if Simon Kails thinks you’re lucky. Whiplash tried for a gut-wrench powerbomb off the top rope but Harper reversed with a hurricanrana and showed some life after all. She wasn’t dead. Harper went for the corkscrew 630 senton bomb and connected! She went for the cover right away and Whiplash kicked out after two. Harper then really turned the match around in her favor and grabbed a steel chair out from underneath the ring and went to work on Whiplash’s knees, just like she said she would. Whiplash was yelling out in pain from the chair shots but was put out of his misery with one right to the head. Harper connected with a 450 Frog Splash off the top rope! But she wasn’t done, and neither was Whiplash as he was getting to his feet while Harper was set on the top rope.
Violet follows up with the PURPLE HAZE OFF THE TOP ROPE! She made the cover!
BUT WHIPLASH KICKS OUT! NO ONE HAS EVER KICKED OUT OF THAT BEFORE!
LINZI MARTIN: Stupid redne–
MIKEY MASSACRE: Whoa, whoa. Be aware of your surroundings, Linzi.
LINZI MARTIN: You’re right, sorry.
The crowd was divided, half cheering for the Confederate Copperhead and the other cheering for the sexy Violet Harper. We all know who the commentators were cheering for as we’re sure Linzi Martin was damn near orgasming throughout the entire match watching her lover Violet drip with sweat blood and awesomeness.
LINZI MARTIN: I LOVE YOU VIOLET!
MIKEY MASSACRE: Sheesh, why don’t you two go to New York and get married?

LINZI MARTIN: No, I… I love her like a sister, Mikey!
MIKEY MASSACRE: Oh that’s even worse! And yet I’m still strangely aroused!
LINZI MARTIN: No! That’s not what I meant. Just shut up Mikey!
Harper got distracted by Linzi’s proclaim of love and Whiplash speared her into the corner! Whiplash went back to town on Harper in a way she doesn’t like. Well, either way she probably wouldn’t have liked it. Whiplash is old…and wrinkly. Anyway, Whiplash brought out a spool of razorwire! Now we’re getting somewhere. Whiplash did the unthinkable and wrapped Violet with the razorwire and took her down with the Whip-Cracker! Violet seemed nearly out and Whiplash cut himself up a little bit in the process, but Whiplash made the cover after painfully removing the razorwire off of her and amazingly VIOLET KICKED OUT! The crowd went nuts!

Crowd: REB-EL! REB-EL! REB-EL!
The crowd always chants that when someone does the impossible because here in Rebel Pro we specialize in that kind of shit. Whiplash couldn’t believe it either and even went along with the Rebel chant. He was motioning for Violet to get up, kind of like in the movie Rocky when Rocky was all fucked up and motioning for Apollo to bring it. Imagine that. Violet got to her feet and she’s a bloody terrible mess. Whiplash connects with the Copperhead Bite again! Damn! And he’s not done. Whiplash grabs two light tubes from underneath the ring and slides back in. He stuffs the light tubes down the back of Violet’s shirt, proving once more why women should only wear bras when they wrestle, and he steps back a few steps. Whiplash charges forward and gives Violet a thrust kick to the back, smashing the two light tubes against her skin! Violet falls to the mat in a heap of pain, and Whiplash makes the cover again!
NO! VIOLET GOT HER FOOT ON THE ROPE! HOLY SHIT!
Crowd: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
We all imagine Linzi Martin is drenched in her pants right now, and it’s fun to think that. Whiplash cannot believe the toughness of the Aggression Champion as he sits in the corner, covered in blood and sweat himself. Violet is amazingly getting to her feet and shaking out the light tube shards from her shirt. Whiplash rises up and charges but Violet ducks a clothesline, Violet nails Whiplash with lefts and rights, and then slams a fist right into his throat! Whiplash is paralyzed for a moment falling to his knees and Violet slides out of the ring. She comes back with a goddamn Hewlett Packard Laser Jet printer! She runs and smashes it into Whiplash’s face! The printer parts go everywhere and Harper raises her fists into the air! Whiplash makes a last-ditch effort and kicks Violet in the back of her knee. Whiplash tackles Harper and they go outside the ring. We all know there aren’t any countouts in Rebel. We’re men…and women, and we settle our shit with violence and not technicalities. What happened next was unforgettable as Whiplash and Harper battled up the rampway, no weapons, just their fists of fury and trying to knock the other down. Harper seemed like a giant, standing up to the brutality of Whiplash and dishing out her own. Finally Whiplash made Harper go down to the steel of the rampway. Whiplash came down with a brutal legdrop across the throat of Harper. Whiplash followed up with a gorilla press slam right on the top of the stage! Harper was in a lot of pain, but as close as it was, Harper managed to slip out of a second Whip-Cracker and give Whiplash a bicycle kick to the back, sending him over the edge of the stage falling about 25 feet to the floor below where the crowd was going CRAZY!
CROWD: FINISH HIM!

CROWD: WHIP-LASH! WHIP-LASH!
The crowd was still divided. And much to Violet’s surprise after she got up to look over the edge, Whiplash was getting to his feet! WHAT THE FUCK!? The guy is unstoppable and will not stay down! Violet shakes her head. She’s gotta do it, even if it kills her. FOR THE WINS!
But can she?
Whiplash might not know where he is right now, but he’s on his feet like the tough badass motherfocker he is and Violet leaps off the edge.
PURPLE HAZE FROM THE TOP OF THE STAGE! HOLY SHIT!
LINZI MARTIN: OH MY GOD! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!
MIKEY MASSACRE: She’s…they’re both dead, they have to be. We just let two people kill themselves Linzi!
But check it. There’s movement. It’s from the Aggression Champion. The stupid slow referee who finally gets to the scene of the crime sees Violet drape her crimson arm over Whiplash, who got flipped on his back from the impact. The referee made the count.

1…
2…

3!!!

DING DING DING!!!

JENNY JERSEY: And the winner of this match… still your Aggression Champion… VIOLET HARPER!!!

The referee tries to get Violet to her feet to raise her hand, but she collapses to the floor. Still no movement out of Whiplash. EMTs rush onto the scene to help both competitors who just put their livelihoods on the line for the Rebel Pro universe and the Aggression Championship. Unbelievable.

MIKEY MASSACRE: What a match, Linzi…and yet, Violet Harper remains undefeated against the Rebel Pro roster and holds onto her Aggression Championship once more!
LINZI MARTIN: She’s the best Mikey. But I really give some props to Whiplash, he took everything she dished out and then some, and even hurt Violet really bad. I mean… this could have gone either way.

MIKEY MASSACRE: You’re right Linzi…and now you may go to the bathroom to clean up while we get a new announcer’s table.

LINZI MARTIN: …okay.

*****THE JOKE‘S ON YOU!*****

Mikey Massacre: Ladies and gentlmen, as we get set for our main event of the evening…

Everything in the arena stops functioning; the lights, the REBELTron and the sound system.

Mikey Massacre: What the hell? There must’ve been some kind of power outage! Which, if that is the case, no one watching could hear my voice right now. So, I’m going to keep speaking just incase.

Linzi Martin: HA HA! You just said “Justin Case”.

Mike Massacre: *face palm — in the dark*

The arena continues to remain dark and silent until…

[ STATIC ]

It fills the REBELTron and the sound system. Shortly after, “The Outside [Apocalypse Mix]” by A Perfect Circle harmonizes into the arena as the scene on the REBELTron shows a camera panning slowly down a blood smeared hallway of a hospital. The camera continues down the hallway to show an empty straightjacket hanging from the ceiling of a cell in the psychiatric ward.

After twenty-nine seconds, the drumming of the song begins. Strobe lights begin flickering in the arena as a series of disturbing images grace the scene for a split second. As the music becomes whole, the stage below the REBELTron becomes dimly light as we see fog rolling from the entranceway.

At the one-minute-and-twenty-eight-second mark, the music becomes a resonating guitar while the arena once again dims. All that can be see are the images on the REBELTron which begin to show highlights of Rebel Pro wrestlers. The first wrestler showcased on the screen is Bobby Lee…

### HELP ME IF YOU CAN ###
### IT’S JUST THAT THIS ###

…Justin Case…

### IS NOT THE WAY I’M WIRED ###
### SO COULD YOU PLEASE ###
### HELP ME UNDERSTAND WHY ###

…J.T. Whiplash…

### YOU’RE GIVING IN TO ALL THESE ###
### WRECKLESS DARK DESIRES? ###
### YOU’RE… ###

…Jeremy Gold…

### LYING TO YOURSELF AGAIN ###
### SUICIDAL IMBECILE, POUNDING ON A FAULT LINE ###

…Violet Harper…

### WHAT WILL IT TAKE TO GET THROUGH TO YOU PRECIOUS? ###
### WHY WOULD I, WHY WOULD I, WHY WOULD I ###
### WANT TO WATCH YOU ###
### DISCONNECT AND SELF-DESTRUCT ###

…Chad Kurtis…

### ONE BULLET AT A TIME ###
### WHAT’S YOUR RUSH NOW? ###
### EVERYONE WILL HAVE HIS DAY TO DIE ###

…Bubba J…

### MEDICATED DRAMA QUEEN ###
### PICTURE-PERFECT NUMB BELLIGERENCE ###

…Lucious Starr…

### NARCISSISTIC DRAMA QUEEN ###
### CRAVING FAME AND ALL ITS DECADENCE ###

…Taboo…

### LYING THROUGH YOUR TEETH AGAIN ###
### SUICIDAL IMBECILE, THINK ABOUT IT ###
### PUT IT ON THE FAULT LINE ###

…Emlee Korlin…

### WHAT’LL IT TAKE TO GET THROUGH TO YOU PRECIOUS? ###
### I’M OVER THIS. WHY DO YOU WANNA THROW IT AWAY LIKE THIS? ###
### SUCH A MESS ###
### WHY WOULD I WANT TO WATCH YOU… ###

…Vincent Black…

### DISCONNECT AND SELF-DESTRUCT ###
### ONE BULLET AT A TIME ###
### WHAT’S YOUR RUSH NOW ###
### EVERYONE WILL HAVE HIS DAY TO DIE ###

…Legion…

### LYING TO MY FACE AGAIN ###
### SUICIDAL IMBECILE ###
### THINK ABOUT IT, YOU PUT IT ON A FAULT LINE ###

…Lisa Seldon…

### WHAT’LL IT TAKE TO GET THROUGH TO YOU PRECIOUS? ###
### WHY DO YOU WANNA THROW IT AWAY LIKE THIS ###
### SUCH A MESS ###
### OVER THIS… OVER THIS ###

…Simon Kalis…

### HAVE HIS DAY TO DIE… ###
### DISCONNECT ###
### SELF-DESTRUCT ###

…Larry Gordon…

### DISCONNECT ###
### SELF-DESTRUCT ###

…Rebel Pro logo…

### OVER THIS! ###

“You Are The Joke” begins flashing on the screen as the arena becomes engulfed in purple pyrotechnics above the ring, around the REBELTron and the stage. In the flash of light, we can see a man standing in a purple overcoat with long-green hair with his back to the audience, knife held down by his waste. (You’ve seen the poster! Don’t lie!)

Mikey Massacre: It’s Patient 4479!

As Patient 4479 begins to turn around slowly, the lights go out once more. This time, for just a few seconds. When they come back on, where Patient 4479 was just standing there is now a bald headed-man in a black t-shirt, busted-up blue jeans and leather work boots.

The camera pans in on the purple jacket and green wig at the top of the entrance ramp.

Mikey Massacre: What the –

The man atop the stage stands there with a bit of a smirk on his face, reaching into his pants pocket for a microphone.

Mikey Massacre: Am I the only one that isn’t quite sure what is going on here?

Linzi Martin: Pfft, welcome to my every day life.

The stranger atop the stage speaks.

Unknown Man: All of you look disappointed. You look as though you were expecting someone else. Perhaps this guy!

The unknown man turns and points to the screen of ‘Patient 4479’ in a straightjacket.

Unknown Man: Or maybe him!

The image changes over to Sasquatch.

Unknown Man: How about…

The image shows Jeremy Gold dressed in black high-heels and a red spaghetti-strap dinner dress and wig.

Unknown Man: Or?

The image shows a picture of the grassy knoll.

Unknown Man: Wait a minute…

The unknown man moves in closer to the image.

Unknown Man: Can we zoom in close to the fence line, please?

The image on the screen zooms in as requested.

Unknown Man: HE WAS JUST THERE! I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD! I CHECKED IT RIGHT BEFORE I CAME OUT! WHERE DID HE GO!?

The unknown man turns around, head down and shaking.

Unknown Man: Damn it, every time.

Looking back up at the audience.

Unknown Man: Since none of those guys are going to show up this evening, I guess you’ll just have to make due with me.

The unknown man makes his way to the ring.

Mikey Massacre: Who the hell is this guy? Who we thought was Patient 4479 is anything but.

The unknown man climbs into the ring and continues speaking.

Unknown Man: Seriously folks, the very idea that you thought someone would infringe upon copyright laws for the betterment of your entertainment is hysterical. Do you know what it was like dressing up like that every few days for a quick cameo? It was horrible. However, it served its purpose. Everyone of you thought ‘Patient 4479’ was real and you thought he was really coming here. And your reactions, that’s what sold it.

Mikey Massacre: A ruse?

Unknown Man: At first, every one of you were excited by the idea. Then you got bored with it and eventually, it just became annoying. Everything I was hoping it would be. And now that it didn’t play out quite the way you wanted it to, you seem quite saddened. Why is that? — Is it because you were lied to? — No, I’m sure you’ve been lied to all your lives. You should be accustomed to that by now. — Is it because you were wrong? — Better get used to that feeling, because this is only the first night. — No. I think the reason you’re so upset is because you were made to look like a bunch of idiots.

The unknown man points his fingers around the arena, at the announcer table and into the camera.

Unknown Man: Every single one of you, made out to be idiots. How fitting of a pay-per-view title; Prove Your Worth. I’ve just showed everyone associated with Rebel Pro, from the fan base to the front office to the wrestling ring, just how WORTHLESS you really are. Not a single one of you are worth the shit paper I use to wipe my ass with!!

The unknown man reaches into his shirt pocket and pulls out a piece of wadded up toilet paper, shoving it down the back of his pants and wiping his ass. Pulling the wad back up, he tosses it into the front row of the audience.

Unknown Man: There! Keep it! Don’t say I never gave you anything. — It’s two-ply by the way, so you could share if you want. — How many of you can even afford Charmin two-ply?

Linzi Martin: I can! *raises hand*

Mikey Massacre: It was rhetorical — I think. *raises hand*

Unknown Man: I guess this is the part where I’m supposed to tell you my name.

Mikey Massacre: About time.

Unknown Man: My name is Loren [EXPLETIVE DELETED] Chill!

An eruption of ‘boos’ comes from the crowd and Mikey Massacre goes crazy.

Mikey Massacre: HE CAN’T SAY THAT ON TELEVISION!!!

Loren N. Chill: And while most of the wrestlers in the back are out to prove their best the world has to offer in the ring, my aim is completely different. What that aim is, you’ll just have to figure out on your own.

As Chill begins to exit the ring.

Loren N. Chill: Because if you can’t find the joke…

Chill steps outside of the ring and points to the REBELTron, still flashing “You Are The Joke”. He throws the microphone over his shoulder and makes his way back up the aisle way as “The Outsider [Apocalypse Mix]” by A Perfect Circle fills the arena once more.

Mikey Massacre: I am at a total loss for words right now, ladies and gentlemen. We were all expecting ‘Patient 4479’ and instead we get Loren Chill, who as far as I can tell is — I don’t know what he is.

The camera shows a shot of the arena from the rafters.

Mikey Massacre: Who the fuck is Loren Chill?

Linzi Martin: You don’t think he was that major signing Simon kept hyping up, do you?

Mikey Massacre: Err… Hm.

*****REBEL Pro World Heavyweight Championship Light Tube Death Match*****
*****Vincent Black versus Lisa Seldon©*****

Jenny Jersey: Ladies and gentlemen, it is now time for our main event of the evening!

The, racked with excitement, begin cheering before the first competitor is called – their excitement lifted further by the state of the arena. The theme for this match, as if you could escape it, is glass, or more specifically light tubes. Hundreds of them line three sides of the ring, tied into the ropes and bundled high in the corners. The one remaining side offers no ropes at all, allowing instead for a straight drop to the floor, where even more bundles of tubes line tables and come wrapped in all manner of shapes and sizes. The stage is set, and the fans are at a fever pitch.

Jenny Jersey: Introducing first, the challenger…

“Carbomb” by the Acacia Strain hits as Vincent Black steps out.

Jenny Jersey: Weighing in at 331 pounds, and standing in at 6 feet 11 inches tall…

Black raises his RPW Tag Title in the air, and receives a standing ovation.

Jenny Jersey: Hailing from Glenn Falls, New York… He is one half of the REBEL Pro Tag Team Champions…

Black enters the ring, climbing in right over the top rope.

Jenny Jersey: He is… VINCENT BLAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!

The crowd cheers as he hands off his title to the time keepers for safe keeping.

Jenny Jersey: And now, the champion…

The arena gently sinks into a soft, purple haze. A light guitar gently rocks the speakers and queues up a gentle siren-esque wail.

I watched you change, into a fly
I looked away, you were on fire

Lisa Seldon steps lightly from behind the curtain, slinking through the wash of purple smoke and stepping to the stages edge.

Jenny Jersey: Fighting out of Boston, Massachusetts and weighing in at 125 pounds…

She closes her eyes and lets slip a smile as she lifts her palms up to the sky. Both her title belts are noticeable as she steps from the fog, wrapped one just above the other around her waist, while the rest of her is clothed in red and black chequered Vans’ sneakers, black bell bottom jeans and a white t-shirt, emblazoned with her own logo and name.

I watched a change in you
It’s like you never had wings

She makes a slow descent off the ramp, touching base with a few fans before skipping up onto the apron.

Jenny Jersey: She is the reigning AoWF World Champion and the defending Rebel Pro World Champion… this is… LISA SELDON!

Lisa lands on one knee, allowing her to lean back off the ropes and take a look around the room before slipping through the ropes.

Now you feel so alive
I’ve watched you change

Lisa steps carefully up the ropes, unclips both titles and hoists them high overhead to a rapturous cheer. Black meanwhile looks unfazed and toys with a chair that just happens to have light bulbs taped all across it. Lisa pays him no mind as she soaks in the chairs, before dropping down and settling to her corner. The referee then accepts her belts and carefully passes them off to someone at ringside. Both opponents begin sizing up the fight.

Linzi Martin: I’ve commentated a lot of great matches in my short time with Rebel Pro, but this one has all the makings of a classic. Two eras of Rebel Pro clashing; two of its most definitive champions and two of the most ruthless motherfuckers we’ve ever seen. And if that wasn’t enough, there’s enough glass around this ring to rewall Kibble Palace.

Mikey Massacre: I’m not even going to pretend I know where that is, but I will say that I’ve been looking forward to a match like this for a long time. And in it, I’m predicting a new world champion, one willing to help drive us back toward the way Rebel used to be… and should be again.

Linzi Martin: Bold prediction there, still, if anyone can dethrone Rebel Pro’s longest reigning champion, it’s that man right there. And there’s the bell!

Black rushes forward at the call, swings and catches the air as Lisa rolls under his first shot, jumps back to her feet and darts backwards out the way of his second. Black ruses forward and swings again, only for Lisa to throw herself down and through his legs with a Baseball Slide. Black then stumbles to the ropes and narrowly short of the glass, before turning and eating a Yakuza Kick to the chest that sends him back and crashing through the first tubes of the match, sending a shower of shards from the ring while the smoke plumes upward.

Linzi Martin: And there goes our first shot of the night!

Black grits his teeth and peels himself from the ropes, but he manages to keep hold of his chair, and as Lisa turns her back to him to catch her balance, he falls forward and rips the glass laden chair across her back.

Linzi Martin: And there’s our second! Looks like these two aren’t messing around.

Mikey Massacre: Well yeah. This isn’t some shit PWA title match. This is the Rebel fucking Pro World title.

Lisa succumbs to her knees and then rolls to the outside with Black in hot pursuit. Black then stalks her while taking off his chair, twisting it up and then wrapping it around Lisa’s throat from behind. She tries to turn into it to avoid a choke, but Black holds both ends in one hand and uses it like a collar to lead Lisa across the floor and then send her flying overhead where she crashes down hard to the concrete.

Mikey Massacre: Black showing absolutely no concern for himself as he throws as he takes the fight to Seldon. I kinda like this side of him.

Linzi Martin: He’s going to regret that when the glass starts flying again.

Mikey Massacre: Only if he gets in the way of it.

Black holds his grip on the shirt and uses it to lead her up and then back to the ring which she hits with a thump. Black then rolls in and Lisa is pulled after him, dragged into the centre of the ring and then abandoned as Vincent goes after a broken tube. He finds one with a nice enough point and then pulls Lisa’s head off the mat, sitting her up, dropping in behind with an arm around her throat and then stabbing her in the top of the head three times over before the tube comes apart in his hand.

Linzi Martin: Vincent just stabbing away at the world champion.

Mikey Massacre: Soon to be ex-world champion.

Linzi Martin: Oh really.

Mikey Massacre: Shit yeah! It’s time to bring the belt back to Rebel Pro!

Black then gets Lisa up and whips her to the ropes, only for her to drop with Baseball slide through the gap and end up back out on the floor. Black runs after her and reaches through the ropes to grab her hair, but he misses her snatching up a bundle of tubes and turning to smash them over his head, just missing his face as he manages to duck forward in time. Lisa then throws the remains to the floor and grabs a couple more tubes to take to the ring. Back inside Black falls to his backside and Lisa stands the tubes in front of him, giving her a direct point of impact as she rears back and fires off a Roundhouse Kick that shatters the glass against his chest.

Linzi Martin: And Lisa rips him in half.

Mikey Massacre: I’m surprised she’s even strong enough to break the glass!

Not content, Lisa lifts another two tubes out from the ropes and settles them against his chest once more before sticking them to him with a kick. The glass explodes in little sharps, peeling Vincent’s chest and causing a few points of blood to form. Black then gets to his knees as Lisa comes forward with more glass, only for Black to shrug it aside, push forward and drive Lisa into the ropes with a Spear, crushing her against the glass in the ropes. Vincent then tosses her to the mat and gathers up a handful of tubes of his own, which he then smashes across Lisa’s back, sending her to the mat.

Mikey Massacre: Vincent finally showing that slut what’s up.

Linzi Martin: Little harsh.

Black tosses the remains aside and hauls Lisa to her knees, whereupon he peels off her shirt, revealing a tight pleather crop top that she wears underneath, just to be safe in such occasions, and earning a few hoots and hollers from the fans.

Mikey Massacre: Looks like Vincent wants to show her what pain actually feels like for a change.

Linzi Martin: Pity she wears a top under her shirt. So says I, horrible stereotype lesbian commentator who is about as likeable as an Emily Corlen shit in your toaster.

Black tosses her shirt to some lucky, hopefully not perverted fan before putting a foot against her back and kicking her to the canvas. Vincent then steps through, grinding her chest and now exposed stomach into the various bits of broken glass now starting to fill the ring and even going as far as to lift his other foot off the mat to weigh her down further. Lisa pounds the mat with her fist, prompting the referee to step in and check her, but Lisa blows him off and weathers the pain until Vincent finally steps off. He then grabs her by the hair and shoves her into a corner.

Mikey Massacre: Showing her how a man does it.

Linzi Martin: Because the way she does it isn’t quite good enough.

Mikey Massacre: Not compared to this. Finally someone is stepping up and putting her in her place.

Lisa gets to her knees before Black lunges forward and cracks the side of her face with a knee, knocking her head to one side and cracking it off a tube in the ropes before leaving her in a heap. He then gathers up another big bundle of tubes from across the way and places them against her chest before taking up space in an adjacent corner. The fans cheer as Vincent then throws himself forward, kicks out a leg and rips through the glass, sending an explosion across the side of her face.

Mikey Massacre: HUGE Facewash from the future champ!

Linzi Martin: What’s your problem anyway, you don’t even like Black.

Mikey Massacre: I don’t, but at least he’s real Rebel Pro through and through. Not like high and mighty Lisa fucking Seldon, coming down from the heavens to teach us all how to be superstars. We don’t need fucking media darlings. We need guys like Vincent Black, kicking ass and not giving a fuck about anything else.

Vincent pulls Lisa out by the ankle and then rolls his way into a pin.

1

2

Linzi Martin: Lisa’s safe at two!

Mikey Massacre: I think safe is a bit of a reach. He’s just wearing her down.

Vincent dusts himself off and then pulls Lisa to her feet. Black then hits her with a Back Elbow to lay her up in the corner before heading across the way and picking out another heavy bundle of glass. He then turns, gets Lisa in his sights and charges forward, only for Lisa to push herself out of the corner, kick up her feet and throw up a Shotgun Dropkick that shatters the tubes against his chest and sends him back to the mat.

Linzi Martin: And Lisa fights back with a brutal Dropkick that sends him away.

Mikey Massacre: Reeked of desperation to me. She knows it’s just a matter of time before Vincent finally flattens hers.

Lisa drags herself off the mat and then sets Vincent flat with a kick. He goes down and Lisa gathers up the remains of the glass, throwing it down on his chest and then crushing it between them with a Knee-Tuck Standing Moonsault. She grimaces but bares it, and holds herself on top for a pin.

1

2

Linzi Martin: And Vincent kicks out at two.

Mikey Massacre: That’s it Vinny! Fight your way back.

Lisa staggers up and brushes the glass from her front, only for it to come up in red blotches as blood starts escape her wounds. Lisa shrugs it off and sits Black up, only to put him right back down with a Shin Kick down his spine. Black grits his teeth and rolls away, ending up back out on the free side once more. Lisa let’s him up and then fires with a Baseball Slide, catching him in the back of the head and sending him to the rail. She then urges the fans to move, causing a scatter of bodies as she waits for Black to turn and the fires at him with a dive, only for Vincent to get his hands up and send her overhead into the crowd. The fans cheer as she crashes through the chairs, but Black takes no time to celebrate, and instead pulls a table into play.

Linzi Martin: There’s a lot of glass lain across that table.

Mikey Massacre: Vincent pulling out the big guns!

Black then reaches over the rail and snatches Lisa up in a Front Facelock, where he easily lifts Lisa up for a Vertical Suplex. The fans start a count but he only holds her straight for a second before falling back and crushing the light-tube laden table beneath them, which goes up in a great cloud of glass, dust and splinters.

Crowd: Holy shit! Holy shit!

Linzi Martin: Holy shit is right!

The crowd sing on as Vincent pulls himself up and brings Lisa after, both now bleeding profusely. That doesn’t stop him carrying on though, and he tosses her up to the mat before throwing himself on her for the cover.

1

2

Linzi Martin: And the champ saves herself.

Mikey Massacre: Get this shit done, Vincent and bring the belt back home already!

Black pushes Lisa away and then turns to setup another light-tube wrapped table at ringside. He then jumps back into the ring and goes at Lisa with a Double Axe-Handle shot before pulling her into a Standing Headscissors.

Linzi Martin: He’s going for the New Hope!

Mikey Massacre: He really needs to change that fucking name.

Black reaches down but Lisa grabs a leg and drops to her knees, preventing him getting her into the air. Black instead steps back and drops a fist into her back before standing her up and into an Irish Whip. Lisa however holds on, turns and throws up a leg to smash him in the side of the head with Roundhouse Kick, instantly sinking him to a knee. Lisa staggers back but stays up and then steps forward to tear a knee through his face, sending him to the canvas. Lisa then falls into a cover.

1

2

Linzi Martin: And Black pulls out the escape again.

Lisa pulls herself out of the sticky mess they’re quickly becoming and grabs another few tubes out of the ropes. She the lines them up together and pulls Vincent up to all fours above him. Lisa then puts a foot on the back of his head.

Linzi Martin: Curb Stomp!

And drives it down, shattering the hollow tubes against his forehead, much to the enjoyment of the fans who continue cheering her on. Vincent kicks his feet but soon settles when Lisa puts a foot in his ribs and rolls him to his back.

1

2

Linzi Martin: And Vincent Black makes it two yet again!

Lisa pulls herself up and into the ropes, sliding out another two tubes as she waits for him to stand. She then rushes forward with the tubes outstretched and buries them into his chest with a kick that sends him across the way. Not to be out done though, Vincent pulls free some glass of his and swings back, shattering it across the top of Lisa’s head and sending her away. Lisa then returns once more, burying another glass filled kick into his stomach and prompting Vincent to hulk up again and rattle her over the head with another tube shot of his own which sends her to a knee.

Linzi Martin: And now they’re really laying into each other!

Mikey Massacre: Don’t duel with her. Put her the fuck down already.

Black stumbles back into the ropes as he waits for Lisa to stand, only to watch as she pulls herself to her feet, grabs another bundle of glass and drives it into his chest on the end of a kick. The fans jump to their feet and Vincent does the same, grabbing another handful of tubes and rushing her again.

Linzi Martin: Swing and a miss!

Lisa ducks the shot and lets the glass shatter against the mat. She then grabs some more tubes of her own and turns but Black is already waiting, and as Lisa gets the tubes up, he pounces forward and rips through them with a huge right hand.

Mikey Massacre: Motherfucking Haymaker! And he wipes her out.

Vincent stumbles back with his hand a mess. Lisa meanwhile falls into the ropes, weeping glass and blood and barely able to stand. Vincent shakes it out his hand while pulling Lisa out of the ropes with the other. He then pulls her in to a knee in the stomach and secures a Gutwrench. Lisa tries to kick free but he barely gives her a second before he tosses her into the air, spins her around and then fires her back into the canvas, sending a spray of glass up off the mat with the force.

Linzi Martin: Huge Aeroplane Spin Gutwrench Powerbomb thing!

Mikey Massacre: Cover! Finish her!

Black drops to his knees on top of her.

1

2

Linzi Martin: No! Lisa kicks out at two!

Black pulls himself off of Lisa and then grabs another bundle of tubes from the corner and holds them high above his head to force a reaction from the fans. Lisa however manages to pull herself to her knees and takes him down with a Legsweep. Vincent then falls to his back and Lisa gets up, jumps into the air and coils up her legs, bringing her full weight down on top of him with a Double Stomp and bursting the glass against his chest.

Linzi Martin: Huge Double Stomp from the champ! And look at the blood fly!

Lisa crashes straight through Black and then drops into him for a cover.

1

2

Linzi Martin: And he’s out at two!

Mikey Massacre: Stop pissing around!

Lisa fights her way off him and stumbles into the corner for another thick bundle of tubes that she sets up across the middle turnbuckle. Lisa then turns back to Vincent and dodges a Clothesline. Black falls and almost collides with the glass, only to save himself with the ropes. It doesn’t stop Lisa getting the jump on him though, as she throws her knees into the back of his head and smashes him face first into the glass.

Linzi Martin: Oh! She might have just ripped his face off!

Mikey Massacre: She weighs about 100 pounds. How much impact can that even be!

Lisa drops behind him and pulls Black into a modified School Boy Roll-Up.

Linzi Martin: Oyster Shell! She’s got him tight!

1

Mikey Massacre: Kick out!

2

Linzi Martin: No! The ref calls it two! He’s still in.

Lisa pushes Black away with disgust and drops out of the ring to gather up some supplies. The fans are then roused as she returns with what can best be described as a light tube log cabin, stacked four tubes high on each side. She carefully pushes it to the centre of the ring and then hangs Black over it on all flours before hitting the ropes behind him.

Linzi Martin: He’s going through!

Mikey Massacre: Move you stupid piece of shit.

Lisa kicks off his back and brings her feet down with a Double Stomp, but Black steps back and let’s her land on the mat, before grabbing her around the waist and tossing her straight up into the air.

Linzi Martin: What strength!

Mikey Massacre: She doesn’t weigh shit. That’s like tossing a plastic bag in the wind.

Lisa finds herself on his shoulders and throws a few fists to get free, but Vincent steps forward, pushes her up and then sits out, bringing her face first down into a mess of tubes that that burst across her front.

Mikey Massacre: Electric Chair Drop! And that bitch is toast!

Vincent struggles but rolls her onto her back.

1

2

Mikey Massacre: 3!

Linzi Martin: No, it was only a 2 count!

Mikey Massacre: It was 3!

Black pulls himself up with the ref and threatens to knock him out, but the ref stands his ground and waves two fingers in his face. Black then pushes the man to the floor. He then lifts Lisa to her knees and points down to the table at ringside.

Mikey Massacre: Now we’re talking.

Vincent Black hunkers down and brings Lisa up onto his shoulders in a Fireman’s Carry before crossing the mat. Black moves to the edge of the ring and prepares to jump, but Lisa swings a knee up into his jaw, catching him off guard and allowing her to slip from his grasp. Lisa lands behind him and waits for him to turn, where she sinks a kick into his gut to bend him forward before stepping back and lashing out with a Superkick, blasting him just under the jaw and sending him stumbling back to the edge.

Linzi Martin: He’s teetering! He’s gonna fall!

Black saves himself from plummeting and staggers a step forward to safety, but Lisa has other ideas and charges forward, brings both her knees up and crashes them through his chest, sending both of them over the edge. The crowd scream as both competitors fall from the ring and Black hits the table with an explosion of glass at his back before the wood splinters beneath. Lisa herself rides it through, sending him through to the floor before she spills forward off him to safety.

Linzi Martin: My God! Vincent Black has just been destroyed.

Mikey Massacre: What the fuck is he doing? He’s a Rebel Pro icon and this 125 pound whore is ripping the shit out of him.

Linzi Martin: Well she is the longest reigning champion in Rebel Pro history.

Mikey Massacre: She’s fighting the motherfucking Phoenix and a brain dead Bubba J! She’ll run forever if Black doesn’t stop her, but he’s too busy lying on his face eating glass and inhaling poisonous fumes!

The two are them are a mess at this point, wounded and bleeding profusely all over. Lisa pulls herself up with the rail and touches the top of her head where a deep gash has been building through the night. The rest of her doesn’t look much better, with blood dripping down in a trail down her forehead and the rest of her wracked with cuts. Black doesn’t look an better, smeared in his own blood, and as he lifts his head its clear there’s a deep slip straight across it from his last fall. Never the less, Lisa waits for him to rise before throwing a punt kick straight between his eyes and snapping his head back. Lisa then grabs the nearest glass thing and breaks it across his chest for good measure.

Linzi Martin: All finesse is tossed aside and now Lisa is just lighting him up.

Mikey Massacre: Funny, she spends all this time pretending she’s above everyone here. Well now that entitled, elitist bitch gets a chance to feel what it’s like to be in a fight for your life.

Lisa clears the resounding area of things and sets about a little building project consisting of two bundles of tubes placed so far apart with a few more lain across them in a bridge. Lisa then picks one more item out of a pile and holds it high for everyone to see.

Mikey Massacre: It’s…

Linzi Martin: It’s a giant light tube Star of David.

Mikey Massacre: But why?

Linzi Martin: I guess it was so Vincent wouldn’t feel left out.

Mikey Massacre: Wait, what?

Linzi Martin: Well, he’s Vincent Black, isn’t he. He’s Jewish.

Mikey Massacre: …

Linzi Martin: Isn’t that how they do it? With colour names?

Mikey Massacre: … No it’s alloys, you thick shit!

Linzi Martin: Not always!

Mikey Massacre: Name me one other famous Jew who’s name is just a colour.

Linzi Martin: Marina Blue.

Mikey Massacre: Go fuck yourself.

Jewy or not, it’s big and so Lisa adds it to the top of the pile before feeding Vincent in with a kick. She then sets up and jumps for a Guillotine Facebuster, but Black stands up through it, catching her other leg in the process and letting her hang from his shoulders. Black than drags Lisa into the air and takes a running leap toward the glass.

Mikey Massacre: The New Hope!

Lisa holds on tight but it’s a pointless gesture as Vincent points the back of her head into the glass and hammers it through to the floor. Ripping a further deep gash through it before cracking her off the floor, and letting her fall dead in his hands.

Mikey Massacre: Go for the pin, you fuck! End this!

Vincent slumps back, blood pumping from every cut and his eyes starting to glaze, but never the less he fights through the pain, pushing her legs back and stacking her for the pin.

1

2

3!

Linzi Martin: No!!

Mikey Massacre: Oh what the hell!?

The referee’s hand never hit! She’s still in it!

Linzi Martin: This is some bullshit!

Black falls back in defeat as Lisa kicks free to safety. The fans meanwhile are on their feet, stomping, banging the rails and cheering both competitors on. With the crowd behind him, Black is drawn back to his feet.

Linzi Martin: This is insane. These two are going to kill each other.

Mikey Massacre: As long as that mouthy cunt drops the belt I don’t care how it happens. It’s time for a change back to the old ways, and if Vincent has to be the guy to do it, then I’ll live with it.

Lisa is finally peeled off the floor, exposing her back which, for a moment, is stuck solid to the floor. Off the ground her back is exposed to the camera and every stomach turns at the sight, her back raw, awash in blood and the skin even starting to peel. Black refuses to let up though and throws her into the ring before securing some more goods. He then pushes in a few more items, namely a few more bails of tubes a table and one more giant bundle of fluorescent glass, strapped together in a giant cross.

Linzi Martin: Oh this is just getting ridiculous.

Lisa gets to her knees before Vincent cracks another tube off the back of her head to lay her out. He then sets up the table and layers it in every tube he can find, including the giant ominous cross as its centre piece. He then turns to Lisa and pulls her to her feet.

Mikey Massacre: New Hope again. And now surely it’s time to put her away.

Black raises his fists over his head and soaks in a cheer, before finally dragging Lisa up and over his shoulder. He then charges at the table, only to feel her slip out and fall behind. She lands shaky on her feet but manages to catch him on the turn and fires forward with her heel smashing into his chest. Lisa then catches the back of his head and pulls him forward, right into a knee that splits his jaw.

Linzi Massacre: Muay-Thai Clinch! And this is where she put him out last time!

Mikey Massacre: Shake her the fuck off! She’s half your size!

Lisa rattles him with one from the right and then a second from the left that opens up a further gash, but he shrugs her off and catches her next shot, allowing him to drive her back into the ropes and destroying any glass left hanging amongst them. Lisa winces at the pain and throws out an elbow to force him back and allow her to scrape down the ropes, catching all manner of flakes and shards before she hits the floor.

Mikey Massacre: It’s time to end this shit!

Black stumbles to the table, but grabs the first taped up bundle at hand and turns, right into the path of Lisa Seldon, who jumps up, catches them with her heel and shatters them against the side of his head.

Linzi Martin: Heads Will Roll!

Lisa falls in a heap as Black drops forward, stiff as a board. Lisa then throws herself across the mat and pushes him onto his back.

Linzi Martin: Lisa falls into the cover!

Mikey Massacre: Don’t you die on me you fat fuck!

1

2

Mikey Massacre: Kickout!

Linzi Martin: It’s just two! It’s just two!

The fans are beside themselves and whipped into a frenzy as the referee frantically waves the match on. Lisa meanwhile slumps to her knees and pushes a thick wet mess of blood soaked hair from her eyes, visibly stumped as to what to do next. The fans spur her on though and Lisa pounds the mat, causing the fans to take up the rhythm and drive her to fight on.

Linzi Martin: The atmosphere in here is insane! It’s an old and new Rebel Pro collision and the fans don’t know who to pick. It’s deafening.

Mikey Massacre: Then these must be the new fans, because the people who were here when I was coming up woulda driven her and her PWA shit out into the street.

Linzi Martin: She’s not even a PWA wrestler! She’s Rebel Pro!

Mikey Massacre: She’s about as Rebel Pro as you are.

Lisa throws herself into the ropes and uses them for stability as she fights back up. She then looms over Vincent with a Double Underhook and pulls him to his knees, where upon she fires a sickening flurry of knees of her own into his chest. Vincent eats five or six before he is finally able to push her off, but he succumbs to the blows and falls forward, allowing Lisa to rip through his face with a kick as she comes off the ropes. Black falls into the ropes and ends up on his feet, only to fall forward into a kick that doubles him over. Lisa then grabs some nearby glass, holds it up against his chest and then sticks it through him with the point of her knee to send him to the corner. Not content there though, Lisa rushes forward, throws up her leg and shatters the side of his jaw with a Yakuza Kick.

Linzi Martin: Horrendous flurry of moves from Lisa! And the fans are firmly behind her.

Mikey Massacre: Then they’re all sycophantic motherfuckers with no real knowledge or respect for the guys who got us here.

Lisa struggles to free her leg until Black helps her out, pushing her up and across the ring. Lisa fights through though and comes up standing, allowing her to block a kick and spin him to his back while she does the same, coming round and rattling his skull with a Roaring Elbow to the back of his head. Black falls into the ropes again but comes back with an Elbow before turning and firing off a few quick body blows. He then catches an arm and tries to reel her in for a Clothesline, but Lisa ducks under and comes up behind him, where she drives her heel into the back of his knee to take him down. Lisa then grabs another bundle of fluorescent lights from the table, hoists them up high and then brings them down to bare, shattering across the back off his head.

Linzi Martin: Lisa is laying waste to the ring!

Glass and fog flies in every direction, but Lisa isn’t done, and grabs up yet more and more glass, shattering it all across his head. Black falls to all fours as Lisa runs wild, picking up everything she can and blasting him with it until there’s nothing left with wreckage. She then finds herself with the glass cross, matching her in size and earning a cheer of it’s own, but instead of attacking she puts it aside and pulls Black up onto the table. She then fires off a wicked series of forearms to soften him up, before turning with the light tube cross and laying it across his chest.

Linzi Martin: She’s heading for the ropes!

Lisa collapses into the corner, but wastes no time in throwing herself up to the second before clambering to the third. Black is already starting to stir, forcing Lisa to take her chance and leap up; pulling her knees in beneath as she flies high into the air.

Linzi Martin: Horror Pop!

Mikey Massacre: Move dammit!

Lisa lands through an ungodly sound, falling knees first and tearing through everything between her and the mat, sending hunks of glass into Black’s while cracking him against the wood. Shards of glass blast back and catch her about the face, but Lisa drives through, and breaks him against the mat. As Vincent hits the mat so do her knees, and she doesn’t so much move as she does slump with a cover as the ref rushes in.

1

Mikey Massacre: No!

2

Mikey Massacre: Kick out you useless piece of shit!

3!

Linzi Martin: And that’s three! She’s done it! She retains.

The cheer goes up at the count of three, and Lisa, finally finished, falls to her back.

Announcer: Here is your winner… And STILL Rebel Pro World Champion… LISA SELDON!!!

Mikey tosses his water bottle at the ring in disgust at the decision. The fans meanwhile are a buzz, and a chant of her name rings across the arena.

Linzi Martin: Well you can pout all you want, but you can’t deny when it came to the night, she was the better wrestler.

Mikey Massacre: She beat fucking Vincent Black, and now she’s going to celebrate like she just won the fucking Superbowl.

Lisa pulls herself up with the ropes and tosses her hand into the air. The referee then hands off her belt and steps aside as Lisa jumps up into the neatest corner and tosses it up high to the approval of the fans.

Mikey Massacre: I mean look at her; she’s 125 pounds! We’re trying to take the ethics we built on and turn this into one of the biggest companies in the world, and yet we’ve got this embarrassment on top. We have a 125 pound HEAVYWEIGHT champion!

Linzi Martin: She’s the best wrestler we have.

Mikey Massacre: Beating fucking Vincent Black and Bubba J doesn’t make you the best and it certainly doesn’t mean you deserve to be the World fucking Champion. This is the best company in the world and yet this tiny, stupid bitch is making us look like a laughing stock! We built this place on a foundation of hardcore, ass kicking action, and yet our best guys can’t even seem to get past this pair of tits attached to a world title!

Mikey punches the announce desk.

Mikey Massacre: Fuck this shit.

Mikey throws down his headset and storms away. Meanwhile Lisa leaves one corner and takes over another, throwing up her belt and soaking in the admiration of the fans. What she doesn’t see then is Mikey Massacre sliding into the ring with a florescent light in hand, and as Lisa jumps off the ropes and turns, she walks right into a shot from Mikey Massacre, who breaks the light across her face.

Linzi Martin: Oh my God! He just hit her in the eye!

Lisa goes down holding her face and Mikey sets about her, dropping kicks any space he can find before snatching up the chair from earlier and burying it across her back. Lisa goes down and Mikey drops it again and again, stopping only once to push the referee aside before cracking the belt across her head and tossing it to the mat.

Linzi Martin: Mikey has just gone insane!

Referee’s flood the ring and force Mikey to back off, they then crowd Lisa and try to help her up, only for Mikey to come back and start tossing bodies aside. He then snatches what must be the very last bundle of tubes and lays them across Lisa’s front before lifting the chair again and making for the ropes. Referee’s flood in again but they’re too late, as Mikey comes off the ropes with the chair at his chest and explodes the glass against Lisa with a Frogsplash.

Linzi Martin: Mikey destroys Lisa with the Sellout! He’s going nuts on her.

Mikey rolls away, clutching his front and breathing hard, but a smile finally creeps across his stomach as he watches the referees swarm the downed opponent. Mikey then clambers back to his feet and looks down from Lisa to Vincent, scrunches up his face and then spits in his face. The majority of the fans are shocked into silence, while the rest let him know how they feel, turning on him and showering him in hate. Mikey shrugs it off though and turns to the back, leaving both competitors down and in his wake.

Linzi Martin: My God, I don’t know what’s gotten into him.

One team helps Black out of the ring while the other helps up Lisa. The camera moves in and it’s clear that the area around her eye is cut bad while the rest of her remains torn to shreds. They move in closer still to pick up some sound, and just manage to catch Lisa telling one of the referees that she can’t see out of her right eye.

Linzi Martin: Well I guess she’s the winner tonight, but she certainly doesn’t look it now.

Lisa is helped from the ring and to the back, but still stops once at the top of the ramp to turn and hoist her title into the air.

*****The Game Has Changed*****

Just as Lisa turns around to exit, “Knights of Cydonia” by Muse hits over the speakers. The REBELTron goes black, the lights go out except for a single spotlight at the entrance itself where Lisa is. She looks up, still fucked up and unable to even see clearly.

Linzi Martin: No way… No way. The mystery man! The big signing! It’s… It’s…

The name burns into the REBELTron, and the crowd goes NUTS.

F.L.Y.N.N.

Jamie Flynn steps out, the arena is thunderous in their reaction.

Linzi Martin: Holy SHIT! JAMIE FLYNN IS IN REBEL PRO?!

Flynn holds up neatly stapled stack of papers. The camera zooms in to find it is, indeed, a REBEL Pro contract. Lisa breathes heavily, staring across at him. Flynn holds up the contract for her to see, smirking as he points to the gold on her shoulders.

Linzi Martin: What the FUCK! Mikey Massacre goes nuts! Lisa somehow, some way manages to overcome a relentless Vinny Black and now this… Jamie fucking Flynn in REBEL Pro! WHOA!

Lisa raises her World titles in the air, strongly and confidently as she stares back at him.

Linzi Martin: We’re out of time… My god. For Mikey Massacre… This is Linzi Martin! SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!

We fade to one last shot of both Flynn and Seldon staring each other down as we fade to the REBEL Pro logo…

*****QUICK RESULTS*****

Virgil Keenan defeats Bobby Lee & Jimmy Henderson, thanfully the alien invasion of Earth has yet to happen.. For now.
Jaice Wilds defeats Lucious Starr as PWA’s World Champ Panzadise fucks shit up
Legion defeats Gabe Shelley and the world is a darker place for it.
Matt Stone defeats Suukya, after Maverick gets himself a fancy replacement. Who dies.
Case Filed Rockets defeat Style Clash to become NOC to Tag Titles in a controversial finish!
Violet Harper defeats J.T. Whiplash, but only narrowly avoiding being dethroned. Sexy Time Continues!
Lisa Seldon defeats Vincent Black in a crazy wild death match with light tubes and then Mikey Massacre fucks everyone and everything up with Jamie Flynn popping in at the end of it all to let us know, hey, he’s here and you’re probably fucked.

THE BLOAD SOAKED EDITION!
(Kinda like every show, really. Stop being a smart ass)

*****This Is Why We Can‘t Have Nice Things*****

We fade in following the intro, with Kalis sitting at his desk, his face buried in his hands. There is a shiny metal briefcase on his desk which we take note of.

Simon Kalis: I let you run the show for one night, Jer. One damn night.

Kalis looks up and holds up a local paper from Chattanooga.

Simon Kalis: And the world implodes in on itself.

Gold sighs, as he sits across from Simon. Rupert the Kangaroo is eating a piece of lettuce, nodding.

Rupert The Kangaroo: *Making kangaroo noises, whatever that is.*

Jeremy Gold: Yeah, I know Rupert.

Kalis rolls his eyes.

Simon Kalis: What do I do with you?

Jeremy Gold: Give me an assistant.

Kalis spins in his chair. We imagine if he had hair, he’d pull it out.

Simon Kalis: You’re supposed to be my assistant.

Jeremy Gold: I thought I was the General Manager! Almost the whole time, you’ve never let me generally manage anything.

Rupert The Kangaroo hisses.

Simon Kalis: No, because you’re an idiot. If I actually left you to your own devices, Bobby Lee would threaten you and get a World title shot every week.

Gold scratches his chin, and nods.

Jeremy Gold: True, but…

Kalis reaches under his desk and hands Gold a baseball bat.

Jeremy Gold: Wha… What’s this for?

Kalis points to the door.

Simon Kalis: Your match. Get the fuck out of here, bro. And try not to shit yourself this time. We get complaints from the other wrestlers that the ring smells like urine and feces after you’re in it.

Gold quivers, biting his bottom lip as he gets up.

Jeremy Gold: What about Inferno? Where’s Inferno?

Kalis shrugs.

Simon Kalis: Don’t worry, I got you a new tag team partner.

Jeremy Gold: You did?! IS IT YOU?!

Kalis looks himself over, decked out in a tailor made Brioni suit.

Simon Kalis: Does it look like it’s me?

Gold sighs, and Rupert pats him on the back as Gold gets up to leave. He stops, a light bulb over his head we imagine.

Jeremy Gold: Is my tag partner Rupert?!

The kangaroo lights a cigarette then looks up surprised.

Simon Kalis: Are you kidding me? The kangaroo? No.

Gold sighs, and walks out as Simon taps the metal briefcase as the door shuts behind Gold.

Female Voice: I’m ready.

Kalis turns his head to the bathroom as the door opens, and a fairly fat woman in all black steps out. Her face is covered by a mask, with a hood over her head. But one things for certain… She’s fat as fuck.

Simon Kalis: Good luck, sweety. Try not to let him die.

She giggles as she steps passed Simon and nods.

Masked Woman: I won’t.

*****Style Clash versus Golden Inferno*****

DING DING

Jenny Jersey: The following is a First Blood Special Tag Team Match!

“Born This Way” by Lady GaGa hits.

Jenny Jersey: Introducing first!

Gold steps out from backstage with some trepidation as his rainbow themed light laser show goes off. He’s decked out in an Adidas track suit as he jogs to the ring, his trusty Red Bull in hand which he quickly chugs.

Jenny Jersey: He is the General Manager of REBEL Pro… JEREMY GOLD!!!

Gold slides into the ring, feeling pumped from his Red Bull and cigarette diet as he hops around the ring, throwing his arms up bravely. The music stops, and “It’s Raining Men” by Gerri Halliwell hits over the speakers.

Jenny Jersey: His tag partner!

A bunch of shirtless yet buff looking men, run out onto the stage and begin dancing and gyrating. The female fans in the crowd are loving it, but the male fans are all “WTF”…

Jenny Jersey: She stands in at 5’8 tall, weighing in at not actually 776 pounds…

The mysterious woman jumps out, grinding against one of the men as she bobs her head to the theme.

Jenny Jersey: She hails from somewhere in Illinois!

Gold is dancing around and winking at the guys on stage who try to ignore his weird ass as he twirls his arms in the air, happy at the thought of the sky raining men.

Mikey Massacre: Dear god…

Linzi Martin: What a GREAT way to open up Aggression! YEAH! FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HISTORY! IT’S GONNA START RAINING MEN!

Mikey Massacre: …

Linzi Martin: SING WITH ME! IT’S RAINING MEN!!!!! COME ON MIKEY!

Linzi seems to be enjoying the eccentric entrance.

Jenny Jersey: Making her triumphant return to the REBEL Pro…

Mikey Massacre: Wait a god damn minute.

The woman rips her hoody off to reveal a tight fitting sports bra, and her mask drops… The crowd jeers in terror as the sports bra does everything in its power not to rip apart at this obese womans massive rolls and sagging breasts.

Jenny Jersey: THE RUBY VAGINE… EMLEE KORLIN!!!!

Mikey Massacre: Oh my god…

She runs down to the ring, though has to stop in order to make sure she doesn’t run out of breath. She begns ripping off her black sweat pants to reveal some booty shorts which cannot contain the jowls and flaps of her tubby ass as she hops and skips around the ring slapping the hands of the fans she passes. Gold is running in circles, so happy as Ruby Vagine hops up onto the apron and bends over very sexually, slapping her ass before climbing into the ring and joining Jeremy Gold in an awkward dance. A few fans at ringside puke in disgust.

Linzi Martin: Whoa! I did not need to see that!

Mikey Massacre: I don’t think anyone did, Linzi.

The party ends though as “Love and War” by Drowning Pool hits.

Jenny Jersey: And their opponents! Introducing first… He hails from Boulder, Colorado…

Taboo steps out onto the stage, the fans going nuts as they bare witness to a legend in the flesh.

Jenny Jersey: He is TABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Taboo shoots his arms up, the crowd going nuts as Jeremy Gold grabs onto some fat flab from Korlin and cries into it.

An old fashioned movie countdown begins over the REBELTron…

3.…

2.…

1.……

Pyros EXPLODE all over the stage and around the ring.

Jenny Jersey: And fighting out of Durham, North Carolina… “THE SHOW” Chad Kurtis!!!!

Kurtis joins Taboo atop the stage and both men look intense, focused and above all else ready as they make their way to the ring.

Jenny Jersey: Together, they are…. STYLE CLASH!!!

They bum rush the ring and open up a can of whoop ass on Gold and Korlin.

DING DING DING

Taboo grabs onto Korlin and hits her with a belly to belly suplex to the canvas as Chad Kurtis implant DDTs Gold hard into the canvas. Kurtis with a moonsault right onto Gold as Taboo lifts Korlin up again. Taboo with a snap suplex, the impact shaking the ring. Kurtis has Gold in the corner, Gold is begging for his dear life as Kurtis gives him a few good knife edge chops across the chest.

Mikey Massacre: Style Clash is BACK in the business baby, and what a beat down they’re laying on the new Golden Inferno tandem!

Linzi Martin: Poor Jeremy, he’s already crying.

Gold begins SCREAMING AS LOUD AS HE CAN at Chad Kurtis. Kurtis backs away, holding his ears and Gold begins slapping him silly with both hands to no real effect. Kurtis just stands there taking the slaps and scratches, unimpressed as Taboo just mashes Korlin out with a German suplex.

Linzi Martin: I feel bad for Emily Corlen.

Mikey Massacre: You mean Emlee Korlin!

Linzi Martin: No, I meant Corlen. This Korlin bitch is obviously an underhanded shot at The Emerald Phoenix.

Mikey Massacre: Yeah, wonder what makes you think that.

Gold flips himself over the top rope to the outside and begins running. Kurtis springboards himself off the ropes with an asai moonsault and catches Gold perfectly on the outside. Korlin goes for a heavy fist to Taboo, but Taboo dodges and grabs onto her but his grip slips off the greasy fat womans flab. Taboo grabs her again, Northern Lights suplex! He immediately grabs her leg and locks in the Taboo Squeeze!!! His grip keeps slipping off her as Crisco expunges itself via sweat from her body, and she’s tapping out.

Mikey Massacre: Tonight, everything is first blood.

Linzi Martin: Yep!

Kurtis whips Jeremy Gold into the barricade which separates fans from the action. Gold can be seen begging a fan to save him but the five year old child just giggles. Kurtis pulls gold back and then cracks his head over the metal post. Kurtis goes under the ring, inside Korlin is screaming for Raptor Jesus to save her as Taboo finally lets go of the hold. Kurtis grabs a bat from under the ring. He swings! Gold ducks! It splinters! He swings again, and now it catches Gold across the forehead!

Mikey Massacre: GOLD IS BLEEDING! His team has one minute to make either Taboo or Kurtis bleed!

Gold begins crying as he bleeds all over the place. Meanwhile, The Ruby Vagine is free of Taboo’s non-stop suplexing her fat jowly ass to hell. She begins to climb the turnbuckles, the ring is creaking. Kurtis steps back on the outside, shaking his head at Taboo who does his best to size up the flying elephant. The counter is at 30 seconds.

Mikey Massacre: No… No… DON’T DO IT!

Emlee Korlin jumps off with a body splash, but Taboo catches her… BIG BANG THEORY!!! THE RING FUCKING IMPLODES UPON IMPACT!!! She is DONE. Taboo is like WHOA! Kurtis is shocked! Gold is crying! The counter hits 5!

4…

3.…

2.…

1…

DING DING DING

Kurtis keeps beating on Gold with the splintered bat, as Gold tries to escape. Korlin is bleeding from the impact, or it might be period blood. Taboo is careful as he steps out of the now crushed ring.

Jenny Jersey: The winners of this match… Taboo and Chad Kurtis… STYLE CLASH!!!!

The ref raises their hands and the crowd cheers the violence, but now ring technicians need to rebuild the ring which will surely cause a delay.

Mikey Massacre: First Hardcore Entertainment dethrone Seldon and Corlen. Then Case and Logan show their allegiances, forming Case Filed Rockets.

Linzi Martin: Now Style Clash here in REBEL Pro.

Mikey Massacre: The tag team division in REBEL Pro is on fire.

We see one more shot of the triumphant Taboo and Kurtis as we fade commercials.

*****Support The AoWF!*****

There’s all kinds of flashes of violence, culminating with Bogard winning the Grizzly Beer title!

Voiceover: The Pioneer Wrestling Association proudly presents Sunday Night Rampage, every Sunday! Check your local listings and catch such super awesome stars as The New Age Panzies, Matthew Engel, Vic Wagner, Thomas Manchester Black, that boss status figure Cody Bogard and more!

PWA SUNDAY NIGHT RAMPAGE! COOL!

There’s sparkles, flowers and other weird things… Then we see footage of Wood getting stapled in the face by Johnny Maverick.

Voiceover: Do you like things?! How about things being broken over the faces of people?! Or moose? Or car rides through an arena with weird eWo people trying to hang you from the rafters?! If so, check out Victory Wrestling’s Television every Thursday night! It’s awesome, and the REBEL Pro boss is on there doing silly things! You get to see stars like Anna Mathews and her haunted vagina! Johnny Maverick break Woods face! Marvin Wood break Johnny Mavericks legs! Teresa Quaranta! Can’t forget her! And other awesome people! Like Phoenix!

We see Phoenix with the CCTV Title.

Voiceover: But fuck that guy!

VICTORY! TELEVISION! YEAH!

It fades now again… We see things burning, the BWF World title being destroyed and bang!

Voiceover: Sometimes when all the dust has settled… all that’s left is Animosity! And that’s where you’ll find some of the awesome stars in BWF! From the Buffalo Butcher Finale, to Emily Corlen and Anton Chase. No one can forget the beautiful Abbie Edwards, and the legendary BWF US Champion Corey Lazarus! Check them out and more weekly Thursdays on BWF Thursday Night Animosity!

BWF ANIMOSITY! YOU KNOW IT!

We fade back to the arena now as…

*****Damn, I Had To Piss*****

Camera cuts backstage where we find Bubba J walking a bit unsteadily, but not because he’s drunk, but because he’s looking for something.

Bubba J: Damn, I’ve got to take a piss!”

He comes up on Simon’s car and spies it like its the best damn toilet imaginable.

Bubba J: This’ll fix that black sumbitch.”

J tries to open up the door, but of course its locked, but Bubba J has the master key. After looking around for a moment, he lifts his leg and kicks out the driver side window and unlocks the door. Opening the door, he looks around again as we hear an unzipping sound and his pants drop slightly and a sound of pissing pleasure comes from his throat.

Bubba J: Yeah, that feels good.”

He continues looking around and as he does so, he pisses all over the dash, the seat, floorboard, and side of the car.

Bubba J: Damn, I had to piss like a mofo.”

He finishes up, the yellow piss soaking into the driver side seat as Bubba J zips up and heads inside the building.

*****J.T. Whiplash versus Lucious Starr*****

Linzi Martin: Well, at least the ring is finally fixed!

“Fuck You” hits up in the speakers as freaking mutated sharks with freaking laser beams are attached to their freakin’ heads. The freaking laser beamed covered sharks begin to shoot the freaking laser beams at freaking angry mutated sea bass with soggy blow darts attached to their mutated freaking heads. Lucious Starr walks out, looking up at the Rebel-tron in disgust.

Jenny Jersey: Since Lucious couldn’t be bothered with creating an entrance for himself here in Rebel Pro, here ya go! Oh and here is Lucious Starr.

The lights go out as an image of a copperhead slithering down a dirt road airs on the REBEL-Tron as the bagpipe intro from “Copperhead Road” by Steve Earle begins to play with the snake slithering down the path. The snake then coils up in position to strike as the bagpipe intro ends and “Simple Man” by Lynyrd Skynyrd begins to play over the P.A. system as red, white, and blue lighting goes off throughout the arena. Just then, a spot-light shines on J.T. Whiplash in his wrestling attire, holding a Rebel flag as the fans erupt in cheers. J.T. then waves the Rebel flag in the air hollering as he does so. He then puts the flag over his shoulder as he makes his way to the ring slowly, tagging hands with as many fans as he can get to as he gets to the end of the ramp-way, pausing as he waves his Rebel flag around again before walking to the ring steps and sticking his Rebel flag in the ring post as he steps over the middle rope and climbs in the ring, shouting and hollering for the fans to cheer as he climbs up each second turn-buckle and lets out a loud “YEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAWWW!!!” as he gives the crowd a bull-horn sign before he paces back and forth in the ring like a pissed-off hyena as he runs against the ropes a couple of times before going back to pacing as the music dies down.

Ding Ding

JT comes out right handing Lucious Starr right in the damn face, rocking it back on his neck. But give Starr credit, his head bounces back into JT’s face sending him back more out of surprise than anything else. Starr presses his advantage with a right punch faint, but jabs him right in the damn mouth with a left hook sending JT’s head spinning to the side; Starr completes the mini combo with a boot to the midsection and a whip into the ropes. JT comes back, Starr lowering his head for a back body, JT nails him right in the fucking face with his steel toed boot that causes Starr to stand up and look a bit woozy; JT sending him over to the concrete with a clothesline. JT steps through the ropes, double axe handle smash onto Starr before pulling him up.

Mikey Massacre: This match is a full on brawl!

Linzi Martin: You expect anything different from Rebel Pro?

Starr with a double fisted nut shot halts JT’s offense and the whip into the ringpost brings the first blood of the match. JT spins around, blood coming from his nose that managed to smash full on into the post.

Jenny Jersey: JT Whiplash has one minute to make Lucious Starr to bleed or he will lose the match.

JT falls down to one knee, Lucious Starr nailing him with an uppercut swinging steel chair effectively busting his nose open worse and causing the stitches on his forehead to bust open and more blood to ooze out.

Mikey Massacre: A bit of an unfair match for both men; now all Lucious has to do is run away and he wins.

Linzi Martin: He will never do that, he’s way to proud.

Starr holds JT’s throat down with the back of the steel chair as the minute ticks down to forty-five seconds; JT’s face turning a dark shade of red. Lucious points down to JT and mocks him in front of the crowd as JT tries to get the chair off his throat. Lucious continues to mock him by shoving the chair down harder and getting right in his face. JT nails him with a meaty right, sending Starr falling backwards and the chair off his throat. The timer is down to thirty-five seconds as JT struggles to catch his breath and make Starr bleed before the inute is up. Starr comes back with a running boot, but JT is ready for it, catching the kick and sending Starr into the railing strictly out of instinct. The time is now down to twenty-seven seconds as JT is still struggling to catch his breath Shaking his head JT turns towards Lucious, who is getting up with a smile on his face and pointing to the Rebel-tron that now reads twenty-one seconds. JT comes charging at him, but as Starr spins to the right; JT catches him, bringing him into a full nelson, spinning and driving him face first into the railing. Seventeen seconds on the timer as JT breaks a beer bottle to get a quick bleeding weapon and jabs it at Lucious Starr’s face; however Starr knees JT in the crotch again, or there abouts, and accomplishes by rolling him off and not making it easy on the Confederate Copperhead. Starr stumbles to the ring apron, but JT’s fighting through the pain, as he accepts a pair of barbed wire and thumbtack covered brass knuckles; the time on the clock reading eleven seconds. JT steps up behind Lucious who is pointing back towards where JT was laying at and mocking the fan for believing in someone like Whiplash.

Mikey Massacre: Lucious thinks he’s got this match already won.

Linzi Martin: This is fixing to hurt.

Timer reads seeven seconds and Lucious turns around to check on Whiplash. Right fist right to his face smashes his nose, a second busts his lips, and a third haymaker turning it into a dragging punch rips flesh on Starr’s face and blood begins to pour from the quick sharp and sudden thrusts from the specialized brass knuckles, the timer? Well it was at two seconds left when the first drop of blood came from Starr’s body. JT presses the advantage, along with the magnificant brutal weapon, into Starr’s face over and over eventually pushing Starr up against the post. JT with a big haymaker, but Starr ducks under driving his shoulder into JT’s midsection, sending them both crashing into the railing hard enough to move it backwards. JT pounds with both hands as Starr rains down rights and lefts as well. JT rolls Starr over, mounting him with punch after punch, but Starr rolls him back over nailing him with much of the same.

Mikey Massacre: Its like a schoolyard brawl!

Linzi Martin: I haven’t seen one… well since high school.

Starr pulls JT up, shoving him towards the ring, but JT manages to counter with an elbow into Starr’s ribs and nail him with a DDT. JT leans up against the railing, blood pouring, I mean literally pouring from his busted stitches, nose, and mouth to drip onto his chest. JT digs under the ring, coming out with a table, but just as he is about to set it up, Starr comes with a chair to the back of his skull, driving him face first into the table. Starr pulls him back up, piledriver onto the chair and rolls JT into the ring. Starr slides the chair, table, and a few other things into the ring(tacks, light tubes, barbed wire, staple gun, a few glass bottles) Starr rolls in, setting up the table, placing several light tubes onto the wood before dumping the tacks all over the ring. Starr smashes a light tube over JT’s skull, bringing blood from the back of his skull before dragging the ends of the tube down his back and causing even more wounds on his already scarred body.

Mikey Massacre: What a saddistic bastard! I love it!

Linzi Martin: So, you ARE into bondage and submission!

Mikey Massacre: What? Where did you… never mind I don’t want to know.

Linzi Martin: Oh that’s easy, its the Sexual Pleasuring Positions magazine issue for August 2011. A very invigorating read, if you ask me.

Mikey Massacre: Trouble is that I didn’t.

Starr has JT up for a body slam onto the thumbtacks, but JT counters somehow with a DDT that sends Starr’s face into the tacks! JT with a curb stomp onto the back of Starr’s head before pulling him up and whipping him into the corner. Starr has tacks all in his face, but begins to fire back with punches and kicks that back JT up. Starr backs off, then with a running leap mounts JT with a Lou Thesz press right on the tacks, driving them deeply into JT’s back. Starr rolls him around in the tacks, only a few remain; they are both in Starr’s face and embedded in JT’s back. However, both men continue fighting as its Starr’s turn to get a double fisted nut shot, but this one is a bit more damaging as JT has the staple gun. Starr starts shaking his head from side to side.

Linzi Martin: Would that hurt.

Mikey Massacre: It hurts me and I’m not in the match!

Starr howls out in pain as JT releases two staples into his groin before going for a Rydeen bomb onto the light tube covered table!

Mikey Massacre: My gawd! Did you see that Rydeen bomb from Whiplash!

Linzi Martin: Not really, I was fantasizing about all the damage.

Starr lays in the broken remnants of table and glass as JT leaps from the top turnbuckle with the Rebel Yell!

He connects and stays for the pin.

One!

Two!

Three!

Ding Ding Ding

Jenny Jersey: Winner of the match as result of a pinfall… JT Whiplash!

J.T. Whiplash has his hand raised by the ref, the crowd cheering him on as he continues his rise back to prominence in REBEL Pro!

*****Real Talk*****

We fade backstage now. There’s a round table that is set up with a REBEL Pro banner hanging over the wall. At one side sits Marvin Humperdink, and at the other sits Simon Kalis. That same briefcase from earlier close to Simon.

Marvin Humperdink: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen. I’m sitting here with the acting President and minority owner of REBEL Pro, Aaron Simon Kalis. Mr. Kalis…

Kalis puts his hand up, sips his beer and shakes his head.

Simon Kalis: No, you don’t need to be formal. Call me Ishmael.

Humperdink cocks an eyebrow.

Marvin Humperdink: What…?

Simon Kalis: I’m kidding. Don’t be so nervous.

Kalis burps after another chug of his beer.

Marvin Humperdink: Right, well. You arranged this sit down interview with me to go over the course of events that have taken place since your surprise purchase of 49% of REBEL Pro. But, first off… How is Larry Gordon? Are you in contact with him?

Kalis lights a cigarette and nods.

Simon Kalis: He’s doing as well as can be expected. He’s obviously still recovering from his health concerns, but he’s in good spirits and one of the greatest men I’ve ever had the chance to get to know.

Marvin Humperdink: Well, I’m sure he’s watched with some interest on how you’ve handled REBEL Pro since stepping in. Some people said REBEL Pro could never reach the national stage, yet the National Tour across the United States thus far has been a complete success. REBEL Pro is quickly gaining traction on the PWA in terms of revenue and ratings. What do you think has played the biggest role in REBEL Pros success during this national transition?

Kalis takes a moment to sip his beer and take a draw from his cigarette.

Simon Kalis: The fan support from the loyal REBEL Pro fans has been tremendous, and there has always been an interest worldwide for REBEL Pro through the availability of our programming on the internet. But the biggest factor is the wrestlers here themselves. I certainly have some… Issues, with some of them, but by and large they’re the reason we’ve been so successful. Look at a guy like Justin Case, his comeback was a huge thing especially with the loss of guys Johnny Maverick and Jacob Venar. You’ve got new blood like Violet Harper and Jaice Wilds who bring a whole new realm of excitement.

He flicks some ash.

Simon Kalis: Legion. What a beast, what a dominant figure he is and will be. Then you’ve got REBEL classics like Bubba J and Vincent Black.

He smirks.

Simon Kalis: Through and through, the REBEL Pro roster is jam packed with fucking superstars. We’ve got huge BWF Legend Gabe Shelley, former eWo star Alexia Fender. Guys like Chad Kurtis, people like Taboo… I could really name the whole roster here Marv. They’re all the reason REBEL Pro is rocking. To top it all off? Lisa Seldon, man. Do I need to say anything more than that? REBEL Pro’s longest reigning World Champion. The woman who brought the AoWF World Championship to REBEL Pro.

Marvin Humperdink: Yes. This is the Era of Seldon in REBEL Pro.

Simon Kalis: Yeah. I mean people disparage our roster, they disparage our product and our fans and why? Because they see it. Like deer in the fucking headlights. REBEL Pro is on the rise, Marv. We are on the cusp of something so great, so powerful. Everyone is electrified, and I think Bobby Lee literally so. You know what I say? Fuck you Phoenix. Fuck your PWA. Fuck Vic Wagner, and fuck Marvin Wood. Fuck everyone who ain’t down with REBEL Pro.

The crowd in the arena has a thunderous applause at this.

Simon Kalis: REBEL Pro has been underrated and shit on for too long. But we’ve taken it with stride, taken it on the chin. I don’t know if you’ve noticed? There are some TOUGH motherfuckers who fight here. As you saw last week? Our fans are tough, too. I’m sick of these phony fucks talking about things they fail to comprehend. We aren’t rednecks, we aren’t thugs, we aren’t dumb. We’re the modern Gladiators, and the REBEL Pro ring is our pit. It’s bloody. It’s gory. It’s awesome, and people love it.

Marvin Humperdink: Speaking of last week… The riot in Chattanooga. Can you tell me what’s going on concerning the lawsuit?

Kalis sips his beer, shakes his head.

Simon Kalis: I can’t speak on current or pending lawsuits, sorry.

Marvin sifts through his stack of papers.

Marvin Humperdink: Emily Corlen.

Kalis smokes his cigarette, no reaction.

Marvin Humperdink: What happened?

Kalis shrugs.

Simon Kalis: She chose to turn her back on REBEL Pro. She stayed here to win a title off of Lisa Seldons back, because as you know she was set to leave right before the tag team title tournament began. Now, the moment she loses that she walks off.

Marvin Humperdink: That’s it? That simple?

Simon Kalis: Well. I have to be careful how I speak. I am speaking to you as the President of REBEL Pro, but at the same time? Well. I mean do you want me to say something controversial? I’m sure it’s expected, and I’ve remained fairly quiet. She needs to get a grip on reality. She has black balled to infamy within the AoWF through her actions, and that’s fine. I offered her and Lisa rematches, either together or separately but that wasn’t enough to appease someone who hungers for titles like they do Big Macs.

Marvin Humperdink: So, I guess that offer is off the table?

Simon Kalis: No, but there is a time limit. It’s almost over. I don’t give a fuck. REBEL Pro and Victory Wrestling are the future of the AoWF. She wants to go to BWF because she can be somebody there, that’s fine. No one will ever respect her until she dips her toes out of the pond of fish and into the ocean of sharks.

Kalis crushes his empty beer can, snaps his finger and someone off camera chucks him another cold one.

Marvin Humperdink: Well, moving on. There’s a lot of buzz going on about Prove Your Worth. Can you confirm any of the rumours going around?

Simon Kalis: Like what?

Marvin Humperdink: Vic Wagner versus Bubba J?

Simon Kalis: Yeah. It’s going down, and is happening at Prove Your Worth.

The crowd in the arena can be heard cheering for this, why? Who knows. Not like they’re gonna be there in person anyways.

Marvin Humperdink: Violet Harper was set to face Emily Corlen at Prove Your Worth.

Simon Kalis: Yeah, no. That’s obviously not happening. Which worked out well in the end, because Violet Harper will be facing J.T. Whiplash for the Aggression Championship at Prove Your Worth.

Crowd goes nuts again.

Marvin Humperdink: Whoa! Really? Why?

Simon Kalis: Yes, really. Because Whiplash impresses me. He’s an old timer, I’m an old timer. More importantly he beat Gabe Shelley which is a big thing to do. He’s come back into REBEL Pro with a fire and drive that is inspirational. I reward that.

Marvin Humperdink: Well, damn. Another rumour circulating the internet is that Matt Stone will be facing former REBEL Pro World Champion Johnny Maverick.

Simon Kalis: Yep. Signed the match contract already. It’s happening. You better believe it.

Marvin Humperdink: Jesus. What about Lisa Seldon? Who is she going to be defending the title against?

Kalis puts his cigarette out and smiles.

Simon Kalis: Vincent Black.

The crowd gives their biggest ovation of the interview.

Simon Kalis: I told him if he failed against The Phoenix, I’d kill him. What better way than feeding him to Lisa Seldon? If he wins, he dethrones arguably the greatest World Champion in REBEL Pro history. If he doesn’t? He dies.

Kalis shrugs.

Simon Kalis: Win-win.

Marvin Humperdink: This is blockbuster news. Sadly our time is up, but I hope we can do this again sometime, sir.

Simon Kalis: Sure thing.

Marvin Humperdink: One more thing… Patient 4479?

Simon Kalis: Hahahaha… No comment.

Marvin Humperdink: Wait! Actually… What’s the deal with the briefcase?

Simon Kalis: I suppose you’ll have to check out Prove Your Worth for that. I’m just carrying it around being all mysterious and shit. Is it working?

Kalis shakes Marvin Humperdinks hand and walks out of the room, briefcase in one hand. Marvin looks at his hands for a moment, at his wrist and seems bewildered.

Marvin Humperdink: Wait. Did he just steal my watch?

Outside the door in the hallway…

Simon Kalis: Want a new watch?

Janitor: Sure!

Kalis throws him the watch and whistles as we fade to ringside.

*****A True Test*****

Bubba J walks down the hall, coming to the door marked “Jeremy Gold”, he tests the knob, which is unlocked, and goes in. Looking around he doesn’t see that damn boxing kangaroo and quickly heads over to Jeremy’s desk before riffling through his file cabinets. He smiles as he comes out with a very full bag of white powder and chuckles.

Bubba J: Now, lets see if JT Whiplash is serious about staying in Rebel Pro, see if that hot piece of ass Bailey Rose can keep him from sniffing all of this stuff.”

Bubba J sticks his head out of the door, while placing the bag into his brown paper bag, and seeing no one walks out. We follow him as he turns right down a hall and comes up on a door that reads “JT Whiplash” in bold black letters. J knocks on the door and after hearing no one inside, opens up and heads in. J looks around, seeing no one he places the brown paper bag on the table and writes “To: JT Whiplash” before hurriedly walking back out of the dressing room. Shutting the door, he whistles as he heads somewhere else in the building, having given JT a true test to see if he is willing to stay.

*****Shelley‘s Never Back Down*****

The Rebel cameras pan across the hallway, and into Gabe Shelley’s locker room. Shelley’s twin nieces are in the locker room with him. and they’re all screaming.

Noelle Shelley: NO! We are NOT letting you go out there alone!

Aria Shelley: We’re going with you!

He grabs his vest out of his locker as he shakes his head.

Gabe Shelley: You girls should just really stay out here. There’s no reason I can’t be out there by myself.

Noelle Shelley: Are you serious? Its a first blood match! We’re going! Aria grab your title!

Aria grabs Noelle’s and her own BWF tag titles off the chair and hands Noelle hers. Noelle and Aria start to follow their Uncle out of the locker room.

Gabe Shelley: Noelle, Aria, I’m serious. This is not my first match like this, far from it. I’ve been in worse matches and I’ve been in this exact situation a dozen times. There is nothing to worry about, I’ll be fine.

He holds up his hand and points to the bench.

Gabe Shelley: Just stay here, okay?

Noelle and Aria look at each other and Noelle raises an eyebrow.

Noelle Shelley: And if we don’t?

Gabe Shelley: You’re grounded? No desert after dinner? You have to eat all of your veggies? No television for a week?

He starts to laugh and just shakes his head.

Gabe Shelley: I mean it girls, I’ll be fine.

Noelle Shelley: No you won’t.

Gabe looks at Noelle and Aria takes a deep breath

Aria Shelley: What she means is… We know you can’t focus out there….

Gabe Shelley: I can… Don’t doubt what I can do or what I can focus on.

He tries to play it off as he slams his locker door and starts to put on his vest.

Aria Shelley: Uncle Gabe… Don’t do this match… We know you’re too worried about Alexia…

The girls look at their Uncle.

Gabe Shelley: I have to, Aria. Shelley’s just don’t drop out of matches minutes away from them happening. I’m going out there and compete just like I always would. I have to.

He starts to head towards the locker room door and turns back to them.

Gabe Shelley: If I don’t, then it’ll be all I can think about and I’ll lose it. I have to do this.

The girls look at each other again as Gabe walks out of the locker room.

*****Violet Harper versus Gabe Shelley*****

DING DING!

Mikey Massacre: There’s the bell, and we’re underway in this one…

Linzi Martin: I wonder what sort of hot action Violet can come up with this week?

As both combatants circle each other, the finally lock up for a test of strength with Gabe gaining the early advantage as Violet arches her back on the canvas due to the leverage. Violet then regains her composure and takes Shelley down with an arm-drag of sorts, followed by another Ricky Steamboat-style armdrag takedown, followed up with a dropkick that sends Shelley rolling out of the ring in frustration.

Mikey Massacre: What a quick pace set so far by Violet Harper!

Linzi Martin: I bet she’s not that quick in the sack…

Mikey Massacre: Fine, rub it in…

As Shelley pounds the mat in frustration, he grabs a ring-side chair and charges toward the ring, but gets met with a baseball slide drop-kick to the face. Violet then pushes Gabe Shelley against the guard rail and lets loose with a few knife-edged chops, followed by the obligatory “WOOOOOO!!!” from the fans. She then grabs a fan’s beer at ring-side, takes a swig of it, and spits it in Gabe’s face, blinding him temporarily.

Linzi Martin: Stick it to him, Violet!

Mikey Massacre: What a perfectly good waste of alcohol!

As Violet then charges toward Gabe as he moves toward the ring steps, he does a drop-toe hold to her onto the ring steps, knocking her loopy for a little bit. Gabe then tears away some of the protective matting at ring-side and proceeds to do his trademark Jersey Cutter (Twist of Fate) onto the concrete.

Linzi Martin: Oh no! Gabe just cracked her skull! Come on Violet, baby, GET UP!

Mikey Massacre: You know, Linzi, I’m young, I’m hung, and I’m skilled with my-

Linzi Martin: Stuff it, Mikey!

Gabe then drags Violet Harper inside the ring and proceeds to stomp on her a couple of times as he then picks her up for a Cannon Ball (Reverse Lung Blower) and drops her like a sack of potatoes. The impact of the move on Gabe’s bad knee causes him to momentarily clutch at his knee and wince as he finally goes for the cover.

Mikey Massacre: It looks like Gabe Shelley has messed up his knee again, but he’s still going for the cover…

One…

Two…

Linzi Martin: YES! Violet kicks out!

Gabe pounds his fists on the canvas as he limps out of the ring and goes for a black bag as he sprinkles it over the canvas, revealing the contents to be shards of broken glass as he makes an Irish Whip attempt onto Violet, but she reverses it and comes up with a Shining Wizard in the corner, knocking Gabe loopy in the process. As he sits out cold in the bottom of the corner, Violet puts a chair in front of Gabe’s face as she runs off the ropes and hits a brutal chair-assisted Face Wash kick as Violet goes back on the offensive attack.

Mikey Massacre: Ouch town, population: You, Gabe Shelley!

Linzi Martin: Oh my GOD, that’s hot!

Violet Harper then goes to the outside and reaches under the ring looking for something as she finally pulls out a 15-foot high steel ladder and positions herself just over the shards of broken glass from earlier as she starts to climb the ladder while Gabe is starting to come to.

Mikey Massacre: What in the HELL is she doing?

Linzi Martin: Making me go into spontaneous orgasms, that’s what she’s doing!

Mikey Massacre: … oh boy…

Violet gets to the top of the ladder, balances herself, and leaps off with her Purple Haze (Shooting Star Press into a DDT) onto the shards of broken glass, driving Gabe Shelley head-first, causing him to bleed on his head profusely as the fans chant “RE-BEL PRO! RE-BEL PRO! RE-BEL PRO!”.

Linzi Martin: OH MY GOD, THAT WAS AWESOME!

Referee Jimmy Johnson starts counting down the minute for Gabe Shelley to make Violet Harper bleed, but shortly after he starts counting, he stops when he notices a bleeding gash on Violet Harper’s right arm. He looks at it and tells Violet the match is now going to pinfall or submission!

Mikey Massacre: Wow, what a tough break for Violet Harper as Gabe Shelley was NOT going to get up after that…

Linzi Martin: You’ve GOT to be kidding me…

Violet pounds the canvas in disbelief as she argues with referee Jimmy Johnson, but during the argument, Shelley starts to stir. As Violet sees Gabe start to get up, he blocks a right hand punch by her and slams his good knee into her gut. Gabe goes for a clothesline, but when he turns around, Violet drills him with a Spinning Backfist. They both stop as someone appears to be coming down to the ring.

Mikey Massacre: Who the hell is that?

Linzi Martin: And she’s wearing one of Gabe’s hoodies!

We can clearly make out the female figure, but the hood over her head is too low for the camera to catch a glimpse of who she is. Violet Harper backs off, watching carefully incase of a double team, but Gabe seems as out of the know as her. The woman hops up onto the ring apron and Gabe approaches her.

Linzi Martin: Seems to me he’s all, “oh why are you here?! You should leave!” but I’m not a good lip reader.

Mikey Massacre: Yeah but I don’t think Violet cares, watch out Gabe!

The mysteriously hooded woman jumps down and as Gabe turns around he’s met with a sudden kick right to his face, sending Gabe down out cold to the canvas as Violet scampers up the top rope and hits her Corkscrew 630 Senton Bomb as Violet quickly hooks the leg and goes for the pin.

Mikey Massacre: Here’s the cover!

One!

Two!

Three!

Linzi Martin: WAY TO GO, BABY!

Jenny Jersey: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match… VIOLEEEEEEEEEEET HARRRRRRRPERRRRRRR!!!

Mikey Massacre: Solid effort by Gabe Shelley, but right now, Violet Harper is damned near unstoppable… whoever faces her at “Prove Your Worth” has got a real challenge on their plate!

Linzi Martin: I really hope I get to party in her pants…

Mikey Massacre: I would too-

Linzi slaps Mikey upside the head as we practically hear Mikey whimpering.

Linzi Martin: Still whoever it was who interfered? They’re gonna get it.

*****THE AFTERMATH*****

As the bell rings and Gabe Shelley lays on the mat bleeding, the curtains open and the Shelley Twins run down the ramp and slide into the ring. They crawl over to their Uncle and start to help him to his feet with the lights in the arena go out and a familiar voice is heard..

Alexia Fender: Gabe… Gabe….? GABE!

Gabe Shelley wipes the blood from his forehead and he turns his attention to the video feed playing on the screen. He shouts something towards the entrance way as he leans on the ropes to help hold him up. The twins stand beside their Uncle and also turn their attention to the video feed, the screen finally comes to life, showing Alexia Fender tied to a chair, looking around, crying, shes looking around the room. Noelle’s jaw drops, and Aria screams.

Aria Shelley: ALEXIA!

Alexia keeps looking around, a mans laugh is heard, and someone walks into the frame, behind Alexia. Standing behind her is Gabe’s older brother, JC. He smiles into the camera and runs his fingers through Alexia’s hair. He sighs deeply and smacks his lips.

JC Shelley: Gabriel, I know you knew I had her. I also know you have no idea where to find me. Did you know how easy it was to take her right off the street? You let her go around a town she’d never been in all by herself. You didn’t keep your eye on the prize. Didn’t dad always tell you to do that? You never did listen did you? Now I promise you that you will never, ever find her. Kiss your happy little family goodbye, Gabriel.

Gabe’s face is bright red in anger as he squeezes the ropes and breathes heavily. Noelle grabs a mic and raises it to her lips. Noelle looks over at her Uncle and her twin sister, who is crying. She takes a deep breath hoping they can hear her.

Noelle Shelley: ALEXIA!

Alexia’s eyebrows raise from under her blindfold and she looks around.

Alexia Fender: Noelle?

Noelle climbs up on the bottom rope, screaming into the mic.

Noelle Shelley: DAD! LET HER GO! NOW!

JC Shelley: No.

He chuckles as Alexia’s sobs are still heard.

JC Shelley: Gabriel, you’ve always had everything you’ve ever wanted. I learned something over the years that I should have seen a long time ago. If I want to hurt you I don’t go after you personally. I go after the people you love. That’s right, Alexia. Good ol’ Gabriel still loves you, didn’t you know? Now he’s never going to get you back.

He pulls the back of her head by her hair and brings the camera down to it, placing his cheek against hers.

JC Shelley: Now you’ll live in regret for the rest of your life.

Alexia Fender: They’re gonna find you… All three of them, your daughters included!

Alexia cringes as JC pulls on her hair again.

Noelle Shelley: DAD STOP IT!

JC Shelley: No, Noelle. You turned your back on your real family so you’re just as much to blame. You did exactly what your uncle did so many years ago when he walked out the door and left his family behind. This is what happens, this is what he deserves.

All this time Gabe’s eyes are focused on the screen but he’s unable to speak.

JC Shelley: Say goodbye, Alexia.

Alexia Fender: When they find you… They’re gonna kill you!

Alexia turns her head and spits in JC’s f ace.JC smiles and then backhands her and puts a hankerchief in her mouth to stop her from talking. He wipes the spit off and shakes his head.

JC Shelley: Women, can’t live with ‘em. Eh, Gabriel? Any last words? Because I promise you this is the last time you’ll get to see her.

Gabe keeps staring at the screen and slowly raises a microphone up to his mouth.

Gabe Shelley: I will find her, I will find you, I will beat you within an inch of your life. That much is sure but the one thing you need to decide is what’s going to happen to you this time once your ass is in jail. You might not make it out, I’ll see to it. Alexia, I will find you.

Alexia nods so Gabe knows she can hear him, ut screams through the hankerchief as JC backhands her across the face again, tears running down Alexia’s face.

JC Shelley: Just try.

Gabe goes to speak again as the feed is cut off and he throws to microphone and falls to his knees in the ring.

*****Church of Hardcore*****

We cut to backstage and as the camera rounds the corner we see one half of the REBEL World Tag Team Champions, Bubba J getting swarmed by several members of Legions congregations. Bubba drops one with a heavy right hand and sends another slamming into the wall headfirst.

Bubba J: This all you got!? I ain’t even breakin’ a sweat!

Just then a trio of followers tackle Bubba and try to drag him to the ground. Like a quarterbacker, he starts to shrug off the men one by one. Bodies are starting to pile up everywhere.

Bubba J: Can we hurry this up? I got shit to do!

Rushing into frame we see the demented Piggy charge at Bubba J. He slams a golf club into the ribs of Bubba! We hear a muffled ‘Ugh’ from the double tough Tag Champ.

Bubba J: Freak bitch….

Another shot to the ribs and Bubba slumps against the wall. Piggy squeals in delight and charges in, the golf club held high overhead. Bubba swings up his leg and connects between the legs of Piggy who gives us another, yet higher pitched squeal.

Bubba J: Heheh, didn’t know if you even had anything down there for me to hurt.

Piggy doubles over and staggers away but before Bubba can move the massive Mammon slams into him sandwiching him against the wall. We can hear as the air is knocked out of Bubbas lungs and the monster Mammon doesn’t help matters as he lands a trio of heavy left hands into the ribs of Bubba.

Bubba J: Fuck…Fuck…You….

Another heavy left hand to the gut and Bubba slides down to the floor where he’s grabbed by Mammon and held from behind. Piggy crawls over to Bubba and gets into his face.

Piggy: (squeal) You aren’t tough! (a snort) Legion wants you fatty….

Bubba J: I…I ain’t….Hard ta find….Fucker.

Piggy slaps Bubba and Mammon shoves him to the floor. Before Bubba can get back to his feet the congregation seem to vanish into the dark hallways.

Bubba J: Oh it’s fuckin’ on now boys…..You done fucked up.

Bubba breathes heavily as he looks up and we fade to ringside…

*****Justin Case, Cuz Ya Never Know!*****

We fade to just outside The Millennium Game’s locker room, where the door swings open and Simon Kalis can be seen exiting. Inside the locker room we see Case nodding and smiling in Hugh Aredone’s direction.

Mikey Massacre: I smell a plot to take out Marvin Wood! And I love it!!!

Linzi Martin: REBEL Pro! FUCK YEAH!

Case walks out of the locker room followed by Hugh Aredone and they head towards the entrance as we fade to ringside…

*****AoWF TV Title Tournament- Round 2*****
*****Justin Case(REBEL) versus Marvin Wood(Victory!)*****

DING DING

Jenny Jersey: The following match is scheduled as a FIRST BLOOD SPECIAL and is the semi-finals of the AoWF Television Championship tournament! Introducing first, from Victory Wrestling! He hails from Pontefract, England!

The first few chords of Edward Elgar’s fourth Pomp & Circumstance March are played from the PA system into the arena. After a few seconds, “The Purist” Marvin Wood appears from behind the curtain with a dour expression on his face. He walks to the middle of the stage area and stands there for a few seconds, to survey the audience. He then begins walking down the entrance-way. Many of the members of the audience boo, some catcall and a few cheer. He looks at no-one as he approaches the ring, but stretches his fingers a bit. He stretches three fingers on each hand, first, and then four fingers on each hand.

Jenny Jersey: He is the Victory Wrestling World Heavyweight Champion… MARVIN WOOD!!!!

Marvin walks towards the ring steps, and walks up them and towards the middle of the apron, sliding his hand over the top rope as he does so. He pauses there for a few seconds, before entering the ring, right leg first and then left leg. He enters the ring with plenty of pomp and circumstance, as if he were a foot taller than he is. He then walks over to the opposite turnbuckle and waits. The REBEL Pro crowd BOOS him loudly, but Wood keeps his calm and focus.

Mikey Massacre: Security is tight for this match, we don’t want a repeat of last week. I still say Vincent Black won.

Linzi Martin: History will say differently, sadly.

Jenny Jersey: And his opponent… Representing REBEL Pro WRESTLING!!!!!!

The crowd ALL rise to their feet and begin a thunderous applause.

Jenny Jersey: He hails from Edmonton, Alberta Canada…

” Victory ” by P Diddy and company hits the P.A. Out comes ” The Millennium Game ” Justin Case! He stands at the entrance way, with his manager behind him, as pyro shoots on either side while he raises his oh so talented arms in the very talented air! Case struts down the ramp as Hugh Aredone limpingly lingers behind. He struts to the squared circle with a cockily arrogance that only he can endeavor.

Jenny Jersey: He is The Millennium Game…. JUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSTIIIIIIIIIIIN CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE!!!!!!!

Once from inside the ring, he steps to the second turnbuckle and poses for the crowd on hand. Whether they like him or not, it does not matter. His manager hits his cane on the apron showing his approval. Jumping off the ropes he prepares for the match pulling on the upper rope as his music ends. He goes toe to toe with Wood, looking down at Wood and smirking.

Mikey Massacre: These guys exchanged quite a few words over the week, but we’re past talking.

Linzi Martin: Now it’s all about the fight, and the winner is one step closer to AoWF Championship Gold!

DING DING DING

They immediately begin a power grapple for dominance, both men struggling to push down and enforce their will and power over the other. Case holds himself over Wood, but then Wood pushes back and holds himself over Case. The crowd sits on the edge of their seats as they watch, but both men break off and push each other away. They begin circling the ring following the simple strength test, which left no clear winner.

Mikey Massacre: I expect we’ll be seeing some of Case’s more technical abilities tonight as he goes up against the Victory Champ.

Linzi Martin: You’re probably right.

Wood moves in now and hits a hip toss on Case that takes him down to the canvas, but Case rolls with it. Case flips himself back to his feet and hits a spinning heel kick that sends spit out of Marvin Woods mouth. Wood rubs his mouth and then looks back at Case, nodding with calculating eyes. Wood moves in and Case grabs hold of him from behind and hits a Full Nelson suplex to the canvas, the biased REBEL Pro crowd cheering this! Wood rolls away and grabs the ropes, pulling himself to his feet. He steps back but rushes forward, seemingly going for a clothesline but side stepping to avoid contact with Case. Wood capitalizes on the element of surprise, hitting a spinning neck breaker onto Justin Case. They both go down but Case quickly reverses the situation by locking in an ankle lock on Marvin Wood. He elevates it for more pressure, but both men realize that at this point no victory shall be had like this but Wood can feel the strain as he grimaces. Wood powers out, rolling onto his back and then lunging forward from the canvas. He wraps his left arm around Justin Case‘s head, falls back and seems to DDT him into the canvas. Then Wood wraps his legs around Case‘s waist and applies a submission hold, Case winces in pain.

Linzi Martin: Damn that Wood is one peak physical machine.

Mikey Massacre: He may have Case locked in, but he won’t win like this.

Case punches Wood in the ribs blindly and gets out, rolling away. Both men get to their feet and grapple again. Case hits a vertical suplex but Wood quickly gets back to his feet and unleashes a vicious clothesline on Case! The Millennium Game bounces off the canvas and right back to his feet, and Wood grabs onto Justin Case and goes for a power slam! Case hits the canvas but bounces right back up to his feet and Wood seems ready to pounce again, but Case dodges a grapple, kicks Stone in the gut and hooks both his arms up for a double underhook DDT! Case follow it up as he bounces off the ropes and lands a leg drop on the back of The Purists head. Case has had enough as he hops over the top rope, to the apron and now down to outside the ring.

Mikey Massacre: Oh boy. I think Case is about to go REBEL Pro on Wood now.

Linzi Martin: Awwwww shit SON!

Hugh Aredone reaches into his suit and pulls out a towel… A towel??? It’s wrapped around something. Case unfurls the towel, and it’s a crowbar! Tightly wrapped with BARBED WIRE!!!! The crowd goes nuts!

Mikey Massacre: Oh that sly son of a bitch. That’s Simon Kalis’ weapon! He must’ve given it for Case to use!!

Linzi Martin: YEAH! GO REBEL PRO!

Wood gets to his feet in the ring as Case slides in behind him and out of sight. Wood turns around… BANG! Case with a swing of the barbed wire crowbar, it meets Marvin Wood’s face! Pieces of flesh rip off with it, Wood is BLEEDING! MARVIN WOOD IS BLEEDING!!! THE COUNTER BEGINS!

Mikey Massacre: My GOD the crowd is going NUTS!!!! Justin Case is less than one minute away from one of the biggest wins in his career! Wood is bleeding!

Linzi Martin: NOW RUN JUSTIN! RUN AND DON’T LOOK BACK!

Wood staggers, he’s feeling the pain now.

Fans: WELCOME TO REBEL PRO! WELCOME TO REBEL PRO!

Wood looks around, dazed and a bit angered. Case with another swing! Wood falls to his knees, holding his face as he bleeds! The counter is at 30 seconds left!

Mikey Massacre: DO IT JUSTIN! REMIND THE WORLD WHY YOU’RE A BONAFIDE LEGEND!

Linzi Martin: Oh, I’m so excited. I need an umbrella!

Case goes for another swing, but Wood blocks it. Hello, did you forget he’s the super duper awesome Victory Champion? He isn’t going down without a fight. Counter is at 20 seconds!

Mikey Massacre: Why would you need an umbrella? We’re in a dry arena.

Wood fights to his feet, cracking Justin Case repeatedly in the face with well placed lefts and rights! He has no choice! Case stumbles back, couner is at 15 seconds!

Linzi Martin: The arena might not be wet, but I am!

Mikey Massacre: Oh… Oh… OHHHHHHH! Oh my.

Wood tries to grapple! Case blocks it!

10!

Case with a head butt, Wood stumbles back.

9!

Wood goes for a left, Case blocks!

8!

Wood kicks Case in the gut! Case keels forward!

7!

Marvin Wood with a European uppercut! Case head flies back up!

6!

Case goes for a super kick!!!! Wood catches his leg!

5!!!

Wood spins Justin Case around!

4!!

Wood grabs onto Case, wrapping his head into his left arm!

3!!!!

WOOD WITH AN IMPLANT DDT!!!

2!!!

CASE’S FACE LANDED ON THE BARBED WIRE CROWBAR!!! OH MY FUCK!

1!!!!

CASE IS BLEEDING!!! JUSTIN CASE IS BLEEDING!!! THE MATCH GOES ON TO PINFALL OR SUBMISSION!

The crowd is having a massive collective heart attack, everyone is going nuts. The crowd is getting rowdy again as last week, but in a good way. Wood looks up at the timer, stopped dead at 1 second. He sighs in relief.

Linzi Martin: OH MAN I LOVE THIS PLACE!!! I’m on the edge of my seat!!!!

Mikey Massacre: GET UP JUSTIN! FINISH HIM!!!!

Case looks groggy as hell, and Wood covers him.

1!

2!!

THREEEEE- NO!!! JUSTIN CASE KICKS OUT! REBEL Pro is still in it!!!!

Wood gets to his feet, but so does Case. Both men are groggy but Case grapples Wood! He twists him around and whips him into the ropes. SPINEBUSTER!!! Case quickly rolls Wood up!

1!

2!!!

3!!!!!!!!!!

JUSTIN CASE WINS..

NO! NO!! NO!!! WOOD HAD HIS SHOULDER UP JUSSSSST BEFORE THE 3!

Mikey Massacre: We need brown paper bags, everyone is hyper ventilating.

Linzi Martin: *Breathing heavily*

Case slams his fist on the canvas but he doesn’t have time to be angry as Wood grabs him by the legs, INDIAN DEATH LOCK! Oh my fuck that’s gotta hurt, Wood is a masterful wrestler! Case is screaming, writhing in pain!!! Case looks ready to tap out! He raises his arm, his fist clenched as he sweats, bleeds and breathes REBEL fucking Pro. The crowd is on their feet, cheering him on not to give out. Wood is so clinical in his application of the death lock, there seems like no hope for Case! But Case finds some inner strength! He begins wildly throwing himself forward to strike at Wood and get Wood to let go of the hold. Finally, Wood does!

Mikey Massacre: We’re back in it! Never thought I’d be cheering Justin Case, but hell. Everyone in REBEL Pro is right now!

Linzi Martin: If that’s what you call it.

Linzi lifts her hand back up and licks her fingers clean, smiling. Mikey’s eyes go O_O.

Case is up. Wood is up. Case stumbles forward. He goes for Just 2 Talented! Wood counters, pushes Case off of him. IMPERFECT TENSE!!! WOOD WITH IMPERFECT TENSE!!! Wood covers!!!

1!

2!!

3!!!

DING DING DING

Wood is on his knees, wiping the blood off his face.

Jenny Jersey: The winner and moving on to the finals of the AoWF TV Title tournament… Victory Wrestlings MARVIN WOOD!!!!

The crowd is still cheering, offering both men a standing ovation as Wood is handed his Victory Wrestling World Heavyweight title. Wood raises his arms high in the air, Case seems disappointed as he wipes the blood from his face and we fade to one last shot of Wood victorious.

*****The Joke‘s On You!*****

The REBELTron has a static picture now, nothing is clear. All we see is…

STATIC

*****QUICK RESULTS*****

Style Clash defeats Jeremy Gold & his obese parody tag partner and they break the ring.
J.T. Whiplash defeats Lucious Starr and continues his rise!
Violet Harper defeats Gabe Shelley and then we see the emergence of a blood feud! YEAH!
Marvin Wood defeats Justin Case and moves on sadly, but they’re both awesome and it was fun.