*****Special Delivery*****

Meanwhile, outside of whatever the fuck arena Rebel’s gonna demolish this week, a tall figure holding a package walks towards the entrance. Strange looking bastard though. But then again, how couldn’t you get crazy looks and double takes when you have robot octopus arms and a really tiny head. And having three voices is rather confusing, don’t you think?

Top: Why the hell are we doing this again?

Middle: Because it’s a dramatic entrance.

Bottom: An ish much better than jus blowing it up.

A guard stops…them? It?

Top: Special delivery for *papers russle* a Mister Rupert,

Middle: Gold,

Bottom: Oar Kalis.

Top: Courtesy of a Trixie Von Vixen. Professor of Time, Space, and Lunacy. Munich, Germany.

The protective neanderthal tilts his head as if trying to figure out exactly how it said all that without moving its lips. The cold button eyes staring back seem to suggest that something isn’t quite right. A minute passes. Then he opens the door.

Guard: Whatever.

And our figure skips inside, nearly losing its balance but never dropping the package.

Aggression Logo

*****The Aftermath Edition*****

We fade into the office of our illustriously bisexual cocaine addled General Manager himself, Jeremy Gold. He’s sitting on his desk, kicking his feet around.

Jeremy Gold: With Simon at home nursing his injuries, it leaves the job of running REBEL Pro up to ME!

Rupert The Kangaroo puts his piece of celery down, and gives Gold a dirty look and hisses.

Jeremy Gold: Right. Us! US!

Rupert returns to munching his celery stalk and nods. Gold scratches his chin.

Rupert The Kangaroo: *Makes whatever noises Kangaroo’s make. I really should google that at some point so there’s something else to put here.*

Gold lights up, his eyes widen.

Jeremy Gold: YES! You’re brilliant Rupert!

Gold points at the camera in the office.

Jeremy Gold: As of this moment, Bobby Lee’s Curtain Jerker Championship title is OFFICIALLY recognized by REBEL Pro! His reign from whence he won, will be thrown into the history books! Retroactive and shit!

Rupert The Kangaroo: *noises and stuff*

Jeremy Gold: Nah, he won’t be mad. I think?

We fade into a fancy intro video for Aggression, with some heavy metal playing over it as pyros explode all over the arena.

Linzi Martin: Hello ladies and gentlemen! I’m Linzi Martin!

Batman: And I’m dunanunanuna BATMAN!

Linzi Martin: Hey Marvin Humperdink. I take it the head offices haven’t found a permanent replacement for Mikey yet, huh?

Batman: It’s a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it.

*****REBEL Pro Curtain Jerker Championship Match*****
*****Loren N. Chill versus Bobby Lee©*****

DING DING

Jenny Jersey: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and will be the for the REBEL Pro Curtain Jerker Championship!

The crowd reacts variously, some cheer, some holler, some are just flat out confused.

Linzi Martin: And how do you win a title like that?

The guitar & drums of “I Hear Voices” by Uriah Heap sound off inside of the arena, as the music hits full stride, Bobby Lee emerge from the entranceway. He has on full riot gear and his Curtain Jerker Championship securely strapped around his head and several Nerf guns attached to his Kevlar vest.

Linzi Martin: Oh no! It’s Chattanooga all over again!

Linzi hides under the announcer table.

Batman: Just when you thought Bobby Lee couldn’t get any more odd, Loren N. Chill pushes the right button and sends Bobby Lee’s paranoia into overdrive.

As Bobby Lee makes his way to the ring, the camera pans to an audience member holding up a sign that says, “Give Peace A Chance”, with the Vulcan hand greeting drawn on.

Jenny Jersey: Making his way to the ring, weighing in at 240 lbs., he hails from Miller’s Trailer Park — the Curtain Jerker Champion — Bobby Lee!!

Bobby Lee gets into the ring, back himself up into a corner and putting his full-body riot shield in front of him.

Jenny Jersey: And his opponent…

Batman: Here we go.

The REBELTron goes to static, the lights begin to dissolve on and off repeatedly, as “Faaip de Oiad” by Tool begins to creep into the arena.

Batman: What the fuck is that noise!?

The entire arena has their hands over their ears, Bobby Lee has since dropped his riot shield and is now cowering behind the apron on the far side of the ring from the entrance way.

As the song comes to a close, the entire arena is engulfed in pitch black.

Then, “Let Me Prey” by Van Helsing’s Curse begins playing throughout as the arena is now engulfed in red overhead lights, the REBELTron now displays alien-like symbols and images. As the lights over the entranceway come on we can see what appears to be a dozen black-robed Yautjas (Predators, for those of you who never read the comics), some with masks, some without.

Linzi Martin: Oh my gosh! Bobby was right! The Reticuli are real!

Linzi climbs back under the table.

### CENTURIES HAD PASSED ###
### AND THE WORLD HAD CHANGED ###
### BUT IT KNEW THEY HAD NOT ###

### FIRST THEY WOULD TRY TO FIGHT ###

### THEN THEY WOULD TRY TO RUN ###

### AND THEN THEY WOULD PRAY ###

The maniacal laughter that was once Patient 4479 can be heard echoing through the arena.

### “LET US PRAY” ###

### NO! ###

### LET ME PREY ###

The Yautjas make their way down the aisle in pairs and begin to circle around the ring. Bobby Lee tries to scramble for a new place to hide but quickly retreats back into the ring, snatching up his riot shield and cautiously watching all sides of the ring.

Then, at the top of the entrance appears two more Yautja, one of which is completely decked out with battle-ready armor.

Batman: Wow, Loren N. Chill is really selling tonight.

The two Yautja, Loren & Dennis, make their way down to the ring. Dennis gets down on all fours next to the ring apron and Loren uses his back as a step up. Once on the apron, Loren steps into the ring and the camera focuses on Bobby Lee who has appeared to literally soil his pants.

The bell sounds.

* DING * * DING * * DING *

As Loren approaches Bobby Lee, Bobby tries to jet back out of the ring but sees the Yautja on the outside of the ring and turns around, running into a stiff arm clothesline. Loren pulls Bobby up by his and begins pounding away at his forehead with his fist, backing Bobby up into the corner before Irish whipping him across the ring with authority.

As the turnbuckle slams into Bobby’s chest, Bobby begins to stumble backward, walking right into a side Russian leg sweep.

Batman: Cover!

Just before the referee comes down for the three-count, Loren pulls Bobby’s head and shoulders off the mat to stop the count. With Bobby on the ground, Loren pulls off the Yautja masks — both of them — and tosses them out into the crowd.

Linzi Martin: Loren really is the Reticuli second in command!

Batman: *face palm* [pause] Loren Chill, in control here during the early goings of this match-up. The mind games before the match really taking their toll on Bobby Lee’s psyche.

Loren slides out of the ring and heads over to where Jenny Jersey is sitting, shoving her to the ground and grabbing the chair under her, folding it up and sliding back into the ring with it. Walking over to Bobby Lee, he pulls him to his feet and hangs him upside down in the tree of woe. Taking the chair he brought into the ring, he lays it against Bobby’s face and takes off for the opposite corner.

With a head of steam, Loren delivers a dropkick to the chair. The chair falls flat on the mat and Bobby’s head is busted wide open. Loren unhooks him from the tree of woe and just lets Bobby flop to the mat as well. Picking Bobby back up from the mat, he shoves him back into the corner before mounting the second turnbuckle. Loren then reaches into one of the pockets of his Yautja utility belt and pulls out a pair of brass knuckles. Pounding his fists into Bobby’s head as the arena counts them off, as does Linzi Martin.

Linzi Martin: 1, 6, 4, 7, 2, 9, 3, 12, B, 10!

Batman: Close.

Loren, stepping aside to let Bobby stagger out of the corner, climbs to the third tier of the turnbuckle and turns around. Bobby still staggering, turns around and is on the receiving end of a flying head scissors that sends him skidding to the outside of the ring.

Batman: Bobby Lee better be careful on the outside of the ring with all of those “aliens”.

Loren slides under the bottom rope and quickly begins digging under the ring to find a kendo stick.

Batman: Wow, that was conveniently placed!

Bobby slowly gets to his feet just to be cracked in the skull with the kendo stick. Bobby back peddles to the ring steps, getting cracked in the head again, the kendo stick starting to split. Loren throws the stick down, grabs Bobby by his hair and slams Bobby’s face into the steps before throwing him back into the ring. Loren climbs up to the apron and waits.

Batman: Loren could be setting up for the J.O.Y!

Bobby, again, slow to his feet and as he turns around Loren slingshots onto the top rope and catches Bobby Lee with a 720 DDT onto the chair that still rests on the mat.

Batman: That move had to hurt Loren as much as it hurt Bobby as his hand is clutching underneath him at his back. Wait a minute!

The referee runs and slides across the mat and beings counting.

3!!

The referee quickly gets to his feet and calls for the bells as “I Hear Voices” by Uriah Heap plays throughout the arena.

Batman: What the fuck just happened here?

The REBELTron shows the reply as Loren comes off the top rope with the 720 DDT onto the chair, it shows him writhing in pain. It also shows, Loren with both shoulders on the mat with Bobby Lee’s arm still draped across Loren’s stomach.

Batman: Are you telling me…

Jenny Jersey: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner: BOBBY LEE!!

The referee helps Bobby Lee to his feet, holding his hand up in victory. The timekeeper brings the Curtain Jerker Championship and hands it into the ring. Bobby Lee seizes the belt and begins celebrating his conquering of the Reticuli. He goes from corner to corner, the referee following him as he celebrates. As Bobby comes down off the turnbuckle, the referee snatches the Curtain Jerker Championship title from Bobby Lee’s grasp.

Batman: This is not going to end well.

Bobby keeps telling the referee, “But I won!” and the referee keeps nodding his head but keeps walking towards Loren Chill who is now upright in the corner, still holding onto his back. The referee hands Loren the belt and then proceeds to push Bobby Lee away from Loren.

Batman: Bobby Lee is irate. Who would’ve thought that the Curtain Jerker Championship would EVER change hands, let alone in this fashion?

Bobby is in the aisle way now, pulling out his hair and screaming at the referee and the Reticuli still standing around the ring. Loren Chill holds the title up, looking at it with slight disgust before a smirk breaks from the corner of his mouth.

Batman: Oh, wait a minute… That sly fucking bastard!

Loren starts laughing to himself in the corner of the ring. Once Bobby Lee is out of sight, Loren exits the ring as “The Outsider [Apocalypse Mix]” by A Perfect Circle fills the arena, laughing, smiling and shaking his head all the way up the aisle.

Mikey Massacre: Folks, Loren N. Chill said this past week that all Bobby Lee needed to make it in this business was the right motivation — I think it’s safe to say, Bobby Lee now has the right motivation. Look out Rebel Pro!

Loren stands on top of the entrance ramp, holding the Curtain Jerker Championship high above his head as he disappears backstage.

*****Troublesome ‘11*****

” Troublesome ’96 ” by Tupac Shakur hits up on the P.A. and out steps REBEL PRO’s most talented trio. ” Case Filed Rockets ” make their way to the ring with eager intention. Once from within the ring, Case motions for a couple mics as the new ” Twin Towers of Professional Wrestling ” stand in the center of the ring. Their manager stands in the background. The music dies off.

Boos linger

” Wreckless ” Rocky Logan: Thank you for that warm welcome but You see, there are many reasons why we have asked for this time slot. So we can stand here all day and wait until you guys shut the hell up!! As the one and only was about to say, I know you all want to know why we are here. Its very simple really. After some deep soul searching, and some nice long walks on the beach. It finally hit us. WE R #1!

WRL pauses as more boos egnite

” TMG ” Justin Case proceeds to talk

“TMG” Justin Case: Thats right, Rock. And while we are offically the new number one contenders to the REBEL PRO Tag Team Championship Title belts, that only means that one team is in our talented way. There is only one team that now matters to us. As you could of guessed it, the team ” Hardcore Entertainment ” has now got our full attention. You see, they have what we want. They have what we need. They have what we can not do without. That is the tag team titles!

More boos

Rocky speaks

WRL: But you see, this is much more then just a couple of title belts. This is about the truth. And while we all need to find our own truths in our ways. There are a couple truths that we feel we need to bring to the fore front. Meaning that Hardcore Entertainment has got to face their own truth. In other words, Hardcore Entertainment has been coasting along all this time without having to face their fears. And in order to be the best. One must face his deepest fears. They have yet to even know their own fears. Until now….

” TMG ” proceeds

” TMG ” Justin Case: You see, until now Hardcore Entertainment thought they were on top of the world. But now, now its time for them to fall back down to earth! Its now time Hardcore Entertainment faces the truth. Its now time Bubba J and Vincent Black face their deepest fears!

What I mean is simple really. There are two very different, yet distant cousins, that are very dear to Black and Bubba. They need to be brought up. Because if not faced with and dealt with, these two factors can build up inside a person and cause serious, if not deadly, reactions. So without further adieu, I bring to you the two ” fear factors ” that Hardcore Entertainment will soon have to face. The first factor is Anger. The second factor is Forgiveness. These are the two ” fear factors ” that Vincent Black and Bubba J will soon have to deal with when its time to face the truth. And once the truth comes out, It will be those two ” Fear Factors ” that will present themselves in such ways that it will bring each man down to his knees!!

So we will end on this. Face your fears and face the truth but failure to egknowledge the truth will end in your bitter demise!

Justin Case U didnt know…..

WRL speaks

WRL: …..We R Simply Amazing!!

The three men then drop the mics as their theme music hits up and they exit the ring. And proceed into the backstage area, as we head to commercial break.

*****WHAT’S IN A FECAL BEAGLE?*****

The scene opens up to a tavern that looks similar to the Hardcore Drinking establishments we see plastered all over Rebel Pro these days. A man in blue-jeans and a plaid shirt approaches the bar, making his way past all kinds of hot chicks with only half their clothes on dancing with guys who are all buff and stuff. The man reaches the bar and begins waving down the bartender with his hand he says:

Man: Give me a

http://viagrageneric-cost.com/plavix and surgery accutane dosage form buy accutane online cialis dosage propecia price

Fecal Beagle Sourmash!

The bartender turns around, the camera pans across the country where we see a fat, retired truck driver eating a can of corn. The next scene shows that same truck driver going to the restroom. When he flushes, the camera goes down the piping to what appears to be a plantation. A worker uses a net to remove the feces from the water and dumps it into a bin. The bin gets dumped into a pit where women walk around in a circle barefoot, smashing it down into liquid. The liquid is then pumped out into a keg and the keg is shipped out.

Returning to the bar, the bartender pulls the handle on the same keg and fills up a frosty mug with Fecal Beagle Sourmash! The patron takes a drink, smiles and looks into the camera.

Man: Now THAT tastes like shit!

Voice Over: Fecal Beagle Sourmash! Ask for it by name! — Now with every Fecal Beagle Sourmash you order, get a free beer coaster made of corrugated toilet paper that Loren N. Chill previously used to wipe his ass with!

*****Sexy Time Continues!*****

“Gasoline” by Audioslave hits the sound system as Violet Harper comes out from backstage to a roaring crowd, very much happy with their second-tier champion and what she had to do to keep her title. Violet is banged up quite a bit from last week’s match, but she still has her gorgeous smile and a smoking body. She makes it to the ring as “Gasoline” dies down, and Violet takes a mic offered up from Jenny Jersey.

VIOLET HARPER: WHAT’S UP WEST VIRGINIA?!

The crowd explodes again, and she’s filled with smiles and probably candy.

VIOLET HARPER: The better Virginia that’s for sure!

But probably not.

VIOLET HARPER: You know last week was probably one of the toughest matches of my short career and JT Whiplash took me to my limit and tested me in every way possible. He should get a boatload of credit for his efforts at Prove Your Worth!, which despite his loss I think he proved it a few times over don’t you folks?

The crowd cheers, a “WHIP-LASH” chant breaking out. Violet is still all smiles.

VIOLET HARPER: Moving along then! I need a new challenger! Now, I heard that Jaice Wilds thinks he’s just going to make himself the number one contender to my belt. Sure, Jaice, I suppose you could do that but it really falls on what Simon Kalis has in store for me. I’ve already beaten you before in singles competition; I defeated you, Case, and Legion in the TLC match. But, you want to come at me a third time, because you think it’s a charm? It’s only going to get you your third ass-kicking by me, Jaice. You got lucky at PYW when Panzadise interfered in your match and gave you the win against Lucious Starr. You got lucky you still have a career. Quite frankly I don’t think you’ve earned a shot at my belt!

LINZI MARTIN: She’s so right!

The crowd agrees.

VIOLET HARPER: But I’ll tell you what, Jaice. Your match is coming up next. I’m going to take a seat next to my hot friend Linzi Martin over there and keep a close eye on what you do inside this ring. If you can prove to me tonight that you have what it takes to be the number one contender to my Awesome Championship by beating Virgil Keenan decisively, then you’ll get your wish. Of course, this is all barring Simon Kalis’ approval. It’s his show, babe.

Violet hands the mic back over to Jenny Jersey, and climbs out of the ring with the Aggression Championship over her shoulder. She grabs a chair and sits down next to Linzi Martin, who’s just shocked as all hell that her sexy crush is so close to her. Jenny Jersey starts making the announcements for the next match.

*****Jaice Wilds versus Virgil Keenan*****

They immediately rush each other and clash in the middle of the ring. Virgil with a right, Jaice with a left. Virgil sends out an elbow that catches poor Wilds square in the chin, twisting his head around. Wilds stumbles back but lashes out with a stiff kick to the gut of Virgil Keenan. Wilds bounces off the ropes with a springboard back elbow, and catches Virgil square in the face. Virgil spins around and then keels forward, Wilds with a spinning DDT out of no where crushes Keenans face against the canvas. Jaice Wilds decides to go for a quick cover.

Batman: Crikey this is exciting.

2!!

Violet Harper: I thought you were Batman not the Crocodile Hunter.

KICK OUT!

Linzi Martin: I thought all Australians said crikey.

Keenan kicks out at the two, and throws the much smaller Jaice Wilds off of him. Keenan back to his feet and grabs Jaice as Wilds gets to his, hammerlock DDT takes Jaice Wilds down and clean. Keenan back up, as Jaice wilds sits up and holds his head feeling groggy. Keenan with a lariat to the seated Wilds! The crowd cheers the fighters on, hoping for more violence and more blood we imagine.

Batman: Gee wilikers Violet, one of these guys could be your opponent in the very near future! How’s that make you feel?

Wilds spins around on his back, flipping himself back onto his feet and then with a jumping clothesline takes down Virgil.

Violet Harper: Sure, it doesn’t really matter to me either way sweety. I’ve proven to Jaice twice I can take him down.

Virgil rolls out of the ring and to the outside, and is a bit slow to get up. Jaice Wilds hops up onto the top rope and then springboards himself off with a spectacular cross body splash. Jaice Wilds unleashes a fury of lefts and rights on the downed Keenan before getting to his feet and climbing up onto the apron. He hops onto the ropes and goes for an asai moonsault… Virgil catches him! PILEDRIVER ONTO THE GROUND! The crowd loves it! Wilds holds his neck in pain, his feet kicking the ground.

Linzi Martin: Oh, Jaice might be hurt there.

Batman: So what, you don’t worry about Virgil Keenan?

Keenan lifts Wilds up to his feet by his neck, cracking his elbow down across the back of Jaice’s neck before whipping him shoulder first into the steel steps. Jaice hit’s the steel and flips over, landing hard on the other side.

Violet Harper: He’s certainly interesting but he’s got a lot to prove yet.

Linzi Martin: Jaice looks hurt.

Jaice crawls away, or tries to. Virgil comes up behind him and lifts off the top half of the steel steps and raises them over his head. He launches it down at Jaice but Jaice rolls out of the way right in time. Jaice leaps up to his feet, spinning neck breaker on Virgil! Both men are on the outside of the ring, breathing hard. Jaice is up first, and grabs Virgil and throws him into the ring. Jaice slides in but out of no where, Virgil grabs him and pins him with a school boy!

2!!

THREE-KICK OUT! Jaice kicks out JUST before the 3!

Virgil uses the referees help to pull himself to his feet, and by help we mean he grabs onto the referee and uses him as leverage. Jaice rushes forward. A Superkick neck breaker! But Virgil throws the referee in and lets him take the full force of the move, knocking him down and out! Jaice looks worried as he checks up on the referee, but Virgil Keenan turns and stalks him.

Violet Harper: Well this looks fun.

Linzi Martin: Not as fun as being here with you sexy.

Violet Harper: Aw, you’re so sweet.

Batman: I… err… My batdick senses are tingling.

Linzi Martin: MARVIN!

Violet Harper: Hahaha.

Batman: Errr… Hmm.

As Jaice gets back up and turns around, he runs right into the Burning Hammer from Virgil Keenan! The crowd jumps to their feet, Virgil covers!

2!!

3!!!!

Except Virgil was the one slapping the canvas with his free hand. He lets go of Jaice and begins slapping the referee around to get him awake. Jaice meanwhile rolls out of the ring and shoves that top half of the steel steps into the ring, quickly moving to get back into the ring. Virgil turns around and shakes his head, as if he’s going to be caught off guard by something like this. Jaice is still wobbly after the Burning Hammer too. Virgil grapples him, Tiger suplex into a pin!!!

…

…….

The referee is finally awake.

2!!

KICK OUT! JAICE WILDS KICKS OUT!

Violet Harper: Well I’ll be!

Linzi Martin: With me?!

Violet Harper: Oh you’re a slick one.

Batman: *odd hand movements*

Virgil shakes his head as both men get to their feet. Jaice is still a bit wobbly. Virgil grapples him again but this time Jaice swings himself around, jumping Russian leg sweep onto the steel steps!!! Jaice quickly gets to the corner and heads to the top turnbuckle. AERIAL ACE!!! He covers Virgil!

2!!

3!!!

DING DING DING

Violet Harper: Well damn, lots of screw jobs going around these days huh? Poor Virgil.

Linzi Martin: Not enough if you ask me. Hehe.

Batman: I am NOT a virgin!

Jenny Jersey: The winner of this match… JAICE WILDS!!!

Jaice has his hand raised by the referee then looks over the top rope to yell out to Violet Harper. Jaice makes title motions with his hands over his waist.

Violet Harper: Oh look the little man wants things. What he should be doing is paying attention to the guy who should’ve won, behind him.

Violet points to Jaice, but actually to Virgin who stands much taller than Jaice. Virgil has the steel steps back in his hands and slams them down across the back of Jaice Wilds neck. Jaice flips over the top rope and onto the outside.

Linzi Martin: Isn’t Violet awesome? Always right about everything.

Violet Harper: We should do this again some other time.

Virgil hoists the steel steps up onto the top turnbuckle and climbs up to the middle ropes. Jaice Wilds turns himself over onto his back and looks up in shock. Violet stands up and nods, perhaps impressed, as Virgil chucks the heavy steel steps off the top rope and right onto Jaice Wilds. Virgil then looks at Violet and just nods, as Violet smiles and slaps the hands of fans as she makes her way backstage.

*****The Truth Shall Make You Bleed*****

An unmasked Taboo and “The Show” Chad Kurtis are backstage. They’re dressed in business casual clothing, since they aren’t wrestling tonight. Taboo looks into the camera while Kurtis stands behind him.

TABOO: Case, Logan… you know, Chad and I know, everyone in this arena tonight, everyone in the arena last week, and everyone watching on television knows you only won your match because the referee didn’t see my arm draped over Logan’s body. It was luck, pure and simple. Sure, up until the point, you two were going toe-to-toe with Style Clash, but the winner wasn’t determined by skill. No, no!

KURTIS: That’s right, Allen. Style Clash was robbed, but we’re not two to sit around and and bitch and moan about this decision or that. The ref easily could’ve seen Taboo first and the match would’ve turned out otherwise. All we can do is control the future and that’s what we’re here to do! Justin Case, Rocky Logan. We know you have your eyes set on Hardcore Entertainment, and you should! But when that dust has settled, Style Clash wants the Case Filed Rockets ONE MORE TIME! If you have the straps, then put up and put ‘em on the line. If you don’t have the straps, then Style Clash just wants an opportunity to show the world that we ARE the best tag team in this company and what happened last week was happenstance!

TABOO: What do you say, fellas? Speak it over with that fat fuck Hugh Aredone and get back to us.

*****The Reawakening*****

A video begins playing on the big screen inside the arena as we fade from view from Taboo and Kurtis. It shows a young lady and her mother shopping in an upscale mall, both seem quite unaware that there is a camera following them. For those familiar with the NAPW, you just might recognize these two as Taboo’s ex-wife and daughter. An unrecognizable yet still somewhat familiar voice begins to speak.

Voice: Taboo, I’m coming back. And I must thank you. You see, I walked away from this sport a few months ago because I just didn’t care anymore. I had lost the drive to keep going.

The two woman leave a clothing store each holding several shopping bags. Both still blissfully ignorant to the potential danger they’re in.

Voice: Seeing you again has re-awoken the demon inside me. Re-awoken the passion I once had for this game we play.

The two women are walking towards a small bistro inside the mall. They take there seats and each order’s a mineral water while they look over the menu.

Voice: Taboo, you and I are forever linked, our fates forever entwined. You were there at the beginnings of my journey. And I will be there to end yours.

The camera zooms in for a close up of the younger of the two women.

Voice: She is pretty isn’t she Taboo? The best qualities from mother and father combined with youthful innocence. One day she may even forgive you for choosing this sport over her. But she will never forgive you for bringing me into her life.

The camera starts moving towards her as it cuts to black.

*****What Makes a REBEL?*****

“All Right Now” by Free cues up and Mikey Massacre emerges from the curtain. The fans greet him with mostly boos. He tells them to relax, that he will explain everything, but they aren’t listening. He rolls his eyes at them and rolls into the ring, a microphone in his hand. His music cuts.

MIKEY MASSACRE: Alright, alright, everyone. Relax. I think I’ve earned the right to explain myself, haven’t I?

Boos.

MIKEY MASSACRE: Over three years in this company and… this is how I am treated?

Boos.

MIKEY MASSACRE: Well, maybe after I explain myself, you’ll see things from my perspective. Look, I know I went a little overboard. I hear Lisa’s eye is hurt real bad… and that’s unfortunate. It’s not really her fault. She was the recipient of a lot of anger. Anger that was somewhat misplaced. So, for that, I apologize.

Less boos, but now with a LISA SELDON chant.

MIKEY MASSACRE: But for the past year, I’ve been sitting at that announce table, having to watch the promotion I created, the promotion that was built with my sweat, my blood and with years off of my life…

He looks around.

MIKEY MASSACRE: It has turned to shit!

MIKEY MASSACRE: Bubba and Vinny, they make their points about REBEL Pro having gone soft, and I appreciate what they have to say. In some ways, they are right. But it is much more than that. Those two hillbillies aren’t smart enough to know what REBEL really needs. Where things really went wrong. REBEL Pro… has sold out. And you know what? I’m not the only one who thinks so!

The fans boo more. They love the REBEL Pro of today.

MIKEY MASSACRE: And you know what? Look around. If the person next to you is booing me, and doesn’t believe that Simon Kalis has ruined this promotion, that the days of Rob Martinez and Gordon were the good old days, the golden age… then that person next to you has sold out too.

The fans boo him as LISA SELDON and BUBBA VINNY BUBBA VINNY chants erupt.

MIKEY MASSACRE: Oh, come on, give me five minutes of your time!

Nope.

MIKEY MASSACRE: Dammit! I’m Mikey FUCKING Massacre! I built this fucking place! I gave you shelter! I gave all of you a place to call home because you were unsatisfied in your everyday nine-to-five lives! Dammit, you selfish pricks… I gave you all a REASON to LIVE!

MIKEY MASSACRE: You treat me like this? FUCK YOU! I’M OUT!

The fans continue to boo as some trash is thrown in the ring. Mikey looks out, incredibly angry, in disbelief that he is being treated like this. He climbs up the turnbuckle and gives the dual salute before jumping off and leaving the ring. He gives the finger to the more vocal of his detractors as he leaves to “Heavy Metal Machine” by Smashing Pumpkins

*****Grudge Match****
*****Vicious Vic Wagner(PWA) versus Bubba J(REBEL)*****

DING DING DING

Batman: There’s the bell, and we are underway…

Linzi Martin: This might be a week late, but it’s better late than never!

Bubba J and Vic Wagner immediately walk up to each other in the center of the ring, getting nose to nose with smack-talk as referee Jimmy Johnson tries to step in between them. Wagner shoves away the referee as Bubba J then tosses the referee over the top rope as the two men start tagging each other with lefts and rights as the crowd is on their feet.

Batman: They’re not wasting any time here early on!

Linzi Martin: Let’s get it on, boys!

As the fans are on their feet, Bubba J starts to get the upper hand with some hard punches to the face of Vic Wagner as he whips Wagner into the ropes, only for Wagner to reverse it and as Wagner tries to telegraph it into a back-drop, Bubba J counters with a hard kick to the face.

Batman: We’re not going to see a whole lot of catch-as-catch can wrestling here… this is going to be an all-out fight!

Linzi Martin: If you’re a wrestling purist, this won’t be your type of match!

Bubba J then catches Wagner with a DDT following the kick to the face. Bubba J then digs into his jeans pocket and pulls out a fork. He then proceeds to dig it into the forehead of Vic Wagner, carving a double “R” into his forehead.

Batman: WHOA! Bubba J not wasting ANY time breaking out the weaponry here…

Linzi Martin: This could get really ugly, really quick.

Bubba J then finishes carving into the now bloody forehead of Vic Wagner. He then turns his back on Wagner to play to the fans, only to get met by a Roaring Elbow Smash from Wagner, right to Bubba J’s face. A stunned Bubba J then gets caught with a textbook Butterfly Suplex by Wagner before Wagner goes to apply a Rear Naked Choke. Bubba J, upon being locked in the submission hold, gets a crazed look in his eyes as he slowly gets to his feet with Vic Wagner in a piggy-back position as Bubba J rams Wagner back-first into the turnbuckles.

Batman: I know Bubba J’s not big on “wrestling”, per se… but one has to be impressed with the counter he just came up with to avoid the submission there!

Linzi Martin: Even with that counter, he’s still having to catch his breath.

As Bubba J drops to one knee to catch his breath for a moment, Vic Wagner rolls down to the arena floor, clutching at his back. Bubba J finally rolls to the outside and reaches under the ring to pull out a pair of brass knuckles with thumb-tacks on the left hand and broken glass on the right hand as he holds them up in the air for a moment, before charging Vic with a Lou Thesz Press, tagging him with lefts and rights, leaving Wagner a bloody mess.

Batman: DAMN! Wagner is going to be feeling THOSE punches in the morning…

Linzi Martin: That’s just sadistic right there!

Bubba J then jumps off of Wagner and spits on him as he reaches under the ring again, looking for something as he finally pulls out a barbed-wire-wrapped hangman’s noose. He then proceeds to wrap it around Wagner’s neck as Bubba J gets back in the ring with Wagner still on the outside as he starts to pulls back on the rope and attempt to hang Wagner as he laughs sadistically at Wagner bleeding around the neck and flailing his arms to try and avoid being hung.

Batman: Now that gives new meaning to the expression “hanging someone out to dry”…

Linzi Martin: Or to bleed in the case of Vic Wagner.

As Bubba J releases the noose, a few fans chant “WE WANT BLOOD! WE WANT BLOOD!” as Bubba J shouts back “Well, you’re gittin’ it!”

Batman: And a few rocket scientists in the crowd chanting for blood…

Linzi Martin: I think the results of their IQ test probably came back negative.

As Bubba J plays to the fans, it gives time for Vic Wagner to get to one knee on the outside. Bubba J then goes outside and charges Wagner, but gets caught with a drop-toe hold into the near-by time-keeper’s chair, busting open Bubba J in the process.

Batman: Well, that certainly back-fired for Bubba J!

Linzi Martin: And now… Vic Wagner goes on the offensive!

Wagner then picks up Bubba J for some Trapping Headbutts to open his wound even further, and after a series of those, he does an over-head belly-to-belly suplex to Bubba J. An infuriated Wagner then removes the protective mats from ring-side and picks up Bubba J for a Cradle Piledriver, drilling him head-first into the concrete as the fans collective gasp in horror.

Batman: Vic Wagner is not just out to win this match, he’s out to cripple Bubba J!

Linzi Martin: Thank you, Captain Obvious!

Wagner then picks up a practically dead-weight Bubba J and pushes him back into the ring as he goes for a pin-fall as referee Jimmy Johnson goes to make the count.

Batman: Here’s the first pin-fall attempt of the match…

One…

Two…

Linzi Martin: Bubba J manages to kick out at two and a half!

Wagner then proceeds to stomp on Bubba J before he picks him up from behind and crosses his arms for a Straight Jacket Suplex, which he delivers to perfection as he holds onto the arms for another pinning predicament.

Batman: Once again, Wagner tries to go for the pin….

One…

Two…

Linzi Martin: No! STILL not enough to keep Bubba J down!

Wagner then drags a nearly lifeless Bubba J to the center of the ring and motions “It’s Over!” as he goes to climb the top rope, but on his way up to the top rope, Bubba J wobbily gets to his feet and desperately falls back into the ropes, crotching Wagner as Bubba J goes up top and hits a Top Rope Superplex as both men are now down for the ten count.

Batman: Both men are now down and referee Jimmy Johnson is administering his ten count!

One!

Two!

Three!

Linzi Martin: Neither man is stirring as of yet…

Four!

Five!

Batman: It looks like Bubba J is starting to stir!

Six!

Linzi Martin: Still no signs of life from Wagner…

Seven!

Batman: Bubba J gets back to his feet and manages to picks up Vic Wagner as this match continues!

Bubba J then delivers a short-arm clothesline to Wagner, turning him inside out as Bubba J then goes back to the outside, searching under the ring again.

Linzi Martin: What could he be looking for NOW?

Bubba J then starts to roll whiskey and beer bottles inside the confides of the ring as the fans buzz in anticipation of what might be coming.

Batman: This could be interesting…

Bubba J then picks Wagner back up, whipping him into the ropes, and delivering a nasty spine-buster right onto the beer and whiskey bottles as the crowd explodes into a “RE-BEL PRO! RE-BEL PRO!” chant.

Linzi Martin: DEAR GOD! That was BRUTAL!

As Bubba J gets back to his feet, he then once again goes back under the ring briefly to pull out some lighter fluid, a lighter, and a pack of cigarettes.

Batman: I’m not sure I want to know what Bubba J is about to do right now!

Bubba J then pours the lighter fluid down the front of a barely conscious Vic Wagner’s trunks. He then lights up his lighter and proceeds to light the genitals of Vic Wagner on fire as Bubba J laughs sadistically and proceeds to smoke a cigarette as referee Jimmy Johnson quickly grabs a bottle of water and douses out the flames, leaving Wagner holding his groin area in a world of hurt.

Linzi Martin: HOLY SHIT! I can’t believe Bubba J just did that!

Batman: And to top it all off… the guy is smoking a cigarette watching Vic Wagner’s balls being “roasted”!

Bubba J then finishes smoking his cigarette as Wagner keeps holding his genitals in pain. Finally, Bubba J ambles back over toward Wagner, but is met with a desperation eye rake as Wagner struggles to his feet, wincing in pain. Wagner then levels Bubba J with a discus clothesline as Wagner continues to clutch his nether-regions in pain. When Bubba J gets back to his feet, Wagner catches him with a chop block and proceeds to kick the crap out of Bubba J’s left knee. A furious Wagner then drags the legs of Bubba J into the ring-post as he then goes to the outside of the ring, hooking on a ring-post figure four leg-lock on Bubba J as he holds on to it as long as possible before finally releasing the hold.

Linzi Martin: It looks like even with his man-hood burnt, Vic Wagner has fought back and now has Bubba J reeling in pain!

Wagner then drags a couple of chairs into ring-side as he threads one chair around Bubba J’s left knee and then proceeds to smash Bubba J’s knee with the other chair three times before throwing the chair down in disgust on Bubba J’s knee. Wagner then proceeds to lock a clearly injured Bubba J in an elevated single leg crab as Bubba J screams out in pain.

Batman: Wagner has just zeroed in on that injured left knee and seems to be hell-bent on CRIPPLING Bubba J tonight!

Linzi Martin: Bubba J’s in a BAD, BAD way right now…

Bubba J starts trying to fight the hold as he desperately moves toward the ropes, fighting, scratching, and clawing for them with every last ounce of strength left in him as he finally reaches the ropes. Wagner then drags an almost unconscious Bubba J to the center of the ring and once again tries to go for a top rope move. As he balances himself, he goes for a Top Rope Guillotine Legdrop, but there is no water in the pool as Bubba J rolls out of the way at the last possible second.

Batman: Wagner missed it! He missed the leg-drop!

Linzi Martin: And now Bubba J has a new lease on life… but is that leg too damaged for him to capitalize?

Bubba J struggles to his feet and manages to pick up Vic Wagner and drop him with a Front Suplex onto one of the chairs left in the ring. This allows Bubba J to go back to the outside of the ring and pull a few more toys, of sorts, out from under the ring. This time, he pulls out a glass bottle, barbed-wire, and light-tube covered table and what appears to be a purple double-ended dildo wrapped in barbed wire.

Batman: I believe that purple double-ended dildo wrapped in barbed-wire is a tribute to Krusty Kid Paul!

Linzi Martin: That’s MY dild-errrm… never mind…

Bubba J then limps over toward Wagner and starts scraping his mouth out with that barbed-wire wrapped double-ended dildo as Wagner screams out in pain. Bubba J then tosses the dildo in the direction of Batman and begins to set up the specialty table inside the ring. But Bubba J wags his finger to indicate that he’s not done as he then pulls out a 15-foot ladder and sets it up inside the ring as he slowly starts to climb up the ladder. But Wagner is also climbing the ladder as both men start tagging each other with elbow strikes on the the ladder with the crowd cheering every time Bubba J hits Wagner, and booing when Wagner hits Bubba J. Eventually, Bubba J gets the upper hand, holds Wagner in position for a Fallaway Slam, but falls forward with a big body splash through the table as both men are a bloody mess and the fans are chanting. “HO-LY SHIT! HO-LY SHIT! HO-LY SHIT!”

Batman: HOLY SHIT IS RIGHT! This looks like a car wreck…

Linzi Martin: When you put two guys who hate each other in a ring with a ladder and a glass and barbed-wire covered table… the results will be MESSY, BABY!

Bubba J then crawls to his hands and knees, shaking his head causing blood to fly from his various facial lacerations and he starts to cough up blood. But eventually, Bubba J gets back up to his feet and reaches under the ring one last time to pull out a set of thumb-tack covered football shoulder pads.

Batman: I’m not sure I want to know what is about to go down here…

Bubba J straps on the shoulder pads, weakly picks up Wagner, and delivers a Trailer Park Trash (Stunner) onto the shoulder pads as Wagner goes down in a bloody heap, but Bubba J falls on his back too in exhaustion.

Linzi Martin: Trailer Park Trash! But Bubba J is down as well!

Batman: COVER HIM, BUBBA! COVER HIM NOW!

Bubba J weakly manages to cover Vic Wagner as referee Jimmy Johnson makes the count.

Linzi Martin: Here’s the cover…

One…

Two…

Three…

Batman: He got hi-

Linzi Martin: NO! WAGNER BARELY GETS THE SHOULDER UP!

Bubba breathes heavily, looking over at Wagner in utter disbelief as he pulls himself to his feet. Vic gets to his feet too after a short while. Bubba goes back on the attack, but Vic moves himself out of the way and it sends Bubba right into the corner turnbuckle. Vic grabs Bubba from behind, smashing his head repeatedly against the turnbuckle before taking him up top.

Batman: Bang! Pow! KABLAM It looks like Vic might be taking Bubba up for that Gallows Humour thing he does.

Linzi Martin: Don’t ever make sound effects again, please.

Vic seems to be setting Bubba up but Bubba cracks Vic across the face with a stiff right. Two middle fingers for his trouble! Bubba throws himself off the middle turnbuckle, but as he goes down he grabs Vic by the neck! TRAILER PARK TRASH OFF THE MIDDLE ROPES! Vic bounces up, then hit’s the canvas. Bubba throws himself over Vic one more time.

2!!

3!!!

Linzi Martin: Oh, shit.

DING DING DING

Jenny Jersey: The winner of this match… BUBBA J!

Bubba has no time to celebrate at all, as out from the back comes Legion! Mammon and Piggy are with him, and they don’t look like they’re coming out to congratulate Bubba either.

Batman: By Zeus! This looks like trouble, Linzi!

Linzi Martin: No shit. And, what the fuck is in Legions hand?! Is that a gas canister?!

Legion slides into the ring, Mammon and Piggy with him as Wagner takes this opportune moment to get out of the ring. It took everything out of Bubba to beat Wagner, and it doesn’t help that Piggy wraps a thick chain around Bubbas neck and hoists him up to his knees. Mammon stomps down onto Bubba’s chest and legs as Legion begins pouring gasoline all over Bubba J.

Batman: Gee wilikers Bubba is about to get BBQ’d.

Legion strikes a match as Mammon and Piggy back up, Bubba keels forward choking. But!

Linzi Martin: It’s Vincent Black! Vincent Black to the rescue!!

Vincent comes running from the back and grabs the two ends of the chains and pulls Bubba out of the ring by his noose. He takes the chains off of Bubba and helps him up. Legion shakes his head and scoffs at this as Bubba is helped backstage.

Batman: And Vinny with the rescue!

Linzi Martin: I said that already.

Batman: But I’m Batman.

Linzi Martin: No, you’re not. But we’re out of time folks. God damn if Legion isn’t one scary looking guy. Though… Depending how he looks under that mask, I could see myself as his personal breeder. If you get my meaning.

Batman: Oh my.

Linzi Martin: For uhm, Marvin Humperdink!

Batman: BATMAN!

Linzi Martin: I’m Linzi Martin! See you next week!

We fade out to one last shot of Legion, Piggy and Mammon in the ring as Legion points directly to Bubba J.

*****Electric Bugaloo!*****

Hey, remember that strange thingamajig with that uber sleek package? Turns out it invited itself into the only office you actually have in this bitch which at this moment, seems to be empty. You would’ve totally figured that out if you people actually watch the skits. Duh. After nearly tripping over themselves, they finally notice the cameradouche that’s been following the entire time. The robotic arms shed the trenchcoat.

PuppetLisa: Told you this place was a dump.

Sparkle: Needs a good scrubbing.

Anna Mathews: Ai kinda like it.

If either of the other two actually had movable features, they be making the “WTF?” face. Regardless, the Seldontastic Doppelganger starts to measure the room while mumbling something about “stupid RealLisa” and “selling out as lapdogs”. The Totally Real Title retracts her claws and joins in. Anna pulls out three cakes from the box before sitting them down gingerly on the desks. Triple chocolate, red velvet, and pineapple upside down. Yum.

Anna Mathews: We’re savin ReelLisa’s lyef bi mesuring everything so’s she doesn’t stumble on anny fing.

PuppetLisa: Like you’d ever do that for me.

The human sits on a certain boss-as- leather overlord chair and twirls.

Anna Mathews: Nao dat’s nawt tru. I’d do it in a heartbeat. But Lisa needs the help after the stoopid old Rebel shmucks got 2 her. Dunno wat teh deal is anyhow. She’s their champ!

Sparkle: Perhaps she doesn’t bleed enough for certification.

Her head instashakes at the notion.

Anna Mathews: She could cover hurrself with pigs und they still won’t be happy.

The Puppet withdraws her measuring tape.

PuppetLisa: Twenty smurfs by fifty smurfs. And you don’t have to lie. We know the real reason why you’re here.

Sparkle: You want to nurse your Simon back to health.

The twirling stops as the “not impressed” face starts.

Anna Mathews: Ish not true.

Her sidekicks, knowing better, snicker. They also sing a little song. You know the type. Anna and Simon in a tree! – - – -I-N…is that a brick?

PuppetLisa: OW! Bitch.

Fast cut to the Queen of the Dodos and her mighty brickzooka. She smirks.

Anna Mathews: Joo deserved it.

PuppetLisa: She was singing it too!

Brick to the faceplate.

Sparkle: Ouch! So was he!

The hunter’s head whips towards the cameraman. He innocence. Boom! Brick to the balls. The scene slowly…moves…down with a whimper.

Anna Mathews: Gawd. They don’t make cameramen lyke they used ta.

With that, we fade to the REBEL Pro logo.

*****QUICK RESULTS*****

Bobby Lee defeats Loren N. Chill, thus making Chill the 2^nd Curtain Jerker Champ in history.
Jaice Wilds defeats Virgil Keenan, and both men find themselves with Sexy Time Blues
Bubba J defeats Vicious Vic Wagner in the match of the eon, because fuck Phoenix that’s why.