The Arrival
And You Said REBEL Pro Was Going Under? Fuck You!
We’re backstage at Prove Your Worth! in the dry heat of Phoenix, Arizona. Back in the parking lot, actually, where we see a stretch Lincoln Town Car limousine, black with gold trim, pull up. It seems Simon Kalis and Tamika Nash Strader have spared no expense to bring some high profile individuals into Rebel Pro land tonight. And wouldn’t you know? The fine Tamika Nash Strader is greeting these mystery people or person herself!
Tamika Nash Strader: This oughta be interesting.
The limo stops and the driver pops out, opening the back door as Jethro Hayes and Matthew Engel both step out! OMG!
Tamika Nash Strader: Gentlemen!
Engel and Hayes, both dressed in fine, tailored suits arrive on scene here at Prove Your Worth! It must have been a hell of a night and day for these two, as Jethro was just winning the World Championship in PWA last night. Hayes has both his World and Tag Titles over his shoulders, and Engel has his Tag Title over his left shoulder. They have some bags as well, but Tamika snaps and some RPW staff assists Second 2 None with their luggage and precious titles.
Tamika Nash Strader: Don’t worry, they’ll be in your locker room waiting for you. Your locker room also has anything and everything you need, and if there’s something we missed, please don’t hesitate to let us know.
Engel and Hayes look at each other, and then shrug, handing off their belts and allowing RPW staff to take their luggage.
Tamika Nash Strader: Now if you don’t mind, you two, I’d love for you to join us in Simon’s office where we can get down to business. He’ll be with us in a few minutes, he has… In-ring business to attend to at the moment, but there will be refreshments and entertainment while we wait.
Jethro Hayes: Absolutely, Tamika. And mighty thanks for everything you’ve done for us.
Tamika Nash Strader: It’s our pleasure, Jethro, Matt… and welcome back to Rebel Pro.
Engel and Jethro both nod and begin walking inside with Tamika as we cut back to ringside.
Prove Your Worth! 2012
“Invasion” by Christian Poulet & Jean-Yves Rigo hits and an arch of golden pyros covers the entrance ramp.
Jenny Jersey: INTRODUCING! He is the PRESIDENT of REBEL Pro!
An arch of pyros as Simon Kalis steps forward, pitching a finished cigarette before himself. The crowd is on their feet.
Jenny Jersey: Simon KALIS!!!
Fireworks pop off all along the entrance ramp as Simon Kalis steps forward, and everyone in the arena does a double take. Simon isn’t alone, as at one side of him stands Matt Stone. The other side stands REBEL Pro World Champion Reece Paxton.
Linzi Martin: Wait a second… He’s not wearing a suit. He usually did.
Simon removes his trench coat and chucks it into the crowd, before sliding into the ring.
Jester Jay: No… He’s in his wrestling gear.
Simon Kalis: I’m sure you can all hear me.
Everyone looks at the REBELTron, but then back at Simon.
Simon Kalis: This is another, specially edited audio recording. I don’t quite like others talking for me, and since The Masters deemed it necessary to slash my face and throat this is what we’re left with. Now, please. Allow me a moment. There’s a lot that’s going on tonight, and I figured what better way to start it than with two great guys like Matt and Reece.
In the ring Simon looks to Matt, then to Reece, then to crowd and cracks a smile. He reaches into his pants and pulls out what looks like a 9mm handgun, the crowd gasping.
Linzi Martin: Oh dear God.
Jester Jay: Aw shit I forgot he was black for a second!
Simon walks around the ring, pacing back and forth.
Simon Kalis: Right. This may look like Matt Stone is about to cash in the Number One Contender’s trophy, and claim his shot at Reece Paxton. By rights, he can. But there’s one thing.
Simon quickly aims and fires at Reece Paxton! There’s a moment of shock, but ONLY a split second- instead of bullets some sort of liquid fires from it directly into Reece Paxton’s eyes. Reece grabs his face and falls to his knees as Simon rushes up to him and gun bashes him across the face. Stone cracks a grin, amused by all this.
Simon Kalis: In June of 2011, I won a match in REBEL Pro. That match stipulated I was entitled to a shot at the REBEL Pro World Heavyweight Championship. But then I immediately purchased the company afterwards to save it from bankruptcy, and decided not to continue to compete in REBEL Pro.
Kalis looks around and smiles.
Simon Kalis: I’m cashing MY shot in!
Simon stomps down on Reece Paxton and chucks the fake gun aside and lifts Reece up. He whips Reece Paxton into Matt Stone, C-C-C-C-C-COMBOBREAKER!!!!
Distorted Voice: Assuming direct control.
REBEL Pro World Heavyweight Championship Match
Simon Kalis versus Reece Paxton©
DING DING DING
Stone nods and leaves the ring as Simon walks around the ring, raising his arms triumphantly in the air.
Larry Gordon: So this is his return to REBEL Pro? Like this? The son of a bitch.
Simon leans over the ropes and starts eyeing Larry Gordon. He returns to Reece and Simon continues to lay it in on Reece Paxton who’s still dazed from being seemingly pepper sprayed and hit with the Combobreaker. Simon lifts Reece up off the canvas and hits an implant DDT for good measure. He covers.
1!
2!!
KICK OUT!
Linzi Martin: Screw you Larry. You did this.
Simon gets to his feet, a little pissed, and lifts Paxton up and goes to put him into an abdominal stretch but Reece slips away. Reece wipes his eyes and charges Simon Kalis, he clotheslines Simon Kalis into the turnbuckle and then hits a bull dog as a follow up. Simon stumbles around and Reece locks up with him, NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX! Reece is now on the offensive against the former General, Reece heads up to the top rope. He comes flying off with a top rope elbow drop, landing his elbow HARD into Simon Kalis’ recently healed throat. He covers.
1!
2!!
KICK OUT!
Larry Gordon: How can he do this to his own stablemate? Simon lost some brain cells at Barbed Wire Massacre, and now Reece is going to finish him off.
Matt Stone smacks the canvas, yelling at Simon to get up.
Linzi Martin: I doubt that.
Reece lifts Simon up off the canvas and cracks him across the face by bringing his face down while bringing his own knee up. Simon Kalis drops to his knees and low blows Reece Paxton. Paxton stumbles past Simon as Simon rubs his throat, gasping for air. Simon crawls away and slowly gets to his feet. He rushes to Reece but Reece side steps Simon getting behind Kalis and then reverse DDTing him to the canvas. Simon rolls out of the ring and scoffs, looking around angrily at the now booing crowd. It’s at this point we see Adrian Kalis jump the barricade separating the fans from the action. Reece backs up in the ring but Adrian immediately attacks SIMON! Stone’s eyes widen as Adrian begins stomping down on Simon Kalis. Adrian jumps back and begins stomping his foot, looking at Reece and nodding. Adrian seems to be staring down Matt Stone. Simon Kalis is a mess as Adrian then picks Simon up and throws him into the ring.
Larry Gordon: HAHA! Are we witnessing the implosion of The Order of Chaos!? Title hungry they are, and now they’re ripping each other apart!
Adrian slides in after Simon. He high fives Reece, but Stone slides in to check on Simon. Stone has some words for Adrian, as the two Generals begin exchanging a heated argument. Reece finally unstraps the REBEL Pro World Championship as Matt helps Simon to his feet. Reece lunges forward and cracks the belt over Matt Stone’s face, Stone hits the canvas bleeding. The crowd is going nuts. Simon tries to attack Reece and but fails and Reece cracks him over the head too, busting Simon Kalis open! Stone and Simon down, Reece pulls Simon up and whips him into the ropes. Adrian looks at Stone and smirks. Reece hoists Kalis up on the turnbuckles, COYOTE CUTTER!!! Simon is utterly obliterated, and Reece Paxton covers.
1!
Larry Gordon: The Order of Chaos just split in half, folks. Glorious day!
2!!
Linzi Martin: Poor Simon.
3!!!
NO!!!! ADRIAN RIPS REECE PAXTON OFF OF SIMON KALIS! The crowd BOOS intensely! Reece and Adrian begin to slug it out, Reece lays in some good strong heavy shots into Adrian but Adrian kicks Reece in the gut and spins him around- MASADRIVER!!!
Larry Gordon: Oh hell.
Adrian goes to check on Simon, then to Stone. He helps Matt Stone up and both of them are quite amused with themselves, though Matt wipes the blood off his face and holds up the bloody hand to Adrian who just shrugs. Simon is up and leaning against the turnbuckles. Reece looks around, dazed and confused. Stone and Adrian begin stomping down on him and they lift him up. Simon just smirks as Adrian whips Paxton to the ropes. Adrian lifts Reece high in the air and sets him up for a powerful C-C-C-C-C-COMBOBREAKER from Matt Stone!!!! The crowd boos as Simon Kalis limps over and collapses on Reece. Adrian and Stone sit down on top of Simon and wave for the cameras.
1!
2!!
3!!!
DING DING DING
Larry Gordon: What the hell just happened?!
Adrian hands Simon the REBEL Pro World title, as both Adrian and Matt lift him up.
Jenny Jersey: The winner of this match and NEEEEEEEEEEEEW REBEL Pro World Heavyweight Chamion… SIMON KALIS!!!!!!!
Kalis raises the title high in the air, as Matt Stone and Adrian help him out of the ring. The crowd boos, Reece is left knocked down hard.
Linzi Martin: Wait what’s that mean for tonights main event?! Shiiiiiiiiiiiit is about to hit the fan!
Larry Gordon: I’m gonna be sick.
Simon Kalis, Matt Stone and Adrian Kalis all stand at the entrance ramp. Stone raises the AoWF King O’Extreme and RXW World titles in the air. Simon raises his new REBEL Pro World title, as Adrian raises the AoWF TV title.
Larry Gordon: God help us.
Fireworks go off as The Order of Chaos emblem burns over the REBELTron.
Simon Kalis: Welcome to PROVE YOUR WORTH!
REBEL Pro Aggression Championship Number 1 Contenders Match
Jaice Wilds vs. Umbra vs. Wyn Mangum
Ding Ding
Umbra comes charging in with a big right hook, but Jaice throws a bluetooth earpiece right in his face, catching him off guard and finishes off this weird start with a spinning heel kick right to his face. Umbra falls back right into a German suplex from Wyn Mangum, who seems surprised to have known what to do. Wyn rolls up to her feet, but Jaice is right there kneeing her right in the damn face and sending her out of the ring. Umbra rolls up to his feet, but Jaice is there to pour a series of punches and kicks to Umbra that backs him up in a corner. Jaice is wearing him out with right after left, after right after left; not to mention alternating it with kicks as well. Jaice looks like a whirlwind as he is trying to wear Umbra down and get a win before Wyn can get back in the ring. On the outside of the ring, Wyn pulls herself up and has a chair in her hand as though it appeared by magic; she shrugs before rolling in silently as though she knows by instinct what to do. Jaice is still beating the shit out of Umbra in the corner when…
CRACK!
Linzi Martin: What a shot from Wyn Mangum there!
Larry Gordon: Jaice’s head slams forward headbutting Umbra with quite a bit of force.
Jaice, seemingly out of instinct to defend himself, turns around slowly. Wyn, looking at the chair as though shocked that it moved on its own accord, nails Jaice right in the face with it this time. Jaice slumps back and Wyn is going to town on Jaice with repeated chair shots, looking shocked at each time she swings the chair down to meet Jaice’s face.
Linzi Martin: She looks like she is not in control of herself.
Larry Gordon: Like she is shocked that she instinctively knows what to do.
Jaice crumples down to the canvas and the chair continues to nail a head, but this time its Umbra’s face instead and his forehead is busted open, blood pouring down his face in a crimson mask. Somehow Jaice manages to get a foot up, nailing Wyn right in the crotch, causing her to drop the chair and howl in pain fron the blow. Wyn falls back.
Larry Gordon: That’ll stop her.
Linzi Martin: It’d stop you too.
Jaice pulls himself up , shaking his head and causing the blood on the back of his skull to fall down his back. Wyn is holding herself and doing her best not to cry; she had no idea wrestling was going to be this violent. Jaice pulls her up, but Umbra rolls him up from behind, Wyn falls down still holding herself, and Jaice is pinned to the canvas.
One!
Two!
Thr…
Jaice counters with a reversal!
One!
Wyn looks confused as what to do, besides she’s still holding herself in pain.
Two!
Wyn manages to throw herself on them and break the initial pin. Jaice shoves Wyn and keeps the pin, but Wyn, still in pain, is over Umbra as well. The referee makes the count anyways!
1!
2!!
3!!!
Ding Ding
Jenny Jersey: Winner of the match and NEEEEW Rebel Pro Aggression Number One Contender… Jaice Wilds and Wyn Mangum!
Linzi Martin: What a quick, but yet violent match.
Larry Gordon: And what utter confusion. So there’s TWO number one contenders?! Simon Kalis’ math is terrible.
Culling Wolves & Coyotes
We fade into the office of Simon Kalis. He’s finished getting stitched up, and the crowd boos. He taps the REBEL Pro World Championship over his shoulder and smirks. Jeremy Gold is sitting across from him, and Simon pushes forward a piece of paper. Gold clears his throat.
Jeremy Gold: Uh.. REBEL Pro needs its Champions to be of merit. It needs its Champions to fulfill their contractual obligations. Reece Paxton failed to do this, and he suffered the consequences. But there is one other who has failed to live up to the obligations he made with this company.
Kalis nods, pushing Jeremy to continue.
Jeremy Gold: Thunderwolf was given ample time to find a new tag team partner following the Fall From Grace of Jeffery Drake. And while REBEL Pro was honoured to have two communal figureheads like Drake and Wolf representing our tag team division, sadly this division has grown stagnant only months following the hugely successful RP3T tournament. Therefore, it is my prerogative as President of REBEL Pro to strip Thunderwolf of all claim to the REBEL Pro World Tag Team Championships.
Kalis shakes his head, almost sorry. Almost. The crowd boos.
Jeremy Gold: Furthermore, it is then in the best interest of REBEL Pro that this matter be settled effective immediately. And so I arranged for two teams to come to Phoenix tonight, to compete for these Championships. Ladies and gentlemen, we proudly give you…
Stolen Hearts
Consider the Spotlight… Stolen
We come in with Matt Stone sitting in front of his laptop, he’s in a living room setting, sitting alone. He’s wearing his shut me up shirt that we can see.
Matt: “Well Rebel Pro fans, you’re in for a real treat this Monday at Prove Your Worth, for everything that’s advertised, there’s one match happening that you don’t even know about featuring your truly, Justin Case.”
Matt chuckles and shakes his head.
Matt: “No, I wouldn’t do that to you, I am of course Matt Stone and my partner this week will be…”
Stone hits a button on his laptop and the image of whom he is talking to appears. The image on the laptop comes to life and we see Matt’s girlfriend, former REBEL Aggression and Tag Champ Emily Corlen come into view. Her attention is on a small hand mirror, as she casually makes kissy faces into it, clearly amusing herself. It’s entirely likely she doesn’t even know the camera is rolling.
Matt: “Emily Corlen, who is so focused on this match she feels she has time to waste making out with herself. That’s kinda hot. Hey Em, over here!”
Emily turns her attention to the camera.
Emily: “Oh, uh… are we rolling?”
She blushes a little as she quickly tosses the hand mirror away.
Emily: “Right then. Hello, REBEL Pro Trailerparkverse! My name is Emily Corlen. You might remember me from such classics as ‘that time I sprayed Simon Kalis in his eye socket with pepper spray’, or ‘that time I ended Legion’s career’ or my personal favorite, ‘the night I kicked the entire RPW roster’s ass in a battle royal simply because I could’! Well, I have excellent news for you all… I’m baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!”
She smiles innocently into the camera. We shift back to Matt now who has a confident smirk almost plastered on his face at this point.
Matt: “And the last time you guys saw me I was winning the Number One’s Contender’s Trophy and I know what you’re thinking, with a 4 person buried alive match for the Rebel Pro World title, this would be the perfect time to use my right as the NoC to challenge the winner immediately, but you see, what does that really prove? We already know I’m smarter than everyone in Rebel Pro, so for me to do that would be like beating a dead horse. I don’t need to do that, and in fact the World title is not why I’m recording this video. When I cash in my NoC, you will all know it.
Something you may not know is that as of Fall From Grace, you have been without tag team champions. Due to some contractual situation that I never cared enough to look into, the tag team titles have been vacated ever since. As my darling girlfriend pointed out earlier in the week, I am a whore for championships and when I heard that the tag titles were vacated, I immediately looked into getting a shot.”
Emily laughs, interrupting Matt’s train of thought.
Emily: “And of course, when my dear paramour says he looked into getting a shot, what he means to say is, his GIRLFRIEND, a former two-time REBEL Pro Tag Team Champion, used some of the considerable pull she has in order to secure our team a shot at becoming the new Tag Team Champions. You see, I still had a shot at the REBEL Tag belts banked from when Justin Case and I lost the titles during the RP3T Tournament. As our team broke up, we were allowed to select new partners. As you can see, I wasted no time in allying myself with the second hottest star in the entire AoWF.”
She smirks.
Emily: “Needless to say, our Championship victory is already assured.”
Cut to Stone.
Matt: “So we’ll be facing Hell and High Water, the team of Lucious Starr and Joshua Danielson. Last time I faced this team was right here in Rebel Pro where the former Order members Cowgirls From Hell defeated Hell and High Water while myself and Marvin Wood just sort of watched. Not something I’m proud of, but H and H lost us that match. Had it have been a regular tag match, we would have won and advanced to the finals of the RP3T tournament, but that’s old news, you all know that already. What some of you may have missed was that on my way to the King of Extreme Championship I defeated Lucious Starr. He gave me everything he had, but it just wasn’t good enough. Story of his life, I’d say.”
Stone smirks as we go back to Emily.
Emily: “Careful, sweetie. Bragging about beating Lucious Starr? People are going to start calling you Scott Nash Strader.”
She chuckles.
Emily: “In all seriousness, really, REBEL Pro Wrestling? That’s the BEST team you can come up with? Lucious Starr and Joshua Freaking Danielson? What’s the matter, are the Freak Show busy at some ICP rally this weekend? I mean, I’m not going to complain. I enjoy free Championships as much as the next person. But Matt and I were going to win this match no matter WHO you put us up against. The least you could have done was try to find a team that could have potentially posed SOME sort of threat at least on paper. I mean… Lucious could fight himself in a match and still find a way to lose twice. And Danielson hasn’t been relevant since… well, EVER. I’m just sayin’.”
Matt: “That’s not entirely true dear, Danielson was somewhat relevant in 2010 when he had the television title…but then someone beat him for it and he hasn’t done anything since. I’m struggling to remember who initially took that belt off him…do you remember, hun?”
Emily: “I don’t actually know off the top of my head, but I’d bet a large sum of money that it was you!”
Emily chuckles. We go back to Stone.
Matt: “You’d win that bet. Joshua was getting all confident and rather than trading in that TV title for a shot at the World Champion, he wanted to keep defending it and I gave him a quick lesson in strategy when I put him I beat him and took that title for the second time in my career. That`s really all I have about Danielson…do you have anything else?”
Emily shakes her head.
Emily: “I wish I did, but Danielson has a habit of not sticking around long enough to ever do anything worth noting. He signed a contract with BWF back when the company relaunched last year. I remember seeing him backstage once or twice. But, just like when he returns to PWA, he was there for maybe two, three shows before flaking out. I mean, how bad do you have to be to be the weak link of a team that also features Lucy Starr? I mean… fucking Christ, that’s just terrible.”
Matt laughs.
Matt: “Then I guess it’s on to the main course, or at least as much of a main course as Lucious Starr can be. He calls himself the AoWF’s most wanted, but really, no one wants him anywhere. Take RXW for example. First thing he does is say he wants to walk out because he can’t cut it, then he challenges me to a match. I mean, seriously kid? I had just beat you on Rampage but because this is RXW, you think you deserve a World title match? Wade Mason isn’t in charge in RXW, the booking isn’t THAT bad. Rather than stay and fight when Emily offered the winner of your match a shot at me, you just threw your hands in the air and gave up. Didn’t record a promo, didn’t write a blog, you did nothing, just like the rest of your career.”
Emily: “That’s the only reason Lucious even came to what was then TGW in the first place. He can’t cut it in PWA, not without Simon or somebody else to fight his battles for him, and he thought TGW would be some easy Championships for him to win that he could fall back on. That failed miserably when he was unable to beat me for the TGW World Championship, which of course then prompted him to publically attempt to devalue both myself and the Championship out of sheer spite. This is how Lucious operates, it’s his M.O. I made him tap out last year in a triple threat match in PWA. To this day, he claims that he “didn’t try that week” and that he simply let me win. In his mind, he thinks that makes his loss to me okay. But the way I see it? It paints him for what he really is – a no talent hack. Hey Lucy, you want to be taken seriously? You have to bust your ass ALL THE TIME, moron. Not just when you feel like it. As a result, there isn’t a damn person in this or any other company who takes you seriously, which is exactly as it should be, you no talent, sad sack piece of shit loser. Do the world a favor and KILL yourself.”
Emily glares into the webcam. She REALLY does not like Lucious Starr. Matt supresses laughter, being highly amused by all the Lucy hate.
Matt: “Now I know how Starr works, so I’m pretty sure he’s going to bring up things like how he was in the Order of Chaos before either one of us were, how he and Joshua have been teaming for years while you and I Em have never teamed, or even the ever so desperate excuse of ‘we’ve never faced him in a Rebel Pro ring’. None of these points hold any water whatsoever. I have single-handedly done more for the Order in the month of May than he ever did. While Emily and I have never teamed in the ring before, I can assure you gentlemen that her and I have way more chemistry than you could ever have. Her and I aren`t even in the same country right now and I can tell you what she`s thinking as easily as she can tell me what I`m thinking. Working together won`t be an issue for us. As for Rebel Pro? Both Emily and myself have had more success in Rebel Pro than either of you have and we’re just getting started. You two haven’t begun to see the best her and I are capable of, and fellows, that should scare you.”
Emily smirks.
Emily: “I can’t argue with that. Although I’m sure it’s highly likely that the two of them are having just as much sex with each other as we are, Matt.”
She winks into the webcam. Stone shudders.
Matt: “I did not need that image in my head at all. Gives new meaning to Starr’s “I claim your soul”. He must have picked that move up from the Catholic church”
Emily: “Do you think that Josh was Lucy’s Accountabili-buddy?”
She chuckles at her own joke.
Emily: “You know, back on topic… what can be said about Hell and High Water? They’ve had one major victory in their entire tenure as a team, against a still-injured Chamelion and a rusty Raizzor last year, and as soon as they were put against a team that was marginally better than the Dragons, Hell and High Water folded like a collapsible lung and did what both men have done best their entire careers; they rolled over and died. This Monday night, at Prove Your Worth, that’s all they’re gonna be good for again. On the plus side, boys, you get to be front row center for the emergence of 2012′s Tag Team of the Year in the AoWF… Matt Stone and Emily Corlen. Believe it.”
We cut back to Stone.
Matt: “So feel honored Rebelites, you will once again have Matt Stone and Emily Corlen in your company. We will represent you as Tag Team Champions, We will be making a statement to the entire AoWF that we are here to make an impact, to dominate everyone and that no two people can shut us up, especially a team consisting of two failures such as Lucious Starr and Joshua Danielson. See you Monday.”
One final smirk from Stone and the camera cuts out.
Hell & High Water
We fade back to Simons office, and he seems to be heavily entrenched in a game of Skyrim- playing the new Dawnguard DLC, available now for an exclusive time only on the Xbox 360! Gold, however, has the next statement ready.
Jeremy Gold: Hell & High Water were asked to film a promotional video to be aired with Stolen Hearts before their match. They failed in this obligation, and so we’ve decided that this would be more entertaining than watching Lucious Starr and Joshua Danielson talk anyways. Enjoy!
REBEL Pro World Tag Team Championship Match
Stolen Hearts versus Hell & High Water
With both teams making it to the ring, Matt Stone and Joshua Danielson start the match out. They lock up, Stone getting the upper hand with a hammer lock, Danielson countering with a drop toe told, floating over with a side headlock. Matt started to get to his feet, pushing Danielson off at the ropes, rebounding back as Stone catches him with a high heel kick. Danielson goes down and Stone gets to his feet first, a smirk on his face. Joshua starts getting up as well, Matt grabs a hold of his waist and lifts him up in the air, driving him down with a German Suplex. Matt gets to his feet, Danielson in a seated position, Matt runs and jumps over his head, connecting with a neck snap. Danielson’s head snaps forward, then he lays flat on his back. Stone grabs his legs and starts looking for the Wrath of Khan, but Joshua is able to push him back with a kick. Stone heads over and tags in Emily, Danielson crawls over and tags in Starr.
Emily comes in the ring as does Starr, who seems quite keen on showing everyone he’s a true star. He charges at Emily and catches her by surprise, knocking her down with a clothesline. Starr stays on the attack, sending kicks at Emily. Stone seems bored at ringside and gets off the apron, going over and sitting with the commentary team, leaving Emily alone to continue fighting off Starr. Fortunately for her, she is able to catch Starr with a thumb in the eye, forcing him back. Emily then gets to her feet and grabs Starr by the throat, picking him up with both hands and slamming him down to the mat, successfully hitting him with her Seventh Heaven. Emily goes for the cover, but only gets a two count.
Corlen stays on the attack, picking Starr up by the hair and backing him into her now empty corner. She glares at Stone, who isn’t paying attention before she drives her shoulder into Starr’s midsection three times. Emily then sits Starr up on the turnbuckle and climbs up with him. She hooks his head and tries to flip him with a superplex, but Starr holds on. Emily tries again, however Lucious once again has the counter. Starr then pushes Emily off the ropes, causing her to land on her back and he quickly follows her, flipping in the air and landing on top of her with a Senton bomb. Rather than go for a cover though, he rolls across and tags in Joshua.
Joshua got in the ring and quickly ran over, hitting a snap leg drop on Emily. Danielson then immediately went for a cover and got a two count before Emily, rather forcibly, kicked out. Corlen fought to her feet as Danielson went for a few hard right hands. Joshua then hit the ropes and came back with a dropkick to Emily’s head. Corlen started getting up, dazed. Danielson spring boarded off the middle rope and hit Emily with a cross body, hooking both her legs for the pin, Emily was forced down, but managed to kick out after the two count. Stone got up from the commentary booth with a chair in hand just as Josh tried to whip Emily into the ropes, but Corlen reversed the whip and as Joshua hit the ropes, he was caught in the back by a hard steel chair shot from Stone! Joshua stumbled forward and Emily picked him up, spinning him around and driving him into the mat with the Spiral Twister.
Emily got to her feet, staggering back a bit, weakened from the two on one she had been facing and Stone tagged himself in by smacking her back. Emily glared back, but with the referee telling her to get out, she reluctantly did. Stone gets in and sees Lucious starting to get in as well, Stone dashes over and hits him with the C-c-c-c-combo Breaker! Starr collapsed outside the ring as Joshua started to get up. Matt dashed at him and kicked him square n the temple! After Stone Bequeathed a Boot to the Head, he went for the cover on Danielson and got the 1 2 3! The bell sounded and the referee got in and handed the Tag titles to each Matt and Emily, who had gotten back in the ring, Stone smirked and offered his hand to his partner, who returned his smile and shook his hand, pulling him in for a hug…or, more accurately, a Spiral Twister! Stone was laid out in the ring, Emily draping his body with one of the Rebel Pro Tag belts and shook her head, walking out of the ring, holding up her tag title as she went. The referee checked on Stone, who was still flat on his back.
Winners: Stolen Hearts at 13:42
Encore! Encore! Encore!
Corlen is stopped dead in her tracks, and the crowd in Phoenix explodes!
Larry Gordon: Well. Well. Well.
Second 2 None steps out, and Matthew Engel and Jethro Hayes receive a standing ovation. Stone is still out of it in the ring, and Corlen watches them both carefully for any sudden movements. Jethro stands behind Engel, and raises his PWA World Heavyweight Championship up in one hand and his half of the PWA World Tag Team Championships in the other.
Linzi Martin: Second 2 None has officially arrived to REBEL Pro.
Matthew Engel stands, his half of the PWA World Tag Team Championships around his waist. He begins a golf clap, Jethro Hayes drapes his titles over his broad shoulders and begins a golf clap of his own. Corlen nods, she says something but we can’t hear her. Engel then holds up a stack of papers which are stapled together. The camera zooms in to reveal these papers to be a REBEL Pro contract.
Jester Jay: Shit just got real.
Second 2 None golf clap for a few moments longer, and with a smirk, Jethro Hayes and Matthew Engel exit. This simple action, speaking louder than any words could have.
AoWF Television Championship Match
Xan Vaxman versus Adrian Kalis©
DING DING
Jenny Jersey: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and will be for the Alliance of Wrestling Federations Television Championship! Introducing first, representing REBEL Pro!
A Mash-Up of The Beatles’ “Eleanor Rigby” and Green Day’s “Brain Stew” hits and the crowd begins to cheer as Xan Vaxman appears at the entrance ramp.
Jenny Jersey: Standing in at 6 feet tall, and weighing in tonight at 222 pounds…
Vaxman begins walking down the ramp to the adulation of the crowd, a number of “NSFW” signs can be seen in the crowd.
Jenny Jersey: He hails from Mexico City, Mexico by way of Ottawa, Ontario Canada…
Vaxman enters the ring and raises his arms, the crowd snapping as many pictures as they can.
Jenny Jersey: He is… XAN VAXMAN!!!!!!
Vaxman looks smug, and accepts the warmth and love of the fans graciously.
Jenny Jersey: And, his opponent! Representing the Pioneer Wrestling Association!
“Time To Kill” by Gold and Youth hits, the arena lights dim and red and white strobelights pan the crowd.
Jenny Jersey: He is the reigning AoWF Television Champion!
The crowd boos, the crowd cheers- a bit of a mixed reaction. Adrian steps out, and there are two red lights that flank his left and right sides. The white spotlight shines directly with him in the center.
Jenny Jersey: The GENERAL of The Order of Chaos!
Adrian looks up, the black velvet scarf hangs over his left shoulder. The silver head ornamental head piece keeps the black mask all in place, covering the entirety of his face except his eyes. He wears a tight sleeveless black top, to go with tight black spandex and black boots that accentuates his further toned and muscular figure. Five skulls adorn his right shoulder, five stars adorn the left- and the Order of Chaos emblem is visible over his heart. He points up at the REBELTron, which is flanked by either side by massive Order of Chaos flags.
Jenny Jersey: Standing in at 6’1, weighing in at 225 pounds…
Adrian begins making his way to the ring, sombre, each step seemingly methodically plotted as he stares a hole through Vaxman.
Jenny Jersey: Hailing from Montreal, Quebec Canada!
Adrian circles the ring but then climbs up onto the apron, and holds up the AoWF Television Championship.
Jenny Jersey: He is… ADRIAN KALIS!!!!
Adrian gets into the ring and hands off the belt to the referee for the match. The championship is raised by the ref in the middle of the ring, as each of the men take their positions at opposite corners.
Linzi Martin: There’s an intensity in his eyes.
Jester Jay: Yeah, but look at Vaxman- he realizes what’s at stake.
DING DING DING
Adrian immediately rushes forward, Vaxman comes forward as well but not as fast. Adrian quickly goes full stop before reaching Vaxman and unleashes a wicked trust kick, his shins connecting on Vaxmans right thigh. Adrian follows it up with another thrust kick, angling it into Vaxmans left thigh now to weaken them. Adrian quickly rushes forward now, literally climbing up onto Vaxman and bringing both of is knees up into Vaxmans face, sending both men crashing to the canvas. Adrian quickly gets back to his feet, but so does Vaxman. Adrian enters a Muay Thai kickboxing fighting stance and his eyes beg Vaxman to come for him. Vaxman encroaches, attempting a grapple but Adrian dances away and sways back and forth, seemingly taunting Vaxman.
Linzi Martin: He doesn’t want to tangle with Vaxman as a wrestler does he? If Adrian can keep this to striking, he will overcome Xan.
Jester Jay: Yeah but if he has to go armbar for waistlock with Vaxman, this could be a different story.
Adrian lashes out with more thrust kicks, but Vaxman skillfully dekes away from each strike. Adrian with another, but again Vaxman is timing his movement well to avoid further damage. Adrian senses it’s a futile effort, and so bounces himself off the ropes and goes for a clothesline but instead gets caught into an armtrap neckbreaker! Vaxman is quick to capitalize now, with Adrian down Vaxman locks on a sleeper hold to the young General. Adrian kicks his right leg up and down over the canvas and tries blindly reaching behind himself to grab hold of Vaxmans hair. Instead he begins raking Vaxman in the eyes, but Vaxman turns his face away and shuts his eyes whilst clenching the sleeper hold tighter onto Adrian. Adrian grabs Vaxmans arm that’s around his neck with both his hands and begins trying to rip himself free.
Linzi Martin: And who says REBEL Pro can’t put on a good wrestling match?
Jester Jay: Everyone. I believe everyone says so, Linzi.
Adrian’s eyes begin fluttering. But then he pushes back with all his weight, putting Vaxman beneath him. Vaxman attempts to wrap his legs around Kalis’ waist to completely lock him in but Adrian swats them away, instead arching his back and pinning Vaxmans shoulders to the canvas.
1!
TW-KICK OUT!
Vaxman is forced to break the hold and roll away, giving Adrian ample time to roll out of the ring and catch his breath. Adrian circles as Vaxman gets to his feet. Adrian hops up onto the ring apron and Vaxman rushes towards him. The men lock horns and begin a power struggle, Vaxman tries to suplex Adrian back into the ring but Adrian flips over instead getting to his feet. Adrian blindly spins and lays a huge angle kick into the side of Vaxmans head, sending Vaxman to the canvas. Adrian hits an asai moonsault, but Vaxman lifts his knees to his chest and Adrian pays the price for trying. Vaxman is up, and he now lifts Adrian up by the head. He tries to rip Adrian’s mask off! The crowd goes nuts, but Adrian fights back and headbutts Vaxman. Vaxman stumbles back into the ropes, and Adrian taps the sharp pointed end to the silver head piece and headbutts Vaxman a second time. Vaxman stumbles forward and Adrian grabs him by the neck and headbutts him again, this time- Vaxman begins to bleed.
Linzi Martin: God damn. That was insulting.
Jester Jay: Why?
Vaxman goes back to the ropes, seemingly groggy from the headbutts. Adrian lifts his arms into the air, and yells out at the crowd.
Linzi Martin: Clearly, you’re a moron. But Vaxman is a luchadore, he understands that culture of wrestling having been in it. You take the mask off an opponent, that’s huge.
Jester Jay: Why? We know what Adrian looks like.
Vaxman hits a springboard back elbow right at Adrian, knocking both men down to the canvas!
Linzi Martin: You’re an idiot.
Jester Jay: Whatever. I don’t see the big deal, weirdos. Now both Adrian and The Phoenix look like they belong in a video game together.
Vaxman heads to the top rope as Adrian regains his composure, but Adrian doesn’t even get the chance to get to his feet as Vaxman jumps off and hits a flying kneedrop right into Adrian’s chest. Adrian reels, clutching his chest as Vaxman then lifts his legs up, wraps them up and drops right into a figure four leg lock. Adrian winces in pain, punching at Vaxman as he tries to escape but it’s to no avail. Vaxman has it locked in tight. Vaxman continues to wrench the hold in tight. Adrian looks ready to tap.
Linzi Martin: SHIT! Is he gonna tap out?!
Jester Jay: Oh no, a Kalis losing a title. We’ll be set for another god damn war in no time.
Adrian seems ready to tap but he instead uses the last bit of strength he has left to reverse the figure four leg lock by rolling onto his stomach. Vaxman strains and is completely caught off guard, as Adrian keeps the hold in as best he can. But Adrian gets out of the quagmire. Adrian’s up, Vaxman is on his knees. Vaxman with a DICK PUNCH on Adrian. Adrian squeels, falls to the canvas and gets covered.
1!
2!!
TH-KICK OUT!
Adrian kicks out and rolls away. Vaxman is up and grapples Adrian and rolls him up into a pin again!!!
1!
2!!
3!!!
NO! ADRIAN REVERSES!
1!
2!!
3!!!
NO!!! VAXMAN REVERSES THE REVERSAL!
But before we can get even to a count of 1 both men break out of the back and forth roll up.
Linzi Martin: Way too close of a call there.
Jester Jay: Vaxman won! PHOENIX SCREWJOB!
Adrian pulls himself up, as does Vaxman. Adrian with a thrust kick, Vaxman dodges it but is unprepared for Adrian to already be unleashing a second one with his other leg, spinning in the air and cracking Vaxman over the head. Vaxman stumbles around and Adrian hits his trademark spinning kamikaze, Order & Chaos! Adrian covers!
1!
2!!
THR-NO!!! VAXMAN FUCKING KICKS OUT! Adrian gets up frustrated. He argues with the referee, and this gives Vaxman the time he needs to recover. Vaxman grabs hold of Adrian, LOBOTOMY DROP!!! The crowd goes NUTS!!! Vaxman falls, but he holds his face for a moment as the effects of the spinning kamikaze are being felt. Finally he covers.
1!
2!!
3!!!
Linzi Martin: !!!
The referee holds up two, saying the third count didn’t register. Vaxman can’t believe it.
Jester Jay: Wait, wait. No. This is over.
Adrian rolls onto his stomach, breathing heavily.
INSTANT REPLY BROUGHT TO YOU BY COCA COLA: The referee’s hand is shown going down for the 1. Then the 2. The cameras in the arena flash but just as he hits the three, Adrian’s shoulder is up.
Linzi Martin: Those few seconds Vaxman wasted not pinning Adrian might’ve just cost him.
Adrian low blows Vaxman from behind and quickly gets to his feet. MASADRIVER! MASADRIVER ON VAXMAN! Adrian is groggy from the lobotomy drop and pukes in the ring as he falls onto Vaxman!
1!
2!!
3!!!
KICK OUT!
NO!!! IT WAS TOO LATE!!!
DING DING DING
Maya Kalis: The winner of this match, my apparently drunk or concussed brother… ADRIAN KALIS!!!
Maya cheers as Adrian gets to his feet and wipes his mouth, rubbing his head. Vaxman sighs, but perhaps he’s also thankful Adrian didn’t puke on him. Adrian is handed the AoWF TV title but wobbles around in the ring before collapsing to his knees. Vaxman sits up and looks around. The referee checks on Adrian, but he then makes an “X” with his arms. The crowd stands up to watch, Maya now runs into the ring to check on her brother. Vaxman’s eyes widen but he plays it off, rolling out of the ring. Adrian gets to his feet though and the crowd cheers that he’s okay. He nods his head as EMT’s check him out, insisting he’s fine.
Jester Jay: What a drunk.
Linzi Martin: Or Vaxman just gave him a concussion?
Jester Jay: Drunk.
Adrian waves and shows he’s alright, if a little woozy from the drop.
Phoenix Just Got Nasty
“Whatever You Became” by Cold begins to play as the fans rise to their feet. Mark McNasty walks out from the back, Aggression title around his waist. McNasty has a huge smile on his face as he strolls to the edge of the stage, and pulls off the blue tinted sun glasses he has on. He takes a second to listen to the fans cheer, before the music tunes out and he speaks.
McNasty: HELLO MY NASTYNITES!
Andddd we’re back to fans cheering.
McNasty: As you have all heard by now, I will not be defending my Rebel Pro Aggression title tonight.
Some audible boos of disappointment.
McNasty: I know, I know. I hate to deprive you; believe me. But, I have a little bit of a consolation prize for you.
McNasty smirks as he paces back and forth two times.
McNasty: See, I have here in my possession, something quite interesting. I have something no other AOWF superstar has.
McNasty slightly pushes the Aggression title forward, and pulls a piece of paper out. He whips it open and slaps it once.
McNasty: I have an open shot at the King of Extreme title.
Slight pop from the fans.
McNasty: Now, thanks to the open nature of this title shot, I could take it anywhere I want. Hell, if Robinson was still running PWA, I’d probably be tempted to pop my head back in. However…after a lot of thought…Rebel Pro has been good to me, and in TWO WEEKS, on the July 23rd Aggression, I will represent REBEL PRO as I fight Matt Stone for the AOWF KING OF EXTREME TITLE!
The entire arena is going nuts.
McNasty: So Stone, mark your calendars. In two things, things get NASTY!
“Whatever You Became” begins to play again. The fans continue their cheers as McNasty faux salutes with two fingers, and walks to the back.
I Got That Bitch Confetti
Bitches Love Confetti
Everywhere we go, bitches always know that it’s not truly a Rebel Pro pay-per-view without puppets. This is no exception. This time, our setting is the offices of…we think it’s Tamika’s. But honestly, the management in this place has jumped off of so many people like a goddamn flea hops off of dogs. But that doesn’t matter because I’m holding the camera and dumbass Anna is sitting in the chair. Her feet’s all perched on the top of the desk. She doesn’t say anything. She just opens up a filing cabinet, snags a file, and shreds each paper with the paper shredder. Then that stupid bitch PuppetLiza wanders in.
PuppetLisa: Anna, whatcha doing?
Dodo Queen, Adorable Retard, Scapegoat, Flawed Charm, whatever smiles. It’s not her trademark cutesy smile or the replica cocky grin. It’s lazy, just like her.
Anna Mathews: Shreddin’ paperz.
If the magicunt’s expecting anything different, she’s wrong. Ask her why, jackass!
PuppetLiza: Why, jackass?
Ha! I knew I’d get you eventually.
PuppetLiza: *sob!* So mean!
Anna Mathews: Eye dooin et ‘cuz wii need confetti four after I win.
She says it so nonchalantly. Oh-em-gee. I wonder why. She’s facing a redneck from Rape-My-Own-Mother, Georgia, some lucky piss-poor hippie than can’t even tie his own bootlaces, and Virgil Keenan. This is a cakewalk. A pushover. Why not just give her the belt now?
PuppetLiza: Because everybody deserves a chance…
Bullshit. I’ve been “dead” for a while. I’ve been a god. I have seen what’s been going on. All the actual full blown talent everywhere in the AoWF is either retired or semi-retied or have to heal up from some stupid frisbee injury. The only person that deserves a chance are the ones who are willing to kill for it. And since the usual sharks in the water have left, an opportunist will have to rise to the occasion. Let me turn the camera around and give you all a look at my beady little eyes. That way, you know I’m sincere when I say…
PuppetLisa:…that the vast majority of you are worthless. Thus you have nothing to prove and nothing to lose. Go die in a fire already.
The camera drops. PuppetLisa walks away with PuppetLiza in shock. And Anna? She just keeps shredding important junk.
Everyone Sucks But Me FINALS
Xan Vaxman versus Virgil Keenan
DING DING DING
Both men move to the center of the ring. Keenan smirks and took a step back before raising his hand for a test of strength. Xan accepts it and locks up in a knuckle lock with the Luchadore Mask Boy. Virgil is the one to initiate the test by pushing El Gringo toward the barbed wire. Xan manages to stop the voyage with about only a foot away from the barbed wire to spare. Xan decided to push back, Virgil able to stop it just before touching the wire. Finally, Keenan begins to push back full force. Xan stops the advance by placing his right foot on the bottom wire. Xan throws off the hold. The two men stare down.
Linzi Martin: I’m so glad Tamika made this a barbwire match!
Jester Jay: Blood equals ratings, by.
Linzi Martin: I’m not a boy. Stop talking newfie.
Both men lock up in a collar and elbow tie up, but Xan breaks out of it and slips behind Virgil, taking him to the mat with a drop toe hold. Xan quickly goes to weaken his opponent by applying a grounded front face lock. Virgil shoots up to a kneeling position but collapses to the mat as Xan applies more pressure to the hold. Virgil goes for a different approach by grabbing the arm of Vaxman and twisting his way out with an arm wringer. Both men roll to their feet, Xan tries to draw first blood by charging forth and attempting to whip Keenan into the wire. But Virgil counters with a short arm lariat! Xan falls to the mat from the impact of Virgil’s forearm . Virgil quickly goes for the cover.
1…
… KICKOUT
Linzi Martin: Virgil better remember he has another match tonight, same as Xan!
Jester Jay: Hopefully Anna buries him tonight. Or Bubba. Or Reece. Whoever! Just somebody bury that by.
Obviously, it would take a whole lot more than that to keep good Xan down. Out of frustration, Keenan drops an elbow across the throat of Vaxman. Pulling Xan by the hair, Keenan pulls him to a sitting position and slips behind. Keenan grabs a hold of Vaxman’s arm and with his free arm begins to rain down elbows across where the left shoulder and neck meet. The elbows rained in rapid secession, Virgil was aiming for that neck.
Linzi Martin: Relentless assault from Virgil Keenan.
Virgil finally ceases the assault, letting Vaxman drop to the mat. Keenan initially wanted to go for the pin, but decides against it by pulling his opponent back to his feet. In a raged bull rush, Xan pushed Keenan right into the northern row of barbed wire, the follow through of the push caused the bottom wire to snap and cling to the left leg of Keenan’ tights. Keenan reverses the situation, causing the wire to wrap around the both of them. This back and forth pushing continues until they make it the ring post and manage to become untangled. The bottom wire completely comes off from the ring post and lies in the ring. Seeing this, Xan performs a drop toe hold on Keenan into the wire. But Keenan managed to stop his fall by grabbing it with his bare hands. Tough prick eh? While Virgil was avoiding a barbed wire issue, Xan decides to make a whole new one by grabbing the piece of loose wire and doubling it over. Once Virgil turns around, Xan wields the weapon like a whip and brings it down upon Virgil’s chest.
Linzi Martin: Vaxman wants to win badly. Not sure I wanna face the winner of tonights main event however.
Jester Jay: Everyone loves a little necrophilia, by.
Virgil staggers back, getting away from Xan and his weapon. Keenan goes face to face once more with Xan and momentarily distracts him with a rake to the eyes. Virgil slips behind him and lifts him up. Virgil takes a few steps forward and gets Vaxman hung on the barbed wire. Vaxman gasps, seeing as his family jewels were laying right across the barbed wire. Virgil finds the loose bit of barbed wire on the mat and begins to wrap it around his heavily taped wrist and hand. Apparently, he had an idea to really open up his opponent. Virgil goes to the ring post nearest Xan and climbs the barbed wire. He leaps off and extends his arm with the barbed wire gauntlet, he drives the arm into the chest of the hurting Vaxman with flying clothesline from hell.
Linzi Martin: Rebel Pro fans are getting their money worth tonight!”
Jester Jay: Glad they let me out here for this one, by.
He slumps onto the mat and lays there for a few moments and Virgil quickly tries to capitalize with a pin.
1…
2…
Kickout!
Virgil grabs a handful of Xan’s hair and picks him up to his feet. He backhands Xan hard with the barbed-wire gauntlet! Xan falls but quickly rolls under the bottom rope and out of the ring, Xan tries to catch his breath but Virgil comes over top with a frgsplash!!!
Linzi Martin: Vaxman must not like that.
Jester Jay: He’ll beat that puppet genocider , by.
Linzi Martin: Genocider? That’s not even a word!
The men men lay outside in a huge pile for a few moments before Virgil starts to get to his feet. He grabs Xan by the back of the head as he stands and tries to throw him face first into the ropes but NO! Xan puts his hands on the apron and stops himself before his face connects with the barbed-wire ring ropes. Xan quickly turns around and successfully hits Virgil in the face with an open-palm to the face, then grabs Virgil by the back of the head and throws him face first into the barbed-wire ring ropes! Virgil gets a bit tangled up in the barbed-wire and Xan quickly starts taking advantage and picks up a barbed-wire covered chair, then brings it smashing into the back of Virgil! Xan decides to let Virgil struggle in the barbed-wire for a bit while he slides back into the ring… he starts carefully taking the barbed wire off of the chair and wrapping it around his thigh and knee.
Linzi Martin: This is why I love Rebel Pro ya know?
Jester Jay: That’s right, by. Rebel Pro is the greatest. A cornucopia of awesomeness, by.
Virgil finally manages to tear himself free of the barbed. He rolls back into the ring and Xan is waiting for him, the right kneepad covered in barbed wire. Xan quickly locks Virgil in a collar and elbow tie up, but Keenan is able to overpower him and drives him back into the ropes and the audience gives a loud groan, but El Gringo Vaxman comes right back at him, he starts driving his barbed wire covered knee into Virgils chest! Virgil releases the hold and falls to a knee and Xan quickly runs across the ring, then runs back and nails Virgil in the mask with a roundhouse kick
Linzi Martin: Too bad we can’t see if he’s bleeding.
Jester Jay: Pussies wear masks, by.
Xan smirks as he kneels down and pulls Keenan up to a seated position. Xan grabs Virgil’s mask in an iron claw type fashion. Virgil lets out a cry of pain. Virgil lets out a plain and simple left hand to the gut. He continues to do so until Xan lets go.
Linzi Martin: Virgil fighting his way back into the match perhaps?
Jester Jay: I hope the rest of the show is this violent, by.
With the wind knocked out of him, Xan staggers back. Keenan pulls himself back to his feet, and decides to get a small measure of revenge. With his left hand, Keenan grabs Xan by the hair his right forearm comes up and grind into Xan’s fore head. The barbed wire wrapped around the forearm of Keenan digs deeply into Xan’s forehead, bloodying him even further. Keenan whips Xan hard into the barbed wire. Xan went into it back first, the back of his shirt caught, causing Xan to have some slightly restricted movement. Xan is stuck, Keenan smirks and charges forward, he lowers his shoulder and hits a Missile Drop Kick through the ropes.
Linzi Martin: Oh fuck, that’s gotta hurt
Jester Jay: Fucking cereal, by.
The barbed wire snapped from the force of the move, causing both men to spill outside the ring. Virgil hesitates too long and takes a sick spill on the head. Xan Lands on his back and upon the barbed wire. Both men lay motionless for a few seconds, the referee goes outside the ring to check on them. Both men eventually begin to stir, trying to roll back to their feet. Virgil is the first to his feet, he takes Xan, who was on one knee, and throws him hard into the announce table.
Linzi Martin: Better get ready to move Jay!
Jester Jay: Damjit I just got this seat warm, by.
Virgil goes to ring side, and ducks down under the apron for weapons. Virgil feels something prick his fingers and smirks. He takes hold of the object and pulls it out to reveal, a barbed wire covered kendo stick. He looks under the ring once more and pulls out a ladder. Once he got the table out, he set it up next to the ring, he then grabs the board and places it on the table but before he could go through with it, the back of his head gets knocked silly with the steel chair from earlier. Keenan collapses to the floor, holding the back of his head.
Linzi Martin: I think Vaxman is going in for the kill.
Jester Jay: I should like Virgil cause he kiss’d the cod like me by, but fuck me I hate him.
Before Virgil could even recover, Vaxman smacks Keenan in the back with the chair. Keenan falls to the floor once more. Xan looks at Virgil, smiles, motions for a belt around his waist and locks in the Goodnight Sweet Prince with body scissors. The referee raises Virgil’s arm.
1
2
3!
Maya Kalis: And your winner due to a passed out bitch and winner of the Everyone Sucks But Me tournament… XAN TONTO! No. Wait… VAXMAN!!!!!
Apostles Get Martyred
Inside the office of the Rebel Pro president all the members of the Order of Chaos stand assembled inside. Simon Kalis sat behind the desk with SNS and Adrian Kalis flanking either side. Each member looking amongst each other. Wondering why they were called. Simon looks upset, but Adrian simply smirks and clears his throat.
Adrian Kalis: Jacob Figgins step forward.
Jacob stepped in front of the members gathered while Adrian produced a gym bag which he threw in front of Figgys feet, a hoddie and lead pipe are clearly seen inside. Figgy only smirked at the sight. The Order all realize what this is.
Jacob Figgins: Took you fuckers long enough.
Adrian picked up the pipe twirling it about in his hand. Adrian twirls the pipe one final time before crushing it into Figgys ribs. Before Figgins could even attempt to retaliate Wilds and Bubba J swoop down upon him to hold him down.
Simon rises and nods to the assembled members each producing a kendo stick. All save fore the ones holding Figgy down line up to get their strikes in. Bubba thrusts Figgins to the floor as it became an all out flurry of kendo sticks.
Finally he his hoisted back up to meet twin kicks to each side of the head from both Kalises. Finally Simon produces the barbed wire baseball bat to go in for the final blow. But Adrian raises a hand to stop them.
Adrian Kalis: This is my Order now, and you’re holding my weapon. I say when it’s over.
Simon sneers to his son before reaching into his desk and scribbling onto a piece of paper. He thrusts the piece of paper into Adrians hands, Adrian frowns a moment before reading, as Simon gives him a “well REBEL Pro is my company” look right back.
Adrian Kalis: By power of the President of Rebel Pro Wrestling, Jacob Figgins is hereby suspended indefinitely. Now get him the fuck out of MY arena”
Bubba and Jaice throw Jacob Figgins to the ground, as security comes in. They hoist Figgins and begin dragging him off.
Jacob Figgins: I fucked your daughter!
The guards just keep dragging him out, Simon merely shakes his head.
Adrian Kalis: I’m fucking Lacey Gloria. How do you think I found out you were a traitor? She gave you up Figgy. She gave you up!
Figgins grunts as he torn out of the office, the crowd in the arena “OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”ing at the drama.
REBEL Pro World Heavyweight Championship Mass Burial Buried Alive Match
Anna Mathews vs. Virgil Keenan vs. Bubba J vs. Simon Kalis©
DING DING
Maya Kalis: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH PHOENIX!!!! ARE YOU FUCKIN’ REAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!?!?!
The crowd goes NUTS, thousands and thousands of fans standing to their feet and cheering wildly.
Maya Kalis: I said PHOENIX, ARIZONA! ARE! YOU! FUCKING! REAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDYYYYYY?!?!?!?!?!
DING DING
Maya Kalis: The following contest is a MASS BURIAL BURIED ALIIIIIIIIIIVE MATCH! For the REBEL Pro Wrestling World Heavyweight CHAMPIONSHIP!!!!!
Fireworks pop off all over the arena, at the entrance ramp and the four corners of the ring.
Maya Kalis: INTRODUCING FIRST!
The lights dim a bit and a rainbow of pulsing lights accompanies the rapid fire drum intro to Shonen Knife’s Perfect Freedom. The camera pans around the crowd for a moment before heading to the entrance way. Feedback ripples through the speakers causing the lights to be blinding. Finally, the guitar kicks in with a spotlight pointing the way. Our crowd looks on in anticipation as they begin stomping and chanting her name, loudly and proudly, causing a great deal of commotion.
Searching for perfect freedom
Overaccomplish, show no reason
Anarchy in the kingdom
It might be a mistake
Sure enough, above the entrance, standing on the steel frame of the tron, is a slim figure with her hands on her hips wearing a warm colored feathered cloak. Her eyes look out and beyond, observing the domain. Her mouth houses the biggest grin not on a jack-o-lantern.
What should I do?
What should I do-oo-oo?
What should I do?
What should I do-oo-oo?
She leaps off the steel, causing a brief scare for the fans until they realize she’s securely gliding down a wire towards the ring. It’s a wild ride (she almost kicks somebody’s head off at some point) that eventually brings her to the center of the ring. With a twist she unhooks the wire and it dances to the ceiling.
Anarchy in the UK
It might be a mistake
She crouches, the outfit covering her until she pops up and spins the costumed cloak off, revealing herself as the much anticipated Anna Mathews, who places her hands on her hips and stands tall, much like Superman on the side of a building, with the belt secured tightly around her waist.
Maya Kalis: In this corner, I give you the Queen of Dodos! One half of the AoWF Tag Team Champions! The Victory Wrestling Car Crash Television Champion! The HOTTEST chick this side of ME! ANNA MATHEWS!!!!
The crowd is going fucking ballistic, really pumped for the match.
Linzi Martin: Oh my god, this is going to be epic.
Jester Jay: Stop exaggerating. Amazing? Maybe. Fantastic? Possibly. Epic? Come on.
Larry Gordon: The contestants shall start in the ring, but they must make their way outside of the arena to win as their opponents can only be buried alive!
The chorus of Saliva’s “Badass” hits up in the speakers and the Rebel-tron stays pictureless.
“Cause I’m a badass
And you don’t want to clash
Cause your mouth’s writing checks that your face can’t cash
Cause I’m a badass
And this war is your last
You just crossed my path and I’ll drop you fast”
The song transitions to the first verse.
“I need you to hear this loud and clear”
As the first lyric begins to play from Saliva’s “Badass”, Bubba J walks from the back and stares out to the crowd, his fists wrapped in tape and then dipped in broken glass.
“The line and the sand is drawn and I have no fear
When I see red all I need is a reason to set me off
To drop this bomb and pick yourself off the ground”
He slowly begins to walk down the ramp, just staring into the ring, in his own “zone” he pays very little attention to anything surrounding him. No fireworks, nothing spectacular, nothing flashy; just music and him walking.
MAYA KALIS: From Durham, North Carolina; he stands at six feet and two inches while weighing in at two hundred and fifty pounds… “The Ragin’ Redneck” Bubba J!
Bubba J steps up the ring steps before climbing through the ropes. Bubba J then steps over to his corner, facing the entrance ramp and waiting on the damn match to begin.
“Cause I’m a badass
And you don’t want to clash
Cause your mouth’s writing checks that your face can’t cash
Cause I’m a badass
And this war is your last
You just crossed my path and I’ll drop you fast.”
Linzi Martin: Oh God… Guess who’s out next?
he lights begin to fade, dimming to a calming light. Green and purple start to glow and flash, the arena looking to the stage as A Perfect Circle starts to play and blare. Sullivan is waiting in the gorilla position for the lyrics to hit before bursting out onto the stage. Fans are already responding in a harsh chorus of Jeers.*
*With the signal of the beginning lyrics Virgil storms out of his position, of course to a series of discriminating chants and boos. Virgil’s artier showed off as he started moving his way across the stage. The green and purple lights reflected and caused glimmer on his body. A cool, calculating smirk seemed steady and planted on his face, an unnerving confidence, a form of malevolence shines through. The ramp was laid out before him, en route to his goal.*
*Virgil walked calmly and professionally down the ramp. The steel ramp under Keenan’s feet reacted with a clank, none of which could be heard over the music and jeers in unison. Soon Virgil found himself on the matting surrounding the ring. He reacted quickly, rolling into the ring and heading towards the turnbuckle that was closest. Soon climbing up it he merely looked around and reacted with a combined smirk-scoff.*
Maya Kalis: He hails from St. Johns, Newfoundland! Standing in at 6 feet tall and an even 220 pounds… REJOICE MOTHERFUCKERS! FOR HIS NAME IS VIRGIL KEENAN!!!!!
Linzi Martin: Awwww… A newfie, just like you Jay.
Larry Gordon: The hell’s a newfie? Some sort of Canadian hot dog?
Linzi Martin: Close enough.
Jester Jay: …
Maya Kalis: And finally…
A golden arch of pyros comes over the entrance ramp as “Invasion” by Christian Poulet and Jean-Yves Rigo begins to play over the speakers. The crowd immediately rises to their feet in mass hysteria of boos! The sillhouette of a figure steps forward amongst the arch of pyros, a shadow created from the light.
Maya Kalis: He is the President of REBEL Pro.
We see a finished cigarette get pitched forward down the entrance ramp, the arch of pyros fades off as Simon Kalis steps forward and the roof of the building damn near comes off. He raises his head as the smoke comes billowing out of his nostrils and mouth. Kalis appears methodical with every step he takes forward, decked out in a long flowing black trench coat, a black turtleneck sweater beneath that and black sweat pants with black boots to finish off the outfit. And of course, a black eye patch over his left eye which shows fresh scars from the Masters of Armageddon attempt to destroy him. The fans at ringside are almost leaping at him, yet he moves as if he is the only man in the arena. He has the REBEL Pro World title strapped to his waist, but he also has a small box in one hand, and a six pack of beers in the other.
Maya Kalis: He is The Last Superstar!!!! SIMON KALIS!!!!
Kalis enters the ring and puts the beers down. Virgil, Anna and Bubba all eye him carefully. He opens the little box to reveal two pieces of cake. He offers one piece to Anna who is all smiles! Simon scarfs down his cake, but Anna uses the plastic fork to cut little pieces off the cake. Simon then grabs the beers and throws two to Bubba, takes two for himself. They crack them open and smash their beers together and chug them down. Virgil watches on, curiously. Simon splits the last 2 beers between Bubba and himself and they chug those down too.
Larry Gordon: Great. Mute, half blind- and now wildly drunk.
Linzi Martin: Wonder how the cake will mix with him.
Virgil yells out to Simon, seemingly asking him where’s his goodies. Simon responds with two middle fingers. Bubba and Anna find this amusing, even the fans do. Virgil? Does not.
DING DING DING
Virgil surprises the opening of the match by actually steam rolling an attack straight towards Kalis. Keenan runs right at Simon, bringing his knee up as he pulls Kalis down and caves in is chest. He then hip tosses Simon to the canvas and hits a beautifully executed leg drop. The world champion and the masked man fight to the outside, as Simon grabs hold of Virgil’s neck and begins choking him and both men roll out of the ring. Bubba and Anna make a respectful lock up and fight in the ring. They lock horns, and a power struggle ensues. Anna knows she cannot win this battle, immediately overpowered by te much bigger and stronger Bubba J. Bubba J grabs Anna Mathews and throws her by her hair like a ragdoll into the corner turnbuckles. Bubba rushes her, lifting his knee into her chest. She stumbles forward and Bubba J headbutts her and she falls down against the bottom turnbuckle. Bubba puts his right foot against her throat, and begins applying heavy pressure and trying to choke the life out of her.
Larry Gordon: The two Order of Chaos men are putting on a dominant showing.
Linzi Martin: Surprised?
Jester Jay: Yes, considering they’re both old and semi retarded.
Virgil and Simon share fists, as a back and forth brawling contest opens up. Virgil Keenan is probably unaware Simon began his career as a brawler. Simon capitalizes on the experience and he tosses the challenger into the steel steps. Simon Kalis steps back and runs at Keenan, he goes for a big boot to Keenans face but Keenan spurts up the steps and jaw jacks him off the apron. Simon staggers back, dazed and a bit out of it while probably still feeling the effects of his battle with Reece Paxton earlier in the evening. Virgil comes at him bro, running flap jack. Simon is fucking down like the broken black dread pirate of doom and cake he is. Anna Mathews meanwhile is getting mudhole stomped back into Oblivion, perhaps into Sheogoraths realm of New Sheoth to purchase fine cheeses and split coloured clothing. Anna however, adorable and retarded and all- pushes her way away from the turnbuckles and tackles Bubba J in the knees, Bubba flips forward and hits his face on the top turnbuckle. Anna Mathews rubs her chest, and the male fans cheer this, as she gets to her feet. She hits a lovely standing moonsault on Bubba J and both of them hit the canvas hard in the ring.
Larry Gordon: As was stated earlier, this match can only end when three of these individuals are buried alive outside the arena. It cannot possibly end here in the ring.
Linzi Martin: Yeah I think they know, Larry.
Simon Kalis retaliates by lifting up the top half of the steel steps and throwing them at Virgil. Virgil moves out of the way, to the left- fucking cunt depth perception that Simon lacks, he didn’t calculate this- and the steps go flying into the front row and take out a whole group of fans standing at front row. Simon’s eye widens.
Jester Jay: Lawsuit! Lawsuit! Lawsuit!
Virgil with a rolling elbow! Simon staggered! In the ring! Anna Mathews with a Dragon Screw Legwhip, treating Bubba like her new redneck bitch! Virgil with a running knee lift on Simon on the outside, the one eyed Jedi Master is dazed as fuck! Bubba J is back up and right away Anna Mathews with a motherfucking swinging inverted DDT! The crowd is ELECTRIFIED! EVERYONE IS ON THEIR FEET! Virgil Keenan follows his offensive up with a European uppercut, and then just as Bubba gets up in the ring…
Fans: REBEL! REBEL! REBEL! REBEL! REBEL! REBEL!
HEART KICK TO BUBBA J! HALF NELSON SUPLEX TO SIMON KALIS ONTO THE STEEL STEPS!!!! THEY ARE BOTH KNOCKED THE FUCK DOWN!!!!!
Jester Jay: WHOA! BAH GAWD LARRY! BAH GAWD LINZI! THE VIOLENCE IS PALPABLE TONIGHT!
Linzi Martin: Virgil Keenan may’ve just decimated Simon Kalis, and Bubba J looks like all the wings and beers he’s consumed came hitting hard with the Heart Kick from Anna Mathews!
Larry Gordon: The two Order of Chaos guys down and out? Larry Gordon Approves This Match.
Virgil is pleased with himself at the carnage he has wrought on the World Champion, but he can’t be for too long as Anna Mathews leapfrogs over the top rope and hits a body splash right onto Keenan, taking both him and her into the crowd from the sheer velocity and force of impact. Virgil begins elbowing Anna Mathews in the face repeatedly from the ground, Anna Mathews raises her arms to try and block and defend the strikes. Simon gets to his feet and demands two more beers from a beer vendor in the crowd. He staggers over to Bubba, chucks Bubba a beer and then a cigarette. Both men hop up onto the apron, sit, and start drinking and smoking cigarettes. All the while Anna Mathews throws herself off of Virgil to avoid further getting smashed in the face from his elbows.
Larry Gordon: Oh this is real professional. Look at those two idiots.
Anna Mathews lunges at Virgil Keenan as he gets to his feet, a nice Bakatare Sliding Kick to show Virgil Keenan some love! Anna Mathews hops onto the apron then flies back down onto Virgil with a shooting star press!!! We imagine if Simon could still speak, he’d be remarking to Bubba J about her fine ass. Anna Mathews goes to lift Virgil up, but he grapples onto her- BRAINBUSTER ONTO THE STEEL BARRICADES!!! Anna Mathews is bleeding for all her trouble, all over her face. The crowd explodes into cheers!
Linzi Martin: They love her, but they love blood above all others in REBEL Pro.
Virgil Keenan stands over Anna Mathews and then notices Bubba and Simon, who simply shrug when they look his way. Virgil ignores them for now, and choses to lift Anna Mathews back up. Virgil Keenan goes for the Burning Hammer but Anna Mathews gets free! She gives him a Heart Kick of his own for their troubles, and both of them collapse to the ground outside the ring. Simon and Bubba toast their beers and finish them off, but Bubba J spins Simon towards him and crushes the burning ember of his cigarette into Simon’s recently stitched forehead from earlier tonight. Kalis winces, kick to the gut- TRAILER PARK TRASH!!!! TRAILER PARK TRASH!!! Simon bounces right up and remains down and out. Bubba heads right for Virgil Keenan as Keenan gets to his feet. Two middle fingers, a kick to the gut- TRAILER PARK TRASH ON VIRGIL KEENAN!!! Bubba cusses him out and gets to his feet, raising his arms- the crowd is going NUTS! Anna Mathews is up, hair and blood blinding her. Bubba J stalks her, waiting, smirking. She wipes the blood away, pulls her hair back- KICK TO THE GUT, TRAILER PARK TRASH!!! TRAILER PARK TRASH ON ANNA MATHEWS!!! The crowd is WILD right now!
Linzi Martin: Holy SHIT! Bubba J just wiped out EVERYONE!
Larry Gordon: The crazy old bastard. He even went at Simon.
Jester Jay: Of course he did Larry. This is a World title match, not a tag match. It’s business!
Bubba J whistles, and out comes a big red Ford F-150 truck. Bubba goes to the back of the truck and pulls out a bunch of rope, and begins hog tying Anna Mathews, then Virgil Keenan, all really quickly. The driver steps out, and it’s some really drunk guy in a Hardcore Drinking t-shirt and jeans. Bubba hogties Simon Kalis too now and begins dragging them all to the bed of the truck, dumping them in. He gets the help from his drunk pal. Virgil, Anna and Simon are all hog tied and in the back of the truck. The drunk dude who helped Bubba pulls out a pen and paper for an autograph, we suppose payment for his help. Bubba grabs his beer, drinks it down and then kicks him in the gut- TRAILER PARK TRASH ON HIS OWN DRUNKEN ACCOMPLICE!!
Larry Gordon: I suppose it’s a good thing they cleared a path to the outside of the arena, but how does Bubba plan to manoeuvre such a big truck past the ring?
Bubba hops into the driver’s seat and backs up the truck. He revs the engine and finishes another beer inside the truck. He blasts forward, and crashes right into and THROUGH THE FUCKING RING!!! The truck stalls, Bubba smashes his face against the steering wheel. Anna, Virgil and Simon slide all around helplessly in the back of the truck. The crowd cheers wildly. Bubba backs up the truck, now bleeding himself from the impact. He revs the engine again and finally blasts all the way through the REBEL ring, breaking open a bigger opening for the exit at ringside and driving right out of the arena.
Jester Jay: This drunk bastard is going to KILL EVERYONE!!!
Linzi Martin: REBEL Pro does not condone drinking and driving. Especially drinking and driving with three human beings hog tied in the bed of your truck.
Bubba J drives through the hallways following the arrows, until he gets right out of the arena and heads towards the mass grave pit set up for the match. He finishes off ANOTHER beer as he hits the brakes, a dozen yards or so away from the massive pit. The dump truck waits to complete the burial, and if we didn’t know any better we’d say Bubba is calculating how he’s going to pull this off.
Linzi Martin: So I suppose now he turns the truck around, backs it up and dumps the bodies into the grave. The goes to the dump truck and dumps the soil over them all and wins.
Bubba J revs the engine and nods.
Larry Gordon: Linzi, this is Bubba J we’re talking about. Not some rational thinking human being.
Jester Jay: Yeah. This is the Ragin’ Redneck.
While everyone isn’t paying attention to the three bodies in the back of the truck, it would appear Anna Mathews got free. Virgil Keenan and Simon Kalis look perplexed as fuck right now as Anna waves at them, smiling and still bleeding, and hops out of the back of the truck. Simon squirms and struggles, as does Virgil. Virgil begins cussing and Bubba J hits the pedal. He bursts forward, picking up speed. The truck goes over a mound of soil, bumpy ride as it FLIES right into the mass grave! The airbags go off, Bubba J’s face smashes against it. Virgil and Simon come flying from the bed of the truck and crashing into Bubba J through the back window. All three men are bloody, cut and just utterly fucked up.
Linzi Martin: Fucking redneck.
Anna Mathews hops her way over to the dump truck and throws on a hard hat, and enters.
Jester Jay: No. Really. How the hell did she get free?
Anna waves to the cameras and hits a button. It was a big red button, we figure that means mega super fuck you death for everyone.
Larry Gordon: I guess being a master of time and space comes in handy, doesn’t it?
The dump truck dumps a huge mound of soil into the grave. Not enough to completely bury and kill Bubba, Virgil and Simon- but enough to make it difficult for them to move- let alone escape. Inside the arena?
DING DING DING
Maya Kalis: And of course! In another batshit crazy REBEL Pro World title match, Our Lady of Batshit herself… The winner of this match, and NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW REBEL PRO WRESTLING WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!!!! ANNA MATHEWS!!!!
Anna jumps out of the truck, wobbling around as she’s still bleeding pretty badly. But the referee shows up and hands her the REBEL Pro World Championship once again. The crowd in the arena is going nuts, as Anna has her hand raised. Meghan Nash Strader comes running out of the arena and jumps into Anna’s arms, catching her though before she falls since she’s pretty fucked up right now. They share a great kiss, the crowd goes nuts and Anna Mathews has her arm raised by Meghan Nash Strader, the REBEL Pro World Championship once again in the Queen of Dodo’s possession as we fade…
QUICK RESULTS
Simon Kalis defeats Reece Paxton to become the new REBEL Pro World Champion
Jaice Wilds & Wyn Mangum defeat Umbra to become NOCs To The Aggression Championship
Stolen Hearts defeat Hell & High Water for the vacant RPW Tag Team Championships
Adrian Kalis defeats Xan Vaxman to retain the AoWF Television Championship
Xan Vaxman defeats Virgil Keenan to win the Everyone Sucks But Me Tournament!
Anna Mathews buries Simon Kalis, Virgil Keenan & Bubba J to become new
REBEL Pro World Champion
