Aggression 9-19-2011

*****Guess Who’s Back?*****

A midnight blue convertible 1966 Chevrolet Corvette pulls into the parking lot. Stepping out from this sharp looking classic is none other than Rebel Pro Majority Owner, Larry Gordon. After nodding to the camera, he pulls a briefcase out of the car and steps into the building.

*****When The Cat Is Out, The Mice Will Play*****

There’s a quick shot change to inside Jeremy Gold’s office, which is probably good given the fact Simon is holding him up against the wall, and if we could see Simons face behind the mask he’s now wearing to cover up his mutilated face, we’re sure he looks pissed off.

Simon Kalis: You up and “recognized” a cardboard title?

Jeremy Gold: I thought it’d be fun! Entertaining!

Gold whimpers, Simon dropping him down.

Jeremy Gold: You gotta admit, it’s special.

Kalis slams the door on his way out, and Gold wipes the tears out of his eyes.

*****Bobby Lee versus Jimmy Henderson*****

The two meet up in the center of the ring for a collar-and-elbow tie-up, Jimmy wastes no time in walking Bobby into the corner and driving his leg into his stomach. Bobby keels over and Jimmy drives a forearm over his back, sending Bobby to his knees.

Pulling Bobby up by his hair, Jimmy throws a hard right hand to the side of the head that sends Bobby back to the mat. Jimmy, stalking him, pulls Bobby to his feet only to put him back down with a scoop slam followed up by a standing elbow drop into the sternum. Jimmy immediately goes for the cover.

1!

2!

KICK OUT!

Jimmy gets to his feet, pulling Bobby to his feet and attempts a suplex, but Bobby quickly seizes the opportunity and goes for an inside cradle.

1!

KICK OUT!

Both men quickly get to their feet, but Jimmy is the quicker of the two and drives another forearm shot across the shoulders of Bobby. Getting him to his feet, Jimmy shoves Bobby into the ropes before whipping across the ring and trying for a clothesline that misses. Bobby bounces off the ropes again and tries for a cross body, but gets caught. Jimmy walks around the ring, show boating before sending Bobby to the mat with a fall away slam that sends him to the floor.

Jimmy heads to the outside of the ring, pulling Bobby to his feet and Irish whipping him into the steel steps. With Bobby momentarily subdued on the outside, Jimmy grabs the top half of the stairs and launches them over the top rope into the ring. He then proceeds to dig under the ring to find a set of trash cans, throwing both lids and one canister in the ring – the other he keeps for himself, stalking Bobby with it.

Bobby is crawling on the floor until Jimmy slams the trash can into his back, pulls him to his feet and then throws him into the ring. Jimmy starts to slide into the ring, but Bobby seizes the opportunity to grab the canister in the ring and dents it over Jimmy’s head. Jimmy wobbles for a second, Bobby takes another swing, this time with the bottom of the can. Jimmy falls onto his back and Bobby goes for the cover.

1!

2!

KICK OUT!

With Jimmy still on the mat, using the bottom rope as a spring board, Bobby begins stomping at his chest repeatedly. Bobby walks back over to the canister, waiting for Jimmy to get to his feet before swinging it like a baseball bat this time into the side of Jimmy’s head. Jimmy staggers but doesn’t fall. Bobby delivers a couple of hard right hands to Jimmy’s skull before running to the ropes but Jimmy is waiting with a boot to the face, killing all of Bobby’s momentum.

Jimmy grabs Bobby by the hair once more, walking him like a dog over to the steel steps in the ring. Jimmy stands on top and gets set to piledrive Bobby’s head into them. Struggling to get him upright, Jimmy finds himself on the receiving end of a back body drop onto the mat. Bobby quickly heads under the ring and pulls out a ladder, sliding it into the ring and climb back in himself afterward.

Jimmy tries to get to his feet, but Bobby slams the ladder into his back, sending Jimmy back down to the mat. Bobby stands the ladder up in the corner, while Jimmy is finally able to get to his feet. Jimmy secures the steel steps and as Bobby turns around, he gets caught in the face with them.

Jimmy pulls Bobby to his feet and delivers another forearm shot to the back that sends Bobby rolling across the mat. Jimmy stands Bobby back up and Irish whips him into the corner, but Bobby uses his momentum to climb the turnbuckle at a dead run, quickly turning around he comes off with a springboard 450 plancha. Both men appear to be spent.

Slowly to their feet. Jimmy, ever the opportunist, grabs one of the trash can lids and uses it to bat down Bobby before he can even finishing standing up. Jimmy shoves the referee out of the way before turning and grabbing the battered trash can still in the ring. With Jimmy’s back turned, Bobby grabs the trash can lid he just dropped and with authority, smashes it over Jimmy’s head.

BLOOD! WE GOT BLOOD! Welcome back Jimmy!

Bobby swings the canister lid a few more times before Jimmy finally falls to his back on the mat. Bobby, still with the lid, makes his way over to the ladder in the corner and begins to ascend. Jimmy rises to his feet and begins to ascend the other side of the ladder. Bobby pummels Jimmy with the trash can lid several more times.

Jimmy finally falls from the top of the ladder and Bobby is quick to reach the top tier of the ladder. Lobbing the canister lid onto Jimmy’s face from up top, Bobby comes off the the top of the ladder and lands awkwardly on Jimmy. Jimmy gets to his feet, Psycho Paraphenalia from Bobby Lee! Bobby Lee lays down next to Jimmy, then places Jimmy’s arm over him.

Linzi Martin: What the hell is he doing?

1!

2!!

KICK OUT!

Bobby Lee kicks out of his uhm.. Own stuff? Who knows, the point is he did so because there is a large Gray Alien at ringside now stalking him. Bobby Lee’s eyes are incredibly wide as he stares in horror at his arch nemesis, a genuine Zeti Reticuli alien. Who is also, oddly enough, drinking a can of Fecal Beagle’s and he looks at the can as if it “tastes like shit”.

Linzi Martin: Only in Philly.

Bobby Lee faints, and he falls right on top of Jimmy Henderson.

1!

2!

3!

* DING * DING * DING *

Jenny Jersey: Here is your winner… Bobby Lee!

The alien removes his mask, obviously to reveal it’s Loren N. Chill behind it. He laughs it off as he walks back up the entrance ramp.

Linzi Martin: So the point of this was to cost Bobby Lee the match, by making him win? These two were made for each other, I tell you.

*****So Wait, What Was This About?*****

We fade backstage and find Rupert The Kangaroo nodding as he looks over Virgil Keenan, who leans over the desk to stare Simon Kalis directly in the eyes.

Virgil Keenan: So? What’d you say?

Kalis leans back, cupping his hands over his belly and nodding.

Simon Kalis: You make an incredibly sound argument there Virgil. Rupert? What’d you think?

Gold perks up from the couch as Rupert seems to nod in agreement.

Simon Kalis: Consider it done. You and Wilds and Har-

Jeremy Gold: Wait you’re gonna ask the fucking kangaroo his opinion over me?

Virgil Keenan gets up, a sly smirk over his face as he nods to Simon and walks out. Rupert lights a cigarette and blows the smoke in Gold’s face.

Simon Kalis: He’s smarter than you are.

Gold buries his face in his hands as we fade to ringside…

*****Virgil Keenan versus Loren N. Chill*****

“We Are The End” by Alexisonfire hits and the crowd jumps to their feet.

Jenny Jersey: The following match is scheduled for one fall and uhm. I guess, is for the REBEL Pro Curtain Jerker Championship by default!

Virgil Keenan steps out with a “WTF” look on his face, he obviously doesn’t want the Curtain Jerker title.

Linzi Martin: Luckily for him he only gets that title if he loses, which he probably doesn’t want to.

Keenan slides into the ring and accepts the mixed reaction from the crowd.

Then, “Let Me Prey” by Van Helsing’s Curse begins playing throughout as the arena is now engulfed in red overhead lights, the REBELTron now displays alien-like symbols and images. As the lights over the entranceway come on we can see what appears to be a dozen black-robed Yautjas (Predators, for those of you who never read the comics), some with masks, some without.

?

### CENTURIES HAD PASSED ###
### AND THE WORLD HAD CHANGED ###
### BUT IT KNEW THEY HAD NOT ###

### FIRST THEY WOULD TRY TO FIGHT ###

### THEN THEY WOULD TRY TO RUN ###

### AND THEN THEY WOULD PRAY ###

The maniacal laughter that was once Patient 4479 can be heard echoing through the arena.

### “LET US PRAY” ###

### NO! ###

### LET ME PREY ###

The Yautjas make their way down the aisle in pairs and begin to circle around the ring. Bobby Lee tries to scramble for a new place to hide but quickly retreats back into the ring, snatching up his riot shield and cautiously watching all sides of the ring.

Then, at the top of the entrance appears two more Yautja, one of which is completely decked out with battle-ready armor.

?

The two Yautja, Loren & Dennis, make their way down to the ring. Dennis gets down on all fours next to the ring apron and Loren uses his back as a step up. Once on the apron, Loren steps into the ring and the camera focuses on Bobby Lee who has appeared to literally soil his pants.

?

Loren moves in for an immediate strike, a flying lariat as he goes towards Keenan hard. He manages to hit Virgil Keenan in the face cleanly, but Virgil rolls with the move and shrugs it off before stepping back and watching Chill for the next strike. Keenan is on his feet and rushes towards Chill but Keenan throws a knee out and both their knees hit, Loren flips over, hitting the canvas hard. Virgil Keenan picks Chill by the neck and hip tosses him to the canvas before following it up with a well placed elbow drop to Chill’s throat. Seemingly calm, cool and collected as well in control.

Linzi Martin: Virgil really impresses me, you know. He came out of no where into REBEL Pro and really seems like a legitimate contender.

The camera catches Linzi looking around all shifty eyed around her, but alas she is still alone at the announcers table.

Linzi Martin: I concur.

Virgil back on his feet, but out of no where Loren Chill grabs him from behind and pulls him down with a school boy!

1!

2!!

KICK OUT!

Linzi Martin: Odd one that Loren *censored* Chill isn’t he?

Keenan easily kicks out jusssst after the 2 count and he immediately gets to his feet. He hit’s a sudden snap suplex on Chill and immediately gets back to his feet and grabs The Curtain Jerker Champion by the legs. Chill tries to wiggle his legs out of Virgils grip but he can’t as Virgil locks in a sharpshooter, clenching it and applying immediate pressure. He wrenches the sharpshooter on Chill but he flat out refuses to give up, shaking his head vehemently. Virgil yells out to Loren to just “give up”.

Linzi Martin: Wait whoa!

Bobby Lee comes running out from backstage and Loren quickly taps out.

Linzi Martin: What the fu-

DING DING DING

Jenny Jersey: The winner of this match by submission… VIRGIL KEENAN!!!

Keenan seems bewildered but shrugs it off and has his hands raised nonetheless. Bobby Lee grabs the CJ Title and tries to run off with it but Chill leaps over the top rope and tackles Bobby Lee to the ground. They begin a scrap as Virgil walks back up the ramp, obviously content with another win under the belt.

Linzi Martin: I guess this means Loren retains his title uhm, yeah. It does. But… Oh shit.

Bobby Lee, with one end of the title, Loren, with the other. Both men rip it in half. Bobby Lee can’t believe it neither can Loren Chill, but Lee leaps into the crowd and on his way out.

Linzi Martin: Well to be fair folks, the belt was made out of cardboard and crayons.

Chill gives chase as we fade backstage.

Linzi Martin: My favourite part was how the entrances took longer than the actual match.

*****Just A Couple of Ideas*****

A knock on the door causes Simon to look up as Larry Gordon walks in, carrying his briefcase, Simon smirks.

Simon: “Trying to be all mysterious?”

Gordon laughs as he shakes his head.

Larry: “Not really, just some things I wanted to discuss with you.”

Larry sits down in front of the desk, allowing Simon to sit behind it, where he’s been this entire time.

Simon: “You know that camera is running and everyone wants to know how you are doing.”

Gordon nods.

Larry: “True and fact is that I’m doing fine. I could actually come back and run this company.”

Simon just stares, but Gordon quickly holds up his hand.

Larry: “But the fact is that the ratings are outrageous, you are doing an excellent job, and the profits are pouring in more than even I could have imagined. But there is one or two things I’d like to discuss.”

Gordon looks at Simon, who nods.

Larry: “Rebel Pro was based on hardcore wrestling.”

Simon nods his agreement, Gordon smiles.

Larry: “And while I love the middle rope idea of barbed wire, how about this…”

Gordon pulls out a drawing of a Rebel Pro ring. The ropes are all wrapped in barbed wire while the turnbuckles are covered in barbed wire as well. Simon looks down and smiles.

Simon: “Easily done Larry, but this can’t be the only reason you are here tonight.”

Gordon shakes his head.

Larry: “Its not Simon and unless you have another person in mind… I miss this business terribly and seeing as I’m in much better health…”

Simon nods, knowing exactly where Larry is going.

Larry: “The decision is totally up to you, I will not make it for you, but if you need an announcer then you’ve got one sitting across the desk from you right now. Could do a three man team or stick to just two; call is strictly up to you.”

Simon ponders this for a bit as we fade back to ringside.

****Mikey Massacre versus Jaice Wilds*****

“Animals” by Nickelback fills the arena and Jaice Wilds steps out of the entranceway before running a full sprint to the ring and sliding under the ropes. Quickly to his feet, he runs to one of the corners, climbing up to the middle turnbuckle and pointing to the crowd who give him a mixed reaction. Stepping up to the third turnbuckle, he does a backflip into the center of the ring and await’s the arrival of Mikey Massacre.

“Heavy Metal Machine” by Smashing Pumpkins hits the airwaves and the crowd jumps to their feet. Mikey Massacre appears at the entranceway, taking the time to let the déjà vu fully sink in before idly making his way down to the ring.

DING DING

Mikey drops the gun, collar and elbow tie up. Mikey with a wristlock into a hammerlock. He slaps the cheek of Jaice before releasing the hold. Jaice Wilds turns around charging at Mikey; drop toe hold and Jaice Wilds is on the canvas. Kip up by Mikey has him back on his feet, baseball slide into Jaice, who rolls out of the way. Jaice up to his feet, throwing a right hand at Mikey, it connects driving the Bearded Bastard backwards into the center of the ring. Another right hand, Mikey ducks underfull nelson merging into a DDT sends Jaice forehead first onto the canvas. Mikey kips up wiping sweat from his brow then slapping his hand across Jaice’s face. Mikey hits the ropes, seeming to be ready for an elbow drop, Jaice Wilds moves as the elbow comes down, Mikey’s elbow slams into the canvas hard. Jaice Wilds up quickly hitting the ropes with a springboard lionsault that flattens Mikey to the canvas. He quickly pulls the Bearded Bastard back to his feet, Irish whip into the corner. Wilds charges in, Mikey with a foot raised. Jaice slides under the bottom rope, having ducked under the foot. As he slides past Mikey’s foot, he grabs the planted foot, pulling it with his momentum. Mikey lands face first on the canvas as Wilds’ momentum keeps him going, Mikey crotched on the ringpost. The crowd groans.

Linzi Martin: This crowd not liking Mikey are they?

Jaice Wilds gets back up and begins clapping to get the crowd into this match, they get his point and begin to clap along with him. He jumps to the apron, leaps to the top turnbuckle and dives with a back elbow! Mikey rolls out of the way, Jaice rolls through the move unharmed. He spins back around charging at Mikey. Armdrag takedown and now Jaice Wilds is going on the defensive. Jaice up to a knee, Mikey struggling to keep him down. Right hand to the ribs of Mikey, a second. Mikey drops the hold, spins around, leg sweep takes Jaice down. Wilds lands on his shoulders but continues the roll backwards until he is up on his feet, Mikey can’t believe this. He charges with a clothesline, Wilds ducks under, Mikey with a mule kick sends Jaice Wilds shoulder first into the ringpost. He comes back holding at his injured shoulder in pain. Mikey kicks out with his right boot, but Wilds has obviously scouted as he ducks under the kick.

Linzi Martin: Wilds lucky he dodged that.
Mikey brings his foot back down as Jaice Wilds charges at his planted leg with a spear, Mikey leaps into the air with a one legged leap frog. Jaice’s momentum sends him through the ropes, he manages to catch the middle rope, spin himself around, slide in under the bottom rope and kip up to his feet in one fluid motion. Mikey looks impressed with that series and nods. Jaice Wilds holds at his shoulder again, because that little display cost him dearly. He once again charges at Mikey, rolling thunder stop into a leg sweep into boot heel to the throat of Mikey!

Linzi Martin: I honestly saw all this coming. Takes smarts.
Mikey kips up to his feet, hits the ropes, and rebounds with a springboard lionsault onto Jaice. Mikey climbs to the top turnbuckle, looks down at Jaice and mimics shooting him with a gun. Mikey leaps into action with the same series that Jaice just performed; this one being a bit more awkward than Jaice’s version, but connects. Mikey lifts Jaice up, hitting him with a series of vertical suplexes and ending with an Everplex to the center of the ring. Mikey then goes outside to retrieve a steel chair and climbs to the top turnbuckle and looks down on his opponent, Jaice Wilds.

Linzi Martin: I won’t lie, I miss having Mikey here with me. But I don’t think he really liked me.

Mikey is standing on the top turnbuckle, chair in hand and leaps, tossing the chair down just before he hits “The Sellout(chair assisted frogsplash).! Jaice moves! Jaice Wilds moves out of the way, kicking the chair back up into Mikey’s face! Mikey’s head is rocked backwards and Jaice is there sitting Mikey in the chair before climbing to the top rope!

Aerial Ace!

Cover!

One!

Two!

Three!

Ding Ding Ding

Jenny Jersey: Here is your winner…. Jaice Wilds!

Mikey Massacre rolls out of the ring, obviously pissed off. He grabs a few chairs and begins throwing them around, even going as far as to knock a fans face in with one. Jaice Wilds heads back up the entrance ramp, as security rushes in past him.

Linzi Martin: Oh my old buddy Mikey doesn’t seem too happy with how this turned out.

Massacre takes down the first three security guards with chair shots but they taser him to get him sedated, sort of.

Linzi Martin: Was that necessary guys?!

Security drags Massacre off, the crowd booing him as they go.

*****Percepshun*****

We arrive at the front door where Anna Mathews is attempting to carefully lead Lisa Seldon through the building.

Anna Mathews: Com on slwpoke!

Attempt is of course the operable word as Lisa sits back on her heels, forcing Anna to drag her through the halls. Which looks odd… especially with the puppet… and the talking belt… and the moose. It’s a regular carnival.

Anna Mathews: Wi hav 2 go c the wzard!

Finally, Lisa comes to a complete halt and throws down her arm. Anna turns back to grab her again but recoils when Lisa huffs loudly in her general direction.

Lisa Seldon: What the hell are you doing? I’m not blind!

Anna Mathews: But ur depth percepshun!

Her tone jumps up and bites you in the ears.

Anna Mathews: Evrythin’ iz closr or furthr awy than u fink!

As if to further emphasise the point, Anna wildly flails her arms in the air. And carries right on doing so until Lisa steps forward and grabs her by the shoulders.

Lisa Seldon: No it is not! Everything is exactly where I expect it to be!

Lisa shakes her back and forth with every word; and then a little more there after just because she’s annoyed. With nothing to say, Anna decides instead to smile ridiculously.

PuppetLisa: What about the peoples?

Lisa looks down as the puppet appears from the bottom of your screen. Lisa sneers back.

Lisa Seldon: The peoples will all get the hell out of my way! Because I am declaring war!

Lisa then pushes the puppet aside (yup) and storms down the nearest hallway, pushing at least two peoples into the wall as she goes. Anna meanwhile clicks her heels and skips along after, her entourage in tow.

Anna Mathews: Com along, Travolta!

Travolta is the moose.

*****Jamie Flynn versus J.T. Whiplash*****

The lights go out as an image of a copperhead slithering down a dirt road airs on the REBEL-Tron as the bagpipe intro from “Copperhead Road” by Steve Earle begins to play with the snake slithering down the path. The snake then coils up in position to strike as the bagpipe intro ends and “Simple Man” by Lynyrd Skynyrd begins to play over the P.A. system as red, white, and blue lighting goes off throughout the arena. Just then, a spot-light shines on J.T. Whiplash in his wrestling attire, holding a Rebel flag as the fans erupt in cheers. J.T. then waves the Rebel flag in the air hollering as he does so. He then puts the flag over his shoulder as he makes his way to the ring slowly, tagging hands with as many fans as he can get to as he gets to the end of the ramp-way, pausing as he waves his Rebel flag around again before walking to the ring steps and sticking his Rebel flag in the ring post as he steps over the middle rope and climbs in the ring, shouting and hollering for the fans to cheer as he climbs up each second turn-buckle and lets out a loud “YEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAWWW!!!” as he gives the crowd a bull-horn sign before he paces back and forth in the ring like a pissed-off hyena as he runs against the ropes a couple of times before going back to pacing as the music dies down.

“Knights of Cydonia” by Muse plays throughout the arena, but you can’t hear it because all the fans are on their feet. Jamie Flynn emerges from the entranceway, staring out across the crowd before making his way down to the ring.

* DING * DING * DING *

The two waste no time with a collar and elbow tie-up, Jamie Flynn is quick with a headlock but J.T. Whiplash quickly rushes him back to the ropes and shoves him off. Flynn comes off the ropes across the ring and Whiplash tries for a hip toss but it’s blocked. Flynn tries one of his own, it too is blocked. So Flynn settles for an arm drag take down.

As Whiplash gets to his feet, Flynn runs full steam and catches Whiplash with a clothesline that sends him to the mat. Flynn gets Whiplash to his feet and Irish whips him into the corner and follows him in with a running roundhouse kick. Flynn stands over Whiplash as he gets to his feet. Flynn tries to grab Whiplash by his wrist, but Whiplash quickly drives the tip of his boot into Flynn’s gut.

Whiplash follows up with several hard right hands that jar Flynn’s head, sending him up against the ropes. Whiplash shakes the punches off his fist before pursuing further. Whiplash proceeds to Irish whip Flynn across the ring and attempts a back body drop but Flynn flips over J.T.’s back and lands on his feet. As Whiplash turns around, he is caught with a crescent kick to the jaw.

With Whiplash on the mat near the ropes, Flynn runs to the ropes and delivers a baseball slide slash drop kick that sends Whiplash to the outside of the ring. Flynn seizing every opportunity steps out onto the apron and waits for Whiplash. Once J.T. gets to his feet, Flynn comes running and flying off the apron but Whiplash ducks the plancha and Flynn hit’s the floor.

Whiplash pulls Flynn to his feet and starts driving some more hard right hands into his skull, chasing Flynn around the ring as he does. Once he’s done pummeling him, Whiplash hooks Flynn up for a suplex but it’s blocked. Flynn hoists Whiplash up and slams his stomach onto the guardrail outside of the ring and then punches J.T. in the head several times. Once he’s incapacitated him long enough, Flynn climbs onto the apron and leaps off with a spinning leg drop.

Once Flynn gathers himself, he leaves Whiplash on the floor and digs under the ring for a table, setting it up. No sooner than the table is staged, Whiplash catches Flynn with a boot to the face as he turns around. Grabbing Flynn by the hair, he begins running with him and throws him face first into the steel steps.

With Flynn back to his feet, Whiplash starts delivering some vicious knife-edge chops to his Jamie’s chest. Again, chasing him around the ring as he does. Whiplash then Irish whips Flynn face first into the corner post of the ring. Whiplash throws Flynn into the ring, standing over him long enough to measure his next move which is a leaping leg drop across the neck and going for the cover.

1!

2!

KICK OUT!

Whiplash picks Flynn up and shoves him back into the corner, picking and choosing where he lands his punches and his kicks effectively. Flynn reverses, throwing some punches and kicks of his own before Irish whipping J.T. to the opposing corner and trying to follow-up with his clothesline, but he catches a face fool of Whiplash’s shoe.

Whiplash picks Flynn off the mat and drapes his throat across the ropes, using all of his massive frame to begin choking the life out of Flynn for several seconds before breaking the hold. Flynn falls to the mat, clutching at his throat. Whiplash quickly hooks Flynn into a camel clutch and rears back as hard as he can. The ref is there to check for a submission.

Flynn begins fighting his way out, using the ropes to pull himself to his feet but before he’s able to capitalize, Whiplash punches him in the throat and then clotheslines him to the mat. Flynn gets to his feet in the corner, but Whiplash is there driving boot after boot into his stomach once again. Flynn mounts a counter, striking Whiplash in the gut with a fist of his own. And another. And another.

Flynn starts striking rapidly now. One to the head, one to the body, back to the head, a kick to the ribs, kick to the knee and a roundhouse to the chest. With some separation now, Flynn takes off for the ropes buts get cut right back down with a power slam. Cover.

1!

2!

KICK OUT!

Whiplash pulls Flynn up by his hair, but Flynn starts right where he left off. Driving more punches into the gut of Whiplash, Flynn again appears to be distancing himself but J.T. is quick with an eye-gouge that stops the momentum. Whiplash throws Flynn towards the ropes, but Flynn holds on. J.T. comes running but Flynn ducks and back body drops Whiplash to the outside of the ring through the table!

Flynn takes a moment to catch his breath, meanwhile Whiplash begins to stir. Crawling towards the ring, he reaches for a steel chair from under it. As he stands, Flynn grabs him by his hair and Whiplash turns around with ferocity and bends the chair over his skull. Flynn stumbles back as Whiplash slides into the ring with the chair and sets it up in the ring.

Pick Flynn off the mat, J.T. picks Flynn up into a full gorilla press over his head and begins walking towards the chair. Flynn begins to shuffle lose, landing on his feet behind Whiplash. As Whiplash turns around, he thrown into the air by Flynn and pancaked onto the chair.

Flynn folds up the chair and drapes it across Whiplash’s face and he climbs up to the middle turnbuckle. Leaping off, he lands with a senton bomb onto the chair, crushing Whiplash’s skull underneath. Once he’s done nursing his back, Flynn removes the chair to reveal a busted open Whiplash. (Really, we’re used to it by now.)

Flynn climbs to the top turnbuckle, motioning for Whiplash to get to his feet. As J.T. finally stands up, Flynn comes off the top with his Suicide Devil’s Plancha!

1!

2!

3!

* DING * DING * DING *

Jenny Jersey: Here is your winner… Jamie Flynn!

Linzi Martin: Wow. Whiplash is a tough bastard, but this might be what people look back to and say was the beginning of Flynn’s Era. Is it though? Who knows. I’ve been drinking so you shouldn’t listen to me.

*****Time To Step It Up Again*****

Bubba J stands prepared for his match, dressed in his bluejeans, t-shirt, and doing his 12 ounce arm curls repeatedly on the bench.

“The more and more I think about it, the pisseder and pisseder I get.”

A very beautiful brunette comes from the bathroom, dressed in a set of skimpy bras and panties, she giggles as she sits on his lap.

“What makes you so mad Bubba?”

He looks at her and swallows some beer.

“That damnable Simon Kalis. I can’t stand his sorry black ass. I’m tired of him running away from our fight and he’s too much of a pussy to step up and us have this match.”

The woman leans over, kissing his ear(and wispering as well.

“Damn right, I’m gonna go and kick his ass!”

The woman slides off, sitting there as she looks at Bubba J storm out of the room, beer in hand. The scene changes out into the hallway where Gold is skipping along, bumping right into Bubba J. Gold looks up, gulping as Bubba J looks down into his very scared face.

“You’ll do!”

Bubba J growls as Gold whimpers and tries to run away. Bubba J begins to pound away on him.

“Tell me where I can find Simon!”

Gold whimpers again.

“Tell me and I’ll stop whoopin’ yer ars!”

He kicks Jeremy in the ass for good measure.

“Damn, nearly lost my foot up in there!”

Gold tries to run away from the irate redneck.

Gold: “He…. he… hes… in the office with Laaaaa…… rrry Goooooorddddon.”

Bubba J snickers.

“You lying faggot, Gordon ain’t around these parts anymore! Now, I’m gonna kick your ass for protectin’ his black ass and lyin’ to me!”

Bubba J shoves Gold into the bathroom, before pissing in the stall(while he holds Gold by the neck). Bubba J lifts him up in piledriver position.

“Swirly time you sorry piece of shit. Next time don’t lie to me!”

He shoves Gold’s head into the toilet and flushes. J walks out of the stall, finding Vincent Black there in the hallway(Gold is whimpering in the bathroom).

Vincent: “Swirly?”

Bubba J nods.

Vincent: “Hey, did you know Gordon showed up tonight?”

Bubba J looks a bit surprised.

Bubba J: “Really?…(he looks back towards the bathroom) Then the faggot wasn’t lying.”

He shrugs before yelling back at Gold.

“Tell Simon to quit running and I’m ready to kick his black ass into the longest hospital stay of his career.”

For answer Gold whimpers.

Bubba J: “Stop acting like this the first time you’ve ever had turds near yer mouth…”

Bubba J and Vincent walk off, Bubba J muttering while Vincent chuckles.

Bubba J: “Silly faggot, dicks are for chicks.”

*****Non Title Match*****
*****Legion versus Violet Harper*****

Jenny Jersey: The following match is a special non title grudge match!

The lights in the arena go to black and the heavy bass of ‘Inside’ by NiN kicks in over the sound system. Rising from a hole set in the middle of the stage is Legion, a backlight showing only his silhouette. The arena lights come back up and Legion is joined on stage by members of his congregation and they all make their way to the ring.

Jenny Jersey: Coming to the ring first, he hails from parts unknown and weighs in at 260 pounds…..Legion!!!

The dark prophet of the Church of Misery is greeted by nothing but boos, although a handful of wanna be goths kids give him the silent treatment so he’s got that goin’ for him.

Jenny Jersey: And his opponent…..

“Gasoline” by Audioslave hits the speakers and the crowd goes apeshit!

Jenny Jersey: She hails from Portsmouth, NH and weighs in at 139 pounds, she is the current REBEL Pro Aggression Champion…..Violet Harper!!!!

Linzi Martin: Why are you out here? I was doing fine by myself.

Batman: Management thinks there needs to be a dynamic you know. Bang! Pow! That sorta thing.
Violet slides into the ring, eyes Legion, smirks at him and unstraps the belt from around her waist. She hands the belt over to referee Alan Stone. Jenny quickly makes her way out of the ring and the referee calls for the bell!

Linzi Martin: Hmph. Well. Once again we had the odd assortment of misfits and freaks along with Legion.

Batman: I was thinkin’ of starting my own Church, for strictly tax purposes of course.

Linzi Martin: Uh yeah.

Legion and Harper circle each other. Legion lunges in and Harper sidesteps him landing a stiff side kick to the thigh of Legion. The big man again lunges for the smaller Harper and again takes another kick to the thigh that would make any MMA fighter envious. The freak know as ‘Piggy’ climbs up onto the ring apron and Harper spins around and drops him to the floor with a right hand! Legion takes advantage of this distraction to bury a knee into the back of Harper! Legion drops a big elbow across the back of the neck of Harper and then shoots her into the ropes. Harper ducks a clothesline and springboards off the middle rope and nails Legion with a crossbody! Legion catches her in midair and turns the move into a spinning side slam. Instead of going for a cover, Legion heads to the closest corner and pulls himself to the second turnbuckle. The big man takes flight with a splash but Harper rolls out of the way!

Batman: Big dudes should never takes to the air. It always ends badly.

Legion is scrambling back to his feet but Harper drops him with a shinning wizard! Harper goes for a cover but Legion shoves her off before the referee can even get into position. Harper rolls to the outside, stands up on the ring apron and waits as Legion pulls himself to his feet. Springboard seated senton from Harper! Instead of trying for a pin, Harper rains down right hands at the masked man until he shoves her off. Legion gets to his feet and takes a dropkick that send shim stumbling into the corner. Harper climbs up unto the second turnbuckle and prepares to start throwin’ punches again when she’s suddenly chuncked over the top rope by Legion! Harper lands hard on the outside and the dark prophet rolls to the floor.

Linzi Martin: The champ is out of her element on the floor! The more brutal this match becomes one would think legion would have the advantage!

Batman: You think she’s wearing any underwear?

Linzi Martin: You disgust me.

Harper is getting to her feet and eats a big boot from Legion! With Harper down, Legion turns his attention to hunting for plunder under the ring. He pulls out a ladder from under the ring and the crowd happily chants ‘We Want Ladders!’ Legion braces one end of the ladder on the ring apron and the other on the ring barricade. From nowhere Harper sails over the ladder, hooks the head of Legion and takes him to the floor with a tornado DDT! Harper wastes no time in asking for and receiving a chair from a ringside fan. Legion is getting back up and takes a chairshot across the back! The monster spins around and Harper lights him up with a sick chairshot to the head! Another! A third! Legion is on rubber legs as Harper tosses him the chair. Legion reflexively catches the chair and Harper dropkicks the chair back into his face!

Batman: Legion is getting beat like Rihanna on a date with Chris Brown!

Linzi Harper: The champ is showing just why she’s possibly the most dominant REBEL Aggression Champion ever!

Harper is trying to push Legion up onto the ladder but the big man drives an elbow to the back of her head. Legion shakes his head to clear the cobwebs and then grabs Harper and presses her above his head only to drop her throat first across the barricade! The referee is yelling for them to bring it back inside but he’s ignored as most REBEL referees are. Legion drags Harper off the floor only so that he can slam her hard back down onto the concrete! Legion picks up the dented chair, waits for Harper to pull herself up and cracks the chair across her back! Harper is quickly rolled onto the ladder by Legion and we see the freak Piggy suddenly crawl into the ring and climb to the top rope. When pigs fly! Piggy leaps off the top turnbuckle but Harper rolls off the ladder and Piggy smashes through it and crash lands on the floor!

Batman: And it’s free bacon for all!

Harper and Legion both roll into the ring as medics rush down to see if Piggy is even still alive. Harper takes a big right hand that stuns her and Legion shots her into the ropes. Side slam from Legion! Legion hooks the leg and gets a count of two from the referee. Legion reaches down to pull Harper up and she responds with a low blow! Legion drops to his knees as Harper rolls to the ring apron, gets up and starts to scale her way to the top turnbuckle. Legion is up and turns around in time to get hit with a moonsault from champ! Harper gets a two count before Legion shoves her off. Legion uses the ring ropes to pull himself up and Harper charges him. Legion quickly slaps a hand around the throat of Harper and takes her up for a chokeslam! Legion bounces Harper off the mat with a brutal chokeslam and she curls into the fetal position. Legion stands over her and reaches down to once again grab her. Harper springs into action, obviously playing possum, and locks Legion into a Omoplata crossface!

Batman: He’ll never tap.

Linzi Martin: I dunno the champ has it locked in tight!

Legion tries to pull both himself and Harper to the ropes but he can’t make it. Legion tapes out!

Batman: Ah shit!

Harper releases the hold and rolls out of the ring as the bell rings!

Jenny Jersey: The winner of this match….Violet Harper!!!!!!

Linzi Martin: Harper suckered Legion right into that submission hold and not even he could withstand the punishment!

Batman: I wonder if she’ll let me take a victory shower with her?

Linzi Martin: Get the hell out of here Marvin, and sober up.

Marvin Humperdink, err we mean Batman, gets up and frowns as he leaves the ringside area to the once again solo Linzi Martin.

*****WAR*****

Lisa Seldon: I am declaring war!

PuppetLisa: She loves declaring war.

Lisa declares war and pounds on Jeremy’s desk, causing him to scatter pretty much everything he has on the desk. In turn Anna giggles and kicks her feet up through the wreckage while Lisa stomps around the room.

Simon Kalis: Declaring war on who?

Simon Kalis steps through the door and is secretly sad that he isn’t suddenly the centre of attention. All eyes are still on Lisa, who spins around slaps Jeremy on the head for no apparent reason.

Lisa Seldon: I’m declaring war on everyone! Everything! I’m declaring war on Hardcore Entertainment and Mikey Massacre and his stupid fucking mullet and anyone else who decides I don’t adequately represent their vision of Rebel Pro. And Anyone, literally anyone who puts me in a situation where I have to wear sunglasses indoors like some kind of ridiculous Lazarusesque douchebag.

Simon Kalis: And so, you’re going to..?

Anna thursts her hand in the air, desperate to answer.

Anna Mathews: Stab him in the heart with a pair of scissors!

Lisa Seldon: Yes!

Lisa claps her hands together, causing Jeremy to jump again.

Lisa Seldon: I like that idea. I like it! And you know what I like about it most? The part about stabbing him in the heart with a pair of scissors!

Jeremy Gold stammers, doing his best to speak without really being heard as Lisa snatches up such a weapon and twists them worryingly between her fingers.

Jeremy Gold: You… you can’t just go around stabbing our guys in the heart. This isn’t Victory.

Lisa Seldon: Bullshit Jeremy, I can stab anyone I want!

A point she punctuates by plunging the scissors into the desk, complete oblivious to Jeremy’s hand getting in the way. He suddenly seems very pale.

Lisa Seldon: You!

She spins around to Kalis, having decided on him as the brains of the operation. Jeremy meanwhile emits a very horrible sound above a frequency audible to human ears. Both Travolta and Anna seem to perk up.

Lisa Seldon: Find us two people, any two people you don’t like, and then say goodbye to them. Because we’re coming back next week and we’re not leaving witnesses.

Lisa then pushes past Kalis back into the hall, making sure to shove whoever else happens to be in her way onto the floor. Kalis himself watches her go and Anna, still sitting at the desk, hands Jeremy a phone. He in turn squeaks into the receiver.

Jeremy Gold: Ambulance please. Quickly.

A second later he finally passes out.

Simon Kalis: Who wants cake?

*****REBEL Pro Tag Team Championship Match*****
*****Case Filed Rockets versus Hardcore Entertainment©*****

“Troublesome 96″ hits up in the speakers as from the back, to a mix of more boos than cheers comes the team of Justin Case and Rocky Logan, along with their handler Hugh Aredone.

Jenny Jersey: Introducing the challengers…, at a total combined weight of four hundred and ninety pounds; “The Millennium Game” Justin Case and “Wreckless” Rocky Logan, along with their manager Hugh Aredone… I give you… Case! Filed! Rockets!

Case and Rocky stand in the ring, leaning over and talking to Hugh Aredone as they both glance from time to time over at Styles Clash.

“Reign of Terror” hits up and the crowd explodes, highly unusual for these men, but the violence they are bringing back has the crowd in a frenzy. Bubba J and Vincent Black step from the back, wearing their belts over their shoulders and Black has on his mask from the promos; they stare at the crowd before glowering at Case Filed Rockets.

Jenny Jersey: Introducing the Rebel Pro Tag Team Champions, I give you at a total combined weight of five hundred and ninety-one pounds, the team of Bubba J and Vincent Black; (crowd along with her) Hardcore! Entertainment!

Black and J nod as they walk down to the ring, still glowering at their opponents before stepping into the ring and handing their belts off to Jenny Jersey.

Ding Ding

Collar and elbow lockup, Black shoving Case backwards, but here comes in Bubba J nailing Case in the back of the legs with a lead pipe as the weapons are broken out early in this one. This is Rebel and there are no rules, you’d do well to remember that. Here comes Rocky Logan with a big boot, sending Bubba J down to the canvas. J rolls up to his feet, Rocky sends him over with a clothesline, but J pulls him out along with him. Case nails Black in the knee with an elbow before shooting up with a double fist to the chin rocking the big man. Case presses his advantage with a roundhouse punch, following it up with a stomp to the side of Black’s knee for good measure. Case grinds his knuckles into Black’s fractured orbital bones before ripping the mask away and kicking him right in the face. J looks up as Black is bleeding early in this match.

Linzi Martin: The fans already get satiated with fresh blood on the canvas.

J looks up, Rocky nailing him with a boot to the face sends him spinning to the announce table. J grabs the television set there and here comes Rocky. J nails him right in the face, shattering the glass of the set and knocking Rocky out cold.

Bubba J: “Dey do that in MMA boy?!”

He stomps down on the now broken nose of Rocky before pulling him up and piledriving him onto the TV and after grabbing a steel chair he rolls back into the ring. Case is pounding away on Vincent’s busted up face, never seeing J roll back into the ring. J swings the chair, nailing Case in the back of the skull and as he falls forward, Black smiles sending him on over with a belly to belly suplex. Black and J fist bump before double teaming Case in the ropes. Black points to the corner, J whips him there before Black whips J into the corner. With a head of steam J nails Case with a double fist smashing forearm type of body splash(it ain’t pretty and even harder to describe); however very effective. Case begins to fall out of the corner, right as Black comes sailing through the air with a running knee to the side of his face. J leans over, Rocky nailing Black from behind with the steel chair from moments earlier. J turns around, chair right to the face sends J into the corner. Boot choke from Rocky has J struggling for breath.

Linzi Martin: Rocky with a breath taking swagger. Haha, get it?

Rocky: “They didn’t teach this to me in MMA either!”

Rocky uses a bit of reach and effort to begin pounding J in the face as he chokes the life out of him with his boot. Meanwhile Vincent is struggling back up to his feet, shaking the cobwebs out of his skull as Case nails him with a shoulder block to his bad knee. Black falls down and Case is there with a ground and pound technique and raining down fists onto the hurt side of Vincent’s face. Again in the corner Bubba J is turning beet red from the choke and struggling to get some purchase. Rocky is continuing to pound away and there goes Bubba J falling limp in the corner. Rocky looks down, right into a double uppercut into his little rocks! Logan’s eyes roll up into his skull and he crumples down to the canvas, narrowly avoiding Case pounding the hell out of Vincent. Bubba J climbs to the second turnbuckle, coming down with a double foot stomp right onto Rocky’s rocks and tossing him out of the way as he goes after Case. Justin rolls over, dropping down and flipping J over onto his back with some really cool move that looked really nifty. Case immediately turns, locking J’s head into a sleeper, trying to wear one down and let Rocky take care of the other. He looks over his shoulder and Rocky is still unmoving, thanks to that double foot stomp. But now Vincent is starting to move, all be it very slowly, but the big sumbitch is moving. Black to one knee, blood pouring from his nose and a trickle from the corner of his eye. However J has the mask of Vincent, nailing Case in the face with it knocking Case out cold. J tosses the mask to Vincent, who puts it back on reluctantly then J holds Case from behind as Vincent goes to nail him with his mask covered face.

Linzi Martin: I’d love to drink Black’s bath water…… Wait did I just say that out loud?

Rocky nails J in the balls in return, causing J to drop Case and receive the full force of Black’s headbutt instead. J looks wobbly on his feet, but from which shot we aren’t sure, or it could be both shots. Either way Rocky shoves him aside and comes to meet Vincent head on. Black with another headbutt attempt, but Rocky with a double leg takedown has Vincent on his back. Meanwhile Case is rolling back up to his feet, dragging Bubba J along with him and pulling his face across the second rope, spllitting his forehead, cheek, and pretty much his entire face; Case ends it with a multiple face smash into the top turnbuckle. Case spins J around, nailing him in the ribs with punch after punch before delivering stiff knees into his kidneys and an European uppercut for good measure. Hugh slides a chair into the ring as Case lifts J up onto the top turnbuckle, driving him face first into the chair, but unable to make the cover. Case rolls over, looking at Rocky pounding Vincent. For his part though, Vincent is firing back with Rocky, the two trading pretty much equal blows, enter in Justin Case to uneven up the odds. Case with a kick to the side of Black’s gets him and Rocky full advantage for the first time in the match.skull

Linzi Martin: And now Case Filed Rockets showing their domination.

Rocky whips Vincent into the ropes and as he comes back, Logan lifts him up, sending him down to meet Case who nails him with the code breaker. Case covers for the pin.

One!

Two!

Bubba J stomps on the back of his Millennium head before using the momentum to launch himself at Logan. The two men hang on the ropes for a second before the momentum carries them on over to the outside; Logan taking the force of the impact on his back. Here comes Hugh though to get Case to cover Black again, who still appears to be out cold.

One!

Two!

Vincent kicks out, fairly easy after the rest, but Case is pressing the advantage, along with his fingers into vincent’s hurt face(the damn saddistic person that Case is).

Linzi Martin: He’s showing just how much he wants this.

J whips Rocky into the railing before lifting him up and dropping his throat across the top of the railing. Hugh is cheering Justin on and never sees J come up behind him. Bubba J spins him around, nailing him right in the gut then completing the Trailer Park Trash and shoving two double birds into Hugh’s face. J looks over at Taboo and Chad flipping them off as well

before hurriedly stomping on the rising Rocky. Case is in Vincent’s face, but Black pulls him on through, sending him out of the ring and into Bubba J who stumbles into Rocky, who in turn drops him throat first across the railing. Black smiles and shrugs and as Case and Logan get up he launches himself over the top rope, swinging the chair at Rocky while lashing out with his feet/knees at Case and connecting.

Linzi Martin: Black is a wrecking ball, god damn.

Black pulls Rocky up, pounding him up against the ringpost then nailing him with a steel chair, denting the weapon and smearing it with blood. Bubba J is pulling himself up, holding a beer bottle in his right hand and as Case rolls back up, J cracks him across the face, splitting his lip, busting his nose, and cutting several cuts into his face/cheek. Case stumbles back, but Bubba J has the intentions on carving him up like a Thanksgiving turkey as he jabs, dashes, and all other sorts of slashing motions at Case who back peddles steadily. Logan with a kick catches Vincent off guard making him stumble back. Logan, pouring blood, presses his advantage. Black with a right, but Logan ducks under lifting Black up and sending him neck/back of the skull first onto the ring steps with a German suplex. Logan rolls onto his side, breathing heavily and spitting blood away from his mouth. On the other side of the ring now Case trips J up, sending him face first onto the broken neck of the bottle, causing a few more cuts(as though you could see them from the crimson mask already).

Linzi Martin: “I’m not sure Bubba J has fully recovered from the match against Vic Wagner and here he is in another match extremely quickly.

Case pounds his bloody face into the concrete before folding him up and nailing a cradle piledriver onto the concrete floor. Case, being unusually very hardcore, starts wrapping the electrical cables around the throat and neck of Bubba J, who seems to be unconscious against the ring. Case is bent over securing the cables as on the other side of the ring Logan is dropping the steps repeatedly onto Black’s face, who’s mask is now red with his blood as well as there seems to be quite a bit of blood on the ring steps as well. Hugh is starting to stir, but feebly falls back onto the floor as Logan rolls Vincent back into the ring. Logan lifts Black up, whip into the ropes. Black comes back, running boot, but Logan dives forward hitting a spear onto Black sending him back down to the canvas. Meanwhile The Show and Taboo are watching the match and discussing both teams as though making notes and preparing for all four men. Logan makes another cover.

One!

Two!

Thr

Vincent gets a shoulder up.

Linzi Martin: So close, this could be a turning point folks.

Logan can’t believe it and pulls Vincent up, his anger getting to him, the inexperienced Rebel Pro rookie. He whips Vincent back into the corner, spitting on him for good measure and humiliation. However, this has the opposite effect as Vincent seems to be awakened now. Black comes out with both fists going, connecting with left after right and right after left until Rocky is in the other corner. Vincent is looking like Rocky beating the hell out of all of his opponents and is damned if he is going to take any more offense from Rocky Logan in this match. Black is pounding his fists, knees, and everything in his aresonal into Logan in the corner. Black lifts Rocky up to the top turnbuckle when ther e is a loud flash and scream from right beneath him as he nails a superplex onto Logan.

~Fecal Beagle Re-watch~

J lifts a pair of wire cutters up, snipping the cords right there at his hands and sticking them to Justin’s balls sending the current through his nuts as the flash is loud and bright. Case is flung back from the impact and up against the railing now, his hands holding himself in obvious pain, that is if he was awake.

Linzi Martin: Yeah, that’ll do it.

~End of Feagle Beagle Re-watch~
j rolls back into the ring, shaking now after the current ran through his body as well and as we look back down, there is a small bottle of water opened and dripping water out of its mouth(he used it to enhance the shock to Justin Case). J pulls Black off of Rocky, nodding that they need to finish this. Black whips Rocky into the ropes and here comes Bubba J with a hellacious clothesline(called My Fucking Face).

Linzi Martin: That must’ve hurt his fucking face. Hah! I’m brilliant!

Vincent looks over at Case, who isn’t moving, lifting Rocky up…, bringing him down to finish the Elitest Drop(upside down New Hope into Trailer Park Trash). Black turns to keep a watch on Chad Kurtis, Taboo, and Justin Case as Bubba J makes the cover.

One!

Two!

Three!

Ding Ding Ding

Jenny Jersey: Winners of the match and STIIIIIIIILL Rebel Pro Tag Team Champions… Bubba J and Vincent Black… Hardcore Entertainment!

Vincent and Bubba J stand side by side, holding their belts up high as they stare at Taboo and Chad Kurtis, who are clapping up at them, but their main focus is on Justin Case and Rocky Logan. Justin and Rocky try to leave, but Taboo and Chad stand in the aisle blocking their exit and point to both Justin and to Rocky before pointing back to themselves indicating they still have to answer to them sooner rather than later as we fade to the REBEL Pro logo and out…

*****QUICK RESULTS*****

Bobby Lee defeats Jimmy Henderson, following an invasion force of Gray Aliens from the Zeti Reticuli star cluster.
Virgil Keenan defeats Loren Chill, and thus Chill remains the CJ Champion. We guess.
Jaice Wilds defeats Mikey Massacre in a major upset, and Mikey bashes things and people.
Jamie Flynn defeats J.T. Whiplash and somewhere someone shit their pants. We imagine.
Violet Harper defeats Legion because staring at her ass, how can we be miserable?
Hardcore Entertainment defeats Case Filed Rockets, and Style Clash puts everyone on notice.