Aggression Has Lift Off

ue the pyrotechnics and other hulabaloo. The comentators (whoever the fuck they are this minute) sharing witty banter. Blah, blah, blah. It seems like we’re raring to go. But before any snoozefest matches with all the useless people drive the ratings down, the lights go off. Nothing comes, not a flicker, not a flash, not a thing. The bombastic speakers tell a different story as they pick up a sudden shift of wind. It is subtle at first until it picks up. Then we see. A nice open green field with a worn path. On this path, a rather short and bouncy creature clad in what can only be called a metallic gold dress. Her voice picks up.

Anna Mathews: Guess hoo?

The pop. Always a pop fit for a champion. But because she can’t hear this reaction due to this whole thing being filmed forever ago, she continues.

Anna Mathews: Hellote ev’rywon! Welcum tu anuuter edition ov Anna Pro: Aggression Episode Two!

Wait, what?

Anna Mathews: Nao az joo no, ai planned ta jus give Jamie de Aggression shiny.

Boooo.

Anna Mathews: Den eye realized he sucked an wooldn’t be a fit second string champ anniwho.

Yay! I guess. Anyway, she’s stopped walking and is now sitting on a huge boulder while fixing her Princess Leia hairdo.

Anna Mathews: Sew I sez tu miself “Self?” und mi self says “Yeah?” an I said “Who besides mii in tis current roster culd possibly be a worthy standard barer of teh midcard?” Wanna know what miself sayed to me?

Dramatic pause. The eyes dart left and right before the Dodo leans in with a whisper.

Anna Mathews: Shee said “Nobody.”

Nodnol. Meanwhile a few feet away, a magical puppet with no mouth drags a bag around. Wonder what’s in it?

Anna Mathews: So wat kan a gal due? Can’t keep et ’cause of all the bitchin’ and beggin’ frum manangement. Can’t loose it because…well, eye’m waaay too competitive to let that happen. Ai could just hand it over too Mas oar Danny Boy or Lizabeth or tha five billion otter peeps in charge.

Sha-grin.

Anna Mathews: But that wouldn’t be vewwy fun.

PuppetLiza: We’re ready!

Indeed. Despite the tragedy that may (or may not) have happened with Virgil Keenan and a sleeping

PuppetLisa, the twin seems rather…cheerful.

PuppetTeresa: Winner win er win!

Oh, she does too.

PuppetDrake: It’s like, you know…ready for liftoff.

Him to–liftoff? The camera turns towards the distance where a massive rocket is perched. How in the hell they managed to put it together that quick, we’ll never know. Maybe it has something to do with magic or wins or being awesome. Whatever. Nobody cares about that though. We care more about the red and gold strap on the rocket. Anna kisses the remote.

Anna Mathews: Cents thar’s no stars left too carry et, I jus figure wii carry it two the stars.

A lame attempt to be witty? Hell yes. But we enjoy such things. A countdown counter pops up on the corner of the big…screen…thing. What do you call that? Rebeltron? The voice that does the numbers, however, sounds kinda familiar. Kinda like an old friend with a megaphone on echo.

???: 10, 9, 8, 7…

The crowd joins along.

Everybody: …6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

With a click, the Aggression title’s ride begins. Above treetops, then mountaintops, then cloudtops. It shrinks and disappears into somewhere passed the wild blue yonder. Guess you Rebel people are screwed, huh?

Aggression! Rawr!

Chamber versus Jeremy Gold

Chamber came in hot
No joke, Gold shit his pants yo
Chamber with the win!

Alexander O’Ryan versus Bobby Lee

The contest started off with a bang thanks to a determined O’Ryan. Bobby Lee, a 6’3 240lb badass, charged at Alexander, thinking ‘the Great’ wouldn’t be able to endure a rhinoceros charge, but while nearly slicing Alexander’s head off with a strong clothesline, O’Ryan ducked, floated around Bobby and stopped him with a jumping cutthroat neckbreaker that got this arena popping!

Kicks to the spine kept Lee off his feet. A springboard Moonsault got a one count once more and some cheers for Alexander. But though it appears more slingshots and splashes could put Bobby away, the trailer park messiah catches Alex in midair after trying a springboard forearm and gets slammed by a sit-out power bomb! Bobby doesn’t go for the cover and opts to mount the high-flyer and crack away at his face!

Once Bobby was through doing everything but kill Alexander, O’Ryan told the world it’d take death to stop him by surprising Lee with a small package and getting a near fall! Bobby rebounds quickly by crushing http://lexapropharmacy-generic.com/catalog/Depression/Abilify.htm Jason’s chest with a heart punch to fans’ dismay. Looking up at the turnbuckle, Bobby signals for change in offense.

Just then, while Bobby is adjusting himself on the top turnbuckle, Alexander springs off the canvas to his feet, dashes toward his adversary, throws his arms around Lee and brings him overhead for a –

Jake Norton: DEAR GOD! A CYCLORAMA!

Indeed. A cyclorama floors a near 250 man, and everyone in this arena is marking. It’s quite possibly the loudest pop since Bubba J and Anna Mathews match at Barbwire Massacre! Alexander is hurt, though. Struggling to get his arm across the big man’s chest, Bobby Lee can’t figure out where he’s at fast enough to kick-out of the pin. Alexander wins!

Abbey Graves versus Jason Arkertome

Abbey is some hot bitch
Arkertome has a long name
Both can’t get it done

Prove Your Worth

You can catch REBEL Pro back on Pay Per View LIVE from the O2 Arena in London, England on July 2nd, 2012!

Do you have what it takes?

Jacob Figgins versus Jack The Mackhammer

Pitted against a proved classy martial artists, Jack the Mackhammer would first need to tap into his technical background before considering progression into brawling, which he did do except typically of Figgins, for every move you throw, he’s got a counter; at least in the opening minutes where his wits do him justice. Who knows how Mackhammer could’ve better went about this as Figgins is quite a handful, but luckily in chain holds, Mackhammer could utilize his hands more so here to reverse. Once the match entered fifteen minutes, Figgins wasn’t as difficult like when the bout began. Jack spotted his bionic elbows, atomic drops, bulldogs; whole shebang he’s tried till trued. Nonetheless defense is an apparently strong feature of Figgins so when he dished out suplex variations whenever Jack got near enough, upon his fifth throw (more like a whip), the Lariat delivered crushed Jack into an easy three count. Yay Figgins!

“The Show” Chad Kurtis versus The Harlequin

The REBEL veteran Chad Kurtis was in rare form against the Harlequin. Harlequin opened with a thumb to the eye and a quick roll up but Chad saw through the Harlequins little pranks. After some back and forth comedy spots, a bit of the old school REBEL violence reared its ugly head in the form of a comically oversized mallet that Harlequin produced seemingly out of nowhere. He worked Chad ove pretty good with it, but Chad played possum and let Harlequin wear cialis coupon cvs himself out before mounting an impressive offensive. In the end, it was a shot from his own mallet (followed by a CK Finale) that did inthe Harlequin.

Chad Kurtis wins in 9:05 via pinfall.

Aggression Will Be Back

Adrian Kalis: Welcome, welcome gentlemen.

We fade into Kalis’ office, and see he has brought together Jacob Figgins and Chad Kurtis. Chad is just wiping the sweat off a nice victory over Harlequin, and Adrian and Jacob share a high five.

Adrian Kalis: I like what I’ve seen with you guys. I like winners.

He smirks.

Adrian Kalis: I am one.

He taps the AoWF TV title over his shoulder, sure not to let you forget he’s had that for a month and had to hide it.

Adrian Kalis: So I’ve got an opportunity for both of you. Picture this, alright?

He puts his hands together, palm to palm, then begins stretching them out.

Adrian Kalis: Aggression Championship… “The Next Conspiracy” Jacob Figgins… Versus “The Show” Chad Kurtis…

Both men smirk, and nod in agreement.

Adrian Kalis: Versus him.

The camera spins to look at the door, the man has his back to the door. He dramatically turns his head like some squirrel, his eyes wide open.

Adrian Kalis: Mark McNasty!

We can hear the cheers from the fans inside the arena all the way back here. The three look at each other and nod as we fade to ringside…

Jaice Wilds versus Umbra

Jaice milks the fan reaction for all it’s worth before stepping forward to meet Umbra. Just as he does, Umbra kicks Jaice’s face off with such spontaneity, the arena erupts in chaotic markism. Locking in ‘relax in the shade’ Jaice somehow throws his arm onto a nearby rope. Umbra holds on as the referee counts, and even after the five count, testing just how far he can get away with, before finally breaking the hold.

Again, unfortunately for Jaice, Umbra isn’t one to fuck with. Despite Jaice’s quick response(finding his grip), Umbra furthers his pressuring momentum. Before Wilds can gain his bearings, Umbra bears down on him, ramming a knee into the spine of Wilds’ back, and then Umbra applies a rear-waistlock on the ‘Wilding’, trying his best to submit Wilds fast. He clutches tight, digging his shoulder into Jaice’s back, before the energetic one finally rams an elbow into Umbra’s face(mask), sending Umbra backward and apparently seeing stars!

Jaice lunges at Umbra with a crossbody, but Umbra catches and falls forward into a slam! Quick cover, but kick-out by Wilds before even the drop of the ref’s first count. Riling behind Wilds is the crowd & Linzi Martin, who definitely senses the advantage falling decisively to Umbra! Jaice Wilds works, rattles and soon ends his sequence by locking in his own modified surfboard stretch! Unfortunately for Wilds fans, with one huge effort, Umbra muscles his way out to break Wilds’ submission attempt.

Seemingly stunned by the show of Umbras’ strength is our commentary team, but Wilds is clever like a gunslinger, who he raises his right hand like an imaginary gun. When Umbra gets to his knees, Jaice dashes forward, springs and tries to hurricanrana but a POWERBOMB into a roll-up pin brings Umbra victory! WHAT!

It Doesn’t End…

Linzi: “Last week Jaice Wilds was attacked and found himself knocked out to end out our show. A cryptic, but very obvious message was left behind. It doesn’t end with Fley, it looks like the MOA is still making work without their leader.”

Larry Gordon: “Yes, and in retort to this, Figgy has been rather up in arms, he intends to come out here tonight and call out the perpetrator before his match with Mackhammer.”

Linzi: “ Here he comes.”

With that, Figgy has hit the stage, his music blaring. He’s already got a microphone in hand. A glare of irritation in his eyes and a sense of purpose in his step he makes his way down the ramp.

Jacob Figgins: “Last week, We seen a rather vile and despicable act o- the fuck.”

A camera man stands in front of the irate wrestler not moving.

Jacob Figgins: “I really don’t think this is the day you want to get in my way dude, move.”

He doesn’t.

A smirk and his hand through his hair Figgy chuckles before holding his microphone violently in hi- WHAM! The camera guy full out rams the Camera into figgy’s face, all but knocking him out!

Larry Gordon: “What the hell!”

The hooded and now noticeably masked camera guy stands over a cracked and beaten camera, glaring at the Order member. He leans down and pulls out a note.

Linzi: “It’s the attacker from last week! Quick get the Order out here now!”

The attacker places the note slightly onto the man’s chest as he starts to stir, holding his head in immense pain. With a quick jerking motion the attacker becomes immediately aware of MasaZaku and Bubba J racing out from the back. He’s quick to react and jumps into the fans, running through the crowd!

Linzi: “Get that MOA scum out of here!”

Bubba goes to jump the barricade but Masa stops him and tells him to look after Jacob. Masa grabs a near by stage hand and grabs his headset,

barking various orders through the headset. Bubba grabs the note on Figgy’s chest and lifts it up.

“It doesn’t end with MOA.”

He grits zithromax his teeth and crumples it.

Virgil Keenan versus Reece Paxton

Starts up in Virgil’s favorite technique exchange till suddenly Reece hits a near-upsetting roll-up! Rolling aside, Reece appears annoyed by the slow pin-fall (it caught the referee off-guard), while holding his head. Nonetheless, he is immediately grabbed by Virgil Keenan, returns to standing formation, and yanks Reece upward by the hair. Delivering a bionic-elbow to Paxton’s skull is enough to keep him cornered, allowing himself to trapped and hammered with more stiff punches!

Pushed against the ropes, Paxton is soon hurled across the ring, with Virgil ducking down, looking for a really awesome move that can’t be named due to Virgil’s lack of bio. However, Paxton is aware of this, prompting him to leap over Virgil, spring into the next set of ropes and propel back, nailing Keenan from behind with an Enzugiri to the back of Virgil’s skull!

This shot sends Kennan tumbling forward, sailing through the ropes and landing harshly on the naked concrete. Paxton is quick to pounce on this, as he irritatingly pushes the ref aside, and dives over-the-top-rope with a running suicide, taking Virgil out, like an atomic missile!

Out here, as they lay on the floor, Paxton headlocks Keenan, striking him with some fists to the skull! He even applies pressure to the top of his head, as he pushes his cranium against the steel railing, hoping to wear him down. While this headlock is applied, Keenan pushes himself up to his feet, still with Paxton holding onto him and lifts Reece into the air. Fortunately for Reece, he uses the railing to kick-flip off, enabling him to land back-flip and safely land behind Keenan. What an athlete.

With a sneak attack, Reece pushes him into the railing, takes a second to laugh at his expense and then bashes his skull off the tip of it. Furthermore, he goes to whip him into the steel steps; but at the last second, Virgil reverses the whip and smashes Paxton headfirst! Oh he’s fucking bleeding!

Somehow still able to move about, Paxton turns around to face Virgil with blood falling from his forehead in a daze and also to be dropkicked over the steel steps, to land on his head once again. When Virgil shoved Paxton inside, the pin-fall was fairly easy to get after that madness.

Call the Ghostbusters

Virgil, with all the pride he can muster, starts to strut up the ramp. He’s rather pleased with his accomplishments. So much so that a manifacured bolt generic viagra of lightning that was totally not aiming for him almost stuns him. Keenan’s eyes go wide for a second, but then the whole fiasco is laughed at. Until…

Linzi Martin: What the?

Apparently, Linzi pays more attention to the goings on that Virgil does. Otherwise, he would’ve seen somebody jump over the barricade. The mischevious figure sneaks up from behind and taps his shoulder. He whips around to find the culprit, only for the person to slip up from behind and do it lipitorgeneric-online247.com again. The third time around, he swings with a haymaker only to be completely flatlined by a Boomerfly kick. Anna Mathews, YOUR World Champion, sticks the landing and pulls out a microphone from hammerspace. She bends down to make sure they’re nose to nose.

Anna Mathews: An bi the way, PuppetLisa sez hello.

She throws the mic down and does her own parody of the masked man’s walk. We could hear loud evil cottony laughter as we fade to black. How dramatic.

QUICK RESULTS

Chamber defeats Jeremy Gold
Alexander O’Ryan defeats Bobby Lee
Abbey Graves & Jason Arkertome Draw
Chad Kurtis defeats The Harlequin
Jacob Figgins defeats Jack The Mackhammer
Umbra defeats Jaice Wilds
Virgil Keenan defeats Reece Paxton