You Ain’t A Dale

“You Ain’t A Dale”

“Ride Through the Country” plays on a cell phone, the vibrating phone bouncing lightly over a table as Dale prepares for his match later that night. A scarred hand reaches out, the wrists already taped up for the match when the gruff voice answers.

“Yeah!”

He waits.

“Sure, I’m in my room.”

A nod.

“Sure.”

He hangs up, a confused look on his face when Jethro knocks on the door and opens it up on Dale’s invitation.

Jethro: “Hey man, you ready?”

Dale shrugs his shoulders, finishing the taping of his right wrist.

Dale: “I reckon so, will be good to keep walking past when someone hollers Dale.”

He and Jethro slap five.

Dale: “What is it man?”

Jethro sits down, holding a piece of paper in his hands.

Jethro: “Know how Engel was my partner.”

Dale nods.

Jethro: “Know how we won that #1 Contenders match?”

Dale once again nods.

Jethro: “And know how he just up and disappeared and no word?”

Dale nods, finishing up the taping.

Dale: “Yeah, and you asked me to be your tag partner or else the shot was forfeit. Whats your point Thro?”

Jethro sighs.

Jethro: “I’m done with Tag Team wrestling man, I don’t want to settle for a second best.”

He holds out a hand.

Jethro: “Not that you aren’t good, but Engel and me just had chemistry.”

Dale laughs.

Dale: “No offense man, you two were the best I’ve ever come across. I can understand, but the question is, where does this leave me now?”

Jethro hands over the piece of paper.

Jethro: “Here is the contract, find yourself a partner and you get the shot. I’ve talked to Simon and well, he agrees.”

Dale looks over at Jethro.

Dale: “What about you competing here in Rebel Pro?”

Jethro smiles.

Jethro: “Any time I’m booked, this big redneck will kick some ass.”

Dale: “Even Matt Stone’s?”

They laugh.

Jethro: “He has had my number recently, but notice that he ran away after our match.”

They both nod again. They slap hands together again and shake at the end.

Dale: “I hate it man, but understand at the same time.”

Jethro stands up.

Jethro: “Got any ideas yet?”

Dale shakes his head, but a smile is on his face.

Dale: “If Vincent was still here, sure, but I might have a thought or two in my scarred head.”

Again a laugh and as Jethro is exiting the room, he turns back.

Jethro: “Go out there and win tonight man, you just ain’t a Dale Petty.”

Laughter fades as we fade.

Reece “The Coyote” Paxton versus Mystery Man?

Linzi Martin: Welcome to Aggression!

Larry Gordon: It looks like this week Reece Paxton will be using the ramp to get to the ring like everyone else.

Reece walks out from the back. He has a very uncomfortable look on his face as he marches to the ring. He looks out to the Rebel Pro fans who boo even louder as he looks their direction. Reece just waves it off before reaching the ring apron. He jumps up and goes in through the middle rope. Without wasting a second, he marches to the corner and demands a mic. As his music dies down, Reece speaks.

Paxton: You see this? Do you people see the shit I have to put up with??? Not back one solid week, and already I have a “Mystery Opponent.”

Reece emphasizes the phrase with his fingers. He looks very frustrated as he talks.

Paxton: But the funny thing is, whoever this opponent is, it doesn’t matter. I don’t care if it’s Bobby Lee or The Phoenix himself. When I came back to Rebel, I brought an unmatched fury with me. So whoever my opponent is, I suggest you enjoy your walk to the ring. Because when I’m done with you, walking will be something you’ll only be able to day dream about doing again.

Larry Gordon: That little bastard’s ego is still just as unchecked and undeserved as ever.

Paxton: Come on! I’m waiting! Get out here!

“Let’s get rocked” by Def Leppard begins to play over the loud speakers. The fans don’t know what to do as Alex Wilkie walks out. Wilkie is wearing baggy pants, and a t-shirt. Mean while, we flash to Paxton laughing in the ring. He looks like he could shed tears from laughing so hard.

Paxton: This is a joke right? Didn’t I bust you up enough last week? What are you doing man? If you want beat up this bad, you still have my number. I’ll make a house call to kick your ass!

Wilkie looks less than amused as he begins walking down to the ring. He rolls in under the bottom rope, and uses the ropes to pull himself up.

Wilkie: Alright, calm down now. As much as that twinkle in your eye tells me you’d enjoy kicking me around way too much, well…I hate to burst your bubble; but I’m not your opponent.

Linzi Martin: Say what?

Larry Gordon: Then why is Wilkie out here?

Paxton stops laughing. A confused look turns to anger.

Paxton: So what then? Did you come out to get the jump on me before my match? A little revenge for last week?

Wilkie: Jesus Reece. Calm down. If you keep stressing like this you may shit yourself from IBS. I’m guessing our buddy Larry over there wouldn’t enjoy having to buy another ring canvas.

Larry Gordon: Thank you Alex.

Alex smiles as nods as he sees Larry speak.

Wilkie: But the truth be told, I’m as in the dark as you are. I received word I should come to the ring. Low and behold, your match was about to happen.

Linzi Martin: This still makes no sense. What is going on.

The lights dim.

Larry Gordon: I guess we’re about to find out.

“Around the Stars” by Mercy Drive begins to play. The lights slowly rise on the entrance under the Rebel Tron, and as the music crescendos, out from the back walks a man. He stops at the top of the ramp to look out at the fans who don’t know how to receive him The tall and tan man has a shaved head that shines in the light.

Linzi Martin: Larry, I’m not getting anything. Who is this guy?

Larry Gordon: Hell if I know. Must be one of the ass holes Kalis hired.

The man begins marching with a purpose down to the ring. Paxton looks riled up as Wilkie just keeps looking. The man reaches the ring, rolls in, and goes to the corner. He raises an arm as he looks out at the fans.

Linzi Martin: All we can really tell is that he’s wearing black pants, a black coat, and black sun glasses.

Larry Gordon: Maybe he’s a vampire. They seem to be the trend nowadays.

The man hops down and stares at Paxton. Paxton raises the mic.

Paxton: Well mystery man….seems we need something to call you. I think it should be “My Bitch.”

Paxton drops the mic and rushes the man, but he ducks under the arm. As Paxton bounces into the ropes, the man drills him from behind with a forearm to the head.

Larry Gordon: Who is this guy?

Linzi Martin:…How is that for a clue?

In the ring, the man parts his coat. Underneath is the AOWF King of Extreme title. In an instant, the fans are chanting, “NAS-TY!” “NAS-TY!” Wilkie rolls back in and gives a smile to Mark McNasty. The two turn their attention to Paxton who looks to leave in a rush. However, they dive out of the ring, and block his exit. As McNasty and Wilkie walk towards Paxton, he turns and looks over his shoulder, before attempting to vault the rail. However, the fans push him back over. As Paxton lands on his back, the arena bursts into laughter.

Larry Gordon: Seems the fans want to see what Reece has coming to him.

McNasty and Wilkie continue closing in on Reece as he stands, and runs to another section of gate. As he jumps over, the fans make a wall in front of him. He tries to go around them, but more block him. Reece huffs and jumps back towards the ring. McNasty and Wilkie just shake their heads as they stalk him around the ring. Reece tries one more time, but the fans push him back. Finally, Reece turns, and with the entrance ramp to his back, he begins backing up the ramp. Reece is almost foaming as he spits venom at McNasty and Wilkie. As he gets to the back, McNasty and Wilkie look out to the crowd. “GRADE-A-NAS-TY!” “GRADE-A-NAS-TY!” They look at each other, and roll into the ring. After getting a set of mics, Wilkie begins to talk.

Wilkie: Hey Mark.

Cheesey pop from the crowd.

McNasty: Hey Wilkie.

Another pop.

Wilkie: What brings you to this neck of the woods?

McNasty: Well, ya see Alex, I saw what that little prick did to you last week; the way he talked to you. And it just didn’t sit right with me. I figured it’s been too long since someone reminded him of his place. Oh say like, on his back looking at the lights for three seconds. You know…where I left him last time I was in the ring with him.

The crowd begins cheering.

McNasty: And speaking of where things left off; I believe we were a dominating tag team before you left me high and dry here in Rebel last time.

Wilkie looks down and kicks at the mat.

Wilkie: Mark, we both know I wanted to pursue other things. But um, surprise, I’m back. And I learned something while I was gone.

Quick laugh between the two.

McNasty: What’s that?

Wilkie: That we only get better with age…like fine wine.

McNasty smirks as he rubs his chin.

McNasty: You know what? I like that. You know, Grade A Nastyness was fun, but I’ve always said what better way to go out than on top. Grade A Nastyness had a damn good run last time. And I’d hate to spoil that. So folks, you’re hearing it first. Grade A Nastyness has officially retired. Say hello to “Fine Wine.”

“Around the Stars” by Mercy Drive begins to play again as Wilkie and McNasty chat in the ring.

Linzi Martin: And just like that, we not only have the return of former Aggression champion Mark McNasty, but the return of former Rebel Pro Tag champions Mark McNasty and Alex Wilkie.

Larry Gordon: Except now instead of going by some hokey cliche team name, they’ve opted for the less cliche, more hokey name of Fine Wine. And just like real wine, it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

We pan back to Wilkie and McNasty, stopping at the top of the ramp, holding their arms up as the fans cheer.

iWrestle

A shitty iPhone camera is turned on. Not sure who’s holding it, but Tony Edison and Erik Loomis are in front of it.

Voice: And we’re good.

Edison: Alright! Look here bitches, we’re the Uproars, and we have come to fuck shit up in REBEL Pro! Erik Loomis is a machine, and with the Man Gravity Forgot, yours truly, Tony Edison, we are fucking unstoppable!

Loomis: …the fuck are you ranting about? This is pointless.

Edison: Shut up and talk shit. God your promos suck. Anyway, the sun has risen over REBEL now that there are some true professionals here. The best of the best in UX have shown up, including my beautiful face. So you bitches need to get ready!

Loomis: Golden Inferno, we’re talking to you! We’re gonna put the beat down on your asses so bad…(Edison chimes in with a “Sooo baaaad”) that you aren’t gonna shit right for a week. So get ready, because its on the way. The Northeast Beast goes easy on nobody.

Edison: Actually, did you guys name your team after what your moms told me they named my junk? Or is it just a strange coincidence that we share the name? It’s not important, because motherfuckers, we are done being those “great guys” who are only mediocre wrestlers. We are working out, getting our intense pump going, and we are ready to kick some REBEL ass!

Loomis: So get ready, because when we start, there is no stopping us!

Edison: Gold, Inferno…see you in the ring.

The two high five.

Edison: Now turn the camera off…

Voice: How?

Edison: The same way you turned it on….the big red button…you’re fucking st–

The scene cuts to black.

Tag Team Match!

The Uproars versus Golden Inferno

The Uproars, Tony Edison and Erik Loomis received a huge pop when they made their entrance with clearly many UX marks in the crowd tonight. Golden Inferno also received a good bit of cheers, but perhaps only out of pity and amusement at their constant folly rather than for their skill inside the ring. Erik Loomis and Inferno start off the battle with Inferno immediately attempting to set fire to Loomis with a bottle of Axe body spray and a lighter, using the combination as a flamethrower which does have the crowd up on their feet and cheering. Loomis dodging the flames by pushing himself back and back. Meanwhile, given REBEL Pro’s tornado tag team rules Tony Edison is attempting to track Jeremy Gold outside the ring. However Gold is running in circles around the ring, screaming like a girl with Bieber fever as he tries to stay far away from Tony Edison. Finally Edison spins, turning around to run in the direction Jeremy Gold is running away from him with and then clotheslines Jeremy Gold to the ground. He begins stomping Gold down but Gold rolls under the ring to avoid further damage. Loomis is inside the ring and so, Inferno as he usually does, sets HIMSELF on fire this time and runs at Loomis screaming. He tackles Loomis to the canvas and holds on, burning both Loomis and himself but Edison is back in the ring and bounces off the ropes and hits an elbow drop onto the back of Inferno’s head. Inferno rolls off of Loomis who gets helped to his feet by his tag partner Tony. Both men quickly begin stomping down on Inferno to put out the fire. Loomis lifts Inferno up onto his shoulders as Edison gets onto the top rope and they complete their patented finisher the Eastern Execution! The crowd is on their feet! Loomis covers!

1!

2!!

3!!!

DING DING DING

As The Uproars have their arms raised in the air, Jeremy Gold slides out from under the ring holding his wet crotch as he clearly pissed himself. He runs away screaming and crying, with the Uproars victorious.

Killing The Franchise

The trumpet’s sound off as the beginning to Kanye West’s “All Of The Lights” takes up the PA system and out walks “The Franchise Killer” himself, “The Chosen One” Justin Case. His manager “The Wiz” walks beside him as they make their way to the ring.

Larry

Gordon: What the heck is he out here for?

Linzi Martin: beats me, but if it involves Justin Case, it can’t be good.

Case takes center stage inside the Aggression squared circle as his music dies off.

He motions for a mic in hand.

The REBEL PRO audience boo loudly.

Justin Case: You all make me laugh. How pathetic each and every one of you are. It amazes me how you all had the IQ level to get into the arena in the first place.

“TCO” and The Wiz share a laugh

Justin Case: But Im not out here for your ammusement. Sorry to burst your bubble but I have less important stuff to talk about right now. That being “The Eternal Annoyance” motor mouth of motown, Jonathan Cage.

Cheers run through out the arena. A chant of Jon-a-than echos the walls.

Justin Case: Chant all you want but this here is my time.

Case smiles

Justin Case: When I think of Jonathan Cage, one thing comes to mind. Who in the hell is that?! Like seriously, Ive been in the AOWF a long time now, and not once have I ever heard of this tattoo’d face painted 6 foot toothpick. Apparently his legacy speaks for itself. He doesnt have one.

Case paces the ring and continues.

Justin Case: But obviously I took a look at the roster section on the REBEL PRO website, and now I know him all too well. You see, when you have been doing this as long as I have, you dont need to know someone to know someone. If you know what I mean. You see, no one plays this game better than yours truly. So when a wet eared Underground X wannabe comes back to a fed he left almost ten years ago, you can say something’s never change.

Case stops and stares into the camera.

Justin Case: Yeah boy, Im talkin to you! You think you can come back to the AOWF and that you can immediately make an impact before going through Legendary Legacary?! Boy, I have eaten better men than you for dinner! And for dessert, I just have this to say.

“The Chosen One” looks off into the crowd.

Justin Case: Yeah, I can see that “I love Cage” sign. You better thank your lucky stars you aint in the front row, because I’d straight murder your ass!

Larry Gordon: Bold words from LL

Linzi Martin: Bold words for a loser more like it.

Case looks to the camera upon him inside the ring.

Justin Case: You see, it goes without saying that this isnt your first rodeo. However, Cage, you arent in kansas anymore. Meaning, as of now, you’re not within the realm of your familiar settings. No longer are you in CWF, XWE, eWo, or even the OWC. Those feds have long past you by. And now you think you can show up out of no where and pick up where you left off some 9 years ago?! You are in the big leagues little boy! But dont get me wrong, I hate REBEL PRO with a passion. And my passion runs deep as I still think of myself as the true franchise killer. However, you are now in MY backyard! Where not only I have held the tag team titles with a PWA World Champion, in Emily Corlen, along side the REBEL PRO Tag Team Titles, you are looking at a man who is a World Champion 2 times over. Im talking about this federation, MY federation, and a federation I have succeeded in achieving things you can only dream of, kid!

Boos egnite

Justin Case: So if you want to go eye for an eye, toe to toe with the best in this business, you need not look any further. The fact remains Cage, I am the best wrestler you are ever going to face in your pathetic career, period! And if you want to come out and talk about all the bullshit federations you have succeeded in the past. I am here to tell you, you dont know what true success is until you can defeat yours truly! And by coming out tonight I am now calling your ass out for a fight!

Larry Gordon: You done did it now.

Linzi Martin: oh please, spare me the BS.

Justin Case: So come at me with whatever you got, but your little old accolades dont mean jack in the AOWF! This is MY territory! So you best watch your step before I throw your ass out the door and send you back to where you came from, because I have spent years perfecting my craft here in the AOWF. And as the REBEL PRO franchise killer, you are going to be just a fork in the road that is my path to destiny. A destiny that is to finish what I started, and I wont stop until yours truly is REBEL PRO World Heavyweight http://cialisonline-cheapstore.com/ Champion! “The Choice” is yours. But when its all said and done, no one can defeat “The Chosen One”.

Case stares into the lens.

Justin Case: People from far and wide all know what you, Jonathan Cage, have yet to realize……

Justin Case U didnt know, I rule this f*cking show!!!

“The Chosen One” stands his ground.

Justin Case: Now come on out and get your ass handed to you on a fat ass platter! You asked for it, and so now you will get what is coming to you. You need to learn a lesson or two. And the first lesson is, I mop the ring with you!

Larry Gordon: This should be good!

Linzi Martin: Finally we agree on something.

Case gets ready for some REBEL PRO action!

Rebound For A Win Match!

Justin Case versus Jonathan Cage

Cage and Case both seem to get no love from the crowd as they enter the ring. Case stands just an inch short than Cage and isn’t afraid to stand right up in Cage’s face to let him know what he thinks of him. Cage with a swift elbow cracks Case across the head, Case rebounds and takes Cage down quickly with an implant DDT that shakes the ring. Case in complete control, Cage seems almost as if he didn’t show up tonight. Case lifts Cage up and cracks him a few times across the face before whipping him into the ropes and then catching him and taking him down with a Fishermans Suplex. Case does not relent as he attempts to lock in the Snap or Tap! BUT Cage gets away on all fours, before Case can lock it up. Cage back up and he catches a charging TCO, taking him down with a spinning backbreaker. Case is up, and Cage goes for an inverted DDT but Case pushes himself free and out of no where hits Just 2 Talented!!! The crowd boos heavily as Case pins!

1!

2!!

3!!!

DING DING DING

Case has his hand raised, soaking in the boos but with a huge smile on his face having defeated the last eWo World Champion.

Out Of The Blocks

The following footage was recorded by a fan earlier during the week and posted on YouTube.

???:
– it out it really is him.

The blurry phone footage shakes for a momentum before coming to a still on what looks to be a homeless man asleep in a flower bed and holding a traffic cone. Two teens then enter from the picture before one of them pokes at the body with a stick which gets a grunt in return for his efforts.

Teen one:
No way man, he is a professional athlete. There is no way in hell he would be passed out in a park.

Camera operator:
I’m telling you tadalafil generico precio mexico man it is. Wake him up and you will see.

The first teen shakes his head but the second, who holds the poking stick of power, seems more open to this and once again gives the body a stiff poke. Another grunt is not a good enough response it would seem as the teen now gives the passed out body a solid whack which results in the man letting out a yelp of pain before shooting up into a sitting position.

Macca:
My fucking ribs cunt… and head… fuuuuuck. What the fuck was that?

Yes indeed ladies and gentlemen, to everyone’s great surprise (not really) the body turns out to be former UX turned REBEL star, Macca. Holding his traffic cone like a safety blanket, Macca turns to glare at the three young men but instead delivers a comical squint as the harsh beating rays of the sun (again he is drunk, it was overcast at best) enter his eyes.

Macca:
The fuck are you cunts doing in my house?

The camera begins to shake as the three boys burst into laughter at the hung over man.

Teen two:
This is a park moron.

Macca:
Whatever. I just needed any place out of the way to bang this slut I picked up.

Macca doesn’t seem to understand why the men begin to laugh once more as he lifts the traffic cone up to show them his ‘slut’. Deciding it’s time to move, Macca attempts to get to his feet before falling on his ass. It takes another three efforts before his onlookers are kind enough to give him a hand up to his feet.

Macca:
I need a beer. Have to drink myself sober.

The foursome begin to walk with Macca directing where they are heading (though he probably has no idea himself).

Teen two:
So you work for REBEL now huh?

A grunt is the reply.

Teen Two:
What’s it like being a wrestler?

Macca:
I get to smack cunts around and afterwards get a pay check instead of a summons. It’s pretty shit hot.

Camera operator:
What do you plan to do in your match this week?

A grin makes its way onto his face as Macca turns to face the man holding the phone.

Macca:
I plan to fuck Petty so hard that he will feel like a two dollar whore once I am done.

Teen one:
You faced Bubba J last week dick head! Your facing Jake Norton and Marvin Wood this week.

A small sound of recognition comes from Macca as he pauses a moment to ponder the fuck out of this mighty question.

Macca:
This week I plan to steam roll some cunts and keep my momentum up from my big win last week.

A pause

Macca:
I did win last week right?

Teen one:
Yes.

Macca:
Bonus. Jake, I know a few things about Jake or at least I thought I did. The Norton that used to be my brother under the father figure that was Bad Man is very different to the one that is in REBEL. I knew all about him and he knew all about me, now it seems that only half of that sentence is true. Honestly I’m looking forward to facing off against him, see what the real Norton is all about. Despite the history I still plan to pound his ass like a Bruce, the mighty shower scene though. I doubt he would have it any other way.

A hand snakes its way down the front of Macca’s pants for a scratch as he continues to walk and talk. The cunt really seems to be going for it. Is he digging for gold or something?

Macca:
As for Marvin Wood, surprisingly enough I seem to remember him from his fifteen second long tenure in UX also, and unlike Norton, Marvin has not changed at all. He will try and impress you, make you think he is a bigger deal than he really is. He will probably even throw in some big words to impress you like concordantly and hippopotamus. You probably won’t even understand what he is saying because of these big words and that’s just how old Marv wants it. He wants you confused so that you won’t know what he is hiding. And what is it he is hiding you ask?

None of them did FYI

Macca:
He is hiding the fact that he could not hold a candle to anyone in this company in the ring. He wants to make himself appear superior in intellect so that you will fail to notice his shortcomings in the physical ability. I once claimed to be above a title belt, same as old Marv did a few weeks ago. You know what the difference is? I actually threw mine away, not let myself get pinned in the middle of the ring to make my argument null and void. That does nothing to prove your superiority, that just proves you’re a dumb cunt.

Macca gets on up in the camera phones grill. I think he is trying to be serious and intimidating but unfortunately he is a bit too close and all that can be seen is the bottom half of his face.

Macca:
Comes the end of this week when I enter the ring Norton and Wood will be just like your shoes my friend.

And with that Macca topples forward and empties the contents of his stomach all over the unsuspecting mans shoes. He leaps back before letting out a shout of disgust as do his friends.

Teen two:
What the hell man?

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Camera operator:
My shoes! They’re fucked! They’re absolutely fucked!

The shit eating smirk that fans of Macca have come to know and love makes its way onto the cunsters face as he replies.

Macca:
Exactly! Cheers that, cunts!

And with the sound of angry teenagers the screen cuts to black.

To The World IV

In-between commercial breaks can be hideously boring, especially at a LIVE REBEL Pro event. Not necessarily being a bad thing, this speaks for the level of quality REBEL outputs now: some fans yearn to intake more of this violent eye-candy, like drug addicts; the “I’ll suck your dick!” type. Chants of “feed us more!” in the vein of infringing Ryberg, steadily climbs out from an intensifying amount of voices, to the point of volume cranked comparably with those terroristic, jailed Asians from The Dark Knight Rises (Deshi Basara!)

To answer this call of need, yippee flutes and soaring violins charge forth from the arena’s sound system, drenching fans with cancerous solution. A shirtless, orange spandex wearing, bed-hair messy, lazy-eyed, average British teeth, nevertheless incongruously charismatic, Jake Norton leaps out of the black logo curtain that separates ringside from backstage, rolls down the ramp like sonic the hedgehog, but upon arrival to the apron, this oddball springs off the concrete from a handstand position and safely lands on the apron, with his back against and arms laid on the ropes, smugly.

Strutting across the apron whilst fans applaud him, Norton ascends the corner turnbuckles, beats his chest twice and shoots his fist skyward like a Disney firework, with the explosion being a repugnant smile capable of unseating Macca’s own. Rushing around the corner is a ringside crew member who’s likely been told by management to quickly equip Norton with a microphone, despite Norton not requesting for one, as cheap viagra evident by his confused expression. Accepting it anyway, Norton delays its usage to give a section of tonight’s audience a solid look over.

Jake Norton: “You guys want me to cut a promo?”

Fans: “Yeah!”

Jake Norton: “Really?”

Fans: “Yeah!”

Jake Norton: “Shit, let’s have ourselves a promo.”

Fans: “Hell yeah!”

Coming down the turnbuckles, Norton steps down onto the steel steps and seats himself there. Slouching like a thinking monkey, with his chin resting on a balled fist, Norton wets his lips.

Jake Norton: “I had no intention coming out here and shooting on Macca or Marvin because these are two guys I have personal history with. Last year, a week before ‘Epos Victoria’ – that cross-promotional show Victory and Epic had –I faced Marvin Wood in a match, a week before he would go on to fight Scott Free for the eWo Heavyweight Championship, and won; a clean one, two, three. And that was one of my proudest achievements. You know why? Because, in my honest opinion, Marvin Wood is the greatest wrestler this world has ever known.”

Some fans unaware of Norton’s adoration for Marvin are taken aback by his compliments, but others softly agree.

Jake Norton: “And instead of no-selling my victory as Marvin tends to do whenever he comes up short, afterward, Marvin approached me backstage and shook my hand, acknowledging both of us as people worthy to be allies. From there, Marvin Wood and I joined Lawrence Jarvis & Bill Dynamite, two highly-regarded eWo legends, to form a stable of all-British Excellency.”

Then a bitter smirk overcomes Norton’s mug.

Jake Norton: “We went on to set a standard for all of a month; a mere month. Marvin Wood was the World Heavyweight Champion, booked against Lisa Seldon’s lesbo sister, Alexis Sykes, and Teresa Quaranta’s protégé, Micah Castille, in a triple threat match. At the last minute, Marvin asked eWo president Scott Palmer to add me into the match, claiming I deserved a crack at him, too. Palmer agreed, but the truth of it was Marvin wanted me to back him in the match, to even the odds against Sykes & Castille, who were teammates – the Shock Doctrine.”

Norton’s eyes slant into corners of his eyelids.

Jake Norton: “Our ‘excellent’ standard came to an end because Marvin fed me to them, like a coward. He fled when it became apparent his chances of retaining the belt took a sheer drop into rock bottom. We were supposed to be teammates, you know? But typically, in pro’ wrestling, villains just can’t seem to coexist without eventual backstabbing in the works. So what happened? Micah Castille broke several of my bones, and Alexis Sykes Reservoir Dogged my ear – slicing it off gruesomely with a knife, before setting me ablaze altogether.”

Nostrils flaring and blood pumping, Norton is becoming enraged.

Jake Norton: “From there, I had to have plastic facial reconstruction surgery by the fucking best surgeons this world has in order to get my basic looks back. Just to look relatively normal. It drove me into bankruptcy. It gave me an adolescent sort of insecurity, and nearly killed my career. Seriously, how the fuck does someone come back from that burial?! Not many do. Not many should. But I’ve taken a lot of shit over the years. From being actually cummed on in Sin Wrestling by Chris Extreme, to Teresa Quaranta punting me into a comatose, my career still manages to rise from the coffin like Nosferatu.”

We’ve got a split crowd reaction suitable for a pie chart: some are mocking Norton, few are indifferent, but many are moved by Norton’s honesty, even some inspired.

Jake Norton: “I wouldn’t be able to exact revenge on Marvin Wood or those other two Jabronis, however. Nope, I went down to Underground X, acting as manager of ‘Bad Man’ Reece Jackson and doing some commentary duties here in REBEL Pro to collect enough dough that would help me out of my financial acid pit. But it was while I worked at UX I came into contact with Macca, the little Cuntster many of you are becoming so fond of.”

“Bad, Bad Man” by John Cena unexpectedly interrupts, and fans are baffled! Norton confusedly stares at the entranceway, with his mouth agape and eyebrows scowled. Then, it all becomes clear, when ‘Bad Man’ Reece Jackson emerges to a cultish markage, wearing a “Rasputin the Mad Monk” t-shirt, with words on it reading, “BANG” & “WORK LIKE A VILLAIN”! Wobbling down toward ringside, Jackson has a microphone in hand, and he looks pissed!

Bad Man: “Cut my fucking music!” The sixty plus year old UX Legend unnecessarily screeches.

Bad Man: “Who do you think you are, Jakey? You come out here on the Bad Man’s show-”

Jake Norton: “Uhm, Bad Man, I don’t think many of these people know who the hell you are.”

Bad Man backhands Norton to much shock, but to those who know Bad Man, they passionately cheer!

Bad Man: “Quiet, boy! Do you forget who you’re talking to? I am your father, Jakey. I raised you and Macca both since you were 32 and he was 28, or however the fuck old you two young hooligans were.”

Having not been this humiliated since the ‘cumming’ incident Norton spoke of earlier, Jake is caught in the middle of rage and stun.

Bad Man: “Look at you, Jakey. Look at what you’ve become. You’ve taken a detour from the Bad Way. You’re out here cutting promos, trying to be something you can never be. You’re not Macca, the future of this business, the soon-to-be World Heavyweight Champion of REBEL Pro. No, you’re Jake Norton, the boy who can’t ride a fucking bicycle!”

That memory steals the breath away from Norton, as the Cancerous Bastard momentarily relapses into the past, where the three Bad Cunts (Reece Jackson, Macca and Jake Norton) are in the parking lot of the Underground Arena, late at night after a Blacklist edition.

Macca: “Look, Norton, just hold the handlebars, keep them front and center, and pedal! Simple as that!”

Bad Man: “Fucking hell, I don’t know why we bother, Macca. This retarded-eye prick don’t know how to do shit!”

Macca: “Give him some space, Baddy. He can do it! Just believe in yourself, Jakey!”

Definitely unsure of himself, the tears are edging his eyelids, but Norton fights them back, thanks to Macca’s encouragement. Beginning to pedal, Norton is slowly but surely moving the bike forward, while Macca is continuing his support.

Macca: “That’s it! You can do it! Good job, Jakey! Now, keep going!!”

Letting go of his grip on the handlebars too, Macca allows Jakey to solely control the bicycle’s movement.

Jake Norton: “I’m.. I’m doing it! I’m really doing it! I AM DOING IT, BADDY!”

Bad Man is shocked at Norton’s success, but unfortunately, a brick wall is up ahead.

Macca: “Oh fuck, I forgot to show him how to stop.”

Jake Norton: “IF ONLY YOU COULD SEE ME NOW, BADDY! AHAHAHHA- DOUFVBRKJFVBKE”

With his head turned sideways, Norton was unable to see what is sildenafil citrate 100mg the incoming brick wall, which he flew headfirst into. Busting his forehead open, Norton lays awkwardly against the pavement with a broken arm, screaming.

Bad Man: “What a loser.”

The flashback ends there, as Norton finally snaps out of his private journey through time with the help of another backhand from Bad Man.

Bad Man: “Now you will get in that ring and show Macca the respect he deserves, faggot!”

Beyond reason, Norton lunges into Reece Jackson with a forearm smash! Mounting his former father-like figure, Norton pummels ‘Bad Man’ with ironclad fists, yelling, “CHEERS THIS, CUNT” Punch by punch, Bad Man is quickly spilling blood, bringing from the back a bunch of security guards coming to reset order.

After being pulled off Reece Jackson, a venomous Jake Norton spits at his old mentor, and then reequips himself with the microphone.

Jake Norton: “You fans wanted a fucking promo? Well, I’m not fucking finished! Macca, Marvin, this wasn’t going to be bloody personal. I was going to let bygones be bygones. But you know what? Fuck that. Fuck you two. I’ve just realized that this isn’t just a simple contest. This is about me getting revenge for all the bullshit I’ve endured the past year, courtesy of you two knuckleheads. Marvin, for the past few weeks, you’ve been busy jobbing, missing flights, no-showing matches, and being opposite of everything you claim to be: a World Champion. Maybe that’s why you’re no longer Aggression Champion, eh? You don’t have the drive or the creativity; the spirit or flexibility!”

Norton flips off the camera.

Jake Norton: “And you, Macca. You also claim to be a Champion. These commentators like to remind us all week after week you are the final UX Undisputed and Uncensored Champion. Oh, excuse me? The same cunt who threw the Uncensored belt in the trash like it meant fuck all? The same guy who showed up here in his first week and said, “who gives a shit about UX belts?” Yeah, this is a guy you want to compete for your titles, Simon? What happens when Rob Robinson tries to buy him away from REBEL? I bet you Macca will denounce anything he’s ever done in REBEL, and take a shit on your product. This isn’t the kind of champion REBEL needs.”

Climbing the steel steps and entering the ring, Norton finishes with,

Jake Norton: “I am going to defeat two former heavyweight champions in Marvin Wood and Macca because I want to be the champion REBEL fucking deserves. The last one, Matt Stone, fucking ditched us out of cowardice, and Phoenix openly shits on REBEL Pro. Lord knows we don’t need Marvin or Macca being his successor either, since one of them can’t be bothered to fucking show and give these fans what they paid to see, and the other pretends prestigious belts are for the trash men to collect.”

Throwing the microphone outside of the ring, comically nailing ‘Bad Man’ on the back of his head, fans are rallying behind Norton as he gets into a warrior stance and yells, “COME ON” – demanding his opponents to get their asses to the ring!

What An Amazing Fucking Match Triple Threat Match

Macca versus Jake Norton versus Marvin Wood

- At the tip of the entranceway, ‘Bad Man’ collapsed onto one knee, regardless of assistance by two medics. It is a second later Collingwood Football Club’s theme music answers an already in-ring Norton’s call. The first image Macca sees when he rushes out of the curtain is his mentor and adoptive father, Reece Jackson. Sliding toward his fallen guardian on both knees stylishly, an open-arms Macca quickly embraces the bloodied bad guy and whispers words likely of sympathy. When the camera caught the Cuntster’s eyes shooting toward the ring angrily, fans knew Macca wouldn’t have any of it! Continuing to egg his former Australian mate on, Norton loudly quacks – a subtle reference to Macca’s presumed dead friend, Marty the Duck. If the beat down on Bad Man wasn’t enough to royally madden the Undisputed Cunt, a swipe at Marty definitely blew the gasket!

While Macca runs down the ramp, Norton prepares to strike venomously, and so, when Macca arrives, he’s dealt multiple stomps that prevent him from standing. Six is the total number of times for Norton to cease stomping and opt to punt Macca square in the chin! Thanks to the impact, Macca retreats to the apron, but a baseball slide by Norton assures Macca that in itself is no blanket. Now outside on cold concrete, Macca is quick to move before Norton can slingshot, plancha or dive into or onto him. This was a smart decision, but then “The Lonely Shepherd” by Gheorghe Zamfir softly yet sweetly whistles through the arena’s speakers, notifying all tuned in that Marvin Wood is here!

So he comes down the ramp, treating people to his dour expression, prompting catcalls, but there’s no time for Marvin to perform his usual routine. Macca has taken notice to the third participant in this three-way dance, as has Jake Norton. But since Macca is closest, the little Cunt goes to meet Marvin on, and when he does, Marvin leaps for a clothesline, but completely misses the Cunt whose ‘rape tackle’ (spear) humbled Marvin! Hurrying to join the fight, Norton swings several fists upon arrival, but this time, none connect with Macca! Unlike before, Macca ‘cunt struck’ (super kick) Norton dead-on his chin, staggering the Cancerous 1 a few steps backward till falling onto his behind. When that occurred, Norton swallows a comedic superman punch that steals much of the support Norton had not too long ago, converting them into Macca’s little cunts!

- At 3 minutes: The match still is not officially underway as these three men have yet to all be inside the ring, but the brawling has yet to stop! Swinging leg-hook belly-to-back suplex may as well have dislocated something for Norton’s shout of hurt to justify, courtesy of Macca! Standing atop a barricade, Marvin Wood then jumps at Macca, who catches him and transitions whatever Marvin attempted into a spun out belly-to-back inverted concrete slam! Rewarding Macca’s awesomeness with a gush of blood, Marvin reveals to the camera his instantly bloody face with a side of grimace!

- At 5 minutes: Serving one another blow-for-blow, an exchange of iconic proportions happens atop the apron between Macca and Norton. Ripping a page out of Bubba J’s (alternatively, Dale Petty’s) ‘game-changing’ book, Macca hits Norton’s stomach harshly via knee, then applies a headlock so his ring post springboard cutter off the apron can devastatingly drive Norton face-first into the concrete below! As spectators expected from such a crushing move, Norton is bleeding from the mouth!

- At 6 minutes: Straightforward from that acid drop, Macca is confronted by Marvin Wood, who returns from a fisherman buster onto Norton’s knee, but has no difficulty in slapping away Marvin’s offense. However, even though a kick to the groin followed by a facebreaker knee smash eased Macca’s next big move: flowing DDT (which worked perfectly and temporarily silenced Marvin Wood), Norton seized the moment to no-hand enzuigiri the fucking cunt!

- At 8 minutes: To the laughter and shock of everyone, ‘Bad Man’ Reece Jackson reemerges on a bicycle, pedaling toward ringside, yelling vulgarity and obscene references “I’m gonna rape the mighty out of ya!” & “beat ya like a fucking pot-bellied piggy! Oink, oink, faggots!” Having no idea who this old black bastard is, Marvin Wood leaps for another ridiculous clothesline, but Bad Man slugs the sensitive Brit hard and well, in midair! Despite troubles getting off the bike, Bad Man still conjures the bizarre strength to relentlessly thrust himself into an unconscious Marvin Wood (don’t worry, censorships, they both got clothes on. It’s dry humping, but still incredibly graphic and unnecessary) “IF ONLY YOU COULD SEE ME NOW, BRUCE” Bad Man yells, vigorously. During all this, Jake Norton puts Macca through two unfolded chairs via powerbomb.

- At 9 minutes: Tiring himself out from all that thrusting, Bad Man reaches into his sweatpants and clearly rubs his hand against his crotch, looking pleased with himself. Children, cover your eyes. Pulling his puffy hand back out, Bad Man gives it a whiff and begins to gag! Rubbing his hand against Marvin’s face, Bad Man says, “wakey wakey!” and then slaps him. Still unconscious, Marvin is naturally unresponsive. Bad Man inhales a large breath, and then sighs disappointingly. Getting to his feet, Reece Jackson looks around for his boys (Macca & Jake Norton), who’ve just double knockout punched each other simultaneously at the opposite side of his location!

- At 11 minutes: We had chants of “boring” and “change the channel!” as Bad Man pushed both unconscious Macca and Norton inside the ring, then had Macca cover Norton, but referee Alan Stone said, “the match hasn’t even started! I can’t start it until Marvin Wood is also in the ring!” – “Oh, for fuck sakes!” Bad Man yelled in frustration before getting back on the bike, riding back toward Marvin, who’s stirring. Riding into Marvin and crushing his hands, the ‘Consummate Professional’ yelps in pain, but is soon hit in the head after Bad Man picks up and throws the bicycle at him! Twelve seconds pass before Bad Man can get Marvin inside the ring, but at this point, both Macca and Norton are stirring, too! Regardless, the match is now official!

-At 12 minutes: Chopping each other with pomp and circumstance, Macca gets the advantage by chopping Norton across his eyes! Blinding the lazy-eyed phenomenon momentarily, Macca pays tribute to Bad Man by giving Norton some nasty headbutts! Bad Man approves, and so do these fans! Well, a good amount of them. Boos are likely from Norton supporters. Now that Norton is reeling into a nearby corner, a divided chant of “X’er Cunt!” and “Let’s go Norton” births. Macca rams his shoulder into Norton twice, but sharp elbows to the spine are Norton’s reply! Deciding to back up, the consequence is Macca being caught off guard by Marvin Wood, who grabs him by the waist and pulls backward, only for Macca to reverse and corkscrew kneel belly-to-belly piledrive Marvin into the canvas! Although Marvin’s been dealt with, Macca still has to deal with his brother from another family, Jake Norton, who shoots out of the turnbuckle and bicycle kicks Macca right in the face!

Because Macca rolled out of further harm’s way, Norton decided to take what’s available: Marvin Wood. Lifting the bugger, Norton nicks and applies Imperfect Science (single leg-trap reverse DDT into a dragon sleeper, with shoulder being torn away at) on Marvin Wood, who embarrassingly submits within seconds! A good majority of the crowd bursts into

cheers at the finish, but ‘Bad Man’ Reece Jackson growls upsettingly at Norton’s victory.

Winner: Jake Norton @ 12 minutes, 54 seconds

No Sellers Anonymous

We enter the darkened meeting place of No Sellers Anonymous where apparently a Star Wars party is in full swing. And by full swing, we mean absolute chaos. The cheese dip for the nachos has made a nice yellowish mess on the walls as Darth PuppetLisa and an one eyed half naked Jedi master battle for the right to a Death Star cookie on the buffet table. There’s a series of flips and hasty swinging of weaponry galore and the constant picking up of monocle and top hat. After a while the duo start to grapple against each other with the Dark Side winning out. Her cape flutters in some makeshift wind as she tries to as the shaft of her lightsaber inches closer to where his neck would be.

Darth PuppetLisa: Fuck you! You ate all the cake!

All Master PuppetSimon can muster in response is a belch whose stench could fell an elephant. She stumbles away just in time to miss a shot of light…thing from Boba Felt.

Darth PuppetLisa: Whose side are you on?!

“Boba” dusts off his green tux.

Boba Felt: My own.

Darth PuppetLisa: Like it matters. You’re a useless clone that has a cult following for fuck all reasons.

Boba Felt: Because I’m awesome.

As this turns into the worst argument ever, we turn to Anna and PuppetLiza dressed up as Princess Leia and Queen Amidala respectfully. PuppetTeresa’s here too but she’s so damn tall, we can’t see anything resembling a costume. If she had one though, it would probably be Jar Jar Binks.

PuppetTeresa: Wins.

Queen PuppetLiza: Ummm…Anna? Why are we dressed up like this? Halloween is over and we’ve never seen a Star Wars movie in our lives!

Princess Anna: Furst ov all, et’s still real too me, dammit!

Her fist pounds against the table.

Princess Anna: Secondlee, I likes mi hear in buns. And thirdly, itt’s either dis oar me ranting abowt the utter Robinson n’ hiz gawd complex.

All the eye rolls.

Queen PuppetLiza: Well, he was an Underground X champion…

Anna’s eyes narrow.

Princess Anna: I’mma too tyme Rebel Pro world champion, da current Aggression champion, the Final Charm, und the last real X-Division AND Car Crash Television holder evar. Doo jew cee me crowin’ bout world shiny shots ev’ry tyme aye enter a nu plase of buzyness?

Queen PuppetLiza: No.

Princess Anna: Xactly. N’ bi the way, ur ruining your hairdo wif your hat.

The Queen straightens her magical headwear.

Queen PuppetLiza: But I like my hat!

???: *Chewbacca sounds*

Everybody turns to PuppetSimon.

PuppetSimon: What? I can’t even clear my throat without you fuckers looking at me funny? Fuck is wrong with you?

Multiple looks of shock as we slip into something other boring match-n-seggy-whateverness.

Gold Digger

Backstage at the REBEL Arena, Sean Robinson stands behind the curtain, awaiting his turn to walk to the ring. He’s got new gear for REBEL. All black everything, as Jay-Z would say, with Robbo’s signature gold accents. His personal logo adorns his t-shirt, the Boston Bruins “spoked-B” logo, modified into a spoked R. UNDISPUTED shines in gold letters above it.

He turns mid-stretch and addresses the ever-present REBEL cameraman.

Sean Robinson:
“Last week, I expected more from REBEL. I expected more from Simon Kalis. What I expected, to be frank, was some fucking competition. I wanted my first match in this company to be special. I wanted to go out there and show these fans what it was that made me the greatest champion – fuck that – the greatest wrestler in Underground X history. Most of all, I wanted to prove to the world that I’m the next in line for the REBEL World Title. Macca goes out there for his first match, and he faced a bonafide REBEL legend in Dale Petty. He got to show off his skills against someone who could match him move for move. And what do I get? The worst wrestler I’ve ever seen in my life. Worse than John Chelios, worse than Robb Shadows. Jeremy goddamned Gold.

Willie Williams couldn’t have booked that match worse. And Kalis claims to be better than Salvatore D’Aquila? What a crock of shit.”

Robinson points http://canadianpharmacy-lowcost.com/ at the “Big Board” that lists the card for tonight’s show.

“And now I’ve got Anna Matthews. Aggression Champion. Well, lucky for Miss Matthews, this is a non-title match. Not that I’m interested in that second-rate belt, mind you. The Aggression title means about as much as the gilded jockstrap that Macca was wearing before he stole my Undisputed rematch and beat Mainerishi on the last Blacklist. But you should be aware of something, Anna. I’ve dealt with my fair share of retards during my time in UX. The average idiot in the audience might think that you’re ‘wacky’ or ‘adorable’ or ‘so random’, but your little routine is just stupid bullshit to distract from your utter lack of wrestling ability.

I’ve never met a single woman who could hold her own against a man in a ring. Let alone a man of my talent. Oh, and before someone brings up Emily Corlen, let me retort with this.”

In the corner of the screen, a Youtube clip plays in a small box: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cB8TfkdVUTw

“You lucked your way into that belt, Anna. Your entire run in this company is down to two things: Luck, and the ability to completely mask your complete and total incompetance in the ring with ‘wacky’ antics. You go out there with your stupid puppets, and you try to get the fans behind you with humor. And that’s fine if you can back it up in the ring. But you can’t. You don’t have a tenth of my ability, there isn’t one iota of technical skill in what you call wrestling. And forget about submissions. If I walked out there with two broken arms, you couldn’t make me tap out.

I’m the next one in line for the World Title. Everyone knows it, they’re just deluding themselves into thinking that I’m not the best wrestler in the world. So I’m going to go out there tonight, and

prove it to them. I’m going to make you tap out. I’m going to have you in the center of that ring, crying through your stupid little puppets, begging for the ref to call the match. And if you don’t tap, I’m just going to break something. I’m going to keep breaking bones until you can’t stand it anymore and throw in the towel, or simply pass out from the pain.

Because that’s what a real wrestler does. He doesn’t stop until the bell rings. He doesn’t let off, he doesn’t go easy. He methodically picks apart his opponent until there’s nothing left but scraps for the dogs. That’s why I’m the best in the world. I’ve been the best technical wrestler since I first stepped on a mat.

Before Salazar, Deicide, and I got here, REBEL was boring as fuck. No competition, no skill, nothing to rate this company any higher than the C show in AOWF. It would be the D show, but there’s the PWA, after all.

But then Wrestling’s Undisputed showed up. And suddenly REBEL is worth watching. Sal and D turned the tag division from stale to the standard of tag team wrestling. Technical ability, great teamwork, and of course, a level of class that REBEL has never seen before. They’ve single-handedly taken the tag division to the top of the industry.”

In the background, the opening notes of Kanye West’s “Amazing” play over the arena PA. The crowd’s boos are already audible, but Robbo just smiles.

“Now it’s my turn.”

And with that, he steps through the curtain to show the fans what they’ve been missing.

Non-Title Match

Sean Robinson versus Anna Mathews

- Next to Larry Gordon and Linzi Martin for this non-title bout is Sean Robinson’s stable mates, Cesar Salazar & Deicide. Much like previously, Deicide prefers to sit relaxed and silent, unlike Salazar, who’s wearing the special guest commentator headset.

Larry Gordon: “Cesar, we’ve just finished watching Robinson’s promotional piece on the jumbo screen, and he’s swearing to submit our Aggression Champion! What are your thoughts on this match?”

Cesar Salazar: “I believe Anna Mathews isn’t entirely incapable of wrestling a technical match because she’s quite the highflyer, and that involves some methodic skill by means of striking. But for the most part, she’s an acrobatic. And although Robinson dabbles in aerials himself, he dismisses it as an inferior technique.”

Linzi Martin: “Could that cost him?”

Cesar Salazar: “It’s a possibility, but I’m very familiar with Robinson’s career, and he’s fought every style known to a wrestler today. But as I say, Robbo could lose for his curmudgeon tendencies, but I doubt that, truly.”

Linzi Martin: “What could a win do for both of these talents, gents?”

Larry Gordon: “Well, Anna is Aggression Champ, so regardless of this being a non-title bout, it’ll strengthen not only her reign but give that belt more leverage as being a world-class strap, much like it’s superior.”

Cesar Salazar: “Exactly as Robbo said, defeating the Aggression Champ, who is also a former REBEL World Heavyweight Champion, among many other respectable accolades, would polish his claims as the next contender rather well.”

- Jimmy Johnson exercises his official duties by informing both Anna and Robinson of what is to be expected from them in this contest: anything goes. There are no rope-breaks, count-outs, disqualification, but referee stoppage is enabled in case of excessive action. Shaking his finger twice at the timekeeper, Jimmy declares the match underway, cueing Anna and Robinson to explode out of their respective corners and exchange swift avoidances and dodges of each other’s jabs, kicks and clotheslines. For over a minute, the two perform beautiful defense, but Robinson gets caught by Anna’s rolling savate kick!

Linzi Martin: “Her foot cracked Robinson so hard, someone ought to yell TIMBER.”

A split-legged moonsault off a nearby turnbuckle onto Robinson follows, but Anna’s lateral press cannot get even a mere one.

Larry Gordon: “The pride of Robinson seeps already.”

- At 4 Minutes: An overhead belly-to-belly suplex mistakenly propels Anna Mathews onto the ropes, which she correctly utilizes to rebound at Robinson for an astonishing springboard spike DDT! Fans wildly cheered as Anna hurriedly covered Robinson’s lifeless body, but resurrected at the sound of a two count by jolting a shoulder up off the canvas!

Not granting herself a moment of awe, Anna pushes off her knees and takes to the ropes once more; comes off with a Lionsault that is greeted with two sharp knees to the gut! A seemingly instinctive grab of Anna’s ankle, Robinson delivers four fast heel kicks to Anna’s spine before applying a tidy ankle lock! Twisting and jerking the joints, Robinson shouts at a panicking Anna to surrender! Picking option two instead, Anna smartly uses her free foot to ram itself thrice into both Robinson’s chin and throat, which frees herself altogether!

- At 9 Minutes: One spinning headscissor flipped Robinson across the ring, and when he rose, a Boomerfly (springboard butterfly) Kick nearly decapitates him! Nearly, because ducking beneath forced Anna onto the top rope, spilling over-the-top, and left leg smacks against the apron on her way down to the concrete! Just the beginning of her troubles, for Robinson ran up a nearby turnbuckle and jumped off, landing on Anna’s spine via double foot stomp, as she were on all fours trying to gather herself!

Linzi Martin: “That’s 245lbs dropping onto a 120lbs body! That’s over twice her weight!”

- At 13 Minutes: Scooping a laid out Anna off the steel steps he just planted her onto via leg-hook reverse STO, Robinson lifts her onto his right shoulder in order to ram her back-first into a ring post, then slams her directly atop the barricade! Virtually paralyzed by the brutal sequence, Anna remains awkwardly and painfully laid out across the barricade, presenting Robinson opportunity to climb onto the apron and leap for a guillotine legdrop, which he awesomely does!

Cesar Salazar: “The ref needs to check her vital signs.”

- At 15 Minutes: Attempting to shove Anna inside the ring, Robinson is met with desperate kicks, for Anna knows her being inside the ring could increase Robinson’s chances of victory tenfold. A strong mule kick to Robinson’s midsection does the trick, but Anna must follow it up quickly, so she does with an inverted double underhook facebuster!

Larry Gordon: “Talk about evening the odds.”

Linzi Martin: “Desperate times calls for horrific measures!”

Bleeding from the nose, which is also likely broken, Robinson’s eyes are disoriented, indicating a private trip to a misty forest. The damage done to Anna’s body is more apparent as she limps and generally struggles to keep hold on her strength. But fortunately for her, REBEL Marks love her to death, so a few offer their beverages, snacks, shoes, action figures (there are kids in attendance), but ultimately, Anna decides on a thick steel chain that somehow made it pass arena security. Wrapping it around her fist, the Queen of Dodos stalks a rising Robinson, and then connects with his ear, sending him sideways into a ring post for hysteric approval!

- At 20 Minutes: Subsequent to a diverse series of offense (starting first to last in order of execution: rope hung snap swinging neckbreaker, rolling thunder transitioned into a somersault senton, inverted surfboard, while also applying a dragon sleeper, but countered by Robinson’s punching; a lifting double underhook facebuster into a lateral press, which was reversed for a cradle pin, but reaped no counts) Anna caught a vicious uppercut, and now is stuck in a sleeper takedown! Anna is trying to hit Robinson, but the pressure on her throat weakens her punches quickly!

Linzi Martin: “There’s no rope breaks! She has to fight her way out!”

Larry Gordon: “How can she when her lights are dimming?!”

Linzi Martin: “What’s that Robinson is yelling?!”

Cesar Salazar: “I do believe it is, ‘This Is Wrestling’”

As Anna’s arms fall lifelessly to the canvas and her eyes close, Robinson has persuaded the REBEL audience into joining him with more powerful chants of “THIS IS WRESTLING”! Obviously unconscious, Anna Mathews compels Jimmy Johnson to call for a stoppage, declaring Sean Robinson winner! “Amazing (Heartbeats Remix)” by Kanye West plays to the confirmation of Jenny Jersey’s voice, and Sean Robinson just barely relinquishes his hold after idle threats from Johnson. Eventually, this scene comes to a close at the top of the ramp, where on each side of Robinson, Deicide and Salazar hold up one of his arms victoriously; whilst in their other hands hang their perspective halves of the Undisputed Tag Team Championships.

Winner: Sean Robinson @ 20 minutes, 14 seconds

Liquid Strength

The camera cuts on, fading in from a commercial for Billy’s BBQ, to show a very clean and shiny Chevrolet Tahoe pulling up outside of a very delapidated single-wide trailer. The man’s head is shaking back and forth as he looks down at a map, GPS, or something and then back up to the trailer. After a few moments the door opens up, and Larry Gordon steps out dressed impecably in a red golf shirt, khaki pants, and brown loafers. He wipes off a bit of non-existent lint from his shirt before stepping up the rickety steps and into the holey sheltered area, the boards underfoot nearly rotted from the rain that pours through the holes in the tiny porch roof. Knocking on the door Larry stands for several moments, knocking several times, eventually a man opens the door.

The man is dressed in tighty whities, a yellow piss stain in the front, no shirt, and a ring of blueish white substance around his nose; make a note that it is both nostrils. Gordon looks on the man with disgust before calming himself and taking a deep breath, which causes him to immediately gag from some unknown stench. Bobby Lee looks at the man with a glassy eyed stare as Larry almost, but barely avoids, vomitting over the rotted porch railing.

Lee: “Yes Warry?”

He giggles.

Lee: “Wanna want?”

Gordon, still breathing heavily, responds.

Gordon: “You’ve got to get in fighting shape and kick Dale Petty’s ass!”

Lee shakes visibly in fear at the name of the hardcore artist formerly known as Bubba J.

Lee: “Nope, my sugaries and me are just fine without facing that man, thankies.”

He goes to shut the door.

Gordon: “But the entire company of Rebel Pro rests on your shoulders! Don’t you care?”

Bobby Lee looks out at something for a while.

Lee: “Nope, the evil zoards of Quintelplog have taken over.”

Gordon is disgusted.

Gordon: “No they have not!”

Lee: “That is exactly what they would say, mayb e they’ve got control of your wee little brain as well.”

Gordon, visibly pissed, holds his anger in.

Gordon: “I have not been taken over by any of them. You, an official member of the Rebel Pro roster, are booked in a match.”

Lee shakes his head.

Lee: “Not me, I retired.”

Gordon: “No, you did not!”

Lee: “Did so.”

Gordon: “Did not!”

Lee: “Did so!”

Gordon: “Did not!”

Lee nods.

Lee: “I just confirmed it, you have been taken over, your brain is infested with the slogs from the planet Xenoplog, its hopeless for you. Have a nice day.”

Lee goes to shut the door in Larry’s face.

Gordon: “There is a pile of sugaries in it for you.”

The door slams shut, a slight pause, then quickly reopens with Lee standing there.

Lee: “Sugaries?”

Gordon, a wicked smile on his face, nods.

Gordon: “Lots of sugaries, the best sugaries.”

Lee begins to salivate.

Gordon: “And edible grass too!”

Lee nearly swoons from the overload of his favorite things.

Gordon: “And there is a ton of liquid strength.”

Lee: “Strength… liquid strength?”

Gordon nods, pulling out a syringe.

Gordon: “Here is a sample.”

Lee: “A needle? I don’t like needles…”

Lee is a bit fearful, but Gordon encourages him.

Gordon: “Give it a try and see.”

Without waiting Gordon shoves the needle in and releases a dose of “strength” into Lee’s body.

Lee: “Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh!”

Lee crumples against the door frame for a moment before ripping the door off its hinges and shoving Gordon down the steps.

Lee(much deeper voice, think Shaft or John Coughfey from Green Mile): “Lets Go!”

Gordon, with another wicked smile murmers to himself.

Gordon: “Good bye Dale Petty, good-bye for good!”

He holds his hand up.

Gordon: “Lets wait Bobby, you’ve got to get dressed first!”

Lee, who was in the middle of lifting the front part of the Tahoe up and down looks back at Gordon.

Lee: “What for? I am undefeatable!”

Gordon nods.

Gordon: “But you can’t wrestle if you get arrested.”

Lee thinks for a moment then nods.

Lee: “To the Sugarie palace to dawn the clothing of a champion!”

Gordon laughs and nods.

Gordon: “Go and do it my champion, throw fear into the face of Dale Petty!”

Lee runs inside, tearing a piece of the door off in his haste without noticing it.

Gordon: Dale, your days in this company are numbered, you’ve fucked with the wrong man.”

He looks over his shoulder.

Gordon: “No one will ever know.”

Southern Style

The weather outside is very pleasant, the sun is shining, very few clouds in the sky, but none of the mushy birds are chirping stuff… not for this guy anyways; not like he’s got control anyways. Dale is leaning up against a wall, his shoulders pressed heavily against the bricks, his left foot on the wall as well. A lit cigarette is in his mouth, the smoke curling up from

the end as he smoker squints into the camera.

“Macca, as I said on live television, that was some of the funnest time that I’ve had in a ring and I’d really enjoy the chance to dance the dance of hardcore with you again.”

He nods.

“Now that the mutual respect bullshit is out of the way, and I meant every single word by the way, let me get down to the business of which I’ve recorded this little movie.”

He takes a drag.

“Larry “I’m as fat as a steroid saturated cow” Gordon, eater of the jizz burger, drinker of piss, and all around lover of the from unda cheese burger, forgot about that one there for a minute.”

A shake of the head, Larry disgusts him.

“It seems that Mr. Fat Ass is going to lose his ass, not the weight, but his ass concerning owning majority control of Rebel Pro.”

He makes that tisking sound.

“Such a shame too, when it all could have been avoided by just giving me my job back, giving my name back, selling Simon your two percent, or just shutting the hell up and listening to the fans. After all Gordon, they are what got you here, we carried them into the seats, we carried this company on our backs, watered your thirst for money with our blood, and then fertilized your fields of greed with our flesh… week in and week fucking out.”

He stares, taking a drag before tossing the cig away.

“But you couldn’t give one inch, you wanted to keep taking, taking, and when you were through taking; you wanted to take some more.”

He crosses his arms, looking extremely bully like.

“Well the redneck bully is back, different name, but same strong and hurtful punch.”

He laughs.

“And your champion is… Bobby Lee.”

He waits.

“Bobby Fucking Lee.”

He pauses again.

“Do I need to say it again? Do I need to remind you of the hopelessness of your situation? Do I need to remind you of your chances of walking out with a victory in this contest?”

A wait, he’s letting Larry think of this.

“And dear hapless Bobby Lee, all I need to say to you is boo and you’ve just pissed in your pants. I’m no alien, I’m no alter personality, I’m not a figment of your imagination. I’m the bully that probably knocked your screws loose. I’m the original big bad dreams of your childhood. I’m the man that you don’t want to meet in a dark alley late at night. Hell, you don’t even want to meet me during the day time, because you are a quivering lump of dried up never hasbeen pussy. Did you get all of that Bobby? In case you didn’t, let me break it down for you.”

He keeps the arms crossed, but pauses before resuming that pose to light up.

“I’m going to kick your ass because you are nothing, you are less than nothing, you are so far into the realm of nothingness that… http://viagraonline-genericmall.com/ you really aren’t even there. You should have never signed up to compete here and tonight, I’m going to show you exactly why. I’m going to make you believe, because its damn true, that everyone else you’ve faced has been taking it easy on your ass.”

He smirks.

“And I’m going to love every single second of that shit, let me tell you. You won’t have to worry about seeing aliens for a long time, because I’m going to swell them pretty baby blues up for you. You won’t have to worry about hearing them talk to you, cause I’m gonna cauliflower your ears and cause you to hear nothing but ringing for weeks. You won’t be able to have your sugaries to comfort the pain either, cause I’m going to swell them lips up, so that you have to inject your meals through a damn tube down your nose for a month.”

He exhales.

“Best part, I’m gonna get paid to do it. You’ll quit Bobby Lee, in fact you’ll leave running, breaking your contract and probably your legs in the process.”

A shrug of indifference.

“And I don’t give a good damn, because when you squeal, its gonna be encouragement to me and cause me to go higher, dig into your flesh deper, and pour salt into that wound then piss on it for the hope of causing an infection in your blood stream.”

He waits.

“In fact, you might not be able to run away after all, cause you’ll be like a blind man running away from an oncoming train… you won’t be able to see where in the fuck you are headed… but let me give you a hint.”

He leans a bit forward.

“You are heading straight into an asswhoopin’ Southern Style.”

{fade to ringside.}

The Battle for 2% of REBEL Pro and Bubba’s Identity!

Bobby Lee versus Dale Petty

Jenny Jersey: The following match is set for one fall and is for 2 percent control of Rebel Pro, for Dale to receive his name “Bubba J”, and is your Aggression Main Event of the evening!

Dale hops from the crowd, not even allowing anything but the first riff of “Badass” to play, he’s ready to get this done with.
“I’m A Rebel” queues up in the speakers and from the back, being trailed by super Bobby Lee, is the majority owner of Rebel Pro, to a thunderous ovation of boos, Larry Gordon. He steps into the ring, staring across at Dale Petty, who is just staring out much like Chuck Liddell before a MMA match.

Gordon: “Seeing as I’m majority owner of Rebel Pro, the following match is not stipulated fairly Dale Petty here has all to gain, but nothing to lose.”

He smirks.

Gordon: “He wants to brag about pulling things over on me, I’ve pulled something over on him.”

He laughs.

Gordon: “Dear less than intelligent Dale has unknowingly put something up in this match…”

The crowd is silent, Dale looks on at both men.

Gordon: “If he loses, he will never again be allowed to wrestle in any federation, under any name, under any identity, no way at all!”

Dale shrugs, not really listening or giving away anything. Gordon is a bit upset with the lack of reaction, but he’s gotten what he wants in evening up the stipulation here.

Ding Ding

Bubba J, no wait, he hasn’t earned that name just yet, but its inevitable as he’s facing Bobby Lee, licks his lips in anticipation of the blood to be shed here in this match. Dale jumps for Lee’s face, Lee knocks him back with a huge right hand, causing Gordon to laugh, Dale to spit out a tooth and blood, and Lee to look at his right hand; not to mention the crowd gasps in shock.

Linzi Martin: Whoa!

Dale smiles as he picks himself back up, spitting blood on the canvas and nodding at the shocked Bobby Lee, who seems to puff up his chest a bit. Dale comes rushing back in, but ducks under another right fist, nailing him in the kidneys and sending him stumbling back. Both men fall down and Dale is on Lee with rights and lefts, not relenting his assault at all, before kneeing him in the crotch and biting at his nose in an effort to maim him beyond recognition. Lee begins to scream in pain, Dale nailing him with repeated headbutts now, busting open his forehead and breaking his nose with an audible crunch. Dale rolls off the now bloody man, looking down at Gordon who is furious.

Dale: You want some fat man?!

Lee is up behind Dale, double upwards fist shot to the nuts, causes Dale to turn green and fall on the ropes. Larry jumps up to the apron, grabbing the back of Dale’s skull, pulling down with all of his considerable weight, turning his face purple quickly. Meanwhile Lee is behind him, kicking Dale repeatedly in the balls with the full force of his body and super juice enhanced talent.

Linzi Martin: Come on! This is bullshit!

The fans begin to chant “bullshit” over the entirety of the arena, but Gordon doesn’t relent at all, until Dale goes completely limp on the ropes, drool dribbling out of his mouth in a steady stream. Gordon winds up, punching the redneck right in the side of the face with a set of brass knuckles then backing up and doing the same with a series of shots, causing the Ragin’ Redneck to bleed profusely from the wound on the side of his temple. Lee picks up Dale, lifting him high over head with a gorilla press slam, tossing him over the side and to the concrete before leaping to the top turnbuckle and diving off with a double knee drop type of splash thing(its Bobby Lee, he doesn’t know much) onto the unconscious Dale Petty. Gordon is setting up a table, ordering Lee to powerbomb Dale from the top turnbuckle onto it and finish this in a hurry. Lee looks at Gordon.

Lee: “What is a powerbomb? I don’t like explosives.”

Gordon shakes his head and tries to explain it to Lee, who just isn’t understanding it correctly. Gordon then puts Dale between his legs, preparing him for a powerbomb, but Dale manages to nail him in the testicles, sending him onto the table. Dale stumbles back against the railing and is spent, that is all that he had. Lee walks over to Larry, who is puking on the floor from the huge amounts of pain coursing up through his groin, Lee gets right in his face.

Lee: “Is that how you do it?”

To reply Gordon pukes again, nothing much, but the sound and smell is horrible, some fans on the first couple of rows begin to gag as well. Lee is spun around, nailed right in the gut and sent to the Trailer Park, curtosey of Dale Petty!

Linzi Martin: “Pin him!”

But evidently that was a bit too much as well as Dale falls forward from the seated position and is gasping for breath still, he was held across that rope, while getting ball kicked, for several minutes. He begins to struggle back up to his hands and knees, slowly and ever so slowly back up to the kneeling position against the railing. Gordon nails him right in the face with a steel chair, though it was a very weak shot, Dale is a weak guy right now and it served its purpose. Gordon laughs right in his face, but a woman nails him in the side of the skull with what could be considered a brick laden pocketbook, its Rebel Pro… any thing is possible. Gordon stumbles down, bleeding a bit from his head… no wait, the woman had some ketchup on her pocketbook. Gordon stands back up, growling at her, allowing Dale to get back up to his knees. Dale reaches under the ring as Gordon is yelling at the woman and hollering for security to come and remove her from the premesis or they’ll be fired! Dale smiles behind him as he waits for Gordon to turn around. Larry spins around quickly, Dale nails him right in the face with a fire extinguisher before blowing most of the contents all over his face and stomping the shit out of his face for good measure.

Linzi Martin: What a shot! What a weird match! What?!

Lee growls in fury as he charges at Dale, catching him with a bulldog, taking him down to the concrete floor! Lee whips him into the ringpost before sending several kicks, stomps, punches, and shoulders into his midsection doubling him over. Lee rolls Dale back into the ring before coming off the top with a 1 person hurricanrana, told you he didn’t know much.

Linzi Martin: Weird, but somewhat effective I guess… first time I’ve ever seen a 1 man hurricanrana; trust Bobby Lee to fuck up even a wet dream.

Lee holds at his knees, but keeps on the offense as he lifts Dale up again over his head, though he’s struggling some now with the effort, but still manages it. Drop across the knee and Dale is winded once again, gasping heavily for breath, pouring blood from the wounds on his face and head. Gordon has gotten to a seated position on the outside, covered in garbage from the fans, who just don’t like him anymore; but he has an evil smirk on his face.

Larry: “Powerbomb!”

Lee looks over, nodding that he understands this time. Lee pulls Dale in for a powerbomb, before looking over at Gordon’s nod and the crowd’s gasp of shock that Dale is going to lose to Bobby Lee, even if he is super humanized. Lee struggles a bit, lifting, but can’t quite do it.

Linzi Martin: “Not like this! Dale can’t be gone from professional wrestling like this!”

Gordon is laughing at Dale’s predicament, Lee lifts up again, but can’t quite manage it. Lee nods, he remembers something, then promptly nails himself right in the nuts as hard as he can and falls down; Dale falls on top of him, out cold. The referee slides into position, Gordon struggles to get up, but has been tied to the railing!

One!

Two!

Three!

The fans are cheering and laughing, glad for Bubba J’s win and laughing at Bobby Lee’s powerbomb.

Linzi Martin:(laughing hysterically) He thinks… he thinks… my gawd, he nailed himself right in the nuts cause he thought… he thought you were supposed to! Thank goodness for idiots like Bobby Lee, shows you the perfect reason not to do drugs.

Gordon is furious, extremely raging, beyond cureablely furious! He’s screaming at the top of his lungs!

Jenny Jersey: Winner of the match, receving his name back, receiving 2 percent control of Rebel Pro stock, the Ragin’ Redneck… Bubba J!

J rolls over, looking at Gordon right in the eye, the briefcase with 2 percent control being handed to Bubba. J rolls out of the ring and walks over to the now red faced, spittle running down his face, eyes blazing former majority owner of Rebel Pro… Larry Gordon. Bubba J holds out the case, looks at the crowd who all gasp in shock, then nudges Larry with it.

Bubba J: “All I wanted was my name back.”

J shrugs, Larry smirks thinking that he has just screwed Simon over once again and reaches out for the case.

Bubba J: “And the chance to do this again@!”

Trailer Park Trash!

The crowd roars their approval and anyone who was still sitting or had sat, jumped back up and cheered as Gordan was put down again.

Bubba J stands over the beaten, bloody, puke covered Gordon, holding the case up high and the crowd roaring their approval.

QUICK RESULTS!

The Uproars defeat Golden Inferno
Justin Case defeats Jonathan Cage
Jake Norton defeats Marvin Wood and Macca
Sean Robinson defeats Anna Mathews
Bubba J as Dale Petty defeats Bobby Lee