“Breath of Life” by Florence and The Machines begins to play over the speakers, the REBEL Pro logo shining over the REBELTron as acting President Simon Kalis steps out to an uproarious response from the crowd. He adjusts the collar on his suit and waves to the passionate fans as he offers a wide grin.
Linzi Martin: Oh shit, look. His jaw isn’t wired shut anymore! Simon will finally give it to us straight himself!
Larry Gordon: Ohhhh yes. That he will.
Simon slaps the hands of fans as he walks down the aisle, taking time to pose for pictures and sign autographs.
Linzi Martin: So before tonight’s show, Simon announced that something major has happened in regards to the future of REBEL Pro. I take it you know what that is, don’t you Larry?
Larry Gordon: I sure do, Linzi.
Simon passes by the announcers table and smirks in Gordon’s direction, and for the first time in months Gordon smirks back.
Linzi Martin: Since when are you two friends again?
Larry Gordon: We aren’t, but even I have to tip my hat to Simon’s brilliance tonight, Linzi.
Simon walks up the steps and into the ring.
Jenny Jersey: Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you our acting President, Simon Kalis!
She hands him the microphone, and Simon waits for the crowd to settle down.
Simon Kalis: I own Underground X.
The crowd jumps to their feet, cheering in disbelief.
Linzi Martin: WHAT?!
Larry Gordon: Heh.
Simon turns his head and smiles.
Simon Kalis: REBEL Pro wins.
Voiceover from the REBELTron: FLAWLESS VICTORY!
In standard Kalis fashion, he slaps his chest, stomps his foot and salutes the crowd in Order of Chaos fashion. The crowd is going nuts, it’s been a while since they’ve seen Simon do that so rightfully so they mark out for the occasion.
Simon Kalis: The promotion who thought they could go to war with REBEL Pro is FINISHED!
More cheers from this clearly pro-REBEL Pro crowd. D’uh.
Simon Kalis: What does this mean, you ask?! It means that Warehouse in Vegas? Is mine. What’s left of the Underground Arena? Is mine. Every single contracted wrestler from Underground X? Is. Mine. That means indy scene phenoms such as Macca, will now be in REBEL Pro!
The crowd gives a big pop to the UX Triple Crown Champion.
Simon Kalis: That means Sean Robinson! Who went from REBEL Pro to make a name for himself as the greatest UX Undisputed Champion will be BACK! In! REBEL! PRO!
Kalis dusts his shoulders off, looking boss as fuck.
Simon Kalis: And these men are just the tip of the iceberg which I have acquired for REBEL Pro through this moment. With them and the other X’erground wrestlers, coupled with our great talents like Anna Mathews, Marvin Wood and even The Phoenix… I can stand before you all tonight, over a year later from the moment I purchased 49% of REBEL Pro in order to save it from bankruptcy and say… Mission Accomplished. I told all of you, inside one of the High School gyms where REBEL Pro was holding shows then… That I would take REBEL Pro from the regional status it once had, and take it to the nation and then the world and make REBEL Pro the FLAGSHIP FEDERATION OF THE AoWF! We have fucking DONE IT, ladies and gentlemen! Not just me. But those who stuck to REBEL Pro backstage and those of you here tonight in the HEART of REBEL country. We are the flagship, not the fucking god damn PWA. Take that, Rob Robinson. Take that, all up in your frigid asshole.
Simon flips the bird off at the camera and smirks.
Fans: REBEL! REBEL! REBEL! REBEL! REBEL!
Linzi Martin: I think I have tears in my eyes!
Larry Gordon: This is a triumphant and glorious moment, Linzi.
Kalis rubs his jaw, getting used to the new metal plating.
Simon Kalis: Acquiring UX was the last jolt needed to push REBEL Pro over the edge. We’ve got some very talented individuals coming here and this will – and should – put everyone already a REBEL on their toes. To all of you watching who once worked for Underground X, I say to you- feel free to come to REBEL Pro now. As incentive, I will offer you what I offered every REBEL Pro roster member when I bought REBEL Pro. A $50,000 bonus. As a welcome to your new regime, and a new era. Or…
Kalis twirls the mic and then smirks.
Simon Kalis: You can sit at home, and do nothing. But rest assured I own your ass either way, gentlemen. That includes you, Reece Paxton. That includes you, Allen Chaney. And you, Marina Blue. All of you AoWF traitors are back, or you’re nothing.
The crowd has a mixed reaction. We assume cheering Allen Chaney and Marina Blue, while booing that dumb fuck Reece Paxton.
Simon Kalis: I am now the dual President of two companies. REBEL Pro, and Underground X. That means a lot. But I couldn’t have done it if it wasn’t for The Mainerishi and his Ultra Passion Movement. Now this man, the Mainerishi, he is the death of UX. His followers blew up the Underground Arena in Las Vegas, killing people. Hurting people. Staining our great sport, and for what? While The Mainerishi himself had plausible deniability behind this terrorist attack, to me there is no question that this psychopathic madman is responsible. We are brutal in REBEL Pro. We are savage, we have a lust for blood like no other. But we have never been, are not currently, and never will be proponents of mass murder and carnage. The aftermath of these brutal actions went uncared for. The aftermath was the cancellation of UX’s contract with AMC to air their show, Blacklist. The aftermath was that the previous owner of UX, Salvatore D’Aquila, was fucked. Fucked by his own people, his own Champion. And so I stepped in, and placed an Order of Chaos seal on a deal to save this man’s dignity. And so I would ask all of you here tonight, to rise and remove your hats. We shall all stand in a moment of silence, not for Salvatore, and not for UX. But for those poor individuals who died at one of their shows by virtue of the actions of madmen. Let us all remain silent, and let the bell ring 14 times for the 14 souls lost on that evening.
Everyone in the arena stands up, many folks placing their hats over their hearts.
Kalis raises his gaze once again.
Simon Kalis: We solemnly pray that tragic events like these never occur in our sport again. And so…
Kalis clears his throat.
Simon Kalis: My first act as the new owner and President of Underground X in these transitive times is to fire the man responsible for its demise and more importantly, the man whom anyone with half a clue knows is responsible for the tragic events of Blacklist 40. The Former Underground X Undisputed Champion, the man behind the terrorist organization known as the Ultra Passion Movement. Mainerishi?
Simon points into the camera lens.
Simon Kalis: You’re fired.
The crowd gives a rousing applause at this news.
Simon Kalis: Over the next few days and weeks, much will have to be taken into consideration. However, I think it’s best if we now hear from the man himself… Salvatore D’Aquila.
And with that cue, the former boss of Underground X himself, Salvatore D’Aquila, pushes his way out past the curtain to the sound of “Life” by Harry Gregson-Williams and makes a brisk walk for the ring. The fans aren’t being shy about what they think about Salvatore with all of their boos and jeers, but the man either isn’t affected by it or has the world’s best poker face as he steps into the ring. Once in the ring, Kalis extends his hand forward, which Salvatore looks at with a slight look of disdain on his face for a moment, before extending his own out for the shake. Handing Salvatore the mic, Kalis makes his way out of the ring to let the man speak.
Salvatore D’Aquila: Yes, ladies and gentlemen, sadly, it is true. My time as leader of the Underground has come to an unfortunate end, due to circumstances that were outside of my control. I am sure that you are all disappointed as I am, but we shall have to move past this and try and turn this negative into a positive.
Larry Gordon: Crowd’s reaction tells us they don’t believe this is a negative in any way at all.
Salvatore D’Aquila: It will be hard for me to say goodbye to Underground X. I put my ‘everything’ into that company. Taking it from its low point and fixing it into a national TV show that was rating stronger than most other shows in its time slot. Although, I will be able to walk away satisfied knowing that stars like Sean Robinson, Cesar Salazar, Deicide & Tony Edison will always stay up in the spotlight where they belong. These men are truly the future of not just REBEL but wrestling in general today.
Oh shit, Sal! Not a good idea to tell a REBEL crowd that UX stars will be their future. Boos are raining down now. Just as D’Aquila raises the mic to his mouth once again, the Collingwood Football Club theme song hits the PA! Macca pushes his way onto the stage as huge cheers erupt from a large number in the crowd that is familiar with the man’s UX work. It’s still mixed in boos for the UX Hall of Famer from this particularly pro-REBEL crowd, though. Macca begins to make his way down to the ring with a mic of his own.
Larry Gordon: The beautiful strap around that Aussie’s waist is known as the UX Undisputed Championship, and the one draped over his shoulder goes by the Uncensored Championship. Their owner is Macca, better known by his fans as the ‘Cuntster’.
Linzi Martin: We’re not expected to call him that, are we? And… Is he aroused?
Entering the ring, Macca stands tall and proud; revealing that he does indeed have a large bulge in the crotch of his shorts.
Macca: Some good names you mentioned there, Sal; some pretty shit ones, also, but I can’t help but think that you missed a name. Can’t put my finger on who that would be though…. Oh that’s right: me! The fact that the last ever episode of the Blacklist was Main Evented by me beating your terrorist problem for the Undisputed Championship obviously means nothing to you. One last fuck up before you let go of UX for good, I suppose?
Macca switches the Uncensored Championship’s resting spot to his right arm so he can throw his left arm around Salvatore’s shoulders, which makes Macca’s former employer visibly tense. Pulling Salvatore in close, Macca continues to speak.
Macca: But let’s not end this on a sour note, Sal. I think we should celebrate our new beginnings in REBEL with a frothy.
Reaching into his shorts, Macca pulls out the bulge to reveal two bottles of Victoria Bitter! He pops the tops off of the bottles and offers one to his old boss. Salvatore looks at the bottle with disgust all over his face.
Salvatore: You don’t honestly expect me to drink that do you?
Macca: Nah I guess you shouldn’t. After all -
Linzi Martin: OH GOD!
Macca pulls back before smashing the bottle of beer over Salvatore D’Aquila’s head! The shards of glass immediately cut Salvatore open, and blood begins to rush down his face as he crashes face-first into the mat! A puddle made of a mixture of ‘beer and blood’ forms around Salvatore’s unconscious head! Macca drops down in to a crouched position before taking a sip from his last remaining bottle of beer, waiting for the few hundred UX marks to settle down from their giddiness! Naturally, typical REBEL fans are more so shocked than noisy.
Macca: – it seems you’ve already had enough. Cheers that, cunt!
Larry Gordon: The crowd seems to be super more behind Macca after that display!
Linzi Martin: True Larry, however, there are still some who see him as a UX invader. Only time will tell if he can win them over.
And with that, Macca leaves the ring and plays up to this hugely split crowd while making his way out to the back, taking us into our first commercial break of the evening!
On the REBEL-TRON we come to see REBEL PRO’s newest signed attraction, “The Chosen One” Justin Case and his manager The Wiz. They are seen in the backstage area inside what looks to be someone’s office. We happen to pan over a desk where the name “Jeremy Gold” is seen on the desktop. The two men are in search of something as they trace through out the whole office. flipping the office upside down until finally one man speaks up.
The Wiz: I found it!
Legendary Legacary stops in his tracks
Justin Case: Is it what I think it is?!
The Wiz smiles
The Wiz: You know it.
crumpling up a paper in hand Case throws it aside and pans the room
Justin Case: That has to be all of it. Ok, go flush it!
The Wiz does what he’s told and leaves the room
Case looks to the camera with a sly cool confident smirk
Justin Case: So, Jeremy, how the hell have ya been?!oh really? eat a dick. Me? Im just doing great! Last week I made it known to the world I have come back to REBEL PRO for one reason and one reason alone. To finish the job of killing REBEL PRO once and for all. Afterall, I am “The Franchise Killer” for a reason. So I thought who better to get out of the way first, the very man I forced to resign as GM of this shit hole federation, a while back. But memories never fade, do they Gold?
Case brings up a file in his hand.
Justin Case: You see, while you continue to be Simon Kalis’ yes man. I knew you’d be busy doing his bidding at the moment. So I thought why not level the playing field, since I already know Im facing you later tonight.
The Wiz walks in and stands in the background.
Justin Case: You see what we did? Do you like the remodeling? I say, Wiz, someone needs a molly maid around here. But then again, Jeremy wouldnt like anyone else going through his personal business. Right Gold? Well, to level the playing field and to make sure you are able to remember every painful second in which I take revenge on the man that tried to ruin me by getting me fired from REBEL PRO. They say pay back’s a bitch, but yet they have never met yours truly. You see Gold, what we did is just flush all the illegal drugs you had stashed away in your office! Its all gone! So now your mind will be able to send you the message of extreme pain that I will soon inflict upon you, Jeremy Gold. You deserve the ass whooping of a life time anyways. But when you try to fuck with me, thats just a losing battle, and a war you cant win.
Case looks over his shoulder, smiles at The Wiz and looks back at the camera
Justin Case: You might be wondering whats in my talented hands, eh Goldy? Well Jeremy, in my hand is a copy of Simon Kalis’ resent public address state of affairs announcement in which is on the REBEL PRO website as well. And to be totally honest, looking at things from of course the peoples perspective, the statement given by Simon Kalis is nothing more than a federation suicide note.
“TCO” pauses for effect
Justin Case: Now then, yours truly is not going to waste the tax payer’s time of reading the whole statment that Simon Kalis made, but I will say this.
Legendary Legacary stares a hole through the lens
Justin Case: Jeremy Gold, the writing is literally on the wall, baby! REBEL PRO is on its last leg as finally Simon Kalis is giving in to my demands. Do you honestly think it was a coincidence that Kalis came out with this statement just days after my return to REBEL PRO? You see, he knows its just a matter of time. The statement he made is basicly a suicide note for REBEL PRO. What does that mean for you, Jeremy Gold? It means this….
Case’s eyes widen
Justin Case: Jeremy, Simon has made the first move of three steps towards ending REBEL PRO forever. Number one? Getting rid of the management. And what does Simon then do? Kalis then sends you to the wolves, as he signs off on a match that is surely to be Jeremy Gold’s last match ever! Placing Case against Gold is like stealing from a baby. The end result will happen so fast, the only thing left for Gold to do will be to cry your ass off once I defeat you. The second step Simon will surely take is to end all merchanise for the fans. Continuing on to end all deals with the sponsers that help promote this federation. With no commerials or online production, with no t-shirts of Jeremy Gold with a white powdered nose, or the Kalis clan sending their terroristic views via t-shirts and posters. All that bullshit will cease to exist as then the third and final step will be taken. Mark my talented words, Gold. Simon is soon to be bouncing checks while he cheats the wrestlers themselves. Thats whats next. If you dont believe me, wait until your money starts running out. The end result is now IN WRITING! REBEL PRO is on her death bed. Now its time to send a message to the cream of the crop. Jeremy, Simon, Adrian, I wont stop until I am on top! And when its all said and done, no one is better than “The Chosen One”.
Justin Case U didnt know, I rule this f*cking show!!!
See ya tonight, Gold.
Just like that the duo exit the office, leaving it a mess as they turn off the light and shut the door.
The Return of The Legendary Legacary Match
“The Chosen One” Justin Case versus Jeremy Gold
When Justin Case came out, the REBEL fans greeted his return with boos and hate except for Susan Boyle who once again purchased a ticket to view her hero. As Jeremy Gold came out, everyone quietly applauded perhaps out of pity at what was likely going to be a bad time for him. The bell rang and Justin Case immediately struck with a short arm clothesline, taking Gold down hard and fast. Gold rolled with it, getting back to his feet and going for a flying lariat on The Chosen One. Case recovers and hits a spinning neckbreaker on Jeremy Gold, and covers. Case gets the 2 count as Jeremy manages to kick out, much to the chagrin of Justin Case. Case lifts Gold up and whips him into the ropes. He catches Jeremy Gold and takes him back down to the canvas with a body slam. He covers again. 1! 2! KICK OUT! Case is getting more and more infuriated with Gold. And Gold, for his part, begins crawling away from Case. As Case approaches Jeremy Gold, he lifts Gold back up from the canvas swiftly by the back of his neck. As Gold turns around, Gold kicks Case in the nuts much to the enjoyment of the crowd. It’s at this moment when SUSAN BOYLE JUMPS THE BARRICADE AND SLIDES INTO THE RING! SUSAN BOYLE TACKLES JEREMY GOLD TO THE GROUND AND BEGINS SLAPPING THE SHIT OUT OF HIM! Security rushes into the ring and pulls Susan Boyle out of the ring, but the crowd is amused. Gold low blows Justin Case again from his knees and as Case recoils, Gold gets to his feet and grabs Case by the head and begins yelling in his face as loud as he can. Gold begins slapping Case with both his hands, all girly like and Case being the superior specimen immediately grabs Gold and hits JUST 2 TALENTED! Instead of going for the pin however, Case locks in Snap or Tap! Gold barely holds on for more than three seconds before he begins tapping out!
Winner: Justin Case in 5:10
A Kansas Thang
Johnny and Allen both have their food set in front of them. Allen has a green salad with no meat of any kind on it because of his diet. Johnny has a double bacon chili cheeseburger with a side of chli cheese fries.
Johnny: “Oh sorry man. I forgot about your diet thin-”
Allen: “Die in a fire.”
Allen takes a bite of his salad. Johnny chuckles.
Allen: “So, he really texted you?”
Johnny: “Yeah. It was Ollies number. Just two words though. ‘My fault’. I mean, we all know it wasn’t but Ollie… The boy was never all there. I just want him to come home. Wherever he is he definitely isn’t in a good state of mind.”
Allen: “Must be Kansas. In Kansas positivity lies dormant, but negativity spreads like a virus. I should know, I still stay there on occasion. You spend five minutes in Kansas and you somehow implicitly uinderstand that it is an alternate universe seperate from sanity where people like Fred Phelps are allowed to spew their brain vomit for profit and a new Quik Trip gas station is the talk of the town.”
Johnny: “If you don’t stop being depressing, next time you fall asleep on a road trip I’m going to put bacon in your mouth.”
Allen rolls his eyes. He had only been on this diet a couple weeks. He had lost 15 pounds, but he wasn’t used to the diet yet. So yeah, he was a bit more unforgiving and blunt in nature recently.
Allen: “So. Marvin Wood, huh?”
Johnny: Yup. Should be a good win to get me back on track. I mean, a lot about me has changed. I’m drug free, alcohol free, and more focused than I have ever been save for a knee injury that until recently was kicking my ass as far as in-ring competition goes, but that’s all better thanks to a little bit of medical magic. Marvin is…well… he hasn’t really changed at all, has he? Same arrogant attitude, same boring as shit personality. Same shit, different day. So, take a Johnny Maverick who lacked clarity, vision, and drive then give him all of those things. Then put him against a guy he embarassed a little bit ago and won the Victory World Title off of who has not changed at all, who also wouldn’t still have his title belt if Virgil Keenan hadn’t of… Holy shit dude. Marvin Wood needs VIRGIL KEENAN to fight his battles for him.”
Allen: “Check it. ‘I’m a paragon of wit and intelligence in professional wrestling. Cunt Fuck Shit’.”
Johnny: “Spot-on Virgil, moobs. I guess I still find it a little funny. Marvin Wood was SO CONVINCED he had me beat. He was so sure he was the better man and he lost to someone who not only stood for absolutely EVERYTHING he opposed but clearly was not supposed to have won the match.”
Allen: “No doubt. I was hoping you’d win that but I never dreamed you would. I guess defying the odds is kind of our thing.”
Johnny: “It was my thing first.”
Allen: Yeah, but I did it better.”
Johnny: “Eh, I’ll top it eventually.”
Marvin Wood Brings The EXCITEMENT
“Well, this is exciting, isn’t it?”
Marvin Wood appears on the screen.
“This is an exciting time in my career. Firstly, I’m told that I should keep my public exposure to a minimum so as to maximise the impact of appearing on Rebel Pro television. This is certainly a very bad move when it comes to myself. Admittedly, the longevity of usefulness for the speech of many Rebel Pro wrestlers is short. The more they talk, beyond a few sentences, the more likely they are to hurt their own image, Rebel Pro’s public image and the public image and self-respect of everyone around them. It’s like the amazingly qualified camera man, who went to Oxford University, only to be put in a room to record someone masturbating with a nettle. It’s no good. Everyone who is surrounding these people whilst they speak are collectively becoming less intelligent, and less self-respecting. Sooner or later, they descend into depression and drug dependency. Anyway, this is certainly not the case with me. In fact, the inverse is true. When people listen to me speak on the issues of life, they become better, more intelligent people and learn to respect themselves more. The more I talk, the better society is as a whole. For my speech to be limited to just a few minutes per week, as it is here, will only reduce the number of people who I am able to help.”
He pauses and sighs.
“Then, I am told that I must participate in not minus one, not none, not one, but two matches, tonight. The very week after I successfully defended my Aggression Championship against Anna Mathews, thus extending my record against her to three wins to zero losses, I must once again defend that very same title against her, because she was – for some reason – upset regarding how she lost that match. In reality, if she was really cap;able of defeating me, she would have done so at some stage in the three matches that we have had to date. And yet, she failed to do so. That speaks only to the truth. Now that I must defend my title against her the very next week, I feel that the Aggression Championship truly is not worthy
of encouraging greatness. I participated in this experiment for a short period of time, in order to investigate what I could gain for both myself and others out of a mid-card. And, ultimately, all I learned was that I was right all along. Mid-card titles are representative of nothing more than mediocrity. The stagnant booking regarding it reflects this. If I beat Anna Mathews, tonight, I am sure that she will come up with another excuse and get another title match, rendering the previous matches irrelevant. This will proceed until we have some puppet-themed handicap match where I could not possibly win. I don’t want to see that, and I no longer want to ambiguise my image by being associated with something that represents mediocrity. I no longer have any motivation to hold that title. Instead, I believe that it should instead be associated with someone who truly does represent mediocrity – someone like Anna Mathews. How convenient it is, then, that my title defence will be against her. It is time for some blood-letting. It is time to make a small, almost insignificant sacrifice in order to achieve the greater good. So, whilst Anna Mathews is enjoying her pointless, mediocre career, I will be enjoying changing the world for the better, as I always do.”
He nods, firmly, in affirmation of his comments.
“Thirdly and finally, there is the second match that I will be participating in, tonight. The rematch that everyone forgot to book. The rematch that Johnny Maverick forgot about. The rematch for the World Championship of Victory Wrestling and the AoWF Television Championship. Of course, neither of those title will be defended, as Maverick has long since lost both of them. Instead, I am tasked with righting one of the most disgraceful wrongs that has occurred, not just in my career, but in professional sports. I had climbed my way to the final of the tournament for the AoWF Television Championship, a title which I wanted to win in order to raise my ranking within the AoWF. But, in the final, where I was due to face Corey Lazarus to determine the new champion, the match was suddenly made a three-way match. Johnny Maverick was added. Despite overwhelming odds,
I went on to win that match. But, instead, the owner at the time, Gabe Shelley, decided that he would change the rules of the match, AFTER it had taken place, thus meaning that I broke the rules, and restarted the match. Johnny Maverick, with the odds now truly in his favour, took advantage of my predicament to become one of the most sorry excuses for a World Champion that I have ever seen. Never again did I think that another promotion would repeat the mistake that Rebel Pro made, of making Johnny Maverick a World Champion. But then, along came the cesspool that was BWF, and they made the exact same mistake. And, I do mean “made” Johnny Maverick the World Champion, because all of the odds were stacked in his favour. He could not lose. Gabe Shelley, a man too cowardly to admit that he resents my success, would not allow it to be any other way.”
‘The Nomadic Sage”’s words are stern and assertive.
“Now, one year later, I finally have the opportunity to right that most atrocious of wrongs…in the place where it all started, no less: Rebel Pro. Tonight, I have the opportunity to right the wrong committed against myself, Corey Lazarus, the AoWF, Victory Wrestling, professional wrestling, every single stakeholder in professional wrestling, past present and future, and the moral fibre of mankind.”
“Johnny Maverick is like that sweet that is just too sweet to bite into. It looks so delicious. Everyone says it is delicious. But, there’s that pause. That pause where one is momentarily overwhelmed by the prospect of its deliciousness. Johnny Maverick is an idiot. He is the ex-husband of one of the most stupid, over-sensitive, ignorant, pathetic, boneheaded, out-of-shape poor excuses for a wrestler that there has ever been. For some reason, he has been able to prolong his love affair with this woman, and has taken wrestling fans along for the ride, in what can only be described as a subconscious expression of hatred for wrestling fans. There are certain times in my career that I am proud to be a professional wrestler – when there is nothing I would want to be more than a pro’ wrestler: such as having classic matches with the likes of The Phoenix, Matt Stone, Matthew Engel, Teresa Quaranta, Jethro Hayes and so on. Then, there is this…drivel…that forces me to hang my head in shame. This is another point on which I must avenge a most gracious misdeed involving this man. A crime against the creative faculty of all fans of professional wrestling.”
Marvin’s eyes are narrowed: he is concentrating, intensely.
“Within a couple of hours’ time, when I have corrected one of the great anomalies in our sport, dropped a meaningless championship, and avenged two egregious crimes, my mind will become more clear. I will feel better about myself. And, through this, I will once again teach all of you to feel better about yourselves.”
The scene fades out.
Come On Bro, You Can Do Better Than No Showing Match
Marvin Wood versus Johnny Maverick
Linzi Martin: Norton, why do you insist on continuing your guest commentator role when you’re a full-time REBEL wrestler now?
Jake Norton: I’m a workhorse, Lizzy. I love being involved.
Larry Gordon: That’s a nicer way to put it.
Jake Norton: Are you calling me a whore?
Larry Gordon: An attention-whore.
Jake Norton: Maybe I should call you a lazy, cheap prick!
Linzi Martin: For what?
Jake Norton: Really? How about whenever I come down here, there are only two headsets, so I gotta use Gordon’s. I’m surprised you actually bothered buying another, Larry.
Larry Gordon: Fans, you can hate me now.
Linzi Martin: Okay, let’s get ready to call some solid action. Two former Victory Wrestling World Champions and Aggression Champions are about to duke it out!
Jake Norton: Maverick won the Aggression title before?
Larry Gordon: Yes.
Jake Norton: Lol oh.
Johnny Maverick is quick to start things by going in after Marvin, who remains stood in the corner welcoming Maverick’s attempt. Hounding Johnny off, Marvin delivers thick knife-edge chops to Kennedy’s chest and leaps into him for a forearm smash, enabling a chicken wing camel clutch! Going on a panicky defensive, Maverick delivers various elbows that club hard blows to the arm, shoulder and neck of Marvin Wood; finished off by heaving the Aggression Champion into the turnbuckles via half-nelson suplex!
Linzi Martin: That seems to be a trend, lately.
Jake Norton: Virgil Keenan proved how merciless that throw can be.
Ramming a big boot into Marvin’s face, Maverick then monkey flips Marvin onto his ass. When he follows in, Maverick goes to deliver a running shotei into Marvin’s backside, but luckily, instincts kick in causing Marvin to dodge, resulting in Maverick crashing into the mat awkwardly! As Marvin stumbles back, he grabs onto Johnny and takes him down with a hangman’s neckbreaker!
Getting back to his feet, Marvin continues on the attack, kicking and stomping at Johnny, not wanting him to rise. As Johnny lies on the ground, Marvin grabs onto his leg, trying to wrench it, even applying a spinning-toehold. Giving up on this, Marvin soon spins around Johnny’s body, goes towards his head, drops down and applies a headscissors.
Attempting to free himself, Johnny rolls back-and-forth, eventually rolling both him and Marvin onto their stomach. Getting to a kneeling base, still with Marvin’s legs wrapped around his head, Maverick pushes his way onto his feet, escaping from ‘the Engine of Greatness’s clutches. Pulling Marvin up after some hammer shots, Maverick goes for a German suplex, but Marvin rejects the hold by peppering him with repeated back-elbows to the face!
Reversing the position into his favor, Marvin starts busting out his signature ‘Suplex Labyrinth’ series. Totaling in five, Marvin cannot continue thanks to Johnny desperately shoving a palm into Marvin’s nose whilst in midair, allowing him to flip forward onto his feet as Marvin staggers. Standing in front of Marvin, Maverick leaps backwards, hitting a Pele Kick and instantly jumps back to his feet! Catching Marvin as he stumbles back, Maverick latches onto his arm, interlocks his left leg around Marvin’s right leg and sweeps him backwards, bringing him down to the canvas! Down here, Maverick applies a cross-armbar, even nailing some elbows to his arm, making sure to apply more pressure and pain!
Tapping into his ring general senses once more, Marvin rolls Maverick onto his shoulders while the submission stays intact, but signaling the referee to initiate the count! Soon as the hand slapped the canvas a second time, Maverick nearly kicked out, but Marvin’s grabbing-of-the-tights enforced his pin, allowing Marvin Wood to emerge victorious.
Not So Fast LOL
Johnny Maverick has already made his way backstage, and as Marvin Wood slides out of the ring he drapes the REBEL Pro Aggression Championship over his shoulder and begins his exit buuuut.
Simon Kalis: Whoa. Whoa.
Simon steps out from behind the curtains with a microphone and a smug look on his scarred up face, putting up a hand towards Marvin.
Simon Kalis: Whoa.
Wood, breathing deep looks at Simon with some apprehension.
Simon Kalis: Last week, you successfully defended the REBEL Pro Aggression title against Anna Mathews. Now, we all know that before the match I had planned to be at ringside to prevent any interference. Annnnd we all saw what happened. With Larry Gordon helping to resign Justin Case and the Legendary Legacary deciding he’d like to return to REBEL Pro by catching a one eyed man off guard I was unable to be at ringside. So what we had was Virgil Keenan come out and interfere, costing good Anna Mathews her title match.
The crowd boos, Simon nods in agreement. Marvin Wood begins walking up the entrance ramp towards Simon, but Simon shakes his finger no.
Simon Kalis: No, Marvin. You don’t get off that easy. You know why? Because the following contest shall be a cage match for the REBEL Pro Aggression Championship!
Wood looks furiously at Simon, as the crowd jumps to their feet in a chorus of cheers.
Simon Kalis: Already at ringside, he is the current REBEL Pro Aggression Champion. From Pontefract, England… Yeah, I’m surprised I remembered that offhand too. Weighing
in at fuck knows, standing in at fuck cares… MARVIN WOOD!
Wood re-enters the ring and raises the Aggression Championship.
Larry Gordon: What an insolent son of a bitch.
Linzi Martin: I know, Marvin’s such an ass.
Larry Gordon: I was referring to Simon. Marvin is a true fighter, a true competitor Linzi. He didn’t tell Virgil to interfere last week, he shouldn’t be punished now.
Simon smirks, as he puts down the microphone and disappears backstage.
REBEL Pro Aggression Championship Cage
Anna Mathews versus Marvin Wood©
Jenny Jersey takes the reins back now.
Jenny Jersey: And his opponent!
Sparks – “This Town Ain’t Big Enough For Both Of Us” hits as Anna Mathews steps out to an uproarious applause from the fans.
Jenny Jersey: Standing in at 5 feet and 5 inches tall! Weighing in at 120 pounds! She is the Queen of Dodos! ANNA MATHEWS!!!
Anna runs towards the ring, slapping the hands of fans as she passes by before sliding right in to join Marvin. Marvin leans back, taking his time to recuperate as much as he can. Jenny leaves the ring, and the cage begins to lower.
Linzi Martin: I think this is fun. You know it was great travelling the country and Canada for a while, but it’s nice to just relax here in Raleigh and do shows consistently here in the Aggression Arena and treat the fans to these kinds of surprise buttsex type matches.
Larry Gordon: I’m sure the fans are happy, but I still find it distasteful.
DING DING DING
Anna Mathews leans back against the ropes, smiles and waves to Marvin Wood. Marvin is still in his corner, biding his time and recuperating as much energy as possible. Anna doesn’t seem to mind this and simply watches and waits.
Linzi Martin: So my understanding is this will be a classic cage match. You can win by pinfall, climbing out of the cage over the top or by leaving through the door.
Larry Gordon: And it looks like things are about to pick up- wait a second.
Immediately, Virgil Keenan comes out from backstage with a chair in hand as Anna Mathews and Marvin Wood grapple up. They both break the grapple, Anna stepping back away as Wood crosses his arms and watches. Virgil taps his steel chair and demands the referee open the cage door. Quickly, referee Alan Stone does as he is commanded. Anna approaches, Wood steps back and anticipates what is about to happen.
Larry Gordon: I thought this was a cage match meant to prevent interference. So much for this bright idea.
Linzi Martin: For once you might be right, Larry. Ugh I can’t believe I said that.
Virgil enters the ring and taps the steel chair, pointing at Anna. The crowd is on their feet and booing. Virgil charges and swings the chair but Anna drops to her knees! The chair connects BUT IT CONNECTS ON MARVIN WOOD! Wood hits the canvas hard, busted open immediately. Before Virgil can react, Anna slides right between his legs and leaps out of the open cage door! The crowd can’t believe it! Virgil spins around, dropping the chair as Anna’s feet touch the outside of the ring.
DING DING DING
Anna quickly grabs the lock and shuts the cage door, locking it shut.
Jenny Jersey: The winner of this match, and NEEEEEEEEEW REBEL Pro Aggression Champion! ANNA MATHEWS!
The crowd is on their feet as Virgil tries kicking the door open to get to Anna. Anna waves, and raises her new shiny to the cheers and camera flashes of the crowd. Meanwhile Wood is now on his feet, and does not seem pleased at all with this situation. As Virgil turns around, Marvin Wood hits the Imperfect Tense! The crowd loves it! Anna’s laughing! Wood is fuming! Keenan is knocked on his ass!
Linzi Martin: Well this was totally unexpected on so many levels. I really don’t know what to say.
Wood wipes the blood from his face and looks down at Virgil with discontent.
Larry Gordon: I think this situation is far from over…
Another Brick in The Wall
We see Jonathan Cage sitting in his locker room. He is staring at a monitor with some footage playing. We come around to view the monitor and we see the DVD Case to eWo’s The New Black of two thousand eleven. Cage has the remote in his hand and keeps skipping back to his match against his opponent this week Jake Norton.
Cage shakes his head as he watches himself lose the match in under two minutes. The words that Norton said to him after the face will ring in his mind forever.
Norton: I beat you in under two minutes you fucking twit.
After those words were spoken, Cage stands up and cuts the monitor to black. Then in one fowl swoop, he picks the monitor up and tosses it against the wall.
Cage: God damn it, I hate that motherfucker.
Cage starts throwing punches into the wall creating holes at every strike.
Cage: It was because of him that I adapted the attitude that led me to become eWo World Champion. Yet, what happened to me over a year ago is still a fucking thorn in my side. I was at my lowest point then and I was trying to be a nice guy. That son of a bitch took advantage of it and beat me senseless.
Another punch leading to another hole in the wall. He turns to face the camera as he puts his paint on his face.
Cage: Norton, ever since that day I’ve seen your ugly smiling mug every single fucking day. Yet everytime I get the chance for some redemption you run like a little bitch. Using the fact that you have one victory over me as a crutch to basically hide from what’s coming to you. And at Armed Assault when I saw your ugly fucking face sitting behind the announce desk I wanted to show your that I’m not the same man that you beat over a year ago. That’s why I held my submission move as long as I did to show you that I’m nothing to fuck with.
He takes a breath for a moment.
Cage: Fast forward to Aggression tonight, you and I are stepping inside the ring for the first time in over a year. Now there is no running and no hiding from my vengeance. Tonight, I’m going to end the cancer of professional wrestling. A years worth of waiting will finally come to a head and Norton, you will be just another brick in the fucking wall.
Cage pushes the camera away as he continues to destroy his locker room.
To The World, II
Violins and an innocent-sounding flute start the well-known John Williams score, main theme for Steven Spielberg’s E.T. Out of the curtain to a cozy reception, Jake Norton skips down the ramp, around ringside, then pulls himself onto the apron, performs a leg-split, and pulls himself by his fingers inside the ring, mimicking a certain diva that does this way sexier than stupid ‘Cancer Man’.
During a brief scene of a random tech handing Norton a microphone, chants of “Die! Die! Die!” erupt off in the distance; an obscure reference to Norton being cummed on by Chris Extreme in Sin Wrestling. Smirking at the clearly smarkish insult, Norton doesn’t bother responding; opting to ascend a nearby turnbuckle.
Jake Norton: “Last week, after travelling here, to great North Carolina-”
Pausing to hear the cheap pop Norton aimed for, the audience does not return love.
Jake Norton: “.. I was approached by some paparazzi guy from TMZ. That celebrity-stalker show on Fox. Anyway, I don’t know if you guys saw that, coz who actually watches that crap, is I right?”
Not as quiet as before, a handful shout stuff like ‘Faux News’ and ‘I’m a Lawyer!’
Jake Norton: “But he asked me some questions about Virgil, the masked gay I bashed last week.”
Finally, shouts of approval for Norton’s latest deed gives Jake the reception he wants. That’s what happens when you beat one of the most hated cunts in the AoWF today cleanly: recognition.
Jake Norton: “But in that same impromptu interview, I mentioned – actually, asked if viewers would duly note several questions I feel are crucial to my story in REBEL Pro. This week, I want to answer one of those questions, since, fortunately, my newest opponent is very much a polar opposite of me. The question being, “What challenge does Norton offer his peers?”
Inhaling so much air as quick as he did, you can tell Norton’s nose is congested; explaining his unusually extra-nasally tone. Could he be sick? Even if, Norton smirks as his eyes scan nameless faces in the crowd confidently.
Jake Norton: “I’ve been in many companies with Jonathan Cage. Hell, the last time I was in the ring with him, it was in epic wrestling organisation, at ‘The New Black’ – a pay-per-view show, where we opened the broadcast with me beating him in a record-setting seven seconds. Seven damn seconds! I laid his ass out with a mere lariat, and here we are, a full year later, coming face-to-face yet again. What has changed since then, I wonder?”
Giggly like the snot-nosed punk he is, Norton coughs twice afterward.
Jake Norton: “Jonathan Cage is hyping himself as the ‘final’ eWo Heavyweight Champion. Like any REBEL Fans give-a-fuck about that.”
Some whistle and laugh approvingly; Norton attempts to continue building this positive reaction.
Jake Norton: “I don’t want to take a big steaming crap on eWo since they are a well-known promotion, sure, but, they have lost sooo much credibility, it’s ridiculous. This promo won’t be turning into a tirade, but let’s just go over a quick ‘fact’ checklist. Hasn’t eWo fallen face-first into bankruptcy more than nine times?”
Rebel Fans: “Yes!”
Jake Norton: “Does any ‘homegrown’ wrestlers in eWo mean anything anywhere except at home?”
Rebel Fans: “No!”
Jake Norton: “Those two facts alone must mean eWo has major problems maintaining relevancy if they can’t keep production together longer than a few months. Hell, that’s embarrassing. But, hey, regardless of the zero-value people that make up whatever eWo was, Jonathan Cage beat someone, and he won the eWo title, therefore we must give him props!”
Mimicking Anna Mathew’s cheeky ‘golf clap’, Norton is suddenly caught off-guard after “The End is The Beginning is The End” starts playing! Though it doesn’t sound like it’s coming from the arena’s soundsystem? Realizing it’s coming from his jean shorts’ pocket, Norton’s left hand digs for the source; pulling out a cellphone.
Jake Norton: “Blah, how rude. Oh. Hey, what a coincidence? Let me take this call. One second, I promise. Hello, Fisher! .. Aye, I’m busy. Doing what? Why, cutting a promo on your boy! No, not Tony Edison. Not him, either. You give up? Jonathan Cage. Well, he says he’s your boy, blue. Yeah, I know, it was news to me too, since, you know, he said you were a failing, piece of shit earlier this year in UX. I know, Cage doesn’t really make sense. Yeah, I’ll let him know. Okay, I gotta finish this promo.”
Closing the phone lid shut, Norton drops it into his pocket whence it came.
Jake Norton: “John Fisher asks for you to stop associating yourself with him for heat, Cage. Besides, nobody really knows who that spaghetti-stuffing bastard is anyway. Which brings me full circle to that question I spoke of earlier; what challenge do I offer? It’s pretty big challenge; let me tell you, Cage. You want to fucking ride in on a high horse, slinging duel guns, wearing a golden star badge on your leather vest and a ten gallon hat to take away attention from your over-sized pumpkin head, yet, this silly fun image just won’t be the way we all look at you, space cowboy. You can’t fucking shoot, and you don’t know how to be truthful!”
Jumping backward off the second turnbuckle he’s stood on this entire time, Norton lands safely on the canvas and walks to another side.
“Everybody likes to shoot. Shooting is real cool, and these fans absolutely love it when people spit the truth because it’s so revealing. But, what truth is worth sharing? How does someone know what will captivate and manage to get themselves over? These are questions you should be asking yourself, Cage, instead of clinging to whatever nonsense you believe could work outside your ‘bubble boy’ mindset.
When Lisa Seldon reigned as REBEL World Heavyweight Champion, and she had to defend her title against some loser who proclaimed she’d lose to them because, hey, we all gotta fall off the mountain sometime, right? That might sound like a promising thought, but, reality of that is, Lisa, who was in her prime, kicking more ass than there was available to be kicked, didn’t have to do more than refer to the dozens of other Jabronis stacked in a mutilated 300esque pile behind her, and the challenging loser ended up joining that pile as well. You know why? That loser said or did nothing different than those dead losers behind Lisa.”
Giving people their due is so underrated.
“Point being, Jonathan, you are exactly like that faceless loser. You beat fucking Bobby Lee and arrive last week acting like you’re the Main Event. When these people know Bobby Lee, they know he’s not someone you can puff out your chest over, slick your hair back and do a nature boy strut. No, Cage, you need to fucking beat dudes who these fans hold in high regard. That’s how people take you seriously. They don’t care if you allegedly beat Lawrence Jarvis in an untelevised, unaccountable match for a defunct company’s top strap.
And I know the only reason you claim this is so you have an ounce of individuality to keep you from sounding and looking like just another guy. Why else would you boast? Just like how you wear face-paint and come out to Mudvayne, you think this look and sound is sooo alternative; counter-culture, even. Nope, you simply prove how desperate you are to be noteworthy, which is sad.”
A transcript of this promo would possibly read as if Norton’s sole goal is to just insult Jonathan, when in all actuality he comes across more so disappointed by Cage’s self-handling.
“Basically, everybody, Cage is having a hard time getting himself over. That’s why his last two matches were practically spoon-fed opponents. Bobby Lee is obviously shit and Johnny Maverick has fallen off so badly, dude may as well not bother showing. But this week? I’m his first actual challenge. I’m someone who has a lick of sense for this business. I understand you fans, and I know you want someone who’s competitive, who’s smart, and who can help the AoWF return to its dominant slot.
Look at Underground X. There is a promotion that tried to take a crack at taking AoWF’s high-ranking spot, and, let’s be honest; they might have become incredibly huge if not for their own self-deprecating madness. Now, Simon Kalis took advantage, and has eliminated the best competition AoWF has had in a long time. But who’s to say there won’t be others? AoWF is in a vulnerable position right now, because the talent is stale. They’re not leaders, they’re not entertaining, and they’re not even doing their fucking jobs: selling-out arenas!
That should be the first long-term success of any wrestler, just to put asses in seats, if nothing else. Can Jonathan Cage do that? Mister “I’ve Been In This Business Forever!” Cage? Be real, everybody. If Jonathan Cage were to be booked against Rob Robinson for the REBEL Heavyweight Championship, will any of you give a fuck? Will you rush to preorder tickets? No, you’ll likely find a stream on the internet, coz an event like that would be absolute rubbish.
This is why I am going to kill any momentum Jonathan Cage may have right now. He’s not fit to be a contender for any championship, thus I don’t want anyone to ever think he is. What Jonathan Cage needs to do is fuck off for a while, take off the face paint – this is not 80s America, go get some music advice from Marvin Wood, and, shit, while you’re at it, have Marvin Wood teach you a proper catch-as-catch-can technique. Coz your MMA skill is as good as Kimbo Slice.”
Damn, Norton. All this thu’um shouting!
“I’ve been watching PWA and TGW recently, and I’ve taken notice. I’m excited for the revolution. Adrian Kalis is right. Bitches like Jonathan Cage need to disappear. Cage, get out here so I can hide you under an orange flag, cunt!”
OH DAMN. Norton’s going to join the Orange Revolution!? He better win this damn match if he wants to join that.
Singles Match of Cancer
Jonathan Cage versus Jake Norton
Jenny Jersey: The following match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, already in the ring he stands in at 5 feet and 9 inches tall, weighing in at 153 pounds… He hails from…
Jenny looks up from her cue card to Norton. He motions her to keep reading.
Jenny Jersey: He hails from Mister Rogers Friendly Neighborhood! He is JAKE NORTON!!!!
The crowd has a mixed reaction for Norton, he stretches inside the ring with the ropes.
Jenny Jersey: And his opponent, he hails from Detroit, Michigan!
The lights dim as we hear some white noise over the PA system. Then as the white noise cuts out, a voice comes over the speakers.
“Wanna play a game?”
Then the lights come on instantly as “Forget to Remember” by Mudvayne blasts through the speakers. And standing at the top of the ramp is Jonathan Cage. He stares out at the crowd for a few moments before walking down to the ring. He slides in and goes to the far corner. He climbs and does his open hand crucifix pose for the crowd. He drops down as “Forget to Remember” fading away.
Jenny Jersey: Standing in at 6 feet and 6 inches tall! Weighing in at 235 pounds! “The Eternal” JONATHAN CAGE!!!!
DING DING DING
Both men begin circling the ring, Jake Norton sizing up Cage as Cage towers over him across the ring.
Linzi Martin: We’ve got a proverbial David versus Goliath match here tonight folks.
Larry Gordon: It does look like that. But Cage may be tall, but he is very lean and agile as well which is something I believe is a key ingredient to his incredible success throughout his illustrious career.
Norton moves in and hits a jab against Case, quickly jumping back and raising his fists in the air, playing up the crowd. He goes for another quick jab and again connects, Cage just missing him with a short arm clothesline. Norton again spins around, his arms in the air with fists clenched to the joy of the crowd. Norton taunts Cage and goes for another hit it and quit it jab attack but this time Jonathan Cage spears Jake Norton to the canvas and the crowd jumps up, the ring shudders from the impact. Cage with a springboard moonsault electrifies the crowd, quickly getting back to his feet. Cage lifts Norton up off the canvas and takes him right back down with an inverted DDT. He goes to the middle turnbuckle and goes for a diving elbow drop but Norton rolls out of the way.
Larry Gordon: Maybe if Jake focused on wrestling instead of coming on here and commentating he’d get his ass kicked less.
Linzi Martin: I prefer him, to be honest.
Norton back on his feet and taunts Cage, trying to rile him up while also playing to the crowd. A quick pendulum elbow cracks Cage hard, Norton with a spinning neckbreaker takes Cage down. Back to his feet Norton lifts Cage up by the hair this time, but Cage with a forearm smash gets loose of Norton and a low dropkick by Cage puts Norton back down. As Norton gets back to his feet Cage goes for his patented springboard roundhouse kick, Into The Light II! But Norton ducks under it safely and grabs Cage, PROCESS OF ILLUMINATION! Norton quickly covers!
DING DING DING
Jenny Jersey: The winner of this match, JAKE NORTON!
Norton quickly slides out of the ring and gives a big smile to the crowd. Cage sits up and looks out, shaking his head.
Fake Empire II
A second after viewers return from commercial break, “Game of Thrones Main Title” by Ramin Djawadi orchestrates through the soundsystem; assisting Wrestling’s Undisputed onto centre stage. Matching in style, both Undisputed Tag Team Champions are suited up in attire Barney Stinson would idolize. Little after arrival, Deicide raises a microphone he obtained backstage to his lips.
Deicide: “Last week, Simon Kalis booked ‘Golden Inferno’ against the Undisputed, and golden proved counterfeit whilst the flame dimmed by Wrestling’s Champions. We have eliminated one team from this unofficial tournament seeking to crown worthy champions to represent REBEL Pro against the big bad us. But, Simon Kalis, you need not to further your search for strong representatives. You now own Underground X, making us, Wrestling’s Undisputed, newly acquired talent. We have solved your champion dilemma. All you would have to do is recognize the gems Cesar and I hold as the Undisputed Tag Team Championships of REBEL Pro.”
Responding variously to Deicide’s suggestion, the crowd then watches Cesar receive the microphone from his partner.
Cesar Salazar: “While we will dearly miss Underground X, the animalistic and immoral promotion we helped built into the strange, indie phenomenon it’ll forever be seen as, Wrestling’s Undisputed doesn’t base its purpose around representing a mere company. We only bear the flag of tag team wrestling itself. Whichever promotion we find ourselves occupying simply reaps the benefits of claiming us as their champions. Here is an opportunity for you to be our cheerleader, Simon; to have REBEL Pro be our cherry-sweet girlfriend we’ll happily defend honorably and awesomely.”
Viewers at home can now distinguish a divide amongst tonight’s crowd, with some fancying Sal and Dei’s offer but others possibly finding them snotty.
Cesar Salazar: “We await your response, Simon. But this proposition isn’t the end of our segment, tonight. No, see, Deicide and myself have decided that, our small alliance could use some expansion. Especially since there is one other person in this crazy world of wrestling deserving to be acknowledged as someone Undisputed, too. Allow us this swell opportunity to introduce the third addition to our exclusive club. He is just like us.”
The lights in the building go out, and a buzz ripples through the crowd. After a few seconds of anticipation, a single light begins to pulse over the entranceway. A simple beat through the sound system syncs up with the pulse. It’s the opening to “Amazing (Heartbeats Remix)” by Kanye West. Some members of the REBEL audience recognize the tune, and a spark hits the arena. Suddenly, the lights come back on as Kanye’s lyrics hit, and Sean Robinson stands on the stage next to Salazar and Deicide. As always, he’s got that trademark Robinson smirk on his face, and as always, he gets a mixed reaction from the crowd. Some love him for his success in Underground X, but most hate him for his overall attitude as an arrogant asshole. He reinforces that second point now.
Sean Robinson: “Look at this audience here in Raleigh.”
A cheap pop for Robinson; what the hell is going on here?
Sean Robinson: “What a sorry collection of sister-fucking inbred.”
And he’s back to form and the crowd’s vulgar abuse rain down.
Sean Robinson: “No appreciation for greatness. No respect for their betters. That’s what I love about the REBEL crowd. You guys are just like me, aside from that whole sister-fucking thing. You don’t give a single fuck. See, I’m here in this company for one reason, and one reason only. I’m not here to preserve the legacy of Underground X. I’m not here because I need the money. I’m here for gold.”
Is he going to challenge for the tag titles with Deicide and Salazar? Will we see the return of the Freebirds Rule? Or maybe he’s going after Marvin Wood’s Aggression Championship…
Sean Robinson: “If there’s one thing that you fans need, it’s a solid dental plan with reasonable deductibles. Seriously, there are probably five full sets of teeth in this building.”
He really knows how to turn a crowd against him, doesn’t he?
Sean Robinson: “But if there are two things you need, the other one is a new champion. Someone who can represent the title appropriately: great technical ability, solid fundamental mat wrestling, and yes, the occasional chair shot. Aggression, that’s what a champion needs.”
It IS Marvin Wood’s title he wants, isn’t it?!
Sean Robinson: “But a champion needs more than just aggression. He needs to be… undisputed. He needs to be above all of the competition, with no doubt in anyone’s mind who the best in the business is. And as the longest-reigning Undisputed champ in Underground X history, I feel like I know what that means. But now I’m seeing a new challenge in front of me. I see another title, one that might even surpass the Undisputed belt in glory, given the right champion. And that champion just happens to be named Robinson.”
No way. He can’t be serious.
Sean Robinson: “Unfortunately for you, REBEL, the wrong Robinson is holding that belt right now. Don’t worry, I’m here to right the wrongs. So you want to know why I’m really here? I want a shot at The Phoenix.”
SEAN VERSUS ROB? ROBINSON VERSUS ROBINSON? BATTLE OF THE ROBBOS?
Sean Robinson: “Rob Robinson, I’m coming for you, nigga.”
The loud and vigorous reaction from tonight’s pumped crowd, accompanied by Linzi Martin and Larry Gordon selling the promo greatly, and Kanye West’s chart-topping tune, takes us into another commercial break.
Darkness, only the lights of the exit signs are lighting anything, and their glow barely reaches three feet in front of them and to either side. The crowd is a bit restless, their murmuring is loud in the darkness, imagine it to the sound of worms, beetles, and other decomposers burrowing into that of any unprotected grave. From the darkness someone begins to speak.
The voice is very recognizeable, it is that of Dale Petty/Bubba J. He begins a smoker’s laugh/cough combination.
“I’m sure that you are thinking that regardless of my name that I’m still the same old hardcore wrestler… excuse me… fighter and son, you’d be one hundred percent correct. You see, just because a name changes, it doesn’t mean that the person behind it changes, its just something for people to call you. Take Bobby Lee for instance, call him Virgil Keenan… and he’s still going to suck. Shadow Starr changed his name to Lucious Starr and he still sucks. Justin Case can come in here and call himself Ralph Keutor and he’s still going to be the worthless piece of shit that he is. In essence, my name has changed, but I’m still the baddest sumbitch that you are ever going to run across in this fed, in any fed, and in a few minutes… I’m going to prove that to you. I could say tick tock, but there is no way you’d hear the clock ticking over your own overinflated ego pumping you up and making you cock sure and proud.”
A flare in the darkness, a cigarette is lit as the lights seem to pause at sort of an ambiant light, not revealing much in the ring at all. Perhaps its even darker than that, because the shapes are only shapes.
“Inflate your balloon son, because its going to get popped just like a virgin’s cherry tonight… blood, pain, humiliation… all three are going to be in the package for the price of one defeat… your defeat Virgil.”
The sound of him exhaling is heard through the microphone, the crowd is now hushed.
“You can hate the hardcore aspect, because that is the way that you are; I don’t give a shit. Its like an opinion and they are just like assholes, every body has one. Am I going to tell you that your opinion is wrong?”
A slight pause.
“Nope, because that is exactly what you and everyone else is expecting me to do. I’m going to tell you that your opinion is just that, your opinion. Your wrestling, your technical wrestling, has gotten you a few things, hardcore fighting has gotten many other people many other things. I’m not going to say that I’m capable of out wrestling you, because I’m not able to; I admit that.”
“But at the same time, neither can you out fight me. In a paper bag, you’ll out wrestle me all day long… and I’ll knock that bag out of sight with a chair, a lead pipe, a C4 explosive… it doesn’t matter to me. You may be able to hold a pipe and get in some blows, you may even be able to swing a steel chair, but let me say… that I can do a headlock, an ankle lock, an Anaconda Vise… I can do some technical moves, but that doesn’t mean that I’m proficient with them. The same Virgil, goes for you and your hardcore ability.”
He takes a drag on the cigarette.
“Its not just a fighting style Virgil, its a lifestyle, its an art form, its what you have to do to survive… when you can’t technical wrestle.”
“I can’t really technical wrestle… but I can fight really damn good, I’ve had years of practice. You can tap a few skulls with a pipe, but I can make you bleed while you still think you’ve got a snowball’s chance in hell of making it out of the match with a win.”
“I can paint a masterpiece with both your blood and that of my own. I can make 3D pictures with both your flesh and that of my own. I can bring in an audio soundtrack with the screams of pain, the grunts of hurt, the gasps of breath, and the cheers of the fans. I can even bring in the sounds of your flesh being torn, the steel clanging against your skull, I can do all of that Virgil… not because I’m the best technical wrestler… but because I’m fuckawesome when it comes to hardcore fighting. I don’t just like it, I fucking love it.”
The crowd is whispering as he drags on the cigarette.
“You can say that hardcore isn’t art, but consider me Picasso when it comes to hardcore… I’m one of the best. You can say and believe all day long that hardcore gets you nowhere in this career. You can say that hardcore is nothing, but I’ve got one question for you Virgil before we face off later tonight…”
Lights flare up, three to be specific, they are trained on the following: 3 World Titles, 2 Tag Team Titles, 2 #1 Contender Cups, 2008 Best of the Best Tag Team plaque, 1 Global Championship, 1 PWA Tag Team Championship. Dale is no longer in the ring, his voice comes over the speakers still though.
“If hardcore isn’t legit, then how come I’ve got so many of these Championship belts, these plaques? Forget the ones outside of Rebel Pro for right now, focus in on the 3 Rebel Pro World Titles… how many of them do you have? Focus in on the 2 Rebel Pro Tag Team Championships… how many do you have? Focus in on the 2008 Best of the Best plaque, how many do you have? Focus in on the #1 Contender’s Cup, how many do you have?”
“Virgil, if hardcore isn’t legit, then where are all of your belts… technically?”
Laughter, fading to silence.
Because Virgin Keenan is a Cunt Match
Dale Petty versus Virgil Keenan
Just as the bell rings, Dale Petty comes stomping out, going right to the attack on Virgil, nailing him with a quick hook to the stomach. Virgil is unable to fight back from these body shots, making him drop to his knees, allowing a thirsty, violent legend to continue his damaging, battering him with softening blows to the back and neck region.
Pulling Virgil onto his feet, Dale strikes with some reckless headbutts, bashing himself against the glittery blue mask on Virgil’s bandaged face (that Anna Mathews match sure fucked him up), backing him into a nearby corner. In here, Dale maddeningly explodes with a flurry of jabs and occasional uppercuts, making sure Virgil is unable to move out of the cornered position! With gusto, Petty strongly whips Virgil across the ring, compelling him to slam violently into the opposite turnbuckles and follows after with a 250lb avalanche splash!
However, at the last second, Virgil slips through the ropes, out of the way! As result, Detty crashes chest-first against the upper turnbuckle, allowing for Virgil to jump off the apron and drop an elbow onto Dale’s upper spine, repeating this action six times! Up atop the turnbuckle, Virgil impressively lifts Dale Petty in order to drive forward into the canvas with a table-turning double underhook backbreaker!
Jake Norton: GOOD GAWD ALMIGHTY – DALE PETTY JUST GOT FUCKED BY AN ILLEGAL!
Linzi Martin: There’s NOTHING illegal about that! That is absolute redemption!
Larry Gordon: Alright, calm down, you two. It’s hard enough to call the match now that thousands of fans are screaming in joy.
Jake Norton: Somewhere backstage, Sean Robinson is chanting, “THIS IS WRESTLING”
Linzi Martin: God bless Sean Robinson.
Seven seconds later, Dale Petty isn’t a fan of this game-changer, though, as he hurriedly jets off the mat like a bear, going for a one-armed swinging neckbreaker. Sweating heavily, Virgil slips out of Dale’s meaty arm and sprints into the corner, instantaneously springing off the ropes and a flying uppercut knocks Dale onto his back! Right away, a rejuvenated Virgil Keenan cross presses Dale, going for a count, however, the second the referee strikes the mat for a one-count, Dale muscles Virgil off him, pushing him overhead!
Virgil goes right back on the attack, trying to keep the much larger man down and out, wanting to immobilize his strength factor. Despite the midsection kneeing and hand stomps, Dale Petty pushes his way to his feet, shrugging off the methodical strategy and grabs Virgil by the neck for some choking! In a second, Virgil swats Dale’s rough bear claws away, only to deliver a dropkick to the chest of Dale, which knocks him back a few steps. Popping back up, Virgil delivers a second dropkick, which sends Dale against the ropes, still on his feet!
Bouncing off the opposite set of ropes, Virgil comes storming back, hoping to take Dale down. But still very intact mentally, Dale ducks down, scoop lifting Virgil, hoping to send him airborne and drop him to the floor via release powerbomb. Luckily for the masked technician, he is able to pull Dale over-the-top-rope via hurricanrana! Landing safely on the ring apron, allowing him to dive off onto a rising Dale with an elbow drop, Petty is sent face-first into the concrete! Returning to the apron once more, just like the last elbow drop, Virgil dives off and hits Dale, who, unlike last time, is not stirring.
Larry Gordon: Those two elbow drops have made Dale look like silly putty.
Jake Norton: And Virgil didn’t need to use a half-nelson suplex to accomplish that this time!
Shoving Dale into the ring, Virgil sighs deeply before following his prone opponent. Three leg lariats later, Dale Petty rocks on the canvas in pain. Comfortable with this, Virgil pulls Dale up by his ears, spits in his face for some good heat from the audience, and then knees Dale directly in his jaw! Falling backward dramatically, Dale is covered by Virgil, but refuses to let Virgil pick up the victory! Sort of surprised by this, Virgil doesn’t hesitate to execute a rolling senton! Trying once more for a pin, again, it’s unsuccessful.
Watching Dale rise into a knelt position, Virgil charges forward to knee strike his baldheaded ass in the backside, but Dale ducks! Virgil staggers forward into the turnbuckle, turns around to eat a random kick to the groin, and take a ride to trailer trash park!
Jake Norton: STUNNER! STUNNER!
Linzi Martin: Seated three-quarter facelock jawbreaker!
Larry Gordon: Dale shoots for the cross!
Ah hell yeah! Dale Petty hooks the leg, and as the fans cheerfully sing-a-long with the referee, three counts are made, declaring Dale Petty the winner!
Watch The Throne
Backstage, Scottie Snow is standing guard outside a door with a nameplate that reads “The Phoenix” on it. He’s once again wearing his all white suit and stands at attention, seemingly ready to attack. This is not the Scottie Snow the AOWF is used to. Moments later, three men in hooded robes approach the door and Scottie nods, then lets them in.
Inside the room, the Phoenix is sitting on a very elaborate chair. A throne, if you will. His AOWF World title belt is set on a display stand next to him. The REBEL Pro World title is tossed carelessly on the ground.
The Phoenix: This… this is not a position I wanted to be in. It makes me physically sick to have to be known as the champion of a shit hole like REBEL Pro. But fate has stepped in my path and showed me a different route to my destination.
The Phoenix: This week I face a woman I’ve fought so many times in the past. And really, she is the very embodiment of everything that’s wrong with the AOWF today. What better way to continue my chain of destruction? I was going to take down the PWA first, but maybe this is better. After all, why should REBEL Pro get to stick around long enough to see the demise of the PWA? I started with Jethro Hayes and once I tore down the PWA’s favorite blood bag, why not make an example of a person that has no business setting foot in the ring, let alone in the ring with me.
The Phoenix: The key word there is “example”. I’ve got a request for the three of you tonight. I couldn’t care less about winning or losing in this company. What I do care about is making sure that after we’re done this evening that the entire world knows what is going to happen to the rest of the AOWF.
The hooded men nod as a grin spreads across the Phoenix’s face.
A Sea of Orange(or whatever)
We open to a sea of orange. Or is it oranges? We can’t tell and honestly, it doesn’t matter. What does matter is the two puppets in the life raft. One is a wannabe ninja while the other is Scottish as fuck. They salute the camera like dueling epileptics.
PuppetMasa: Muffle muff muffle muff uffle uf!
There’s a crooked grin from the OMGSpectre thing. But that’s all he can do with his head being made out of a pumpkin.
PuppetDyce: Take off your scarf, lad. They can’t hear ya.
A slight glance at said contraption causes many facepalms. It comes down forcefully.
PuppetMasa: Thanks. I really don’t need to sound like PuppetTeresa.
PuppetTeresa: WINS INNER WINS!
That gibberish seems to be coming from the pirate ship that snuck up from behind. The twosome look up to see a long telescope looking at the inflated bath toy. A rope dangles from the side and down comes PuppetLisa. She unleashes all the kicks, forcing the Adrian thing to swim in all that Vitamin C.
PuppetLisa: Attention, fucknuggets! Pay no mind to these cunts. The Alliance is just how it should be: dying at the hands of my greatness and your apathy. Be like Virgil Keenan and whine about life. Cry like little babies as I win all your titles. No-show a card because you lost a match.
Extreme close up.
PuppetLisa: I abort all your oranges!
The Seldonganger snatches an orange, snags a silly straw and proceeds to do just that. PuppetDyce gawks at her as a cloud of pixie dust appears.
PuppetLiza: Well, at least she’s not trying to kill herself.
Laddy looks over… and does a double take.
PuppetDyce: What the-
The magician sniffs his head.
PuppetLiza: You smell nice.
…We better get back to something normal before this turns into a fetish film. QUICK!
Non-Title Match: REBEL Pro World versus REBEL Pro Aggression Champion BONANZA!
The Phoenix versus Anna Mathews
The Phoenix locked Anna Mathews up right away to hold her down, knowing full well her tendency to go high flying. Phoenix with a hip toss takes Anna down. She’s back up, he follows it up with a short arm clothesline on the new Aggression Champion. Anna Mathews won’t go down though and she’s right back up, right into a spinning backbreaker from The Phoenix. Phoenix shrugs off the boos he gets every time he manages any sort of offense at all. Really, the REBEL fans boo him for every breath he takes. But his dominance doesn’t stop as Anna Mathews gets lifted up to her feet by her neck and hair by The Phoenix, who then takes her back down with a DDT. The REBEL Champion covers!
Anna kicks out, of course. Phoenix doesn’t relent, lifting her back to her feet but now Anna with a well-placed elbow puts a stop to all this Robinson nonsense. Another, this time a headspring back elbow that knocks The Phoenix flat on his ass. Anna springboard moonsault now, and she’s right back to her feet with the crowd rejuvenated and cheering her on. Anna bounces off the ropes, leg drop connects. Phoenix crawls away and gets to his feet. Anna rushes at him but Phoenix bends forward and then as she jumps his back he lifts and throws her out of the ring. He puts his hands on his knees, bending forward and shaking his head. As he turns around however, he finds Anna was on the apron and she jumps up onto the top rope and hits a springboard drop kick that wows the crowd. She covers!
KICK OUT! THE PHOENIX KICKS OUT!
Anna Mathews looks to continue her offensive now but as Phoenix gets to his feet, a short arm clothesline puts an end to those hopes for Anna. He locks in a Texas cloverleaf and wrenches the submission on Anna. She holds her head, shaking it no that she won’t quit even as The Phoenix continues to wrench the hold with a huge grin behind that stupid mask of his. Anna Mathews manages to reach for the bottom rope, but The Phoenix maintains the hold knowing even though a tap out now wouldn’t count he can still continue to do as much damage as possible. Finally relenting he lets go and steps forward, raising two arms in the air to the annoyance of the sold out crowd. Anna gets on her knees, still in pain. Phoenix turns and goes to give her a big boot to the face and send her to hell but she grabs his leg and quickly does the Mandala hineri which electrifies the crowd. She’s still in pain and shows it but as Phoenix gets to his feet, ANNA WITH THE BOOMERFLY KICK! SHE QUICKLY COVERS!
NO! Three men in hoods break the count and begin savagely beating down Anna Mathews. She can’t protect herself from the total onslaught as Phoenix gets to his feet and climbs the top rope. The Ashes! His top rope elbow drop crushes Anna’s chest cavity in and he hooks the legs.
DING DING DING
The Phoenix gets to his feet and quickly the ring gets pelted with garbage by fans at front row pissed off at what just happened. The three hooded men nod to The Phoenix, as he raises the AoWF and REBEL Pro world titles high. Anna Mathews rolls out of the ring and clutches her sides, as we fade to the asshole The Phoenix…
Justin Case defeats Jeremy Gold
Marvin Wood defeats Johnny Maverick
Jake Norton defeats Jonathan Cage
Anna Mathews defeats Marvin Wood to become the new Aggression Champion
Dale Petty defeats Virgil Keenan
The Phoenix defeats Anna Mathews
Underground X: Blacklist #42