Aggression 1-28-2013


“Whatever you Became” by Cold begins to play over the speakers. The Rebel fans jump to their feet for the remaining half of Fine Wine.

Larry Gordon: I suppose McNasty might shed some light on what happened to Alex Wilkie last week.

McNasty stops at the top of the ramp, and holds up his arm, getting a bigger response from the fans. He slowly makes his way to the ring, less than the normal jump in his step. When he reaches the ring, McNasty rolls in, and signals for his music to stop. He speaks.

McNasty: Last week, my best friend Alex Wilkie was hospitalized.

A couple of boos from the crowd.

McNasty: Sadly, just like in our match against Allen Chaney a few weeks ago, Alex was unable to defend himself due to his current health and weight issues.

Linzi Martin: So sad.

McNasty: Right now, Alex is in the hospital, trying to get better. I spoke with some of the hospital staff, and they said he should be able to start physical therapy in a few weeks. Additionally, they will work with him on his weight. And man, I couldn’t be happier.

Larry Gordon: That sounded a little off.

McNasty: You see…as I said, Alex is my best friend. It has been killing me for weeks now to see what he has become. He’s let his weight go, and it’s obviously effecting his in and out of ring life. And that’s why, when he was lying on the ground in a pile of his own blood, barking out, “WHY MARK? WHY!”, I told him it was for his own good.

Linzi Martin: What…

Stunned silence from the crowd.

McNasty: What kind of friend would I be to sit back, and continue to let Alex gorge himself like a black hole? The man couldn’t fight off a foot on his throat, or get off his back! He needed a wake-up call! And I was the only person willing to give it to him.

The initial shock is over. The fans are going crazy with boos. Some are throwing drink cups.

McNasty: Alex was no longer the man I was proud to call my tag partner. He wasn’t the same man from Grade-A Nastyness who won the tag team titles with me. He was no longer the man I had wars with in the Blazenwing Wrestling Federation for the US title.

McNasty doesn’t sound angry. He sounds distressed, and frustrated.

McNasty: It was killing me to see Alex do this to himself. I tried talking to him. I tried being subtle. Hell, I tried not being so subtle. But nothing got through to him! DON’T ANY OF YOU GET IT??? Because he didn’t…And I wasn’t going to sit back and let my best friend die because I didn’t get through to him! The next twinkie he stuffed in his bulging gullet might as well have been a loaded gun! I did what I had to, and because of me, Wilkie has a chance to go back to who he was. He has a chance to get better, and become someone who can be respected again.

McNasty lets the mic fall to his side for a second as he looks down. The boos are still coming, as people continue to pelt the ring with whatever random items they can find to throw.

McNasty: As hard as Wilkie always fought to gain respect, no one ever gave it to him. He won the PWA Who’s the Man…He was BWF Tag Champion, PWA Grizzly Beer Champion, PWA World Champion…but it was never good enough. When Allen Chaney forced Wilkie to tap by choking him with his foot…that was the final straw. I did what I had to, for my friend. And if you idiots can’t get that…too damn bad.

McNasty drops the mic, rolls out of the ring, and begins marching to the back. Fans throw whatever they can get in their hands at him as he marches up the ramp.

Larry Gordon: Even I think that’s twisted.

Linzi Martin: I somehow doubt Alex Wilkie would appreciate what his “friend” did for him.

McNasty marches through the curtains to the back where he is met by Marvin Humperdink.

Marv: Hi Mark. I

McNasty: Who are you?

Marv: I’m

McNasty: Don’t care. Here about Jaice Wilds…right?

Marv: Well, yes, I

McNasty: I want to make this perfectly clear, and I want to do it quick; as Jaice is not worth the time it takes to say his name. Jaice Wilds is insignificant. He’s cannon fodder, enhancement talent, a jobber, whatever the hell you want to call him. In my world, at this point after beating him so many times, Wilds is a flee, on the butt of a dog, on a leash, in a fenced in yard. He isn’t intimidating, he gets nothing done, and you only know he’s around because once in a while the dog scratches it’s ass. He’s an automaton. He shows up, gets in the ring, rolls around for a minute, loses, and goes back to the backstage area; just to fly to another city to wash rinse and repeat. On the rare occasion he wins, it is only because whatever opponent he is fighting, is broken. It happens to the best of us. Every once in a while, someone is off their game. Whether something is on their mind, they’re injured, or who knows what. But the end result is Jaice Wilds squeaks by. Quintessentially, it’s the same as him going into the woods, finding a dead bear stuck in a trap, and shooting it in the back of the head. He walks away with a bear pelt, not caring how he acquired it. And the saddest thing of all is any attempt to really explain this to Wilds would be in vein. That over inflated ego of his somehow acts as a shield, protecting him from the harsh reality that is his life. So end results is, even if I tried to tell Wilds he a nobody, a never-will-be, and a waste of human flesh, he wouldn’t care. I could talk about all the things I’ve done that he will never do; he still wouldn’t care. I could go step by step, listing every single lose he has ever had…which is a lot…and say, THIS HAPPENS ALL THE TIME; YOU SUCK! He’d still emit that undeserved arrogance that he has done nothing to deserve, and try to tell me he will whoop my ass. That…whoever you are…is why I will not stand here, and go through all the hoops and bs that most people do when talking down to an opponent. Because no matter what I say, Wilds is going to pretend it doesn’t exist. And to me, instead of standing here spitting out words he won’t ever acknowledge, I’d rather go to the ring, and give him a pair of matching black eyes he has to squint at every morning. I’m done.

McNasty shoves past Humperdink, leaving Marv looking bewildered.

The Roof is on Fire

As we fade in, we come to view Maya Kalis squinting as she gazes over the office of General Manager she now finds herself in. She tip toes by the desk, staring mournfully at the papers stacked and waiting for her to go through. Jeremy Gold is just outside the office door, peeking in momentarily before quietly slipping away down the hall. Maya finally takes a deep breath and sits down, basking in the glory of her newfound position. She shoves that stack of papers off her desk and pulls herself in. Tapping the desk, she doesn’t seem to know what to do with herself.

Maya: Why would anyone want this job?

It’s then she notices an odd looking phone on the desk, one with an LCD screen. She turns it on, and finds a varied selection of apps from Twitter to Facebook to Youtube and more. She examines it, puzzled, until it begins to ring. She cocks an eyebrow, and then picks up the phone.

Maya: Hey…

On the screen sits Adrian, staring back at her through his bandaged face.

Adrian Kalis: Settling in well, Maya?

Maya: Yeah I guess… Fuck is this contraption?

Adrian Kalis: It’s a video phone. I made sure one got put in the office, and since I see you’re in a blazer and not a white tanktop with no bra on you’re taking this job seriously.

Maya scoffs.

Maya: Well, yeah! I got power! Did you know that when I got here this morning I was going over all the contracts REBEL Pro has?

Adrian Kalis: And?

Maya: Well, we’re paying a lot of people who never even show up to work! So I fired them all.

Adrian coughs, clears his throat and leans forward.

Adrian Kalis: Who?!

Maya shrugs.

Maya: Those Uproars dudes. Gone! Might & Magic?! Jethro Hayes?! Gone! Matthew Engel?!

Adrian Kalis: Let me guess.

Maya: Gone! I’m cleaning house here. Doing good things.

Adrian Kalis: I’m glad to see you haven’t let the power get to your head…

Adrian we imagine, rolls his eyes.

Maya: Done checking up on me?

Adrian leans back, sighing heavily.

Adrian Kalis: Listen…

Maya: You’re not my brother?! I fucking KNEW it! So which one of us is adopted? I imagine it’s you.

Adrian puts a clenched fist forward from where he is.

Adrian Kalis: Maya. Get out.

Adrian motions someone to him, our image of where he is becomes clearer. He’s in his hospital bed, with his own videophone by his side. He is helped with lighting a cigarette, because fuck the rules.

Maya: Still mad Lacey Gloria dumped your ass after dad burned half your face off?

Adrian Kalis: No. The fun and games are over. You need to leave that building right now Maya.

Maya perks up, suddenly this has gotten a bit more serious.

Maya: And why would I do that? Don’t get jealous with me because I’ve finally got a purpose around here.

Adrian Kalis: Maya. I knew you wouldn’t listen. But I also knew I had to give you fair warning.

Maya: Warning? For what?

Adrian Kalis: I’ve made some deals from this fucking prison they call a hospital.

Maya: You’re talking about UX coming back in Mexico?

Adrian Kalis: Not just that. I’ve made a deal with someone who is going to do some bad things tonight there.

Maya: Oh God. You’re bringing Legion back aren’t you?

Adrian Kalis: Legion? What, no. What is about to happen will change everything, Maya.

Maya: And why’s that? Because I’m now the uber Kalis by virtue of you and dad murdering each other last month?

Adrian leans back as a nurse comes up behind him, and begins unraveling the bandages over his face. He flicks the ash from his cigarette into a cup and waits. The crowd in the Aggression Arena gasps, and Maya herself covers her mouth.

Adrian Kalis: No, sweet sister.

Adrian takes a drag off his smoke, exhaling as we look over how black and red his burned skin is over his face.

Adrian Kalis: Because by the end of this night, I won’t be the only one burning.

Adrian winks, and hangs up. Maya leans back, shrugs and then spins around in her big leather chair.

Maya: My entire family is fucking insane.

And with that, we fade to ringside…

Singles Match

Jaice Wilds versus Mark McNasty

With both Jaice and McNasty in the ring, McNasty sought to immediately put an end to Jaice Wilds. He started off by whipping Jaice into the ropes, and as Jaice came back Jaice attempted a cross body splash but Mark McNasty caught him, spun him around and took him down with a body slam that shook the ring. Jaice back on his feet with Mark but McNasty wasn’t about to relent. McNasty whipped Jaice into the ropes once again, but this time Jaice with a springboard back elbow cracked McNasty in the chest. All this did was have McNasty stumble back and leave Jaice prone, to which McNasty dropped and applied a sleeper hold. Wrenching the move, McNasty said not a word as the much smaller man in Jaice Wilds was struggling to get out of the hold. Kicking the canvas, Jaice began to lose conscientiousness. McNasty continued to wrench the hold.

The referee raised Jaice’s hand once, it dropped. He raised Jaice’s hand twice, it dropped. He raised it for a third time, but at the last second Jaice Wilds showed some life in him as he began desperately banging his fist backwards in an attempt to punch his way out using McNasty’s face. Mark McNasty let go and lifted Jaice back up to his feet, then headbutt him for good measure. Jaice stumbled backwards then hit a springboard superkick on McNasty that sent the former Aggression Champion into the ropes. Jaice with a dropkick puts McNasty down. He covers! 1! KICK OUT! And a powerful kickout at that as McNasty throws Jaice Wilds off of him. Jaice now up and so is McNasty. Jaice Wilds with a spinning heel kick pushes McNasty back. Jaice goes to the top rope but McNasty follows him and hits Totally Nasty! Jaice shakes in the ring as McNasty climbs to the top rope himself now, and hits Malicious Intent! The crowd goes nuts as McNasty covers, hooking the leg.




Winner: Mark McNasty

Fathers of Undisputed

Back from commercial break, all three members of Wrestling’s Undisputed are stationed inside the ring already, with both World Heavyweight Championship and Undisputed Tag Team Championships present among either their waists or shoulders, donned proudly. Music is fading out, so the trio must have finished their entrances seconds ago in accordance to home-viewers returning.

What can be gathered by Sean Robinson, Cesar Salazar and Deicide’s stances is a sense of fulfillment, and sartorial confidence with how they present themselves — Deicide is a crafty southerner said to be a few riveted buttons short of a full denim camicia di forza (known stateside as a Texas turtleneck). Cesar Salazar has the ability to put together 2 million disguises with just 25 well-curate pieces. Having a face so damn handsome, no one even notices Sean Robinson is pairing a new Bruins jersey with old ragged jeans.

Stepping forward with a microphone in hand, Cesar Salazar delays his speech to look over the crowd once more.

Cesar Salazar: “Few weeks removed from Merry Time Massacre, Wrestling’s Undisputed stands before you all as Undisputed Heavyweight Champions of the World, just as we said we’d be. Sean Robinson, who was thrown off the top of the hell in a cell but remarkably managed to catch himself with a single hand, came back to overcome the odds by trademark finishing Phoenix with his patented Tiger Driver 91 – a move so ferocious and unforgiving, when Phoenix was driven through the cell rooftop and inevitably crash-landed onto the canvas way below, the former Champion was seemingly temporarily paralyzed. And where has he been since? Likewise to that devastation, Johnny Maverick was driven through a table outside the ring by my partner Deicide via jumping spike piledriver from atop a turnbuckle. And Anna Mathews? Well, I merely had to push a ladder over with my feet to send her falling backward to the outside of the ring and through an announcer table – a move I’m not necessarily proud of per se but I do take pride in my strength to see the match through.”

A pause is taken for Cesar to briefly smile.

Cesar Salazar: “Our accomplishments at Merry Time warms my heart. We’ve conquered, we’ve divided and now we must continue this pummeling all because the image of REBEL Pro must be reshaped to fit that of one with depth, vision and quality. Depth: our promise to restore the dignity in these tag championships by not just winning the belts but the build to them would be full of thorough victories over countless tag teams, which we’ve done so mercilessly for the past six months without one loss. Vision: to redefine ‘Undisputed’ not as an arrogant title but one given to those who’re capable of innovative techniques, unparallel aptitude and attractive personalities; three men willing to become REBEL’s poster icons and add diversity to its one-dimensional exploitation of violence. Quality: when we wrestle a match, you fans know damn well it’ll be a blockbuster- a match that many will remember for years to come. When we vow to defeat someone or accomplish a particular objective, we see it through. No bullshit excuses. No attempts to save-face. We’re accurate and realistic in your perceptions of us.”

Handing the microphone over to Deicide, the Sacred steps forward to speak whilst Salazar steps back into line next to Robbo.

Deicide: “You people all heard The KKK try very hard to dispute us in the build to Merry Time. They talked about ending the ‘UX Invasion’ – when, uh, they’ve been a few months late on that story arc- and just winning because, well, shucks, that’s what they do, right? Evidently, no. Salazar and I beat the piss out of them. We made damn sure to remind those remaining two tag teams ‘Fine Wine’ and ‘Toughest Bastards’ that your petty attempts to call us pretentious, overrated and whatever other unfunny, unwarranted ‘truths’ you try to throw at us won’t stick simply because that’s not how you go about disproving us. If you wish to be Undisputed REBEL Tag Champions, I suggest, of all things to do first, for you miserable shits to act like TEAMS. None of you act like a team. Hell, rumors are abound that KKK might be splitting up soon since they can’t seem to do much right. What kind of message is that? If they do split, which isn’t unreasonable to believe, that just goes against their whole speech two weeks ago about winning the tag belts so that they can DO REBEL JUSTICE!”

Deicide spits at the canvas.

Deicide: “Disgusting. Truly, you two are insufferable. Maverick, a guy who tries so hard to be a funny, likable and in-ring badass, only manages to conjure the personality of a lonesome teenager who watches reruns of Friends and thinks that’s the sort of humor people are into. It’s not cute to steal our lifestyles, Johnny. We actually do badass shit and be likable just by wrestling topnotch matches and saying credible stuff. It’s really that simple, John. That’s all people want from us wrestlers: truth. Why do you think they call ‘shoots’ shoots? It’s because a bullet generally injures someone badly upon collision due to its piercing speed and accuracy. Therefore, Johnny, when we merely say we’re the best tag team in the world – well, when you’ve defeated as many people as we have and the execution of it all is kept in mind, it’s really hard to dispute.”

Deicide steps back to give the microphone to fellow Undisputed member, Sean Robinson.

Robinson: “As my colleagues have pointed out, Undisputed isn’t just a word. It’s not a title you carry around. It’s a lifestyle. It’s a way of being. If you’re not Undisputed from birth, you’ll never become it. You can’t earn that. It has to be ingrained in your DNA, your very soul. Otherwise you’ll always be second-best.

Speaking of second-best, where’s Rob-Rob lately? I haven’t heard from him since I sent him crashing through the roof of that cell back in Montreal. Probably scurried back to PWA like the cockroach he is. Or more likely, wheeled himself back there. If his arms even work enough to push a wheelchair. Maybe he got one of those blow-tubes like Christopher Reeve had.”

The off-color joke elicits a groan from the audience, but Robbo has a good chuckle regardless.

Robinson: “As for my arm, no problem. Just a minor dislocation, no torn muscles or ligaments. Looked pretty great on TV, though. Got a chance to watch a replay of that match this week, and damn I looked good. Which really makes me wonder why anyone would bother stepping into the ring with me. I’m the greatest champion in two different companies now, and let’s face it, there’s not much competition for this belt anymore. I don’t even know who the number one contender is.”

Deicide leans over and whispers something in Robbo’s ear, and the Heavyweight Champ bursts out in a fit of laughter.

Robinson: “ALLEN CHANEY? HA! Now that’s a joke. Jesus, that’s the level of competition I’ve got to face here? This company is fucking pathetic. Allen goddamn Chaney is the number one contender… You know what, fuck it. Allen, you can come for your title shot any time. If you think I’m going to worry about some fat fuck with a terrible set of mutton chops, you’ve got another thing coming. Next month, next week, hell tomorrow for all I care. Let’s book this shit and get your beating over with.”

It’s Confidence

Allen is in the Kitchen area of the apartment he is currently sharing with Johnny Maverick. A woman getting dressed exits Johnnys room and walks out the door, leaving the apartment. Johnny enters in whatever he had near him when he woke up, which ended up being torn jeans and a sleeveless ‘Dead Kennedys’ t-shirt. Allen takes a bite of his granola bar.

“You’re an asshole.” says Allen.

“Why am I an asshole?” asks Johnny as he stretches and grabs a thing of pop-tarts from the freezer.

” ‘Make like a tree and be outside of my house’ “Says Allen, quoting what he heard Johnny tell the young woman moments earlier. Johnny chuckles.

“Ha, yeah. She knew I was kidding. There’s a camera here.” says Johnny.

“Yup, for the promo we were supposed to start recording. 20 minutes ago” says Allen.

“You seem grouchy. Why are you grouchy? Do you need to get laid? I can make that shit happen.” says Johnny, whipping out his cellphone to call Allen a hook-up.

“This is my last match with REBEL Pro.” says Allen. Johnny throws his phone out the window in surprise.

“WHAT!? Why? Are you flaking out on me?” asks Johnny, ready to smack his student around a bit.

“No man… because of that little Ladder match my contract isn’t with REBEL Pro…it’s with Simon Kalis. And given some recent events, this is going to have to be my last week on REBEL programming.” says Allen.

“Shit…alright. Hey man, it’s cool. You could probably work anywhere now. You could go work for PWA!” says Johnny. Allen quirks an eyebrow.

“Alright, bad example, but after this match… maybe you could….I could…” says Johnny, gripping at straws.

“That’s the thing man…after this match, I honestly have no idea what the hell is gonna happen to me.” says Allen.

“Hey man…you’ll figure something out. This is the shit we’re good at. Overcoming the odds and all of that stuff. Don’t worry about rent this month man. I’ve got it. You just focus on yo shit. Jay Mizzle has got this.”

“…Thanks, man.” says Allen. Johnny gives him a friendly slap on the shoulder and goes to where they were going to film the promo. Allen sighs and takes out his iPhone. He calls a number he’d been ignoring for a little bit and waits for them to pick up.

“So….Mexico, huh?”


We open on Allen Chaney and Johnny Maverick standing in the middle of the ring in ‘Dannys Dungeon’, a training facility owned by Johnnys father, the legendary Danny Daemon. Allen has something behind his back and Johnny has his signature weapons. A pair of chrome knucks linked together by a chain. Perfect for ground and pound and choking.

“So, here we are again. Only this time we have an X-factor.” says Johnny.

Allen waves happily, not pulling his other hand from behind his back.

“This X-factor has shown himself to be a force to be reckoned with in both REBEL Pro and Underground X. On several occassions showing he is more than capable of handling several opponents at a time. He is a monster, a beast, and one of the few men to ever win the AOWF World Title in their rookie year. This man has a chance to show the world that he is the rightful number one contender by way of much more than a trophy and he is going to take that opportunity like every other opportunity he has been handed and slam a fucking touchdown with it.” says Johnny.

“This is me, right?” asks Allen. Johnny just rolls his eyes.

“This man is Allen Chaney. The Comedian.” says Johnny.

“And my partner” says Allen, “Is a REBEL Pro legend. He’s a triple crown champion, The last ever Carolinas Champion and the first ever Aggression Champion. He is The Sadistic Sexy Symbol, The Filth and The Fury, The Smartass Submission Machine, The Guru of Ground and Pound, and an expert in military martial arts…for some reason that was never adequately explained to me. He is Johnny Maverick!” says Allen. Johnny accepts the adulation of the imaginary audience all around him.

“And OUR partner.” says Johnny.

“DAT ASS!” says Allen, Johnny quirks an eyebrow in his direction. “What? Simons dead or something, someone has to do it.” says Allen, Johnny kind of shrugs in agreement.

“Our partner is a reality-bending, high-flying, shiny-collecting, future hall of famer with control over an army of puppets and the night emissions of teenage boys. She is one half of ‘Kontroversy Kreates Kake’, she is Anna Mathews and SHE….isn’t here. It’s really hard to keep up with her, she isn’t in our dimension half of the time.” says Johnny.

“Anyway, our opponents are the Underground X DARLINGS; Deicide, Cesar Salazar, and Sean Robinson who is as bland in the ring as his name is. I’m going to enjoy watching him burn.” says Allen.

“Like, metaphorically?” asks Johnny. Allen shakes his head and pulls the gas can from behind his back.

“No like, I’m gonna set this motherfucker on fire when I get the chance. Maybe piss on him once the flames have died down. This fucking asshat is every motherfucker in high school who ever tried to keep me down and unlike high school he is in a situation where I can beat the fuck out of him and not end up arrested. When I step in that ring with him he is going to receive the figurative unlubed ass-fucking of his life. When it comes time for me to face him I am going rearrange his limbs until he looks like something from a Guillermo Del Toro movie, then light him the fuck on fire. That is a promise. Him and everyone else who treats me like a second class citizen because I’m different is on alert. Things are about to stop going well for you.” says Allen, his eye twitching a little. Johnnys eyes widen.

“Damn, dude.” says Johnny.

“What?” says Allen, regaining his composure.

“Nothing. I like the intensity. Go with it. I’m just going to be super pissed at you if I end up on fire. Anyway. Deicide and Cesar Salazar pulled out a win against Anna and I. Congratulations. Really. We were focused and determined but on that night you were better. At Aggression? I intend to be better than that. That might sound like I’m simplifying things but simplicity is what works for me. I’m looking forward to tangling with you two again. I’ve had my share of losses lately, so has Anna. It has given me a lot of perspective and honestly? This is all still really fun to me. I know my team can beat yours. We’ve got all the ingredients. An Angry Powerhouse, an Unpredictable High-Flyer, and a skilled Technician. It’s honestly just a matter of getting out there and beating you. I’m not being cocky, I’m being confident. I’ve got confidence in spades and it’s high time I got off of my ass and showed the world exactly why that is.” says Johnny. He and Allen exchange a fist pound that turns into a more complicated best friend handshake.

“Accept your loss with some degree of dignity, guys.” says Allen.

“Just lie back and think of England.” says Johnny.

“See you in the ring.”

Six Man Tag Team Match

Wrestling’s Undisputed versus The KKK and Allen Chaney

With Alan Stone in the ring, the main event of the evening was set to begin. On one side of the ring, stood a united force known as Wrestling’s Undisputed, a collection of individuals set out to dominate the wrestling world. Sean Robinson, the Rebel pro World Champion, Cesar Salazar and Deicide, the remaining members and holders of the Rebel Pro Tag Team Championship flanked either side. In the other corner stood former Rebel Pro World Champion, Anna Mathews, set to do battle along with her tag team partner, Johnny Maverick and his former protégé, Allen Chaney. Allen, the most inexperienced of the three is nevertheless the holding of the Number One Contender’s Trophy, an accolade that provides him a unique opportunity to gain a championship match whenever he so chooses. Enough background, let’s get to the punches!

That’s how most these matches start and this one is no exception. Anna was the first to make a move, dashing across the ring and going straight after Robinson. Sean guarded himself as Anna threw hands, getting quickly swarmed by the other members of the WU. Johnny and Allen were quick to her aid, Allen peeling off Deicide and Johnny going low on Cesar. Maverick and Salazar rolled out of the ring in a brawl, Mathews fought her way out of the corner, taking a few steps away to regain herself, Sean going in for the kill early. He grabs a hold of Anna, shoving her back into the far corner, leaving Chaney and Deicide on the other side of the ring, exchanging right hands. Allen is getting the upper hand with brawling, and it’s at this point where Deicide goes low and uses his explosive power and knowledge of leverage to get Allen up off his feet and dumps him quickly out of the ring!

Anna was propped up on the top turnbuckle by Robinson when the camera comes back to them, Sean climbing up to grab her. He hooks a front chancery on Mathews, looking for the big superplex, but Anna blocks it! Mathews connected with a head but, staggering the champ, but not knocking him off. Anna grabs Sean by the ear and pulls as hard as she can, Sean’s head following his ear, as well as his body right off the corner crotching himself on the nearby ropes! The crowd cheers as Anna slowly stands, keeping her balance and leaping off the corner with a modified Boomerfly kick! Her foot connects with Sean’s head, Anna grabbing the apron to slow her fall to the ground, Sean not so lucky as he crashes down inside the ring, holding his temple.

The camera pans to Maverick who is being rammed into the barricade by Salazar, the ruckus crowd getting into every move. Cesar grabs a cup of beer from one of them and tosses it in Johnny’s face, enraging the former Rebel World Champion. That’s right folks, I didn’t forget, there are two former World Champions on this team. Johnny fires an elbow at Salazar, backing him up as a second flies in, connecting with his jaw. Maverick doubles Cesar over with a boot to the midsection, hooking his arms behind his back and flipping him over, Salazar’s body colliding with the barricade! Oops, Johnny broke him.

On the other side of the ring, Deicide went out to meet Allen and continue the aggression. He threw some punches at Allen, who was trying to get back to his feet. Deicide connects with a knee lift to Allen, trying to pick him up for a slam, but Chaney sandbags him, connecting with an elbow to the side of the head. Chaney grabs Deicide quickly and throws him towards the announce table, Deicide hitting his ribs on the corner of the table. Allen approaches, looking to put his adversary through the table, but Deicide counters with a rake to the eyes. Ducking low, Deicide lifts Allen up quickly and falls backwards, planting Allen through the table with a flap jack! The table explodes on impact, garnering several swear words from Larry Gordon on commentary. Getting back up, Deicide looks over where he sees Anna now getting back into the ring to cover Sean after her kick. It gets to a one count before Deicide pulls her back out and connects with a stiff uppercut. He spots Johnny getting in the ring and slides in after him.

Deicide and Johnny met in the middle of the ring, throwing the right hands again, Deicide getting the early advantage of the exchange by blocking a punch and getting Johnny in a hammer lock. Maverick, being no slouch in the submission game knew he had to reverse the torque on his arm to get out, which he does flawlessly and counters with his own hammer lock, though he quickly transitions it into a cross face, using his new found leverage to connect with a stiff lariat, knocking Deicide to the mat. As Deicide is starting to get up, Maverick hits the ropes and comes back, connecting with a stiff shoetie to the face. Oh fuck, my face, is what Deicide would be saying if his entire head wasn’t feeling numb at the moment. Smelling blood, literally, Maverick waits for Deicide to start getting up before he hits the ropes again, coming back looking for a one handed bulldog to transition into his Failure to Launch, but the Failure to launch fails t start as Deicide counters with a sidewalk slam! Moving swiftly, Deicide lifts Johnny up into a crucifix position, flipping him down into a devastating DDT! The Law of Entropy connects and Johnny is out, but Deicide has but a few seconds to enjoy his success as he’s rabbed by the back of the head by the returning Allen Chaney, who scoops Deicide up and drops him straight on his head with a cradle piledriver! That, my friends, is the Punchline of this match, at least it would have been had it not been for that meddling Salazar, who is waiting for Allen. He wraps his arms around Chaney’s large frame and picks him up a few feet off the ground, dropping him straight to the mat with the Here it is Driver. It only garners a 2 count though as Anna breaks up the follow up pin. Anna’s had enough of Cesar’s shit and launches into a Big Ball of Violence, leaving Salazar crippled by the end of the punches, kicks and the occasional low blow, because why the fuck not. Salazar ends on the mat and Anna goes to the top rope again, leaping off, rotating in the air like some sort of rotating animal and lands hard across Salazar’s body, connecting with her Slash and Burn. She makes the cover, but at two it’s the World Champ who’s back for more. Sean lifts Mathews up to her feet, doubling her over quickly with a kick to the midsection. He takes a second to smack DAT ASS and hooks her arms up, lifting her in the air and dropping her straight down on her shoulders and neck! Sean makes the cover here, but it’s broken up by…wait, that’s everyone, isn’t it? Yeah, after his Tiger Bomb, Anna’s too beaten to kick out and Stone finds a three count.


Jenny Jersey: The winners of this match! The team of Deicide, Cesar Salazar and Sean Robinson! WRESTLING’s UNDISPUTED!

Let That Motherfucker Burn

The REBELTron lights up and we pan the sold out crowd in The Aggression Arena, and it becomes readily apparent this crowd tonight is extremely drunk. And why not, with REBEL Pro offering free beer all night. The camera pauses over the REBELTron, flanked on either side by The Order of Chaos flag. “Fully Alive” by Flyleaf hits and for a moment, the crowd is unsure of who’s coming but that confusion is quickly replaced with a loud chorus of cheers.

Jenny Jersey: Introducing. She is the acting General Manager of REBEL Pro. MAYA KALIS!!!!!!

Maya steps out from behind the curtain, looking almost entirely different than what most of us have come to expect. She is dressed in an exquisite red flowing strapless dress, looking more the part of an actress heading to the Oscar’s than a wrestling GM.

Linzi Martin: And then, there was one.

Larry Gordon: You’d think they’d let me take control back, don’t you? Yet because there remains one Kalis, that job falls upon this little girls shoulders.

Linzi Martin: Give her a chance, Larry.

Larry Gordon: We’ll see how long she lasts.

Maya slaps the hands of fans as she passes by, seemingly forcing a smile but the stress is evident on her face from the bags under her eyes.

Larry Gordon: She is doomed.

Linzi Martin: Don’t talk like that. Her brother and father are hospitalized with terrible injuries, she’s now taking care of her young nephew and on top of it has inherited a worldwide company.

Larry Gordon: You are naïve, Linzi.

Maya enters the ring carefully, and waves at the fans with a smile as Jenny hands her the microphone.

Maya: Thank you.

The crowd is on their feet applauding, and as the camera pans we see plenty of smiles and toasts going on with foamy mugs of beer.

Maya: We are in a transitional period in not only REBEL Pro, but the AoWF as a whole. I know I’m probably not the most trusted or respected source to hear that from, but it is what it is. And when you spend a lot of time on the bench and watching the game up close and personal, you get a different perspective than most would. And so, yes. I have come REBEL Pro’s General Manager while my brother recovers from that insane match he had with our dad for control of REBEL Pro. But that doesn’t mean he hasn’t already begun making moves from a hospital bed. As some of you are aware, Underground X has reopened in Mexico through the financial backing of the Kalis family.

There’s a mixed reaction for that news, what does that even mean?

Maya: So where do we go from here, ladies and gentlemen? It seems obvious to me tha-

“Indestructible” by Disturbed hits, the worldwide theme song of The Order of Chaos. Maya looks towards the entrance ramp and rolls her eyes, slouching forward.

Adrian Kalis: I told you to leave the arena, Maya.

A number of those faux Order of Chaos “soldiers” begin streaming down the entrance ramp, surrounding the ring. They have a lot of equipment with them. The crowd cheers, the crowd boos. Everyone’s too drunk to really know why they’re doing what they’re doing. Adrian, burned and scarred and all, appears over the REBELTron.

Adrian Kalis: You see. There is a transitional period, but it’s not what you think. Just as I made a deal with Cesar Salazar to help him acquire the ability to restart Underground X, so too have I made another deal. This one effecting the Alliance of Wrestling Federations as a whole.

Maya: Oh for fucks sake, Adrian. Did getting burned imprint dads flare for the dramatics? Just get to the point.

The goons begin pouring gasoline around the ring, while other goons take to the ropes and begin cutting them. They snap as they break apart, Maya looks around with a sudden realization.

Adrian Kalis: We had a mandate. People hate our existence, even though twice now we have saved them and this Alliance from men and women far worse than us. What that bought us was stagnation, decline and death. TGW sank, Victory had a fucking stroke. The PWA is barely holding on, and all throughout it all REBEL Pro has gone up and down like the stock exchange. It’s a principle that you could never understand Maya, because you became a turn cloak two years ago. This sport demands conflict. This sport demands blood, and when it isn’t being fed we all suffer.

Maya: So what? Burning the ring down for the hundredth time is going to galvanize people?

The crowd is getting anxious, and at ringside Larry Gordon and Linzi Martin listen intently on their headsets to someone… And within moments, the look of horror on their face is a dead giveaway as both remove their headsets and begin to walk away quietly up the entrance ramp.

Adrian Kalis: Two years ago, the PWA alone faced certain death. Until we saved it. Today, the remnants of the AoWF face the same certain death. We are too weakened to do anything about it. And knowing as I did, that taking out the old man would take everything I had, I made a deal with the only man I knew who is prepared to do what must be done.

Maya: Who? Cody Bogard?

Maya smirks, but no one else is laughing.

Adrian Kalis: The burning of this ring tonight isn’t to send a message. It isn’t to galvanize the men and women backstage to step their game up. It is the physical manifestation of what is happening here. Do you know what’s happening, Maya?

Maya: Uhhh… No?

Adrian Kalis: REBEL Pro is dead, and shall be absorbed by the Pioneer Wrestling Association.

Almost immediately, the entire Aggression Arena erupts into a chorus of boos not heard since Matt Stone last had air time on our show.

Maya: What in the fuck? So you mean to tell me, you made a fucking deal with-

Adrian Kalis: The Phoenix.

As if on cue, the goons throw zippo lighters at the ring and begin their retreat through the crowd. The ring bursts into flames and Maya leaps out of the ring quickly. In the crowd, the fans drunk off free beer all night don’t take kindly to this announcement and sporadic brawls begin erupting all across the arena.

Adrian Kalis: He will remake the AoWF in his image. He is the only hope any of you have.

Maya: God damn it Adrian!

Adrian Kalis: It’s their fault, sis. Only theirs. We gave them a chance. Now we give them the flames.

Maya begins high tailing it up the ramp, but two hooded figures stop her at the entrance ramp.

Adrian Kalis: I told you to leave. I am so sorry Maya.

The men grab her by the throat and lift her up in the air. As of now, the entire arena is in full on riot mode as fans smash beer bottles against each other and slug it out. Chairs fly, blood spills and people still find the time to grab the free beers.

Adrian Kalis: This isn’t a goodbye. Goodbyes are permenant. This is a see ya later. REBEL Pro is owned by The Order of Chaos. And as The Order never dies, nor shall REBEL Pro. We will be back. Stronger. One day. But for now, this is how it ends. I am sorry to all of you. Really, I am.

The hooded men throw Maya off the stage and she crashes down off the side, ten feet below through tables and sound equipment.

Adrian, from his hospital room stands up carefully. His left arm fully casted, he steps back. He purposefully is wearing only a pair of black sweat pants, his wound dressings removed for this moment to show everyone his burned stomach, chest and face.

Adrian Kalis: Through the flames we’re all reborn. With The Order burned, so too is REBEL Pro. We live together, and go down in the flames together. We offered you our Order, but we leave you with Chaos.

Adrian forces a smile as he stomps, and salutes.

Adrian Kalis: All Hail The Phoenix.

The image over the REBELTron goes static. The cameras pan the fighting crowd, screaming and terror all around the arena. The two hooded men walk away, as we pan over Maya in the wreckage they put her in. The cameras now give us an awe-inspiring look, from the announcers table. The ring before us, burning and crumbling with the REBELTron in the background static, the two Order of Chaos flags flanking its sides. The crowd in a complete riot, with police arriving on the scene finally and pouring in through all entrances to attempt to gain control of the situation. Finally, the center of the ring gives way and implodes in on itself from the fire. The static is all that’s left.

See you later.

To you from failing hands we throw the torch. Be yours to hold it high.

So this is it. I’m sorry first off for the delay of the show. I really didn’t want to post it, for reasons that should now be apparent to you all. REBEL Pro isn’t necessarily fading away, it continues in a way in PWA for now. Since most of you are already in PWA, then this shouldn’t be such a huge problem. Those who are REBEL Champions should expect to compete at PWA Genesis as well when whatever is precisely happening, finishes happening.

I really am sorry it came down to this. It’s been a hell of a ride, and I hope you’ve enjoyed me as your fedhead as much as I enjoyed being your fedhead. Life has a funny way of getting in the way of the plans you make for it. REBEL Pro will be back one day, whether under me again or someone else. For me however, the road ends. I wish you all the best of luck in whatever you decide to do. In PWA, or in UX as some of you have gone/returned to. In life as well.

REBEL Pro. Fuck Yeah.

The eWrestling Toplist

Aggression 1-14-2013

Let’s Just Roll With It I Guess

We fade backstage, and much to our surprise we find Jeremy Gold sitting in the General Manager’s office with his name on the door as we pass it. Fuck happened?

Jeremy Gold: Oh jeez, how am I gonna pull this off?

Marvin Humperdink, our intrepid REBEL Pro reporter walks into the room with a microphone in hand.

Marvin: Jeremy! What’re you doing here?

Gold jumps up, wiping his brow nervously.

Jeremy Gold: You know what the hell I’m doing here. Good God man! This is the line of succession! I just didn’t honestly think it’d go down like this.

Marvin: Well, what are you doing about tonights show? Do you realize that both Jaice Wilds and Mike Majere did not even come to the show? And what about Alex Wilkie being found backstage brutally attacked before the show began? And Mark McNasty leaving with him to the hospital?

Gold sighs heavily.

Jeremy Gold: I don’t know man. I’m not used to having to be the brains of an operation.

Marvin: You’ve certainly never been the muscle, have you?

Jeremy Gold: Oh, God no! I’m usually the bait… Now… Now I don’t know what to do.

Gold plops back down on his chair, with tears swelling in his eyes as Marvin Humperdink decides to quietly back out of the office and close the door behind him.

School of Hard Knocks

Sendng to both in case Macca approves ad scoolwihit. Sorry or the lateness Harry, but I’ve been either batting the flu or omethng very cloely related toit.

Macca: “So apparently REBEL learnt two important lessons at Merry Time Massacre.”

Macca’s voice is able to cut through the volume of the thousands generic cialis of pumped REBEL fans in the audience. The audience turns their attention to the stage where The Toughest Bastards make their way through the stage curtain and out onto the ramp. Both men hold a mic in their hands and their faces are showing a serious look that seems out of place on these two men.

Macca: “The first being that if you don’t suck the right cock in this company you do not get booked on the biggest show of the year.”

The crowd let out a boo as Macca lowers his microphone and Bubba J lifts his.

Bubba J: “The second thing we learnt was that if management wont book us then we will fucking well book ourselves.”

And the crowd pops! Yes, eat out of my hand my pretties!

Bubba J: “What we did at Merry Time Massacre, despite being flat out fucking awesome, was a message, not only to management who apparently don’t know that booking one of your biggest draws on the biggest show of the year is a good thing, but to others in the roster out the back.”

Macca: “Except for Allen’s beat down. I just genuinely do not like that cunt.”

Bubba stares at Macca for a moment before…

Bubba J: “Yeah you should work that out man. It’s not natural to have that big a hard on of hate for someone for absolutely no reason.”

Macca: “Unfunny bitch!”

Luckily for the crowd Bubba J is going to try and bring this train wreck back on track.

Bubba J: “Wilds and Majere you guys just happened to be in a wrong place wrong time scenario. We where pissed off because, let’s face it, two cunts who really didn’t deserve a spot on the card got booked over us. That shit don’t fly. So you automatically became our first message. Our bad, take it up with management if you have a problem.”

Bubba then shifts a glance to his partner in crime.

Bubba J: “Allen’s beat down was a request from my buddy here, as was Norton’s. You really just used the PPV to vent some of your aggression didn’t you? Talk about two birds with one stone.”

OI OI! The shows named was mention so everyone in the crowd takes a drink.

Macca: “Yeah, I do rock like that. Anyway, our last attack of the night was set up on purpose to really get our message across. That attack was on the new Undisputed World Tag Team Champions, Cesar Salazar and his plus one. It’s ok if you don’t remember his partners name. Most people forgot about Marty Jannetty also.”

Haha! Welcome back Deicide, you fuck!

Macca: Cesar, Deicide, you have belts that we want. We didn’t even bother to wait to tell you that as you know from your experience at the PPV. So with that I’m going to say those magical words that is apparently all that needs to be said to get you a title shot in this company. Wrestling’s Undisputed, We’re coming for you niggas!


Bubba J speaks again rubbing at someting in his pocket.

“I don’t know much at all about these two less than ass clowns, but I already don’t like them and have all that I need”

He struggles for a moment, before pulling out a silver flask and taking a drag.

“We are going to beat their asses into the ground, dig them back up, bury their ass in less than the undercard, dig them up again, then piss on their delapidated corpses… because not of what we’ve done in the past.”

He looks at Macca.

“But because its fun as hell. Its not as fun as the new titty bar down the road, with the biggest knockers this side of Jenny Jersey.”

He winks at Jenny.

“Or that chick right there in the front row…”

He nudges Macca.

“Did you see the size of her tits? I mean they are huge, like let me drown in their loveliness type of shit.”

Macca slaps him, while smiling, and getting him back on track this time.

“Right… right…. Um… yeah, I don’t kno what your name is, don’t give a damn hat your name is, because the only moncure that is going to fit after our match…”

He checks his watch.

“Is Latest Victims of the Toughest Bastards. I’m pissed that the only remaining Rebel Pro Legend remaining… and I wasn’t booked. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed my time at the titty bars..”

He smiles.

“Oh, I forgot, I wasn’t there until after all of the damn beat downs that we delivered. Nearly forgot…(points to his scarred head) all the chair shots ya know. But Edison, I think that is your name.”

He takes a second chug, Macca removes the flask, taking one himself.

“Is that nice guys, in this business and ost especially this federation finish dead last. But don’t worry, you won’t have far to fall, cause you are already there and as a matter of fact…, you can share the hotel room with Gold and the fake ass Inferno.”

He clears his throat.

“And for Loomis… son, I’m gonna kick your ass and make yo mama beg to me to stop.”

Bubba J lights up.

“Think we done?”

He looks at Macca, who looks at the ring, nodding again.

Macca: “Lets go kick some ass, then go to that place of entertainment you ere shameless mentioning.”

Bubba J nods, taking a drag.

Bubba J: “Toughest Bastards on the rise, other teams on the demise.”

He taps the ashes.

“And guys, I know you can hear the alarm clock, cause its time for your ass whoppin’ to commense.”

They begin to walk down to the ring, Bubba J dropping the mic and finishing his cigarette.

Tag Team Match

The Toughest Bastards versus The Uproars

A strong tag team match which saw The Toughest Bastards continue their path of carnage, this time against The Uproars who almost looked as if they hadn’t even shown up for the match tonight. Edison battled Macca, whilst Loomis battled Bubba J. Each of the four men took turns getting one up over the other until a Trailer Park Trash by Bubba J took out Edison for the 1, 2, 3 and Macca with the distraction prevents Loomis from stopping the cover.

Cheers that, cunts.

Winners: The Toughest Bastards in 9:28

A Talented Segment

We open on a shot of the REBEL PRO locker room. The fans in the arena bare witness to three of the hottest attractions in 2013!

Standing before you is a street clothed Justin Case. His newly attained REBEL PRO Aggression Title firmly at his grasp, upon The Chosen One’s right shoulder, with a mic in LL’s oposing hand. Next to Case is his suit wearing manager The Wiz. On his other side lays claim to his new valet, none other than the singing sensation Susan Boyle.

But this aint your mom’s favorite reality star. Case has changed her into his newst project, as she looks on with a black leather Jacket which has more zippers than Michael Jackson’s thriller coat. And boy can she thrill you now! Vulgar and pissy with more attitude than the Attitude adjuster.

Cockiness and confidence fills the talented air.

Justin Case speaks.

Justin Case: So you all must think yours truly is a weak minded coward. You all must assume that I paid off the powers that be in order to do battle in a non-title triple threat contest?


Case cups his Aggression Title.

Justin Case: nope, not quiet. You see, the simple fact remains that neither McNasty nor Norton have actually earned the right to face me for my lovely title belt.

Boyle and Wiz let off a smooth sly smirk.

Justin Case: No, Boyle and Wiz is not the directions to a hot tub party, but getting to my talented point. You see, even that obese blood thirsty fool Allen Chaney can’t hang in the same ring as I. All of which comes down to this. Chaney is all talk, Norton is all walk and McNasty is just a fluke lucky boozer who has yet to defeat me in our short history.

Case pauses for effect.

Justin Case: in fact, it all comes down to this. Yours truly is the only man in our next match to have defeated both his future opponents. And that, that is why I will walk down that ramp, get in that very ring tonight and leave not just the current Aggression Champion, but the winner of our little triple threat teaser of a match. Why? Cause I got what it takes and then some.

“TCO” smiles.

Justin Case: I would give you all some but then you wouldn’t have room for dessert. And believe you me, you don’t want to be caught eating crow like my opponents soon will. And when its all said and done, no one is better than “The Chosen One”.

Justin Case U didn’t know, I rule this f*cking show.

The video feed turns to static and then…


Soon as we return from a brief word from REBEL’s sponsors, the camera shot opens on Linzi Martin and Larry Gordon.

Linzi Martin: “Many of you have likely noticed the absence of our World Heavyweight Champion and the Undisputed Tag Champions, Wrestling’s Undisputed. According to upper management, they’ve been given an extended holiday to preserve and celebrate their extreme victories throughout the past few months, let alone at Merry Time Massacre.”

Larry Gordon: “But next week in the Main Event, we will see all three members of Wrestling’s Undisputed face off with The KKK & Allen Chaney in a six man tag match! That’ll be worth the wait.”

Linzi Martin: “When’s the last time we’ve had a six man tag?”

Larry Gordon: “Can’t remember.”

Linzi Martin: “I’d hate to ref that match.”

Larry Gordon: “Oh, definitely. Those six have subtle beef right now but as speculation suggests, Allen and Robbo is already shaping to be a promising World title bout if it takes form. And with the KKK – particularly Anna Mathews- taking the bumps they have, right now they sort of need to charge out swinging to get back some cred.”

Mmmkay I

Backstage with Jenny Jersey, Jake Norton opens the shot returning viewers from commercial break with an adolescent-esque awkward, depressive face.

Jenny Jersey: “How were the holidays for you, Jakey?”

Through his shallow cheeks, his teeth clenching is noticeable. Also, his lazy eye somehow has more emphasis than usual.

Jenny Jersey: “Were they bad?”

After a sharp exhale,

Jake Norton: “I have no family, so I spent it alone. Unfortunately, at Merry Time Massacre, my only living father-figure spat and shat over whatever love clung. Then there’s an Australian faggot (who I’d once happily share bathwater and stuff duck toys with) partially responsible for my oddball family’s breakup. Why? Maybe he’s still upset over that lost. Who knows? It doesn’t matter. Their betrayal did the trick: broke my achy-breaky heart.”

Unsure how to respond, Jenny bites her bottom lip and looks to somewhere out of the camera’s view for apparent support.

Jake Norton: “Although, REBEL’s first card of the year is the best belated Christmas gift a lonesome nice1 could hope for. Another win over Justin Case isn’t a morale booster per se but with the addition of Mark McNasty, a dude who had my respect and was quite recommendable sometime last year; this is a good way to bounce back after Santa’s Grotto, all things considered.”

The visual of Norton’s face rising from the ‘reindeer’ pile of poop Bad Santa forced him into colorizes in Jenny’s head.

Jenny Jersey: “Ew.”

Obviously unaware of what Jersey’s comment is directed at, Norton scowls.

Jake Norton: “Excuse me?”

Thinking on her feet, Jersey blurts out:

Jenny Jersey: “Alex Wilkie walked by.”

His face now slant, Norton ultimately ignores and moves on.

Jake Norton: “We come into this match with Justin Case winning the Aggression title off Anna mostly through outside assistance from Wiz and Susan Boyle, and Fine Wine lost to Allen Chaney. On the surface, Justin Case looks like an incompetent weakling and Fine Wine got that inevitable intense breakup in the cards. Truths of these beasts are Justin is a self-parody whose been allowed success because the Kalis family have no cares whether someone wins a top-tier belt by means of interference and believe reckless officiating is of no consequence, and McNasty should stop forcing the funnies because we’ve already got Allen doing that shtick.”

Jenny Jersey: “McNasty didn’t lose to Allen, technically.”

A shrug goes with,

Jake Norton: “I’ve already addressed it on twitter, but as a reminder: Wilkie is pitiful. Still, McNasty is at fault for not – ugh. No, this is boring.”

Shaking his head, Norton snatches the microphone from Jenny Jersey.

Jake Norton: “This formula is done.”

Looking at the cameraman, Norton signals for him to follow with a bend of his index finger.

Jake Norton: “Really, it’d be simple for me to just assassinate all these ridiculous characters week by week, but that’s not what sells. Nobody is going to be bursting at the seams for me disillusioning them with cold facts of why Justin Case and McNasty either suck or lost big mojo.”

Pushing through a black curtain, Norton suddenly appears on the ramp leading to ringside! Fans are cheering.

Jake Norton: “My victory doesn’t depend on sharing what qualities I possess are more fruitful than theirs, aloud. My victory is already concrete.”

Now done walking up the steps and stepping through the ropes, Norton stands in-ring.

Jake Norton: “Why should I have to argue a mathematical equation? Do you people really find a statistical slap fight intriguing? Because that’s what Adrian or Simon or Maya or Larry Gordon, whoever fucking books this, booked. Justin Case, I’ve beaten him already. And I mentioned earlier once having respect for the bloodthirsty, psychopathic McNasty who truly represented what REBEL Pro is, but that ceased soon as Fine Wine started airing segments of them humorlessly training to Karate Kid’s overplayed hit.”

For some reason, Norton appears frustrated.

Jake Norton: “During the Holiday hiatus, I sat in a comfy leather chair beside a raging fire thinking how to make this whole promo thing more interesting. To tell the truth, I sort of do this every week, huh? Of course, sometimes I brainbustah Susan Boyle – “

Solid pop occurs.

Jake Norton: “wrestle ultra violently and cut funny promos, which is all that’s required, but.. I’ve linked a similarity between myself and others in the AOWF. Seriously, I bothered to sit down and watch what other people are saying and doing: Allen Chaney, Matt Stone, Emily Corlen (before PWA fired her ass for – to my understanding – being a terrible champion), Johnny Maverick, Anna Mathews, The Phoenix, Mark McNasty, Bubba J, the list fucking goes on and on. They all –or, rather, WE all either do or try to do the same shit and talk the same smack.”

A brief pause leaves Norton’s jaw slightly dropped in revelation.

Jake Norton: “All of them are guilty of trying to be cool, ‘smart’ and TRUTH. Yup. Like when Allen Chaney says, “I won the Number One Contender trophy! It’s time for a new World Champion!” I’m like, “what the fuck? What makes you think people need YOU as World Champ? We just got Sean Robinson, who excellently tiger driver 91’d Phoenix through a 17 foot high cell rooftop. And his whole reasoning was to remove the guy who clearly loathes REBEL Pro for its current lead-in-the-race position over crummy PWA. But hey, that’s what happens when you re-re-re-rehire Matt Stone, a dude who vacates titles if he doesn’t want to defend.”

Linzi Martin: “Oh dear. This is a shoot.”

Jake Norton: “Sean Robinson had a reason, a purpose. You, Allen? You don’t have shit. You need a belt because your career means shit, and you’re insecure because of that fact. But don’t trip, dude. Anna Mathews, Johnny Maverick, Mark McNasty and Alex Wilkie – four guys off the top of my head are all in the same boat. During the build to Merry Time Massacre, in one way or another, those four douchebags phrased a simple thought however they liked but it all meant the same: we’re coming to this title match looking to win a belt/trophy because.. well, just because. Justin Case did the same thing, but, you see, he was pitted against the same argument, therefore it might as well been him wrestling a plastic bag. Too bad he didn’t suffocate.”

Sitting down crisscross, Norton mimics an overdone stance.

Jake Norton: “This, by all means, is a shoot, but see, unlike many of these wannabe cowboys who try riding in at high noon with pistols blazing, I don’t have a gun. I feel like the guy inside the bar who’s drinking some whiskey while the mindless gunfight happens outside. I’m the guy who’s thinking, “The problem isn’t if the town can withstand two of you idiots; it’s whether this town is worth its chops.”

Larry Gordon: “What the hell does he mean by that?”

A frown and seconds of silence follows Norton’s last wordy breath.

Jake Norton: “McNasty and Justin Case, they’re the two duelists. They’ll talk about wins and titles as they should, but the desire and intentions will feel adolescent. Me? I’m thinking bigger right now. The town is REBEL Pro, and I want the town to not become a parody of itself. I mean, where are we going? Is there any clear locker-room leader? In Underground X, we all knew Cesar Salazar was the big dog who everyone had a ton of respect for because he’s the one who paved the way for that company’s restart. In Victory Wrestling, Teresa Quaranta’s name is synonymous with it. And, according to Sean Robinson, guys like Rex Caliber and Lisa Seldon are the great ones of REBEL Pro. Yet, I don’t see it that way. I don’t feel that’s true. They’re just two people who held the World Heavyweight Championship. Sure, Lisa played a role in REBEL Pro stepping out of high school gyms, but that’s hardly an accomplishment to be respected. That’s more of a move done to simply be qualified for respect.”

Jake Norton: “I want something more. I’m finding me a cause – one that will shake the very foundation of REBEL Pro. I’m done coming out online canadian pharmacy here and telling people how to be a winner and champion. These assholes should know how to be if they want to be a contender. Me? I’m already a fucking contender. You hear me, Kalis? I’ve taken whomever you booked me against and beat the shit out of them, both verbally and physically. You want me to beat McNasty and Case? Fine. I’ll do it. You know I will. These fans know it, too. But, what will I have accomplished? Will I just be adding another tally mark to my already stacked win record? Am I just sitting here so that cunt Anna Mathews, who lost a tag title match and her own Aggression belt to fucking Justin Case, can get ANOTHER opportunity? Why, because she has an ass you want to tap? What the fuck.”

Getting to his feet, Norton looks out to the crowd.

Jake Norton: “You can hate me now.”

Tossing the microphone out of the ring carelessly, the fans respond mixed.

Larry Gordon: “Why are they booing?”

Linzi Martin: “Norton just took jabs at several of these fans’ favorites. Of course it’d be a mixed reaction.”

Non-Title Match

Jake Norton versus Justin Case

Jake Norton starts off the assault with a Russian Leg-sweep into the Guardrail during Justin Case’s entrance and the bell immediately dings as the two men battle outside the ring. Case gets handed The Wiz’s cane but Norton kicks it away and slides into the ring. Case follows him and as Norton goes for a pendulum elbow he misses and Case grabs hold of him and lays him out with the Benchmark! Case covers for a quick win but only gets a 1 count! Case goes up top as quick as he can with Norton still a bit dizzy from the previous assault and Justin Case dazzles the crowd with a shooting star press… Until Norton puts his knees up and Case bounces off him in complete pain. Norton covers! 1! KICK OUT! Norton lifts Case up and takes him down with a masterful wheelbarrow dragon suplex! Norton isn’t finished and attempts a double hammerlock piledriver but Case fights back, gets free and then counters with a fishermans suplex. Case on the offensive and immediately locks in his move, Tap or Snap! Norton is in writhing pain but refuses to quit, much to the disappointment of Case as Case wrenches the hold. But Norton manages to grab the bottom rope preventing any submission from counting. However as per REBEL Pro rules Case keeps the hold on anyways. Despite this Norton does not beg nor surrender and Case lets go, and turns around unimpressed with his opponent. Case pulls Norton into the center of the ring and lifts Norton up. He seems to be setting up for a belly-to-belly suplex but Norton slips free and finally hits the pendulum elbow! With Case reeling, Norton capitalizes and hits The Process of Illumination! He covers!




Norton slips out of the ring and makes his leave without ever looking back at his talented, yet defeated opponent.

Winner: Jake Norton in 12:41

One More Time

“So, you made your decision?” says Oliver Fitzsimmons, better known to our viewers as Spyke Gein as he sips at his bowl of tea.

“Sure did.” said Allen. They were in Cafe Gratitude in Kansas City. Super healthy hippy Vegan restaurant.

“And?” asks Spyke.

“And if you think beating Justin Case is why I came back to REBEL Pro then you certainly don’t know me very well.” says Allen. The waitress comes by and sets Allens Veggie tacos in front of him.

“I don’t know man. Don’t you think after what happened with the AOWF title that maybe you aren’t-”

“Aren’t ready?” says Allen, interrupting Spyke. There’s a moment of silence.

“It’s a fair question.” says Spyke.

“Maybe guys like Norton are okay with coming here just to pick a fight with whoever they perceive to be the weakest but that’s not how I roll. I played Simons little game and he had his fun, now it’s time to find the biggest dog in the kennel and bite it’s throat out.” says Allen. He looks around, realizing how many trendy Vegan hipsters are listening to his conversation. He takes a bite of his taco.

“So…Sean Robinson. When?”

“Next Pay-Per-View.”

“What is your plan?” asks Spyke, taking another casual sip of his tea.

“Get in his head. Beat him in a wrestling match. Set him on fire.” says Allen. Spyke chuckles a bit but stops when he realizes Allen isn’t chuckling. Allen just gives Spyke a somewhat terrifying smirk.

“…Shit, dude.”

“No more joking around.”


“I am having a series of very good days.” says Allen, smiling as he holds his trophy. He is backstage, standing front of a REBEL Pro banner in his trademark lucky sleeveless flannel and a T-Shirt reading ‘HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN?’ with a picture of Matthew Engel.

“Let’s see: I beat Mark McNasty and Alex Wilkie and won a pretty sweet trophy, went on Twitter and made Sean Robinson seem like an idiot, got to meet my hero who may or may not exist, heard the new single by my favorite band, lost four more pounds, continued to have sweet ass mutton chops, watched the new Adventure Time, saw Django Unchained a fourth time, and decided when I’m gonna have my title match and who I’m going to face. So that’s all awesome. I’m having an awesome time. it’s pretty awesome to be me.” says Allen before giving us a big thumbs up.

“People still don’t seem to be taking me very seriously, but that’s fine. You know what? Maybe I’m not funny. I mean, ignoring that I perform in front of crowds of people who laugh at my jokes, maybe I’m just not funny. Can any of you tell me precisely what bearing me not being funny has on what happens when the bell rings? Anybody? No? Well damn. I’m an unfunny motherfucker who can win him some matches. I can live with that.” says Allen, he shrugs.

“I dunno, Anna is a little more creative than that. I bet she won’t mention me not being funny. HOPEFULLY she doesn’t make the same mistake Jake Norton did and call me out on being too cocky after winning an ‘easy match’ after recently having lost to JUSTIN. CASE.” says Allen, cupping his hands over his mouth to make the JUSTIN. CASE. super-echoey.

“Everyone seems to be cracking jokes about Anna and how her glory days are over and you know what? I’m not going to do that. I sincerely hope she can bounce back from this run of bad luck she has had that started when…” says Allen, interrupted by a jump cut to Allen pinning Anna Mathews to win the AOWF World Title.

“Right. That. Like I said, I just KNOW she is going to bounce back from this… Next week.” says Allen.

“But before that she is going to suffer one more loss, and she can be secure in the knowledge that it was to someone who…well…doesn’t hate her?” says Allen, gripping at straws for a way to soften the blow for Anna.

“Yeah, I’ve got nothing. I’m going to beat you Anna. I know that sucks, but I have a trophy to defend, a World Championship to win, and a one eyed black mans face to wildly wag my penis at in victory. I’m going to beat You, Sean Robinson, and anyone else who steps in line and for once it’s not going to be to prove anything to anyone. It’ll be becasue I’m a fucking Champion and that’s what fucking Champions do. I’m not gonna kiss ass, I’m not gonna stab anyone in the back but I’m certainly not going to play nice. I am going to go straight to the top of the mountain or die trying.” says Allen, looking very serious.

“Bring all your puppets, your kicks, your flips, and hell bring out Simon to try and screw me out of my trophy for his DAT ASS loyalty. The loss of respect I feel for you in that instant will make it so so much easier to leave you comatose and bleeding under a pile of torn felt and broken dreams of future ‘shinies’” says Allen. He just emphasized the word shinies, he didn’t use air quotes. He’s not an asshole.

“Like I said, Anna. I don’t dislike you. I’m actually a big fan. I know you’re gonna bounce back after I beat you. And after I do you’re going to join the legions of people who tell me I’m not funny because they think it gets under my skin. It used to, but I finally have been able to put into perspective the TRUTH behind the insecurities of the people who tell me that phrase. You see… everyone loves a good joke.” says Allen, pausing for emphasis.

“…They just get all pissy when the joke is on them. Every ‘You aren’t funny’ is just another way for all of you to feel better about yourselves because you just realized that you aren’t as good a wrestler as….well… someone like me.” Allen says. he smiles.

“As such, I will be accepting every exclamation of ‘You arent funny’ with a thank you. Sean Robinson? Thank you. Matt Stone? You’re too kind. Jake Norton? I love you, too.” says Allen, tossing in a wink for Norton. He would’ve winked for Sean Robinson but he wouldn’t want Paul Alba getting jealous.

“And if Anna wants to be all sore about the beating she’s about to receive? Thank you Anna. Thank you very much.” says Allen, he bows.

“See you in the ring, dollface.” He says before walking out of frame as the camera fades to black.

Real Shiney

Jeremy Gold is doing stuff. What kind of stuff, you ask? Well, who the hell knows. He could be looking through contracts. Or fucking that kangaroo of his. Or trying to figure out exactly how the hell not to get himself killed. But at either rate, he’s here because he’s supposed to be, dammit. Motherfucker’s very very busy and he has a lot of work to do since the Kalis’s’s’ killed themselves. Like, say, trying to make himself matter. The camera pans out to see a grinning Master of Time and Space standing right behind him which creates a lot of cheers everywhere. Her movement is slow and flowing as she reaches behind her back and pulls out an air horn. She brings a finger to her lips to signal silence from the crowd as the horn inches closer and closer to his ear. Oh, what a tense moment this is! Can’t you feel it?


To the surprise of nobody, our new overlord jumps a good five feet and…doesn’t come down. You’d think somebody would’ve tipped him off on the glue trap on the roof. Aw, well.

“Hellooooooo Rebel Pro!”

With a surefire grin and laughter that can move mountains, Anna Mathews jumps into the spiny chair and spins around making herself the Tasmanian Fucking Devil of speed before stopping.

“Eye wuz informed by both Rebel Pro management an mi lawyers dat my behavour at Merry Time Massacre was just plane whorrible. Day tell mii I had know rite to a) destroy Rebel Pro property und b) completely kill hoff oar cripple the few Justin Case phans dat arr left. Hive alsew heard that the families are threatening tew sue unless I offer a pulic apology and compinsashun fer possible medical bills and/or burial type stuffs. The wons that hav survived claim that I attacked them because lol my dawd beats joo. Sew lemme respond inn kind.”

She takes a deeeeep breath.

“Furst of all, Justin Case fanz should’ve bean buried a long time ago. Prefurably alive. Secondlee, if ya honestly fink four won second I’m going to spend moolah I busted mi ass for fer years awn the braindead, u should be shot. And az for him beating me? That’s simply knot true. Trooth iz I thru the match because quite franklee, I felt sowwy fer him. Eye mean, this is the same guy hoo pinned Benji Dyce and ended up getting a Sherlock Holmes DVD for hiz troble. I’mma big phan of Robert Downey Jr. But even ya’ll hav too admit how pathetic that is. Besides…”

Her hands sweep behind her back. There’s sounds of rummaging and other type things obviously piped in from our soundguy, Bill Goldburg. Her tounge lulls out of her head while Baron von Gold’s has his own tounge a-flappin’. We can’t quite make out the words. PuppetLisa must’ve stuffed PuppetLiza in his mouth. Finally, Anna’s eyes widen and with one hand, she pulls out—no. It can’t be!

“…I gotz the REEL Aggression title rite here.”

Then for extra measure? Her other hand pulls out her tag title.

“If anniebuddy actually paid attention to my lil seggys, they would’ve noticed hive had it an my tag belt hidden in Ye Olde America for, lyke months nao. It’s wus under the care ov won Joseph Smith, the founder of Mormonism. He fought day were plates oar something. Sew the belts yoor holdin, Mizta Case and Rasslin’s Undisputed? One-hundred-persent fake. Counterfit. False. Faux. Fool’s gold. Bullshit. Nothing but smoke n mirrors an the like. The proof ish in the strap, my boyos. Mine’s genuine leather which arr what tru championship belts arr maid of. Yoors has simulated leather witch has all the legitimacy of faux fir. It looks the same an mai even feel the same to the uninitiated, but annie connisewer can tell the difference.”

Pet-pat the shinys. I know you want to.

“And Justin case nobuddy believes mee, I’m offering a billion dollars tu anywon who can prove me wrong. Bring awn your belt makers, ur record breakers, your scientists. Special horders doan’t upset mii.”

Then with a sn

“Az four wat I do nxt? Ish verry simple. Tunight, I go in dat verry ring against a man that has a whole lot to prove: one Allen Cheny. Mi purrsonally, I like Al. He’s got drive and watnawt. Hii even one a title for five minutes. No beef here. But I kno that az seriously as he’l take this match, aye’m not the one he’s gunna worry about. Al’s mynd is much too focused on going after Simon. I’ll go into the ring, giv him the fight of hiz life, steal his trophy, and with luck, complete mi collectun of Rebel Pro shinys. After that, only won thing will be left to do…”

The camera pans out so we can see those two living breathing specimens of madness in the room. The Queen of the Dodos conjures up a calling card and stuffs it in her broody buddies pocket. He blinks.

“Take da straight n narrow paf an yif joo start to slide, givva little whistle. Oar just yell fer Jiminy Cricket. Besides, cha mite kneed moar firepower when shit rolls down hill.”

In a blaze of glory, Anna teleports out leaving poor Jeremy to fall back into frame and make a really big crash.

Number One Contender’s Trophy Defense

Anna Mathews versus Allen Chaney©

Allen Chaney towered over Anna Mathews and used his size to his advantage but on the same coin, opposite side, Anna uses her speed. However Chaney starts the battle by bringing Anna down with a clothesline. From the canvas Anna goes for a kip up hurricanrana but Chaney is too large for her to bring down with her leg strength alone. Instead Anna gets hoisted up as Chaney holds onto her legs and powerbombs her into the corner turnbuckles like a rag doll. Chaney goes to continue the offensive but Anna smartly slides out of the ring to avoid his power and formulate a new strategy of attack. With lightning quickness Anna is back up on the ring apron and she springboards off and hits a spinning heel kick. Allen stumbles back but grabs her and whips her into the ropes. Yet Anna with a handspring back elbow finally takes Allen down to one knee. She quickly hops up onto the top rope and goes for another hurricanrana despite the kip up variation failing, yet with Allen on one knee she takes him down much to the cheering of the fans. She covers!



Anna does not relent as she moves to lift Allen up by his head but Allen spikes his shoulders into her gut and takes her right into the corner turnbuckle. Chaney goes for a scoop slam but Anna gets out of it and goes for a mandala hinerei which Allen avoids. Now Anna Allen attempts a gutwrench powerbomb as he catches Anna but she slips out of his grasp and goes for another handspring back elbow but Allen, while watching the REBELTron in front of him which shows the action can see it coming and steps out of the way. Anna hits the canvas, and Allen bounces off the ropes and then goes to drop himself onto her but Anna instinctively rolls out of the way to avoid being struck. The crowd is on their feet and loving every moment of it. Anna is up now and she launches herself off the top rope with a moonsault as Allen gets to his feet and takes both of them down. Anna covers!




Anna is up and goes back to the top rope to continue to use her speed and agility to her advantage, but as she comes flying off Allen catches her. He hits a double arm-DDT which shakes the ring HARD on impact. He feigns to go for a pin but shakes his head, instead getting to his feet and looking down at Anna before going for a standing leg drop. Anna shakes on impact, and Allen Chaney covers!




Allen and Anna both with so many close calls that might be bothering them, but the crowd is eating up this exciting main event. Allen Chaney lifts Anna up but she headbutts him and then unleashes a Big Ball of Violence! No one has time to even see half the moves she pulls off but it has left Allen Chaney dazed in the ring on his feet. Anna moves for the ropes, Allen’s not so dazed anymore as she comes bouncing off and twisting with the BOOMERFLY KICK! Except Allen Chaney ducks it and grabs hold of her whole body, his power and strength coming into full measure and he suddenly hits THE PUNCHLINE!!! The crowd is on their feet as Allen covers near the ropes!





Allen Chaney is handed the Number One Contender’s trophy and raises it high above his head like it’s the fucking Stanley Cup as the crowd cheers. Anna Mathews gets to her feet and the crowd cheers both of them as we fade at them staring at each other momentarily, knowing what’s coming next week…


The Toughest Bastards defeat The Uproars
Jake Norton defeats Justin Case
Allen Chaney defeats Anna Mathews to keep onto the NOC Trophy!

And now, to the INTERNETZ!

Larry Gordon: Welcome ladies and gentlemen, to a special viewing for all to see over the internet.

Linzi Martin: Yep! cialis generico italia It’s been a while since REBEL Pro just aired anything on the internet, hasn’t it?

Larry Gordon: It has, but this is a special circumstance as And we head back to Montreal and Merry Time Massacre. There is a reason this match was not aired during the Pay Per View. Nor at all during our broadcast of Monday Night Aggression. This is why the Kalis camp has been deathly silent since this event and why it was delayed from airing. The only reason I can imagine as to why no spoilers were leaked of what happened is because Canadians don’t have internet.

Linzi Martin: You all may’ve noticed the absence of the Kalis’s’s’ here tonight and this is why. We warn you, what you are about to see is possibly one of the most brutal matches this sport has ever seen.

Kalistic Death Match for the Presidency of REBEL Pro

Simon Kalis versus Adrian Kalis©

Jenny Jersey: The following match will be contested for the Presidency of REBEL Pro in a “Kalistic” Death Match!

“Machine Gun(16bit Remix)” by Noisia begins and the crowd jumps to their feet, as the dome above everyone in the Olympic Stadium begins to open.

Jenny Jersey: Introducing first, he is the current President of REBEL Pro Wrestling!

Two opposing lines of men and women in gray, white and black military camouflage along with white ski masks run out down the entrance ramp. The two on each side at the very front carry flags. One is The Order of Chaos flag, and the other banner has the REBEL Pro logo. They all turn to face each other and the entrance ramp itself, standing at attention.

Jenny Jersey: He stands in at 6 feet and 3 inches tall, weighing in tonight at 230 pounds… Hailing from Montreal, Quebec Canada! He is… “THE LAST SUPERSTAR”!!!

An arch of pyro engulfs the curtain as Simon Kalis steps through and the crowd goes absolutely nuts.

Jenny Jersey: SIMON KALIS!!!!!

Simon Kalis steps through and shoots cialis generic online his left arm in the air, closed fist while he waves an Ak-47 in his right hand. As he steps forward, each “soldier” in the line salutes him Order of Chaos style. Both of his hands have been gloved over a dozen times, dipped in glue and then rubbed into broken shards of glass. Simon Kalis circles the ring, yelling at the crowd to help pump them up.

Linzi Martin: The battle any fan of The Order of Chaos has been waiting for. It’s time to finally settle the transition of power and the mantle of leadership, Larry. A falls count anywhere death match of fuck.

Larry Gordon: Officially that isn’t on the table in this match.

Linzi Martin: Officially, no. But that’s really what it boils down to, a power struggle for who will be the true regime going forward.

Simon slides into the ring and raises his left fist again. Snow begins to sprinkle down over the ring and the fans but they’re all too pumped and energetic to feel the brisk cold December air. Simon begins firing shots from the AK-47 into the air, probably a good thing the dome top opened up then. Jenny Jersey stands aside, smiling, and trying not to fall into any of the pits set up around the ring either.

Linzi Martin: On one side of the ring, you’ve got a giant coffin of sand and scorpions. On another side of the ring, you’ve got a giant fish tank full of very hungry piranhas. And on the third side you’ve got a double reinforced titanium coffin of hot fiery coals. In the traditions of death matches of the past, all combined into one massive cluster fuck of doom.

Larry Gordon: Both men have both fists gloved and dipped in glue and glass shards, in the tradition of a Taipei death match. And finally, both men were allowed to bring any weapon of their choice. I sincerely hope Simon isn’t going to use an assault rifle.

Linzi Martin: There’s a reason the PWA forbid Simon from ever facing anyone in this match type. It is brutal, it is barbaric and it raises the chances of someone not only losing their career but their life Larry.

Larry Gordon: This is REBEL Pro.

Larry smiles as Simon has an extra clip ready and quickly reloads the AK-47 and turns to the entrance ramp, getting on one knee and aiming.

Jenny Jersey: Annnnd his opponent!

“Seven Devils” by Florence and The Machines hits, and the crowd remains on their feet in a rousing applause. The entrance ramp lights up in a circle of flames on the left side.

Jenny Jersey: He is the Alliance of Wrestling Federations Television Champion!

The soldiers also remain however, still standing at attention as Adrian Kalis rises in the circle of flames with Lacey Gloria in his arms.

Jenny Jersey: He stands six feet and one inch tall. Weighing in tonight at 215 pounds… He hails from Montreal! Quebec! Canada! ADRIAN! KALIS!

The crowd gives another thunderous applause as Adrian steps through the flames and shoots his arms out to the side, blowing smoke from his nostrils and mouth. Lacey wraps her arms around him, and they are a passionate kiss before she lifts his scarf over his face. We are yet unable to see if Adrian has a weapon he has brought, but his hands are both gloved and have been dipped in glue and covered in shards of glass Taipei death match style. Simon needn’t close his left eye to take a more precise aim, he merely breathes very carefully as his finger rubs the trigger. Adrian steps forward, turning to Lacey and telling her to return backstage. Adrian raises a salute towards Simon, and then yells out something the camera don’t pick up. However quickly, all those soldiers lined up along the entrance ramp all turn towards the ring and engulf pills of cialis Adrian around them. Simon lowers the assault rifle and smirks as Adrian uses them all as cover on his way to the ring. Adrian seemingly disappears, although him being in all black and them being in white makes it confusing. Fucking ninja.

Linzi Martin: Whose side are they all on?

Larry Gordon: Both.

The soldiers return to their station along the entrance ramp, however now Adrian Kalis is nowhere to be found. Simon stands up and steps forward, looking over the top rope. That’s when Adrian slides out from the opposite end of the ring, squeezing himself between the fiery coal coffins bottom foundation and out. He hands the AoWF television title off to ringside and slides in behind Simon, and that’s when everyone sees what weapon he has.

Linzi Martin: Motherfucker has a over the counter viagra sword on his back.

Adrian climbs up onto the coffin of fiery coals and begins walking over them before stepping onto the apron, without flinching a moment. The crowd cheers as he steps into the ring behind Simon, Adrian’s boots leaving melted footprints in his wake on the canvas. Simon senses him and quickly spins around, AK-47 swinging with him. Before Simon can pull the trigger, Adrian unsheathes the sword on his back and slices the AK-47 in half in one fatal swoop. Simon’s jaw drops, and the crowd goes fucking nuts.

Larry Gordon: Dear lord.

Adrian straightens his posture and throws his sword into the tank of piranha before stepping back and bowing respectfully. Simon chucks the trigger half of his AK-47 into the scorpion and sand coffin and steps back, smiling and bowing respectfully. The music ends and the snow is still falling around them.


Immediately Adrian rushes forward and begins unleashing a furry of striking attacks with his feet, elbows and knees. Simon masterfully blocks and dodges the attack, both men engaging in a battle of Muay Thai kickboxing. Simon however quickly drops to one knee before rising back up with a huge uppercut that clocks Adrian square in the chin, ripping part of his face scarf from the glass us pharmacy for cialis shard laced fist of Simon. Adrian stumbles back and Simon runs forward and leaps up, bringing his knee towards Adrians face. Adrian dekes out of the way and goes for a reverse thrust kick blindly. Just as blindly Simon forces his upper body completely forward and dodges the attack. He then throws his own reverse thrust kick out backwards and Adrian instinctively leaps in the air spinning his whole body like a torpedo forward before flipping and landing on his feet. Simon steps back up and turns around to face him. Adrian enters a new fighting stance, taunting Simon on. The elder Kalis begins swaying back and forth, smirking.


They clash and both men strike, cracking each other across the face with their glass shard embedded gloved hands. Flesh tears off leaving tiny gnashes on both their faces, with Adrian’s face scarf being torn along with his face. Simon with an angle kick in Muay Thai style, Adrian jumps back to dodge. Adrian with a thrust kick, Simon raises his knee to his chest and uses his thigh to block the attack. Simon with a thrust kick of his own, Adrian blocks the same way. Adrian with a European uppercut while Simon recoils sends some flesh and blood ripping out of Simon’s chin before Simon bounces off the ropes and comes back with a flying scissors kick that takes both men down to the canvas. Simon covers.



Larry Gordon: It’s too early to even begin to attempt a pin.

Linzi Martin: But it was worth a shot, no? You never know when you may’ve just meted out a death blow.

Adrian rolls away and gets to his feet, looking over his shoulder at the tank of piranha behind him. He leans over the top rope and looks down into the tank, his blood falls into the water and sends the piranha into a frenzy. Simon is up and charges but quickly puts his feet down to stop the charge as Adrian gets ready to flip him up and over into the tank. Instead as Adrian looks up surprised, Simon hits a spinning heel kick and sends Adrian over the top rope and almost into the piranha tank if not for Adrian catching the middle ropes and pulling himself up. Adrian hangs off the middle ropes as Simon swings with his glass shard covered fists, forcing Adrian to dip down to avoid every attack but placing himself precariously close into the tank. Simon wrenches Adrians legs off the middle rope and it sends Adrian toppling into the piranha tank, immediately getting attacked and bitten with the crowd cheering on.

Linzi Martin: I hope he has a cup on.

Larry Gordon: Will that really protect his family jewels?

Linzi Martin: No clue.

Adrian splashes about, flailing and jumps out of the tank with some piranha still attached to him. He quickly rips them off him, tearing his flesh and rolling away on the thin mats just outside the ring. Simon climbs up to the top turnbuckle and immediately jumps off, driving an elbow deep into Adrian’s chest that sees Adrian convulse momentarily. Simon gets up and lifts his son up but Adrian with a European uppercut. Simons face rips from the glass shards and he stumbles back. Adrian grabs him by the head and smashes his face against the announcers table before whipping him into the corner post. “DING!” as Simon’s head smacks off of it and he falls flat on his back on the outside of the ring.

Linzi Martin: Adrian is bleeding from a bunch of little spots all over his body. I wonder if that hurts?

Larry Gordon: Why don’t you go take a dip into the tank of piranha and tell us how it feels Linzi?

Adrian lifts Simon up and then drops him back down with a quick elbow over the back of his fathers head.

Linzi Martin: No thanks.

Adrian lifts Simon up again, Simon with a quick punch into Adrian’s gut. Simon twists his fist around and pulls back. Adrian stumbles back, a piece of glass stuck in his gut as he winces and falls to his knees. The crowd are all on their feet in horror at the literally gut wrenching sight of it all. Simon grabs Adrian and throws him into the ring. But as Simon follows him in, Adrian trips Simon from his back on the canvas and quickly gets up onto him. Adrian locks Simon Kalis into a fucking camel clutch and with his hands covered in glass shards, the glass rips into Simon’s neck and chin at the same time. Simon’s one good eye opens wide in pain, blood trickling down over Adrian’s hands and onto the canvas so bad it begins pooling. Adrian wrenches the move, yelling out to the Last Superstar to submit.

Linzi Martin: Holy fucking shit.

Larry Gordon: …I never thought I could see a submission move pulled off so violently.

Adrian wrenches and wrenches, Simon groans and the referee keeps checking on Simon. Simon refuses to give up but the referee stands up and crosses his arms in an X and the bell rings.


Immediately the crowd boos as the ref tries to get Adrian to let go of the hold. After a few moments Adrian does, and Simon goes limp on the canvas in a pool of his own blood. Adrian shoves the referee forward and demands answers. Simon shows no sign of movement.

Larry Gordon: I believe our official has just called the match. He had to stop it.

Linzi Martin: I guess but-

Fans begin throwing garbage into the ring and pushing and shoving each other. The bell dings some more, and Simon is finally crawling. Adrian kicks the referee in the gut and then quickly hits the MasaDriver on him for good measure. The crowd enjoys it as Adrian turns to Simon and begins speaking to him. Simon holds his neck, and the bleeding is bad as Adrian helps him to his feet. Simon waves backstage and then yells out at ringside to Jenny Jersey. Backing away from Adrian to lean against the ropes, Simon sighs heavily and wipes his neck. His chin and cheeks got the worst of the glass and not his neck, thankfully.

Jenny Jersey: This match will…

Simon yells out to her.

Jenny Jersey: This match MUST continue until there is a clear and defined winner!

The crowd cheers and…


Immediately Simon rushes at Adrian but Adrian ducks and spins right behind Simon. He grabs Simon from behind and lifts him in a belly to back suplex, throwing Simon over the top rope and INTO THE SAND AND SCORPIONS! The coffin falls off its stand and crashes, spilling sand and scorpions about ringside. The scorpions, clearly agitated by this begin snapping at Simon repeatedly as Simon squirms and rolls around in a fit of blood and sand and snow from the open dome in the Olympic Stadium.

Linzi Martin: Jesus Christ. He should’ve just let it finish.

Larry Gordon: He would’ve been declared the loser, Linzi. Luckily those stingers are not poisonous.

Adrian slides out of the ring and reaches under it for a chair. Adrian begins smashing the chair over Simon’s face until more blood gushes from the Old General. Adrian chucks the chair aside and lifts one of the scorpions up and then lifts Simon’s tights up and shoves one into his groin. Simon screams as he rushes to rip that one off first. Adrian takes a moment to lift another scorpion up and rip off its large stinger and two pincers, holding it up for the camera to see before he devours it. The crowd cheers wildly.

Linzi Martin: My god that is disgusting.

Larry Gordon: I hope PETA doesn’t sue us.

Simon rolls away from the sand and Adrian watches him and wipes the blood off his own face. He stalks the elder Kalis until dropping on his head with a knee. Adrian grabs hold of the guard rail at ringside, using it as leverage as he begins stomping Simon into the sand. Adrian Kalis lifs Simon up and whips him forward into the steel steps. He slowly makes his way to Kalis and throws him onto the ring apron before climbing up himself, teetering over the fiery coals of the last tank. Adrian moves to kick Simon onto the bed of fiery coals but Simon instinctively grabs Adrian’s foot and trips him over, forcing Adrian to fall into them himself face first. Adrian yells out in pain and finally, we have a new referee coming down to the ring. Just in time as Simon quickly gets up onto Adrian’s back, placing his feet at the small of Adrian’s back and grabbing both of Adrian’s arms and then pulling back. Adrian can’t move, with his body being stretched above him and his body being burned and sizzled below him. Smoke starts to rise, the referee asking if Adrian wishes to submit. Simon pleads with him to quit but Adrian, his tears steaming off his face refuses. Simon thus continues his awkward surfboard stretch, avoiding putting any one foot on the coals himself. Simon lets go finally, perhaps in mercy.

Linzi Martin: I think I smell Adrian cooking.

Larry Gordon: This is disgusting.

Except not mercy as Simon grabs Adrian’s face and pushes it into the coals. Adrian however, with the rest of his body free, flails quickly and rolls off the bed of fiery coals taking Simon with him to the mats below. Adrian gasps for air while screaming, and the once loud and rowdy crowd has fallen silent as he squirms back and forth, shaking with his entire front portion of his body burned. His leather outfit has seen itself burned into his skin at places and his mouth and chin and neck are red and black as smoke rises from him. Simon sits up and looks over his son and then kneels next to him, lifting Adrian into his arms. Concern marks his face as he touches Adrian’s burns with his forearms since his hands are still covered in glass shards. He immediately pulls back, feeling the heat. Simon stands up and walks away, as the referee begins a ten count. Adrian Kalis’ eyes close and he is apparently unconscious.


Simon grabs a microphone at ringside.


Simon Kalis: No. There will be no counting him out and down.

Simon spits, reaching into his boots for a single protected cigarette and his other boot for a lighter. He sparks it up and sits on the ring apron now over Adrian, looking down.

Simon Kalis: Get up, boy.

There is no movement from Adrian.

Simon Kalis: Fuck you, get up Adrian.

Simon takes a long drag off his cigarette, looking agitated as he notices blood now on the filter of it.

Simon Kalis: This is what you wanted. A war. A battle for my company. But this! THIS! This is great! This is how the leader of REBEL Pro should be decided. In blood. Because REBEL Pro is the federation for the strong. For the hunters. Not for the weak, not for the hunted. And so its President should be a reflection of that. And this is what we’ve come to see, isn’t it? I know some of you came here tonight to see more than just The Phoenix take on Sean Robinson and hopefully get killed in the process. You came here to see more than Anna Mathews dismantle Justin Case. Yes. You came here to see the Kalis family go to civil war.

The crowd cheers and Simon flicks some ash onto Adrian’s limp body.

Simon Kalis: Looks like I’m not the only one with a fucked up face now, am I kiddo?

Adrian twitches, but his eyes remain closed.

Simon Kalis: You’ve never been able to live up to your potential, and now it’s cost you your career. You’ll forever live in my fucking shadow.

Adrian rolls, and slowly gets to his feet. He begins ripping the leather burned into his skin, slowly and methodically while staring down Simon. Simon smiles, bloodied and all, smoking his cigarette calmly. Adrian goes as far until he is in nothing but half his tights.

Simon Kalis: So.

Simon drops his cigarette into the coals.

Simon Kalis: Let’s finish it.

Simon steps forward as Adrian backs away, raising his fists up. Adrian backs up onto the entrance ramp, surrounded by those Order of Chaos “soldiers”.

Simon Kalis: Finish him for me.

On one side, the soldiers take a step forward as Simon drops the microphone. Adrian looks them all over as they raise their fists outward, their elbows arched and their fists touching as if to signify they are ready. Adrian looks behind him and motions the line of men and women behind him. They step forward and do the same thing. Adrian motions Simon to come for him as the men and women on Simon’s side go for an attack. Adrian ducks, while the men and women on his side step forward in his defense and all hell breaks loose on the entrance ramp. The two sides clash and Adrian stands among them, pushing them aside as Simon moves forward towards him. The crowd is pounding the stadium with screams and cheers and beer is notably selling in the stands very fucking well. Adrian with a thrust kick to one of the men on Simons side sends that man over the entrance ramps side and a foot below. Simon makes his way up, and quickly elbow uppercuts one of the women on Adrian’s side as he approaches. Finally the two men meet in the middle of the chaos and begin sending Muay Thai style thrust kicks at each other. With each strike, the other blocks and then counters and it begins a cycle with Simon pushing up forward and Adrian falling back with every counter each man does. A group of four of the Order of Chaos’ nameless goons go flying off the side of the entrance ramp through some tables. Finally Simon rushes at Adrian and goes for a running knee but Adrian throws himself to the ramp and slides down under Simon Kalis, getting to his feet and then running and jumping onto Simons neck and hitting a hurricanrana right on the entrance ramp. Adrian looks over the edge of the stage, taking note of the sound and video equipment on the side on a bunch of tables as backups. Microphones, subwoofers and all kinds of other random equipment. He lifts Simon up and then locks his arms. The cameras flash.

Linzi Martin: JESUS!

ADRIAN HITS THE MASADRIVER OFF THE SIDE OF THE STAGE!!! The crowd is in complete pandemonium as both Kalis’ are down and out off the side of the stage and a cameraman rushes to film the destruction.

Larry Gordon: Adrian just put Simon through tables and sound equipment. But while Simon just plain isn’t moving, Adrian looks like he may’ve hurt his own back pulling off that stunt.

Adrian rolls away out of the wreckage and slowly and painstakingly pulls himself to his feet. Adrian finds a microphone and then slams himself hard against the side of the entrance ramp and stage out of fatigue, using it to leverage himself and keep balance. He hoists the microphone up and taps on it until a sound technician has it turned on.

Adrian Kalis: This… This isn’t what I wanted, old man.

Adrian reaches into his own boot now, pulling out a protected cigarette and a lighter from his other boot. He sparks the cigarette and then slumps down next to Simon, patting his father on the chest.

Adrian Kalis: This is what I was taught. That the strong will lead. The weak will perish. So I’ve given you a taste of your own medicine, haven’t I?

Adrian flicks ash into Simon’s empty left eye socket, but Simon remains motionless.

Adrian Kalis: The Order of Chaos you once said, has three members. Only three. Two veterans and a rookie under their tutelage. Yet you, your mind long deserted of any sense of normalcy whored that legacy to wage idiotic wars against everyone you could find. And maybe that was merely the evolution of it all, eh? Turning the group militaristic. To making it a mirror of the fucking Sith because you’re such a god damn nerd. A master and an apprentice, and what you taught me from day one was that in order to be the man you had to beat the man. And oh my folks, look and behold what a man we have before us.

Adrian pushes himself back to his feet, exhaling cigarette smoke as he looks down at Simon.

Adrian Kalis: A man who built a legend, yes. Who built a name out of being unbreakable. That nothing anyone had ever done to him could end his career and finish him. He ALWAYS came back!

Adrian throws an arm into the air and circles, staring at the crowd with glassy eyes and a bloody and burned face.

Adrian Kalis: Did you think this was only about REBEL Pro? I’ve carried you old man, for three years I fucking carried you because you wanted to prove you still couldn’t be brought down

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even after the end of Death Row all those years ago. You always said it took one of us to bring another one down. And think about it old man… How many careers have you ended? How many lives have you destroyed? How many people have you betrayed? How much longer will you continue to ruin that legacy? You had your chance to walk away. And maybe you should never have come back. Now it’s time to finish this, and show the whole fucking world that the indestructible General is human after all.

Adrian drops his cigarette on Simons chest and stomps it out. He then makes his way gingerly around the ramp and back up it as Simon remains somewhat motionless but not for long. Adrian begins climbing the side of the REBELTron, but Simon Kalis is up. Simon wobbles as he stands up, crashing into the side of the ramp and then into the guard rail where some fans pat his back. He squints as he looks up, Adrian climbing. Simon slowly makes his way now up the entrance ramp and begins climbing right up after him.

Larry Gordon: Adrian had the match won. Why stop to taunt Simon?

Linzi Martin: This isn’t going to end well, Larry…

Adrian stands many dozens of feet above the entrance ramp on the REBELtron, standing back as Simon finally catches up to him and makes it up. The cameras zoom in as the men seem to exchange some words before grappling. They contend with keeping their balance as the power struggle ensues, both men aching and bleeding and fatigued. Simon out powers Adrian and cracks him over the head with his knee before grabbing him and suplexing him on top of the REBELTron. The tron shakes, the crowd is going nuts. Simon is up and lifts Adrian up. He tries to put Adrian into the same vertaebreaker he just suffered but Adrian squirms free. Adrian attempts his spinning kamikaze on Simon but before he can complete the drop Simon powers himself out of Adrian’s arms. Adrian goes to kick Simon in the gut but Simon jumps back, almost falling off the side of the Tron. Adrian rushes forward but Simon connects with that kick now and sets up Adrian into the Sentencing of the Damned.

Linzi Martin: Sweet Jesus don’t Simon! Don’t!

Larry Gordon: This is how he paralyzed a man almost ten years ago, Linzi. Ending his career. I don’t think he’ll do it to his own son.

Simon gingerly backs up and now stands over the edge of the Tron, Adrian on his back squirming trying to get free.

Larry Gordon: My God he is.




Linzi Martin: ….

AoWF INSTANT REPLAY: We see Simon Kalis falling back, while Adrian slips free and manages to grab the side of the Tron just barely as Simon falls perilously to his doom.

Adrian looks down over his shoulder at Simon, then at where he is. Then again back at Simon. Adrian taps his right elbow against the Tron and then points to the crowd.

Linzi Martin: Sweet fuck no don’t kid.


Larry Gordon: OH MY GOD!

Larry Gordon holds his mouth as Linzi Martin pukes over the announcers table. Fans in the audience cry out, shrieking. Some even vomit themselves as Adrian lays over Simon Kalis, having landed awkwardly on that massive elbow drop with part of his forearm sticking out through his skin. He screams and wails in pain but uses his good arm to lift Simons leg up, his back over Simon’s chest. The referee drops for the count.





Adrian wails and wails, the sounds sickening as he holds his arm up and screams. Simon Kalis is not moving and remains utterly obliterated in the mass carnage. EMTs immediately rush to both men, two stretches awaiting them. Even Linzi Martin is being attended to by an EMT as she pushes her chair back trying to regain her composure. Larry Gordon stands, headset off as he tries to survey the damage from where he is. “Seven Devils” hits.

Jenny Jersey: The winner of this match! And thus our President of REBEL Pro… Adrian Kalis!

As Simon is loaded on one stretcher, Adrian is carefully loaded on another himself while the snow continues to fall from the opened dome as we fade. The REBELTron has replaced the images of the destruction with only…

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