Disc One
Mayhem in Mexico
01/08/2008
A Debut and a Return: J.J. Nickels vs Thomas Young
Time to get funky, homosapiens. Del The Funky Homosapiens’ “Time is Too Expensive” drops the beat… and a massive man comes through the curtains with long
hair and long tights. He looks almost like Big John Studd, but somehow “darker.”
JENNY JERSEY: The following match is set for one fall. Introducing first, he stands six-feet eleven inches and weighs three-hundred forty-five pounds…
fighting out of Atlanta Georgia, he is JJ NICKELS!
Nickels glares at the fans on the way to the ring. The man seems distrustful of everybody around him as he steps OVER the top rope into the ring. The Mexican
fans seem awed by the big man.
ROB MARTINEZ: Our first look at JJ Nickels, Rex, and all I can say is “wow.” Six-eleven, three-forty five… this is the biggest man ever to grace a REBEL
ring, even outstripping the colossal KRENSHOV.
REX CALIBER: He got a couple inches on Kenny, he’s bigger than Matt Kurtis, bigger then Cuzin Zeke, bigger than that chump Murcielago who’s going to get
his ass kicked later tonight, bigger than that senorita I picked up last night!
The music fades and the attention is drawn to the entrance. Unholy guitar riffs raise the hair on everybody’s neck…
JENNY JERSEY: And now, accompanied to the ring by Jeff James! Standing six-foot four and weighing two-hundred forty-five pounds, from Hollywood Florida…
THOMAS YOUNG!
Demon Hunter blows the speakers and out walks exactly those two men. Jeff James with a slight limp seconding his older brother Thomas Young. They head to
the ring to a mixed reaction from the crowd.
ROB MARTINEZ: Thomas Young making his first appearance in a REBEL ring since he was embarrassed by Stylin’ Kyle Roberts back at TBA. I have to say, it’s
a surprise to see Jeff James and Thomas Young together – especially after what Young along with Prince Darko did to Jeff James earlier in 2007. You yourself
fought Jeff James in the War On Crime!
REX CALIBER: Yeah I did, and Static ended his wrestling career! I don’t know why Young is hanging out with this bum, he don’t need him. Thomas Young and
Prince W. Darko were the best tag team next to the OG CRIMES NAPW or REBEL, he don’t need his punk younger brother tagging along.
ROB MARTINEZ: One thing is for sure, both of these men will be looking to make their mark here tonight. JJ Nickels would love a convincing win in his REBEL
debut, and Thomas Young has an awful lot to prove to REBEL fans continent-wide. But how is he going to fare against this giant?
Both men are in the ring, Jeff on the outside corner for Young. Young and Nickels eyeing each other as referee Dale McDonald calls for the bell to start
the contest. DING DING DING.
Young and Nickels circle slowly, then Young cuts in and throws a shot to the breadbasket of Nickels, stunning the big man. Young tries throwing some more,
backing Nickels into the ropes. Irish whip, but Nickels doesn’t want to go. Young tries again, but Nickels isn’t budging… and he just shoves Young down
on his ass with raw power. Young blinks but gets up, trying to get around the man. Nickels almost looks amused before he drops the boom down across Young’s
shoulders. Young struggles to stay on his feet, Nickels brings his forearm down across the shoulders again and this time Young goes down to the canvas
in a heap. Nickels picks the man up roughly, grabs him with two hands and then simply, literally
throws Young halfway across the ring.
ROB MARTINEZ: That’s two-hundred forty-five pounds JJ Nickels just tossed across the ring like it was so many styrofoam dumbells!
Young gets up but Nickels is there and sends him back into the ropes with a big shot. This time it’s an Irish whip and Young goes flying into the ropes,
but he ducks the clothesline by Nickels! Young rebounds again and launches a flying forearm that staggers JJ Nickels. The near seven-footer is off-balance
and Young hits him again, again, backing Nickels into the ropes… Young gets some momentum and charges — back dropped over the top rope to the floor
THE HARD WAY. And now JJ Nickels steps over the rope and drops off the apron, taking this match to the outside.
Jeff James shouts at his older brother, yelling “right behind you” as Young tries to pick himself up from the hard landing. He’s gone through bloody matches
with The Foundation but that was a hard landing from a big height. Nickels picks Young up and drops him sternum-first across the guard rail. Young’s face
a mask of teeth gritted through pain, arms crossed over his chest. Nickels looks out over the crowd. It’s difficult to read his exact expression, but it
isn’t really pleasant.
REX CALIBER: This JJ Nickels been toiling in shit wrestling promotions for ten years, this is his first chance at a good fed and damned if I ain’t impressed.
ROB MARTINEZ: Thomas Young spent most of the week calling JJ Nickels a “rookie,” a “kid” even though Nickels has a few years in age and experience on Thomas
Young… and frankly, Rex, I don’t think Nickels appreciated that.
WHAM! Nickels slams Young back-first across the steel ring pole!
REX CALIBER: Yeah, and I don’t think Thomas Young appreciated THAT.
But Nickels isn’t done yet, he’s still got Young in his arms… again RAMMED into the steel ringpost. JJ drops the man down to the concrete in a heap. Pure
power from JJ Nickels and he has Thomas Young in a world of trouble. Nickels gets back into the ring. Young can’t get counted out, but he’s not doing so
well on the outside. McDonald pokes his head between the ropes and asks Young if he wants to continue. He gets a pretty definitive “no,” as Young struggles
to his feet and rolls back into the ring. Nickels stomps him, then picks him up over his shoulder… nailing a high-impact running powerslam, right in
the center of the ring! Thunderous impact and Nickels makes the first pinfall of the match for one, two, no, Young kicks out.
Nickels pulls Young up with a handful of hair and hoists the man over his shoulder again. Towards the corner, snake eyes on Young right into the top turnbuckle.
That one’s going to hurt. Nickels measures his man and drops a big elbow drop right across the chest, then covers for one, two, kick-out.
ROB MARTINEZ: Thomas Young has not had an answer for the size and strength advantage of JJ Nickels. I don’t know how much left he’s got in the tank.
REX CALIBER: With that bruiser pounding on you, I don’t think it can be a lot, but Thomas Young is a damn scrapper. But hell, I’ll agree on that one. There
ain’t much longer Young can last if this keeps up.
James trying to rally his brother, shouting encouragement/direction, but Young is swaying on his feet. Nickels hits the ropes, going for Double Nickels
on the Dime, his version of the Polish Hammer — Young manages to duck out of the way! He kicks the back of Nickels’ knee, bringing the big man down to
one knee, and then hits the ropes — SHINING WIZARD connects! Nickels doesn’t go down, Young hits the ropes again, SHINING WIZARD #2! JJ Nickels still
not down, gets up, back down to one knee… SHINING WIZARD #3!
ROB MARTINEZ: Thomas Young finally takes JJ Nickels down the canvas, there’s a cover one, two… Power out by JJ Nickels!
REX CALIBER: Young could turn this match around, but he gotta do it right now. Any wrestler in this business gonna tell you that on the canvas, everybody’s
the same size.
ROB MARTINEZ: I think you just hit upon of Thomas Young’s biggest problem in this match-up. How is he supposed to hit some of his biggest moves on a man
this size? Shades of Death, the Young Cutter, all useless! Thomas Young has to keep this on the canvas and think outside the box… but can he do that?
Young seems to agree, as he continues to attack the knee of JJ Nickels. JJ almost up, Young kicks the side of the knee and knocks him down to the canvas.
JJ grabs the leg and drives the elbow right into the side of the knee. Does it again. Young grabs the leg — Nickels pulls the leg in and shoves Young
away with huge strength. Young comes back in again, Nickels kicks him away. JJ is getting to his feet as Young tries to get in to take out the knee again,
CLUBBERING BLOW. Young gets knocked loopy. Nickels limping on his feet tries to come at him, drop toe-hold! Nickels goes down awkwardly, and then Thomas
Young shows that he has been watching the right wrestling tapes in preparation for his return…
by locking in the figure-four leglock.
REX CALIBER: If JJ Nickels can’t stand, he can’t win a fight. WHOOOO! Right from the playbook of Carolinas’ own wrestling legend!
ROB MARTINEZ: Ric Flair?
REX CALIBER: No, “The Sexellence of Sexecution” himself… myself!
ROB MARTINEZ: … Thomas Young has the figure-four in the middle of the ring, and JJ Nickels in tremendous pain. The question is, will the big man submit?
Not yet, but the grimace on his face tells the story. That leg has been damaged by Young’s assault and now it’s being torqued for all it’s worth. Young
holding on, but Nickels’ does have one saving grace. His legs are so damn long, he’s not so far from the ropes. He reaches out, can’t make them. Young
applies more pressure, and for a split second Nickels looks like he could give up… but he pushes on the canvas with his hands, then reaches out and grabs
the bottom rope.
ROB MARTINEZ: Thomas Young not about to let go of the hold, trying to do as much damage as he can to the legs. Referee Dale McDonald calling for the rope
break though!
REX CALIBER: What’s he gonna do, disqualify him? This is REBEL RULES, Robbie!
ROB MARTINEZ: McDonald can’t DQ Young, but he also doesn’t have to recognize a submission made while in the ropes. Young can’t win the match if he doesn’t
let go of the hold.
REX CALIBER: Yeah well, your mom.
ROB MARTINEZ: She’d like you to call once in a while, you know.
REX CALIBER: … whaaaaa?
Finally Young detangles his legs from Nickels. Both men are starting to show the effects as this match goes longer. Young has the advantage right now however,
but he seems like he needs a moment to get his energy back and isn’t able to go right back after JJ Nickels. The big man manages to get to his feet, favoring
the right knee considerably. Young comes in and gets at the knee again. He grabs it, looking for the figure-four again — Nickels jams his thumb in Young’s
eye! Young stumbles away, holding his face. Nickels follows up with a big shot to the side of Young’s head, followed by a kneelift. Hammer blow! Nickels
leans against the ropes, then limping forward gets enough momentum to still deliver a thudding clothesline that drops Young like a bad habit.
Nickels leans back against the ropes, and for maybe the first time in the match he shows an expression. Unfortunately for Thomas Young, that expression
is one of anger. JJ Nickels has had enough of Thomas Young. Young is trying to get up, and Nickels storms in and drives a huge kneelift right into the
side of Thomas’ head. Young crumples, but that’s not enough for JJ Nickels. Fireman’s carry?
REX CALIBER: GUT CHECK!
ROB MARTINEZ: JJ Nickels just flung Thomas Young up above his head, and Young came crashing down stomach first onto Nickels’ knee! That could be the match
ender right there, a cover one! Two! Thomas Young gets the shoulder up in the nick of time.
REX CALIBER: He might maybe should have stayed down, Rob, I don’t like the looks of this next one!
ROB MARTINEZ: You probably won’t like the looks of THIS either.
REX CALIBER: What’re you — what the hell is he doing here?
ROB MARTINEZ: Murcielago has come down the aisle and he’s coming right for you, Rex! I don’t think he wants to wait for our main event to get his hands
on you!
REX CALIBER: What are you talking about, hands on “me”? I ain’t Mr. Mexico! Hey — hey! Yeah you come on here, you want to start something?
Both men in ring trying to recover from the long match, but right now the attention of the crowd is on the big Murcielago, the man who will face MR. MEXICO
in tonight’s main event. Murcielago is talking trash to Rex Caliber, throwing some trash towards former Crimes-member Young as well. Jeff James has come
over and is keeping an eye on Murcielago.
It looks like Murcielago and Rex might just come to blows, former student vs mentor, but then referee Dale McDonald yells for Murcielago to get the hell
away from ringside or he’ll boot him out of the building! Murcielago looks angry, but he does not want to lose his chance at Mr. Mexico later tonight.
“You’ll get yours ‘old man’” Murcielago says as a final parting shot to Rex. Caliber is still standing up, but manages to compose himself enough to sit
down… in the ring, JJ Nickels is up. Thomas Young is NOT.
REX CALIBER: Just you wait, you dumb piece of trash, Murcielago, ALL I DID WAS TRY TO MAKE HIM BETTER. Thanks I get man! Ask Prince Darko! I can bring a
man to the next level, that punk Murcielago says I dragged his ass down! YEAH RIGHT!
ROB MARTINEZ: Be that as it may, we have a match in the ring that is developing into a classic right before our eyes! These two men have put it all on the
line, but what’s happening right now?
REX CALIBER: I’ll tell you what’s happening, Murcielago saw this big JJ Nickels and said, damn, I’m scared of him.
ROB MARTINEZ: While I doubt that, JJ Nickels just dragged Young towards the corner, and… oh my God, he can’t be! The near three-hundred fifty pounder
is… is climbing to the top rope! It can’t be! He looks like he’s going for a moonsault! Jeff James is yelling for Thomas to get up, he knows it’ll be
the be the end!
REX CALIBER: It’ll be the world’s BIGGEST moonsault, Martinez, and Thomas Young’ll be the world’s biggest pancake after!
The crowd is wide-eyed at this huge man on the top rope! Can he really hit this move?
We’ll never know, because Thomas Young with a desperate burst of energy gets up and shoves the back of Nickels’ legs, the hurt one giving right out. JJ
Nickels falls square on his balls right on the top rope, and that has to hurt! Thomas Young is breathing heavily, he doesn’t have a lot left in the tank
after this grueling match-up, but he’s got enough to climb up behind Nickels… what the? He’s going to try to back suplex the big man! No good, Nickels
is too heavy, even if he’s distracted by the pain in his “boys.” Young tries again but really, what’s he going to do? Nickels starts fighting back! Back
elbow takes out Young! Nickels trying to stand up on the top rope — hope the ring holds up — Wait a minute! Young trying to stand up behind JJ Nickels,
he can’t hope to — what the — Young trying to back suplex JJ Nickels …
THEY BOTH GO OFF THE TOP ROPE!
And JJ Nickels LANDS on top of Thomas Young. He rolls off on instinct, Nickels himself took some impact. But Young is squashed! Nickels finally throws an
arm over to cover ONE! TWO! TH—
SHOULDER UP!
And the crowd goes crazy! For Thomas Young? What the crap?
REX CALIBER: That’s my boy, mother—
ROB MARTINEZ: Thomas Young gets the shoulder up… despite being squaaaashed by JJ Nickels! And this match has taken the toll both men! OH MY GAWWWWWD!
REX CALIBER: Gimme a new damn beer, I just spilled mine cheerin’!
Nickels can hardly believe that, but Young isn’t exactly “springing to his feet.” Nickels pulls his man up and RACKS HIM! FINAL SOLUTION — Young somehow
slips out behind! He jumps on Nickels back with a sleeper hold, latching on for all he’s worth, but Nickels just leans forward and dumps Young on his ass.
Big boot knocks Young to the ring apron! Young holding the top rope, Nickels shoves it and sends Young flying to the floor…
AND THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE!
ROB MARTINEZ: OUR TABLE! THOMAS YOUNG JUST EXPLODED THROUGH OUR TABLE!
REX CALIBER: I JUST SPILLED ANOTHER BEER! BARTENDER! DOS CERVEZA!
ROB MARTINEZ: Our table is gone, Thomas Young is not moving on the outside, and here comes JJ Nickels back to the outside. He isn’t coming to discuss the
quality of the water!
Nickels, limping still, comes out and grabs Young. Young looks to be out on his feet, he’s just dead weight. Nickels hoists Young up and bundles him into
the ring. Almost a look of sympathy on his face. Just a flicker. Nickels gets in the ring, Young is down in a heap. All it’s going to take is one big move…
Nickels grabs Young by the tights, pulling him up. It looks like he’s setting up for Civil Disobedience, the Border Toss style powerbomb! But… Young sags
down in a heap, head down to the canvas. Nickels looks down, maybe he should just pin Young and put him out of his misery. Nah, that wouldn’t be style.
Nickels grabs Young by the back of the tights again and pulls him back into powerbomb positionnnnwaitaminute INSIDE CRADLE! ONE! TWO! … THREE!
JENNY JERSEY: The winner of the match… THOMAS YOUNG!
JJ Nickels sits up, an expression of shock on his face. Shock and anger.
ROB MARTINEZ: Thomas Young is out on the canvas, he’s spent, but he had enough left in him, just enough to take advantage of a split-second hesitation on
the part of JJ Nickels and it was enough to get the three-count. What a huge victory for Thomas Young to start 2008!
REX CALIBER: He remembered all my advice from last summer, and forgot Jeff James’ bad advice of the last week and BAM. He gets the win.
ROB MARTINEZ: JJ Nickels is not too happy with that decision, but it was a clean three-count. I don’t think Thomas Young will EVER forget JJ Nickels after
this punishing match-up, however. A tremendous debut for JJ Nickels, but it is Thomas Young who picks up a huge singles victory… will it be the first
of many or was this just a fluke? The coming months will be telling for the former tag champ.
——————————————————————————–
Supremacy
01/15/2008
Zamunda Street Fight: Prince Darko vs Murcielago
ROB MARTINEZ: Our first match of this evening is going to start not inside the squared circle, but outside the freakin’ building!
REX CALIBER: That’s because it’s a Zamunda Street Fight! The only way to win is by pinfall or submission!
ROB MARTINEZ: And if that wasn’t enough, this match is being shown in numerous strip clubs in the local area thanks to the wonders of closed circuit television!
REX CALIBER: Who says REBEL isn’t classy? Now let’s go outside!
The scene changes from ringside to just outside the REBEL Arena. A horde of REBEL fans are standing in a circle around the two combatants. Murcielago and
Darko. The referee asks both men if they’re ready and after getting the okay from the warriors signals for them to
GET! IT! ON!
Darko and Murcielago stride right up to each other, Darko looking up and talking smack to the larger man. Murcielago pie faces Darko away and tries for
a big right hand! Darko ducks underneath and lands a one two punch to the ribs of Murc! Another wild swing by Murc and again Darko uses his speed advantage
to avoid the shot and drive in two of his own, again to the ribs. Murc backs off and this time Darko charges in only to take a knee to the mid section
that stops him cold! Murc drops an elbow to the back of the neck and then belts him into the crowd! Several fans go down with Prince Darko on top of them!
From the crowd Enzo appears and hands a chair to his client Murc! Darko is getting to his feet, shoving fans aside and takes a shot across his cranium!
Darko collapses again as Murc holds the dented chair above his head! From nowhere Enzo is attacked by Mr. B! Murcielago simply watches the two managers
brawl through the crowd before turning his attention back to Darko.
ROB MARTINEZ: Uh REX? What if one of those fans that Darko just kicked in the face sues REBEL?
REX CALIBER: Hey we warned ‘em! I can’t help that they’re stupid.
ROB MARTINEZ: I’ll remember that when we end up in civil court.
Murcielago drives the chair into the ribs of Darko, doubling him over. Another brutal chair shot, this one across the back, which leaves Darko on all fours.
Murc sets up the dented chair as best he can and pulls Darko to his feet. Murcielago hooks Darko and to hit his Defcon One onto the chair! At the last
second, Darko shoves him off and Murc lands hard ass first onto the pavement! Darko folds up the chair and cracks it across the back of the rising Murcielago!
A chair shot to the head from Darko! Another! Darko drops the demolished chair to the ground, hooks Murc and nails a DDT! Instead of going for a cover
Darko mounts Murcielago and starts to pound away at a cut above his right eye! Blood is gushing from the wound and Murcielago manages to shoves Darko off
of him. Darko yells for the crowd to “Move their asses!” and drags the big man to his feet.
ROB MARTINEZ: Maybe a few more security guards out their wouldn’t have hurt.
REX CALIBER: Pfffffffft, you’re such a wimp.
Darko Irish whips Murcielago into the side of a car! The alarm goes off and the fans cheer! Darko takes Murcielago and pulls him away from the car, only
so that he can sling him head first into the window! The glass spider webs but doesn’t break. Darko throws a big right hand and Murcielago drops out of
sight! Darko smashes through the glass and he howls as he withdraws his shredded right hand. Murc is back to his feet and clubs Darko with a clothesline.
As Darko is pulling himself off of the pavement, Murc reaches into the car and pulls out a shard of glass. A shard that he then proceeds to dig into the
scalp of Darko! Prince W. Darko is a bloody mess as Murcielago tosses away the glass shard. Murc pulls Darko to his feet and slams him on top of the car
hood! Darko is scrambling to get to his feet as Murcielago climbs onto the car with him. Darko is spun around and positioned for a power bomb!
ROB MARTINEZ: I hope whoever owns that car has insurance.
REX CALIBER: I kinda doubt State Farm will cover this kinda damage.
Darko drops to one knee, hits a low blow and then back drops Murcielago onto the roof of the vehicle! Darko wipes the blood from his eyes and climbs up
onto the roof with Murcielago. Darko positions Murcielago and piledrives him onto the roof of the car! Murc clutches at his neck and Darko simply shoves
him off of the car and down onto the ground. Murcielago lands hard and is still holding his neck. The referee asks if Murc wants to stop but gets kicked
away by the big man. Darko slides off the smashed car and goes for a cover! One! Two! Murcielago kicks out! Darko goes back to work pounding on the gash
above the eyes of Murc opening him up even further. Darko gets up from the mount position and yells something to the crowd. Suddenly it seems as if everyone
watching this match has a weapon!
ROB MARTINEZ: Holy Christ! We better call the cops before this gets outta hand!
REX CALIBER: You call the cops and I break your fingers!
Murcielago uses the car to pull himself up when he takes a shot with a frying pan to the ribs from Darko. Murc staggers back and plants a big boot in the
face of Darko. Someone passes Murc a stop sign! CLANG! The crowd groans as the metal sign bounces off the head of Darko! Murc is looking for more weapons
when Darko pulls a fork from his boot. Murcielago is handed a cheese grater and then goes to use it on his foe only to get jabbed in the leg with the fork!
Darko springs to his feet, grabs Murcielago in a headlock and uses the fork to dig into the soft flesh of the forehead! Murcielago drops to his knees,
reaches up with his right hand and squeezes the twigs and berries of Darko with all his might! Darko releases the hold, drops the fork and slumps against
the car looking as if someone just shot him.
ROB MARTINEZ: Oh…My. That, uh, yeah…..
REX CALIBER: Murc just copped a feel! Sicko.
Murcielago gets to his feet and bounces the head of Darko off of the car. Again the head of Darko meets the metal of the car! Before he can go for a trifecta,
Darko lands a back elbow into the jaw of Murc. Back kick to the gut of Murc puts more distance between the two men. Darko stumbles over to Murcielago and
after grabbing a handful of hair….Starts to lead him across the street?
ROB MARTINEZ: Uh, Where are they going?
REX CALIBER: Oh no way….
Cars scream to a halt as the two gore covered men stagger across the two lane street. Darko takes the time to stop and bounce Murcielago’s head off of a
Mercedes! The owner of the car sticks his head out and yells at Darko, only to take a five knuckle hello from the former Foundation member! Again Darko
grabs Murc and leads him across the street as police sirens wail in the distance.
ROB MARTINEZ: I guess I didn’t have to call the cops after all.
REX CALIBER: Ugh.
The duo have made it across the street, along with dozens of fans, and Darko tries to whip Murcielago into the side of a wall. Murc reverses it and Darko
slams hard into the concrete. Murcielago staggers over to a trash can, picks it up and hurls it at Darko who ducks out of the way. Spear from Darko puts
both men down! A police car pulls up and the fans scatter. Darko drags Murc to his feet and leads him around to the front of the building. The camera pans
up and we see in bright neon…
ROB MARTINEZ: DIXXXY’S Gentlemen’s Club!?
REX CALIBER: I LOVE that place!
Darko shoves Murcielago through the doors and we follow them inside. As the camera adjusts for the lack of light we can hear screams and tables being knocked
over. When the picture comes up we see Murcielago heave a pitcher of beer in the face of Darko! Murc goozles Darko and chokeslams him through a table!
The patrons are pointing to the nearby wall mounted television sets and we see a mirror image of what’s happening inside the club! Bouncers run down to
break up the ruckus and Murcielago starts throwing rights and lefts! Darko has pulled himself up and clocks a bouncer with a beer bottle to the head!
REX CALIBER: Oddly enough, this reminds me of the going away party Chris Casino gave a few months back.
Bouncers dispensed, the two men again attack each other like wild animals. Murcielago hip tosses Darko onto the main stage and follows up after him. Darko
is pulled to his feet and Murc goes for his Defcon One! Again he’s shoved off and this time he smashes face first into the dancers pole! Darko rolls him
up from behind! One! Two! Murc kicks out!
REX CALIBER: Murc kicked out at the main stage!
ROB MARTINEZ: This is so past normal.
Darko pulls Murc to his feet and throws him off of the stage! Murcielago takes out a pair of tables (and a waitress) and a bloody and battered Prince Darko
slowly makes his way down to the floor. Darko is pulling Murcielago to his feet and locks in his Zamunda Driver! It’s blocked! Darko goes for it again
and Murc manages to block the move again. only this time he reverses it into a backdrop with him on top of Darko! One! Two! Darko kicks out! Murcielago
and Darko are both slow to their feet but it’s Murc who lands first with a stiff forearm shot to the head! Darko goes stumbling off in the direction of
the main dance stage and Murcielago is all to eager to shove him onto it. A crowd has gathered at pervert row as the beautiful woman have been replaced
by two bloody men who also happen to be on the clubs television screens. Defon One by Murc!
ROB MARTINEZ: It’s over!
One! Two! Thr – NO! A kickout!
ROB MARTINEZ: It’s not over!
Murcielago pulls Darko to his feet and plants him center stage with his Drop Top! A hook of the leg and the referee counts!
One!
Two!
Three!!!
REX CALIBER: What? That wasn’t supposed to happen! A street fight ends in the street not in, oh forget it.
ROB MARTINEZ: Darko just lost in maybe the most bizarre street fight I’ve ever called!
The referee holds up the arm of Murc and the patrons flood the stage with singles!
REX CALIBER: He might have gotten past Darko but Young will finish off Murcielago later tonight!
ROB MARTINEZ: After all the damage we’ve seen here I wouldn’t doubt that for a minute!
——————————————————————————–
Supremacy
01/15/2008
Joey Malone & Warren shock the world!
JENNY JERSEY: The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall, and is for the REBEL Pro World Tag Team Championships. Making their way to the ring–
Jenny is interrupted by the sounds of “Censored Truth” by Naked Aggression. Yes, C.A.B.S. is coming down to the ring, and they don’t look happy. The fans
don’t look happy either, cursing and shouting at the most hated tag team in REBEL Pro. The hate just rolls right over Ace, Steven, and Rosie, though, and
they stand in the middle of the ring, Ace gesturing to Jenny for the microphone.
ROB MARTINEZ: C.A.B.S. is in the ring, Rex, and they don’t look happy about things.
REX CALIBER: You know, in my day, the champions came out SECOND, to soak up all that extra glory. These C.A.B.S. guys do everything ass-backwards.
ROB MARTINEZ: Maybe they have something to say about their tag-team opponents tonight, Rex. We haven’t heard from or seen Manny X or his “mystery partner”
at all this past week.
Ace finally gets his microphone, and addresses the crowd.
ACE ADAMS: Now, I’m sure you idiots were looking forward to seeing Manny X and whatever piece of garbage he managed to haul out of the bins behind the Bingo
Hall. But that’s not happening. Manny X isn’t here tonight, and that means only one thing. It means–
But the crowd starts chanting at him, drowning him out. “EL ASESINO LOCO! EL ASESINO LOCO!” Ace starts turning red in the face, and Steven takes the microphone
from him.
STEVEN WYLDE: SHUT UP YOU MISCREANTS! The fact of the matter is that C.A.B.S. is the best tag team in REBEL Pro, we’re the tag team champions, and that
no-talent Manny X is AFRAID of facing us. So since we don’t have any opponents here tonight, we win by default! And that means we RETAIN these titles.
Ring the damn bell!
The crowd’s booing only intensifies, as C.A.B.S. hold their title belts up and mock the crowd. Rosie Cheeks starts screaming at the timekeeper’s table “RING
THE BELL!” It’s chaos. It’s pandemonium. And then, it gets even worse.
“BAD BOYS, BAD BOYS!” Joey Malone comes out from the back, microphone in one hand, hockey stick in the other. He looks pumped.
JOEY MALONE: Hold on there, folks! My tag team partner’s not here right now, but I don’t need Manny X to pin you guys again!
ROSIE CHEEKS: YOU’RE the mystery partner!?!
JOEY MALONE: You’re damn right I am! When Manny X asked me to partner up with him last week, of course I said yes. The Bad Boy couldn’t wait to tangle with
C.A.B.S. again! That is, of course, unless you guys are…chicken!
Ace, Steven, and Rosie all look surprised at each other, but then break out laughing.
STEVEN WYLDE: Okay, Joey, you got it. One night only, because you demanded it, Joey Malone and C.A.B.S. in a handicap match!
REX CALIBER: This isn’t smart at all, that win last night went straight to his empty head… straight to it!
The crowd pops, the bell rings, and Joey Malone runs down to ringside, sliding into the ring and taking a swing at Steven Wylde with the hockey stick, but
from the apron Ace Adams quickly grabs it out of his hands and throws it out of the ring. Joey stands still, shocked, and Steven Wylde rushes at him–SPEAR!
Joey Malone was nearly speared back to Canada, and Steven Wylde saunters over to his corner to tag in Ace Adams. Joey Malone struggles to his feet, and
Ace hits a quick elbow to the back of Joey’s head, then scoops him up, no wait, Reverse DDT! Ace Adams laughs as the crowd starts booing, giving Joey a
little time to crawl to the edge of the ring, trying to grab some kind of foreign object. But Ace gets to him just before he rolls out of the ring and
hauls him to his feet, then whips him into C.A.B.S.’s corner. Quick body splash and Steven Wylde gets tagged in, and starts firing lefts and rights at
Joey Malone.
ROB MARTINEZ: Malone’s got NO chance here, folks. I mean, even WITH a partner, he probably wouldn’t have a chance.
REX CALIBER: That little fucker’s got heart. Too bad he doesn’t have any talent.
In a matter of minutes Joey Malone has become C.A.B.S.’ punching bag, but they don’t want to get the pin that quickly. They want to make up for their loss
last week to him and Kyle Roberts, and now they’re toying with him, letting him get a little breathing room to get a steel chair from the outside, then
Steven Wylde spins him around so he drops the chair, dropkick from Ace Adams! There’s no way Joey Malone’s walking away from this one.
“WE’RE NOT GOING TO TAKE IT!!”
COMMISSIONER WARREN comes from the back, a microphone in hand, and everyone in the ring (except poor, stunned Joey) turns to look at the curtain. The crowd
goes APE FECES! Warren flashes a huge grin, then starts talking.
WARREN: Whoah, whoah, whoah, dudes! Strange things are afoot at the REBEL Arena! That is majorly heinous, pounding on Joey Malone like that. He’s just tryin’
his best, and you two douches can’t cut him any slack? BOGUS, DUDES!
Ace and Steven start screaming at Warren to leave, but Warren’s not done yet.
WARREN: Well dudes, I don’t wanna bust up your party…but I’m gonna. See, I was just finishing up my Big Gulp backstage, and then I saw what you guys were
doing. It’s not cool, guys. So I decided something. And I’m just saying, that as my last official act as commissioner of REBEL Pro…I’m gonna be Joey’s
tag team partner tonight! So start the match again, ‘cuz Warren’s comin’ to town!
And with that, he takes off for the ring at breakneck speed; Ace and Steven stumble away from Joey Malone, and Warren gets in the ring, looking like he
could take on both C.A.B.S. members at once. But this is a tag match, so as Joey Malone crawls over to his corner, Steven Wylde steps out into the center
as Ace Adams smiles and heads to the apron. Wylde and Warren square off, one, two, three, four steps, then go for the lock-up. Steven Wylde is easily out-muscling
Warren, but Warren’s as slippery as a heat-lamp hot dog, and he goes for the quick DDT, then climbs up to the top rope for a Super Big Gulp…AND HITS
IT! Full rotation, perfectly executed, and Steven Wylde’s SQUISHEE’D. Warren goes for the pin, but Ace breaks it up at two, then hurries back to his corner.
Warren shouts at him “Not cool, dude!”, but then goes back to Steven. He whips him into the far ropes, toes for the springboard cross-body, nails it! Not
going for the pin, though, he lifts Wylde to his feet, but Wylde fires off with a hard right and nails Warren, who stumbles back, SPEARSPEARSPEAR! A desperation
move from Steven Wylde, and now both opponents are laid out on the floor. The referee starts the double-count-out, but Steven Wylde’s up at three, crawling
over to his corner, while Warren just lies there on his side. Steven tags in Ace, who struts over to Warren–roll-up! Warren was just conserving his energy,
and now here’s the pin attempt, one, two, kick-out at three. Ace and Warren stare at each other, a big sloppy grin on Warren’s face. But it’s not just
because he caught him off-guard. It’s because Joey’s creeping up behind him with a chair. Ace is no dummy, though, and whirls around to nail Malone with
a kick to the gut, and he falls to the ground, the chair clattering to his feet. Warren’s up to his feet, but Ace nails him with the Brainbuster, and both
men are out in the ring. Ace goes to cover Warren…but then reconsiders.
And he goes back to pick up the chair.
The crowd is SCREAMING, so loud that Ace can’t hear Steven and Rosie shouting at him to put the chair down. He lifts the chair over his head, about to smash
it into Warren’s face, and then he realizes what he’s doing. He turns to his corner, but Steven and Rosie aren’t there. They’re halfway up the aisle, walking
to the curtain. Ace calls out after them to stay, but they don’t even turn their heads to acknowledge him. Ace’s face screws up into a grimace, turning
red, and he lifts the chair again…but Joey Malone from behind with an axe handle to the back! Ace drops to one knee, and Joey drops him with a DDT. Ace
is on the mat, and Joey goes to help his tag team partner up. It’s Ace Adams in the handicap match now, against Joey Malone and Warren. Ace gets to his
feet, and rushes at Joey, who quickly rolls out of the ring, so he turns back to Warren, who’s already running at him–FACEBUSTER! Ace is down, and Joey’s
coming back into the ring. With the ring bell. Ace gets to his feet, Joey swings with all his might, and just barely connects with Ace’s jaw, spinning
him back to Warren. Anyone hungry? Because Warren’s going for the Microwave Burrito Buster! Ace Adams is down, but there’s no pin. Joey Malone locks on
the BearTamer, and Ace Adams is gritting his teeth, trying not to tap out. That is, until Warren applies the Camel Clutch. Ace holds out for…about one
second. Then he cries out “I GIVE UP! I GIVE UP!”
JENNY JERSEY: And here are your winners..and NEW REBEL PRO WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS… WARREN AND JOEY MALONE!!!
C.A.B.S. are shattered. Ace Adams is broken. Joey Malone is stunned. Warren is crowd-surfing. Anything can happen in REBEL Pro! Warren and Joey Malone just
shocked the WORLD!
——————————————————————————–
Winter Blast
02/06/2008
Triple Threat Match: “The Show” Chad Kurtis vs Stylin’ Kyle Roberts vs Stone Zellor
JENNY JERSEY: It is now time for the WINTER BLAST main event! The following contest is a triple-threat match set for one-fall. This is a non-title match…
“The connection is made!”
The REBEL fans immediately voice their displeasure of the man and woman who walk through the curtain right then. Stone Zellor and his manager Lady Sparks
strut out to Elastica.
JENNY JERSEY: Introducing first accompanied to the ring by Lady Sparks… from Staten Island New York, he is the current NAPW Canadian Heritage champion…
STONE ZELLOR!
Stone and Sparks hit the ring, Stone reminding the crowd that indeed, he has skills.
“Guess who’s back?”
Hit it.
“They say I’m COCKY!
And I say WHAT?
It ain’t braggin’ motherfucker if you back it up!”
JENNY JERSEY: From Paducah Kentucky, he is a two-time REBEL Carolinas Champion… “THE SHOW” CHAD KURTIS!
The Show comes out wearing a boxing hoodie. He looks focused, intense, but that doesn’t remove the look of sheer ego that lines his face. The Show hits
the ring and raises an arm high. The crowd boos him, but he gets a few scattered cheers.
JENNY JERSEY: And finally…
“I am the man! With the master plan!”
JENNY JERSEY: From Moose Jaw Saskatchewan, is the current and reigning REBEL World Heavyweight Champion… STYLIN’ KYLE ROBERTS!
The crowd reacts with loud volume and a warm welcome for the champion, who struts out in all his glory.
ROB MARTINEZ: What an ovation for the champion! I don’t know if the ring can possibly HOLD all the egos in this match, Rex Caliber.
REX CALIBER: Hey, each one thinks he’s the best. Just ask one of ‘em!
ROB MARTINEZ: Referee Dale McDonald in charge of this contest, let’s run down the stipulation. If Zellor or Kurtis can pin Stylin’ Kyle Roberts, that man
will receive a world title shot next week. However, if Stylin’ Kyle Roberts wins the match, he can choose anyone – ANYone – on the REBEL roster for his
defense next week.
REX CALIBER: Gonna be interestin’ to see how the stipulation plays out. Normal Triple-Threat, you pin whatever man is most dead to win… but Stone Zellor,
The Show, they HAVE to pin Stylin’ Kyle. They pin each other, they ain’t gettin’ a title shot.
ROB MARTINEZ: Have to wonder if we will see an alliance between The Show and Stone Zellor… there’s the bell, this main event is underway!
Kyle Roberts, Stone Zellor, Chad Kurtis all staring each other down. All three men at six-foot-three, but Stone the clear lightweight. Jaw-jacking going
on here, all three men known to run their mouths – not to mention egotistical. Finally, Stone yells out to both his opponents:
“You ain’t got nothin’! I got SKILLZ, bitch!”
BOOOOOO. Stone isn’t fazed by the crowd’s reaction. He holds his arms out, as if to say ‘how you like that?’ The Show nods, almost looking like he respects
it… then he steps on the bottom rope and yells out… “My name is THE SHOW…”
“And I approve this ASS-KICKING!”
Chad gets down, looks at both men. Crowd ooooohs as Stone looks a little put out. He and The Show are glaring at each other, are they going to go at it?
They might have. But Kyle Roberts suddenly sticks his pinkies in his mouth and whistles sharply, drawing the entire crowd’s attention on him. Kyle holds
a hand out to either man, nodding in acknowledgement of their respective greatness…
And then taps the side of his head to remind them:
“SMARTER THAN YOU!”
ROB MARTINEZ: The REBEL fans have picked their favorite! And now here we go, all three men circling, and… we have a three-way lock-up!
REX CALIBER: I’m a big fan of three-way lock-ups, myself.
Roberts! Zellor! Kurtis! All three men trying to jockey for position, with a swelling motion they all break away. Stone rotates his shoulder as each man
attempts to formulate his plan of attack. All three men in action at once, it changes the gameplan. Roberts plays to the crowd as once again all three
men circle. They lunge for another lock-up.
Wait a second.
Roberts just grappled the referee?
Stone and Chad are locked up, Chad pushing the lighter Stone into the corner at the same time that Kyle muscles Dale Mcdonald into the opposite corner.
The referee calls for a break in the corner, Kyle does cleanly, shot — no, he pulled it. Dale isn’t too impressed as Kyle shrugs and grins at the fans.
Meanwhile, in the other corner, Chad with an irish whip sends Stone right towards Kyle and the referee! Kyle sidesteps calmly as Dale scrambles to get
out of harm’s way. Stone impacts the turnbuckle! The Show charges, only to get hiptossed by Roberts… RIGHT into Stone!
ROB MARTINEZ: I was just going to say, the champion doesn’t seem to be taking this match seriously, but he just sent Chad Kurtis crashing into Stone Zellor.
Snap suplex by Roberts on Zellor, leg drop, gets a two-count out of it. And now the champion is going to work!
REX CALIBER: I think the best strategy Stone and The Show could use is to team up, wipe Kyle out, then fight each other to figure out the winner.
ROB MARTINEZ: One of them has to pin Kyle, they can’t pin each other for a title shot.
REX CALIBER: Then they need to beat up Kyle real good, fight each other, then the winner of that pins Kyle to win the match. I know I got no problem seein’
Kyle get beat up real good.
Roberts with Stone, Irish whip! Stone reverses, ducks down for a back body drop, Roberts stops short and kicks him in the face. Stone stands up in pain,
POKE. Right in the eyes! Kyle grabs Stone by the back of the head and points over the top rope before tossing Stone to the floor the hard way!
REX CALIBER: This ain’t a battle royal, Roberts!
ROB MARTINEZ: No, but now Kyle can focus on The Show alone!
The Show comes in and catches Roberts with a quick kick to the back of the thigh. Roberts tries to block another one and The Show drives a forearm into
his face. Another one sends Kyle into the turnbuckle. The Show charges with a high-velocity clothesline! Roberts falls to the canvas, and that’s the signal
for the BEST! MOONSAULT! EVER—
Roberts rolls to the floor, but The Show lands on his FEET in the ring. Roberts SMARTER THAN YOU — watch out! Here comes THE SHOW with a vaulting body
press! He connects and both men are out on the floor. The Show is up first, pulling Roberts up and whipping him towards the steel guardrail. The champ
puts on the brakes and sends Chad crashing into the STEEL. Roberts looks to charge —
BASEBALL SLIDE STONE! He came out of nowhere to catch Kyle unawares, sending HIM into the steel! Stone stomps away on the champion as Chad pulls himself
up. Stone suddenly charges The Show and clotheslines him over the guardrail into the first row! “That’s what I’m talkin’ bout bitch!” Stone turns his attention
back to Stylin’ Kyle, booting him hard in the stomach. DDT on the concrete and the champ is down! But it’s not falls count anywhere, just REBEL rules.
Stone pulls Kyle up and slides him into the ring, following in for a quick cover. One, two, kick-out!
REX CALIBER: Stone Zellor needs to take advantage now, while Chad is still picking himself up from the puddles and garbage in the crowd.
Zellor with a knife-edge chop on Kyle’s chest, Kyle seeking refuge in the corner. Stone ignores the referee’s admonition to get out of the corner and begins
stomping away while holding the top rope for leverage. He stomps Kyle down to a seated position, then grabs the top rope on either side of the turnbuckle…
leap UP, then DRIVES both feet into the face of Stylin’ Kyle. Stone sits there for a moment, feeling damn good about himself. He drags Kyle out of the
corner and throws on the CHOKE. Referee wants him to break, he won’t count any submission or victory from a chokehold.
Stone relents, but then directs Lady Sparks… to throw him a steel chair! Stone taps the canvas with it. This is how he laid out Roberts and The Show last
month! Roberts is up… TURN AROUND!
SWING
Roberts gets PASTED in the face and goes down. Stone lays back on him, grabbing a leg absently, ONE, TWO —
Chad Kurtis pulls Stone out of the ring by the leg! Stone staggered, The Show LAYS HIM OUT WITH A SUPERKICK! On the outside! Show DIVES into the ring and
covers a prone Kyle! ONE, TWO, Kick-out!
ROB MARTINEZ: A close two-count there, would Kyle have been able to kick-out if Chad Kurtis hadn’t pulled Stone out?
REX CALIBER: Who knows, but man, what if The Show took the pin for all of Stone’s hard work? He’d have a title shot. Opportunity knocks you gotta answer.
ROB MARTINEZ: Alliance or not, either way the champion is in trouble if both challengers are focusing on HIM.
The Show pulls Kyle up, rear waist lock. Kyle fights the German suplex attempt, though! Snap mares the man over, STIFF kick to the back of The Show. Kyle
looks out at the crowd, “ONE MORE?” WHAM! The Show’s eyes widen in pain as the “thud” echoes throughout the venue. Kyle gets some speed and delivers a
picture-perfect Hennig rolling necksnap. Off the ropes, SEATED DROPKICK to the face of The Show! The champion putting together a combination of moves,
and now he wants it! The Bear-Tamer! Roberts grabs Kurtis by the legs, can he turn him over? He’s almost got him, Kurtis fighting… The Show has too much
life left life! Roberts shrugs, then drives a knee right into the wide-open crotchital region of The Show!
Kyle shrugs. “Who, me?” The ref admonishes him but it doesn’t faze Roberts. And now it’s time to GO TO SCHOOL. Roberts pulls Chad up, butterfly-backbreaker!
One more and Chad is writhing in pain. Roberts grabs the arms and surfboards, trying to soften Chad up for the Bear-Tamer… And Stone Zellor is getting
back into the ring! He charges, but Kyle spots him coming. Roberts ducks Stone’s clothesline and CHOPS him. WHOOO! WHOOO! WHOO! Stone sent into the ropes,
Roberts with a snap powerslam puts Stone down ON TOP of Chad Kurtis! Both opponents are stacked on top of each other, and Roberts has his opening. He leaps
to the second rope
LIONSAULT!
On both opponents!
Kyle holds his own ribs in pain, but manages to scramble over to Stone for a cover. ONE, TWO, kick-out! Undaunted, Kyle covers The Show. ONE, TWO, Kick-out!
Kyle backs off, he has both opponents down in the ring but couldn’t put it away. He gets up… and it’s time! Time to finish this! Roberts backs up, stalking
the first man to get up… and that man is Stone Zellor! The champion with a toe-kick, Moose Jaw Driver — No, Stone wriggles free and drops behind Roberts!
The champ turns around
PIMP SLAP!
Roberts spins woozily, leaving him in prime position to be SPIKED into the canvas by The Show’s Reverse STO! The Show covers, one, two, Stone pulls The
Show off. Now Stone covers, one, two, The Show pulls him off.
ROB MARTINEZ: For just a moment it seemed as if these two were on the same page, but only one man can win the title shot, and that’s going to keep this
competitive. And that might be the only chance Stylin’ Kyle has!
REX CALIBER: One way or another, Roberts is goin’ down tonight! Even if I have to do it myself!
ROB MARTINEZ: Why would tonight be any different from the last six hundred times you wrestled Roberts?
REX CALIBER: Watch it, Robbie!
The Show shoves Chad down and goes back to Roberts. Grabbed and turned around, PIMP SLAP — WHAM. STONE is rocked back and his heels courtesy of one HELL
of a right hand by the Kentucky native. And then The Show tackles Stone down, raining down rights and lefts to a pop? Well the fans are happy to see Stone
get his. Chad gets off his man, looking out at the crowd with an intense expression. He pulls Stone up and fires him into the ropes, then runs himself.
Wait! Lady Sparks grabs Chad’s ankle, holding him up. Stone with a high-knee catches Chad and dumps him through the ropes, though Chad remains on the apron.
Stone is mighty pleased with himself. Meanwhile, Stylin’ Kyle Roberts has rolled to the floor. He’s realized Stone and Chad are occupied, and takes a seat
next to Jenny Jersey. Is he trying to get her phone number (again)?
Chad on the apron, Stone grabs a handful of hair. Looking to bring the man in the hard way, The Show blocks. Stone hits him, tries again, but Show gets
a leg in the ropes to prevent the suplex. Finally he fires back! Series of shots to the side of the ribs, until finally Stone releases. The Show stuns
the man with a forearm! Stone is staggered, as The Show leaps to the top rope — bounces and TURNS in mid-air before springboarding off with a moonsault
INTO the inverted DDT!
ROB MARTINEZ: He calls that SHOWTIME!, and that could be all in any other match. But The Show knows that pinning Stone Zellor, while it would win him the
match, won’t get him the World title shot!
REX CALIBER: Look at Roberts, out there trying to hide, that’s your champion?
ROB MARTINEZ: I just think he’d give up after Jenny’s shot him down so many times.
Jenny is rolling her eyes at some bad pick-up line from Kyle as The Show slides to the floor. He isn’t here for fun and games! But Kyle isn’t REBEL champ
on a fluke, and he blocks Chad’s first shot, then gets a knee into the man’s stomach. Roberts sends The Show face-first into the STEEL ringpost! “‘scuse
me,” Roberts says to Jenny Jersey as he reaches past her to grab…
THE RING BELL
DING!
The Show has rolled back into the ring, where Stone Zellor is in a corner seemingly out of it. Roberts steps through the ropes and holds his favorite weapon
high. The Show is slow to his feet… and he’s busted open! The Show has been busted open from the steel ring post, and that’s not all. Roberts readies
and lunges for the “DING” — The Show moves! Roberts off-balance, WAIT A MINUTE! WHAM! Stone Zellor CLOCKS him from behind with the Heritage Title belt!
Roberts crashes to the canvas, and then Stone wields the weapon against The Show. Kurtis has enough presence of mind to duck the shot, and then DDTS Stone
into the mat on the reverse! The Show shakes away the cobwebs, realizes Roberts position, then leaps to the ropes for the BEST
MOONSAULT
EVER!!!
NAILS IT! ONE! TWO! THREEEE—
ROBERTS KICKS OUT!
ROB MARTINEZ: A near, NEAR fall, I don’t know how Roberts was able to get out of that one! Not after that belt shot!
REX CALIBER: He’s on the horse steroids, Martinez.
ROB MARTINEZ: Put your biases against the man aside for one night and offer some USEFUL color!
REX CALIBER: You want color? How about the color The Show’s wearing, and Kyle’s got comin’ from the back of his head? Stone split him open!
Show grabs Kyle by the hair, he’s calling for the CK FINALE! Has the man set up BIG BOOT STONE! Zellor flies in and clocks Chad right in the teeth. He grabs
the man by the back of the trunks and tosses him to the floor, then looks for Kyle. Double arm DDT impales the champion, and then it’s Stone’s turn to
go up top! Here it comes! DIVING HEADBUTT…
CONNECTS!
Stone hooks the leg, gasping, and it’s ONE! TWO! THREEEEEEE—
THE SHOW breaks it up with a running kick! Oh MAN! The Show LAUNCHING brutal kicks into Stone’s mid-section! Show’s turn to toss Stone to the outside. To
the apron, PRIME TIME SPLASH coming up Stone shakes the ropes! Show loses his balance and crashes to the floor, clipping his chin on the edge of the apron
on the way down. Stone stomps him on the floor, this match is getting more vicious by the minute. A shot at the REBEL title is on the line, and Stone Zellor
won’t let anybody keep him from MORE gold. He slides back into the ring and sees a rising Stylin’ Kyle feeling the open divot in the back of his head.
Kyle holds his hands in front of him.
There is blood on his hands. Blood on the hands of the man.
His face… changes. Here comes Stone! Toe-kick! He hooks onto Scar — Roberts ROARS and charges into the corner, ramming Stone backfirst into it! Stone
tries to hold on, Roberts lifts him and RAMS him again! Stone leaves it this time as Roberts starts wailing away with stiff, sick shots in the corner.
Stone is being pounded brutally. Roberts finally relents at the referee’s insistence, only to retrieve the weapon he had earlier. The ring bell is in his
bloody hands. Stylin’ Kyle strides in and BLASTS Stone on the top of the head with it.
DING.
ROB MARTINEZ: The champion is metamorphosing into The Man With The Blood On His Hands! You saw the way his face changed when he saw the blood…!
REX CALIBER: All I know is that this is bad news for Stone Zellor, cos The Man With The Blood On His Hands has crippled other wrestlers!
Stone collapses down. The champion stares down at his red red hands, breathing heavily through clenched teeth. He yells in fury, then grabs Stone and locks
in the BEAR-TAMER. Stone cries out in pain as Roberts cinches it in, knee into the back, damn near breaking Stone in half. Stone is just about to tap…
when The Show storms back into the ring!
But Roberts will not be denied.
He lets Stone go and takes The Show down with swift suddenness. And just like that – THE SHOW IS IN THE BEAR-TAMER. Roberts wrenches back, mouth open and
a twisted mask of blood and rage! The Show’s face is a mask of blood and PAIN!
ROB MARTINEZ: The Show has tapped out to this hold before, that’s how Kyle won the title back from him! How long can he hold on?
Roberts again yelling with inarticulate rage. Stone is in a corner, trying to get up, but he’s still trying to get his wits about him. Meanwhile Show is
trying to crawl, trying to reach to the ropes. Roberts doesn’t want to even move, and Show looks like he will tap out… no! He clenches his outstretched
hand into a fist and makes one final effort… and makes the ropes.
Too bad Kyle doesn’t feel like letting go.
Referee Dale McDonald tells Kyle to break the hold, Chad’s in the ropes, but Kyle won’t have any of it! He continues to apply the pressure, McDonald warning
him that a submission won’t count if the man is in the ropes. There are no DQs in REBEL, he can’t get DQed for not breaking, but he can’t win. Does he
even want to? Roberts has snapped! Chad continues clawing and pulling, his exclamations of pain growing louder… until suddenly, Chad is so far out that
Kyle can’t keep ahold of the move. Chad drops to the ring apron as the grip is lost. Roberts looks down, ready to go after Chad, when Stone attacks him
from behind! Zellor lifts a knee into Kyle’s chest, then clotheslines him down. That’s it! Stone quickly to the top, and NAILS a rising Roberts right in
the face with a missile dropkick! He covers!
ONE!
TWO!
THKICKOUT!
Stone looks at the referee, “dat was three man!” McDonald affirms that it was only two. Stone picks Roberts up LIFT UP! Roberts with a sudden burst has
Stone on his shoulders!
MOOSE JAW DRIVERRRRR!
ONE!
TWO!
TH—
STONE GETS THE SHOULDER UP!
Now it’s Kyle’s turn to be in disbelief. That was three! Only two. Only two. Roberts hits the ropes, POLAR-IZER! That puts Stone down hard, and here we
go!
ONE!
TWO!
TH—
The Show makes a last second save! He grabs Kyle, chopping away. Irish whip, reversed! The Show at a run, but he catches Kyle with a FRANKENSTEINER —
No.
Kyle sits down and latches on the Bear-Tamer! The Show is trapped again in the middle of the ring!
CLANG
Stone Zellor with a chair shot right to the back of Roberts, and that breaks up the hold. Roberts sags, what energy he had mustered seems gone. He turns
around to face Stone, scooped up…
TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER!
Stone covers! That’s all! ONE!
TWO!
THREE—
The Show breaks it up with a RUNNING SHOOTING STAR! Where the hell did he get the adrenaline? Wait a minute! The Show baseball slides Stone OUT of the ring
and hard into the guardrail! In the ring, Stylin’ Kyle is getting up, a dazed look on his face. Does he even know where he is?
The Show does.
TOE-KICK
CK FINALEEEEEEEEE…
CONNECTS!
THE SHOW COVERS! ONE!
TWO!
THREEEEE! Stone tries to dive into the ring TOO late!
JENNY JERSEY: Here is your winner, “THE SHOW” CHAD KURTIS!
——————————————————————————–
Bloody Valentine
02/14/2008
Circle K Brawl: Krusty Kid Paul vs Warren
JENNY JERSEY: REBEL fans, please direct your attention to the Hard Rock Cafe stage… it is now time for the CIRCLE K DEATHMATCH!
ROB MARTINEZ: We’ve wondered all week what kind of match this would be, and well, it looks like REBEL has brought the Circle K right into the Hard Rock
Cafe!
REX CALIBER: Hey Rob, go see if they got the latest “Maxim” in that magazine rack. Or better yet —
ROB MARTINEZ: That’ll be enough!
Lights come up on the stage area. Where normally rock bands would do their thing, instead we see all the trapping of the interior of a convenience store.
A rack of potato chips and a rack of candy bars, a counter with a microwave and all the nacho fixins, a freezer no doubt filled with goodies, a rack of
magazines, all kinds of stuff. And on either side of the stage are the two dispensing machines which have brought this match up. Yes, folks. A slurpee
machine on one side; a big gulp machine on the other side. Complete with cups and straws and all that.
JENNY JERSEY: The rules of the match are as follows: The match begins inside the Circle K! Falls count ANYWHERE within the Hard Rock Cafe, and the loser
of the match must give up his drink-related move! Now, introducing the competitors…
THE METAL! Superjoint Ritual KICKS YOUR ASS. And that can only mean one man… Krusty Kid Paul walks out from the stage entrance to a chorus of boos. His
expression? HOSTILE.
JENNY JERSEY: Introducing first from Kitchener, Ontario Canada… weighing two-hundred and forty pounds, he is one-half of the NAPW Tag Team Champions.
The master of the SLUSHIE Maneuver, he is KRUSTY! KID! PAUL!
ROB MARTINEZ: Krusty Kid Paul, unusually tonight is all alone! The rest of SAD have gone back to Canada… except Dextro, who was kidnapped by Impact Inc
last week. Which is disturbing.
REX CALIBER: I bet Dextro is longing for the days sleeping on broken bottles in the SAD HQ after being prisoner of those subway foot-long lovers all week.
Paul walks into the convenience store area and out to the rail at the front of the stage. He raises his arms high, the crowd giving him holy hell. He gives
a punk snarl and flips the double-bird.
JENNY JERSEY: And his opponent…
“We’re not gonna take it!
NO! We ain’t gonna take it!
We’re not gonna take it… ANYMORRRRE!”
JENNY JERSEY: And his opponent! From outfront of your local Circle K, yes, even tonight, weighing one-hundred eighty-seven pounds and one-half of the REBEL
World tag team champions! The owner of the SUPER BIG GULP Maneuver… WARREN!
The slacker bursts through stage right in black dickies shorts and a white VAN HALEN t-shirt! Like KKP, he is sans title belt… no doubt neither man wants
to worry about where it might end up in this one. Warren jumps down the stage and races around the ringside area, slapping hands with all the fans as he
goes! He jumps up onto stage and looks out to the fans, “STAGE DIVE!” he yells —
WHAM. KKP nails him from behind! Warren almost goes off the stage, but KKP doesn’t want that to happen, instead he grabs Warren and sends him flying backwards
with a GERMAN SUPLEX! Holy crap!
REX CALIBER: That’s what you get for showboating! This match is over before it starts, Martinez.
ROB MARTINEZ: A hell of a german suplex sends Warren right into the chip rack! And that’s no sort-of-but-not-really cushioned canvas, that’s hard flooring!
KKP looks out to the fans, then comes. Warren is buried in bags of salty crunchy delights. KKP grabs the air
WHAP!
DORITO BAG ACROSS THE FACE! KKP is momentarily stunned. Warren grabs a bag of CHEETOS in either hand and whaps Paul on either side of the head in an explosion
of cheesy snackfoods!
REX CALIBER: It’s raining cheetos!
Warren reaches his hand into the bag and shovels a handful of cheetos into his mouth. Paul isn’t exactly “HURT” so Warren kicks him in the gut and cinches
a headlock? Running facebuster onto the stage! Warren gets up and flashes the METAL! Warren gets up on the stage rail, MOONSAULT! Right on top of Krusty
Kid Paul! The first cover, referee Dale McDonald counts ONE —
And that’s all, as KKP kicks out in a hurry. Warren is up first but Krusty Kid Paul nails him in the stomach as Warren comes in. And now KKP just looks
mad, he punches Warren right in the face sending the slacker king stumbling down. Paul grabs Warren by the scruff of the neck and shoves Warren’s face
into the floor, right into some of the snack debris. Paul is nasty! Rubbing Warren’s face hard into the floor. He pulls Warren up, a cheeto pops off Warren’s
orangey skin… crossface shot! Right across the nose! Warren goes down and Paul, oh no! He pushes the chip rack over on top of Warren! Bags of chips fly
everywhere!
ROB MARTINEZ: The chips might be light, but that rack isn’t so much! Warren is in a lot of trouble here!
Paul however doesn’t take up, what’s this? He leans over the railing, yelling for one of the fans steel chair. All eyes in the Hard Rock are on the stage…
some cowered fan hands over his chair. Paul snaps it shut with a clang, then raises it high…
CRAAAANGGGG!
Brings it down right on top of the metal chip rack on top of Warren! The shot echoes out through the Cafe as the fans wince in unison. Paul tosses the chair
away and moves the rack, cover! ONE! TWO! Warren kicks out! Paul gets up and STOMPS on his face! Yeowch! Now Paul pulls Warren up… “You (BLEEP) (BLEEP),
you want my slurpee so bad? HERE HAVE SOME!”
ROB MARTINEZ: OH NO! KRUSTY KID PAUL IS TRYING TO DROWN WARREN IN SLURPEE!
REX CALIBER: Well, it’s not a BAD way to go…
The crowd is in terror as Paul holds Warren underneath the dispenser with a fierce neck-grip, and then uses his free hand to DISPENSE THE SLUSHIE! Green
frozen slush pours down right into Warren’s mouth, overflowing and covering his face, coming down his shirt! “Let’s try the (BLEEP) cherry!” The other
handle is pulled and now Warren is getting bright red poured down! *glug glug* The referee should stop the match! Warren is drowning!
But wait, Paul’s face looks concerned. Warren’s arm shoots up! His foot stomps the canvas! Why isn’t Warren DEAD? Paul looks around, “WHAT THE FUCK?” He
turns his head side to side in disbelief! And suddenly the mass of slushie is going down…
WARREN HAS ATE HIMSELF FREE! Or drunk! Whatever you do with a slurpee! Paul yells out “(BLEEP) YOU!” but Warren reaches forward and pulls, conking KKP headfirst
into the machine. That staggers the man as Warren stands up, stained red and green like a christmas disaster. “WEEZ THE JUICE!” Warren leans back underneath
the dispenser and PULLS!
ROB MARTINEZ: HE’S WEEZING THE JUICE!
REX CALIBER: WRESTLING IS RUINED FOREVER!
Warren gets out from under the sugary confection, then staggers backwards with hands on his temples. “BRAIN FREEZE! OWWWWW!” The crowd laughs, then gasps
as Krusty Kid Paul is back up! He swings but Warren ducks and rolls across the stage. Paul comes in with evil intentions —
“WAIT DUDE!”
KKP stops in mid-swing, blinking. Warren is holding out to him like the Holy Grail…
“Wouldn’t you rather have a DELICIOUS Hostess Fruit Pie then kick my butt? Available in both apple and cherry flavors! Dude!”
REX CALIBER: I think he’s going for it!
Paul looks at Warren, then breaks out in a big grin. He puts his fist down and takes the fruit pie. CHOMP! KKP nods in happiness, flashing a thumbs up!
Warren cheers!
ROB MARTINEZ: Well, we may have an unexpected end to this match! Warren seems to have won over Krusty Kid Paul thanks to HOSTESS Fruit Pies!
REX CALIBER: And why wouldn’t he? They’re flaky pastry filled with DELICIOUS fruit filling in cherry or apple flavors OH SHIT!
WHAM! KKP squishes the rest of the pie in his hand. Because he made a fist. Which he punched Warren in the face with. Warren stumbles over the freezer.
KKP slams his face into the freezer top, then opens it up… He sticks Warren’s upper body in the freezer and slams the lid down! Ow man! Warren gets pulled
out, but… SNOW IN THE FACE! KKP backs off, wiping his eyes, as Warren capitalizes by—
Sticking a frozen burrito in the microwave? He sets the time, and then turns around.
WHAM!
Paul boots him in the face with a running big boot! That FLOORS Warren, no kidding. Paul doesn’t cover, instead grabbing Warren by the hair. He picks him
up and jams his head inbetween his legs. No, not that way. Time to end this! PILEDRIVER — Warren fights it! He kicks his legs, KKP hammers him on the
back. Another try, Warren fights with all he’s worth! Double leg takedown! Wait a minute… Warren with a CATAPULT sends Paul into the candy bar rack!
Paul and it go down hard, candy scattering everywhere. Warren however is feeling it, holding the side of his face in clear pain. Hell, KKP’s boot print
is visible. He sinks down in front of the microwave as Paul tries to get himself up. KKP shakes it off and then, snarling like a beastlyped, rushes at
Warren!
BEEP BEEP BEEEEEP
The microwave is done. Warren reaches up and opens the door
RIGHT INTO A CHARGING PAUL’S FACE!
Warren stands up as Paul is down, holding his nose. Warren grabs the burrito from inside and chomps on it. “EM EM EM! Still frozen inside, hot outside!
Maaaaan…” Then Warren tosses the burrito aside, seeing a chance to take over on Paul. He picks the man up and delivers a swinging neckbreaker on the
stage. Then Warren goes over to the super big gulp machine and pours himself a big one, mixing all the flavors. He pours another one, then holds them both
high like he’s Stone Cold Steve Austin!
BIG GULP BASH! CHUG CHUG CHUG!
Paul is up, Warren covered in soda pop, THEN
KICKWHAMSTUNNER!!!
REX CALIBER: OH COME ON!
ROB MARTINEZ: STUNNER! STUNNER! STUNNNNNNER!
Paul rebounds up and nearly backflips over from the SHEER IMPACT! Warren hooks a leg ONE! TWO! TH—KICK OUT! The crowd can’t believe it, they thought that
was it! Warren sits up, disappointed, but he’s got an IDEA. The slacker … what’s he doing? He hops up onto the counter beside the microwave! He grabs
out the tray of nacho chips and starts doling out fixings, salsa, sour cream, melted cheese… Paul is slowly getting up. Warren waits for him —
FLYING NACHO SHOT!
Paul is blasted and covered in gooey goodness as Warren rallies the crowd behind him. He points up… TO THE TOP OF THE BIG GULP DISPENSER! Warren don’t
do it! He climbs back on the counter… then on top of the Big Gulp Dispenser! It wobbles as the crowd gasps, but Warren holds his balance! KKP is in perfect
position! WARREN
FLIES.
NOBODY HOME!
ROB MARTINEZ: Krusty Kid Paul moved out of the way, good God! Warren just hit pure hard stage from eight feet high!
REX CALIBER: And now it’s OVER, Martinez!
ROB MARTINEZ: SPINEBUSTER by KKP, shaking the stage! My God that’s gotta be all! ONE! TWO! THREE—- NO! SHOULDER UP!
REX CALIBER: The kid shoulda stayed down, it’s only going to get worse from here!
Rex Caliber, prophet? Maybe. Paul gets up, then gets distracted by the glossy cover of a magazine. He grabs it, gets up on the counter and drops an elbow
on Warren… then leans back and flips open the centerfold. “(BLEEP) yeah!” Paul tosses the magazine away and lazily covers Warren, one, two, another shoulder
up. Paul didn’t even care on that one.
REX CALIBER: See Martinez, Paul was just content to beat Warren before… but now he’s been insulted. Warren better have his health insurance paid up, cos
here comes the pain.
Paul gets up, fingers the crowd again, and then stomps Warren as he tries to crawl away. Paul stomps on his fingers as Warren reaches out. The crowd is
starting to boo Paul heavily. He looks out at them, snarls, and pulls him up. He grabs the back of the neck and shorts and then unceremoniously beale tosses
Warren over the stage rail to the floor below!
Paul raises his head high, eyes closed, loving his evil. But the crowd’s reaction breaks his reverie. The gasps have given way to loud chants of “WAR-REN!
WAR-REN!” Paul puts his hands on the guard rail and looks down…
WARREN IS BEING CROWD SURFED BY THE CROWD! They send him all the way around the ring as Warren flashes the metal sign and loves it!
But Krusty Kid Paul doesn’t love it. He gets off the stage and shoves his way through the crowd of people to where Warren is, then YANKS him down to the
ground the hard way, Warren almost landing right on top of his head. Paul tells people to “(BLEEP)in’ MOVE!” Fans scatter in a hurry as Warren is tossed
right into three rows of chairs! It’s chaos! KKP follows with a big stomp and then grabs Warren by the back of the head and drags him up from the main
area… into the bar?
REX CALIBER: KKP needs a REAL thirst-quenching beverage!
The fans in the bar getting their drinks scatter as Paul throws Warren into the middle of things. Warren is not looking so good. Paul yells at the bartender
for a beer. It’s tossed to him and Paul downs it quickly.
Then smashes the bottle on the edge of the bar.
ROB MARTINEZ: Oh no, not again! KKP has that jagged bottle top like a weapon, he did this last week… oh my god! He’s carving Warren up!
REX CALIBER: THIS IS REBEL PRO, BITCHES!
Paul digs the jagged bottle into Warren with jabs as Warren yells in pain and falls forward. Paul pulls him back up and a new shade of red is streaming
down Warren’s forehead, the crimson red of blood. Paul digs the bottle top across Warren’s forehead. “AAAAAAAAARGH!” Warren screams in pain. Referee Dale
McDonald can’t do anything but count a fall, he can’t stop this! Paul gets bored of this and tosses the bottle away, almost hitting a fan. He grabs Warren
up and slams him front-first on top of the bar… then slides Warren along the bar, crashing into glasses and bottles until his face meets the wall. It’s
like a cartoon, only not funny. Warren goes limp, arms dangling off the bar. KKP orders a shot? “DOS TEQUILA.” The trembling bartender finds some shot
glasses and pours the shots — KKP grabs the bottle out of his hands. “(BLEEP) that!” Paul pours tequila straight from the bottle into his mouth, licking
his lips. Then he grabs Warren and pulls his face over…
OH GOD!
KKP POURING BURNING TEQUILA RIGHT DOWN WARREN’S THROAT! Warren kicks and struggles as Paul empties the bottle, splashing tequila everywhere! Warren falls
off the bar, coughing violently and choking. Paul kicks him in the ribs viciously, flipping Warren onto his back. He covers, ONE, TWO, THREE— shoulder
up! It might not have been Warren, it might have only been the violence of his coughing, but somehow Warren’s still alive.
REX CALIBER: If Warren had any brains, he’d have stayed down right there! But he’s FRIGGING WARREN, so we know he don’t!
ROB MARTINEZ: And KKP almost drowning the kid in tequila, that stuff burns! Just because SAD drink it like water… this match is getting out of hand!
REX CALIBER: No kidding.
Paul argues with McDonald about that count. It was only two. Somehow. KKP turns around and kicks a rising Warren in the head. Paul grabs the kid up and
says “It’s over!” He hooks a german suplex, looking for the BOTTLE OPENER —
But wait! Warren is sent through the air so violently he’s able to land on his feet! Warren himself looks surprised. Paul turns around, no elbow drop to
complete, then charges Warren —
BACK DROP! KKP TUMBLES OUT OF THE BAR AGAINST THE MAIN STAIRWELL! He narrowly avoids landing on the merchandise table set up in that corner, but Warren
leaps down at him with a flying cross body that takes the man down! HE COVERS! ONE! TWO! NO! Warren is running on fumes, but he’s got to do something.
KKP is getting up, Warren grabs a nearby steel chair and HUCKS it in his face! Paul takes it, but doesn’t go down. Warren grabs another steel chair, hucks
this one — and Paul catches it!
Warren dropkicks it in Paul’s face! Cover! ONE! TWO! KICK-OUT! KKP WILL NOT STAY DOWN! Warren with energy from who knows where, hits a DDT on KKP! That
one has to be all —
ONE! TWO! KICK-OUT!
REX CALIBER: Just TRY keeping Krusty Kid Paul down for a three-count! Warren don’t have a hope in hell!
ROB MARTINEZ: Warren throwing everything he’s got at KKP, but to no avail! And he only has so much left after the vicious beating he’s taken at the hands
of the SAD member!
Warren points to the sky, it’s time for a MICROWAVE BURRITO BUSTER! He hooks KKP… there’s no turnbuckle, so he runs off the wall instead! NAILS IT! THAT’S
ALL!
ONE!
TWO!
KICK-OUT!
The crowd is in shock! KKP has kicked out of Warren’s patented finishing maneuver! Warren looks at the referee in disbelief. “You’re like, totally kidding?”
McDonald assures Warren it was only three. Warren isn’t sure what to do. He looks to the crowd, then finally grabs KKP, pulling him up while trying to
formulate a plan —
SHOT.
KKP nails him in the gut hard, then brings Warren’s face into his knee. Paul, bruised and stained with the colors in this match, grabs one of the nearby
chairs and opens it up. Oh no. He hooks Warren up on top of the table! He’s going to hit a piledriver… not just any piledriver! He looks like he’s going
to jump off the stage onto the open chair! HERE HE GOES —
NO! Warren flips up with the momentum, HURACANRANA! Both men tumble off the stage! They’re hurt, but get up somehow, just adrenaline, and Paul comes in,
Warren ducks the big boot, hooks the head —
MICROWAVE BURRITO BUSTER THROUGH THE OPEN CHAIR!
The crowd goes crazy, as Warren could pin… but wait.
Warren isn’t going for the pin. What is this?
ROB MARTINEZ: What are you doing, son? You could win the match! Keep your move!
REX CALIBER: His brain must got punctured too.
ROB MARTINEZ: Wait a minute. Warren … what’s he doing? He just rolled KKP on top of the merch table. What is he… Why is Warren going up the main stairwell?
REX CALIBER: He’s running away, Martinez! Warren doesn’t want any more of Krusty Kid Paul!
Warren gets to the top of the stairwell, some 12 feet above where Krusty Kid Paul is. The entrance doors are a few feet away, next to the Hard Rock gift
shop. Warren looks out the door…
Then spins and looks over the railing down to KKP on top of the table. The crowd gets to their feet in horror.
Because Warren is climbing on top of the guard rail.
He barely holds himself steady, looks out over the crowd, then pulls his soaked and stained t-shirt off, revealing his less-than-impressive physique, but
he’s FEELING IT. Stained with Sweat, Blood, Slurpee, Cheetos and Soda Warren flashes DOUBLE METAL FISTS…
AND
THEN
FLIES
SUPERRRRRR BIIIIIIIG GUUUUUUUUULP!
ROB MARTINEZ: OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GAAAAAAAAAAAWWD!
REX CALIBER: YOU (BLEEP)IN’ KIDDING ME!
ROB MARTINEZ: WARREN FROM OVER 16 FEET HIGH JUST CRASHED THROUGH KRUSTY KID PAULLLLL! THEY’RE BOTH DEAD!
THE CROWD!
“HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!”
Warren and Krusty Kid Paul lay strewn in the midst of the ruins of the table, neither man moving. The crowd? THEY HAVEN’T SAT DOWN.
Finally… Warren rolls over, an arm just barely draping KKP. McDonald counts somewhere in the midst of the debris… ONE! TWO! THREE!
JENNY JERSEY: Here is your winner… WARREN!
What a match! What a match! The crowd is going crazy as McDonald calls for help. Trainers and security come out and help Warren up, helping him to the back.
Warren manages to raise one hand high, but he’s BEAT. Security have KKP up on his feet, he shoves them away. Paul stumbles to the back on his own…
REX CALIBER: That was FUCKING crazy!
ROB MARTINEZ: Warren keeps the Super Big Gulp, Krusty Kid Paul… must abandon the Slushie move! One hell of a match, for pride… but just barely Warren
comes out on top.
REX CALIBER: He don’t look like a winner, but damn.
——————————————————————————–
BloodyValentine
02/14/2008
Barbwire Cage Match for the World Title: “The Show” Chad Kurtis vs Stylin’ Kyle Roberts
*Match of the Year
JENNY JERSEY: The following contest is the MAIN EVENT OF THE EVENING! It is a Barbwire Cage match and it is for the REBEL HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP OF THE
WORLD!
“Guess who’s back?”
Hit it.
“They say I’m COCKY!
And I say WHAT?
It ain’t braggin’ motherfucker if you back it up!”
And out comes the challenger. He receives a mixed reaction, some boos, some cheers, but everyone is doing something. It’s loud… REAL LOUD. He smiles at
the crowd and struts to the ring. He then stares up at the fifteen foot high, steel cage waiting for him. ROB MARTINEZ: Chad has been very vocal that some
fence and chicken wire won’t keep him from the title.
REX CALIBER: They ALL sound tough until they see the cage. The cage isn’t that bad, the barbwire at the top… now that will frighten the most hardcore
guys in the fed.
Chad shakes the cage a bit, and then walks through the door.
“I am the man! With the master plan!”
The champ enters through the curtain, wearing the very prized championship belt. He doesn’t seem fazed by anything. He walks straight up to the cage. He
looks it up and down, then a smile is formed. He enters the cage, followed by referee Dale McDonald, who padlocks the cage.
JENNY JERSEY: Introducing first, from Paducah, Kentucky, now residing in Durham, North Carolina. He weighed in at two hundred twenty six pounds. He is a
former TWO TIME REBEL Carolina’s Champion! He is a former REBEL Heavyweight champion of the World. He is the True PTP’er, The Innovator of Offense, THE
SHOW… CHAD KURTIS!
The boos reign in some, but the cheers are being heard as well. The tension in the air is thick.. real thick. These two men want one thing, and right now
Kyle Roberts by all means owns it.
JENNY JERSEY: And his opponent, from Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, now residing in Raleigh, North Carolina. He weighed i at two hundred sixty pounds. He is the
current reigning and defending REBEL Pro Wrestling Heavyweight Champion of the WORLD! STYLIN! KYLE ROBERTS!
The bell sounds, and three men are in that cage. Referee Dale McDonald and the two wrestlers.
ROB MARTINEZ: Notice the weight changes? Kyle gained three pounds and Chad lost four.
REX CALIBER: Yeah, Chad hasn’t been moping around like Kyle has, he been training!
The two men look at the cage, then look at themselves, then look at each other. The fans are standing up, and the anticipation is building. All the talking
done, other four matches out the window. No one will interfere. This is man versus man for supreme glory.
They go to the center of the ring and Chad offers a handshake. Kyle looks at the crowd and then lets Chad know that he doesn’t accept, cause “He’s smarter
than Chad.” Chad wipes off the offered hand and the two men lock up. Chad gets drove into the ropes and cage by the bigger Kyle Roberts. Kyle lets up and
follows it up with a WHOOO knife edge chop to the chest. Chad Kurtis smiles at him and flexes his muscles like Sting from 1990! Kyle Roberts doesn’t know
how to react as Chad tells him to bring it! Kyle attempts another but has his arm grabbed. Chad drags Kyle down and applies a Fujiwara Arm-Bar on the Champ!
ROB MARTINEZ: Chad said all week, that’d he would adapt to the environment he was gave. He has focused on a ground game it seems.
REX CALIBER: It seems as such, and he has his feet on the cage, using it for leverage.
ROB MARTINEZ: Smart move! And everything is legal in REBEL!
Chad hears the screams from the Canadian and loves it! The louder the scream the better. The Show lets go and gets up. He drops a leg down on the arm. He
picks up Kyle Roberts and Irish Whips him into the ropes. Kyle hangs onto the cage on the rebound and a drop kick attempt sees Chad hit the mat… HARD!
Kyle wastes little time and covers. ONE! And that’s all we get from that. Kyle has the advantage now and quickly turns Chad over. He kicks the lower back
of Chad, then drops a knee on it for good measure. Kyle Roberts is all about methodically picking a guy a part, and setting up his moves. Kyle drops down
and applies a modified Bow and Arrow! Chad screams as the champ wrenches.
REX CALIBER: You know how Kyle knows that move?
ROB MARTINEZ: You teach it to him?
REX CALIBER: Nah I taught to Amy before she met Kyle… though my version was MORE modified! And naked!
ROB MARTINEZ: You are one soulless individual. Can’t you see how heartbroken the man was?
REX CALIBER: Wait about thirty minutes and you’ll see a heartbroken man when this match ends. Guaranteed!
Kyle gets up and begins to stomp the back of Chad Kurtis. Kyle gets on the second rope and drops down with another knee.. THAT MISSES! Kyle Roberts hit
his knee hard. Chad gets up trying to stretch his back some, getting the feeling into it. Chad sees the limping Kyle Roberts and quickly drop kicks Kyle
in the knee, almost as fast as Kyle got up! Kyle Roberts in a prone position and Chad applies THE FIGURE FOUR LEG-LOCK!
REX CALIBER: Shades of Nature Boy Buddy Landell!
ROB MARTINEZ: Yeah I’m sure THAT’S the Nature Boy everyone thinks of when this move gets applied!
Kyle Roberts is struggling to get to the ropes. It won’t cause Chad to break the hold, but at least he can’t lose if he taps out in them! Kyle is getting
a boost from a PLEASE DON’T TAP CHANT! He feels the crowd, and not to many times have the crowd been louder than this ruckus Hard Rock Cafe! The fans aside,
Kyle must do something to get out. He puts his arm in the air, and tries to turn the move over. Chad is turning the other way, then begins punching the
knee of Kyle. Kyle won’t stop though, and FINALLY GETS IT TURNED! The Show is forced to let go, as he doesn’t want any pressure on his knees. His knees
are very important to his surviving this match.
ROB MARTINEZ: Kyle holds his knee and this is the most wrestling I’ve ever seen in a Barbwire Cage match.
Kyle limps up and Chad gets up as well. Chad showing less signs of back pain as the adrenaline must be pumping higher and higher. Kyle spots a running Chad
Kurtis. Kurtis with a FRANKENSTEINER! REVERSED INTO A POWERBOMB! Kyle points to his temple then covers. ONE! TWO! Not so fast! Chad with a shoulder up
and this match continues. Kyle, favoring his knee, sees a prone Chad. OFF THE ROPES… LIONSAULT! KNEES INTO THE STOMACH OF KYLE! Chad had the move well
scouted. Chad is up and… REVERSE STO! Kyle is out!
ONE!
TWO!
THRE- KICKOUT!
Kyle will NOT go quietly into the night. This match continues, and Chad is going up top. ELBOW DROP TO THE CHEST! Another pin fall! But Kyle gets his shoulder
up at two and seven eighths! Chad is getting more confident, or as his song goes, cocky. Kyle is down and needs to get up. Why? Cause Chad Kurtis is climbing
the cage. Kyle spots him and gets up. He gets to the opposite side of the cage, and Chad comes down after his plans are spoiled. Chad goes over toward
Kyle, who runs at Chad with a clothesline! Chad up quick and Kyle throws him into the ropes. TILT A WHIRL BACK-BREAKER! Chad writhes in pain as both men
are going full tilt for the World title!
ROB MARTINEZ: This is a classic roller coaster match up!
REX CALIBER: I’m not seeing enough of Kyle Roberts getting his ass kicked… and THAT ANGERS ME!
ROB MARTINEZ: You fight in the name of charity next week!
REX CALIBER: Yes, but that doesn’t please me now! I need satisfaction!
Kyle goes for the pin only receiving a two count. Dale McDonald has words with the complaining Kyle. Chants of GET UP SHOW! ring out throughout the theme
restaurant! Kyle looks frustrated as Chad wins the crowd over. Kyle goes to his play-book and brings out a Masa Chono original.. the STF! The back of Chad
has to be hurting in this painful move. As Kyle pulls with the crossface, Dale McDonald checks for a submission. Chad will not give as the fans start to
chant: PLEASE DON’T TAP! Well both men have heard that tonight, so apparently they never want this match to end. A near pro Kyle, mixed Chad crowd is pretty
much cheering both men equally now! Chad is in the middle of the ring, and has no way out. He starts flailing his arms backward, trying to escape… and
Kyle gets accidentally nicked in the eye. He breaks the hold quickly and Dale McDonald checks his eye. Kyle is having a hard time seeing the ref’s fingers.
Dale asks him if he can continue, and a FUCK YEAH is heard no matter if you are the front row to the people in the back. Chad Kurtis gets up slowly, as
Kyle winces to see him. Chad comes toward Kyle who is leaning on the ropes/cage and Kyle grabs Chad’s head and smashes it into the cage. Chad bounces off
and has a trickle of blood coming from his forehead. Kyle pounces on Chad, and begins hitting him with lefts and rights. Both men wrapped up their hands
real good, so it’s heavily taped fists landing. The cut is widened and the blood flows freely.
ROB MARTINEZ: Chad pissed Kyle off, but he didn’t mean to hit him in the eye.
REX CALIBER: Kyle just turned it up a notch, but nevertheless the move was broken. Now can Chad survive the onslaught of this pounding.
Kyle gets off him and sees blood on his hands. And a sick smile comes on Kyle’s face. The crowd pops big time as they know the match has just been turned
around. Chad is up and trying to climb the cage. Is he looking for a huge high spot? It doesn’t matter, Kyle isn’t gonna let it happen. He starts climbing
too and they are eye to eye with themselves and barbwire. Chad’s head is pushed forward, but Chad muscles up to stop it… centimeters from the barb wire.
He elbows Kyle and grabs his head, RAKING IT IN THE BARB WIRE! KYLE ROBERTS FALLS HARD TO THE MAT! Chad sees him… SPINNING LEG DROP FROM UP HIGH! THE
SHOW COVERS KYLE!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE! NOPE, NOT YET! Kyle somehow, someway gets a shoulder up. Instinct perhaps. The Show is bloody and looks to be in near tears. He thought he had him.
Chad gets frustrated and begins to wail on the head of Kyle Roberts. The already blood stained mat from earlier bloody matches is stained further as pool
of blood gathers under the head of Kyle. This is a mess and both men will start losing energy quick. Stamina building exercises don’t help a man when he
loses blood. Kyle has more than his hands with blood on them. It’s all in his hairy chest as well. Chad staggers up and waits in the corner. Kyle tries
getting up and is on one knee. SHINING WIZARD FROM CHAD KURTIS… DUCKED. Kyle gets up quick and SUPER KICK FROM KYLE ROBERTS? INDEED! Chad is out. Kyle
can’t cover but uses the time to get to his feet.
ROB MARTINEZ: Roberts is a damn mess. Maybe only the TBA street fight have I seen him bleed like this.
REX CALIBER: He isn’t the only man stuck here.. Chad isn’t exactly slowing down on the blood loss. This match might be decided on who has thicker blood.
Chad finally rises. Kyle is propped against the cage and ropes. A weird smile comes across both men’s face. They nod to one another, and meet in the middle
of the ring. The bump knuckles in a show of respect? This is INSANE! They tie up and Kyle gets caught in side headlock. He shoots Chad into the ropes,
off the rebound Kyle gets Chad in position for the MOOSE JAW DRIVER! IT CONNECTS! The cover, the hook of the leg:
ONE!
TWO!
THREE? NOPE! Foot on the ropes interrupts the count. Kyle is bloody as hell but points to his head. He grabs the legs of Chad Kurtis and… BEAR TAMER!
ROB MARTINEZ: He won back the World title with this very move. How does Chad survive this?
Kyle has it locked in good. He has him in the middle of the ring. Chad balls his fist up and then opens it. The crowd begin another PLEASE DON’T TAP CHANT!
But Chad has not choice but to…
BALL IT BACK UP!
Chad flails around a minute then squirms and crawls backward contorting his body, getting through the legs of Kyle. Kyle tries to stomp him but had his
foot caught. He gets tripped up. Both men get up virtually at the same time. Both men face each other. Toe kick from Chad Kurtis! CK FINALE CONNECTS! CK
FINALE CONNECCCCTS! The academic cover! Chad covers nonchalantly!
ONE!
TWO!
KICKOUT! KICKOUT! KICKOUT!
REX CALIBER: How the fuck did that happen?
ROB MARTINEZ: ….
Chad is in shock. Kyle is still out though. He ain’t moving.
REX CALIBER: Chad is making a HUGE MISTAKE! He is climbing the cage. This is not going to end well.
ROB MARTINEZ: He wanted his “Snuka moment” and he is gonna scale the cage.
Kyle still is somewhat out. Bleeding still, barely moving. Chad is near the top of the cage. He looks back at Kyle. He looks to the fans. The are ALL CHANTING…
SHOW…SHOW…SHOW! He climbs all the way up, disregarding the poor footing cause of the barbwire. Kyle Roberts hasn’t moved, but it could be a possum
move.
Chad rolls his hands over themselves. HE DIVES… and you see it like in slow motion
180 DEGREES
360 DEGREES
480 DEGREES
560 DEGREES
SIX HUNDRED AND FIFTY DEGREE SPLASH….
CONNNNECCTTTS!!!!!
THE COVER!
ONE!
TWO!
THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
THE CROWD EXPLODES!
ROB MARTINEZ: OHHH MY GOD! UN FUCKING BELIEVABLE! 3 and half turns off the cage. And it wouldn’t be possible if the CK Finale wouldn’t have been hit.
REX CALIBER: All the credit in the world goes to Kyle Roberts for on guts and instinct ALONE survived the CK Finale. But a 650 splash?
JENNY JERSEY: The winner and NEEEEEW REBEL HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD… THE SHOOOWW! CHAD KURTIS!
Chad is receiving the belt and is asking for the mic.
CHAD KURTIS: They ain’t many feelings like this. This is my Super Bowl! I want to tell each and every fan in here tonight, the ones back in Raleigh watching
on the screen. The South Carolina Screw Job wasn’t something I am proud of. THIS IS ME ASKING FOR FORGIVENESS! I proved to everyone that I didn’t need
to cheat to win. Most of all, I showed MYSELF! THANK YOU FANS! I LOVE YOU ALL!
And as the show ends we see a dazed Kyle Roberts get up. He looks weird in his expression. He offers his hand in respect, the same notion turned down by
Kyle earlier. Chad looks at it, as blood goes all over the belt. HE SHAKES IT! The two exchange respectful words as Kyle exits to let Chad have his moment.
This event was damn sure bloody. But maybe it’s the spirit of the holiday, but the fans LOVED IT ALL! And a man who walked in with just a few cheers, just
won over the entire Carolinas! THE SHOW… STEALS THE SHOW!
——————————————————————————–
Volunteer Slam
02/23/2008
Davidson and Manny X try to kill one another!
Manny X is in the ring, and has been handed several instruments of destruction. He has a golf club in one hand, and a cheese grater in the other. Michael
Davidson, accompanied by Brent Taylor, has chosen to wear a leather, Hannibal style mask. He has brought his own bucket of weapons, carried by Brent Taylor.
He has forks, a machete, and tons of other metallic objects. In his hand is a nail filled baseball bat. Neither man is smiling as the bell sounds. Alan
Stone is the poor soul responsible for referring these two maniacal individuals. . Ring crew attendants collect weapons from the crowd. We have keyboards,
VCR’s, a toy dinosaur, a rake, two shovels, and a tricycle so far. Attendants are now pushing around garbage cans, collecting more items. No lock ups here,
as Manny X gets bum rushed and is in the corner, getting choked across the throat with a bat. Manny X with a kick between the legs and Michael Davidson
staggers back. Manny X charges and smashes the masked covered forehead of Davidson. Davidson lands on his back as Manny X mounts him. He uses the golf
club to choke Davidson now. Davidson fights him off, and lands an elbow strike to the bald head of Manny X. Manny X dismounts from his position and Davidson
rises up. He is thrown a computer Keyboard from Taylor and NAILS Manny X with it. Manny collapses and Davidson with a quick cover. One is all that is counted
before Manny gets up.
Davidson fires with a fork, he had in his
jean’s pocket. Manny X gushes blood as Davidson, who never smiles, must in somehow be feeling good about the match.
Manny X blocks a second attempt and boots Davidson in the stomach. A CROSS LEGGED FISHERMAN BUSTER! He keeps him hooked for the pin ONE, TWO, TAYLOR IN
FOR THE SAVE! This isn’t a tag match, and Alan Stone tells Brent to go the back. No DQ’s in REBEL, but a very low threshold for bullshit too. Brent is
on the apron, arguing with Alan Stone. Brent pushes Alan and Alan with all his might, pushes back, knocking Brent to the floor. Brent falls very oddly
on his right hand, and screams out in pain. Alan Stone goes outside to check on Brent. Manny X picks up the toy dinosaur, bouncing it off the head of Davidson.
Davidson wasn’t fazed much and nails a jumping side kick. Davidson picks up the bat, and grinds the nail end into the forehead of Manny X. At this time,
we’d like to bring attention the parents who are telling their kids that it’s all make believe and it’s fake blood. The kids are either crying, or so into
the match that it’s scary. This might be the end of wrestling fund raisers for REBEL! Davidson gives up on torturing Manny X, and realizes the ref is gone.
Alan Stone, the ONLY ref on duty is helping Taylor to the back.
Davidson is yelling at them both, as Manny X grabs a machete from ringside. He goes after Davidson, slicing the arm open. Davidson yells in pain, as Manny
applies an armbar to the bloody arm. He is trying to open the wound further. Manny gets bored and wants to inflict more damage. He grabs a rope out of
the trash can full of weapons. He goes after Davidson, who nails Manny in the stomach. Davidson takes the rope, wraps it around the throat of Manny X.
He throws Manny over the top rope, and is HANGING HIM! The crowd begins to file out of the arena, well the ones with children anyway. The ones who knew
what REBEL was have chose to stay. Around fifty fans remain, as Manny X is dropped to the floor after several minutes of hanging. Manny X is laying on
his back. Davidson goes up top and IMPACT PLAYA MISSES! The blood from the arm dripped onto the turnbuckle and Davidson slipped off. Both men are laying
on the floor, no ref insight and most of the crowd has left. Medical Staff members come out to check on both men, and they are getting stretchers out for
both men.
——————————————————————————–
March Madness
03/04/2008
Pimptastic Attraction I: Mike “Assman” Trey vs Stone Zellor
The ring crew is setting up for the Pimptastic Attraction match. Two poles are attached to opposite ring posts. On one, a pimp cane dangles from a cord.
On the other, a trio of disco balls have been strung up to be used as weapons of mass pimpstruction. On the outside a table has been set up with various
pimp items. Brass knuckles. A large gold goblet. A ton of gold chains and a stack of Kayne West CDs and a boom box. Anyway, the ring is ready, so let’s
go to Jenny!
JENNY JERSEY: This next match is your special “Pimptastic Attraction Match!”
The fans pop huge for no other reason that they know in a few short minutes they’ll see some hot strippers.
JENNY JERSEY: Introducing first, he is your special guest referee!
ROB MARTINEZ: Guest Referee?
REX CALIBER: Oh yeah, I guess I forgot to tell you. My bad.
JENNY JERSEY: He is a former REBEL Tag Team Champion and known the world over as the master of mayhem….DR. TITTYLOVER!!!!
The crowd pops huge as “The Way She Moves” By OutKast hits the sound system! From behind the curtain steps a man most notorious. At six foot five and two
hundred sixty eight pounds, he strikes a striking pose. Imagine a tall Wesley snipes who doesn’t beat women. He makes his way to the ring dressed in tight
leather pants, zebra print boots and a fishnet shirt. Oh, and he has a huge ‘fro.
ROB MARTINEZ: Dr. Tittylover!? Isn’t there warrants for his arrest?
REX CALIBER: Several in fact. But who would know more about a match like this than….That thing in the ring?
Switch back to inside the ring and Dr. Tittylover snatches the microphone away from a frightened Jenny Jersey.
DR. TITTYLOVER: Hit the bricks you skinny white bitch! Let a true pimp handle his business!
ROB MARTINEZ: This reeks of trouble. How can Dr. Tittylover call this match down the middle? He was a former tag champ with one of the wrestlers in this
match!
REX CALIBER: I don’t care, I’m just waiting for the hoes!
DR. TITTYLOVER: Now we gotta go over a few rules for this Pimptastic Attraction so pay attention! First off, there are NO rope breaks! Rope breaks are for
pussies and real pimps don’t need ‘em!
Cheers from the crowd.
DR. TITTYLOVER: Second, falls count anywhere in this bitch!
Another loud ovation from the crowd.
DR. TITTYLOVER: Third, everytime a wrestler kicks out of a pin….I take off a piece of my clothing.
Silence.
REX CALIBER: Woof….
ROB MARTINEZ: Please, like you didn’t see that coming. Damn you Rex.
DR. TITTYLOVER: Now let’s get this damn thing underway! Bring out the hoes!
The crowd roars back to life as a parade of scantily clad beauties make their way out from the back! They take their positions around the ring.
REX CALIBER: Hey! I know that redhead!
ROB MARTINEZ: Easy.
DR. TITTYLOVER: Now, coming to the ring first…..
”Superfreak” by Rick James… BITCH, hits and we see Mike “Assman” Trey step out from the back!
DR. TITTYLOVER: Give it up for my former tag partner and all around pimp in training…Assman!
Assman is dressed in sequined MC Hammer pants, an open silk shirt and sports enough jewelry to make Mr. T envious. Assman makes his way down to the ring
and slides inside. The two men hug and the crowd is chanting “We Want Ass! We Want Ass! We Want Ass!”
“Connection” by Elastica hits and the crowd turns their cheers into white hot heat!
DR. TITTYLOVER: Next up, this cat is the NAPW Champion of…Something. I dunno. Anyway give it up for the second pimp in training…”I Like To Get High”
Stone Zellor!
Zellor struts out from the back wearing a golden-brown Godfather hat. A golden, velvety coat that comes draped with premium, gold brown-striped, long chinchilla
fur. Along with the black silk shirt and diamond stimulant encrusted dollar sign necklace. Oh, and it finishes with some loose fitting silky pants. The
crowd however could care less as they try to boo him out of the building.
ROB MARTINEZ: I can’t believe I’m about to call a match that involves strippers and wanna be pimps.
REX CALIBER: See Rob, dreams CAN come true!
ROB MARTINEZ: Ugh.
Zellor climbs into the ring and sneers at Assman. Oh it’s on!
The Mad Pimp calls for the bell and the two men approach each other slowly. The men are standing almost nose to nose trash talking each other as the crowd
starts up with a rowdy “Show Us Boobies!” chant! Zellor drives a knee into the gut of Assman! Scoop slam from Zellor puts Trey onto the mat. Pimp strut
by Zellor! The crowd showers him with boos as Assman picks himself off the mat. The two men circle each other and tie up. Side headlock by Trey. Zellor
shoots him off into the ropes. Zellor ducks early and Assman leapfrogs him. Zellor turns around and takes a hip toss courtesy of Assman. Mike Trey with
the Ass Wiggle! The fans pop and Zellor looks pissed as he pulls himself to his feet. Trey advances onto Zellor but takes a kick to the midsection. Chop
across the chest from Zellor! Another! A third! European uppercut from Assman! Snapmare driver from Mike Trey and Zellor rolls to the outside!
ROB MARTINEZ: A bit of a feeling out process here in this….Match.
REX CALIBER: Hey Rob, can you get the attention of that little Asian girl for me?
ROB MARTINEZ: I will not!
Zellor is being caressed and basically felt up by the hoes on the outside. Wait a second! One of the hoes have reached inside his pocket and stolen his
wallet! Zellor starts to give chase but is blocked by a wall of angry hoes. Zellor turns to get back into the ring and takes a baseball slide to the sternum
from Trey! Assman rolls to the outside and pulls Zellor back to his feet. European uppercut sends Zellor over the railing and into the front row! Assman
climbs over the guard rail and continues to do battle with Zellor as Dr. Tittylover is chatting up several hoes at ringside. In the crowd, fans part like
the red sea as Zellor and Assman trade rights and lefts. Rake to the eyes from Zellor stun Assman. A chair driven into the ribs doubles the master of the
Ass Wiggle over. Zellor connects with a chair shot across the back of Assman!
ROB MARTINEZ: Zellor showing that mean streak of his.
REX CALIBER: Just think, if Assman were wrestling CLINT Zellor this match would have ended a long time ago. That guy sucked.
Dr. Tittylover has finally made it into the crowd and even takes sips of beer offered to him by the fans. Zellor has his chair at the ready and Trey is
slowly getting to his feet. Zellor charges and Assman gives him a backdrop onto the floor! Assman takes a chair, folds it up and places it across the face
of Zellor. Leg drop across the chair! Trey goes for the cover as Tittylover counts! One! Two! Zellor kicks out! Trey starts to pull Zellor to his feet
when he (and everyone else) notices that Tittylover strips off his fishnet shirt and hurls it into the crowd! The distraction is all Zellor needs as he
low blows Assman! Atomic drop from Zellor! Trey is quickly spun around and takes an inverted atomic drop from Zellor that leaves him hunched over and holding
the small of his back in pain. A clothesline from Zellor puts Trey on the floor.
ROB MARTINEZ: Two atomic drops in a row! That has to compress the spine!
REX CALIBER: It makes your ass hurt too.
Zellor picks Assman off the floor and leads him through the crowd, back to a guard rail where Trey is flung over the top. Trey lands near the pimp table
and quickly reaches up for something as Zellor climbs over the railing. Zellor tries to grab Trey but takes a shot to the head with the pimp cup! Zellor
slumps against the guard railing holding his head as Assman tosses away the cup and plants a boot to his foes midsection. Assman grabs Zellor and starts
to lead him to the ring but Stone quickly reaches over and snatches something off of the pimp table. Stone knocks away Assman’s hand and shatters a glass
bong across the skull of Trey! The fans let loose a “Treys a Crackhead!” chant.
ROB MARTINEZ: What the? What was that? A light tube of some sort?
REX CALIBER: Uh….Sure.
Zellor rolls Trey into the ring and slides in after him. Stone takes his diamond stimulant encrusted dollar sign necklace from around his neck and wraps
it around his fist. Trey is getting to his feet and takes a shot straight to the forehead from Stone! Zellor stands over Assman as Dr. Tittylover finally
slides into the ring. Trey rolls over to his side and the camera zooms in on his face which is now a crimson mask! Zellor mounts Assman and pounds away
at his head with the necklace opening the wound even wider! Assman manages to shove Stone off of him but his face tells the story. He’s been cut open and
he’s bleeding like a stuck pig. Zellor throws his necklace onto the mat (which in turn is promptly stolen by a hoe) and rolls to the outside. Stone reaches
under the ring apron and pulls out a ladder that looks like it was covered in tons of bling! It’s a damn platinum ladder!
ROB MARTINEZ: Nice ladder.
REX CALIBER: I never thought I’d ever be jealous of anything a Zellor had!
The ladder is slid into the ring and Zellor climbs in after it. Trey is getting to his feet when he takes a running kneelift from Stone! Trey staggers back
and Zellor scoop slams him onto the ladder! The crowd has gone silent as Zellor is in firm control of this match. Zellor rolls Trey off the ladder and
then proceeds to set the ladder up. Stone drags Assman into position and then starts to climb to the top of the ladder! At the top of the ladder Zellor
smirks at the crowd and goes for a diving headbutt! Assman moves and Stone hits nothing but canvas! Wait a second, Assman is gesturing to one of the hoes
on the outside! The hoe climbs up onto the ring apron, then to the top turnbuckle and pulls off her black dress revealing a pair of shorts and a tee shirt
that reads “ASSMAN!” Trey rolls Zellor into position and the Hoe takes flight! Five star Hoe-Splash! The crowd pops huge as Assman goes for the cover!
One! Two! Stone kicks out!
ROB MARTINEZ: Mike Trey had a plant in the group of, uh, hoes.
REX CALIBER: I’m starting to like how this guy thinks!
As promised, Dr. Tittylover takes off another article of clothing. This time (thankfully) his snakeskin boots. A bloody Assman grabs one of the boots, waits
for Zellor to pull himself to his feet and then waffles him upside the head with the heavy boot! Zellor doesn’t go down! Another shot across the cranium
with the boot heel! Zellor is on spaghetti legs when he takes the third shot to the head! Zellor drops to the mat and Assman tosses the boot into the crowd.
Assman rolls to the outside, shoves most of the items off of the pimp table and suddenly stops. He grabs a Kanye West CD and cracks open the case. Zellor
is trying to get to his feet in the ring but looks to be out on his feet. Trey sticks the CD into a portable boombox. Assman hits the “Play” button and
rolls into the ring.
ROB MARTINEZ: What the Hell?
REX CALIBER: I HATE KANYE WEST!
Sure enough the crowd hears it as Assman has the sound cranked up as high as it can go -
“She take my money when I’m in need
Yea she’s a trifflin friend indeed
Oh she’s a gold digga way over town
That dig’s on me “
It’s “Golddigger!”
“(She did me wrong)
Now I aint sayin she a gold digger (When I’m Need)
But she aint messin wit no broke niggaz
(She did me wrong)
Now I aint sayin she a gold digger (When I’m need)
but she aint messin wit no broke niggaz
get down girl go head get down (I gotta leave)
get down girl go head get down (I gotta leave)
get down girl go head get down (I gotta leave)
get down girl go head”
The inhumanity!
In the ring Zellor is lead to the ring ropes by Trey. European uppercut from Assman sends Stone out of the ring and onto the apron. Assman climbs out after
him!
“Cutie the bomb
Met her at a beauty salon
With a baby louis vuitton
Under her underarm
She said I can tell you ROC
I can tell by ya charm
Far as girls you got a flock
I can tell by ya charm and ya arm
but I’m lookin for the one
have you seen her
My psychic told me she have a ass like Serena
Trina, Jennifer Lopez, four kids”
Zellor is on his feet and Assman steps behind him. Ass- Cracker off of the ring apron and through the pimp table! A loud “Holy Shit!” chant bounces off
the walls!
ROB MARTINEZ: Mike Trey might have just broken Stone Zellors back!
REX CALIBER: At least they took out the damn stereo!
Tittylover slides out of the ring and pulls pieces of table off of the men. Both men’s shoulders are on the floor and Tittylover looks confused at what
to do. Finally he shrugs his shoulders, grabs Zellor, hauls him up and rolls him into the ring! Mike Trey is trying to get up but he’s not fast enough
for Tittylover who hoists him up and shots him into the squared circle! Tittylover climbs into the ring just as Assman drapes an arm across the chest of
Zellor! One! Two! Zellor kicks out! A bloody Assman looks up at Tittylover questioning the count. Tittylover shows him two fingers then starts to undo
his leather pants!
ROB MARTINEZ: Oh good God!
REX CALIBER: That’s it, I’m not gonna watch any longer. Just tell me when it’s over!
Off come the pants and Tittylover is standing in the ring with just a G String and a smile. The crowd is disgusted to say the least. Zellor is hauled to
his feet and whipped into the ropes. It’s reversed and Trey finds himself being the one coming off the ropes! Running kneelift from Zellor puts Assman
onto the mat! Instead of going for a pin, Zellor heads for the nearest turnbuckle. He climbs to the top, reaches up and pulls the trio of Disco balls off
their rope. Trey is getting back to his feet when he takes a shot to the head by a disco ball! It shatters everywhere littering the mat with shards of
glass! Assman drops to his knees holding his head which is pouring blood. Zellor raises the second disco ball high above his head but before he can strike
he takes a headbutt to the groin!
REX CALIBER: Is it over?
ROB MARTINEZ: I’ll let you know.
Zellor gets hoisted up unto the shoulders of Assman and takes a Death Valley Driver onto a disco ball! The crowd groans in horror as Zellor rolls away from
Assman, his back covered in tiny glass shards. Both men are slow to get up, blood pouring down the face of Trey and the back of Zellor looking like raw
hamburger meat. They meet in the center of the ring. Chop from Zellor! Chop from Assman! Right hand from Zellor! European uppercut from Assman! A jawbreaker
from Zellor! Assman is down on the mat and Zellor goes for a pin. One! Two! Assman kicks out! Tittylover is quick to his feet and is teasing taking off
his G String! Zellor is pleading with him and suddenly gets rolled up from behind! One! Two! Zellor kicks out!
REX CALIBER: Oh God is he naked?
ROB MARTINEZ: No he hasn’t had a chance! The action has picked up!
Both men are quick to their feet and Assman takes a thumb to the eye! Snap suplex from Zellor! Stone turns folds up his pimp ladder and wedges it between
the second and top turnbuckle. Assman is trying to get up and takes a discus lariat! Zellor pulls Trey to his feet and Irish whips him into the turnbuckle
where the ladder is placed. It’s reversed and Zellor smacks back first into the ladder! Zellor staggers out of the corner and Assman hoists him up for
what looks to be a snake eyes maneuver. Zellor starts kicking his legs and reverses the move into a tombstone piledriver! Zellor goes for the pin! One!
Two! Assman puts a foot on the ropes, Tittylover ignores it per his rules and we get a three count!
ROB MARTINEZ: Stone Zellor wins what has to be one of the oddest matches in the history of REBEL!
REX CALIBER: I’m just glad Tittylover didn’t get naked!
——————————————————————————–